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Chapter Text

"Takashi Shirogane?"

A tan-skinned man with dull brown eyes approached the counter, wisps of white hair tangling in his eyelashes. The rest of his hair was grey and extremely short, nothing but fuzz on the bottom and nearly completely shorn off on the top, besides a tuft of white at the very front above his forehead. He was tall with very broad shoulders, and scars littered his skin where it wasn't covered by his t-shirt, worn leather gloves, or pants. The worst of them that any regular person could see was a pinkish-brown one that stretched over the bridge of his nose.

Everything about him screamed military, warrior, and intimidation. Those in the room with him shrunk away slightly, the very few who had children with them pulling their kids toward them and as far away from the man's path as possible. He looked dangerous, and his tense posture gave away his constant alertness.

"You're Takashi Shirogane?" the old woman at the desk asked, eyeing the man cautiously. He pretended not to notice.

"Yes ma'am," the man, Shiro, told her with a small smile. The woman relaxed at his politeness, and she spun in her chair to pick up the folder next to her computer.

"I just need you to sign a few things on this paper and make sure all the details with your scholarship are right. If you have any questions, feel free to ask," she said, marking a few lines with X's were he needed to sign.

Shiro gave the woman a nod and looked down at the paper, his eyes carefully scanning each and every word. With each correct section, he signed his name, making sure he wouldn't mess up and end up with a hefty bill at the end of the semester. Each section he read efficiently but with enough care to not miss anything, and once he reached the bottom he found that everything was in order. His classes and boarding were covered, and he only needed to pay for food and textbooks. Everything was as it should have been, and Shiro touched the pen to the paper to sign his name one final time. Just before he started, he glimpsed the typed words just above the line, his name spelled out in its entirety and... his rank.

Shiro paused for a moment as his mind flew back to the last time someone had spoken his rank. He'd been fresh out of the hospital, his body held together by stitches and bandages wrapped all around him. And his arm, the surprise he'd woken up to after being so sure he'd die. His arm, nothing but stitches, fresh scars, and so much metal. It had been salvaged to the point that he still had perfect use of his arm and hand, but it wasn't at all the same as before. That day when he'd been discharged, when his former commander fixed a purple heart on his uniform, all Shiro could feel was the cold metal beneath his bandages. It was patched to his skin and filled the parts of his bones that were missing or too broken to mend. Too many stitches held together what would later become even more scars.

Shiro didn't realize he was shaking until his pen tapped the paper again, and he shook his head to return to the present. A quick glance around revealed that no one was staring at him, no one had noticed his small episode. Letting out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, Shiro carefully signed the paper using his name and former rank, then handed it back to the woman behind the counter. She gave him a smile and a tagged key in return.

"Your dorm building and number are written on the tag. If you have any trouble finding your room, just ask for help," she told him when he accepted the key and flipped the tag over to read it.

"Thank you very much," he told her with a slight nod before turning. He retrieved his bags from where he had left them on the floor and headed for the door, not looking back. It was his third year, and his dorm room was the same one it had been the two previous years. A family dorm converted into a single for students with disabilities who may need more space. At a glance, no one would think Shiro was disabled at all. However, he was clinically diagnosed with a somewhat severe case of PTSD from the events of his military career, and that was quite enough to get him labeled as 'disabled'. He was also allowed a therapy animal, and even though he didn't have an kind of specially trained pet, he did have a cat he'd found abandoned in a dumpster as a kitten. The small creature had been tied up in a plastic bag and was missing an eye and a chunk of one ear. Shiro had never expected to adopt any kind of animal, but the kitten had reminded him of himself. It was alone an damaged, but still fighting.

After a short walk away from the main campus office, Shiro found his building. It was one of the smaller, quieter ones, set up like a motel with two floors rather than the hotel-like layout of most other dorms. It sat surrounded by trees and bushes that blocked out the world, lending Shiro the peace he desperately needed.

Shiro's footsteps were soft and quiet as he climbed the stairs to the second floor, then walked to the very end of the balcony that spanned the entire front of the building until he reached his door. He slipped the key into the lock and listened to it release with a familiar click. The door opened smoothly, and he stepped into the room that had been his home for four semesters so far, going on five.

The room was decently sized, with a living area just inside the door, a small kitchen and dining area off of that, and two bedrooms with a bathroom tucked between them. Shiro wandered through each room, pulling a frayed sweatshirt from around his waist and tossing it on the sofa. He made a stop in the bathroom and pulled a pack of toiletries from the duffel bag dangling from his fist, leaving it on the counter of the sink to be unpacked later. He then stepped into the bigger of the two bedrooms, which he used for working out. He no longer needed to stay fit, as he wasn't in the military anymore, but his old habits brought him a little too much comfort to just let go of them. He dropped his duffel bag on the floor and heard the satisfying clink of dumbbells within it, then moved on to the other bedroom.

Shiro's feet covered the familiar distance between the doorway and the bed that was tucked into the corner. He turned and slowly sat on the plain mattress, hearing the bedframe creak under his weight. Shrugging his backpack from his shoulders, Shiro let out a deep sigh and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and dropping his face into his hands. He was exhausted already from the long drive to the college, the hours of being regarded with tension and unease while working on checking in and doing paperwork related to his scholarship, and lugging two heavy bags the entire way. Everything in his body ached, and even the hunks of metal that had replaced most of his right arm felt tired.

Meow.

The zipper on Shiro's backpack clanged, and the man turned around just in time to see a fluffy head poke through the small unzipped portion of the bag. A cat, much smaller than it should have been at its age, looked at Shiro with nothing but innocence. It's head was black with a white circle around its missing left eye, and splotches of white dotted its chest and back before melting into pure white to the base of its tail and middle of its legs. At those points the fur turned black again, all the way to the underside of the cat's paws. The only aberration was the cat's right foreleg, which was entirely black except for some small splotches of white. That was the part of the cat Shiro loved most, besides its sweet behavior and the comfort it brought him.

"Eurus!" Shiro called softly with a small smile. His voice rasped, betraying how tired he was, and the cat seemed to notice. It wiggled out of the backpack and jumped onto Shiro's back, climbing to his shoulders before dropping on his lap and flopping on its side. "Good girl," he said to her, and the cat, Eurus, nuzzled his hand affectionately.

Shiro settled into a rhythm as he stroked the cat's soft fur, and her purrs reached his ears even after he had lain back on the bed and closed his eyes. Shiro didn't even know he was drifting off until he was already swallowed up by dreams.

-000-

Shiro awoke to a warmth on his chest, and when he blinked his eyes open he found Eurus curled up on him, asleep. It brought a smile to the man's face, and he lifted a hand to scratch the cat's chin as his gaze turned to the window. It was dark out, but he didn't have a clock to tell the time. He had his phone, but it was in his back pocket and he wouldn't be able to get it without disturbing Eurus. 

With a quiet sigh, Shiro resigned himself to waiting until Eurus stirred, and he traced the faint lines of the uneven surface beneath the paint on the ceiling with his eyes. They were swirly like clouds, and reminded him of the sky. He began to feel the memory of wind in his hair, blowing his bangs from his face as he stood on the runway. The echo of roaring engines filled his ears, and he was back in his jet. The world around him was a beautiful blue with puffy splotches of white clouds surfing lazily in the breeze below him. A streak of grey caught his eye as one of his crew whizzed by, howling with glee through the headset. Shiro couldn't bring himself to tell the soldier off as a small chuckle escaped him. The force against his chest as he accelerated after his comrade was a familiar embrace that he welcomed, at least until it began to grow too strong. Puzzled, Shiro attempted to speak, but his vocal cords were suddenly strained and raw, incapable of making anything but pathetic rasps. The next thing he knew, he was in captivity.

Ropes bound Shiro tightly to a chair, biting his wrists and constricting his chest. Each breath took energy he didn't think he had. The bridge of his nose throbbed and burned, the wound still relatively fresh and growing infected. The blindfold tied around his head was tight enough to make him feel the pressure on his skull. He could feel his ribs straining his skin, his muscle and fat gone from weeks and weeks of starvation and little movement. His mind was lost, afraid, hurting, and broken. A small part of him hoped rescue would come, but he'd mostly given up on that. All he could feel was pain and misery, and despite the break from torture at the moment, he knew something worse was to come.

A sharp pain drew Shiro out of his mind and he gasped for breath, bolting upright and starling Eurus. Her claws dug further into his stomach during the motion before she tumbled completely off him and onto the bed. Shiro's eyes widened momentarily and he reached for the cat quickly. Picking her up, Shiro stroked Eurus's head a few times apologetically and set her back on his lap, where she turned to look at him.

"Sorry," he mumbled, still a little out of breath. Eurus stared another moment, then nudged her head against his stomach. Shiro smiled and began to pet the cat again, thankful for her forgiveness.

When Eurus jumped off of Shiro's lap and jogged to the door, Shiro remembered he hadn't fed her in a while, and he hadn't had access to a little box all day. He hurriedly jumped to his feet and ran to the room with his duffel bag, which held a large plastic bag full of litter and a litter box. Shiro dropped the box in the corner before dumping the litter in, and he'd barely finished before Eurus was in the box.

Shiro left Eurus to do her business and returned to his bedroom, where he opened his backpack and emptied it. He put the clothes in the dresser, taking extra care with his aviation uniform, and stacked the books on the desk, then pulled out the various other things that filled the nooks and crannies in the bag. A sack of cat treats went on the desk, a pocket knife beside it. A laptop charger and laptop were set out on Shiro's bed, and he plugged the laptop in and turned it on to check out his class list one last time. A few other things from the backpack were settled in various places around the room, then Shiro finally pulled out his phone to check the time. 6am.

Deciding it wasn't worth it to sleep, given his classes started in three hours, Shiro moved on to the other room to unpack his duffel. Dumbbells were placed gently on the floor, and a small standing punching bag was pushed into a corner. A medicine ball rolled to a stop next to the dumbbells. Some more clothes and a few other things were pulled from the duffel bag until it was empty, and Shiro wandered through his dorm placing everything in its place until his arms and both his bags were empty. Once he finished, he checked the time again. 6:45am.

Shiro spent the remaining two hours before his class checking for assignments online, making his bed, working out, showering, and devouring a couple granola bars for breakfast. At 8:30am he was headed out the door in his uniform while Eurus weaved around his feet until he shut the door.

Chapter Text

Ten minutes before class, Shiro reached the designated room. Ten other students sat in the rows of seats, most of them on their phones, one with a book, though all of them were familiar faces. Everyone in the room was at the same level of training, and with just two aviation classes in that level, it was rare to not know everyone else. Transfers from other colleges never brought new faces into the aviation program, despite seeming to expand just about every other major.

At exactly 8am, the instructor walked in. A tall man with bulging muscles who was bigger than Shiro strode to the front of them room, crossing his beefy arms over his chest as his beady eyes scanned the students intently. The corner of his lips curved up just slightly when his eyes passed over Shiro, who dipped his head a fraction in return.

After a minute of silence, the instructor finally spoke.

"I see many familiar faces from the exam last year. A few I was impressed with, as well," he stated, glancing briefly at Shiro. "Besides that, welcome to your third year of training. For those of you who don't know me or don't remember my name, I'm ex-Air Force Lieutenant Colonel Aaron Con, and I'll be your instructor this semester. I hope you all know that my expectations are high this year, since you've all have quite a bit of experience in flight. I was present at your exams last year, and got to witness exactly what I'm dealing with, but there is always the possibility that your skills faded over the summer break. That being said, I need a more accurate gauge of your skills before we further your training. Today will be flight simulations, and once I've gotten a grasp on each of your skills and weaknesses, we'll get into the classroom stuff. Once the textbook is out of the way, we fly," he explained.

A knock on the door drew the attention of Instructor Con, who walked over and opened it a crack. None of the students could see outside, and not Instructor Con nor whoever was outside was speaking. Instead, Con peeked out the door for a moment before turning back toward the class.

"I understand that many of you plan to go into military careers after you complete your education. However, not everyone is cut out to fly a fighter jet, so we've decided to bring in an expert to help pick out the promising candidates," he stated, before stepping away from the door and returning to the middle of the room, stopping a little further to the left than the center. "Now, I have the honor of introducing General Holt, retired officer of the United States Air Force," he said with all formality, snapping his heels together and raising his fingers to his brow in a crisp salute as a tall, greying man with small, rectangular glasses and wrinkled eyes walked in. He chuckled at Instructor Con's salute, then waved his hand to get the man to relax. Instructor Con let go of his rigid posture, but his back remained straight and his chin lowered slightly as he clasped his hands behind his back respectfully.

General Holt turned to the students with a warm smile on his face, which made his eyes crinkle cheerfully. He looked nothing like a war veteran, especially one of such high rank, unless someone who knew what they were looking for gazed into his eyes. Behind a layer of warmth lay a lack of light, the despair and coldness brought on by war, loss, and pain. Shiro knew what that looked like because he saw it every day when he looked in the mirror. However, where General Holt had a blanket of warmth in his eyes that hid the darkness, Shiro did not. The younger man could only wonder how his senior had managed such a thing.

"Well hello! As Instructor Con said, I'm Holt, Samuel Holt, and will be working to help you hone your skills for whatever career you intend to pursue, mostly for those who wish to take the military route. It isn't for everyone, and I suspect that a few of you here who plan to join the Air Force will either change your minds or find that you don't have what it takes." A moment of darkness peeked through the warmth in his eyes, but was quickly buried. "You may call me Instructor Holt. While I was a General when I was serving, I'm retired now and that title is no longer needed. I look forward to working with you all, and good luck on achieving your goals for the future," he said.

A quiet chorus of 'Yes, sir's came from the students, earning a smile from Instructor Holt before he stepped back and allowed Instructor Con to take over. The younger man spoke a little more about the simulation the students would be doing, then he led the class to the flight simulation room in the basement, Instructor Holt walking beside him.

On the way downstairs, Shiro felt his phone buzz in his pocket. His mind off somewhere else, he reached into his pocket with his right hand and pulled the phone out, only to knock his elbow on the railing. While he had no feeling in most of his arm due to the metal and many dead nerves, his ulnar nerve was an important one that remained. When his arm was destroyed, his elbow survived, but a piece of something broke off and left his ulnar nerve more exposed. It was covered with a metal shield, but like anyone else, hitting his elbow a certain way and hitting that ulnar nerve sent a wave up numbness down his arm. The only difference was that, for him, it meant numbness in his entire arm, and his grip on his phone went lax as a quiet curse escaped him. The device fell helplessly to the concrete steps. It bounced from one step to another, then down another four before stopping on the first floor landing. Shiro hurried toward it, and was careful to use his left hand to pick the phone up. He flipped it over in his hand a few times and found that the screen had miraculously survived. However, when he hit the power button, nothing happened.

Just one more flight down the staircase, Instructor Con was opening the door to the basement. Most of the students who had been behind Shiro on the way down had passed him, and with a sigh the grey-haired student dropped his phone back into his pocket and booked it down the stairs, catching up with his classmates just outside the basement door. He would have to deal with his phone later. At the moment, he had a simulation to do.

-000-

The simulation was a breeze. Instructor Con had used three settings for the simulation; cargo, fighter, and commercial. The cargo simulation was all about flying steady, turning smoothly, and dealing with high wind speeds. Fighter was something that had been reality for him for a few years, and he maneuvered with expert grace, defeating all of his enemies and dodging every attack that came at him. Commercial was a bit of a struggle, since he had never flown a plane with more than one or two human passengers, especially not civilian passengers. Despite that, he handled the plane well. The simulation involved a surprise loss of power at the end, and at least half of the students failed because of it. The maneuvers for such a thing were above their level, and they hadn't yet been taught how to bring a plane back online. Shiro only knew due to his military experience, though even he struggled with the simulation, as did the others who managed to pass it to some degree.

Being last person to do the simulation, Shiro stumbled out of the room as the rest of the students were leaving, the class returning to the room for some textbook. The simulations had taken almost five hours, but the class went on for six. There was still an hour left, and Instructor Con was very intent on taking care of the textbook business as quickly as possible.

On his way to the staircase, Shiro's arm bumped into something and he turned to see Instructor Holt looking at him, studying him. The older man was a few inches shorter than Shiro, and far less bulky, but his presence was strong. It was clear that he had been a powerful leader in the past.

"Oh, uh, sorry sir," Shiro stated, tripping slightly on his words. His tone was polite and respectful as always, but for some reason he couldn't quite read Instructor Holt well enough to speak comfortably around him. There was something the man kept hidden very deep, and while Shiro could sense its existence, he couldn't see it.

Instructor Holt smiled. "Don't worry about it," he said, then his gaze flicked to Shiro's pocket. "Was that your phone I heard falling earlier?" the older man asked, taking a guess based on the sag of Shiro's shoulders and the way the younger man's fingers drummed on his pocket but didn't pull out his phone.

Shiro nodded, then reached for the device in his pocket. He pressed the power button and held it, but nothing happened. A second attempt yielded the same results, and Shiro turned the phone over in his hand in search of some kind of damage.

"I hear this school has a IT Center run by the technology professors and their best students. I was told teachers get free repairs on technology, but students have to pay. I don't believe it's too pricy, though, and I think students get their first repair free. Think about going and having the kids there take a look at your phone," Instructor Holt recommended. Shiro nodded.

"Thank you, sir. I will."

The two completed the rest of the walk in silence, Shiro occasionally stealing glances at the man beside him. Instructor Holt came off as very kind and warm, but Shiro could sense something within him that felt a bit unsettling, and he had to suppress a shiver as he walked. The feeling remained even after the two reached the classroom and moved apart, much to Shiro's discomfort. He was already starting to like Instructor Holt, but simply couldn't shake the unease the man made him feel. Shiro could only wonder if other students felt it too.

"Open to page ten in your textbooks. This is something all of you need to know, but anyone who wants to be a commercial pilot needs to pay extra attention..."

The class droned on, and as Shiro listened and took notes, he started to wonder what scene he might encounter at the IT Center.

-000-

When class was over, Shiro was the last to leave. While the rest of the students hurriedly packed up their bags to head to their next class, Shiro pulled his phone from his pocket once again. He flipped it over in his hands, studying the small piece of technology until loud music suddenly exploded in the room. The sudden noise made Shiro's head fly up, and he nearly dropped his phone. His body tensed, waiting for something to happen, but there was only an embarrassed chuckle.

At the front of the room, Instructor Holt was digging through his pockets with a small smile on his face. Pink dusted his wrinkled cheeks as he pulled his phone from his pocket and answered.

"Hey there son! How are you doing?"

Feeling like he was being invasive by hanging around during Instructor Holt's private phone call, Shiro hurriedly gathered his things and walked out of the classroom as quick as he could without seeming disrespectful. On his way out, he was careful to close the door gently so the sound wouldn't interrupt the instructor's conversation, and he accidentally overheard another sentence. Instructor Holt's tone was far more serious than before.

"Just be careful. We don't need a repeat of back then."

Shiro left before he could overhear anything else.

Chapter Text

Ten minutes after leaving the classroom, Shiro was in the cafeteria. He wasn't feeling particularly hungry, despite not having eaten anything but two granola bars in the last twenty-four hours. Food wasn't why he was there. Instead, he was avoiding the IT Center. It wasn't that he was one of those guys who didn't want to associate with "nerdy people" or any of the stupid crap he'd heard throughout his life. Instead, he didn't want to go because he felt anxious. Despite what some might've thought, he was actually quite bad at socializing, and was a bit anxious around people he didn't know. Part of it was an attempt to keep others at arm's length so they wouldn't find out about his captivity, or, as ironic as it was, his arm. Overall he had never been much of a social butterfly, and the thought of walking into a room full of people far smarter than him was a bit intimidating. His greatest fear about going was that he would hand over his phone and they person at the desk would give it a little tap, then it would immediately start working just fine.

Shaking the thoughts of embarrassment out of his mind, Shiro joined the queue for the lunch line and picked up a sandwich and water. After paying, he sat down and wolfed his food down, finding that he had been extremely hungry, he just hadn't felt it. He then chugged his water and came to the realization that he no longer had any excuse to not go to the IT Center. His plan had been to eat slowly, but that clearly had not happened. For a moment he considered just waiting a day and seeing if his phone would start working again, but he made himself forget the idea when he remembered Keith would probably call. If Shiro didn't respond when his brother called, then the man would end up with an eighteen year-old more stubborn than a brat storming the school. Just the thought of it made him sigh, and the imagery overrode his anxieties and left him walking out of the cafeteria, tossing his garbage in the appropriate bins as he left.

-000-

Far too soon, Shiro was standing outside the IT Center. He was just outside the door with his back pressed against the wall as if he was on a mission, when in reality he was hoping for the silence to be broken before he entered.

Shiro let five minutes pass, then ten, and there still wasn't a single sound from the room. If it wasn't for the sign on the door stating that the place was in fact open, he would have figured there was no one there.

With a silent breath to prepare himself, Shiro slowly turned the corner and stepped into the room. His footfalls brought no noise, a trained skill, as he walked across the frayed, grey carpet. He scanned the walls and found them to be plain white concrete and totally bare. There wasn't a single poster of anything, not even any basic recommendations for troubleshooting malfunctioning tech. Even the desk that stretched across the middle of the room had nothing on it, just boring grey plastic and metal that matched the carpet below. A look at the surface of the large desk revealed nothing but a few scratches and a single bell.

The bell was a typical silver and black one with a small button on the top meant to make it ring. However, instead of ringing the bell, Shiro simply stared. He didn't know what to do at the moment. Should he ring it? Should he call out? Should he just stand there and wait for someone to come? What if no one came? What if they were closed but someone just forgot to flip the sign and close the door?

"It's not going to ring if you just stare at it."

Shiro jumped and nearly dropped his backpack on the floor at the sound of a voice. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't noticed the approaching figure until the person spoke, something that hadn't happened since before his capture. His eyes darted up from the bell to the lone figure walking from a doorway in the back of the room toward the desk, a polite smile on their face. As the person got closer and brushed their bangs from their face, Shiro realized that it was young male, one who looked like he was in high school. He had short, light hair the color of earthy sand, and his eyes were a bright brown that looked almost gold. Medium-sized circular glasses sat in front of his eyes, and seemed to make them look even brighter. Once the boy reached the desk, Shiro noticed that he towered more than a head over the other, who wasn't quite shoulder height on Shiro. In a blue and white hoodie and grey cargo pants, the boy looked plain, but Shiro also found him intriguing. There was something oddly familiar about him that the aviation student couldn't quite place.

"Did you need help with something?" the boy asked, and Shiro realized he'd been standing there staring in complete silence for at least a solid twenty seconds.

"Oh, uh, my phone," he mumbled, slight color flushing his cheeks. He mentally slapped himself for somehow inventing another two ways his time in the tech center could go wrong and executing them both literally the moment someone walked in.

Shiro pulled his phone from his pocket and held it out for the boy on the other side of the counter, who took it and looked it over.

"I dropped it while going down the stairs. It tumbled a bit and now it won't turn on," Shiro explained, scratching the back on his head.

The boy nodded, his polite expression gone and replaced by a calculating look. He flipped the phone over a few more times, then pressed the buttons a bit. When nothing happened, he ran his finger along the side of it until he came across a small dip, and he wedged his fingernail in it. The back of the phone popped up where the boy's finger was, and he pried off the stubborn plastic with practiced ease. The boy set the back on the counter and examined the inside of the phone, looking at the battery. He then popped that out as well, and lifted the remainder of the phone up closer to his eyes. He looked a few parts over, and after about another minute of fiddling, looked up at Shiro.

"I have an idea of what could be wrong, but it'll take a while to take the phone apart and get to it. Do you think you can leave it here overnight?" the boy asked.

Shiro contemplated for a moment, then decided it was better to leave the phone with someone who actually had a chance at fixing it rather than taking it with him when it was still broken. Only the first option would get it in working order quickly.

"Sure," he said, hiking his bag further up on his shoulder. The boy behind the counter nodded and pulled a notepad and pen from his pocket.

"Do you have your school ID?" the boy asked, and Shiro nodded. The man dug into his pocket and pulled the small card out, then handed it over. The boy took it and looked it over, then began to write. He quickly scribbled out Shiro's full name and his age in a series of neat lines and loops, as well as his student number, then handed the card back. He then reached under the counter and pulled out a gallon-sized plastic bag, which he filled with the parts of Shiro's phone as well as the paper. After sealing the bag, he pulled a marker from his pocket and wrote the date on the bag, which he then placed on a cart a few paces behind him. "Come back about this time tomorrow, and your phone should be fixed. It looks like this is your first visit to us as well, so this repair is free," the boy said as he walked back to the counter. Shiro nodded.

"Thank you, uh," he paused, spotting a small metal nametag pinned to the boy's shirt, "Matt," he finished. The boy, Matt, smiled slightly.

"Enjoy the rest of your day, Mr. Shirogane." With that, he was gone. He disappeared as quickly as he'd appeared just minutes earlier, gone in the blink of an eye. All Shiro could do was glance around the room for a moment before he turned and left, not wanting to deal with anymore strange things or awkward encounters that day. On the bright side however, instead of being hung up on his awkward interaction, Shiro's mind was stuck on another thought. Why did Matt look so familiar?

-000-

Shiro spent the rest of his evening in classes. He sat through two hours of English and two hours of mechanics, then was finally released at 8pm. He walked out of the building and into the chilly dusk air. A breath of the cold filled him with calm and clarity, and the stress of the day melted away with a slow exhale. His head tilted back as his eyes gazed at the violet sky above, and a small part of him longed to be up with the clouds and the colors. For a fraction of a second, he wanted nothing more than to be back in his fighter jet, streaking towards the sunset. Unfortunately, he would never experience that again. He was too damaged, both physically and mentally, to go back to what he used to do. He was different than he was back then. The Takashi Shirogane of those days was dead, killed in an explosion while saving his comrades.

Chapter Text

The next morning, Shiro had no classes. His aviation classes were on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, while his English classes were on Mondays and Wednesday and his mechanics classes on Mondays and Fridays. His schedule was light that year, as he had filled his weeks to the brim his previous two years in an attempt to distract himself from the past and settle back into some sort of civilian life. Most of his required classes were out of the way, and if not for the fact that his aviation classes required four years to complete, he could have graduated after his third year by adding just two more classes.

With Tuesdays and Wednesdays free, as well as Saturdays and Sundays, Shiro knew he would end up bored quite often. He was used to constant work, constant movement, something for him to do at every moment. The idea of stopping to relax for more than an hour or two was completely foreign to him, something he hadn't done since he picked up athletics in junior high.

It took only ten minutes of pacing through his dorm room, patting his pocket for a phone that wasn't there, and flipping through the books he'd already read four times each before Shiro decided he needed to get out. It was barely 9am, and he still had another five hours before he needed to back to the IT Center. He contemplated going there to see if the Matt from the day before had finished working on his phone early, but decided against it. He wasn't even sure that the boy was the one who would fix it, or even if he was truly a college student. Matt had a nametag, and he'd seemed to know what he was doing, but Shiro wasn't entirely convinced that the young-looking boy was actually a college student. If anything, he had to be freshman, but it seemed more likely that he was just the son of the instructor filling in while everyone else ate lunch.

Shaking the thoughts of the IT Center from his mind, Shiro found himself standing in his exercise room. There wasn't much in there, none of it meant for anything more than a quick work-out between classes. He knew he could only do so much for so long without getting bored of the repetition and lack of challenge, and he had hours to burn. Instead, his best bet would be to go to the gym on campus for students. He didn't like it since there were so many people and he had to work out in a long-sleeved shirt to hide his arm. The heavier clothes always resulted in him getting tired and hot quicker than if he was in his dorm wearing something lighter, but the alternative was completely out of the question.

It took only two minutes for Shiro to change his clothes, throwing on a long-sleeved black shirt with a few of the buttons below the collar undone and some athletic shorts. He tied his shoes quickly, not even thinking as he knotted the laces and pocketed his ID beside an MP3 player. With one last lap around the house, in which he fed Eurus and spot-cleaned her litter box, Shiro was headed for the door. He only stopped at his dresser, where he picked up the black leather gloves he almost never took off. They were meant to cover just his metallic right hand, but wearing one leather glove stood out more than a pair, so he wore them both. The only time he took them off at school was when he was alone in his dorm. They would make exercising a little harder and require washing after, but that was better than baring his hand to the world. Shiro tugged the gloves on and left the room.

-000-

It was a ten minute walk from Shiro's dorm to the campus gym, which was relatively empty. The early morning rush before classes was gone, and only a few others who had either the day, or just the morning free were in the room. Three occupied treadmills and ellipticals, while a fourth and fifth were lifting weights. One person was doing yoga in a corner, and the man at the check-in desk sat in his chair and scrolled around on his phone with bloodshot eyes. Shiro approached that man quietly, but his large form did not go unnoticed. The second his shadow fell over the man at the desk, the phone was down and the sign-in clipboard was out. Shiro held out his ID for the man to take to sign him in, and he tried to smile to lessen the tension. He didn't try to intimidate people, but his large body, scarred face, bulging muscles, and military-esque appearance tended to do it anyway.

The man at the desk handed back Shiro's ID, then watched the aviation student walk away from the desk and toward the weights. Shiro pretended not to notice as he pulled his MP3 player from his pocket and shoved the headphones into his ears, tucking the device back into his pocket after hitting play. An upbeat, fast-paced song began to play as Shiro set up a machine for weighted standing calf raises, and he was already started before the song reached its midpoint.

After a good thirty minutes of his leg workout, Shiro shifted to another machine to do some upper-body work. The cable crossover machine in the gym was rather new in comparison to a lot of the other stuff, and Shiro had the feeling some students were responsible for that. There was always that one person who would set the cable as heavy as they could on just one side then attempt to dangle from it. The issue there was that the pulley got the pressure of the entire weight of the person as well as the weight on the end of the cable, and sometimes the pulley would break. It wasn't too hard to replace, but repeating the same action over and over would eventually lead to requiring a whole new machine.

Shiro was careful to make sure the weight was right on both sides before he started, and ignored the small sparks of pain in his right arm as he worked. He had been warned back in the hospital that strain on his arm could cause pain, especially if his muscles were swelling beneath the metal due to heavy lifting. No damage would be done to his arm if he worked out, but pain was inevitable, and would unfortunately just get worse the longer he exerted himself. For Shiro, it would be quite a while before he had to quit. However, once he did quit, it would take some time before he could use that arm again, at least an hour.

With a few short breaks, Shiro worked on the cable crossover machine for nearly an hour. His back, shoulders, biceps, triceps, and fingers all ached, and his right arm throbbed where skin met metal. Despite that, the workout still felt very refreshing, and Shiro didn't feel like calling it quits quite yet. He moved on to the hand weights, and selected somewhat lighter ones that he clenched in his hands while lunging and squatting. He then picked up an empty bar off the floor and stuck weights just lighter than his preferred ones on each end. Shiro hefted the bar up onto his shoulders, than began to squat again, falling into a smooth rhythm that matched the song he was listening to. When the next one came on a little more upbeat, he increased his pace, then slowed it for the one after that.

Shiro used a couple more machines before his hand swiped his pocket and he remembered that he didn't have his phone. The man scanned the walls for a clock and found one near the check-in desk, which read 1pm. He still had two hours left before he needed to drop in at the IT Center, but he was a bit too tired to continue at the gym for that long. His shirt was making his uncomfortable, the damp material scratching uncomfortably at the scarred skin below it.

A flash of movement outside caught Shiro's eye, and he looked to the source to find two young women jogging side by side. They moved slowly, talking and laughing as they went, but their exercise  wasn't a bad choice. Shiro waited for the pair to pass by completely before he headed for the door, keeping his pace slow so no one would think he was following them. He then waited a moment outside the gym, scrolling through his music until he found a quick one to start off with. Shiro selected it, adjusted his headphones, then took off at a light run.

-000-

Throughout his run, Shiro let his mind wander. The wind on his face reminded him of flying and the freedom it brought him. The memory of the faces of his crew, some of whom he'd lost on the battlefield, others to the traumatic memories back home, ghosted through his mind and hit him with a wave of guilt. He wished he was still there for his people, the young men and women who had served with him and flown with him, listening to him despite the fact that he was younger and less experienced than every single one of them.

The thoughts of the military shifted to Instructor Holt, a veteran with an unknown story. Shiro longed to learn more about the man, despite having just met him the day before. While Shiro himself hated telling his own story, especially the darker bits, he loved hearing about the experiences of others. Most of all he loved to hear about the comradery, something that sometimes wound up being the only thing soldiers had left in the world.

Shiro's mind changed course once again, this time landing on an image of his cat. The thought made Shiro smile a little bit as he thought about the way she purred and pawed at him when he was in a state of anxiety, easing his mind. Shiro knew that she calmed him down better than any fancy therapy animal could, and he loved how she gave him a purpose. She gave him a chance to protect something and make it grow instead of doing things that resulted in loss of life.

After a few more shifts, Shiro mind landed on Matt, the boy from the IT Center. It made him pause in his run, and when he looked around to figure out where he was, he found that he was standing right outside the building the IT Center was in. There was no clock to tell him the time, and after being lost in thought for so long, he had no idea how long he'd been running.

Panting quietly, Shiro stepped into the building and wandered toward the IT Center, stopping inside an empty classroom on his way to check the clock. 2:45pm. He was right on time. Shiro walked down the hall, calming his breathing on his way to the room where he had been the day before. The door was open once again with the sign stating that they were open hanging on it, a reassuring sight.

This time, Shiro did not stop outside the door. Instead he plunged right in, turning the corner and pulling out a headphone as he walked up to the counter. Unlike the day before, there was someone at the counter, though all Shiro could see was the back of a white t-shirt. The owner of the shirt was bent over, digging around under the counter, and Shiro stopped a few steps away to wait. It only took a few moments for the person to straighten, revealing that Matt was back once again. The familiar face sent a wave of calm through Shiro, who was glad that he didn't have to deal with another new face.

"Ah, Shirogane. You back for your phone?" Matt asked, shoving his bangs out of his face. Shiro nodded, suddenly aware that his white tuft of hair was matted to his forehead and he was super sweaty from working out. It had never occurred to him to take a shower before stopping in at the IT center, but he was starting to think it would have been a very good idea.

Matt crossed the room and walked through the doorway in the back. Shiro heard some rustling before the boy returned with a plastic bag containing a phone. The bag was the same one as the day before, with Shir's name on it, but unlike before, the phone was in one piece.

"When you dropped it one of your wires came out of its socket, so the screen wasn't getting any power. That's why it wouldn't turn on," Matt explained as he opened the bag and pulled out Shiro's phone, keeping his language simple out of consideration for Shiro and the man's lack of technical knowledge.

