Chapter Text
When she drums her fingers over the top of his palms in the morning to wake him up, he thinks it’s one of the strangest things; the women he loved before were far less easily appeased. He doesn’t think much of their mornings besides the loving that comes with it, the warm coffee that emcomapasses the room and the quiet chatter. She tells him about her problems and he listens intently, even if his tone remains dipped in disinterest.
He’s never going to be accustomed to her, not ever. While his work ethic sometimes betrays him, his days are spent with her in mind, during meetings and presentations and phone calls and everything he could be doing. There are days when they’re troubled that he disregards his work entirely to think about her--a bad habit he’s picked up from being lovesick. Eisuke tells himself that he needs to do great things and it's become more for her nowadays than to prove that there wasn’t a gaping hole in his heart.
Here are some things he knows:
- There is an unsettled longing that satisfies itself whenever he’s so much as in her presence. He wakes up to his bed smelling like her and he thinks it is far better than any kind of perfume that was worn by the other women that came and went.
- He is aware she watches him at night with wide eyes and utter adoration. He wants to tell her he’s sorry for all the times he’s been cold when she looks at him as if he had hung the stars and moon in the sky. While he pretends to be asleep, a hand that doesn’t belong to him caresses his cheek. Once, she tells him, “I hope you love me as much as I love you. I know it’s hard for you to be honest with your feelings.”
- He doesn’t get that much sleep for the rest of the night.
- When she wakes up, he’s the one that makes her coffee this time.
- Words come easier to him when they’re less about his feelings and more about what he knows. He knows things like suits and meetings and graphs and presentations more than he does about the discomfort in his chest when he sees her with other men. For someone so precise, he’s entirely lost when it comes to his own emotions.
There are silent apologies that die in his throat when he’s cold with her; he doesn’t understand love like Baba and the others do. He secretly wants to apologize every time he knows he’s being too demanding of her and when he says things senselessly; it takes him a while to understand that the truth did not need to be brought to light at times.
He finds this out at first when he swiftly brings up Dubai and the mess that comes with it. Sporting a bullet wound, he reminds her that it would be odd if nothing happened at all while they were in England, and succinctly reminds her of Dubai. The fallen and teary look that crosses her features paired with a quiet resignation of words is enough to remind himself to never bring up Dubai again. He doesn’t.
In his heart of hearts, he wishes somewhere that he could be what she deserved. Takahiro was someone deserving of her; they could’ve been disgustingly normal and happy together if she had chosen him. And yet she didn’t.
So when she chooses him, he vows to know everything about her. He wants to know her and by consequence, know his emotions as well. While being out of control had been a new experience for him, he tells himself he wouldn’t mind, because it was her. He’d do anything for her.
And he has to give her credit, for dealing with someone like him. Eisuke knows and had vaguely calculated his probability of finding someone was slim. He understands he’s hard to love not because he can’t, but because he doesn’t know how. A fumbling fool in the name of love made embarrassments and apprehensiveness common; another thing he wasn’t used to. It works out though when he has the ability to keep a straight face through anything.
Eisuke understands that he’s indebted to her and he understands there’s only one thing to do: plan the rest of his life with her.
So he envisions great things, like twins or maybe a son who's just as much as a brat as he is, champagne on anniversaries and promises kept throughout the years. Seeing her bloom from a fumbling hotel worker to a queen by his side was a sight; the possibilities with someone like her, deemed ordinary by everyone else, was endless. Thankfully, it’s her who brings up the notion of children first, despite it being a complete accident.
It was seldom that Eisuke had free time. The days he did were always spent with her, however, doing whatever mundane thing she wished for considering she had spent most of his work time at his beck and call.
This resulted in them walking hand in hand down a boardwalk, her mouth half filled with a pretzel he had bought her (they argued over who was going to pay briefly) and in the middle of a debate sparked from a screaming toddler.
“I’m not saying that kids aren’t annoying.”
“And they are.”
“So if we had a kid, would you call them an annoyance?”
“...Getting bold, aren’t we?”
It took her a moment to understand what he meant with that smirk, and her face lit up a glowing red when she realized what she’d done.
“Well! I mean, th-that’s just assuming you know… that we’d…” When her voice trailed off he couldn’t help himself from gripping her hand a little tighter, eyes wandering towards the path ahead of them while they had slowly made their way back to the Tres Spades.
“Of course we would. Where else am I going to get an heir of the Ichinomiya group from? Unless…”
“That’s not funny.” She swatted his arm defensively.
“It absolutely is.”
He understood that he loved her more than anyone he’d ever encounter, and when he had married her, he was aware that he could never love anyone besides her. In regards to his former lovers, he always wished he could pick apart pieces of them to keep and others to disregard; and with her, he wanted all of her. Every fiber and atom had to be his, and he wouldn’t dare leave anything out from her.
“Well, thank you.”
He stared at her quizzically, a brow knit upwards. “For what?”
