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“this isn’t working out yoongi”
those words still rang loud and clearly in yoongi’s head, even five months later. nothing about that day was easy. the day jimin decided to take yoongi’s heart in his small, chubby hands and crush it. like it was nothing.
he knows jimin didn’t mean it. he knows jimin would never do that. but he also knows jimin couldn’t stay where he wasn’t happy.
and who was yoongi to stop him? there wasn’t a chance in this world, or the next, that yoongi would force jimin to stay in a relationship he wasn’t happy in. so no matter how much it hurt, for the sake of jimins happiness, he let go. he let jimin unknowingly break his heart and pack his stuff from their shared flat and leave.
he remembers taehyungs sad eyes and reassuring smiles every time he would walk in to grab another box to take down to his car. he never returned the smile, would just stare as the flat got more and more empty as jimins stuff was taken away.
it had taken about 3 days to get all of jimins stuff out of the flat, and it was the last day that yoongi broke.
he had never felt true pain until that day. the day he lost everything he was living for.
before taehyung left he told yoongi not to be a stranger. he might be jimins friend but he’s yoongis friend too and they’re all there for him. the boys.
he knew deep down he wouldn’t contact taehyung, or the others, again. that was a shitty thought, but it would be too painful. especially now that jimin would be living with him for god knows how long. he gave a little nod, a small smile finally gracing his lips as taehyung hugged him tight, long arms encasing his frame as he squeezed tight.
that night, yoongi sits in the now nearly bare living room and realises just how much colour jimin brought to his life. all the decorations were gone, save for one photo framed on their fire place.
yoongi stared at the photo, heart feeling empty. it was of him and jimin at the fun fair. yoongi had spent fucking hours trying to win that god damn plush that jimin wanted so bad. he can’t even remember what is was now, but he spent a fortune trying to get all the rings around the tops of the bottles.
it was a fun day and yoongi has always smiled fondly on it. but that night, it wasn’t a fond memory for yoongi and he smashed the frame. threw it right against the wall of the living room, there’s a small dent where the glass smashed and got stuck into the wall. he never fixed it. the next day he bought a new frame and put the photo back up. he never took it down again.
for the first time in a while, he cried.
_
it had been five months since he’d heard jimins voice. which is why his blood runs cold when he hears an ever so familiar laugh in the coffee shops he’s sitting in.
he doesn’t want to turn around, he really doesn’t want to turn around.
he doesn’t, for a while. he just stares hard at his coffee.refusing to look up. until “hyung?”
his head immediately shoots up and he sees taehyung.
he releases the breath he didn’t even know he was holding.
“taehyung..hey.” yoongi smiles faintly. this was only slightly awkward.
yoongi had definitely been a stranger, cutting taehyung completely out of his life. cutting all the boys out of his life, except namjoon. namjoon was his only rock during that time and he couldn’t thank him more. he deserved more than to be tossed away just because he was still friends with jimin. it was one of the hardest thing he ever had to do, but he knew he would never, ever move on if he still saw jimin on a regular basis.
“it’s…it’s been a while,” taehyung laughed lightly. “how are you?” he asked, eyes darting to behind yoongi before looking back at the him. yoongi knows exactly who he’s looking at and he doesn’t want to think about him.
“i’ve been good, thanks. you?” yoongi isn’t really one for small talk but he can make an exception.
“yeah, yeah. i’m good man. i uh…” he fades off, not knowing what else to say and then that it happens.
“taehyung?”
before he can stop himself, his head turns around and he sees him. he sees jimin.
jimin looks at him and his face is emotionless. it’s…perfect, as it always was.
neither of them say anything, and yoongi looks away before standing up and coughing a little. pulling his coat tightly around himself.
just as he’s about to say goodbye, another boy comes up behind jimin and yoongi sees him ever so slightly curly his hand around the smaller boys.
He smiles slightly, it only hurts a little, he promises.
“it was nice seeing you taehyung,” he looks over his shoulder. “jimin.” the name sounds foreign on his tongue. he hasn’t said it out loud for months. it feels like he shouldn’t say it. his heart is heavy. the ache is still just as big as it was on that day.
he looks back at the entwined hands and hopes, prays, that this person makes jimin happy. something he clearly couldn’t, he thinks bitterly. he hopes he makes him smile, and laugh, the way yoongi has in the past. he wishes nothing more than for jimin to be happy, even if it means he’s breaking a little every day. for jimin’s happiness, yoongi would put the entire universe before himself.
as he’s walking towards the door he hears a soft “yoongi” and he stops, hand touching the door handle.
it’s been so long since he’s heard his name coming from that soft voice. he doesn’t want to turn around. he almost doesn’t, almost walks straight out the door. but he knows deep down he can’t do that. not to himself and certain not to jimin.
he looks over his shoulder where he sees jimin has stepped forward a bit, his hand still entwined with the boys behind him.
yoongi tries to ignore that tiny detail.
“i hope you’re well, hyung.” is all he says. the smallest of smiles gracing his face.
yoongi stares at him for what feels like a lifetime. he doesn’t know how to respond. how can he ever be well when the person who meant the most to him crushed his heart and then moved on? how can he ever move on when he knows he’ll never feel as much as what he did when he was with jimin? how can he ever be okay again knowing that he’s still hopeless in love with jimin and his heart has no idea how to fall out of love with him?
yoongi doesn’t say any of this, keeps it all in his mind.
he just smiles, gripping the door handle impossibly tighter.
“you too, min.” the nickname slips, out of habit but he doesn’t stop to see any type of reaction from jimin and walks straight out of the shop, into the cold december night.
yoongi isn’t sure when he’ll be okay. if he’ll ever be okay. one day, hopefully sometime in the future, he’ll be able to look back on this and realise he was stronger than he ever knew. but for now, he’ll deal with the pain a broken heart entails.
he isn’t sure what hurts more though, remembering how much he loves him, or trying to forget.