"Uh, thanks," Shiro said awkwardly, accepting his phone when it was handed back to him. He pressed the power button and watched the screen come to life, thankfully with no missed calls. No angry teenager rampages would happen that day.

Shiro spent another minute fiddling with his phone next to the counter, then realized Matt was still there. The boy was watching him with the strange glint of a cocktail of emotions in his eyes, one of them curiosity, but Shiro could discern nothing else. He wondered if it was his appearance or if the stare was a high school student studying a college student, at least until he noticed a lanyard containing a college ID with the Matt's face hanging around the boy's neck. In that case, it had to be his appearance like always. Thankfully though, unlike many other wide-eyed observers Shiro had encountered, Matt made no comments and asked no questions.

Instead of waiting to leave until he had made sure everything on his phone worked, Shiro decided to make his exit before the silence in the room could be broken and thanked Matt for his work before heading to the door.

Chapter Text

It was only a week before Shiro ended up back at the IT Center.

He was careful with his phone, keeping it put away when he was going down the stairs and being sure to set it down gently instead of lazily dropping it when he wasn’t using it. He even set it a little further back on the small table next to his bed that served as a night stand, taking the extra precaution to assure it wouldn’t fall on the floor in case Eurus decided to play with the charging cord while he was sleeping.

Unfortunately, due to the fact that Shiro was focusing all of his thoughts on protecting his phone, he was a bit negligent with his other technology. He was no longer keeping up with the updates on his ancient laptop, and he didn’t notice the way his screen would flicker each time he turned it on. It wasn’t until the day he really needed it, when Instructor Con assigned the students a video to watch during class, that Shiro’s laptop decided to bite the dust.

Shiro pressed the power button on his laptop and watched the screen blink to life. The fans began to whir as buttons lit up, then it all suddenly stopped. Shiro frowned and watched the light next to the power button fade, so he clicked the button again. Nothing happened. He tried again. Still nothing. A few seconds passed before Shiro lightly smacked the side of the device a few times, but there was no sound.

A silent sigh escaped Shiro as he dropped his head in his hands and ran his fingers through his tangled bangs and close-cropped hair. His eyes slipped shut as a wave of stress washed over him, tensing his muscles and making his brain buzz. The video had a list of questions that went along with it, all of them due at the end of the class, but his laptop was the only device that could play it. His phone could play videos, but the file type of the video wasn’t compatible with it, so the video wouldn’t play on there.

“Are you alright, Shirogane?”

Shiro’s head snapped up at the voice in front of him, and his gaze rose to meet that of Instructor Holt. The man wore his usual cheerful smile, and his hands were clasped behind his back, a habit from the military Shiro guessed the man hadn’t shaken.

“My laptop just,” Shiro began, before dropping his hand on the table with no grandeur to represent the state of his device. “And my phone can’t play the video,” he added.

Instructor Holt nodded, his smile dimming just slightly as he picked up on what Shiro meant. “It seems you might need to visit the IT Center again,” the man recommended. “Go ahead and go. I’ll talk to Instructor Con and see about extending the due date for your responses,” he said, gesturing to the questions sheet.

Shiro nodded and thanked the man, then got to his feet. He closed his backpack and shouldered it before closing his laptop, picking it up, and heading out of the room. He was aware of all the eyes on him, and he felt his pace quicken involuntarily halfway across the room. He didn’t even look in Instructor Con’s direction, afraid the man might be irritated by his lack of responsibility on his technology upkeep.

Shiro had always been a model student in his class, but for some reason he’d been lacking in the past week. His third year was off to a rough start in comparison to his previous years, both in terms of technology and his ability to pay attention in class. His things kept breaking and his mind was foggy, making him zone-out during lectures and even once during a flight simulation. He always recovered quickly enough, but he could tell from the small downward quirk of Instructor Con’s mouth that the man had noticed.

Shaking the thoughts of his past week from his mind, Shiro made his way out of the building and toward the IT Center. It wasn’t very far away, only a ten minute walk, so he would hopefully be able to get his laptop checked in sooner rather than later. If all went well, he wondered if he’d maybe get it back that night.

Unfortunately, Shiro’s plans of keeping up with his class were crushed when he reached the IT Center. It was earlier in the day than the last two times he’d gone, and it seemed everyone else on campus with tech problems had decided to go on the same day, at the same time as Shiro. A long line stretched out the door, and Shiro was dead last. He sighed for the fourth time in fifteen minutes as he slowed to a stop behind a girl with at least ten piercings in her face alone. They suited her, but Shiro didn’t understand why people would scar themselves intentionally like that. If he could make even just the scar on his nose vanish, he’d do it without hesitating.

As Shiro waited, he observed the rest of the students. Most of them carried fancy new phones and laptops, some with cracked screens or the legendary blue screen of death. A few others had black screened, totally dead lumps of useless metal like Shiro’s. The demographic of the students was similar as well, most of the students dressed in a hipster style with gelled and curled hair. It made Shiro feel out of place, or at least more out of place than usual.

The sound of a familiar voice caught Shiro’s attention, and he looked up at the counter and saw Matt raising his hand to signal the next person in line. The young man met the approaching woman with a smile, taking the computer that she held out and launching into a simple round of questions about the issue. His hands were careful with the technology, slim fingers nimbly searching for ports and screws as he listened to a description of the problem.

Shiro couldn’t hear much from where he stood, but he managed to hear a light chuckle escape the boy, and it made his lips twitch into a smile. He suddenly found himself wishing that it was him up at the counter, talking to Matt and making him laugh. He wanted that bright smile to be turned in his direction.

‘Shiro no, what are you even thinking about you barely know this guy. Just because he was nice to you doesn’t mean he’s your friend or anything, it is literally his JOB to be nice to people,’ Shiro thought, mentally slapping himself. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking for a friend on campus, given the closest thing he had to one was his cat. Eurus was great, but she wasn’t a human who could walk around campus with him and talk with him. One-sided conversations got awkward, and if anyone ever heard him talking to his cat, he’d definitely go from just ‘scar-face’ to both that and ‘the crazy-cat-dude’.

The line inched forward bit by bit, and Shiro slowly moved into the room. With each stressed college student who passed him on their way out, he got closer to the counter. He was able to see that the counter was also manned by an older man with salt and pepper hair and small glasses, as well as a curly-haired Latina with a cheerful smile that seemed infectious, kind of like Matt’s. The two, as well as Matt, were working quickly to get through the line, jotting down notes on notepads and writing names on plastic baggies. Laptops, phones, and even a small television filled the shelves behind the counter, which were already loaded with tech. It made Shiro wonder how the people running the place would even be able to fix it all, which led to the man dreading how long it might take for his laptop to be fixed.

Luckily for Shiro, when he reached the front of the line, Matt was finishing up with his customer. The boy took a dead-screened phone from a kind-looking black woman with wavy white hair and gentle eyes that made Shiro’s chest tingle. She was quite beautiful. The woman turned and left, catching Shiro’s gaze as she did so. Unlike most people, who looked away cringed, she gave him a friendly smile before going on her way. It made the aviation student’s heart a little warmer.

“Back for round two?” Matt asked as he waved Shiro over. Shiro shook his head and smiled weakly.

“This time it’s the laptop. It started to turn on, but then everything suddenly stopped and it shut off. Now I can’t even get it to start,” he explained. Matt nodded, taking the laptop and opening it up. He pressed the power button, then leaned in to listen for the fans.

“Is there any chance the battery ran out?”

“I charge it every night, and the charger hasn’t failed me since I got it.”

Matt scribbled something on a notepad, then stuck it on the laptop. He then wrote Shiro’s name on the top of a second one before looking up at the man.

“Can I have a contact number? It’s hard to tell how long the fix will take, especially since we have quite the pile over there,” the boy said, gesturing with his head toward the shelves behind him. Shiro nodded and recited his cell phone number. “And would you prefer the notification for pick up to be by call or text?” Matt asked. Shiro paused to contemplate.

“Uh, text please,” he decided. That would be the best option in case the notification came while he was in class. Plus, the ringer on his phone didn’t always work and he didn’t want to miss the call.

“Okay. We’ll let you know when your laptop is ready,” Matt said, picking up the device after sticking the second note on it. He turned to drop the things off on the shelf, but Shiro stopped him.

“Before I go, I have an a video to watch for an assignment, but I can’t play it on my phone. Is there anywhere I can rent a computer or something?” Shiro asked. Matt turned back and nodded.

“Downstairs through the second door on the left from the main entrance is a computer lab. It’s open to anyone unless a professor reserves it, but that one is a bit older and usually doesn’t see much use. I recommend going there. All you have to do is sign in to the computer using your student login, then you can do whatever homework you need,” he explained, attempting to gesture with his hands but failing due to the burden he was carrying.

“Okay, thanks. Uh, good luck with all the, uh,” Shiro stopped, motioning to the shelves. Matt let out an amused chuckle.

“Thank you. See you later, Mr. Shirogane,” the boy said.

“Just, uh, Shiro is fine,” Shiro said before he could stop himself. His face felt a little warm at the slip, but he tried his best to ignore it. Matt smiled, a warm smile that was a little different than the bright and polite one he usually wore.

“See you, Shiro.”

Shiro walked out of the room barely containing a small grin. His mind replayed the chuckle he’d heard, the one that resulted from him and his words, and it made him smile a little wider. Maybe he could try to be friends with Matt after all.

Chapter Text

Over the next few days, Shiro’s life went a bit smoother. The fog in his mind had mysteriously lifted, leaving his brain sharp and his reflexes even sharper. It was good timing too, because they were starting to work with the actual planes that week. However, there were no lone flights yet. Those would start after everyone did a flight with an instructor and showed that they hadn’t gotten rusty over the summer break. Instead, they were doing refreshers over controls and basic maintenance.

The end of classwork for the time being was a lucky break for Shiro, since he didn’t have his laptop. That didn’t do him much good in his other classes, but it was his flight classes that he wanted to be most impressive in. Those took priority.

“On Monday we start flights. For now, finish assembling your kits, then you are dismissed,” Instructor Con announced. It was the end of the Friday class, meaning the students had their weekend ahead of them, and most of them didn’t want to stay a minute longer. However, half of them were struggling with their engine kits, and wouldn’t finish for at least another half hour. The other half were in various stages of completion. Among them was Shiro, who was just finishing with a few screws. His eyes caught movement to his left, and he looked up to see Instructor Holt approaching.

“You sure know what you’re doing. Are you a mechanics minor?” the older man asked. Shiro nodded.

“You never know when you’ll have to fix something yourself, so I thought mechanics might be a good minor. I also like fixing things, even though I’m not very good at it. With enough practice, assembly gets pretty easy, though. It’s kind of the same with a lot of smaller engines,” he explained. A small smile crept across his face as he spoke, unable to control the little jolt of happiness that went through him as he finished. Mechanics wasn’t his strong suit, but being able to fix things was pretty important for just about anyone. It was especially important since his tech seemed to want to break every day, and pretty soon he would run out of money and not be able to afford the IT center. Their prices were actually pretty good, but Shiro was living on pensions, and they only stretched so far between him and his brother back home.

“I see. My son does a lot of fixing things too, and he’s pretty good at it. Maybe he can give you a few pointers,” Instructor Holt offered with a chuckle. Shiro nodded. It would be nice to get some outside help, since the people in his classes weren’t very open to talking to him, let alone working with him.

Instructor Holt stood around for a few more moments as Shiro finished up his project, then the man turned and moved on to another student nearby, who was putting her last piece on her engine. Shiro watched him go as he wiped his hands on a rag and cleaned up, then he took his engine into the storage room and left the class.

Shiro’s mechanics class was in a building a good twenty minutes away, and his class started in half an hour. It left him with little time for food, so he stopped at a vending machine on his way and bought Gatorade and a few granola bars.

When Shiro reached his class, he dropped his bag under a metal table in the corner and picked up a pair of safety glasses from a bin near the door. They were one of the larger pairs, and fortunately fit his face perfectly. A few times he’d shown up late and been stuck with a pair of glasses that barely squeezed onto his face and left welts on the sides of his head for a whole day. Of course, no one bothered to trade with him, not even someone with a smaller face who had glasses that were just a smidge too big. They found him weird, creepy, broody, and ugly. A few students had even said he looked like an old man with his grey and white hair when they thought he was out of earshot. Fortunately he wasn’t outright bullied, but he guessed the only reason for that was his scars and his large, muscular build, which tended to intimidate most people.

“Okay everyone, today we’ll be working on…” The professor began to explain the lesson, and Shiro focused all his attention on listening. He hung on to every word, searching for tips on how to get better and what not to do. When the professor pulled a broken, rusty Harley-Davidson motorcycle from the junk lot outside, a small smile curved his lips. If Keith was there, the boy would have lost it. Shiro’s brother loved motorcycles, and seeing one in such poor condition would surely send him stomping and yelling about lazy people and disrespect for such a beautiful invention.

The task for the day was for the class to identify as many issues with the bike as possibly without taking it apart or touching it too much, since it was a bit frail. Whoever came up with the most would get extra credit, then each student would be assigned a part to fix. They would all repair the bike as a group effort, and be graded on their specific pieces. That would let the professor know who needed more practice and who could move on to fixing larger vehicles.
Shiro searched the bike over and over, thinking about all the things Keith always talked about and all the things he had learned in his classes so far. He knew the bike had a lot wrong with it, so when his list stopped at five problems, he didn’t hesitate to look again.

In the end, Shiro came up with eleven issues. The winner of the extra credit found fourteen issues, but Shiro wasn’t upset about not finding everything. Sure he wasn’t great, but he was doing better than his previous year, and that was something. He kept that in mind as he was assigned his part, and worked on it quickly but carefully. By the time class ended that day, he knew he at least had a chance of passing the repair test.

On his way back to his dorm, Shiro got a text from the IT Center. It stated that his laptop was ready for pick up, and the hours of the center were attached to it. Most days they were open from 9am-9pm, but Saturdays and Sundays they were closed, and they closed at 5pm on Fridays. It was 5:20pm.

With a sigh, Shiro set a notification on his phone to pick up his laptop Monday morning.

Chapter Text

Saturday morning, Shiro went for a run again. He got up early at 6am and took to the sidewalk. With his headphones in and workout clothes on, he was off. He had worn a long-sleeve shirt like usual, but had left his black leather gloves on his dresser. It was early, so not many people would be out. It also didn’t get very bright until about 7:30am, so no one would notice his grotesque right hand unless they got close and took a long look.

Beneath Shiro’s feet, the sidewalk was solid and assuring. He’d woken up after another bad dream, one he couldn’t quite comprehend. It felt hot, like he was on fire, but he felt no pain. All there had been was an uncomfortable tingle. His vision had been a blurry mess of red and black, flashes of light exploding in the distance. His hearing was muffled to the point that he could barely tell one sound from another. He thought he’d heard shouting and screaming, but he wasn’t quite sure. It was dreams like those that he hated the most.

The crystal clear nightmares that often struck him made him jolt upright in bed, his heart pounding so hard it felt like it would burst, while the vague dreams left him confused. Sometimes he could fall asleep again after a nightmare if he laid down long enough, and other times he just closed his eyes and tried to think about something else while staying put. On the other hand, he couldn’t stay in bed after a vague dream. They left him feeling disoriented and detached from his body, as if he had woken from one dream only to be inside of another. Nothing seemed to be able to ground him after one of those, not even the pain from digging his nails into the flesh of his palms and forearms, a method he used to ground himself during his more severe panic attacks. It was for that reason that he’d decided to go for a run in the first place, since the rhythm and solid ground under his feet helped to slowly pull his mind back into his body.

 As time passed, Shiro was relieved to feel the fuzziness in his mind disappearing. He let out a sigh of relief when he took a short water break an hour in, finally able to think. When he started jogging again, he let his thoughts wander. It was a habit of his, letting himself go. He could jog for hours while just letting his thoughts drift, and he’d only notice his sore muscles and heaving lungs when he came to his senses at the end of it. The drifting during his runs also covered him in a blanket of calm, as his mind tended to go to the memories of flying, the few memories of skydiving, and the years before of standing on the open plane of a runway, feeling the wind slide through his bangs and tickle his scalp. The feeling of wind as he ran wasn’t nearly as strong as in the skydiving memories or as serene as standing on a runway, but it was enough to at least call the wisps of the memories to the surface of his mind. Those memories were the things he loved in a world that seemed to hate him.

 As the sun rose above the horizon and the world began to be illuminated, Shiro turned in the direction of his dorm. He was going a bit slower than before, doing the end of his run as a cooldown, but had to change course a few time to avoid the other students who slowly began to fill the sidewalks. When he saw someone coming on his sidewalk, he’d veer off onto another and move back on course after he passed them. By the time he reached his building, morning classes were starting, and the students were leaving their dorms and heading off with coffee cups and energy drinks in hand.

Shiro narrowly avoided running into one of the guys who lived next door when he passed the guy’s door just as he was leaving his room. Shiro called out a quiet apology and pretended to scratch his left shoulder with his right hand as he stuck his key in his lock with his left hand, hoping his neighbor wouldn’t look back and see his exposed right hand.

When he entered his dorm, Shiro quickly pulled the door shut behind himself to separate himself from the world. He slumped against the door and let out the breath he’d been holding since he came upon his building and found the outside crawling with students. His right hand twitched at his side and he clenched it into a fist, conscious of the fact that anyone could have seen it. A look at his phone revealed that it was 8:30am, half an hour later than he’d planned to be out. He cursed himself for not paying better attention to the time, especially when he wasn’t wearing his gloves.

Needing to calm down a little after the close encounter with his neighbor, Shiro looked for Eurus. The cat was asleep in the middle of his unmade bed, and she yawned and looked up when Shiro called her. Shiro smiled and scratched her chin, then ran his hand over the silky fur around her ears to flatten what stuck up from her nap.

Eurus purred and leaned into Shiro’s hand, then turned her head to sniff him. She quickly recoiled and gave Shiro an annoyed look that made him smile.

“I guess I should probably take a shower,” he said, catching the hint. Eurus proceeded to lay her head back down on the bed and close her eyes, a clear end to the conversation that made Shiro shake his head and smirk.

'Wow Shiro, no wonder no one likes you. Even your cat just rejected you,’ he thought to himself. It was a lighthearted joke to himself, because he knew that Eurus did in fact like him, she just did not enjoy his presence when he was smelly and drenched in sweat from a run. However, the more he thought about it, the more it was true a thought to seem very funny.

A cold feeling blossomed in Shiro’s chest and the smile slipped from his face as he dug around his dresser for some fresh clothes. He balled the clothes up in his hands and headed for the bathroom, giving Eurus a small smile when he noticed that she was watching him, perceptive of his emotions as always.

Shiro showered quickly, a habit he’d made in the military and never quite kicked. He scrubbed his hair and washed up in just three minutes, then emerged from the bathroom two minutes later with his poof of white hair combed and fresh clothes on; his dirty ones were left in a hamper in the corner of his room.

Shiro stood next to his dresser and glanced at his phone as he used a hand towel to carefully wipe away extra water from his right arm. The metal wouldn’t rust even if he didn’t; it would have to be submerged in water for weeks straight for that to happen at all, but the better he took care of it, the less he’d have to worry about pieces being compromised and needing replacements. His arm was already an experimental mix of flesh and a metal prosthetic, something that had been done in an attempt to allow him to keep full function of his right arm instead of losing what remained and getting a prosthetic that he wouldn’t be able to move like a flesh limb. It made Shiro’s life easier, since he could do all of the things he had always done with his right hand, but the mix of skin and metal stood out more than a prosthetic and he was very conscious of it. In the past, he never would have thought he’d have any insecurities past wondering if his flying skills were good enough for his rank. He never would have guessed that he would be wearing long sleeves and leather gloves every day to hide an entire limb from sight.

Shiro dropped his hand towel on his dresser when he finished drying his arm, then, still uneasy from the events of his early morning, pulled on a long-sleeved shirt and his familiar leather gloves to cover his arm.

Lacking anything productive to do over his weekend, Shiro flopped face-down on his bed and pulled out his phone. He had downloaded a movie a few days earlier but never had the time to watch it due to his classes. Since he finally had a day to kill, he pulled it up, turning up his volume loud enough to hear the audio clearly. He would have preferred to watch the movie on a bigger screen, but his laptop was a no go, so his phone would have to do.

A few minutes into the movie, Shiro felt a weight on his back between his shoulder blades and turned around to see Eurus standing on him. She kneaded the spot with her paws for a moment before laying down and licking her shoulder contentedly. Shiro smiled at the sight before turning back to his movie.

-000-

After two and a half hours of bad jokes, zombies, and dramatic reunions, the credits rolled on the screen of Shiro’s phone. He closed the tab and returned to his home screen, which was a random picture of a sleek jet. The sight always set a pang of longing through him as he remembered his own jet, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to change it. Other than the memories of his team and flying, the only important things he had in the world were Eurus and Keith, but his brother hated pictures. The only way Shiro had managed to get any was by sneaking them, and they tended to end up blurry. One of the few good ones he had was his lock screen, a picture of Keith asleep on the couch back home, cuddled up with Eurus. It always made Shiro smile, even on his worst days, though he had to switch the picture at home in case Keith picked up his phone because he knew the boy would delete it.

Checking his messages, Shiro found none from Keith. His brother had called him every few nights and sent a few texts during the day since Shiro left for college, but for the most part he was busy with school and work. Keith was in his senior year of high school and bused tables at a local family restaurant. In Shiro’s absence he was looked after by his friend Lance McClain, a barista at the coffee shop next to the restaurant who Keith claimed to hate despite them being friends. However, Shiro had seen them in the time when they weren’t arguing over something stupid like who could clean dishes the fastest, and he knew there was no true hate between them. The two were closer than Shiro had ever been with anyone, and Lance was a good guy. If not for the fact that Keith was too dense to recognize any emotions but anger and annoyance from others, and the fact that Lance had crushing insecurities that made him think he wasn’t good enough for anyone, the two would be totally inseparable.

With a deep breath, Shiro pushed himself upright to sit on his bed, and Eurus jumped off his back as he started to rise to avoid falling. She let out an annoyed meow and Shiro reached out to pet her apologetically before checking the time. It was almost noon and he’d hadn’t had breakfast, but he didn’t feel comfortable about leaving his room again yet. However, he didn’t have a microwave or any pans for cooking on the stove in his dorm, let alone anything to cook. The minifridge in the kitchen was empty except for an untouched bottle of whiskey and some bottled water, and his cupboard contained nothing but a box of granola bars. Shiro cringed when he spotted the whiskey in the refrigerator, and he shut the door quickly. He wasn’t much of an alcohol person, but sometimes he needed it when he was a little to stressed or when the nightmares wouldn’t let him sleep without some help.

Knowing that actual food wouldn’t appear on the counter no matter how long he stared at it, Shiro returned to his bedroom for his ID and phone. He stopped in the other room to feed Eurus and glanced at his hands and rubbed his fingers together to assure himself through visual, audio, and somatosensory confirmation that he really was wearing his gloves, then headed out to get food from the cafeteria.

Chapter Text

The day was hotter than most days in the fall typically were, and Shiro found himself wishing he could wear a short-sleeved shirt and take off his gloves. Anxiety of what could happen if anyone saw his arm kept him from doing so, especially after the close call he’d had that morning, but there were some days when it was just too hot for him to not at least think about it. It didn’t help that the bright rays from the sun were blinding to Shiro after having spent two and a half hours watching a movie in a darkened room, and he didn’t have any sunglasses. He just hoped that the weather would change soon, possibly clouding the sun over a bit and cooling the temperature to something a little more bearable.

Squinting his eyes against the light, Shiro dropped his gaze to the pavement and continued walking, using his memory to take the right path to the cafeteria. A few times he almost bumped into people, but he kept his head down and kept going. It wasn’t until the building came into sight that he actually did run into someone, or more accurately, the two ran into each other. 

“Oh, ah, sorry.”

Two voices muttered the same phrase, and Shiro’s gaze leaped from the sidewalk to a familiar face. Matt stood in front of him, one of his hands hovering over the phone he held as he tried to see the screen in the bright mid-day sunlight. His eyes met Shiro’s and he smiled, dropping his arm to his side and slipping the phone into his pocket.

“Hey, Shiro. I was just heading to the cafeteria. Sorry about that,” the boy said, tilting his head back to look Shiro in the eyes with a polite smile. However, he was squinting, and he lowered his gaze after just a moment as the sun blazed unforgivingly in his eyes.

Noticing Matt’s struggle, Shiro discreetly shifted to the side a little to block the sun from the young man’s direct line of vision as he did his best to school his features and return his expression to something more neutral, relaxing his tense posture a bit and attempting a smile in return.

“Oh, uh, so am I,” he stated lamely, not sure exactly what to say.

In the IT Center, Shiro didn’t need to talk much. He only had to ask and answer questions, then he could listen to Matt explain what was wrong with the device, how it’s fixed, and a bunch of other stuff he didn’t understand. Shiro had no idea what he was supposed to talk about outside the IT center though, and wasn’t sure if bringing up the place and asking about all the problems people were having was an interesting conversational topic or not.

“Do you want to eat with me then? I usually go with other people from the Center, but none of them are there today because it’s the weekend,” Matt offered.

“Sure.” Shiro replied awkwardly after a moment, his brain slowly attempting to process the fact that someone was actually offering to casually hang around him, something he hadn’t experienced since he was in the military. 

The pair resumed walking, this time side by side. Matt didn’t pull out the phone again, but he also didn’t speak. Shiro was silent as well, still unsure of what to talk about, or even if they should talk.

“So, why are you at the IT Center today? Aren’t you guys closed?” Shiro asked after a moment, deciding to take a chance with a question. Matt rubbed his neck a bit sheepishly.

“Yeah. We close on weekends because there are only about five students who work at the Center along with the professor, and it assures that we all get some time off to do what we want or need to do. I don’t have much stuff to do though, and since we’re pretty busy right now I’m trying to fix as much stuff as I can in case we get more during the week. People will lose faith in us if we take two weeks to fix their tech,” he explained. Shiro frowned.

“Why don’t you go out with friends or something?” he asked. Matt shook his head.

“All the IT Center people are out with their other friends, so I don’t have anyone to hang out with right now. I kind of prefer working with the tech all day, though,” he said. Shiro nodded.

The two fell into a relatively comfortable silence, their gazes ahead as they entered the cafeteria building. They worked their way through the clusters of students until they reached the line, where they each picked up a meal. They then emerged from the line and scanned the rows of tables and booths in search of an empty one. Shiro spotted one in the back corner and nudged Matt’s arm before gesturing with his head. The two walked quickly across the room, skirting the occupied tables and the bags that littered the floor until they reached the empty booth. They claimed the table with their trays and slid into the seats across from each other, then dug into their hamburgers.

“This phone is making me hate life more than your average student,” Matt said a few minutes into his meal when an obnoxious ringtone suddenly blared from his pocket. He pulled a sleek white iPhone from his pocket and set it on the table, poking at the screen until it quieted. Fortunately, the room was very loud, so no one seemed to have noticed.

“Is it yours?” Shiro asked, crumpling up the wrapper of the burger he’d just finished. Matt shook his head.

“Someone brought it in because the ringtone keeps going off at full volume at random, and it was interrupting their sleep and classes. Technically I’m not supposed to take repairs out of the IT Center, but Professor Rift wants this thing gone. He said I could even take it home with me to work on as long as I can take care of it sooner rather than later. Thing is though, I couldn’t even fix it with a factory reset,” he explained, furrowing his brow and tapping at the screen a few times again. “Nothing’s wrong with the hardware, so it has to be the software, but the reset should have fixed that. I don’t know what’s going on,” he added. Shiro nodded.

“Can the professor fix it?” he asked. Matt shook his head again and sighed.

“He doesn’t want to hear this thing go off any more than he has to. If he knew how to fix it, if any of us knew how to fix it, then I wouldn’t be sitting here doing the same thing over and over in hopes that it will actually work,” he pointed out. “My younger sister is trying to figure it out at home. She likes building and fixing stuff too, and she’s probably going to be better than me in a few years. I’m sure we can take care of this soon,” he said. “I hope,” he tagged on quietly to himself.

Shiro watched Matt as the boy tapped away at the phone, his fingers flying across the screen. It was hypnotizing in a way, the motions seemingly repetitive when in reality he was doing something just a little different each time. Shiro didn’t know he was staring until Matt’s hand stopped and the boy called his name once, then twice, then again, finally gaining Shiro’s attention and a startled twitch.

“You alright?” Matt asked, his head tilted to the side just slightly as his eyebrows furrowed ever so little in concern.

Shiro scrubbed his face with a gloved hand, half to bring himself back to reality and half to hide the slight color of embarrassment on his face.

“Just tired,” he responded, not entirely lying. He hadn’t exactly slept much the night before, and as a person who suffered from frequent nightmares on top of being a college student, sleep wasn’t exactly something he got a lot of on a regular basis. 

“Ah. I can relate,” Matt said with a small smile, giving up on the phone and sliding it back into his pocket. He then picked up his burger again and began to nibble at it, not quite hungry but knowing he needed the food because he hadn’t eaten yet that day.

The two lapsed into silence again and finished their food. When Shiro finished first, he found himself picking at his gloves while he waited for Matt get done. He noticed the young man staring at one point, but Matt never questioned him, which both relieved and disappointed Shiro. He hated when people asked him questions, such as why he never wore short sleeves, why he always wore gloves, where did he get the scar on his face, and if he dyed his hair. Despite that, part of him wanted Matt to ask. Part of him wanted to spill the details of his life to someone. Talking to others was nice sometimes, but the only people he was close enough to get personal with were Keith and Eurus, who wasn’t even a person, but a cat. Shiro could only wonder what it was about Matt that made him want to divulge secrets he’d carefully kept for years. Perhaps his kind nature and innocence? Or was it the fact that someone other than Shiro’s brother or his brother’s friends was being genuinely nice to him for the first time in years, and he was desperate to have a shoulder to lean on during his bad days rather than laying in his bed in the dark or drinking himself unconscious? It was hard to tell. On the other hand however, what would he do if Matt didn’t respond well? What if he lost the closest thing he’s had to a friend in his college career because Matt didn’t want anything to do with him? The tech student seemed to not mind Shiro’s appearance at all, but what if Shiro’s story turned him away? The thought made Shiro tense, a flower of cold dread blossoming in his chest. That single possibility alone was enough to completely quell his urge to open up at all.  

 Once Matt finished, the two vacated their table for other students to use and left the cafeteria. They walked together until they neared the IT Center, where Shiro stopped.

“I guess I’ll go back to my dorm. Good luck with the phone,” Shiro said. Matt nodded.

“Thank you. Oh, by the way, how’s your computer working? Professor Rift fixed it. He said it was hard because it was a little old, but it should work okay now,” Matt explained.

“Actually, I never got it back. I got the notification last night after you guys were already closed,” Shiro recalled. Matt sighed.

“That system is so slow; I need to make a new one. Do you want to pick up your laptop right now? Professor Rift won’t care as long as you don’t touch any of the tools or tech,” he offered.

Shiro’s eyes widened a fraction in surprise, and his brain took a moment to process the offer.

“Oh, uh… sure, I guess,” he stuttered awkwardly, causing him to mentally slap himself. He wasn’t usually so unsure of what to say or do, but Matt was far different in conversation than the temporary partners Shiro had dealt with for class projects. He was much more willing to talk and far more likely to catch Shiro off-guard with unexpected words and kindness. Matt was also a chance at making an actual friend in a world that rejected Shiro for his appearance and mind because they weren’t normal enough, and he was afraid he’d mess that up. At least Shiro wouldn’t have to worry about Matt turning his back on him over discomfort with the older man’s insecurities if he was already chased off by Shiro’s inability to hold a decent conversation.

Shiro had never had problems with socializing back in high school, during the time when he’d been popular and sporty with loads of friends who only ever talked about the same three things. Even in the military there had been so much required of him in conversation that he never had to think of something to say. It had been straightforward, simple. Immediately after his discharge, he’d worked to be the same social guy as in high school, but the rejection and isolation he faced due to his differences quickly sank in and he found himself being closed off from the world. His social skills had gone rusty after years of disuse, and he was suddenly in need of gears that wouldn’t turn.

Matt smiled and led the way without another word, and Shiro followed him into the building and up an unfamiliar staircase until they reached an unmarked white door. Matt stuck a key in the lock, twisted, and opened it up to reveal a room full of tools, equipment, and lots of tech. Laptops, cell phones, TVs, tablets, everything. It was all a bit stunning, and Shiro found himself stopping to take a look at everything in the room.

“Like I said, we’ve been busy,” Matt said, gesturing to all of the tech on his way to a desk in the corner. He took the phone out and left it there, then moved to the shelves and started digging around. He muttered names under his breath before pausing and humming a sound of success. “Here we go.” He reached into a stack and pulled out a blocky old laptop, carrying it to Shiro and handing it over. “Go ahead and try it out, then if it doesn’t work right you won’t have to walk all the way back here from your dorm,” he recommended.

Shiro nodded and opened the laptop, balancing it on one arm and hitting the power button with his free hand. He waited as the device slowly powered up, the screen lighting up and the fans whirring to life until his home screen appeared. He opened a few programs to make sure everything worked like it should, and found that the laptop was actually working better than he expected. It hadn’t run that smoothly since he first got it.

“Is it working okay?” Matt asked. Shiro nodded.

“Yeah, it works great. Thanks for letting me come in and get it today,” the man said, the relief in his voice evident. He had been dreading the scramble to get his laptop on Monday, knowing he would have had to wait in a long line during his precious few hours of free time. Now, the only issue he had left was the payment. “So what’s the fee?”

“The bill will get delivered to your dorm at the end of the week, and you can pay at the Administration Office. It used to be that students paid here, but during the spring semester last year a student working at the first aid center was found embezzling, so transactions can’t be done through student-run groups on campus anymore,” Matt explained, frowning as he spoke. He fiddled with a tablet he had picked off a shelf while Shiro was testing his laptop, and his fingers jabbed at the screen just a little too roughly when he mentioned the scandal from the previous semester.

Shiro tensed at the slight tone of anger he detected in Matt’s voice despite the fact that it wasn’t aimed at him at all. That was the first negative emotion he had seen Matt express in the week that he’d known him, and it was a bit unnerving.

As if sensing Shiro’s unease, Matt’s hand stopped as the boy looked up at Shiro. Matt studied him for a moment, then a gentle smile pulled at his lips. “Anyway, if there are any problems with your bill, you can drop by here and Professor Rift can take a look at it. Your computer didn’t need any new parts, so it shouldn’t be too expensive,” he said. As he spoke, Matt moved the tablet aside on his desk and picked a slim laptop off the shelf to work on.