“For letting me be the one to have the heir of the Ichinomiya Group.” She said ‘heir of the Ichinomiya Group’ as if she was reading off an expensive item from a menu.
“Well. I have high expectations of you.”
When she saw a blush settle itself over his features, he had gone out of his way to make a point that it was simply the sunset.
“And just what are we thinking bout so early in the morning?” He mumbled into her ear as he stood behind her, fingers moving up and down her sides.
She had been standing in front of the mirror to examine the vibrant hickeys he had left on her after a very long night together, and Eisuke found himself admiring his own work while he watched her. She was nothing short of stunning, and she was his.
“N-Nothing.” Her words tumbled out breathless, all adoration and love as a hand snaked around her waist and lips descended on her neck, intent on leaving another spot. A familiar smirk worked its way over to his lips while she let out an involuntary moan.
Known best to himself, responsibilities were important. They both had obligations that they needed to attend to and Eisuke enjoyed his work extensively. However, when it came to her, all sense of that flew out the door in replacement of spending time with her. His resolve was as shoddy as a teenager’s if she had any involvement in it.
And thus he remained relentless as a free hand began to glide lower and lower, until his fingers were placed over her underwear. That same hand had began rubbing itself rather mercilessly towards a particularly sensitive spot of hers, and the reaction he got out of her from that alone was enough to decide their plans for the rest of the morning. He knew he was being selfish at the moment.
“Ah… we can’t… I have to go to work soon…” She had murmured hoarsely, and Eisuke paid no consideration to her words as he turned her and set her on top of their bed.
He found himself on top of her, both hands to the sides of her head as she looked up at him entirely lust-ridden. Never change, he thought to himself as he inspected her.
“The only work you need to do,” His words trailed off as his lips began trailing down her neck again, a hand yanking the strap of her pajama downwards. “Is to satisfy me.”
The look of complete debauchery on her when he looked up was almost enough to make him lose his train of thought. She always looked so beautiful to him when her eyes turned glassy with pleasure and her cheeks flared a particular red he had never seen on another woman. He was reminded again that he was never to let her go or face his own demise as well.
“After all, the best part about having a baby is making one.”
It was a Thursday, and the love of his life was seven weeks pregnant. He had sighed and sifted through his memories while having a moment to himself between paperwork, twirling around the idea of a miniature her crawling about the penthouse.
It would be a good idea to start baby-proofing the place , Eisuke thought to himself as he inspected the office vaguely. The future had seemed so grandiose and large even in a way he couldn’t handle when he thought about it, and he was closed to getting himself carried away before the shrill ring of a phone had crash landed him back into reality.
“Eisuke?” Her voice was trembling, something that rarely happened. It had taken Eisuke nine seconds to consider all the worst case scenarios that would flood his mind, and he could already picture the watery smile that always placed itself on her features when she was upset. He had half the muscle memory to reach out and crush her against his chest, but she wasn’t there at the moment.
Calm down.
“What is it?” He knew something was wrong. His brain was screaming it, despite the silence.
Calm down.
“There’s— I’m coming home right now. Are you busy?”
Calm down.
She was holding back tears, he noted sharply as he sat up in his seat. The paperwork could be done with later, the meeting in three hours and twenty six minutes could be pushed back for tomorrow, and Kenzaki could handle whatever came up if Eisuke had sounded irritated enough over the phone.
“I finished work early.” He lied swiftly as he shut his laptop and left his office, a free hand nervously placed on the nape of his neck. He didn’t need her to feel bad about taking up his time; he would’ve been too nervous to do any real work for the rest of the day anyways.
“Okay. I’ll be home soon.”
She was trying to be strong and he could tell by the strength in her voice before she hung up, which concerned him more than it should—the scenarios that ran through his mind were nothing short of morbid and awful, but all plausible.
He ran through the ideas like he ran through his talking points before a meeting. Her mother died, her father died, she was having an affair, the baby wasn’t his, she lost the baby, this and that and every awful thought he keeps to himself comes flooding to mind in the five minutes he counts (by the seconds) for her to come home.
He saw her walk in at four minutes and forty two seconds with her fingers trembling so much he could see it from across the room.
“What’s wrong?” It sounded more like a statement than a question. He wasted no time making his way over to her, a hand moving to press against the back of her head and another against her waist as he pulled her to him.
She was crying, and he could hear every sniffle and feel every shaky exhale when he held her.
Say it. Just say it. Whatever it is, we can work with it. He didn’t have it in him to speak.
“...Cervical cancer.”
He didn’t so much as breathe. “What?”
She took no consideration to answer him, instead finding herself crumpled against his chest with loud sobs that almost seemed childlike considering the intensity of it.
For once, Eisuke Ichinomiya had been cornered in such a helpless way he can only remember this feeling vaguely from his childhood. It didn’t settle with him well. The only thing he could do in that moment was to hold her.