Every shred of the negativity that had furrowed Matt’s brows and hardened his voice just moments ago had disappeared in an instant, and with it went Shiro’s discomfort. The tension in the aviation student’s muscles was washed away in a wave of calm, leaving Shiro feeling relaxed. It seemed there really was something about Matt that made Shiro feel so oddly comfortable in his presence, and it made Shiro curious. He wanted to know more about the boy, but at the same time, the clock on the wall was telling him he needed to go back to his dorm and feed Eurus.

“Alright. I’ll let you get back to your work, then, ” Shiro offered with a small smile as he folded up his laptop and tucked it under his good arm. He got a friendly smile and a wave from Matt before he headed for the door.

Shiro only made it a few steps before a sudden wave of courage hit him, fueling a reckless thought in the back of his mind. Before he could stop himself, he spun around and found himself meeting Matt’s gaze. The boy looked at him with curious eyes, his hands hovering over a mess of wires inside the disassembled laptop on his desk.

“Do you want to hang out sometime? Like, when I don’t have a device that I need someone from here to fix?” he asked, his tone a bit flat like he was possessed. He may as well have been, because he couldn’t think of any other reason why he was able to be so upfront.

Matt surprised Shiro by laughing. It was a quiet, giggle-like laugh that pulled his lips into a smile and crinkled the skin around his golden brown eyes.

“I don’t see why not,” he said, the smile on his face not the least bit forced. He held out his hand. “Let me see your phone for a minute.”

Shiro stepped forward and pulled his phone from his pocket, handing it to Matt. He didn’t understand why he boy was laughing, or why he wanted his phone, but he decided to just go with it because he didn’t have a clue of what to do next.

Matt tapped around on Shiro’s phone for a minute before turning it off and handing it back. Shiro accepted it and smiled a bit awkwardly, shoving the phone into his pocket and backing away.

“I guess I’ll see you later, then,” he said, then turned and left before he could burst into flames and burn in the raging inferno of his own social awkwardness.

As Shiro exited the building that held the IT Center, he took out his phone and turned it on. He opened up a few apps in search of what Matt had done, but couldn’t find anything. There were no new updates, nothing had been installed, and no recent apps appeared when he tapped the corner of his screen. Frowning, he pulled up his contacts to text Keith and ask how the boy was doing in school. It was then that he noticed a second contact on the almost-empty page. It was labeled Matt, but unlike Keith’s contact, there was no photo. It struck Shiro that Matt had taken his phone to put his number in it. Exchanging contact information hadn’t crossed Shiro’s mind once, not even after asking if Matt wanted to hang out sometime.

Shiro smacked himself in the temple and exited his contacts, fumbling for the power button with fingers that had sudden gotten shaky from a burst of excitement. He clicked the button once, then twice, and his lock screen showed up. It occurred to him that he had no password, so anyone who got a hold of his phone could get into it. He hadn’t cared before, since his only personal information was Keith’s contact. However, he wasn’t so sure about just leaving his phone open to the world anymore. Keith would never answer a text or pick up a call if he didn’t recognize the number, but Shiro didn’t know about Matt. In his head, Shiro made a note to put a password on his phone later that day.

Somehow, Shiro wasn’t surprised that night when he found that he couldn’t sleep at all from the tingle of excitement in his veins. After two lonely years he had finally made his first friend in college, and it was a kind, beautiful, smart guy from the IT Center.

Chapter Text

Matt and Shiro didn’t see each other for a week after their run-in at the cafeteria. The two were busy with classes, homework, and in Matt’s case, the IT Center. There wasn’t much communication at all between them, since only Matt had given his number to Shiro and not vice versa, and Shiro couldn’t quite build up the courage to send a text. Anxiety deep within his gut told him that something would happen and Matt wouldn’t be the person on the other end. It told him Matt might’ve mistyped while entering his number, or that his sister was playing on his phone and would be the one holding it when the message went through. The fear made Shiro wait days to text Matt, not even daring to open the contact until Friday, when his mechanics class went horribly sour.

The professor had assigned a workshop during which the students would split into groups and each group would receive a large, scrambled toolbox which they were to organize in a way that would make it easier for them to find the tools they needed. The test was supposedly an introduction into the next unit, where students would start working on broken-down cars that were donated to the university over time. The cars were reused every year, as the professors of the mechanics classes would scramble the parts of the vehicles and purposely create problems with them, then task their students with fixing them.

The organization of the toolboxes wasn’t exactly a proper lesson, despite what the professors all tried to prove. It was no secret that the toolboxes for car repairs would always end up in a mess at the end of each semester, and all the students knew that the professors would rather jump off the tallest building on campus than spend their time organizing them. To avoid that, the professors would make the organization into an ‘assignment’ and claim that the students needed to organize the toolboxes specific to them and their preferred set-ups so they could work more efficiently. That wasn’t entirely false, but the impact was played up quite steeply.  

Regardless of how bullshit everyone knew the assignment was, they did it anyway, as it was an easy A that many would desperately need in order to hold onto a passing grade later in the semester.

After the assignment was given, students immediately began to group up around the toolboxes. There was no limitation given on how many people could be in a group, since multiple groups would be working on the same car, and everyone would be graded for their abilities individually. Due to that, groups of friends numbering seven to eight occupied a few toolboxes, earning a look of slight disappointment from the professor.

As everyone joined up with their friends, Shiro made his way to a nearby toolbox with no one around it. As expected, no one came to join him, not even the other loners, who stepped up to join the other small groups in the room.

By the time everyone stood at a toolbox, every group numbered at least three people, bar Shiro’s, which was him alone. The professor called for everyone to start, then discreetly made his way over to Shiro as the students dove in.

“Shirogane?”

Shiro looked up from the drawer he was emptying to meet eyes with the professor, who had a slight look of concern on his face. “Hey, Professor,” he greeted with a polite smile.

The professor returned a weak grin that was more forced than the relationships in the cheesy romance movies Shiro had been tricked into watching by his brother’s friend Lance. The older man looked a bit pained, and his lips twitched as he pondered what to say.

“Are you alright with working alone, Shirogane? I know you aren’t much of a socializer, but if you want someone to help you out I can talk to a few of the other students-“ he began, only to be silenced by a dismissive wave by Shiro.

“That’s okay, sir. The people in this class aren’t exactly enamored by me, but that’s alright. Like you said, I’m not much of a socializer. I’ll be fine,” he assured, hoping the calm, confident tone he was faking didn’t sound as strained as his voice felt. It wasn’t like he was lying, per say. He personally wasn’t very fond of most of his classmates, just as they weren’t very fond of him. However, the cold numbness of rejection was a far-too-familiar weight in his chest that made his lungs feel a little too tight.  

“You sure?” the professor asked, his reluctance to leave Shiro by himself uncomfortably blatant. The professor cared about his students, and it pained him to see someone like Shiro so isolated. The man knew Shiro was very polite and well-mannered, and he always felt extreme malcontent at his student’s ostracization.

“Yes, sir,” Shiro replied. He nodded his head toward the group at the next toolbox over, just about five feet away. “Besides, I won’t get bored having to listen to that group over there,” he joked, though he was sure to let a little of his exasperation into his light tone.

The professor smiled again and nodded, finally backing down. He watched Shiro for another moment before nodding again and turning away to go check on the other groups.

With the professor gone, Shiro sighed silently and got back to work. He liked his professor, but he wished the man wouldn’t try so hard. Shiro had had an English professor in his first year who was very similar to his current mechanics one, a person who encouraged bonding with classmates and group work. They had tried to put Shiro into groups on multiple occasions and would approach the group upon noticing Shiro being isolated, wanting to get the other students to be more inviting toward him. Somehow that just made Shiro feel worse, as back then he had still been in the process of learning that other people didn’t like that he was different. Watching students turn annoyed glares from the professor to Shiro made his gut clench with embarrassment and his heart freeze in despair. There was something painful about needing an authority figure to make others stick around him for any amount of time, and all the professor’s efforts had done was make Shiro feel worse. The feeling had been hard for him to ever put a label on, which made it difficult to talk about, and that difficulty made him clam up. When Keith would ask if he was alright, Shiro would simply walk away without saying a word. He’d spent his autumn break during his first semester and the winter break between his first and second semesters locked in his room back home almost all day every day, struggling to breath with the heavy exhaustion of the mountains he was still struggling to conquer and the new ones that stretched out ahead of him.

Shiro shook his head and banished his thoughts. His first year in college had been a very dark time in his life, definitely one he didn’t want to look back on for multiple reasons. Even Keith never mentioned it, despite how closed-off Shiro had been to him starting from the day of the man’s discharge from the military all the way until the middle of summer after his first full year of college. Shiro had gotten much better since then, and he had no intention to linger on the old thoughts and memories he’d worked so hard to put behind him.

Setting to work, Shiro pulled all the messy drawers from his toolbox and dumped their contents into the largest drawer, which was more of a bin that pulled out from the bottom of the box. He recognized it as a storage area for large tools, something he might use once in awhile in his class, but wouldn’t need any time soon. The space was empty and likely would remain that way, since the bigger pieces of equipment were usually relatively expensive, which made universities hesitant to place them in the hands of students without an instructor supervising.

Taking a quick inventory of his tools, Shiro thought about the best way to organize them. There wasn’t nearly enough drawers for every single type of tool to have its own space, but he didn’t need that much storage. Similar tools could go in similar drawers, smaller ones like screwdrivers in the tiniest drawers at the top and bigger ones like hammers in the largest drawers near the bottom. He would keep the different kinds of tools separated within the drawers they shared, taking care not to mix his Phillips screwdrivers with the flatheads. He also decided to organize them by size, a common tactic that some toolboxes required when they were made with specific molds in the metal for specific tools. While his toolbox was a simple one containing no specific molds, sorting by size would make it much easier for him to find what he needed while working later in the semester.

As Shiro worked, he drowned out the world around him. His mind was on nothing but the tools in front of him, carefully holding a mental image of how he was organizing his things as he worked so he wouldn’t accident sort the same kind of tool into two different places. The focus made him work quickly and efficiently, but it left him oblivious to the outside world. It wasn’t long before he got a firsthand lesson about a rule his professor had told the class on day one; always pay attention to what your peers are swinging around.

The rowdy group just feet from Shiro was likely the least efficient of all the groups in the class. When Shiro was almost done organizing, they had barely put away three tools. They were too busy swinging the tools around, pretending the wrenches were swords and they were knights. Despite how often the professor yelled at them, they resumed their fooling around almost immediately after every scolding.

One of the boys in the group in particular was doing anything but work. He had his eyes locked on a girl across the room, who smiled at him when he pretended to fling a wrench like a throwing knife. The boy was off in his own world trying to make the girl laugh, and didn’t realize how close he’d gotten to Shiro during his antics until he was pretending to be Thor as he hefted a rather large forked hammer in the air – and struck Shiro right in the head.

Shiro stumbled to the side, his hand flying up as pain exploded in his temple. Across the room the professor looked up when the student he was speaking to froze, and the man’s expression went from the kind one he used when explaining something, to shock, then to anger in mere seconds. He stormed across the room, glaring at the boy who held the hammer. The student was stiff and pale, his eyes wide with fear as they flickered between Shiro and the enraged professor. The professor gave the boy a look that promised hell, then his expression slipped into a more gentle look as he slowly approached Shiro.

“Shirogane? Are you okay?” he asked, moving glacier-slow as he sent a hand on Shiro’s shoulder with a butterfly-light touch. Shiro ripped his shoulder away, his eyes wide and wild. He saw not the professor, but a masked man with a metal pipe, an old memory from years ago. That was only for a moment though, and as the initial shock from the pain in his forehead faded and gave his mind a moment of clarity, he was able to see what was really in front of him.

“Yeah,” Shiro responded after taking a breath to calm his racing heart and assure his panicked mind that he was safe, fighting to keep a straight face despite the deep throb in his temple. He could feel the slick of blood beneath his gloved fingers, and when he pulled his hand away to check the bleeding, a heavy droplet slid right into his eyelashes. Shiro cringed at the sensation, pressing his hand firmly to the wound to stem the bleeding.

“Are you sure?” the professor asked, his eyes asking the question he didn’t voice aloud; Is your mind okay? Shiro’s professors didn’t know much of the backstory, but they knew he suffered from PTSD. They were aware that he might tense up from contact, react badly to certain sounds and smells. Shiro had asked that his professors be notified in advance, so when Shiro walked into class on the first day they would understand. He didn’t do that because he wanted to write them a book about things not to do and not to say. He didn’t want to go into detail, and he didn’t want them to walk on eggshells around him. He just wanted them to know what to do in the case something went wrong. He wanted them to know to talk softly, to only approach him if absolutely necessary, and to approach him extremely slowly with no sudden moves or noises, especially in cases like the one that had just transpired. Had his professor rushed over and grabbed his shoulder to turn him around and inspect the wound, Shiro’s survival instincts would have kicked in and he could have hurt the man. Shiro took measures to avoid such accidents, typically keeping himself well-grounded and trying not to slip too far into his thoughts in potentially dangerous situations, because while he was working to put his past behind him, there were some things that simply didn’t go away. If he couldn’t fully restrain himself from lashing out defensively should something happen, he would at least try to avoid falling into those situations as much as possible.

“Yes, sir,” Shiro assured, taking a deep breath to steady himself. The hammer hadn’t hit him hard enough to cause any real damage, but it had sliced him pretty good and would leave an impressive bruise for at least a few days.

The professor called for everyone else to get back to work, bar the kids who had been fooling around next to Shiro, who were sent to the hallway to be dealt with soon. Aware that his student was feeling okay, the professor stepped a bit closer, and used the hand he had on Shiro’s shoulder to gently turn the younger man as he quickly inspected the wound on Shiro’s head. After a moment, he withdrew his hand and stepped back to give Shiro some space.

“Why don’t you head out early? I’ll put your box away for you,” the professor offered, and while Shiro wouldn’t have minded staying, he was still feeling a bit jittery. It would be hard to focus if he stayed, and he wouldn’t get much done. Staying would also mean enduring more stares and more whispers than usual, and he was feeling too stressed to put up with it. He hadn’t quite had an episode, but he had gotten close. Knowing he needed some time alone to calm himself, Shiro nodded.

“Thank you, sir.”

The professor gave Shiro a smile, clasping his hands in front of himself to keep himself from giving Shiro a supportive pat on the shoulder, a common habit of his. Shiro was thankful for the man’s thoughtfulness. With a clean rag the professor gave him as he packed up his bag, Shiro exited the classroom. He pressed the rag to his head to soak up the blood until he reached his dorm and was able to get a bandage, something the professor didn’t have on hand.

As he walked down the sidewalk, Shiro was thankful for the dim evening light that made him less visible to the world. The sidewalks were all empty, most students either in class or in their dorms, so Shiro was able to take a breath. The cool air filled his lungs and made his muscles relax, the adrenaline from earlier draining from his body and leaving him feeling exhausted. He was almost tripping on his own feet by the time he reached his dorm and stuck the key in the lock, allowing himself to stumble inside. He dropped his bag on the floor and made his way to the bathroom, where he dug out some antiseptic and bandages for his head. After cleaning the wound he inspected it, wiping away the beads of blood that seeped out. A bruise was already beginning to form, the spot purple and beginning to swell. He didn’t have any ice, so after putting on a bandage, he put a hand towel under the faucet and let the cool water run on it, then pressed it against his head as he went to his bedroom.

Laying down gently to not disturb his head, Shiro checked his phone and saw a message from Keith. He opened it and smiled when he found a picture of Keith’s friends, Lance and Hunk, waving at the camera.

Keith: Lance and Hunk say hello

Shiro: Tell them I said hello back :)

Exiting the conversation, Shiro found himself in his contacts, thumb hovering over the newest one; Matt. For some reason he had the urge to see him again, to talk to him and complain about that stupid kid with the hammer, the other idiots in his class, and various other insignificant things that usually didn’t come up in his conversations. It took him a moment to realize that those were the things he used to talk about all the time in high school; the random little things, the shitty classmates, the minor inconveniences. Those were the things he used to mindlessly talk to his friends about, and after years of not having anyone to vent to, he had forgotten.

Hesitantly, Shiro opened a conversation with Matt, contemplating what to say. He was feeling tired and didn’t think he’d be awake much longer, so he couldn’t exactly start a full-blown conversation. He also hadn’t talked to Matt in a week, so he didn’t feel it would be appropriate to start rambling about his day. However, he did want to talk to Matt at least a little.

Shiro pondered the thought a bit more, then internally slapped himself. ‘Keep it simple, stupid,” he thought, then typed out a message.

                Shiro: Hey Matt, it’s Shiro. Do you want to have lunch together tomorrow?

Shiro stared at the screen, holding his breath. He stayed that way until his lungs grew tight and he had to exhale. He sighed to himself and shook his head slightly. “It’s not like he’s been waiting for your text all week. He’s probably not going to see it for a while,” Shiro thought. He felt a bit dumb, and was starting to regret sending the text, but there was no taking it back. Once a message was sent, it couldn’t be deleted, which made Shiro decide that -even if life couldn’t have them- at least phones should have an undo button.

In an attempt to distract himself, Shiro returned to the bathroom to take a shower and brush his teeth. When he finished he walked out in fresh clothes, the dirty ones from the day waiting in the laundry basket to be cleaned. His gloves sat on top of the pile, serving as a reminder for him to actually go to the laundromat before he was out of clean clothes, or more importantly, clean gloves.

Wiping a smudge of toothpaste foam off his lip, Shiro went back to his room and picked up his phone to plug it in. He stopped when the notification light flashed, and when he hit the power button he came face to face with a new message.

                Matt: Sure. How about at 1?

Shiro hadn’t been expecting a reply that night, and the small surprise blossomed a flower of warmth in his chest.

                Shiro: Sure. See you there

Shiro hurried to put his phone down and let it charge, noticing he was down to 4%. As he laid in bed and drifted off to sleep, there was a small smile on his face. His weariness dragged him into unconsciousness quickly, and he missed the weak notification light that lit up his room with an incoming text.

                Matt: I look forward to it :)

Chapter Text

Shiro woke in the morning with a pulsing headache. He couldn’t help the groan that slipped from his lips as he flopped from his back to his stomach, burying his face in his pillow to escape the blinding rays of sunlight from the window that seemed to shine directly into his brain.

‘Today I’m definitely not getting up,' Shiro thought, attempting to burrow his head deeper into the pillow as his headache intensified. It was a Saturday, meaning no classes, so it wasn’t like he had to get up. He could just lay there, not move, and hope his headache would go away. However, laying facedown was doing him no favors, but he couldn’t lay any other way without facing the sunlight. That would have to go away too.

A sudden weight hit Shiro’s back, and he jerked his head up in surprise. His heart stuttered until his eyes landed on Eurus, who sat on the small of his back with an annoyed look on her face. She stared at him as he took a deep breath to calm his racing heart, then she walked up to his shoulder, jumped onto his nightstand, and batted his phone with her paw.

“Eurus, no,” Shiro scolded, though there wasn’t any anger in his tone. He was exhausted and in pain, and it left him without the will to properly tell-off his cat.

Before Eurus could knock his phone off the nightstand, Shiro snatched it up. He noticed the blinking notification light and frowned, then hit the home button to see what it was. His eyes widened a fraction when he saw the message from Matt that had been sent and remembered the conversation from the night before. Shiro looked over at Eurus and immediately realized what she’d been trying to tell him.

“Good girl, Eurus,” he told her. If cats could look smug, she definitely would at the moment.

Shaking his head, Shiro glanced at the corner of his phone screen for the time, and froze when it read 12:20pm. He was supposed to meet with Matt at the cafeteria in forty minutes, and factoring in the ten minutes it would take him to get to the cafeteria if he walked fast, he had only half an hour to do some daily chores and his morning routine.

“SHIT!”

Shiro threw off his blankets and jumped to his feet, only to stumble across the room into the wall as a bolt of pain and a wave of dizziness struck him. He hissed and gingerly patted at his temple, narrowing his eyes as he felt at the bump left behind from the events of the previous day. There wasn’t much he could do about it except take some painkillers and hope for the best.

When the dizziness subsided, Shiro closed the short distance between him and his dresser, where he pulled fresh clothes from one of the drawers as well as a clean pair of gloves. He then stepped over to his small closet and pulled a silvery long-sleeve shirt off its hanger before rushing to the bathroom.

Shiro washed up in record time, not that is usually took him very long to shower on a normal day, and ran a comb through his tuft of white hair while simultaneously brushing his teeth. Once that was done he picked up the bottle of antiseptic and box of bandages he’d left out the night before and peeled the old bandage off his face. The spot underneath was an ugly splotch of green against his tan skin with a dot of purple around the shallow cut made by the fork of the hammer. It had scabbed overnight and was no longer bleeding, but Shiro didn’t want to risk going without a bandage, so he dabbed at it with antiseptic and gently stuck another medium-sized square bandage over it.

Once he was done in the bathroom, Shiro returned to his room to check the time on his phone; it was 12:40pm. He had no clue why time was passing so quickly during his scramble, but he didn’t have the minutes to spare in order to think about it.

Moving as quickly as he could without actually running, Shiro went to the adjacent room that held his workout equipment and Eurus’ things. He picked up the water dish, jogged to the kitchen, cleaned and refilled the bowl in the sink, then ran it back. He then opened up the plastic bin that held Eurus’s food and scooped out a cup full to dump in her dish. It took a few tries for him to fill the cup, as the bin was almost empty, and he made a mental note to pick up some more cat food soon.

When Eurus’s food and water bowls were both full, Shiro moved on to her litter box. It would be faster to dump the whole thing and refill it, but a glance into the second plastic bin in the room -which held the cat litter- told Shiro he would need to buy more of that, too. There wasn’t enough left to properly fill the litter box, so Shiro settled on spot cleaning it and making another mental note to also get some cat litter while he was out.

Eurus purred happily as Shiro set her litter box back on the ground and immediately set to scratching around in it. Typically Shiro would stop and laugh, but he was close to running late and did nothing more than shake his head with amusement while returning to his bedroom.

Upon returning to his room, Shiro snatched up his phone and glanced at the weather app to check the temperature. A heatwave had been going through, but it was almost the third week of September, so the weather was beginning to cool. The temperature at the moment was a solid 65°F, cool enough that Shiro wouldn’t have to worry about overheating, but too warm still for a jacket. With that in mind, he dashed around his dorm in search of his ID, which he stuffed in his pockets with his keys. He checked the time again and saw that it was 12:49pm, leaving him with a minute to take a quick lap around his dorm to make sure everything that needed to be done before he left was taken care of. Once finished, he grabbed his wallet from the counter next to the door, slipped on his shoes, and left.

-000-

Shiro made it just in time. While he knew it wouldn’t be too bad if he was a few minutes late, as he could have simply informed Matt that he had woken up late, he was afraid to. He didn’t want Matt to think he didn’t care, or that he didn’t really want to be out. He didn’t want Matt to think he wasn’t looking forward to hanging out with him. He wanted Matt to know his company was appreciated, even if that meant jogging down the sidewalk and weaving through groups of people in order to reach the cafeteria on time.

Upon his arrival at the cafeteria, Shiro was glad to find that he wasn’t even breathing hard. Despite that, his heart was pounding, though he was well aware that it wasn’t due to the running. Taking a breath to calm his anxiety, Shiro ran his fingers through his tuft of white hair to make sure it wasn’t tangled then looked around for a familiar face. It took a few moments to locate Matt, as students who had just woken up from a late Friday night were all crowding toward the cafeteria for food. The sheer number of people made Shiro’s pulse even faster, and he had to keep sidestepping to avoid people bumping into him as he searched for Matt. The boy was relatively small, making him difficult to see in the sea of people, but Shiro did eventually notice him standing half inside the shrubs next to the cafeteria doors as he attempted to move away from the crowd of people entering the building.

Shiro quickly made his way into the crowd, cringing when his right arm bumped a girl’s shoulder, but she didn’t even notice. He tried to avoid contact with other people, but it was difficult as the incoming flow of people funneled in toward the set of two doors leading to the cafeteria.

As he got closer to the entrance, Shiro tried to think of how to get Matt’s attention. The boy wasn’t looking in his direction, and likely wouldn’t hear him over the chatter of the other students.

Unsure of what else to do, Shiro waited until he was close enough to reach out and touch Matt to try to contact him. Shiro stretched out his left arm and tapped Matt’s shoulder as the flow of students herded him through the doors. Matt and Shiro made eye contact for just a moment, then it was broken when Shiro passed through the doorway. Shiro looked back for another second before turning to face forward as he cleared the second set of doors.

The room opened up immediately at the doorway, and the tight crowd of students dispersed enough that Shiro finally had some breathing room. He was able to step out of the flow and stand off to the side to wait for Matt. Shiro watched the incoming students until he saw Matt, then followed the tech student further into the room until the students broke up enough that Shiro could easily weave past through group to reach him.

“Hey,” Shiro greeted, raising his voice a little so Matt would be able to hear him. Matt jumped a little, startled by Shiro’s sudden appearance, as he had been looking the other way.

“Oh! Hi,” Matt returned, his lips turning up in an infectious smile.

Shiro felt his own lips curl pleasantly at the sight, and he nodded toward the line up ahead of them. Matt caught the memo and walked with Shiro up to the lines in the back of the room for food.

The wait wasn’t long, but it was a bit awkward. It was a too loud for them to talk, so they just silently moved through the line together, picking out whatever food looked good and making their way to the registers. They got into the same line and waited as the students ahead of them swiped cards and handed over cash to pay for their meals. Upon reaching the front of the line, Shiro swiped his ID card and got a nod from the man at the register, then he stepped back as Matt swiped his own ID before stepping away from the register as well. Shiro raised an eyebrow as Matt approached, and the tech student nodded toward an empty booth along the back wall.

The two quickly made their way to the booth before it could be taken and claimed it for themselves. They set their trays down and slid into the seats, then Shiro fixed Matt with a curious look.

“You don’t have to pay for lunch either?” he asked, a bit interested. It was a rarity for students at their university to get free meals, as those deals were typically only given to students who required loads of financial aid and loans in order to go to school, leaving them without the money needed for food. It wasn’t that Shiro thought Matt was some guy from a wealthy family or anything of that sort, as he didn’t know very much about Matt himself let alone Matt’s family, but he was curious as to what the circumstances were.

“Yeah. Staff members don’t have to pay for meals, and as an employee of the IT Center, I count as a staff member,” Matt explained, picking up his fork for twirl it around in the pile of spaghetti he had picked up from the lunch line. “Though only the basics are covered. If I get anything extra like a flavored water or something, then I have to pay for that,” he explained, then his expression shifted to curiosity. “What about you?”

Shiro went quiet, feeling a bit uncomfortable. He didn’t like explaining his situation to people, and while he did feel far more comfortable around Matt than any other person he had met at the university thus far, he was unsure about telling the boy his life story and potentially scaring him off. There was also the possible event in which Matt would pity him, and that was almost worse than people who found him creepy, or weird, or something of that sort. However, Matt had answered Shiro’s question, so he felt he shouldn’t leave the boy hanging.

“Just some difficult financial circumstances,” Shiro answered vaguely, not wanting to go in depth.

Matt seemed to pick up on Shiro’s discomfort, because he quickly changed the topic.

“Do you have any pets?” he asked, his curiosity genuine. Shiro nodded.

“Yeah, actually. I have a cat,” he replied. Matt’s eyes widened.

“Oooo. I have dog. Her name is Bae Bae,” the boy said, his voice tinged with excitement. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, which he quickly unlocked before pulling up his camera roll. Shiro watched Matt scroll through what looked like hundreds of pictures before he chose one and pulled it up. Matt then turned the screen to face Shiro so the aviation student could see the picture. A medium-sized tan dog had its tongue hanging out of its mouth, looking at the camera with bright eyes. Its tale was a blur in the background, likely due to it wagging.

Shiro smiled at the picture of the dog, though his expression changed to curiosity as his eyes landed on the person who was crouched next to it. It was a kid, one who looked to be no older than fourteen or fifteen, who had features extremely similar to Matt’s. Their hairstyles were the same, their eyes the same large, bright orbs of brown, though the shades differed. Like Matt, the kid appeared to be very thin and short.

Matt noticed Shiro staring and turned the screen back to face himself. His eyes landed on the kid in the picture and he smiled.

“That’s my younger sister, Pidge. Well, actually her name is Katie, but I call her Pidge. She used to claim to hate it, but since I started going to college she’s been pretty insistent that I call her that,” Matt explained with a grin on his face. “We don’t see each other much most days. She must miss me,” he joked with a light tone, though his grin disappeared and was replaced by a small smile as the light in his eyes faded into something sad. It was clear that Matt’s sister wasn’t the only one who missed their sibling.

“She’s adorable,” Shiro complimented, the girl’s childish smile reminding him of the way Keith used to smile years ago, back before they hit rock bottom and lost everything.

“I know, right!?” Matt responded excitedly, making Shiro chuckle.
The light had returned to Matt’s eyes, and it made something in Shiro’s chest tingle. Unsure of what it was, he ignored it.

“So, do you have any pictures of your cat?” Matt asked after taking one last look at the picture on his screen before putting his phone away. He still had a small grin on his face that Shiro found he couldn’t have said no to even if he didn’t have any pictures. He didn’t exactly have many, but he knew he had a few.

“Yeah. Most of them aren’t very recent, though,” he said, pulling his phone from his pocket. He hesitated on the lock screen, taking a moment to remember his password before typing it in. He hadn’t yet gotten used to the password, and sometimes had to take a minute to think about it before he could remember what it was.

Shiro opened up his camera roll and was met with about thirty pictures. Half of them were screenshots of planes from movies he’d watched in the past, and another good handful were the semi-blurry pictures of Keith he always tried to take. The remaining five were pictures with Eurus in them, though two were blurry and two more were from shortly after he first found her. Only one was a good picture of her, and that one just happened to be the exact picture that was his lock screen.

“This is the most recent one I have. It’s from over the summer break,” Shiro said, holding his phone out for Matt to take. The boy accepted it and tilted it toward himself so he could see the image better. “That’s Eurus and my brother, Keith, who has no idea I have this picture and would delete it if he did,” Shiro explain with a little bit of a chuckle and a tone full of fondness. It wouldn’t strike him until later how easily the words came out, words he typically never spoke to anyone. He wasn’t a fan of talking about family despite how much he cared about Keith, though he knew that how much he cared was part of the reason why.

Matt looked at the picture and smiled, both at Eurus and Keith. “Cute,” he said, though it was hard to tell if he was talking about the picture, Eurus, or Keith. He didn’t elaborate, and Shiro decided not to ask. “Your brother isn’t much of a picture person?” Matt asked, handing the phone back. Shiro looked at the picture again before hitting the power button.

“Nah. He’s pretty camera shy,” he admitted, getting an amused smile from Matt.

The two continued talking about random things, from what they were doing in their classes to how slow the student internet had been a few days ago. The conversation didn’t have much of a point, not meant to let them get to know each other better or anything of that sort. It wasn’t awkward or personal, rather it was something to fill the air between them and let them keep talking. They were able to complain to each other about the stupidest things and laugh at each other’s small instances of misfortune, such as one of Matt’s stories in which he had dropped his screwdriver while working and fell out of his chair while reaching for it.

The whole time, neither of them got uncomfortable. Neither of them wanted to go anywhere, or talk about anything else. They were content, more than content, actually. They were happy, a feeling quite foreign to Shiro. It was nice, very nice, and as they talked he wished it would never end. Only it had to, because eventually they finished their food and started getting annoyed looks from students standing around, waiting for tables to open up. Eventually they had to get up, dump their trays, and leave. Eventually the conversation had to end.

Shiro and Matt exited the cafeteria building, then walked slowly down the sidewalk together. It was harder to talk outside than it had been in the cafeteria, as some clouds had rolled in and the wind had picked up in the last hour and proceeded to carry their words away. After a few minutes of repeating themselves over and over again, they settled into silence. Their attempts at words were replaced with quick sideways glances and gazes that flicked away from each other when they met, and the two reveled in the comfortable atmosphere that settled over them as they continued step-by-step with no exact destination in mind.

At one point during the walk, a strong gust of wind whipped Shiro’s white tuft of fringe back, revealing the plain tan bandage stuck to his forehead, the faintest parts of the bruise beneath seeping out around the edges. At that exact moment Matt glanced up at Shiro, and his eyes locked on to the spot, causing Shiro to tense. For a moment he thought Matt would stop and ask about it the same way people always did when someone they knew got a rather nasty-looking injury, and Shiro prepared to shrug the question off, but it never came. Instead, Matt’s gaze dropped down to Shiro’s eyes, where he must have been able to see Shiro’s sudden discomfort, because the boy’s lips pulled up into the slightest smile and didn’t speak a word. The tension left Shiro’s shoulders in an instant, and he returned Matt’s smile and shifted his gaze to the pavement below his feet.

Eventually the pair found themselves slowing to a stop in front of the building that held the IT Center, and they turned to face each other as the wind suddenly calmed, leaving them in silence.

“Thanks for meeting up today,” Matt said, looking up to Shiro with a smile.

Shiro nodded. “You too.”

The pair was silent for a moment, their gazes shifting around as they pondered whether to leave it at that or talk a little more. It was almost a minute before Matt broke the silence.

“Soooo,” he began, his eyes on the ground as he subconsciously tapped his fingers on his legs somewhat nervously, “do you want to meet up again tomorrow?” he offered, looking up from the ground but not meeting Shiro’s eyes.

The older of the two stiffened slightly, his eyes widening a millimeter as he processed the offer. “Oh, uh, yeah, sure. Same time?” Shiro asked, his own gaze dropping to the pavement as he began to pick at his gloves.

“Sure,” Matt agreed, risking a glance up at Shiro and immediately dropping his gaze when their eyes met.

The two stood in silence for a few more moments, their eyes flicking up and down a bit awkwardly until Matt took a hesitant step back and gave Shiro a small smile before turning and scurrying into the building. Shiro watched him go with a ghost of a smile on his face until Matt disappeared from sight, then he began the trek back to his dorm.

Chapter Text

Over the course of the next week, Matt and Shiro met up for lunch every day. They both would reach the building just before 1pm, then enter and go through the line together before finding an open table and talking.

Oftentimes the conversations were dominated by Matt, who would ask a few questions and ramble on about anything and everything. He’d ask Shiro what his favorite movie was, or his favorite book, and if he hadn’t heard of them he’d listen to Shiro give a summary then launch into an explanation of his own favorites. When common topics came up, like Lord of the Rings, or Harry Potter, the two would have tiny arguments over the smallest details that left one of them pouting and the other smiling victoriously.

When Matt prompted Shiro to talk about some of the things he liked, the boy would lean forward in his seat and listen attentively with curious eyes and questions at the ready. He’d grill Shiro about what he was doing in his mechanics class and ask about the tools they used and the objects they worked on. He’d then offer up advice for what Shiro could do in order to be more efficient and do better on projects, or list problems that certain issues signified so Shiro would be better at recognizing them.

When Matt talked, Shiro would lean his elbow on the table and rest his cheek in his hand as he listened and watched Matt gesture wildly, talking with his entire body. Even when Matt’s words sounded like a foreign language, Shiro would listen and smile, asking a few questions when he understood some of what he was hearing and hoping Matt either didn’t notice his confusion or wasn’t bothered by it when Shiro was totally lost.

Despite how much the two talked, they never seemed to run out of thinks to talk about. Their discussions about movies and books sometimes lasted for multiple days, and Matt’s stories from the IT Center were endless. When the two started discussing their majors, Matt majoring in Computer Science and minoring in Engineering, and Shiro majoring in Aviation and minoring in Mechanics, the discussion topics grew even broader. Shiro would ask about all the stuff Matt needed to learn and what kind of tech he liked working with most, while Matt would ask Shiro what he liked about flying and what technical things needed to be taken into consideration, like weather and plane type.

The Sunday after their first planned lunch meet-up, Shiro and Matt went to lunch together at 1pm just as they had for the past week. They got their food, sat at a table, then Shiro dug in as Matt picked at his sandwich and talked excitedly about the iPhone X that had recently been brought to the IT Center.

“It's so thin and sleek, and the screen on the back is amazing! It’s literally like a single piece of glass and nothing else, kind of like what Tony Stark has in all the Marvel movies. The camera is perfect, too. I mean, we’re not supposed to mess around with stuff we don’t have to mess around with in order to fix the phone, especially not personal information, but we just opened the camera up for a couple minutes to look at the quality. It’s literally like looking around with glasses on when you have perfect vision, but like, the glasses make it easier to see, not harder. And the color is so clear! I swear, everyone needs that phone, except it costs like one-thousand dollars or something and is so fragile. The person who brought their phone in said their friend dropped their iPhone X the day after they bought it, but they only dropped it like 3 inches onto their bed of all things and the screen just shattered. I guess not long after they left it on the floor and their older brother stepped on it with these really big work boots and completely destroyed it. The person was asking if rice would fix that destruction, too, and not just drowned phones. I swear, Cyprus and I almost cried from holding back laughter and Professor Rift just dropped his head into his hands and left,” Matt rambled, flinging his arms around and doing poor imitations of the student who brought the phone in and asked their hilarious questions.

Shiro zoned out a little bit as he listened to Matt talk, his brain focusing on the way the boy’s eyes shone brightly with excitement and his mouth was stuck in a permanent grin. All he could see was the very embodiment of joy and innocence in front of him, and it was so unbelievably refreshing that he might as well have been breathing in the freshest air in the history of the planet. He could have sat there and listened to Matt talk with a grin on his face for the rest of their lives.

Unfortunately, Matt noticed Shiro’s slightly far-away look and misinterpreted it as boredom.

“Oh, am I talking too much? I do it pretty often, but usually someone tells me to stop pretty early on because I don’t notice-“ he began, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly as his gaze fell to the table, a slight sadness settling in his eyes until he was cut off by Shiro.

“No, no you’re not, really. I like listening to you talk about the things you like. You’re really expressive and can’t seem to stop smiling. It’s a nice break from all the shitty attitudes a lot of people here typically have. Seriously, Matt, don’t worry about it,” the man assured, pulling his face away from his hand to shake his head vigorously. He gave Matt a small smile, which the boy returned before launching back into his excited rambling with only a little hesitation.

Shiro settled his cheek back into his palm, keeping the gentle smile on his face even as his brain swirled with rage. ‘I am going to murder whoever told this incredible genius to shut up,’ he thought, the hand that dangled lazily off the edge of his side of the table clenching into a fist.

Matt talked a bit more, then ate his food and listened to Shiro talk about his latest flight aviation class, where someone flying with Con had panicked mid-flight and nearly flown into a field three miles away.

Once both their trays were empty, the pair dropped them onto the stacks on top of the garbage bins and left. When they emerged from the cafeteria, they moved off to the side so they weren’t blocking the door and stopped to face each other.

“So, where are you going?” Shiro asked. Matt shrugged.

“Typically I’d go to the IT Center, but Cyprus is there right now to work on stuff and keep me out. Since I’ve spent most of my weekends so far this semester working on stuff, Professor Rift wants me to ‘take a break’ and ‘be social’ or something,” he explained, raising his hands to do air quotes and drawing a chuckle from Shiro. “What about you?” he asked.

Shiro paused. He had found half a bag of cat litter in the trunk of his car, along with a gallon bucket of Eurus’ food, so he hadn’t gone to the store last Saturday as he had originally planned. However, what he had found was running low, and he would need to get more very soon. “I actually have to go to the store down the road, the uh…Kroler?” he wondered aloud, unable to remember the name of the store.

“Hmm… Kloner? Something like that, maybe,” Matt agreed, his brow furrowing as he tried to think.

The two stood in silence for a moment, internally debating. Shiro was the first to give up, letting out a low sigh. He then looked back at Matt, who was still thinking, and stiffened as an idea came to mind.

“If you don’t have anything to do for a while, do you want to, uh, come with me?” the aviation student asked a little hesitantly, hoping the warmth that had rushed to his cheeks wasn’t visible. Matt looked up at him in surprise, his eyes widening a fraction. Shiro worried that maybe he was going a little too far, pushing the slowly-expanding boundaries around his and Matt’s friendship. They had just eaten and talked together for over an hour, and Shiro would understand if Matt was ready to end their time together for the day.

“Oh, uh…yeah, sure,” Matt said after a moment, looking to the ground and causing Shiro to miss the faint color that flushed his cheeks. The air had gotten heavy and awkward, and Shiro almost wanted to rewind time and shove his offer back down his throat. However, as his brain processed Matt’s words, his own eyes widened.

“Uh, okay. Um, my car is over by my dorm,” he said before slowly stepping in the direction they needed to go. Matt followed, keeping his head down. An awkward silence then settled over them, and Shiro, with his extremely rusty and clunky social skills, had no clue how to end it.

The silence continued until they reached the car, where Shiro quietly mumbled that Matt should sit up front in the passenger seat because the car was relatively small and there wasn’t much leg room in the back.

The two got into the car and buckled in, then Shiro turned the key in the ignition and swiveled his head to watch for cars as he slowly backed out of the parking space. He crept the short distance from the parking space to the side road that his dorm was located on, then headed for the main campus road. Once he got there, he found himself at a yellow light and slowed to a stop.

Shiro stole a glance at Matt, who was looking at his hands in his lap. Neither of them had really spoken since they’d left the cafeteria, and Shiro was regretting his offer despite the fact that Matt had accepted. They had gone from a comfortable conversation to something tense and awkward, and he couldn’t think of any way to lighten the mood.

Luckily for them both, neither of them had to do anything. When Shiro glanced back up at the road after looking at Matt, he froze, and Matt saw him stiffen and followed his gaze only to have the same reaction. Four people were going across the crosswalk, all of them dressed in strange costumes. One wore one of the popular inflatable dinosaur suits, and upon closer inspection, the two students in the car noticed the person was on roller blades. A second person wore a banana suit, and was skateboarding behind the dinosaur. Next to the banana was someone in a hot dog suit riding a scooter. Behind the three of them was a final person on a unicycle dressed as some sort of fruit neither Matt nor Shiro could discern.

Matt and Shiro watched in stunned silence as the four crossed the street and continued on their way just before the traffic light turned green. Shiro numbly turned the car in the direction of the store, then glanced at Matt.

“So, college, amirite?” he asked. Just a moment later they both burst into a fit of laughter that didn’t completely settle down until five minutes later when they pulled into the parking lot of their destination. As Shiro scanned for a place to park, Matt’s eyes went to the building.

“Oh, we were wrong. It’s Kronners,” Matt said, looking up at the enormous block letters on the front of the store. He and Shiro shared a look as Shiro glanced at the store then pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. After a moment of gazing at each other’s expressionless faces, they started laughing all over again.

Chapter Text

As Shiro and Matt entered Kronners, they both stopped to look around at the vast array of departments and endless shelves.

“I get that this is a supermarket, but I fail to see why it needs to be so big,” Shiro mumbled, shaking his head as he began to walk again. All he needed was food and litter for Eurus, but it always took him ages to get it because the pet items were in one of the back corners of the store, far from the entrance.

Matt followed Shiro without a word, glancing down the isles as they passed them. The pair then fell into silence again, and while it wasn’t nearly as awkward as the previous one, it wasn’t quite comfortable either.

“Soooo, what are you getting?” Matt asked, sticking his hands in his pockets when he couldn’t decide between crossing his arms or keeping them at his sides.

“Just some litter and food for Eurus,” Shiro said, nodding toward his destination. “It’s all the way in the back of the store, though,” he added. Matt nodded.

“Yeah. Sometimes I come here with my parents when they get groceries, and it’s always a pain getting stuff for Bae Bae. It’s hard to steer the cart all the way to the registers when it’s weighed down with a ton of groceries and a 50lb bag of dog food,” the tech student complained with a sigh.

Suddenly, Matt stopped, confusion taking over his features.

“Don’t you need a cart?” he asked. Shiro shook his head.

“Like you said, the carts are a pain to steer when they’re heavy. I usually just carry the bags,” he explained, getting a nod of understanding from Matt.

“I guess that works,” the tech student supplied after a moment of contemplation. Shiro only had one small cat, so Matt’s mind had gone to the small bags of pet food and litter, not the enormous 50lb bags of food his family always got for their dog. That left him in confusion when Shiro bypassed all the small bags and went straight for the big ones.

“Uhhhh, which one was it…” Shiro mumbled to himself, looking over the bags of cat food on the shelf. His eyes scanned over the brand names and pictures printed on the front of the bags until he found the one that looked familiar. Without a word or a hint of struggle, Shiro hefted the bag onto his right shoulder, then crossed the isle to the cat litter and picked up a second huge bag, which he tucked under his left arm against his side. When he turned to look at Matt, he was met with wide eyes and lips parted in surprise.

“Oh,” was all Matt said, the word slipping from his mouth as he gazed at the man in front of him with a mixed look of surprise, confusion, and slight disbelief. Shiro simply tilted his head as he mirrored Matt’s confusion, taking a moment to realize that most people didn’t casually carry 100lbs of pet food and litter around a store. The aviation student shrugged awkwardly.

“It’s not that heavy to me,” he pointed out, glancing at his arms to make his point. It was as if Matt was noticing for the first time that Shiro was quite a large man with large muscles, someone who could easily handle a few bags of pet supplies.

After a moment, Matt’s face broke out into a smile. “You’re like my sister. Well, no, not really. She’s tiny, but she’s freakishly strong. Like the Hulk. Just, y’know, smaller,” the boy explained, stumbling a bit on his words. His eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure out the best way to get his point across. “Not like She-Hulk, because my sister is seriously the tiniest teenager I’ve ever seen, but like, yeah. Kind of like if Bruce Banner has the Hulk’s strength without actually turning into the Hulk” he rambled, looking up to see if Shiro understood what he meant. Matt was met with an eyebrow raised in amusement, and he chuckled lightly. Just like that, the awkwardness was gone again.

“Sounds like she’s quite a character,” Shiro guessed with a smile as he began walking to the registers at the front of the store. Matt grinned.

“You have no idea. She’s terrifying. Some classmates of hers were being asses last year, so she hacked into their phones and played themes from different kids shows on them during class,” Matt explained, shaking his head. “I wasn’t there to hear it, but I got to read about it in a newsletter sent to all the students from the school asking that they ‘refrain from watching videos in class, especially with the volume on, so they wouldn’t distract other students with Dora the Explorer, Spongebob Squarepants, Caillou, and Sesame Street.”

By the time he finished, Matt was barely suppressing laughter.

“I mean, neither of us care what other people watch. Like, if some fourteen year-old wants to watch Dora or Spongebob, sure, whatever. Pidge would never do it to make them get judged by others. Everyone in her class knew it was her and wouldn’t actually think those kids were watching what they consider ‘dumb kid shows’. That was just her way of showing them that she won’t let them walk over her, and it worked. They haven’t bothered her since,” he added, taking a breath to calm himself, though his grin remained.

“Remind me to never get on her bad side,” Shiro joked, a smile on his face. Matt nodded, still smiling.

“That’s pretty hard to do, actually. I’m sure you’ll be fine,” the tech student assured, though there was something off about his tone. Shiro couldn’t quite place it, but he didn’t feel he should pry, so he kept his mouth shut.

“I can’t say the same thing about Keith,” Shiro commented, an older memory of his brother coming to mind. “When he was in elementary school some kid took his favorite pencil, and in retaliation he brought a screwdriver to school the next day and took all the screws out of the kid’s desk during recess. When the class came back from inside and the kid sat down, his desk crumbled to pieces. He didn’t get hurt, but the class got a good laugh at him.”

“Ouch. Did your brother get caught?” Matt asked. Shiro shook his head.

“The kid knew Keith did it and told the teacher, but Keith hid the screwdriver in his shoe, so the teacher didn’t find it when she searched his desk and bag. I found it when he got home, though. I was going to make him own up to it, but I found out that the school was thinking of expelling the kid who did it for vandalism. I kept quiet, but made Keith swear not to pull something like that again,” he explained.

“Did it work?”

“He hasn’t disassembled any desks since then, but he still gets back at anyone who wrongs him. He’s a bit of a hothead,” Shiro said, thinking about the previous year when he pressured Keith into admitting that he’d cut the straps on some other guy’s backpack for calling Keith’s friend Hunk fat.

Matt nodded.

“Pidge doesn’t typically get physical like that because it’s easier to get caught. It’s easier for her to erase her footprints after hacking than to hide a pair of scissors or a screwdriver, especially now that schools have security cameras and can catch a person in the act,” the tech student pointed out.

“Yeah. Keith got busted by a hallway camera once for stealing some girl’s phone and throwing it in the trash while she was in the bathroom. It was an incident with few consequences, though. He only got written up,” Shiro recalled.

“I guess we both have some interesting siblings,” Matt decided when he and Shiro finally reached the front of the store. They stepped into the shortest line they could find, then waited for those ahead of them to go through their transactions.

“I can’t disagree with that,” Shiro said.

A few minutes later the pair shuffled forward when the customer directly ahead of them finished paying for their things. Shiro set down the bag that was under his left arm first, making sure the barcode was on the cashier’s side, then he set down the second bag on top of it. The cashier scanned both bags, then read off the total. Shiro pulled out his wallet, handed over a few bills, took his change, put his wallet back, then hurried to pick up the bags again. Once he had one settled back on his shoulder and the other back under his arm, he scurried forward a few steps to move out of the way for the next person. Matt followed a step behind him, eyes on the ceiling, lost in thought.

As Matt and Shiro exited the store and headed to Shiro’s car, Shiro started shifting the bag in his left arm up a little more to pin it between his side and bicep so he could grab the handle on his car to open the door to the backseat. He was saved when Matt jogged ahead and pulled open the door for him. For a moment, Shiro worried the silence between them might have Matt uncomfortable and caused him to retreat to the backseat to put more distance between them. However, Matt didn’t get into the car. Instead he held the door open and looked at the bags in Shiro’s arm, causing Shiro to nearly sigh in relief. ‘He’s just opening the door for me because my hands are full. Way to overreact, Shiro,” the man thought to himself. He gave Matt a thankful smile and dropped one bag into the backseat, then the other, then stepped back out of the way as Matt pushed the door shut. Shiro circled around to the driver’s side while Matt pulled open the passenger door and dropped into the seat. The two buckled their seatbelts and the car rumbled to life.

The ride back to the university was silent, the laughter they had shared on the way there only a memory. The two had fallen into yet another lapse in conversation, unsure of what to talk about. To avoid eye contact, Shiro kept his eyes glued to the road, and Matt stared out the window. They both stayed that way until Shiro pulled into the parking lot at his dorm and killed the engine, leaving him without an excuse to look anywhere but at Matt. The tech student was in a similar situation, no longer able to pretend the scene outside his window was interesting. Hesitantly, the two looked in each other’s directions, putting on small smiles for one another.

The quiet didn’t last much longer though, interrupted when Taylor Swift’s ‘Blank Space’ blared from Matt’s pocket. Shiro startled and whipped his head down to look at Matt’s side as the tech student turned redder than the fire engine-colored truck parked a few spaces to the left of them. The boy dug around in his pocket until his fingers found his phone, and as he pulled it out he frantically tapped the ‘accept call’ button in an attempt to shut off his ringtone.

“Hello? Oh, hey dad.”

Shiro tensed, feeling like he was intruding. Not wanting to open his door and make a lot of noise, he pulled his own phone from his pocket and pulled up Keith’s contact.

“Nothing really. I just went to Kronners with a friend.”

Shiro suppressed a smile at being called ‘a friend,’ a phrase that hadn’t been used to describe him in years, as he started typing up a message.

“No, we just got back.”

Shiro tried to focus on his message, pushing his brain to think about what to ask Keith. How was school going? Had he and Lance gotten sent to the principal for fighting again recently? How was work? They were all busy questions that Keith hated and typically wouldn’t answer unless Shiro prodded some more, but he was looking for a way to distract himself so he wouldn’t feel like he was eavesdropping on Matt, not to start a conversation with his brother, who was likely still in school.

“Whenever is fine, I think. Professor Rift won’t let me work on the tech this weekend because I’ve spent all my weekends this semester there when I wasn’t scheduled to work. He’s got Cyprus in there to fix the tech and keep me out.”

Shiro couldn’t think of anything to type, his mind drawing a blank, but he felt stupid just staring at his phone.

“Mhm. Okay. I’ll meet you at the IT Center.”

Shiro quickly typed something up.

Shiro: What’s up?

Hoping Keith was on his phone at that exact moment and would respond, Shiro stared at his screen.

“Okay. I’ll see you soon, dad. Bye.”

Matt ended the call and looked over at Shiro, who looked at old texts from Keith and pretended they were new for a moment to make Matt believe he’d been distracted the entire time. The day had been awkward enough at times, and Shiro didn’t want to make it worse. After a few seconds, Shiro hit the power button on his phone and slid it back into his pocket.

“My dad just called, and he’s picking me up in a few minutes at the IT Center. Do you need help getting the bags inside before I go?” Matt asked, polite as ever even though his tone betrayed slight awkwardness.

Shiro unbuckled his seatbelt, opened his door, and stepped out. Matt followed suit.

“Don’t worry about it, Taylor,” Shiro teased, causing Matt to redden and put a hand on his face.

“Ohmygod I did it for the meme!” the boy claimed, his voice slightly muffled. Shiro just laughed.

“Yeah, okay.”

“Really!”

Shiro took a breath to stop his chuckles, but his smile didn’t fade.

“Go ahead and go so you can get home and tell your sister about your evil friend who teased you about your meme ringtone so she can hack my phone and play the Wonderpets theme while I’m in class,” he said, his tone light and playful. Matt shut his door and crossed his arms.

“Ooooooh it’ll be so much worse than that. How about My Little Pony?” Matt suggested. Shiro raised his hands to his face in mock horror.

“Noooo! I’m not a Brony! Anything but that!”

The two broke down into laughter, holding onto the car for support. Shiro was the first to sober, as his laughter slowed and stopped when his eyes landed on Matt’s face. The boy’s eyes were squeezed shut and his face was split by a wide grin as he laughed, leaning on one arm against Shiro’s car while the other was wrapped around his waist to hold himself up. The sight turned Shiro’s grin into a soft smile, and since he didn’t want to risk getting caught trying to sneak a picture, he burned the image into his mind. It had been a long time since he’d seen someone look so happy because of him.

Matt soon calmed down, and his shoulder heaved as he drew in deep breaths. He looked up to see Shiro’s eyes on him, and it just made him smile wider. The two were locked in a moment, a rather common occurrence in the past week. They had gotten much closer in just a span of eight days than either of them would have thought possible, and both of them were beyond delighted about that. Despite the fact that they both had things to do and places to go, neither of them wanted to leave. They could have stayed that way for ages, appreciating the friend had found in each other, but the world didn’t stop for anybody.

“I should go before my dad calls again. I don’t need to torture you with Taylor Swift again,” Matt said, nodding in the direction of the IT Center. While he didn’t know where Shiro’s dorm was located relative to the IT Center, he did know which way led to the cafeteria and which direction the IT Center was in from there.

“Alright. Watch out for bikes and joggers,” Shiro told him, aware that Matt could get lost in thought and easily be run over by either.

Matt laughed and turned, setting off for the IT Center.

“See you later, Shiro,” he called over his shoulder, a smile still on his face. Shiro gave him a small wave, then watched Matt’s retreating back. In less than twenty seconds, he was already obscured by the trees.

-000-

Ten minutes later, Shiro was back in his room. It had been a little difficult getting both bags out of his car, shutting the car door with his feet, locking the car while the hand holding his keys was also holding the cat food, passing the doors of his neighbors while hoping none of them would open one in his face, unlocking his door with half a hand, opening the door with half a hand, and squeezing through the doorway with the load he carried. He’d ended up leaving his dorm door open as he carried the pet supplies into the room with the litterbox, then returning to grab his keys and shut the door. He then had refilled the food and litter bins and completely cleaned Eurus’s litter box. After that was all done, he’d walked into his bedroom and stopped.

Without a word, Shiro pulled off his gloves and dropped them on his dresser before going over to his bed and flopping down face first. After a moment, he felt Eurus jump up on his back. She was quick to lay down between his shoulder blades, rendering him completely immobile. Once Eurus laid down somewhere, she decided when she would move, even if she was laying on a person. If she was comfortable and someone moved her without a good reason, she didn’t let them get away with it.

“Did today actually happen, Eurus?” Shiro asked, folding his hands under his chin and turning his head to look back at his cat. She just stared at him for a moment, then began licking her paws. Shiro sighed. “It’s been years since I’ve had a good conversation with anyone who isn’t you, Keith, or Keith’s friends. It was also actually kinda nice to get to complain about the little things to someone like we’re stupid kids who aren’t putting up with any of the big stuff,” he admitted, subconsciously glancing at his right arm. “Sure, I’ve talked to Lance and Hunk about stupid stuff a few times before, but they know too much. They know all about my arm, what happened to my team, what happened to Keith and I. I know they try to hide it, but they both tend to get expressions of pity sometimes when I talk to them, especially if the conversation is related to everything that’s happened. It was just nice to talk to someone who has no idea what happened to me and doesn’t look at me like I’ll shatter if they say the wrong thing.”

Eurus pushed herself further up Shiro’s back until she was curled up at the top of his shoulders, then she laid her head down at the base of his neck.

“I just like having Matt around. Sure, there were quite a few awkward silences, but… He’s so kind and he doesn’t pry. He doesn’t point out my scars, doesn’t ask why I wear long sleeves when its boiling hot outside, doesn’t ask why I wear gloves all the time. Instead of being intimidated when I picked up 100lbs of food and litter like it was nothing, he started telling me about how strong his sister is. Instead of asking what I meant by ‘financial circumstances’ when we were talking about why we both get meals free, he started asking about pets and showing me pictures of his dog. It’s insane how little he seems to care about how I look and how much he loves talking about the people and things he cares about. I mean, I’m sure he could go on for hours about his dog, or his sister, or his work at the IT Center. He’s just… I don’t know…” Shiro trailed off, dropping his head on his hands.

Matt was different than everyone else Shiro had met at the college. Unlike the others students, he wasn’t rude to Shiro or put-off by his appearance, and he didn’t ignore him or dislike him. Unlike the professors, he wasn’t kind to Shiro out of pity or because he was a good pilot and student. Matt was something else, and while Shiro couldn’t think of the words to explain it, he could sum it up in just one sentence. He had only known Matt for a few weeks and had only been out with him a handful of times, but he already felt that Matt was the closest, most genuine friend he’d ever had. Shiro could only hope it would stay that way, and that he wouldn’t screw up and lose it all.

That single thought made Shiro’s heart freeze, and all his joy from the day was drained in an instant. What was it one if his English teachers in high school said about friendships? They’re like books. They take years to write, but seconds to burn. One screw-up can make love turn to hate. One misstep could make Matt decide he didn’t want to hang out with Shiro anymore. One is all it takes.

’One wrong move that I’m too good at making,’ he thought. To him, that was the crushing reality of the situation. Any false step could set fire to the book that they had just started writing, turning it to ashes and dust, and Shiro would be back to square one. He’d finally made a friend, been called a friend, and that left him more vulnerable than he’d been since years ago when he’d had his team.

Despite it being just 4pm, Shiro was exhausted. His thoughts were draining, and he wanted to escape them. A run wouldn’t help him; he didn’t have the energy. This wasn’t some nightmare he’d just woken up from. This was a nightmare come to life that was chasing him, lingering in the back of his mind and making him afraid. Even though nothing bad had happened yet, that didn’t mean it wouldn’t and his anxiety wasn’t planning to let him forget that. He couldn’t escape that fear, not even as he drifted into the dark recesses of sleep.

Chapter Text

Three days after the trip to Kronners, Shiro woke up to his alarm blaring. He grunted, rolling over and pulling on the edge of his pillow so it slid out from under his head and landed on top of it. Though unfortunately for him, it did nothing to block the obnoxious screams coming from his phone.

With a sigh, Shiro rolled over again and poked his head out from under his pillow so he could see as his hand groped around his nightstand in search of his phone. Once he had it in hand he swiped across the screen to shut off the alarm, then had to fight the urge to close his eyes and go back to sleep. It took enormous effort, but he was soon out of bed and headed for the kitchen in search of something to eat while rubbing the bleariness from his eyes.

Shiro had spent to the previous two nights texting Matt, leaving him with less time to sleep. Time seemed to fly when he talked to the tech student, and suddenly 10pm was 2am and Shiro was hit with a  wave of exhaustion. Luckily, he’d been able to sleep late the previous morning, as he had no classes on Tuesday, but Wednesday wasn’t the same. He had his aviation class early in the morning at 8am, meaning he had to be awake by 7 to have time to shower, feed Eurus, clean up, find something to eat, then make the trek to the aviation building that wasn’t exactly close to his dorm. Shiro had also been up much later the night before, as Matt had gone oddly silent until almost midnight, then made up for lost time by texting until almost 3am. Despite that, Matt had seemed very awake throughout the conversation as if it was taking place in the middle of the day. Shiro wondered if maybe Matt had taken a nap, though he didn’t feel it was his business to ask, so he didn’t.

Yawning for the fifth time since he woke up, Shiro grabbed two granola bars from his cupboard and ventured to the room with Eurus’s things. Her water bowl had hair in it, and her food bowl was almost empty. How she’d managed that, Shiro didn’t know. Instead of pondering it, he replaced the water and began to wrestle with the bin containing cat food as Eurus circled him, rubbing her face and sides against his legs for attention. Shiro filled her dish and scratched under her chin with his left hand momentarily as his right scooped up food, then left her to eat as he headed for the shower.

After a quick, cold shower, Shiro was finally awake. His tuft of white hair was a mess of knots that his comb refused to detangle, but he simply put it off as he dressed in his aviation uniform and searched for a clean pair of gloves. He’d met up with Matt a lot recently, and even in the past two days during which they had been unable to meet, Shiro had been busy with classes, catching up on work, and calling Keith to see how the teen was doing in school. That left him with little extra time to do things like laundry, which he has procrastinated in favor of keeping up on his daily workout. Unfortunately, he was in rather dire straits. Nearly all of his clothes were dirty, including all but one pair of gloves, and even his aviation uniform was uncharacteristically neglected. He didn’t have too many clothes, but there was enough that he might have to run two loads of laundry at the laundromat, which was always full. There was no telling how long it would take, though Shiro knew he wouldn’t have enough time to see Matt once again.

With a sigh, Shiro pulled on his last pair of gloves and returned to the challenge of combing out his hair. It took longer than usual, setting him behind to the point that he nearly forgot his shoes and was left jogging out the door once he was finally ready to leave.

-000-

To Shiro’s disappointment, Instructor Holt was nowhere to be seem when class began. Instructor Con said nothing, leaving Shiro and the rest of the students without any idea of where the man was. The man might have been a new presence in the class who they’d only known for about a month, but he was kind and very popular with the students, perhaps because he was there to offers tips and support, not grade them like Instructor Con.

The absence of Instructor Holt affected the class in many ways, as Shiro soon came to see. With Holt available, two students could go in the air at once, as long as it wasn’t a test day since only Con could do any kind of grading. The students got nearly twice as much flight time as usual, a somewhat rare occurrence in that semester so far due to rain, clouds, fog, and other bad weather that made flying hazardous. However, without Holt, they were back to the typical one-at-a-time flights. The result was that each student slotted to fly that day only got about twenty minutes of flying in, and the last few in line were cut off by a malfunction in the landing gear that made landing uncertain and dangerous.

With flying off the table and Con preoccupied with trying to find the issue while waiting for one of the professional mechanics working for the university to arrive, the class was left with a boring worksheet to do until class was over. The worksheet contained diagrams of engines from different models of planes, diagrams of the exterior of entire planes, and diagrams of the entire interior of planes. Each diagram had at least ten blank lines with arrows pointing to specific places that students were to identify, then write down the name in the corresponding blank. The top of the worksheet also specified very clearly that the paper was to be completed as homework if students did not finish before class ended. With only an hour left in the class and half a dozen diagrams to get through, most students took advantage of the lack of an instructor in the room and got out their phones to pull up the diagrams and fill them in using the internet. They all finished within half and hour and left early, but those same people were the ones who would struggle during the written exam and when they reached the real world, where they needed to know how every plane they flew worked.

By the time class was over, Shiro was one of the few students who remained. The class wasn’t very large already, being a third-year class, but without those who had cheated on their homework there was barely a half dozen students left. Like Shiro, the remaining students valued hard work and strove to put forth effort, a rare quality amongst people. All of them would have homework for the night, but they were also the people who Shiro knew for sure he’d be seeing in the fourth-year class next year.

Packing up, Shiro made a note on his phone to bring his homework to the laundromat when he went so he could work on it while waiting for his clothes. There wasn’t much else to do as he waited, and after seeing someone steal a washer by opening it when the person using it left, removing that person’s clothes, putting their own in, and using the remaining time for their self, Shiro didn’t dare leave his machines unattended to go do something else.

With a single glance back at the classroom, wondering once again where Instructor Holt could be, Shiro headed to his next class.

-000-

It was the moment he stepped out of the aviation building that Shiro got the email. It came as a surprise, last-minute email from a professor who always notified students of schedule changes at least a week in advance; English was cancelled.

Shiro stopped dead in the doorway, extremely confused as to why a professor notorious for holding class even when weather made the most stubborn professors cancel would possibly cancel a class so last minute when the weather was fine and flu season had not yet struck.

The answer, as it turned out, was quite simple. Like many others who lived in the area and made loads of money every year, the professor lived in a rich neighborhood surrounding a large, beautiful lake forty minutes from campus. The drive was never too bad, but the distance was too far to walk, and taxis and buses were a rarity in the town the university resided in. For the professor, that meant car trouble spelled the end of class. Lucky for the students who didn’t want to go to class that day, the trusty suburban the professor drove decided it was time to break down the minute the professor turned the key in the ignition. With no means of transportation and less than an hour before class was meant to start, the professor had no choice but to cancel.

A smile crept across Shiro’s face as he realized he would actually have some free time that night. Even if Matt was busy with the IT Center, a strong possibility as he spent most of his off-time working there, Shiro would have time to relax. He could finally watch one of the movies he’d been putting off until his schedule cleared up, take another trip to the store to buy some real groceries, or even just take the long nap he’d been craving since the semester began.

With his mood lifted, Shiro’s stress began to melt and his tense muscles began to loosen. He was finally starting to feel calm, a feeling that had hovered just out of reach since Matt left after his and Shiro’s trip to Kronners just days ago. Anxiety over classes was starting to build as midterms approached, and as Shiro and Matt’s friendship grew, Shiro worried more and more about what could happen if Matt found a part of Shiro that he despised and decided Shiro wasn’t a friend he wanted or needed anymore. Of course Matt had shown that he wasn’t nearly as shallow as others Shiro had encountered, looking past Shiro’s appearance and getting to know him as a person instead of ignoring him since he was different and ‘strange’ like others did. However, kindness had limits. Matt knew little about Shiro beyond his interests, his cat, and the fact that he had a troublemaker for a brother. He didn’t know about his arm, about the nightmares and memories from his time in the military that brought him instability anyone would find hard to manage. He didn’t know how sometimes even the smallest things could send Shiro back to his time in captivity and cause him to isolate himself from the world, or lose himself to fear and panic. Just because Matt was friendly and didn’t seem to have any problem with how Shiro’s appearance was different than the average person didn’t mean he’d be fine with how Shiro’s mind was different. It didn’t mean he’d be able to manage Shiro’s episodes when they came along, or that he would even want to try.

Mental illness was a big part of Shiro’s life, as well as his younger brother’s. Some people just didn’t know what to do when an episode of anything struck, even if they wanted to help, worried they might make it worse. Shiro wouldn’t blame Matt if that was what it came down to, but he didn’t want to lose this wonderful, genuine person he had managed to stumble upon in his chaotic life to something he couldn’t control and couldn’t quite fix. The very real reality that he could was what scared him more than Matt disliking him and leaving him because he wanted to, rather than because he was worried he’d hurt him and felt like he had to.

Pushing the negative thoughts from his mind before it could leech away his calm and call back his stress, Shiro pulled out his phone to check the time. It was just past noon, and he had the rest of the day. If he got back to his dorm and brought his clothes to the laundromat quickly, there was a chance it would be empty enough that he wouldn’t have to stand in line. Shiro decided he’d plan on doing that, getting the essentials done early and leaving him with more free time later in the day. That way he’d have more time to decide what to do with it, and could even see if Matt was done working by then.

Smiling to himself again, Shiro was lost in thought when the door he was walking past suddenly opened and someone ran into him. Whoever it was, they were much smaller than him, bouncing off his side and falling to the ground with a stifled, choked yelp of pain.

Yanked from his thoughts, Shiro stopped and looked down, taking a breath to slow his racing heart after being spooked by the sudden contact. However, the breath caught in his throat when his eyes landed on the unfortunate victim of the collision, who was slumped over on the ground, cradling a heavily-bandaged forearm.

The person on the ground was none other than Matt.

Chapter Text

Shiro’s eyes widened in surprise at the sight, and while he wanted to help, he couldn’t stop himself from recoiling when his eyes properly took in the bandages wrapped around Matt’s arm, so similar to how Shiro’s own arm had been on the day not too many years ago when he had finally woken up…

Panic seized Shiro’s heart, and his back was suddenly uncomfortably warm. His lungs didn’t seem to expand, not letting in as much air as he needed. It made Shiro’s head feel light, and he started to sweat. Those memories he had tried so hard to move on from were returning to the surface.

Meanwhile, Matt was still on the ground. With his eyes squeezed shut and his jaw clenched, he sucked in one breath, then two, unaware of who he had just run into. He held his right arm carefully, trying to will away the pain as he moved to stand. However, his arm bumped his knee as he tried to get up and sent a fresh wave of pain through him. He let out a quiet, pained hum, pressing his lips together to keep himself from making too much noise.

The sound reached Shiro’s ears, stealing all of his attention. It grounded him, returning to him enough control that he was able to step towards Matt and crouch in front of him.

“Matt? Are you okay?” Shiro asked, his voice still strained and shaky. If Matt asked about it later, he’d play it off as only worry over Matt’s condition rather than a mix of that and Shiro’s own internal panic.

Matt didn’t respond right away, his eyes still closed and his face tensed and aimed at the ground. The tech student’s silence made Shiro worry more, and he clung to that feeling as he tried to focus on Matt and the situation at hand in an attempt to distract himself from his thoughts.

After a moment, Matt let out a breath and finally opened his eyes. He looked up at Shiro with a forced smile, but winced. It wasn’t until he turned away from the ground completely that Shiro noticed why.

A gauze pad was taped to Matt’s left cheek, a white rectangle beneath his cheekbone. Whatever was beneath it couldn’t be less than stitches if it required more than a simple bandage.

“Sorry about running in to you,” Matt said, though Shiro nearly missed it in his shock. When the younger man moved to stand once again, Shiro found himself jumping to his feet with a hand on Matt’s uninjured arm to guide him up. The contact was much more than the usual accidental bumps and brushes that occurred when they walked side by side, and on any other day Shiro would have felt awkward and pulled away. However, at the moment, awkwardness was the last thing on Shiro’s mind.

The two stood where they were for a moment, Shiro unsure of what to say or what to do while Matt was preoccupied with looking over the bandages on his arm to make sure they hadn’t torn or moved when he fell. It wasn’t until someone walked through the same door Matt had exited through, nearly colliding with the pair, that Matt nodded toward the sidewalk and began moving. Shiro followed after him, getting out of the way as he and Matt moved to a nearby pond. The two walked out onto the small deck that reached out over the water, giving students a view of the life in the deeper parts of the tiny body of water. Settling against the railing, Matt leaning on his left side and facing Shiro with his body as he looked out at the water, neither of them spoke.

It wasn’t until Matt subconsciously grabbed at his bandaged arm again, pulling it close and holding it gingerly, that Shiro finally spoke.

“Are you alright?” he asked for the second time that day. Unlike before, when Matt had been on the ground, the boy nodded.

“Yeah. Thanks for stopping to help,” he replied shortly, his gaze not leaving the water. His lips twitched as if he wanted to say more, but he didn’t, and Shiro didn’t pry. He didn’t feel it was his business to ask if Matt wasn’t readily offering to answer.

The two lapsed into silence again, neither speaking or moving, instead standing like statues as the gentle breeze ruffled their hair and clothing. The moment was peaceful, so much so that Shiro found his earlier panic receding. He glanced at Matt’s arm again, breathing in slowly as he reminded himself that the bandages only covered Matt’s forearm, that the younger man’s upper arm and hand were perfectly fine, and the arm was not, in fact, Shiro’s. He told himself it wasn’t that day all over again, that those days were behind him, and that Matt was hurt and needed a little bit more attention than Shiro was giving him. Usually, those kinds of thoughts would only work to an extent and Shiro would end up shutting himself in his bedroom until he finally calmed down completely. However, it seemed that day was a good day, because he found himself able to look at Matt’s arm without being completely overtaken by anxiety. It made him uncomfortable still, which was unavoidable, but it was progress.

A group of loud students passed by the pond, and Shiro found himself frowning as he took a step toward Matt. The boy took notice, and put together what Shiro was thinking before Shiro realized it himself.

“It was an accident,” Matt said, glancing over at Shiro to give him another one of those forced smiles. He swung his gaze back toward the water, leaning on the rail a bit more as he took a breath and continued. “I was helping my mom make dinner last night, and Bae Bae got into the kitchen. She was trying to get into the food while I wasn’t looking,” he began. “She jostled a pot of boiling water and knocked my cutting board off the counter. I dove to catch it before it hit the floor, and some water from the pot sloshed over and spilled on my arm. It burned me pretty good. I probably would have been alright, but I’d left my knife on the cutting board. It got flung in the air when Bae Bae pulled the board of the counter, and it fell on when I dove and sliced my cheek.” Matt let out a choked laugh that sounded more pained than anything. “Just my luck, right?”

Shiro said nothing, not sure of how to respond. If it weren’t for the very real bandages on Matt’s arm and the gauze taped to his cheek, Shiro might not have believed it. He still almost didn’t believe the story, which seemed too crazy to be real, but one glance at Matt’s face told him the boy was being completely honest. Shiro had been worried that maybe someone had hurt him, a far-too-common occurrence in the world they lived in. While he was glad that wasn’t the case, he still felt horrible.

“My mom took me to the hospital for stitches and to have the burns looked at, so we couldn’t finish making dinner. She ended up just bringing pizza home. My sister was pretty happy about that, since she didn’t like what we had been making, though she seemed a little upset about the reason for it. Usually she’d make a few jokes, but she didn’t really say anything,” he recalled. “Maybe she was tired. We didn’t get home with the pizza until really late, anyway,” Matt finished, though at that point he seemed to be talking more to himself than to Shiro.

Shiro stared, wondering why Matt had been thinking of his sister when he’d just had boiling water splashed on his arm and a blade go through his cheek, and found himself speaking before he could think to stop himself.

“Why didn’t you just let it fall?”

The question was one any average person would have asked, though Shiro regretted it the moment he said it. He knew from personal experience that people had reasons for the things they did, even if they were strange, and it was horribly rude and invasive to ask. He’d been working on keeping out of the private business of others, but after years of not being close enough to someone to get exposed to any kind of private business, his filter wasn’t quite working yet.

Matt shook his head. “I couldn’t. The cutting board would have made a lot of noise when it hit the floor, and even could have shattered,” he pointed out. He paused for a moment, his features relaxing into a somewhat sad expression. His voice went soft and quiet when he spoke again. “My dad was in the next room watching the news. Small noises from the kitchen wouldn’t bother him, but that… He was in the military for a long time. He didn’t ever get hurt too bad, at least not physically, but he left with plenty of invisible scars. He’s gotten a little better over time, getting used to civilian life and all, but he has post-traumatic stress disorder. He’s been working on it a lot, trying to get better, but… that’s not something that just goes away after taking a few pills and a long nap.”

Shiro nodded, knowing all too well that Matt was completely right.

“He’s got a lot of things he has to avoid, one of the biggest being sudden loud noises. The cutting board falling and shattering would easily be enough to trigger it, so I caught it to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Sure, it sucks that I got a little burned and cut up, but I’d do it again. He was worried when he found out what happened, but I’d rather see him worried than see him lock himself up in the bedroom and go through everything alone. The things he has to manage… it’s really hard on him. If there’s any way I can help at all, I won’t hesitate to do it.”

Shiro internally punched himself a dozen times as he listened to Matt’s explanation, understanding on a very personal level just what the young man meant. It eased his anxiety to know that Matt was familiar with veterans and the struggles they faced, that he actively tried to help his father instead of keeping his distance and leaving the man to manage his recovery on his own. It warmed his heart that Matt was an even better person than he knew, though he couldn’t help the new flower of worry that blossomed within him as he thought over what he’d just learned a little more.

Since they moment they’d first collided that day, Matt had barely made a sound despite his pain. Only after hearing the context did Shiro realize that Matt had been actively trying to stay quiet, likely a habit he had developed out of courtesy to his father. Matt had already done his father a huge favor, but had gone the extra mile to ensure his father’s safety over his own. While that was beyond kind, it was also worrying. Shiro couldn’t help but wonder if, someday, Matt might get hurt and be unable to call for help after years of teaching himself to keep quiet. He didn’t even want to think of the possible outcomes, none of them good. The thought made him want to tell Matt to worry more about himself, but knowing the younger man, he was too kind and selfless to do so.

“Anyway, everything’s good now. My arm should heal after a week or two if I keep using the ointment I was prescribed, and the knife thankfully didn’t go all the way through my cheek. It’ll probably scar, but I don’t really mind,” Matt said, his tone back to the light one that Shiro had grown familiar with over the past month. 

The sudden 180 Matt pulled nearly gave Shiro whiplash, but he could recognize when someone was looking to change the subject, so he didn’t fight it. Instead he pulled out his phone to check the time, finding that just about ten minutes had passed since they collided.

“Well, uh, I gotta do some laundry, but… If you want to hang out for a bit once you’re done with your work and classes today, I’m free,” Shiro offered, recounting that doing laundry was no longer an option, but he’d have free time later. It had been a few days since they had done anything, and Shiro was hoping to spend some more time with his friend before the nearing midterms hit and they were both swamped with studying.

Matt smiled. “Actually, when Professor Rift saw my arm he sent me home early,” the tech student explained. “He told me I needed to rest, since I was having a hard time moving my arm and holding tools anyway. I’ve got the rest of the week off work, and only have to go to my classes. I don’t have any more classes tonight though, and I won’t be going home until later in the evening, so whenever you finish your errands just let me know and I’ll meet up with you,” he offered.

Shiro nodded. “Um, yeah. Sure.”

Matt flashed Shiro another reassuring grin, this one far more genuine than the previous two, and Shiro couldn’t help the smile it brought to his face. The aviation student promised to contact Matt soon, then ran off to get to his dorm quickly. He was moving fast, excited for later that day when he’d be able to hang out with Matt again. If it weren’t for his severe lack of clean clothes, he would have put laundry off even more. Though since he couldn’t do that, he opted instead to just go as fast as he could.

On his way out of his dorm, a backpack and drawstring bag stuffed with clothes slung over his shoulders, Shiro felt his phone buzz. He pulled it out and found a message from Matt. It contained a screenshot of a movie poster and showtimes for the day at a theater just down the road. Oddly enough, it was one of the new movies Shiro had been looking forward to. Pulling his door shut behind him, Shiro scanned over the showtimes in search of the one he thought would be best.

Shiro: 4pm?

It was a minute before Matt responded, catching Shiro just as the aviation student slid his car key into the ignition.

Matt: See you then

Shiro smiled, dropping his phone on the passenger seat next to his bags of clothes as he buckled up. In his excitement, he nearly ran over the curb, but that wasn’t even close to enough to wipe the grin from his face. At the moment, he doubted anything was.

-000-

Shiro’s luck continued when he reached the laundromat. Just as he had hoped, barely half of the machines were occupied. There was no waiting, a rare occurrence in the only laundromat within twenty miles of the university.

Hoping to finish quick, Shiro quickly loaded up a washer with clothes and detergent, inserted a few coins, and started the machine. He then leaned back against it, crossing his ankles and relaxing into a more comfortable stance as he pulled out his phone and waited.

For the first ten minute of waiting, Shiro scrolled around online. However, it wasn’t long before he found himself opening his contacts and clicking Matt’s.

Shiro: Have you read any of the reviews for the movie yet?

The text was sent without Shiro even thinking, his mind lost to random thoughts as he awaited a reply, which came in less than a minute.

Matt: Nope

Matt: I don’t trust people to leave out spoilers

Shiro: Fair point

Matt: The director has made a lot of good stuff so I think this one will be good too

Shiro: I hope so. Tickets are almost as expensive as buying the movie when it’s released on DVD

Matt: Yeah but like no one buys DVDs anymore

Matt: Unless

Matt: Shiro

Matt: Do you still buy DVDs

Shiro: Sometimes? If it’s good and I have extra money I will

Matt: Omg yyyy

Matt: That’s what pirate sites are for

Shiro: That’s illegal

Matt: Only if you get caught

Shiro: They have tons of viruses

Matt: Not if you have an anti-virus

Matt: Or if you know how to get rid of them

Shiro: Is that even possible?

Matt:

Matt: Are you really asking me that question

Matt: Are you sure you’re not like 90

Matt: Because you sound like my grandma

Shiro: I’m not a Computer Science major

Matt: Neither is my sister but she can do that stuff in her sleep

Shiro: Your sister is a genius child who can hack into phones from across the room

Shiro: Which, also, how is that even possible

Matt: Fair point

Matt: Its easier than you think

Shiro: Yes, and my brother has never gotten into a fight

Matt: Whatever you say grandma

Shiro:

Shiro: Grandma has to go move clothes from the washer to the dryer

Shiro: Don’t get a virus while I’m away

Matt: If I ever get a virus from a pirate site I’ll eat my shirt

Shiro: I’m holding you to that

Matt: Mmk

Shiro snorted quietly as he pocketed his phone, shaking his head at his friend. Where Matt had gotten the shirt-eating idea from, Shiro could never guess, but he thought it would be an amusing attempt to witness.

Smile still tugging at the corners of his lips, Shiro opened up his washer, cringing as he picked up the first bundle of wet clothing and tossed it into the nearest dryer. He hurried through the task, hoping the water wouldn’t soak through his sleeves and get the metal in his arm wet.

When the last of Shiro’s clothes had been moved, he started up the dryer and resumed his previous lean against the machine. He slipped his phone out of his pocket and pulled up Matt’s contact again, opening the conversation.

Shiro: Get any viruses yet?

Matt responded almost instantly.

Matt: Yep

Matt: Swimming in viruses

Matt: Whatever shall I do

Shiro: Its funny until it actually happens

Matt: Well that must be why I always find it funny

Shiro: Does that mean next time I get a virus I just have to give my computer to you, and you’ll fix it?

Matt: You could

Matt: But that thing is ancient

Matt: Idk how it’s still running

Shiro: I’ll make sure I buy a new one next time I win the lottery

Matt: I’d say same but I just got myself a new one recently

Matt: IT work pays well

Shiro: Unfortunately being a student does not

Matt: Tru

Matt: If I didn’t have my scholarships I’d probably be working at McDonalds right now

Shiro: If I didn’t have my scholarships I would probably have been hit by a bus leaving work at McDonalds at 3am by now

Matt: Same

Shiro: ?

Matt:

Matt: Do you ever go on social media

Matt: And are you SURE you’re not 90

Shiro: I mean I look like I’m 90, but no, I’m not

Matt: Nah you look pretty young

Matt: You’re just built like a tank

Shiro: Thanks :l

Matt: Of course ;)

Matt: Though speaking of tanks

Matt: The main dude in the movie we’re gonna watch

Matt: His biceps are literally the size of my head

Shiro: Yeah

Matt: How is that even possible he could probably bench a car

Matt: Could you bench a car?

Shiro: I can’t say I’ve ever tried

Shiro: Nor will I

Matt: I’ll eat my shirt

Shiro: Okay where did you get that idea from

Shiro: Do you actually want to eat your shirt or something

Shiro: Should I be concerned

Matt: You need to go on the internet more

Matt: I’m making you a Tumblr

Shiro: What’s a Tumbler?

Matt: Omg

Matt:

Matt:

Shiro: ?

Matt: Grandma

Shiro:

Matt: After the movie I’m teaching you about social media

Matt: If only my sister wasn’t busy she knows more than I do

Shiro: Does your sister have one of those, uh, Tumblers?

Matt: Its TUMBLR no e

Shiro: Why?

Matt:

Matt: I’ll explain later

Shiro: Good timing

Shiro: My dryer is almost finished

Matt: Finish up with you clothes grandma

Shiro: Respect your elders

Matt: :p

Shiro:

Shiro: is this 2010

Matt: :0

Matt: :000000

Matt: HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT YOU’RE A GRANDMA

Shiro: I have a younger brother with very extroverted friends

Shiro: So I know a few things

Matt: So that’s how you’ve survived this long

Shiro: Are you sure its not because I am, as you said before, ‘built like a tank’

Matt: I mean that only helps if you get hit by a bus

Matt: Or need to carry pet food

Shiro: What if you’re stuck somewhere and need to move heavy objects to clear a path out

Matt: In that case, I, someone built like a spaghetti noodle, would simply slip through the cracks in the rubble

Shiro:

Matt: I win

Shiro: I don’t think that would work

Matt: Of course it would

Shiro: I think you watch too many movies

Matt: And that’s why I would survive

Shiro: You do realize those are all set up in a certain way so that things that would be impossible are possible

Matt: Of course

Matt: Doesn’t mean it would 100% not work tho

Matt:

Matt:

Shiro:

Matt: -_-

Matt: If you’re gonna make me fix your computer viruses then next time I get stuck behind a large pile of heavy debris I’m calling you

Shiro: Sure

Matt: Wait

Matt: Isn’t your laundry done

Matt: The machines at laundromats kinda suck

Matt: One of the other IT guys left his clothes in a dryer for an hour after it finished and everything shrank

Shiro: Shit

Shiro pocketed his phone and turned just as the dryer rumbled to a stop, making him exhale in relief. He’d never had the time to stand around after his clothes finished, always getting dirty looks when he took even one extra second to open and unload the machine after it finished its cycle. Due to that, he didn’t know if he would suffer the same fate as the unnamed IT student. However, his wallet could not handle the financial burden that would come with buying all new clothes if he ever tried to find out.

Despite not needing to rush, Shiro found himself unloading his dryer as fast as ever. He folded his clothing quickly and efficiently, filling up his bags with neat stacks in mere minutes. He was walking out of the laundromat with his bags slung over his shoulders in less than five minutes, checking the time to make sure he could make it back to his dorm to drop off his things without needing to rush to the theater. With about an hour left until the planned meeting time, he was in no rush. Though for some reason, he was driving a few miles over the speed limit on his way back to the university, thankfully never encountering any cops.

-000-

Ten minutes before 4pm, Shiro pulled into the parking lot of the movie theater. He was earlier than planned, having dropped off his things in his dorm and left again in record time, only stopping to double-check Eurus’s food and water and scratch under her ears. He was early to many things though, having made a habit out of it during his time in the military. For a fighter pilot, tardiness could change everything.

Entering the building, Shiro scanned the lobby for a familiar head of sandy hair. He looked once, then twice, but didn’t see Matt anywhere, so he moved to a bench in the corner and sat down. Shiro pulled out his phone and opened up his conversation with Matt, checking for new messages before sending his own.

Shiro: I’m here

Shiro clicked the power button and set his phone down on his lap, glancing up to look for Matt again. Instead of finding the IT student, he discovered a few people staring at him, some whispering to each other. It made him drop his gaze, tugging subconsciously on his sleeves and gloves as if his right arm was exposed to the world. While he knew it wasn’t, he felt like it was under the weight of the gazes of others.

As he grew anxious, Shiro found himself fiddling with his phone. He would pick it up, turn it on, type in his passcode, turn it off, turn it back on again, set it down, pick it back up, type in his passcode again, pull up his conversation with Matt, scroll through the recent messages, turn the phone off, set it back down, pick it up, and continue on and on. He didn’t go out often, spending a lot of time either at home or in isolated areas. He drew stares wherever he went, and even after a few years of it, the discomfort he felt never faded.

As if the universe had noticed his suffering, a distraction was quick to arrive. Someone walked up to his table, standing there without saying anything as they waited for Shiro to take notice. When he did, Shiro smiled.

“Hey, Matt.”

Shiro stood, pocketing his phone as Matt nodded toward the counter. The two headed over to the lines and stepped in at the end, waiting to buy their tickets.

“Good thing the ads last a solid twenty minutes. The line is pretty long and they look a bit understaffed today,” Matt pointed out, going up on his toes to see the counter through the snaking line of people.

Shiro nodded in agreement. “I didn’t even think about getting in line when I got here. I should have gotten the tickets sooner,” he said with a sigh.

Matt shrugged. “Next time.”

Shiro found himself stiffening, his eyes widening a fraction at Matt’s words. Sure, they had officially established their friendship already, but the way Matt talked about the future so casually, so sure their friendship wouldn’t crumble anytime soon, was very foreign to Shiro. It had been a while since someone had spoken to him like that, and he realized very quickly that the warmth the words left behind went a great way toward taming the cold of isolation that had settled within him.

The pair waited in silence, Matt on his phone as Shiro glanced between him and the counter. Slowly, the line inched forward until they were at the front, then waved over to a register.

Shiro nudged Matt with his elbow and nodded toward the register. Matt slipped his phone back into his pocket and followed Shiro over, stopping just behind him to wrestle his wallet out of his pocket.

“Could we get two tickets for Fallout, please?” Shiro asked, wallet already open and in hand. The woman behind the register nodded, typing something into the tablet on her register. A moment later the tickets were printing, and Shiro was handing over $25.

As Shiro stepped away from the register, pocketing his wallet, Matt spoke. “I could have paid for that myself.”

Shiro shrugged. “You were having trouble getting your wallet, especially with your arm hurt, so I can cover it for you today,” he pointed out.

Matt frowned, but after a moment he sighed in defeat.

“Fine, but I’ll pay for your ticket next time.”

Shiro stiffened once more after hearing those words again. ‘Next time’ wasn’t something he was familiar with, and hearing such a strong, confident pair of words that defined a good future used twice in less than half an hour was a bit unnerving to him. He didn’t know what to say or what do. Instead, he decided to shrug vaguely and not give a real response.

The pair made there way to their auditorium, opening the doors to find the room packed to the brim. The sheer number of people made Shiro wince, and had he been alone, he would have turned around and walked out. However, he was with Matt this time, and the IT student was quick to plunge in and search for seats. Shiro followed, crossing his arms tightly and hunching his shoulders in an attempt to make himself smaller and avoid touching people.

Matt eventually located two seats next to each other in a row near the front, but reaching them required walking past a group of people who had claimed the end seats. The idea made Shiro wince yet again, as he absolutely hated being in such close proximity to people. The way his legs brushed their knees as he tried to maneuver his hulking mass of a body down the row left him extremely uncomfortable, and it only got worse when the people looked up at him and stiffened upon seeing his strange tuft of white hair and the long, pink scar that stretched over the bridge of his nose. The way they leaned away from him just a little more than necessary, moving on instinct as their brains recognized Shiro as something different, something they should avoid, filled Shiro’s chest with ice.

Once the pair reached their seats and sat down, Shiro exhaled deeply. He let his eyes slip closed momentarily, focusing on relaxing his muscles and calming his racing heart as the voices from the dozens of other people in the auditorium filled his ears and sent his anxiety skyrocketing.

A sudden weight on Shiro’s left arm made him jump, his heart skipping a beat. He leaned away on instinct, hid head whipping to the side as his eyes searched for the culprit. Shiro found himself staring at Matt, who was looking at him with a concerned expression, his hand hanging in the air where it had been on Shiro’s arm before the older man pulled away.

“Are you okay?” Matt asked, looking at Shiro’s widened eyes.

Shiro sighed, slumping back in his chair. His arm brushed Matt’s hand again when he moved, though Matt dropped his hand the instant it happened.

“Yea, I’m fine. There are just a lot of people here,” Shiro admitted, running his hand over his face as if that would wipe away every visible trace of his anxiety.

“Oh. Do you need to leave? We can always come back at another time when it’s not as busy,” Matt offered, putting his hands on his arm rests as he prepared to stand.

Shiro waved a hand in the air dismissively, shaking his head. “No, no. I’m fine,” he assured, though he was lying through his teeth. Every cell in his body was screaming at him to go somewhere that wasn’t so crowded, and he could feel his nerves humming with adrenaline.

While Shiro had been in crowded places before and been just fine, such as when he went to the cafeteria at the university or the laundromat in the evening when half the campus was there, there were some places he couldn’t stand. Those other places he was fine in had more than one door leading in and out, were well-lit, and he wasn’t surrounded by people who were an inch away from him. He could move around instead of being stuck in one small seat for two whole hours, pulling his shoulders in so he wouldn’t touch the people at his sides. On the other hand, any concerts, movies, games in any sport, or any other large gathering of tightly-packed people were all too close for comfort. Shiro avoided those situations as often as possible, though it wasn’t as if he had the money to go do much anyway. All he could actually afford out of all the places he didn’t like was the movie theater. However, movies had multiple showtimes for multiple days, leaving him with the option of finding a time where the movie he wanted to see wasn’t quite new anymore and not busy at all. That’s typically when he would go, as there were rarely more than a dozen others in the auditorium with him.

On any other day, Shiro never would have gone to a movie just days after its release. However, he’d been excited to see Matt again, and it hadn’t even struck him that the movie they were going to see was from a popular franchise and would likely be packed. The thought made Shiro mentally kick himself for not thinking.

Loud, dramatic music pulled Shiro from his thoughts, and he looked up to see the movie starting. The sounds of others in the auditorium were drowned out, and Shiro felt instant relief. While he knew there were still dozens of others in the room, not being able to hear them made him feel less cramped and anxious. There was also something for him to focus on, and sure enough, the movie had all of his attention after just a few minutes.

However, to Shiro’s misfortune, he found himself zoning out by the halfway point. The movie had started out great, capturing the attention of the entire audience. However, as it continued, the quality dipped. By the halfway point, it was rather clear that the franchise would have been better off ending with the previous movie. The plot was boring, and the main character was too generic. No one was looking for another movie with some steroid-pumped white guy running away from explosions and kissing the one and only woman in the movie who had more than four lines because he’d suddenly captured her heart. No one cared when she nearly died, but was saved by the main character at the last last minute. There was none of the creative flair from the movie’s predecessors.

A little before two-thirds of the way through, Shiro felt something touch his arm again and looked over at Matt, expecting to hear him complain about how horrible the movie was. Instead, he found himself looking down at closed eyes and a relaxed face.

Matt was out cold, slumped in his seat with his head against the back of his chair. It lolled to the side, tapping Shiro’s arm whenever he twitched or moved in his sleep.

Unsure of what to do, Shiro simply stared. Did he wake him up, or did he just let him sleep? Matt had been excited for the movie, but it was garbage and not worth the time it took to watch through the end. Matt had also been up very late the previous night due to his accident at home and probably needed the sleep.

In the end, Shiro decided to leave Matt alone. His body tensed as he struggled to not move an inch, worried he might bump into Matt if he moved and wake him. He continued watching the movie, hoping it would recover and have a high-quality ending, only to be further disappointed. Having lost all interest in the movie, Shiro went back and forth between watching it and glancing at Matt, who slumbered on.

Once the movie ended and people began to clear out so the ushers could clean, Shiro lifted a hand to carefully tap Matt on the shoulder. He didn’t wake up. Shiro frowned and tried again, this time shaking him gently. Matt stirred, but his eyes didn’t open.

As the number of people in the auditorium dwindled, Shiro was running out of ideas. He didn’t want to be loud and draw attention, and he couldn’t shake Matt too much without possibly agitating the burns on the boy’s forearm.

With the ushers glaring at them for not clearing out, Shiro grabbed Matt’s shoulder and shook him gently, then used his other hand to lightly pat the uninjured side of his face as he called his name.

“Matt.” No response.

“Matt.” Still nothing.

“Matthew!” he called just slightly louder. It seemed to do the trick, because Matt moved and his eyes blinked open.

“What…” he mumbled, rubbing sleep from his eyes. When he looked up again, his eyes scanning the auditorium and coming to rest on Shiro, they widened, and he jumped upright. “SHIT I FELL ASLEEP!”

Shiro smiled, suppressing a chuckle.

“Don’t worry. It sucked,” he assured. Matt sighed.

“Yeah, true. Before I fell asleep it was already pretty trash. Did it not get better?”

“It got worse as it went on,” Shiro stated, getting to his feet.

Matt nodded and stood, rubbing his eyes again as he walked toward the end of the row. Shiro followed, the two of them hurrying past the ushers who finally were able to start cleaning.

In the lobby, Matt stopped at the drinking fountain. When he finished, he wiped the water from his face with his good arm and turned to Shiro.

“Sorry about that. The movie was pretty boring and I didn’t sleep much last night. I’m also taking painkillers that make me feel like I just pulled four all-nighters in a row,” Matt explained, gesturing to his cheek and his bandaged arm.

Shiro nodded. “Yeah, I understand,” he assured, though he didn’t explain himself. He didn’t quite feel like sharing the more complicated details yet.

The pair left the theater and stood outside, where Matt called his dad for a ride. Once he was done, he turned to Shiro.

“Well, even if the movie sucked, it was nice to get out. Text me next time you’re free, and we can see about a movie that’s better,” Matt suggested. “I’ll try not to fall asleep during that one, too.”

Shiro smiled, nodding. “Yeah, sure. And do you want me to stick around until your dad gets here?” he offered, looking around. It was nearing 7pm, and while it wasn’t dark yet, the sun was dipping closer and closer to the horizon. Shiro didn’t feel right just leaving Matt by himself, even though Matt was an adult capable of taking care of himself.

“That’s alright. He’ll be here soon. Besides, if he sees you he’ll start asking a bunch of questions. I don’t hang around people much outside the tech center, so my parents always get curious about the few things I spend a lot of time on that aren’t computers,” he joked.

Shiro nodded, but still didn’t want to leave. “Well, I need to call my brother to make sure he’s staying out of trouble, so I’ll be over by my car for a while if you need anything.”

Matt gave Shiro a smile that Shiro returned before heading for his car. Once he got there he pulled out his phone, tapped the screen randomly a few times, then put it up to his ear. He had just called Keith a few days ago, and didn’t have any reason to be doing it again. The only two reasons for his actions were Matt’s discomfort about Shiro being around when his dad arrived and Shiro’s unease about leaving Matt on his own.

“Hey, what’s up?” Shiro said to literally no one, figuring he should put on a good show in case anyone saw him. He didn’t want to seem like some creepy old dude staring at a rather small and weak-looking young man standing alone on the sidewalk. The last thing he needed was to get arrested, as he could potentially lose his scholarships and be forced to drop out of college.

Shiro kept his eyes on Matt as he continued his fake conversation, walking around the front of his car a few times as if he was absentmindedly wandering while talking. He kept up this act until a car pulled into the parking lot and slowed to a stop next to Matt.

Running over to the passenger side and opening the door, Matt waved at Shiro before getting in. Shiro returned the wave, then wrapped up his fake conversation as the car pulled away. Once they were gone, Shiro pocketed his phone and dropped into the driver’s seat of his own vehicle. Taking a tired breath, he buckled up, turned the key in the ignition, and headed home.

-000-

Upon reaching his dorm, Shiro was feeling tired enough to go to bed. He was behind on sleep, and a few extra hours didn’t sound too bad. However, as he picked up items that he’d thrown sloppily around the room in the past few days when he was in a hurry, he came across his homework. He’d left it on his nightstand so he would remember to do it, though he internally cursed himself for forgetting to bring it with him to the laundromat as he had planned. He honestly had no interest in it at the moment, though as a responsible student who always did his work, he had no choice but to complete it.

After finishing his cleaning and checking to make sure Eurus had food, water, and a clean litter box, he sat down on his bed with the homework and a pencil. It took him a few hours and a couple frustrated sighs to finish it, and once he did, he stuffed it a little too aggressively into his bag. The lack of sleep was catching up to him, and he was starting to feel a bit cranky.

With a little under eight hours until he had to get up in the morning, Shiro rushed through his nightly routine and dropped gracelessly onto his bed. He didn’t even bother with any blankets despite the chilly October air, closing his eyes and calling for sleep to claim him. Shiro was so tired that he didn’t even have the energy to check his phone when he heard it chirp on the nightstand, already half asleep.

Chapter Text

Throughout the next two weeks, Shiro and Matt texted often. They didn’t meet up to do anything besides eat lunch on the weekends, Matt under strict orders to be careful with his cheek and arm as the bandages had soon been removed. Sure enough, the mark on Matt’s cheek had left behind a scar, though thankfully his arm made a full recovery.

“Well, I guess we kind of match now,” Matt pointed out while he and Shiro ate their lunch on the third weekend of the month. He gestured at Shiro’s nose, tracing the scar that stretched across it in the air with his finger before doing the same with his own.

“Well I hope not,” Shiro blurted, his mind on the many other scars that crisscrossed his entire body.

The comment caused Matt to pause, his head tilting slightly in confusion as he stared at Shiro. It made the older man panic, and he waved his hand dismissively as he tried to backpedal. “I just mean that my scar tends to uh, kind of intimidate people. I’d hope that yours doesn’t have the same effect. It can lead to some pretty uncomfortable situations, and people aren’t always very nice about it,” he explained, digging his grave deeper with each word. He was slapping himself internally with every syllable, willing himself to just stop talking immediately please.

Matt frowned. “Really? It’s just a scar. I mean, I guess if people are wondering how you got it they might come up with something strange, but… I don’t get what the big deal is. I mean, anything can leave scars, not just traumatic events or deadly situations,” he pointed out. He then gestured to his own face. “Case in point. Dog, plus food, plus knife, equals ow.”

Shiro couldn’t help but chuckle at Matt’s words, which he found both funny and assuring. He had never really known exactly what Matt thought about the scar on the bridge of his nose, and it was nice to know that he really didn’t mind it at all. It calmed one writhing tendril of anxiety within him, bringing just the slightest bit of relief.

“That’s true. My brother’s friend has a scar on his leg from when he was petting someone’s dog and it stepped on him and scratched him pretty good. I’ve heard some of the explanations he comes up with to make it seem like he got it doing something badass, and they’re all pretty bad,” Shiro admitted.

The two continued talking, finishing their food and dumping their trash before going outside. They headed toward the IT Center, as Matt was working that day, talking casually about whatever as they had been. Their friendship had grown much more comfortable as they hung out more, and when they texted until the early hours of the morning their exhaustion loosened the anxious filters on their minds and made any conversation easy. Conversations that might have once been awkward were casual and smooth, and sharing strange thoughts and stories had made them feel more comfortable talking to each other about almost anything.

In front of the IT Center, they stopped and turned to face each other.

“So, do you want to go do something now that you’re healed?” Shiro asked. He felt anxious offering to make plans, knowing he would feel horrible about rejection even if it was for a good reason. Thankfully, Matt nodded.

“Sure. What do you wanna do?” he asked. Shiro froze. He hadn’t expected that he would get this far.

“Uh, I mean, is there anything in particular that you want to do?” he asked, dodging the question. He hadn’t come up with any ideas, his mind occupied with going over the simple line ‘do you want to go do something’ over and over out of fear that he would stutter or misspeak.

“Hm.” Matt bit his lip as he thought, and Shiro found himself staring. He quickly looked around to avert his gaze, hoping Matt wouldn’t catch him and think he was being creepy.

After almost half a minute, Matt finally spoke. “How about…. Ice skating?”

Shiro stiffened, well aware that he had never gone ice skating once in his life and would probably end up falling more than skating.

Matt seemed to pick up on Shiro’s sudden tension, because he put his hands up and backpedaled. “I mean it’s fine if you don’t want to. I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but I used to go a lot with my mom and little sister. It was really fun, but we don’t have to…” he trailed off, talking quickly. It was then Shiro’s turn to backpedal.

“No, that sounds good. I just, uh…. I’ve never actually skated before. I’m not sure that I’d be any good. You might end up dragging me off the ice after I manage to knock myself unconscious from falling so many times,” he explained awkwardly, feeling his face heat up in slight embarrassment.

Matt smiled. “Oh, that’s fine. I can teach you!” he offered excitedly.

“S-sure,” Shiro agreed, answering before taking any time to consider. Matt’s expression was full of excitement, and it made Shiro accept the offer before he could even think about declining, not that he would have been able to. There was no way he could have shut Matt down when he looked that happy.

“Great! Okay, uh, I’ll look up the schedule and send it to you. Just let me know when you’re free, and we can find a time,” Matt explained, pulling out his phone. Shiro nodded.

“Okay, but, uh, don’t forget about your work. I don’t want your professor to get mad at me for distracting you,” the older man joked. Matt shook his head.

“He wouldn’t get mad, though I do need to go now. I’ll talk to you later!” he promised, eyes still full of light as he jogged toward the building, scrolling on his phone with one hand while using the other to open the door.

Shiro watched Matt go with a small smile, then once the young man was out of sight, he headed for his dorm.

-000-

Tuesday morning, Shiro found himself parking at the local civic center. He entered the building hesitantly, then sighed in relief when he noticed that the ice rink was straight past the entrance. There was one room in front of it with the rental counter, lockers, and benches, then a wall of windows and a set of double doors that lead to the rink.

Looking around, Shiro was relieved to find that Matt had beaten him there. The younger man was in the middle of tying on his skates, and he looked up when Shiro approached.

“You’re here!” he exclaimed, knotting his laces before getting to his feet. Shiro nodded, then rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he looked around.

“There are kind of a lot of people, isn’t there?” he asked.

Matt looked around, his eyes scanning over the room as he took in the number of others. There was just over a dozen.

"Nah. It’s really busy in the winter, though. All the rentals sell out and the ice is so crowded that they pull people off after they’ve been out there for a while. This is nothing,” he explained, gesturing to the others in the room.

Shiro nodded, then approached the rental booth to get skates. He returned to the bench Matt had just been occupying and sat to put the skates on. He began tying them like normal shoes, but then Matt shook his head and knelt down, holding out his hands. Confused, Shiro hesitantly handed the laces over.

Matt started at the front, pulling the laces tight in every spot before he reached Shiro’s ankle. He then crisscrossed the laces, pulling them tight as he looped them around the hooks on the sides of the boots. They were so tight that Shiro didn’t think he’d be able to move his ankles at all, but Matt started to explain how tighter skates made control much easier, and Shiro was thankful for the help.

Once Matt finished tying both of his skates, Shiro looked down at the blades. His own were simple, a single blade extending from the bottom of the boot to the ground. However Matt’s were different. They had holes in the blade, and the front edges were serrated.

“Why are they different?” Shiro asked, gesturing to the boots.

“Yours are hockey skates. They’re easier to use, and the blades are simpler. Mine are figure skates. They have toe picks in the front for jumps and other tricks, but anyone who isn’t used to them tends to catch the picks on the ice and trip,” Matt explained, pointing at the blades as he spoke.

Shiro nodded, then followed Matt as the IT student headed for the rink. The room was chilly, and Shiro already knew that it wouldn’t be long before his arm started to hurt. While he was wearing his usual gloves and long sleeves, they wouldn’t offer much protection to the metal in his flesh.

Matt lead Shiro to a short door that led to the ice, and stepped into the rink as if he were going for a walk. He moved away slightly, then turned and waited for Shiro with a smile on his face.

Nervously, Shiro put a hesitant skate on the ice, then tried to step forward. His foot slipped immediately, and he grabbed the wall next to him to stay upright. In front of him, Matt started laughing, and Shiro felt heat rush to his face in embarrassment.

“Come on. You won’t be able to learn if all you do it stand there holding the wall,” Matt teased, sliding backwards effortlessly.

Shiro attempted to follow, but only ended up slipping again. Too far from the wall, he ended up sprawled facedown on the ice. He could hear Matt laughing quietly again, but when he looked up the IT student had a hand extended to help him up. Shiro accepted it, and attempted to get to his feet. He slipped again when his skate touch the ice, but Matt was there to steady him as he worked his way to his feet. Once he was standing, he brushed the ice from his clothes and looked to Matt for help.

“Okay,” Matt began, widening his stance. “Make sure your feet aren’t together, or it’ll be hard to balance, though they shouldn’t be more than shoulder length apart or your skates might slip and make you regret being alive.”

Shiro edged his feet a few inches apart, holding his arms out to the sides as he fought to stay balanced on the thin blades.

“Now, when you move, you don’t move like you’re walking,” Matt explained, turning around so his back was to Shiro. “Watch my feet. You push off back and out, leaning most of your weight on your other foot. The one that you push off with doesn’t even need to leave the ice. You can slide it back up to the front foot, then switch and push off with the other. You just kinda go back and forth, and you’ll eventually be able to build up enough speed that you can just coast.”

Matt pushed off, giving an example and he effortlessly skated away, getting faster and faster as he looped back around and stopped in front of Shiro. “Now you try.”

Shiro took a breath, then tried to move just as Matt had instructed. Unfortunately, he leaned forward too much and lost his balance. He fell onto the ice again.

After getting up, Shiro was preparing himself for trying to skate again, but he stopped when the view of his skates was obstructed by two hands. He looked up to see Matt holding out his hands, palms up.

“I won’t be able to catch you if you fall, but I can help you at least try to keep your balance,” he offered.

Shiro nodded, then hesitantly reached out to grab Matt’s wrists. Matt did the same to him, and Shiro closed his eyes for a moment and hoped that Matt either couldn’t feel the metal through the cuffs of his gloves and shirt or believed the strange cold and hardness was due to the temperature and bony wrists. The younger man didn’t say anything, so Shiro figured he might not have noticed.

With the anxiety over his arm shoved into the shadows of his mind, Shiro tried to push off and move forward. He succeeded once, then twice, though he was only on his feet because Matt was steady enough to help hold him up. Unfortunately though, his foot soon slipped and he tumbled. Just as Matt had predicted, he could not keep Shiro from falling, and the older man ended up back on the ice.

For the next hour, Shiro slowly learned how to skate with the patient help of Matt, who quite literally helped him every step of the way. Shiro fell a lot, but eventually reached the point where he could skate on his own. He wavered and slipped, his movements far from graceful, but he could do it. He was getting quite proud of himself, and found himself smiling.

Just a few minutes before the open skating ended and the rink closed for the zamboni, Shiro and Matt were skating side by side when someone flew past Shiro and knocked into him. The other person managed to recover and keep moving, but Shiro was an amateur who didn’t stand a chance. He fell forward and to the side. Matt reflexively attempted to catch him, but the falling mass that was Shiro proved to be too heavy a load for him to handle. The pair fell, Matt about to be crushed under the weight of Shiro.

Afraid of hurting Matt, Shiro stopped flailing his arms in an attempt to stay upright and grabbed his friend, twisting them at the last second so they fell on their sides, Matt’s head protected by Shiro’s good arm and his fall broken. Unfortunately, that caused Shiro to take the full impact. Unlike when he’d fallen before, he could not break his own fall with his hands or shield his head with his arms. He landed hard on the ice, his vision blanking momentarily.

For a few seconds, Shiro couldn’t move. His side ached, and he knew he’d have some impressive bruises in an hour. He felt Matt move next to him, sitting upright and changing position so he was kneeling next to Shiro.

“Shiro? Are you okay?!” Matt asked, slightly panicked.

Shiro sighed, fighting to at least sit up so Matt wouldn’t worry as much. His hand went to the side of his head, rubbing a tender spot gently as it throbbed.

“I’m fine. What about you?” he asked, looking Matt over. He couldn’t see any bruises, but he also knew they wouldn’t appear for a while.

“You broke my fall, so I’m fine. I think it might be a good time to call it a day, though,” Matt suggested. Shiro nodded.

The two got to their feet, Shiro struggling due to the pulsing ache from his side. People were staring at them, so they tried to move fast. However, Shiro couldn’t go too fast with his lack of skating experience, and he was slowed even further by his injuries.

Once off the ice, Shiro quickly returned his rentals and waited outside for Matt. The younger man emerged with his phone in hand, closing a call.     

“My dad will be here soon to get me, so you can go,” Matt explained, his eyes on the ground. “Sorry about today. We don’t have to go again.”

“What do you mean?” Shiro asked, genuinely confused.

Matt’s head flew up as he turned to look at Shiro, his expression lost.

“You fell quite a bit, and that last fall was pretty bad. Didn’t that bother you?” he questioned.

Shiro shook his head, then smiled as he lifted his hand to grab Matt’s shoulder.

“I had fun, really. I’d love to go again,” he assured.

Matt’s eyes widened in surprise, then his face split into a small grin. He nodded, and Shiro felt warmth flare in his chest despite the cold that lingered somewhat painfully in his right arm.

“Oh that’s him,” Matt said suddenly, glancing past Shiro and locking his eyes on an approaching vehicle. It slowed to a stop a safe distance away, and when Shiro turned to look, he was blinded by the light of the sunset and couldn’t see inside.

“I’ll text you later, Shiro!” Matt promised, jogging toward the car. He opened the door and got in, then Shiro smiled and turned to head for his own vehicle.

Despite the way his side ached, Shiro was happy. The day had been great, and he actually did have fun. He was looking forward to skating with Matt again, and hoped it would be sometime soon. In the meantime, he decided it might be a good idea to look up some tutorials.

-000-

The next day, in his aviation class, Shiro found himself fighting yawn after yawn. He hadn’t slept well the night before, and class that day was in the classroom. The students were studying rules and regulations from the federal aviation administration, all of them reading through enormous packets containing up-to-date information.

Unlike the other students, who had never flown a plane outside of class, Shiro was well versed in the rules and regulations. He always skimmed for new and updated rules when the class was tasked with looking them over, but he knew all of the other ones. That meant he spent the majority of the hour that they were given to read waiting for the next task.

“Stupid piece of…” Con muttered as he poked at the projector in the front of the room. It wasn’t working, and even the students had no idea what was going on or how to fix it. He’d extended the reading time by ten minutes when the timer went off and the projector was not in working order. With the extension reaching it’s end, he had made no progress.

The students were starting to get antsy as they waited for their instructors to get the next lesson started, but the class was nearing it’s end for the day.

“Well, I can have my son come take a look. He works at the IT Center, so he’ll be here in a few minutes. I can’t say we’ll have this up and running before we’re out of time, though,” Holt explained, sighing in defeat.

Con was silent for a moment, his eyes narrowed at the projector, then he finally gave in.

“Fine. Class dismissed, but bring notebooks for notes on Friday when this piece of junk is actually working,” the man ordered. The students all stood a little too quickly, leaving the room in a hurry as they hoped the projector wouldn’t randomly start working again before they made it out the door.

Shiro was the only student remaining less than a minute later, slowly putting his papers and notebook away. He finally let himself yawn as Holt stepped back into the room after calling his son, and the older man raised an eyebrow at him.

“Are you okay, Shiro?” he asked, returning to the projector in search of the issue causing the malfunction.

“Yes, sir. I just haven’t been sleeping well,” Shiro stated shortly. Holt nodded.

“Up all night texting?” he teased, making Shiro stiffen.

“Uh, kinda. I also have insomnia, so its difficult for me to fall asleep. Sometimes I’ll just stay up until I’m tired enough to pass out pretty quick,” he explained. “Though the texting is a more recent thing. It helps pass the time.”

Holt nodded. “I guess. Insomnia can be quite a hassle. Do you not take any medication?” he asked.

Shiro shook his head. “No, sir. A few years ago I was prescribed a lot of stuff, but I could never afford any of it, so I never took anything. My brother’s friend did bring me some melatonin once when his mom found out about my insomnia, but I ended up sleeping for nearly twenty hours and missed my shift at work. No one could get me to wake up, so I haven’t taken it since.”

“Oh. Well, I’m sorry to hear that,” Holt said with a pinch of pity, returning to his work.

Shiro finished packing his bag and got to his feet to leave just as Con’s phone began to ring. The instructor pulled it out and read the caller ID, which made him frown.

“I need to take this call. Shirogane, can you help out Commander Holt?” he asked, though he didn’t stay to wait for answer. Instead he stepped out of the room to take the call.

Setting his bag back on his desk, Shiro moved to stand next to Holt. He looked over the projector in search of anything that might have come loose, but he was completely lost when it came to technology. There was nothing wrong with it that he could see.

Shiro’s search for any visible problems was interrupted when the door to the classroom opened and Matt stepped in. He had a small tool bag in his hand, likely packed with equipment from the IT Center. When his eye met Shiro’s, he started to smile, but he froze when he saw Holt.

Shiro glanced back and forth between the two, then after a moment, his eyes widened and he stiffened. It hit him that Holt had said he was calling his son, and now Matt was there to fix the projector.

“Matt, you’re here,” Holt greeted, seeming oblivious to his son’s shock. “We’ve been looking for nearly twenty minutes but can’t tell why this isn’t working,” he explained, gesturing to the projector.

Matt didn’t move, still frozen at the door. Slowly, his shocked expression turned into a mixture of confusion and surprise. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead he just stared, pointing back and forth between Holt and Shiro.

“Is something wrong?” Holt asked, appearing genuinely confused. He took a step toward his son, concern building within him.

“You have him in your class?!?!” Matt asked loudly, gaping. Holt nodded, and Matt stared. “And you two talk?!” the IT student continued. Holt nodded again.

“Of course. Shiro is a great student with a genuine interest in aviation and a lot of talent. It’s difficult to find someone so dedicated and knowledgeable,” the man explained, gesturing to Shiro as he spoke. “Also, I’ve heard nothing but good things about him from you,” Holt added.

Shiro felt a bit embarrassed, though he knew what he felt did not even come close to comparing to Matt’s current struggle. The young man’s cheeks was so hot that Shiro swore he could feel the heat from across the room, and his entire face looked like it had been painted red.

“DAD!” Matt groaned, dropping his face into his hands.

“What? You two are good friends, aren’t you? There’s nothing wrong with talking about your friends,” Holt stated.

“Yeah, but not when you’re parents actually know the person!” Matt complained.

Holt paused. “Didn’t I tell you Shiro was one of my students?” he asked.

“NO!” Matt screeched, his voice cracking.

Holt turned to Shiro, who was looking between his instructor and friend awkwardly. “Didn’t I tell you Matt worked at the IT Center when I recommended it to you?” he questioned.

Shiro shook his head, not trusting his voice. He feared it would be very high-pitched if he spoke, as his own face had started going red as the conversation progressed.         

“Wow. I guess I forgot to mention that,” Holt said to himself. He shrugged, then smiled at Shiro.

“Anyway. Shiro, I’m Samuel Holt, Matt’s dad. You can just call me Sam if you’d like,” he offered, then he paused. “Well, maybe not during class. I don’t want the other students to think I’m playing favorites,” he said with a chuckle.

“Y-Yes, sir,” Shiro stuttered quietly, glancing shyly at the ground as if that would prevent the others from seeing how red his face had gone. Seeing Matt and Sam side by side, he was able to see the resemblance. However, he just couldn’t believe that he hadn’t picked up on the similar gestures between the two and the traces of Sam that were visible in Matt. For nearly three months he hadn’t suspected a thing, which left him feeling like an idiot. His only saving grace was that he only every spoke to Sam about things related to aviation and had never mentioned Matt. Unfortunately for Matt though, it seemed that the younger man could not say he had done the same.

“So, Shiro,” Sam began as Matt finally crossed the room to start working on the projector, “I hear you have a cat?” he asked.

Shiro nodded. “Yes, sir. Her name is Eurus.”

“Isn’t that a Greek god?” Sam questioned, his hand going to his chin as he thought.

“Yes, sir. It was windy when I found her, and I had just read a book with the Greek god Eurus in it. It just seemed fitting at the time,” Shiro explained.

“You found her?”

“She’d been abandoned in a dumpster nearby where I worked. I saw her trying to climb out when I passed by. One of her eyes and patches of her fur were missing, and she looked like she hadn’t eaten in days. I took her home with me, but I didn’t have any cat food or money to buy any, so I ended up giving her milk and some sliced meat. She would rarely let anyone near her for a few weeks, but I came home from work one day to find my brother sleeping on the couch with her asleep on his stomach. I’m not sure what changed her mind, but she was really friendly after that,” Shiro said.

“Ah. She must have taken a liking to your brother. Is he taking care of her while you’re in school?”

“No, actually. I have her with me in my dorm. My brother is usually either at school or work, so he wouldn’t have much time to take care of her. He also goes to his friend’s house a lot. Lance’s mom keeps an eye on him and make sure he’s eating and sleeping enough while I’m not around, or if he’s low on money for groceries. It takes a load off of me, since I don’t have to worry about him going hungry or being stuck by himself all the time. I don’t know what I’d do without her,” Shiro explained, smiling fondly as he thought Lance’s family.

The McClains were a big family packed in one house, but they always had room and a plate for one more. He could remember the day he’d gone to drop Keith off at Lance’s house during the break between the fall and spring semesters in his first year of college. He’d pulled out his wallet and taken out the last of his cash to give to Keith for lunch money, since their odd family situation barred Keith from free lunch despite their low income. Keith had refused it even though he’d run out days ago, and Shiro had to fight him to take it in front of Lance’s entire family. After Keith stormed off, followed by Lance and all his siblings, Shiro approached Lance’s parents and apologized for making a scene, thanking them for having Keith over. He then asked them to take the money Keith had refused and give it to him after Shiro himself had left, so then Keith wouldn’t be able to return it and would have no choice but to use it. Mrs. McClain had grabbed Shiro by the shoulders and told him to keep his money. She then looked him in the eye and spoke.

“Don’t worry about Keith while you’re away. We will take care of him. He will never go hungry, and he’ll always be welcome here. A friend of Lance’s is a friend of the whole family, and that includes both you and Keith.”

Since that day, Shiro had been far more at ease while he was in school. He trusted the McClains deeply, and would never be able to repay them for their kindness. Keith no longer survived on fast food and pasta off the discount shelf at the store. He was no longer unhealthily skinny when Shiro went home at the end of the semester, and he didn’t have to spend every minute of his time out of school at work. Keith no longer had to sit by himself watching reruns on the few basic channels they had on their television, and Shiro had been able to buy himself and Keith reliable smartphones instead of the flip phones they’d had before. The smartphones were the affordable ones that weren’t very fancy, but they worked well for the two of them.

“She sounds like a great person,” Sam remarked.

Shiro nodded. “She is.”

“Well, if you ever run into problems and need some help, feel free to talk to me about it. Matt seems to enjoy having you around, and a friend of his is a friend of the family,” Sam said with a friendly smile that Shiro couldn’t help but return.

It was those words that Shiro had heard twice now, a very meaningful sentence that warmed his heart and made him feel relaxed. A friend of their’s is a friend of the family. It was nice to know there were people he could count on, even when he never wanted to burden others with any problems he faced. He’d walk five miles in a snowstorm before he bothered the Holts because his car broke down, or his power went out.

A suddenly yelp of pain drew Shiro from his mind, and he whipped his head around to see Matt shaking out his right hand.

“Are you okay?” Sam asked worriedly, stepping toward Matt.

Matt waved his left hand dismissively, still shaking his right. “Yeah. I just got shocked when I pulled the wrong wire,” he explained, looking at his injured hand. He stopped shaking it, then bent his fingers a few times before deciding he was okay and getting back to the projector.

“Did you find the problem?” Shiro asked, approaching the projector and peeking over Matt’s shoulder at the mass of wires on the inside. It looked like a messy box full of noodles, and Shiro had no idea how Matt knew which wire did what.

“Yeah,” Matt said. “The electricity wasn’t getting to the bulb because the wire was bad. But-“ he pulled a wire out, dropped it on the floor next to him, then pulled a coil from his tool bag along with various other tools, ”that isn’t too difficult to replace.”

Shiro watched as Matt attached a new section of wire, effortless reattaching everything with practiced efficiency. Once he finished, he grabbed the panel he’d pulled off the top and reattached it, then hit the power switch. The projector came to life, good as new.

“Nicely done!” Sam congratulated, clapping Matt gently on the shoulder. Matt grinned, then started putting his tools away.

Shiro returned to his desk and shouldered his bag, preparing to head out and return to his dorm. However, he stopped when Sam called his name.

“I was going to take Matt out for lunch today, but you’re welcome to join us if you’d like. It’s not a movie, so I’m sure Matt won’t fall asleep on you again,” he joked. “He was pretty embarrassed about that when I picked him up.”

“DAD!!!” Matt screeched loudly, hanging his head as his face flushed for the twentieth time in the last ten minutes.

“That movie was pretty terrible. I’m surprised I didn’t fall asleep too,” Shiro said lightly in return, taking pity on Matt and attempting to make him feel less embarrassed. “But I think I’m good for today. I have to get back and feed Eurus.”

Sam nodded. “Alright. It was nice talking to you. Have a good day, Shiro,” he said, offering a hand.

Shiro returned the nod and shook Sam’s hand. “You too, sir. And it was nice to officially meet you.”

Shiro turned and headed for the door, though he stopped just as he pulled it open and turned his head to call out behind him. “See you later, Matt,” he said.

Matt waved shyly, his face buried in his free hand. The sight made Shiro smile, and he headed out the door with a dusting of pink on his cheeks.

Chapter Text

At the end of the week, Shiro returned to his dorm in the late evening. His mechanics class had stretched far past its usual hours, as midterms were approaching and the professor had stayed behind after class with the offer to help any students who wished to study and wanted more one-on-one time to discuss confusing or difficult topics. As someone who didn’t particularly excel in the field of mechanics, Shiro jumped on the opportunity. Few others did the same, leaving him with plenty of time to go over every piece of material he had questions about without preventing others from talking to the professor.

By the time Shiro had left his class, all the other students were long gone. Shiro and the professor had been the only ones in the room for nearly an entire hour, and while Shiro felt bad for keeping the professor so late, he was also very grateful for the help. His professor was a kind man, and Shiro felt quite comfortable in his presence. Without any classmates staring at him or whispering to each other in the background, Shiro was able to focus much more than usual. It made a huge difference, as Shiro was able to pick up the information he had previously struggled with far quicker than he did in a normal class session.

In his dorm, Shiro carelessly dropped his bag next to the door, walked to his bed, then flopped down on it face-first as a wave of exhaustion struck him. It had been a long week, partly due to the more intense pace within the classroom that professors always incorporated the week before midterms. Shiro had also spent a few late nights studying when he wasn’t doing homework or texting Matt, so he was more behind on sleep than usual.

As if the mental exhaustion wasn’t bad enough, he was suffering through a bit of physical pain as well. Just as expected, his fall while skating with Matt earlier in the week had taken its toll. His entire left side was smattered with bruises, painting his shoulder, hip, and knee a dark brown-purple color. His ribs had dots of green that trailed all the way down his side to his ankles, and there were a few bruises on his left arm where it had struck the ice while shielding Matt. Worst of all were the bruises on the side of his head, ones he could feel the tenderness of just by setting a gentle finger on it.

None of his injuries were anything a few light painkillers from the store couldn’t help, but they were still a bit of an inconvenience. They had affected his sleep because he couldn’t lay on his left side even when no other position was comfortable enough for him to drift off, and he’d winced a few time while moving heavy objects in his classes to the point that Con had stopped to ask if he was okay.

Without the energy to even kick off his shoes, Shiro contemplated simply letting sleep take him as he was. It was a Friday, meaning he didn’t have to worry about any homework yet, and he still had the next two days to study for his midterms on Monday. He didn’t have any plans for the night and didn’t intend to make any, seeing as it was almost 10pm. Eurus wasn’t begging for food, so she likely had enough to last until the morning.

Shiro was still deciding when he felt something in his pocket. At first he was unsure of what it was, though when he felt it again he recognized the source. With enormous effort, Shiro shifted slightly to the side in order to reach into his pocket and pull out his phone, turning his head a fraction so he could see the screen. In his notifications were texts from none other than Matt.

With a newfound rush of energy, Shiro propped himself up on his elbows and unlocked his phone to read the texts.

Matt: Hey are you still awake?

Matt: Cypress had me pick up her shift at the IT Center today so she’s gonna cover my shift tomorrow

Matt: So if you wanna hang out or study for midterms I’m free

Matt: Well I mean only if you want to

Matt: I just thought I’d ask

Shiro smiled, beginning to type.

Shiro: Sure

Shiro: When do you want to meet?

Matt responded almost instantly.

Matt: Idk

Matt: 1pm?

Shiro: Okay. That works

Matt: Cool

Matt: But where

Matt: I’d say you could come over but the house is currently in the aftermath of one of my sister’s over-the-top science projects

Matt: Her physics teacher loves her but honestly even he thinks she should dial it back a bit

Matt: Seriously I stepped on a screw she dropped in the hallway

Matt: If you thought Legos hurt

Matt: Man ive got news for you

Shiro: Where is best for you?

Matt: Idk

Matt: Somewhere at the university would be best

Shiro: Want to meet at the library?

Matt: Sure

Shiro. Okay. See you there

Shiro hit the power button and tossed his phone aside, then he dropped his face back into his pillow. A small smile crept across his face, and suddenly he didn’t feel quite as exhausted. His whole body felt lighter, as if that simple conversation had filled him with helium.

Rolling off his bed, Shiro got to his feet and walked through his dorm, checking Eurus’ food, water, and litter box, then picked up the backpack he had abandoned at the door to set out the binders full of homework and textbooks. He cleaned up the dorm a little, tossing dirty clothes that had been hurriedly abandoned on the floor into the hamper where they belonged. The small, careless messes he had made throughout his busy week were wiped away, and the dorm was organized again.

Once Shiro finished his sudden cleaning spree, he brushed his teeth and changed his clothes before returning to his bedroom. He shut off the light, dropped onto his newly-made bed, and picked up his now-charging phone. He clicked the power button and watched the screen come to life with a notification from his conversation with Matt.

Unlocking his phone, Shiro found a simple reply.

Matt: Yep ^-^

The clearly old-school emoji the tech student had typed out made Shiro let out a small snort of laughter. He felt the sudden urge to send a sarcastic reply, but stopped himself before his thumbs could tap out the message. Since when did he ever send unneeded replies? Since when did he send sarcastic texts at midnight? He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d done it, though he knew his high school-aged self had been enough of a snarky devil to say such a thing. Though that had been, what, seven years ago? Eight?

Suddenly Shiro felt lost and confused. He set his phone on the nightstand next to his bed and tossed his sheet over his body while settling in. His earlier exhaustion returned like a tsunami after the tide of lightness he’d felt earlier rushed away. His feet began to ache and his head throbbed uncomfortably while the bruises on his side pulsed with his heart.

Laying in bed in the darkness of his room, Shiro thought back over the course of the past three months. He started with his initial arrival at the university that semester, the first day of his third-year aviation class, and how unbelievably bland the memories seemed. Aviation had always made him feel happy, feel free, but it had been colorless. He may have been able to enjoy flying, but everything else? His day had been so… boring.

Once he reached his first visit to the IT Center, that awkward moment when Matt had walked in and caught him staring hopelessly at the bell, he found himself with the ghost of a smile on his lips. The smile returned with every memory of returning to the IT Center, of meeting up with Matt for lunch or to just talk. By the time he reached the present day, the moment when he’d looked at the text from Matt and snorted aloud, his smile had grown into a dumb grin. It confused him, and it made him think. Why? They were friends, yes, but how had Matt impacted him so greatly? How had he not noticed how much Matt had changed him? How did he not see the way color had started to seep into his life, genuine smiles cracking his weary face, warmth bringing his cold heart back to life, laughter and words coming to him so easily? How had he been so blind to it all? After years of isolation, he had forgotten what it was all like, to the point that he never recognized the bits and piece of happiness as they came back to him one by one.

Caught between wanting to slap himself or sighing aloud, Shiro turned over to lay on his stomach. He buried his face in his pillow and closed his eyes, surrendering to the oblivion of sleep that had begun to take hold. When Eurus jumped up onto the bed and curled up on his back, he didn’t move, not even when she slipped and scratched him. Shiro was too busy thinking, thoughts of a friend he had grown to value so greatly, a friend who had saved him without him even noticing, morphing into dreams. Perhaps Shiro would have noticed how those, too, had started to fill with color, if only he remembered them when he woke. Perhaps he would have noticed the warm brown that had infiltrated the deepest parts of his mind, calming him as its gentle aura kept the nightmares that had once plagued him frequently at bay.

-000-

The next day, Shiro was running late.

Five minutes before 1pm, he was bolting out of his dorm. He’d completely lost track of time doing homework, and he just happened to notice the time on his phone when he knocked the device off of its resting place on his leg. When he realized he was supposed to meet Matt at the campus library that was a ten minute walk from his dorm in five minutes, he’d jumped up and ran the length of his dorm in mere steps. He didn’t even stop to grab his backpack, reaching down to snatch up one of the straps without slowing. He only cast a backwards glance to double-check Eurus, who hesitated in the doorway to the room with her things as she stared at Shiro.

As athletic as Shiro was, he didn’t think he’d make it to the library on time, though he didn’t dare slow in order to send a text. He knew Matt would understand once he got there, and didn’t want to make the other student wait any longer than needed.

Somehow, Shiro stepped over the threshold of the library exactly at 1pm. He was breathing a bit roughly, but thankfully he hadn’t broken a sweat in the cool air of an overcast late October day. All he had to do to compose himself was take a few measured breaths as he wandered further into the main lobby of the library and scanned the crowd for a familiar head of sandy brown hair.

“Shiro!”

Shiro’s head snapped to the side when he heard someone hiss his name over the quite murmurs of the other students. He found Matt standing against the wall, his bag hanging off his shoulders as he slumped casually against a concrete pillar with his phone in hand. The IT student pocketed the device and pushed away from the wall as Shiro approached, a friendly smile on his face.

“Hey, sorry, I was running a little late,” Shiro apologized, rubbing the back of his neck a bit sheepishly.

Matt shook his head. “It’s fine. I got here barely a minute before you,” he assured, allowing Shiro a slight wave of relief with the knowledge that he hadn’t been waiting long.

The pair looked out at the room around them, Shiro taking advantage of his height to look down the rows of books at the table scattered throughout the shelves. Every single one appeared to be full.

“I think everyone else had the same idea for studying today. I don’t think we’ll be able to find a table,” Matt commented.

Shiro nodded. “Yeah. As far as I can see, even the tables back in the stacks are all full.”

Matt stepped in front of Shiro and rose onto his toes, taking a look for himself in case Shiro had missed any open tables. When he found none, he sighed and dropped back down, shoulders slouched.

“Maybe we could study outside?” Shiro recommended, peaking out the window. It was a little windy and a bit overcast, but the temperature wasn’t uncomfortably low.

Unfortunately, just after Shiro spoke, the pair heard the telltale sound of raindrops on the roof of the library. They came softly at first, but quickly turned into a thundering downpour that echoed through the library.

“I guess that’s a no,” Matt commented, staring out the window.

The two stood in silence, thinking. The cafeteria was open, but it would be crowded and loud, and they’d get too many dirty looks if they lingered to look over their books after eating. Another option was a coffee shop down the road, but they’d have to drive there, and it was likely the place would also be bustling with students craving pumpkin spice lattes as they poured over their school work.

After a few moments of contemplation, an idea came to Shiro, but he wasn’t too sure about it. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the idea of inviting Matt into his personal space, but it was rapidly becoming clear that they didn’t have many other options.

“I mean, we could, uh, study in my dorm if you want. You could meet Eurus, too,” Shiro offered awkwardly, his words stumbling over his tongue. He rubbed at the back of his neck as he spoke, looking anywhere but at Matt. “It’s about a ten minute walk away, though, so we’d have to wait until the rain lets up,” he added.

Matt raised a finger, signaling Shiro to wait as he shrugged off his bag, set it on the floor, and opened it. The IT student rummaged through the binders, textbooks, and loose papers until he pulled out a plain black umbrella.

“I remembered my mom kept insisting that I bring the umbrella. I told her I wouldn’t need it because we’d be inside, but she thought it would rain and didn’t want me to get soaked while walking to the library,” Matt explained, zipping up his bag and slinging it back onto his shoulders.

The pair headed for he door, Matt unwrapping the Velcro strap that held his umbrella shut as they walked. They stepped outside and were blasted with a gust of cold, misty wind. Even under the shelter of the overhang above the door they were not safe from the rain, and the wind had caused the temperature to drop to an uncomfortable chill that slipped straight through the sleeves of Shiro’s shirt.

Matt opened up the umbrella, which unfortunately wasn’t too large, then looked at Shiro. With their height difference, he’d have to hold the handle at shoulder height to make sure the bars of the frame wouldn’t scrape Shiro’s head.

Deciding he didn’t want to risk it, Matt offered the umbrella up for Shiro to hold, but the older and held up a hand.

“It’s not very big, and I don’t want you to get wet. Go ahead and use it. I’ll just change my clothes when we get to my dorm,” he said.

Matt shook his head. “That won’t do much to keep you from getting a cold, though. And your bag will get wet. Go ahead and hold it so I don’t smack your head with it, and I’ll just stick close so I don’t get rained on,” he insisted.

Shiro paused, looking at Matt for a moment. The younger student had his face set in a stubborn look, and Shiro could tell that Matt wouldn’t back down.

Giving up, Shiro took the umbrella and held it in his left hand so it covered him and Matt both. He tried to hold it as low as he could, and shifted it to the side to insure that Matt would be completely covered even though stray rain drops began to attack his right arm and shoulder. The two began walking, moving slowly and awkwardly at first until they managed to sync up their steps. Shiro slowed for the sake of Matt, who took a step and a half to cover the distance that Shiro did in one stride.

Once they were finally able to walk at an almost-normal pace, Shiro nudging Matt to signal him to turn, the pair made their way to Shiro’s dorm, both of them pretending not to notice the way their arms brushed with every step.

Chapter Text

After nearly fifteen minutes, the pair finally reached Shiro’s dorm building. They stopped at the bottom of the stairs that led to the top floor, which were wide enough to accommodate them both even when they walked side by side, but would prove rather awkward to climb in sync.

Quickly deciding against trying to waddle slowly up the stairs in an attempt to keep them both under the umbrella, Shiro dropped the handle in Matt’s hand and jogged up the stairs until he was under the overhang on the top floor. Matt followed after him a moment later, umbrella bobbing as he walked.

Shiro led Matt to his door, then stuck the key in the lock and wrestled it open as Matt shook the rain droplets from his umbrella. Swinging the door open, Shiro nodded for Matt to go in, then shut the door behind the two of them.

Shiro immediately slipped off his shoes and left them by the door, knocking the dirt off on the mat. He then took a few steps into the room, only to remember that he had a guest. He quickly turned back to see Matt sliding off his shoes just as Shiro had done and leaving them nearby. The IT student then started to close his umbrella, moving to wrap it back up before Shiro stopped him.

“You’ll ruin it if you don’t let it dry out before you close it. Here, I’ll let it dry out in the shower in case it drips,” the aviation student offered, holding out a hand.

Matt nodded and handed over the umbrella, earning a small smile from Shiro.

“I don’t really have a proper table, so I usually just use my notebooks when I need something solid to write on,” Shiro explained as he waved Matt over to his room. The pair walked in and Shiro gestured loosely at the small area. “There really isn’t too many places to sit, but go ahead to wherever is most comfortable. I gotta hang the umbrella up, and I need to get a different shirt. My sleeve got pretty wet on the walk over,” he said.

Matt turned to look at Shiro and frowned. “Why didn’t you stay under the umbrella? You might catch a cold doing that,” he scolded.

“I just wanted to make sure you didn’t get rained on. Since we were headed back here, I figured it would be better if I got rained on a little bit since I could just change my clothes once we got here,” Shiro explained, shrugging.

Matt sighed. “Next time, stay under the umbrella. We can walk a little closer together if we need to, even if it slows us down. It’s better to stay dry and walk longer than to get drenched just to speed up the pace a little,” he said.

Shiro nodded, smiling slightly at Matt. His smile was returned, then Shiro dropped his bag on the floor and went to grab a different shirt to change into and a new pair of gloves that weren’t damp.

Balled-up clothes in one hand and umbrella in the other, Shiro headed to the bathroom. He made sure the door was locked before he got to work setting up the umbrella so it could properly dry in the small shower. He then pulled off his half-soaked shirt and tossed it into the bathroom hamper to be dealt with later. He did the same with his gloves, then pulled on his fresh, dry clothes.

Before leaving the bathroom, Shiro looked over his clothing to make sure everything was covered. Only once he was certain that every part of his right arm was properly covered, and after double checking to make sure no tips of scars were poking out of his collar, Shiro finally unlocked the door and stepped out.

Returning to his room, Shiro half-expected to find Matt still awkwardly standing in the middle of the room, fiddling with the straps of his backpack while scrolling on his phone. However, he was surprised to find something much different.

Matt lay on the floor, a small grin on his face and his glasses askew as he pet Eurus, who stood on his chest and rubbed her face against his glasses in search of his undivided attention.

“It looks like Eurus must have introduced herself,” Shiro said with a chuckle as he walked in, his arms crossed and a smile on his face as he stared down at his two friends.

Matt glanced up at Shiro, his face going red as a fit of laughter escaped him. He scratched Eurus’ chin and head, then ran a hand over the smooth fur of her back. The cat purred loudly in response, then flopped down contentedly on Matt’s chest.

“Well, I guess I’m stuck here now,” Matt joked, continuing to pet Eurus. “I have been reduced to a chair.”

“Yeah, good luck getting her to move. Once she gets comfortable, it’s all over it,” Shiro said.

A smile still stuck on his face, Shiro dropped down onto the floor and grabbed his backpack. Shifting to sit cross-legged, he opened his bag and started digging out homework, notes, and textbooks. He set all his things at his side, then shoved away his bag to clear up space.

Once Shiro had all of his things set out in stacks organized by class, he looked over at Matt to find the younger man still petting Eurus. He looked just about as content as the cat, though Shiro took notice when Matt glanced at his own bag, which had been abandoned a few feet away. Matt’s current inner turmoil was something Shiro understood well, as he too preferred the idea of petting Eurus for hours instead of doing homework. However, it was important that they get their work done and study the material, especially with midterms coming up.

“Do you want me to move her?” Shiro asked, nodding toward Eurus as he took pity on Matt.

Before the IT student could answer, Eurus suddenly rolled over and flopped down directly onto his face.

For a moment, Shiro was stunned. He was silent, his mouth hanging open slightly as he stared dumbly at the sight of Matthew Holt slowly suffocating beneath the fur of a very comfortable cat. He then hurried and leaned forward, reaching over to grab Eurus and quickly pull her away from Matt’s face while sighing his cat’s name aloud.

“Eurus!”

Matt burst out laughing as Shiro set Eurus down, only to be silenced when Eurus instantly jumped back onto him, flopping down on his face once more.

Shiro reached over and grabbed Eurus again, this time holding on to her as Matt chuckled again and sat up, fixing the glasses that Eurus had knocked off his face completely. With Matt safely upright, Shiro released his cat once again, only to reach for her once more as she took off towards Matt. Unfortunately he missed, and Matt ended up with a lap full of cat.

Shiro looked up at Matt, expecting him to be annoyed that Eurus wouldn’t leave him alone as she rubbed her head against his knee and pushed away one of his folders in search of attention. However, he was surprised to find Matt smiling, happily petting Eurus and scratching under her ears.

“It must be hard to get anything done if she likes attention this much,” Matt stated with his lips still pulled into a content smile, scratching Eurus’ back.

Shiro’s shoulders relaxed as a ghost of a smile touched his face.

“Actually, she’s usually a lot calmer than this. She must just really like you,” Shiro said. “Then again, people always say animals are good judges of character, so I’m not surprised,” he added without thinking, only to tense up again and mentally slap himself.

Matt looked up suddenly, his face appearing almost blank, if only slightly shocked. It made Shiro want to walk outside and into oncoming traffic. Sure, he did think Matt was a really great person, but he also knew that saying that out loud was not something people were supposed to do. With his old friends from high school, saying anything like that would have led to an awkward silence, not that Shiro had honestly believed any of them were really great people.

“Well then it makes sense why she likes you enough to stick around,” Matt replied after a moment, the smile returning to his face.

Shiro was stunned, to say the least. Never had he seen himself that way, as a ‘good’ person. There was a lot in his life he felt guilty about: people he hurt, people he couldn’t protect, not being there for Keith for so long and allowing their circumstances to make him grow up too fast. He saw little in himself to be respected, to be appreciated, but here Matt was, saying he was a good person. Someone who shone like the sun, bright, gentle, and kind, not only considering Shiro a friend, but also thinking he was a good person. It warmed Shiro’s heart, but also turned his gut to stone. Matt’s words were a small flame within Shiro’s cold interior, but it was quickly extinguished by the blizzard that raged within. Matt thought he was ‘good,’ but Matt also didn’t know much about Shiro. He didn’t know what he’d done, what he’d been through, and there was no telling what Matt would think of him if he ever found out; when he found out. Shiro couldn’t keep secrets from this young man, and that was rapidly becoming apparent. He had found someone he trusted after years of loneliness, someone who made him feel like there was still good in the world despite all the bad he’d experienced. Already words poured from his mouth without him thinking, all before he could stop them. He felt too comfortable around his friend, too safe, and one day the things he never spoke of would slip out whether he wanted them to or not.

“Nah, she stays because I buy her the fancy cat food she likes. If I were to switch it she’d probably follow you home,” Shiro joked quickly, hurrying to move the conversation on before it stalled completely along with his ability to form coherent sentences. He picked up his English folder and pulled out a list of fallacies he had to memorize. “But if she did that then I’d only have myself to complain to when I fail my test on logical fallacies,” he joked again, smoothly changing the topic.

Matt chuckled and leaned forward, causing Eurus to abandon his lap before she fell on the floor. She finally decided to give up and allow the two to get to work, trotting over to the bed and jumping up onto it for a nap. Matt looked at the sheet in Shiro’s hand, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, I had to do those in high school. It’s a lot easier to remember them if you use alternative names and not just the fancy ones,” he said, motioning for the paper. Shiro handed it over, and Matt grabbed a pencil from his bag. He went down the page, writing little notes next to each fallacy before handing it back. When Shiro looked over it, he was surprised to find that the alternative names Matt had written down might actually be very helpful.

“How did you come up with these?” Shiro asked, looking between Matt and the paper with mild surprise.

“The girl who sat next to me in class came up with them, and she lent me a list of them because she noticed that I kept mixing the terms up. Basically she came up with names that kinda summed up the definition of each one, so then you just memorize the actual name and the alternative name. When you have to define them you just explain the alternative name, which was chosen to be self-explanatory,” Matt explained.

Shiro nodded. “Well, that shaved a good two hours off my study time. I’m guessing you probably don’t have another list for parts of a car’s interior,” he said.

Matt shook his head. “Nope. I do have a list of calculus formulas if you want something else to memorize, though,” he offered.

“Nope. I barely survived algebra. If I so much as look at anything more difficult that, my brain is going to explode,” Shiro complained, grimacing.

Matt smirked, then suddenly whipped a folder out of his backpack, flung it opened, and held it out, screeching, “begone, THOT!”

Familiar with the meme, as someone who knew Lance McClain, Shiro theatrically fell backwards onto the floor. He wasn’t sure if there was a proper response, but that was Lance’s second most common reaction behind saying ‘bold of you to assume I’m a thot.”

Sitting back up, Shiro caught a glimpse of the sheet in Matt’s folder and stopped. He leaned forward and squinted, looking at all the numbers and symbols with his face contorted in disgust.

“Wait, is that even English? It looks like ancient Greek,” he stated, looking closer. The numbers, which he actually could read, might as well have been another language as well. He couldn’t even follow how Matt got one answer from the last as he simplified equations.

“The symbols are Leibniz notation.”

Shiro stared. “What the actual hell is a Leibniz.”

“He’s the guy who fought with Newton over notation because they both had their own style. But Newton’s was too crazy, so everyone prefers Leibniz’s,” Matt explained.

Shiro’s blank stare didn’t change, causing Matt to chuckle.

“Don’t worry about it. If you ever need to understand it, just call me,” the IT student offered, shaking his head.

Shiro nodded. “If you don’t pick up I will literally go kidnap you from wherever you are.”

“Hmm. Let’s hope I’m not home, or my sister will send the dog after you,” Matt warned. He then stopped, contemplated, then added, “She’ll probably go after you too.”

“Good to know. Just gotta fend of the dog and the sister, then be okay with your dad failing me in my aviation class.”

“That too,” Matt agreed. “Speaking of, you better not fail the midterm, or my dad is gonna start following me whenever we meet up so he can quiz you on anything and everything he can think of.”

Shiro laughed nervously, partly because he knew it was something Sam might actually do. “Yeah, let’s avoid that.”

The two laughed quietly, then finally settled into their work. Matt pulled up some music on his phone and played it quietly to fill the silence as the two of them worked. For hours, they went through their worksheet and notes, asking each other occasional questions and taking a few breaks. They didn’t even notice the time pass by until Matt’s phone rang with a call from his dad asking if they were finished for the night.

“It’s what!?” he squeaked, ripping his phone away from his ear to check the time. It was just past 8pm, and they had gotten to Shiro’s dorm just before 1:30pm. Time had flown by despite the fact that they were doing schoolwork, which wasn’t exactly something they deemed fun.

When Matt hung up, saying his dad would soon be there get him, the two started to pack up. Shiro put all his things back into his backpack so they wouldn’t be lost, bar his mechanics diagrams that he left on his nightstand to study later. When they finished, they played with Eurus and got into a discussion about why Loki should get his own solo movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

“He’s so much better than Thor. Like, Thor is all brute strength and lightning, but Loki’s illusions and his slippery fighting style are so powerful,” Matt groaned.

“There’s so much we don’t know about him, too. Like, we know he’s done a lot, but we never see when he does it or how he does it. Like, when he fakes his deaths, where does he hide? How does he get his real self away from the fight? He’s got to be close by so he can control his illusion to fit the situation. So then, like, when does he escape? Is he an illusion from the beginning, or just a split second beforehand? There’s so much potential in his character. We need a movie about him,” Shiro stressed.

Matt sighed. “More like an entire series of movies. Captain America got three movies for being Mr. ‘Justice-is-life-hey-no-swearing’. Loki should get like, ten.”

Shiro was trying to think of more reasons to argue when Matt’s phoned vibrated, signaling a text from Sam.

“Oh, my dad’s here,” the younger man said, scrolling through the conversation.

Shiro walked with Matt to the door, then out onto the deck that served as a hallway. He walked with him all the way to the bottom of the stairs and over to where Sam was parked, the two still talking about Loki. They only stopped once they were just feet from the car, Sam visible through the windshield.

“I guess I’ll see you later, at some point,” Shiro said. He wasn’t quite sure when, but he was already looking forward to it.

“Actually, I think the college is doing a Halloween party in the library tomorrow. My dad was telling me I should go, so if you think you might be interested, just text me,” Matt offered. “It’s just gonna be junk food and Halloween music, since the school is putting it on, but Cypress said it was fun last year. Costumes aren’t required, either, so you wouldn’t need to worry about that.”

Shiro nodded. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll see about it.”

Matt smiled, his voice cheerful as it betrayed his excitement. “Alright. See you later, Shiro!”

With that, Matt got into the car, and Shiro gave both him and Sam a wave before returning to his dorm with a goofy grin on his face that refused to fade even as he picked up his mechanics folder to start studying again.

Chapter Text

Shiro couldn’t believe himself as he slowed to a stop in front of the university library Saturday night, phone in hand as he awaited a text from Matt. He was already stressing over midterms, and now his shoulders were tensed up to the point that it was painful as he watched the never-ending flow of students into the building. It was already crowded outside, and inside would be much, much worse. The only think keeping him from turning back was the excitement Matt had shown after Shiro finally agreed to go. However, even that was a waning force as his confidence wavered. It had been a long time since he had been around so many people at once, the party clearly much more crowded than the theater he’d recently gone to with Matt. Every fiber of his body was screaming at him to turn around and walk back to his dorm.

A vibration against Shiro’s hand signaled a text, and he opened it to read the new message from Matt.

Matt: Im just getting dropped off rn

Matt: Ill be there in a few secs

Matt: I think I see you

Looking up, Shiro scanned the crowd until his eyes met Matt’s and kept his gaze on the other student until Matt reached him.

“Hey,” Matt greeted, a smile already on his face even though they weren’t even inside yet. “I’m glad you decided to come.”

Shiro nodded. “I need a break from studying, anyway, so why not?” he questioned aloud, though his voice was tight, betraying his discomfort as he eyed the crowd.

Matt was quick to notice Shiro’s tension, and he frowned slightly.

“Will you be okay? Cypress said the crowd is mostly where the music is, and the table with the food gets busy sometimes, but towards the outside there’s more breathing room. Still, if you don’t want to go in, we don’t have to,” he offered, eyebrows furrowed in concern.

Shiro felt warmth in his chest as Matt said “we” rather than “you.” It made him feel a little bit lighter with the implication that Matt wanted to not only be at the party, but also to be there with him. The way he spoke told Shiro that, if he wanted to leave, Matt wouldn’t just wave goodbye and find someone else he knows. It told him that, if he left, Matt would go with him.

“I don’t like crowds, but I think I’ll be okay if we just stick to the corners kind of away from everything,” Shiro decided, taking a breath. He smiled down at Matt to show his friend that he was sure about his decision, and upon receiving confirmation, Matt nodded towards the building.

The pair headed in, wading uncomfortably through the throngs of people streaming in through the library doors. Shiro felt claustrophobic as they passed through the doorway, and he flinched when someone bumped his right arm, but it ended as quickly as it started. The other students dispersed throughout the room, and Shiro followed Matt as the younger man broke away from the rest of the people and headed towards an unoccupied bench against the wall.

Shiro let out a deep breath as they sat down, some tension seeping out of his muscles now that there were fewer people nearby. All the noise and the colored lights blinking and shining on the other side of the large lobby was sensory overload for Shiro, but it was made easier as Matt picked up their conversation about Loki from the day before.

“Why can’t they give us more content with his shapeshifting? There was only, like, one time when we saw him shapeshift. It’s so cool though? I mean, we keep hearing Thor talk about how Loki used to turn into a snake so Thor would pick him up, only to change back into himself and stab Thor, but we’ve never seen that happen. I would sell my soul to Marvel just see that,” Matt rambled, gesturing wildly with his hands as he spoke.

“How would they do that, though? What if Chris Hemsworth dropped Tom Hiddleston?” Shiro questioned, cocking his head to the side in confusion.

Matt stared at Shiro in silence for a moment, leveling him with a rather disappointed look.

“Dude,” Matt started, his tone dripping with disbelief. “He’s Thor. Have you seen that guys arms? He’s like, as buff as you. He can like, bench a car.”

“I think a car is a bit much,” Shiro pointed out, though Matt only shrugged.

“You never know.”

Shiro blinked, not very sure about where to go from there. Thankfully, he didn’t have to figure it out, because Matt had already started again.

“Anyway, Tom Hiddleston is a twig. Picking him up would be like picking up a piece of cardboard,” Matt stated, then added, “for Hemsworth, at least.”

“Picking you up would be like picking up a piece of cardboard. Tom Hiddleston is probably heavier than he looks,” Shiro argued. “He’s probably taller than me.”

It took a moment for Shiro to realize what he’d said, and he blinked and glanced at Matt’s expression out of fear that he might have offended his friend.

To Shiro’s relief, Matt didn’t appear offended at all. Instead, the IT student shrugged and nodded. “Fair point,” he admitted. “But I still think they could handle it.”

By that point, Shiro didn’t have much else to say on the topic. He tried to think of a way to continue, but the loss of flow in the conversation made it difficult, and it tore down the wall that his mind had built up to distract him from his chaotic surroundings. The lights and sounds all came crashing down on him, and he stiffened. His breath picked up, and he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees as he tried to slow his breathing and calm his anxiety.

“Shiro?” Matt’s voice cut through the noise, drawing Shiro’s attention. Matt’s hand hovered in the air as he looked at Shiro with concern. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Shiro nodded, taking a deep breath before sitting back up.

“Sorry. The noise got to me for a second,” he said, telling half of a truth. While the noise was getting to him, overwhelming his mind, the flashing lights across the room and the sheer number of people were both crushing. It made him want to walk out as fast as he could, but he was still having a good time and didn’t really want to go back to his dorm yet.

“Have you heard of vines?” Matt asked suddenly, his expression blank. The question caught Shiro off-guard, and he momentarily forgot about the crowded room again.

Shiro stared at Matt dumbly, completely lost. He’d heard Lance mention ‘vines’ before, though he had no idea what they were. All he knew was that, when Matt said ‘vines’ he wasn’t talking about the plant.

Matt whipped his phone out of his pocket, turning it on and pulling up YouTube.  He typed something into the search bar, then clicked the first result before handing the phone to Shiro, who took it hesitantly.

The first thing Shiro heard when the video began was a scream, followed by, “Stop! I could’ve dropped my croissant!” His gaze flicked momentarily to the title of the video, which was unsurprisingly ‘vines that butter my croissant’.

Confused, Shiro looked over at Matt with a raised eyebrow in search of context, but the younger man was smirking, his eyes glued to the screen. Aware that no answers would come, Shiro returned to watching the video.

“Why did Jared never learn how to read?” Shiro asked under his breath almost three minutes in, though he was heard by Matt, who looked up at Shiro is disbelief before breaking down into a fit of giggles that made Shiro tilt his head in confusion. “How did he know he spelled any of the words on the screen right if he can’t read it?”

Matt only snorted at Shiro’s second question, doubling over so quickly that he almost fell off the bench as he gasped for air. It took him a solid minute to regain his composure enough to speak, wiping tears from his eyes. “It’s… It’s a joke, Shiro. He can read, it’s just meant to be funny,” the IT student explained, though Shiro’s confusion only grew. “Okay, just, uh, watch the rest of this. There are some really fun ones even you will understand,” Matt assured.

Seven minutes later when the video ended, Shiro had yet to understand a single one of these ‘vines’ things. What did Kyle do? How did that girl spill lipstick in her mom’s bag? Wasn’t lipstick a, well, stick? Why did little kids swear so much? Even Keith didn’t swear until he was fourteen, and he’d always been a little bit of a delinquent.

“I don’t get it,” Shiro stated as he handed the phone back, causing Matt to sigh.

“One day, Shiro. One day, you’ll understand,” the younger man promised, putting his phone away.

Shiro frowned. “But what did Kyle do?”

Matt deadpanned, pulling his phone back out of his pocket and holding it up.

“Say that again,” he ordered, making Shiro tilt his head in confusion for the twentieth time in the last ten minutes.

“What did Kyle do?” he asked again hesitantly, unaware of what was happening.

Matt chuckled, tapping his phone screen a few times before returning the device to his pocket. “My sister is gonna die when she sees that. Your responses to vines and memes could be vines and memes themselves.”

Unsure of what Matt meant, Shiro decided not to ask. He was already confused, and didn’t think he’d be able to understand what Matt meant any time soon.

“Anyway, do you want any food? I’m hungry, and since it’s really crowded over there, I’ll get something for you so you don’t have to go,” Matt offered, nodding his head toward a distant table surrounded by people. The sight alone was enough to make Shiro nauseous, having once again forgotten about the crowd as he watched the ‘vines’ on Matt’s phones.

When Shiro didn’t respond, Matt stood. “I’ll grab you some pizza. Be right back,” he promised, before heading straight for the crowd.

Shiro felt a pang of guilt as he watched Matt worm his way into the crowd, quickly disappearing from sight. He didn’t like asking other people to do things for him, and even though he was hungry and Matt was going over to the table anyway, he still felt bad. He had a slight frown as he waited, scanning the edge of the crowd until Matt came into view once again just a minute later, two paper plates full of food in hand.

Upon reaching the bench, Matt handed one plate containing two slices of pizza and a chocolate chip cookie to Shiro, receiving a thankful nod in response. He then sat down with his own plate, picking up a brownie and biting off half of it at once.

Shiro raised his eyebrows in surprise at Matt’s choice of food, which appeared to be one slice of pizza and enough sweets to cause a cavity in seconds.

Matt caught Shiro staring and shrugged, swallowing the remainder of his brownie. “I like sugary stuff, Mr. Protein Shake,” he defended, hunching over his plate protectively.

A small smile crept onto Shiro’s face as Matt nearly inhaled a cookie, then he shook his head and picked up one of his pizza slices. “Remind me to keep you away from the candy before you put yourself into a sugar-induced coma,” he joked.

Matt’s head snapped to the side, his mouth full of cookie. “WhEF,” he hissed, eyes wide as a few crumbs flew from his mouth. He hurriedly swallowed, then repeated himself more clearly. “WheRE.”

Shiro nodded towards a person near the door who had a bag of candy that they were giving out to people who entered the building.

“They’re only giving out one piece per person,” Matt complained quietly, frowning. He then shrugged. “I’ll just steal some of what my parents bought for trick-or treaters. They won’t care if they don’t know I did it,” he claimed smugly, an evil smile on his face that made Shiro let out an amused breath through his nose.

The two continued eating, their eyes wandering until some excited shouts drew their attention towards the middle of the room. It was hard to see, but two guys had started dancing to the current song, one that Shiro didn’t recognize. The dancing was actually quite impressive, one of the guys actually doing a backflip at one point. The spirit became contagious when the song switched to the macarena, and people began to stand up and dance, half of the room soon dancing along. Even Matt set down his plate on the bench and jumped up to start dancing, smiling at Shiro, who remained seated, while exaggerating the movements sloppily until Shiro chuckled.

When the song came to an end, the crowd quit dancing, and Matt sat back down on the bench. He wolfed down another brownie, a grin still on his face while he looked over at Shiro. The older man’s cheeks were tinted red from his earlier laughter, and the sight made Matt’s smile grow wider, as he had noticed how tense Shiro had been since they arrived and felt bad that his friend was staying for his sake despite his own suffering.

The pair finished their food, launching into a conversation about music. They argued back and forth about what artists were best until Matt brought up My Chemical Romance, causing Shiro to dive into a story about how his younger brother’s friend Lance had cried once when Keith convinced an oblivious Shiro to play the band’s infamous ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ on his phone in front of him. Shiro was sure to mention that he had noticed Keith’s shoulders sag during the song, as Keith had listened to the band for quite a few years and was suffering just as Lance had.

“Oh my god, that reminds me. One time, my sister got really pissed off at this kid in her class whole kept being really rude to a substitute teacher who was super lost on how to run class, and the kid was like, the biggest MCR fan ever. So during their music class when the teacher asked for help to move the piano, she volunteered herself and recommended that the teacher ask that rude kid to help since he was pretty strong. Then, when the teacher got the class to quiet down while she and that kid were moving the piano, she G-noted him,” Matt explained, giggling to himself.

“No,” Shiro gasped, looking at Matt is disbelief. He was well aware of what it meant to ‘G-note’ someone, a concept he had learned one day when he was called into Keith’s school because Keith had once again gotten into a fight with Lance. The first thing Keith yelled was that Lance had ‘G-noted’ him, earning nothing but confused looks from both the school staff members in the room and Shiro until he explained what it meant. After learning that Lance had sneakily played the first note of ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ just to spite Keith after an argument, Shiro simply sighed and apologized to the school principal before promising to talk to Keith about the issue and leaving.

“Yeah. The kid completely freaked. He yelled at her and smashed the piano keys so hard that one broke, so his parents had to pay for the damage. He tried to defend himself by telling the teacher and principal that she ‘G-noted’ him, but she played dumb and said she was just trying to move the piano and accidently hit one of the keys. She gets in trouble for hacking stuff and the occasional mild fight, so I was surprised that they didn’t really suspect her. I guess no one was aware that she had any reason to be mad at the kid, though, and since they didn’t understand what ‘G-noting’ was, she completely got away with it,” Matt finished.

“I have the feeling your sister and my brother would get along a little too well,” Shiro observed, shaking his head. “Though Keith is probably a bit older. Your sister is, what? Fifteen?”

“Yeah, Pidge is fifteen,” Matt confirmed.

Shiro nodded. “Keith just turned eighteen not too long ago, so it’s a three year difference. Maybe they’d get along still,” he guessed.

“Pidge either acts like she’s twelve or twenty, and there’s no in-between, so I think they’d probably be fine,” Matt reasoned. “Besides, you’re a couple years older than me, too, aren’t you?”

Shiro paused, hit with a realization. Had he ever actually asked Matt’s age? He knew that, when he had first seen him in the IT Center, he had thought that Matt was a high school student rather than a college student since he looked so young. However, the thought hadn’t crossed his mind since.

“You’re….?” Shiro prompted, slight hesitance in his voice.

“Nineteen. I’ll be twenty in December,” Matt stated, making Shiro choke on the remainder of his pizza, which he had just eaten.

After Shiro stopped coughing, Matt tilted his head to the side and frowned. “Is something wrong? I mean, I’m younger than many second year students. You’re in your third year, so I already assumed I’m probably younger than you,” he explained.

“No, no, there’s nothing wrong with that,” Shiro assured, waving his hands defensively. “Besides, I actually thought you were in high school when I first saw you at the IT Center, because you look really young,” he admitted, causing Matt to raise an eyebrow. It made Shiro want to backpedal, but before he could open his mouth, Matt smiled.

“Actually, when I first walked into my computer science class in my first year, Rift thought I was someone’s kid. I had to show him my ID before he believed I was actually a student,” the younger man revealed. “He felt really bad after.”

Shiro nodded, his gaze wandering to the floor.

“….” he mumbled something inaudible over the music in the air and the people talking around them. Even though they were in a quieter area where they didn’t need to raise their voices to speak to each other, a mumble that would be difficult to hear in an empty room was drowned completely out by all the other sounds.

Matt looked at Shiro with confusion, aware that the older man had spoken, but unsure of what he said.

“I’m… twenty-five,” Shiro said a bit louder, his shoulders hunched slightly. He already knew Matt was younger than him, likely quite a bit younger, and it didn’t really bother him. However, he wasn’t sure that he could say the same for Matt. Would Matt be weirded out that Shiro was older? A lot of people only had friends around the same age as them, especially younger people. As those ‘meme’ and ‘vine’ things Matt seemed to love became more popular and older generations continued to fail to understand them, generation divides became very apparent. What if Matt decided that Shiro would never understand the humor he loved, and stopped talking to him? What if Matt simply decided Shiro was too old? After all, Matt was only about two years older than Shiro’s younger brother, who was seven years younger than Shiro himself. That didn’t make Shiro see Matt as a younger brother like Keith or anything of that sort, but that didn’t mean Shiro wouldn’t seem really old to him. Did that even make sense as a coherent thought? Shiro wasn’t sure anymore. All he knew was that he was worried, and he was panicking.

“And?”

Shiro’s thoughts screeched to a halt, and he whipped his head to the side to look at Matt with surprise painted all over his face.

“And?” Matt repeated, eyebrows raised. “You’re not even that old. What is there to be embarrassed about? If it’s something like not going to college immediately after high school, then you should remember that a lot of people can’t immediately go to college, or they don’t want to. There’s nothing wrong with it-“ he explained, only to be cut off by Shiro.

“You’re not, like, weirded-out, or something?” the aviation student asked dumbly.

“What? No! No.” Matt shook his head, a strange look that appeared to be a slight cringe on his face. “Why would I find that weird? It’s not like you’re as old as my parents, or something,” he said.

“But I’m six years older than you,” Shiro stated blatantly.

“And my aunt is ten years older than my uncle, and they’re married. What’s your point?” Matt deadpanned.

“Oh. Well, I don’t know. People usually, you know, don’t associate much with people more than a year or two older or younger than them,” Shiro reasoned.

Matt rolled his eyes, then fixed Shiro with a small smile and a raised eyebrow that said he wasn’t angry in case he seemed like he was. “This isn’t high school, Shiro.”

“Oh, uh, okay.”

The two sat in silence for a moment, then Matt stood and held out a hand.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Want me to throw out your plate on the way?” he offered.

Shiro nodded, letting out a small ‘thanks’ as he handed his plate over. Matt smiled and turned away, heading toward the crowd again. Shiro watched him go, then after he disappeared into the crowd, Shiro got out his phone to check the time. They had been at the party for almost an hour and a half, though it hadn’t felt like more than thirty minutes. The time just after their arrival had seemed like an eternity, but after settling on the bench and losing focus on all the people and sounds, time had flown by like a runaway jet. It had honestly been fun, definitely compared to the last time Shiro had been in such a crowded area. Even the movie they had gone to paled in comparison, though to be fair, the movie had sucked and Matt had been out cold for half of it.

Shiro slid his phone back into his pocket, then he looked up and began scanning the crowd while his mind wandered. He felt pretty good, oddly enough. He was actually sleeping, he had been for a while now, instead of lying awake every night or jerking awake from a nightmare every other hour until he finally gave up on sleep. He didn’t feel as tired as he usually did, even though he’d plunged into crowded areas far more often and for far longer since he started hanging out with Matt. He’d always gotten exhausted by simple trips to the cafeteria, or even trips to Kronners when it was busy. However, he’d been far more relaxed recently, especially when Matt was around. It was becoming clear that Shiro’s new friend was helping him in more ways than one, both keeping him from isolation and helping him stay grounded and relaxed in situations and places that usually made him tense and jumpy. He wasn’t quite healed, he likely never would be, but he had slowly been getting better. When Matt came into Shiro’s life, the light and kindness he radiated seemed to speed that process up. A year ago, Shiro would never have even been able to enter the building when a party such as the one he was at was going on, even if it was a relaxed one hosted by the university. Either he had finally reached the point where he could tolerate such settings, or Matt’s presence was enough to make it bearable. Either way, Shiro was glad, and he hoped it would continue.

Unfortunately, Shiro’s hopes were shattered in just moments. A familiar mess of light hair caught his eye, and his gaze refocused as Matt quickly slipped from the crowd. He was walking briskly, his shoulders tense and his arms stiff at his sides. He had an unreadable look on his face, but his eyes were just a little too wide, focused a little too strongly on the floor. He no longer radiated calm, but rather fear and panic.

Instantly, Shiro was on guard. The instincts that had slowly gone dormant over the years returned at nearly full strength, making him aware of every sound, every smell, and every movement in the room. It was sensory overload ten times worse than when he’d first walked in, but he made no move to leave. Matt was clearly on edge, but the situation was unknown. It wasn’t Shiro’s instinct to flee that had been triggered, rather it was his instinct to fight. He was aware of everything, but he was in control. It was like he was mid-battle all over again, deciphering the situation in the moment and searching for a solution. With so many questions, all he could think to do was stand and step towards Matt, watching as his friend approached.

“We need to leave, now,” Matt hissed tensely through gritted teeth when he reached Shiro, passing by him only to grab his jacket, which he’d taken off earlier and left on the bench, before gripping Shiro’s wrist with a surprising amount of force and pulling him towards the door. His pace never slowed, and his face never changed from the stony, tense expression that had settled upon it since his return.

Out of habit, Shiro scanned their surroundings as Matt led him out, and he locked eyes with someone at the edge of the crowd near where Matt had come from. The man appeared to be around the same age as Matt, likely no older than twenty-one. He was staring at them, or more specifically, at Matt, but his gaze shifted to Shiro when he noticed the aviation student staring. The small smirk that had been on his face before slid away, replaced by a frown, but a group of people soon walked by and obscured Shiro’s line of vision. He couldn’t see the strange man anymore, though he could still feel his gaze, and it felt wrong.

Hesitantly, Shiro turned to face forward again just as Matt pulled him through the doors and out of the building, exposing them to the cold night air.

It was dark out, but the sidewalk was lit by the occasional light pole. Matt never stopped moving, his pace constant and his grip on Shiro’s wrist unrelenting. Despite the cold wind, he wasn’t shivering, even though his t-shirt clearly offered little protection against the bite of the chill.

It felt like an eternity before they finally came to a stop in front of a building Shiro recognized as the IT Center. Matt suddenly let go of his wrist, but Shiro had no time to even think about asking what was wrong before Matt had his phone out. He typed a lightning-fast text, shut his phone off, walked up the wall of the building, turned around, then leaned back against it. His eyes went to the sky, two milk chocolate irises that usually shone with life dulled to a hazy brown, then he suddenly slid to the ground with a heavy sigh.

Worried, Shiro rushed forward and knelt in front of his friend, eyebrows furrowed as Matt brought up his hands and rubbed at his face stressfully. The IT student paused with a hand over his mouth as if he felt nauseous, though it was likely that he did. Whatever had happened, it was clearly causing Matt great distress.

“Matt?” Shiro called quietly, reaching out to touch his friend’s shoulder. Matt surprised Shiro when he suddenly lashed out, smacking away Shiro’s hand so hard that it hurt, making Shiro jerk his entire body back as if he’d been burned.

The sudden motion seemed to snap Matt out of his daze, and he looked between his own hand hovering in the air and Shiro’s recoiled form before shaking his head.

“I’m sorry…” he mumbled quietly, pulling his hand towards his chest as if it hurt.

“It’s okay,” Shiro assured quickly to combat the guilt in his friend’s voice. “Are you alright?” he asked, searching Matt’s face for any clues as to what might be wrong.

Matt let out a shaky breath, then another, then a third, each one successively quicker than the last. Shiro recognized the signs of an oncoming panic attack and reached for Matt again, this time successfully grabbing his shoulders. Matt didn’t seem to take notice, still trying and failing to calm down.

“Matt,” Shiro called, shaking his friend gently. It did little, as Matt was still struggling to contain himself even though he looked like he was trying. “Matt,” Shiro called again, looking him in the eye.

Matt looked up partially, but his eyes didn’t seem to focus. He looked like he was on the edge of a full-blown panic attack, something Shiro wanted to avoid at all costs. He knew what it was like to lose himself, to get swallowed by the fear and anxiety like a pebble on a raging shoreline. He knew how much it hurt, how exhausting it was, and he didn’t want Matt to go through that.

Carefully, Shiro placed a hand on the side of Matt’s face and tilted the younger man’s head so he was looking him in the eye, then he spoke. “Matthew.”

Just like in the movie theater, the use of Matt’s full name got the IT student’s attention. His eyes focused, and his gaze settled on Shiro’s face. He was still breathing unsteadily, though a fraction of his panic seemed to have been replaced with confusion.

“Focus on me, Matt,” Shiro stated simply, staring at his friend intensely while slowing his own breathing to long, quiet, deep breaths through his nose. “Focus on me,” he repeated.

Matt did as he was told, not shifting his gaze an inch as he stared at Shiro and his breaths began to slow. It was a gradual fall, taking almost a minute, but soon Matt was no longer choking on short, quick breaths. His breathing had slowed to match Shiro’s with none of the words, loud breathing, or coaching that people often resorted to. Shiro found those tactics more annoying than helpful, and it seemed Matt wasn’t in need of them either.

“You okay?” Shiro asked softly once Matt had calmed down, still looking into his eyes.

“Y-yeah,” Matt responded quietly, sighing in relief as he closed his eyes and slumped back against the wall behind him.

Shiro dropped his now-free hand from where it hovered after Matt pulled his head away, though his other hand still lingered on his friend’s shoulder. Typically he feared such contact, worried someone might feel the metal in his hand through his gloves, but at the moment he had much more to worry about. Matt did too, and it was unlikely that he’d even notice.

“I’m sorry… for all of that,” Matt apologized quietly, his eyes still closed.

“It’s okay,” Shiro assured, his expression still pinched with worry and his voice low.

Neither of them spoke again, Matt’s mind too hectic and Shiro’s too full of questions he knew better than to ask. Neither of them said or moved much until a minute later when Matt began to shiver, finally aware of the freezing wind. He sloppily pulled on his jacket, though it did little to help. Clearly, he hadn’t expected to be outside for a long period of time when he’d left home. Even with the jacket, he continued to tremor, and he was too tired to do much else about it.     

Unable to continue watching his friend suffer after the rough night he’d been having, Shiro unzipped his own jacket and shrugged it off, then leaned forward to drape it across Matt like a blanket. It made the IT student open his eyes, now full of confusion, and move to give it back.

Shiro shook his head. “Hold onto it,” he said.

Matt looked between the jacket and Shiro, then nodded, lacking the energy to put up a fight. He pulled the jacket off his front and slipped it behind him to hang over his shoulders like a blanket, though it might as well have been, seeing as it was three sizes too big on him.

The pair fell into silence again, Shiro fighting the urge to shiver as the chilly air sliced through his sleeves and made his right arm ache with cold. Neither spoke or moved until a pair of headlights came into view just minutes later, the vehicle whipping into a parking space.

The driver got out the car without bothering to turn it off, leaving the engine running as he got out and jogged over to the pair. Sam Holt soon came into view, his worried face illuminated by the soft light of the street lamps. He immediately knelt down next to Matt and Shiro, looking first to the latter for any clues before turning his attention to his son.

“Matt? What’s wrong? What happened?” Sam asked, setting a hand on Matt’s shoulder.

Matt shook his head, taking a breath to steady himself as his anxiety started to return. It wasn’t as bad as before, though it made his voice shaky.

“I s-saw him, at-at the library,” the IT student stated quietly, looking at the ground.

Sam’s eyebrows furrowed, a mixture of confusion and concern as if the answer was just out of reach. It seemed that he knew the answer he received would be something he didn’t want to hear, something that he knew was bad.

“It was Quinn, dad. He was there,” Matt spat quickly, his tone a mixture of fear and anger. He finally raised his head, his eyes glassy with unshed tears. “He goes to this school.”

There was no room for arguments, no what-ifs or maybes. Shiro didn’t know much about the party in the library, though he did know that it was only for students. Anyone who didn’t have their ID visible while attending would be removed. Even Shiro and Matt had their IDs in lanyards tied to the belt loops of their jeans despite the fact that half of the administrative staff were familiar with Shiro and Matt was a student employee at the IT Center. If that Quinn guy was at the party, he was a student.

Sam’s face flashed with anger before suddenly going blank as he rushed to hide the emotion he undoubtedly felt. The man was obvious experiencing some great turmoil, though he hid it well just as any other military commander could. Without a word, he got to his feet and motioned for Matt to stand, grabbing his son’s elbow to help him get up. Sam looked at Shiro and nodded towards the car, signaling him to follow.

Shiro did as he was told, following the Holts to their vehicle. He waited as Sam walked Matt to the passenger side, waited for him to get in, then closed to the door. Sam then approached Shiro, his expression dead serious.

“Shiro,” he began, “Matt trusts you a great deal, and I know you’re a good man. So I need to ask a favor of you.”

Shiro nodded, waiting.

Sam looked his student straight in the eye as he spoke with every ounce of seriousness he could muster.

“I can’t always watch out for Matt. I can’t be there for him 24/7, even if I didn’t have work to do.” Sam paused, as if debating what to say next. “That kid, that man you two saw tonight, do you remember what he looked like?”

Shiro nodded again.

“Good. If you’re with Matt and you see him, please, get Matt out of there as fast as you can,” he asked. “He’s...he has a bit of a history with Matt. I can’t say much, because it’s not my place to explain, but… Regardless, Matt isn’t safe around him. Now, I know I might just sound like some parent worried over everything even though my son is an adult who can take care of himself, and yes, he will always be a child in my eyes, but that’s not the issue here. Quinn is dangerous, so please, just, keep Matt away from him,” Sam explained. “I’m not asking you to follow Matt everywhere and act like a security guard or anything, I would never ask you to do that. I just need to know that there is someone Matt can turn to if he needs to, someone who can keep him safe if I’m not there and the situation gets dicey.”

Shiro paused momentarily, letting his mind process what he had been told. This Quinn guy was bad news, and while Shiro wasn’t sure why, Sam had made it very clear that he had to be kept as far from Matt as possible. It wasn’t the time to ask for specifics, and as Sam had said, the details were Matt’s secrets to disclose.

“Of course,” Shiro agreed, pushing down his confusion. He may not have known what was truly happening, but he knew enough. Matt was his friend, and he would look after him.

Sam nodded. “Thank you. Take care of yourself, Shiro.”

Without another word, Sam turned and walked around the car to the driver’s side. He dropped into the driver’s seat, buckling in and giving Shiro a thankful nod before throwing the car into reverse and backing away.

Shiro watched the Holts leave, questions still swirling through his mind. There were too many to ponder at once without giving him a headache, and the last thing he wanted to do was make assumptions. With that in mind, he decided not to think about it and instead wait until Matt gave answers, that is, only if he wanted to.

Rubbing at the ache that was growing in his right arm as the chunks of metal continued to chill, Shiro started toward his dorm. He was still somewhat alert and on edge, his senses still heightened as the wind whipped by and every sound echoed in his ears. He glanced up at the sky, wishing for the freedom of flight while mentally preparing himself for a sleepless night of worry.

Chapter Text

It wasn’t until the following Monday that Shiro came into contact with one of the Holts again. He walked into class mid-yawn, having not slept much over the weekend. He was worried about Matt, about what must have happened to him that made Quinn so dangerous. It made Shiro fear that maybe something would happen when neither he nor Sam were around, and Matt wouldn’t be able to defend himself. Usually, Shiro would have some faith in Matt. However, Sam’s words from that night of the party had

With all these questions swirling in his mind, Shiro didn’t notice that someone had been calling his name as he sat in his chair and stared blankly at the front of the room.

“Shiro?”

Shiro’s head snapped up, his gaze landing on Sam Holt. The man was looking at him with a slightly concerned expression, his head tilted slightly as he took in his student’s bloodshot eyes and the growing shadows beneath them.

“Hello, sir,” Shiro greeted, remembering to be more formal in the presence of his classmates. Sam nodded, though his expression didn’t change.

“Are you feeling okay? You look a bit tired,” the older man pointed out.

Shiro shook his head. “I’m fine. Just haven’t been sleeping well,” he stated, not going into detail.

Sam stared for a moment like he knew what Shiro was thinking without him saying anything. It was as if the man could read his thoughts, like he was aware that Shiro had been worrying about Matt. However, he said nothing, and simply nodded again.

“Well, here’s your jacket. I was a bit distracted when I picked Matt up and didn’t notice that he had it on. It has been chilly out, so I wanted to get it back to you quickly,” Sam explained, holding said jacket out.

The aviation student’s eyes widened slightly in surprise. He hadn’t noticed the jacket as it hung on Sam’s arm, his brain too sleep deprived to realize it was his.

“Thank you, sir,” Shiro said, taking his coat back. He set it on the desk, taking note of how it was nicely folded. It also seemed to smell slightly of detergent, and the scent brought a confused look to his face.

“My wife went ahead and washed it. Not that it was dirty or anything, just out of courtesy,” the man stated.

“Oh, that’s okay. Thank you,” Shiro said with a nod. It wasn’t necessary for the Holts to do that for him, though he decided to simply be thankful.

Sam nodded again, giving Shiro a smile before returning to the front of the room just as Instructor Con entered, addressing the class loudly and asking them to get out their notebooks.

-000-

At the end of class, Shiro slipped his phone from his pocket and checked it. No messages. A cold feeling went through him, as he’d heard nothing from Matt over the weekend and had been hoping to hear something. He at least wanted to know if Matt was feeling better. However, he didn’t want to ask, because he felt like he would be pressuring his friend. The last thing he wanted to do was stress Matt out more.

“Matt’s been busy, but he is feeling a bit better.”

Shiro jumped at the sound of Sam’s voice, having been lost in his thoughts once more. His hand went to his chest as he inhaled deeply, trying to calm his pulse.

“Sorry for sneaking up on you,” Sam apologized, folding his hands behind his back.

“It’s okay,” Shiro assured, leaning back in his chair. “I was a bit worried, since he hasn’t sent a single text since then. I’m glad he’s feeling better, though.”

Sam nodded. “He probably wouldn’t usually react to seeing Quinn so severely, but that night was a bit of a surprise for him, and it’s been a year or two. He was more shocked than anything else,” the man explained.

“That’s understandable,” Shiro replied, glancing down as he picked at his gloves.

A silence fell over the two of them, Shiro unsure of what to say and Sam trying not to disclose more than he should. Shiro continued to pick at his gloves and frowned in irritation as more questions started to form in his mind. He briefly considered mentioning a few of them, but then took notice of the time.

“Well, I need to get going. I’ll see about meeting up with Matt sometime later this week when he’s not busy,” Shiro said, getting to his feet and hauling his bag onto one shoulder.

“Okay. Try to get some more sleep in too, if you can,” Sam advised, stepping back to give Shiro a path to the door.

“Will do,” Shiro called over his shoulder. He then left the room, allowing the troubled expression he had been withholding to shape his face.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Shiro typed out a quick text to send to Matt and paused. Sam had said that Matt was feeling better, but Shiro wasn’t sure if asking to meet him at the cafeteria for lunch at some point that week would be a good idea. Quinn had seen them at the party, and now knew that Matt was a student. If he wanted, he could easily stake out the cafeteria to try to find Matt and corner him. Despite that, Shiro did still want to meet up with Matt, so he decided to take a different route with his text before hitting send.

Shiro: Do you want to get lunch together sometime this week?

Shiro: Someone in my class was talking about a restaurant that just opened nearby

Slipping his phone back into his pocket, Shiro hoped Matt would accept. He had felt on-edge since the party, and he thought that maybe actually having Matt around might make him feel better. That way, he wouldn’t be spending his time worrying that Matt might run into Quinn alone.

Shoving his thoughts away, Shiro headed for his next class with his phone in hand, waiting for a response.

-000-

It was a whole day before Shiro got a reply, which set his phone off just as he was walking into English. The professor raised an eyebrow at him, and Shiro responded with a sheepish smile before stepping out of the room and pulling up the message.

Matt: hey

Matt: I was covering a few shifts in the IT Center because everyone got the plague

Matt: By plague I mean they got hammered over the weekend

Matt: And again yesterday

Matt: Rift actually fired a guy for coming in to work high and drunk off his ass

Matt: And yeah my sister told me about the restaurant

Matt: Im free of Thursday

Matt: *on

Shiro smiled while reading over the texts, glad to see Matt back to his old self.

Shiro: How about Thursday at 1?

Matt: Maybe? Im not sure when my dad is free to give me a ride

Matt: My mom works all day tomorrow too

Shiro: I can drive you

Matt: Are you sure?

Shiro: Yeah. Where should I get you from

Matt: My dad is going to the university in the morning so ill just go with him

Matt: Ill meet u are the IT Center at 12:45

Matt: at*

Matt: I cant type for shit today

Shiro: That’s okay. I have to go to English, but I’ll message you when I’m done

Matt: Alright

Matt: I might take a while to respond because im at the IT Center today

Matt: On break rn

Shiro: Okay. I’ll talk to you later

Matt: 😊

Shiro turned off the volume on his phone in case it went off again before walking back into class just as the professor began.

-000-

Two days later, Shiro pulled up in the parking lot near the IT Center at exactly 12:45pm. He put the car in park, then let it idle as he dug his phone out of his pocket to text Matt.

Shiro: I’m here

It was merely seconds before Matt responded.

Matt: Hold up lemme go outside

Matt: Too many stairs wtf

Matt: Im installing an elevator asap

Shiro: Matt the IT Center is only on the second floor

Shiro: It’s like two flights of stairs

Matt: Two too many

Matt: Almost there

A few moments later, Shiro saw the front door open and watched Matt walk out. The younger man was squinting in the wind as he looked around, his gaze landing on Shiro’s vehicle. A smile crossed his face as he jogged over, phone in hand. He dropped into the passenger seat the moment he reached the car, sighing loudly when he closed the door.

“It’s so windy,” he complained loudly, buckling up his seat belt.

Shiro nodded, turning around and bracing his arm on the back of Matt’s seat as he backed out of his parking space. “You probably should’ve brought a heavier coat,” he commented, having noticed the thin jacket his friend was wearing.

“Yeah, but then I would have had to hold onto it at the restaurant,’ Matt pointed out, crossing his arms.

Shiro pulled out of the parking lot with a quick glance and headed for the main road while shaking his head. “Try not to catch a cold, or your parents will kill me,” he stated somewhat sarcastically.

“As if my dad would kill the best aviation student at the school,” Matt responded with an amused snort, giving Shiro a glance.

Shiro let out an amused huff. “Yeah, sure. I’m the best, and you can’t tell a mouse from a keyboard,” he mocked in a poor imitation of Matt’s voice.

Matt frowned, his head tilting in the corner of Shiro’s vision. “But you are. You’re every instructor’s favorite student. Con even bragged to some of his buddies from another school about you,” the IT student explained. “You always get top marks on everything, and you can out-fly even the fourth-year students.”

Shiro stiffened, half out of surprise and half out of panic. He knew he was good, he’d led a team when he was in the military. However, he didn’t realize he was that good, at least in the eyes of his instructors. If they thought so highly of his skills, where did they think he had learned them? He hadn’t attended any other colleges for training, having learned everything in the military. That left him with a rather barren academic record, which was why he was at his current university in the first place. He was aiming for a commercial license, so he could fly passenger planes or be a private pilot for a company. The lack of such things left only two possible origins of his skills: natural talent, or the military. The last thing he wanted was for someone to find out about the years he served. It could cause him professors and peers to treat him differently, maybe with the same stiff formality as they did with Sam despite the man’s insistence that they be more casual. Sam and Matt’s entire view of him might change, as Sam knew the challenges a veteran faced after returning to civilian life, and Matt was so accustomed to treating his father with care that he might start to act the same way around Shiro. If they found out that Shiro had been a soldier, he wouldn’t be the same in their eyes. He wouldn’t be just a nice guy from the aviation division. He would be revealed as the struggling man he was, someone carrying his own burdens. The Holts wouldn’t want to add to that weight, even if it was something important. Sam would tell him not to worry about Matt despite Quinn’s presence, that he has his own things to focus on, and that was the last thing Shiro wanted to see happen. He might have been struggling, but he was not fragile. He did not need to be coddled or treated as if he was always a hair away from shattering. He had been getting by on his own for a few years now, and even though it was hard sometimes, he wasn’t incapable of independence. He could take care of himself, and when someone he cared about was in danger, he could look out for them too.

“I do study a lot, I guess. I haven’t really had much else to do over the past few years,” Shiro said dismissively, waving a hand. It wasn’t a lie. He honestly didn’t have anything better to do, or at least he hadn’t before he befriended Matt. However, studying wasn’t where his skills came from and he knew it well. He just couldn’t bring himself to divulge those secrets, not yet.

Matt hummed, accepting the explanation, then turned to look out the window as Shiro pulled out on the main road. Signs flew by as Shiro accelerated, heading towards the area where the new restaurant they were heading to was at. However, he wasn’t quite sure of exactly where in that area the restaurant was, and it seemed like it wouldn’t be too easy to find.

“Does your phone have mobile data?” Shiro asked, shifting in his seat as he realized his seatbelt made it impossible for him to reach his own phone.

“Uh, I think so,” Matt stated, shoving his own seatbelt away from his pocket so he could pull out his phone. He turned it on, typed in the passcode, then tapped around on the screen for a moment until his mobile data was activated. “Yeah. What do you need?”

“Can you get me the actual address for the restaurant? I checked before I left, but I can only remember the general area,” Shiro admitted with a frown as he searched their surroundings for signs.

“One sec.”

Out of the corner of his eye, Shiro could see Matt tapping away at his screen. It took a moment, but the IT student soon found what he was looking for.

“Okay, uh, take a right at the next stop light, then follow that road for a little bit,” Matt instructed, only glancing up from his screen once.

"You know how to get there?” Shiro asked, raising an eyebrow in slight surprise. He hadn’t thought Matt knew his way around so well, especially since he didn’t have his license and didn’t actually do any driving around.

“Google maps,” Matt explained simply, flipping his phone around so Shiro could glance at the screen. A blue line marked the path they were meant to take.

“Oh.” Shiro didn’t believe he had such a feature on his phone. If he did, he was completely unaware of it. However, it seemed like it would be very useful, and he made a mental note to check and see if he could use it on his own device later.

As instructed, Shiro took a right at the next stop light. He then followed the road until Matt told him to turn once, then again, then follow the road once more. They were in an area that looked something like an outlet mall, and Shiro recognized one of the stores as being one the restaurant was near. Sure enough, a glance around revealed the sign for the restaurant to their right, and Shiro maneuvered the car towards it and into a parking space somewhat far from the building.

“Sorry for the distance. I just don’t like parking up around a lot of other cars. A lot of the spaces aren’t very wide, and I can’t exactly get out of my car when I can only open my door one foot,” Shiro explained, killing the engine.

“That’s alright. My mom does the same thing because she doesn’t want some idiot to dent the car when they open their door,” Matt commented. “One bill for six-hundred dollars was enough.”

“For a little dent?” Shiro asked, his face scrunched up in confusion as he got out of the car.

Matt shut his door, pocketing his phone. “If by little, you mean it looked like someone threw a bowling ball at the side door and cracked the window, then yes.”

Shiro raised his eyebrows and let out a whistle, getting a nod of agreement from Matt.

After the car was locked, the pair headed for the door at the restaurant. They stepped inside and were instantly bombarded with the sound of clinking plates and people talking. It made Shiro stop short, and it took everything he had not to do a one-eighty and walk right back out. The cafeteria at the school was something he could manage, since it was noisy but spacious. The library had been a mess of crowded people but staying away from the crowd in a quieter area had helped Shiro tolerate the discomfort. However, this was hell. It was crowded and compact, with people and noise everywhere.

Internally, Shiro smacked himself. How had he not thought about this? He had been so focused on going anywhere but the cafeteria where Quinn might see them that he hadn’t considered how packed the restaurant would be. It was new, and its menu had a variety great enough to attract scores of customers. Not only that, but the lunch rush had yet to end it seemed, so the restaurant was even busier. Shiro wouldn’t have been surprised if there were no open tables.

Shiro didn’t realize he’d retreated into his thoughts until Matt’s face appeared in front of him with a concerned frown. The IT student raised and eyebrow as Shiro blinked back to reality, then Matt motioned for Shiro to stay put before he approached the hostess.

Shiro watched as Matt talked to the young woman, unable to hear a word they said over the noise. All he was aware of was Matt’s a hand waving slightly to his side and he motioned around. The conversation lasted nearly half a minute, then he hostess nodded and picked up two menus before heading off. As Matt motioned for him to follow, Shiro hesitantly stepped further into the restaurant.

The two students followed the woman through the winding maze that was the restaurant, slipping past tables and booths. Shiro noticed that some of the ones they passed were clean and empty, leaving him confused as to why they were continuing past them. Were there reservations on them?

In the depts of the restaurant, Matt and Shiro were finally seated at a booth in the corner. Matt slid into the seat facing the wall, leaving Shiro with the booth that faced the restaurant. Being able to see everything left him feeling more relaxed and in control. As he relaxed, he also noticed that the noise wasn’t nearly as bad as before. The back of the restaurant was actually rather quiet, the noise from when they’d first walked in now distant.

“My name is Amber, and I’ll be looking after you today. Feel free to call me over if you need anything else,” the woman said as she placed the menus in front of them.

Shiro and Matt both gave an appreciative nod, Matt tagging on a ‘thank you’ with a kind smile.

Shiro tilted his head, picking up on a few oddities in his friend and the woman. Anything else? An extra ‘thank you’? The latter could have been Matt being polite, but when grouped with Amber’s words and all the empty tables they passed towards the front of the restaurant, his instincts told him he was missing something.

“I asked if there was a quieter part of the restaurant where we could sit, since you have trouble with the ready crowded and noisy spaces,” Matt informed, nodding towards their surroundings. It was mostly older people and couples quietly enjoying their food, maybe making the occasional joke or comment. There were none of the screeching children or tipsy adults hooting at each other that had been at the front of the restaurant.

“Oh,” Shiro said, a feeling of warmth spreading through his chest. “Thanks.” It had been thoughtful of Matt to do him such a favor without even being asked, especially when the restaurant was busy, and the hostess was not guaranteed to care at all. However, it seemed that Matt and Amber were both feeling kind. Shiro made a mental note to remember to leave a good tip.

The two browsed the menus as they waited for Amber’s return, then Shiro ordered a coke and a nice-looking burger he’d spotted while searching for something to eat. Matt ordered a sprite and buffalo chicken burger with extra jalapenos. The thought of it alone made Shiro’s eyes water, getting him a snort of laughter from Matt.

“Like I said, I like sugary stuff. However, spicy is also a favorite,” Matt explained. “Habanero gummy bears,” he stated, “are the greatest invention known to man.”

Shiro made a face at the thought, reached for the small rack of condiments against the wall on their table. He spun the hot sauce around, then raised an eyebrow at Matt.

“Twenty bucks says you wouldn’t chug this,” the aviation student challenged.

Matt leaned back and crossed his arms. “If we weren’t at a restaurant, I’d chug it for five.”

Slightly concerned, Shiro released the bottle and leaned back. “Remind me to never leave you anywhere near candy or hot sauce,”

Matt chuckled and had to bite back his laughter as Amber returned with their drinks. He and Shiro both thanked her before she left, then his laughter poured out again.

“Bold of you to assume you could stop me,” the IT student countered with a wicked grin.

Shiro crossed his arms. “I say that because I’m sure I can’t stop you.”

Matt laughed again, his voice quiet out of courtesy for those around them. However, he stopped dead and froze suddenly, his head whipping to the side. His eyes locked on a man who sat down at a nearby table, pupils constricted.

“Matt?” Shiro questioned, leaning forward as he fixed a worried look on his friend. His gaze flicked to the man momentarily, then back to Matt as the younger man let out a sigh of relief and turned back towards his friend, slumping in his seat.

“Sorry, it’s nothing,” the IT student said, though his tone was tense. Shiro was able to see through the lie easily.

Frowning, Shiro looked over at the man who had caught Matt’s attention and studied him. When the man turned his head somewhat towards them, part of Shiro’s mind made a connection. His face was familiar, but it was not one he knew. It only looked somewhat like one he knew, one he wished he’d never seen. This man was not who Shiro might have thought, though he did look like him.

Carefully, not wanting to prod too much, Shiro lowered his voice. “Quinn?” he questioned, aware that the man near them looked like that unsavory person at a glance.

Matt nodded. “I though that guy was him for a second,” he admitted. “I already saw him earlier today while at the IT Center.” He then went quiet, eyes on the fizz of his drink.

Shiro looked down at the table, not sure of how he should proceed. It took a moment for him to commit to his plan, as it wasn’t something he wanted to do. However, he was curious and angry. Clearly, Quinn had hurt Matt in the past. How he’d done and how bad it had been, Shiro didn’t know. Maybe he wouldn’t ever. At the moment though, Shiro wanted to do anything he could to try to help Matt feel safer.

“If you see Quinn, don’t hesitate to call me. I don’t care if I’m two feet away or two miles. I don’t know what he did, but I know it wasn’t good. I won’t let him go near you, no matter what I need to do to keep him away,” Shiro promised, leaning forward and speaking softly as he stared at Matt, who was still looking down at his drink.

Matt was still for a moment, then he shook his head. “He’s not worth it,” he stated, a muscle in his jaw tensing. The IT student reached for his straw, and Shiro noticed a slight tremor in his hands. The younger man tore off the paper on one end, slid part of the straw free, then pulled it out with his teeth. However, he didn’t place it in his drink. Instead, he chewed on the end as if it would release the tension within him.

The two were silent, and Shiro started to regret ever mentioning Quinn. He was worried Matt might clam up and make himself anxious instead of letting Shiro help him.

]“He was just a dumb kid in high school who didn’t like me much.”

Shiro’s gaze shot up from the table, landing on Matt’s face. The IT student was still looking at his drink, his gaze unmoving.

“Getting pushed around by him wasn’t fun, but I was able to manage it. That’s not some ‘sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ shit. It sucked, but I just kinda ignored him. He was only in a couple of my classes, too, so I never had to put up with him the whole day.”

Matt finally took his straw out of his mouth and set it in his drink, stirring around the pop and ice slowly and twirling the straw in his fingers. His eyes stayed on the straw. “I pissed him off one day, got him in trouble. It wasn’t over something he did to me, though. There was another kid he was bothering, a new kid who didn’t have a single person to back him up. I didn’t really have anyone either, but it was easier for me since I wasn’t surrounded by strangers. This kid, he took Quinn’s words well at first, but he started to crack quickly. One day, he started crying. Quinn just laughed. It pissed me off more than anything Quinn had ever done before.”

Shiro’s hands clenched into fists, his anger nearing boiling point. He knew what Matt meant when he said he got shit from Quinn. It hadn’t been just once or twice, either. It was something Shiro knew well, just in a different form. He’d been isolated by his peers, and they talked behind his back, but his appearance was too intimidating for anyone to confront him outright. Matt was small and weak in appearance, and he seemed to pose no threat to anyone. People wouldn’t hesitate to get up in his face, and Quinn had done just that. He’d done it day after day, and while Shiro didn’t know the reason, he knew enough. Bullying was dangerous. Bullying had left a young Keith crying in his room while Shiro stood outside the door, unsure of what to say. It had shackled Lance with depression and made Hunk afraid to go to school. The taunts built up over time, creating a looming darkness in the mind until it was impossible to bear any longer.

“I stole his phone and set it up to go off during one of his classes. I just gave him a taste of his own medicine, made it seem like his reason for giving us shit applied to him too. He got so mad. I knew he’d be pissed, but I went with it anyway. It got his attention off the other kid, though he changed schools soon anyway. After that, Quinn was down a target and pissed as hell, and he made sure I knew just how much I screwed up,” Matt explained quietly.

“Matt,” Shiro whispered quietly. He had been curious about what had happened, and part of him had wanted to know. However, he wished he could take all the words Matt had spoken and push them back into his friend’s mind. Knowing was so much worse than being oblivious. It was beyond painful for Shiro, and he couldn’t imagine how Matt must have felt explaining everything.

The pair was silent for a moment, Matt’s lips twitching as if he had more to say but wasn’t sure if he wanted to let the words out. Meanwhile, Shiro was deep in thought. No wonder Matt had been so afraid when he’d seen Quinn. Fists might leave more physical scars, but words left scars on the mind that took ages to heal and even longer to fade. Sometimes, those mental scars wouldn’t fade at all. They’d always be there, a reminder of what had once happened. Matt’s story wasn’t heavy on details about what Quinn had said to him, but clearly whatever it was had left a lasting impact. Those words had hurt Matt so bad that Quinn’s very presence startled him and made him lose himself. That night after the party, Matt had barely recognized Shiro before he calmed down, to the point where he had slapped Shiro’s hand away when the older man had gone to touch his shoulder in a comforting gesture. Sure, Sam had said that Matt wouldn’t have reacted as strongly if not for the fact that he hadn’t seen Quinn in years and didn’t know he attended the same university, but Matt had seemed absolutely terrified. What had Quinn said that made Matt close himself up and, quite literally, push others away? Just how bad did it have to have been to condition a physical response? Shiro himself would only move away if he wanted to keep his distance. The only times he’d ever slapped someone’s hand away was when they tried to touch his mangled right arm, or on one occasion when he’d been teaching Keith how to punch properly and didn’t expect a right hook aimed directly for his face. That hadn’t been long after Shiro’s discharge from the military, and at the time, the surprise had thrown a glimpse of the past at him. He’d seen the fist of a stranger who wanted to hurt him, so he’d slapped Keith’s fist aside to deflect the blow without thinking. What words hurt more than a physical attack? Unless…

The blood suddenly drained from Shiro’s face and his heart went cold as a realization struck him. Words couldn’t be shoved aside with a hand, so how would they have inspired Matt’s physical reaction? Hateful comments and taunts didn’t make someone get defensive physically. Matt saw Quinn, then for the first time since they’d met, Matt had reacted instinctively to something with violence. “And what causes violence…besides violence?” Shiro thought. He wanted to stop his thoughts there, to keep quiet and not pry, shut down the conversation before Matt was too upset, but the question slipped out before he could stop it.

“Matt… did Quinn… did he hit you?”

Matt didn’t even look up at Shiro, instead lowering his head even more as if he wanted to hide his face. Then he spoke, his voice low and quiet.

“The first time I got a black eye, I got a girl in my math class to cover it up with her makeup. I didn’t want my parents to find out and get worried. I hid all that for ages, and Quinn made it easy. He was hoping for a scholarship once he finished high school, so he was careful not to leave any bruises in plain sight, so he wouldn’t get caught. My parents almost found out a few times, and my sister walked in on me changing my shirt once and saw the bruises. I told her I knocked a few textbooks off a desk while kneeling and they fell on me. She didn’t believe me, but she never said anything. It took months for my parents to find out about it all.”

Shiro found himself staring at the table in front of him, any words he might have thought to say dying on his tongue. He had one hand over his mouth to hold back his nausea as his thoughts raced. He didn’t even notice when Amber brought their food, only faintly hearing Matt thank her. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that Shiro was finally able to look up at Matt, who seemed to be looking anywhere but at him.

“I’m so sorry,” Shiro said quietly, his eyes going to his hands. He picked at the leather of his gloves, unsure of what else to say, if anything at all.

Matt gave no reply, simply sitting there. He picked at a fry on his plate, eating it almost robotically, as his mind was elsewhere.

Shiro made no more to even touch his food, appetite gone. He simply sat in silence until Amber came back with their bills, and he gave her a smile and a nod when she asked if they wanted boxes. He and Matt both packed up their food and paid their bills, then slipped a few dollars under their empty plates as a tip for Amber. They left in silence, and they didn’t speak at all in the car on the way back to the University. It wasn’t until Shiro pulled into the parking lot near the IT Center that Matt finally spoke.

“Sorry about ruining lunch, and for dragging you out of the party on Saturday,” he apologized quietly. “It was a bit pathetic,” he added with a sad chuckle.

Shiro’s grip on the steering wheel tightened as he clenched his jaw against his rising aggression.

“No.”

The single word was spoken so harshly, his tone cold and adamant.

Matt finally looked at Shiro, taking in his tense features. Meanwhile, Shiro was struggling to keep his anger in check.

“There is nothing pathetic about any part of you,” Shiro growled, willing away the tickle of angry tears in his eyes. “Quinn is a piece of shit, and there isn’t a single thing that you should be apologizing for.”

“Try saying that again next time he knocks me on my ass with a single pu-“

“That. Won’t. Happen.”

Normally, Shiro didn’t interrupt people, but that moment was an exception. He would not let Matt finish that sentence. He would not let Matt believe he would end up back at Quinn’s mercy, back in a hellish life of pain and suffering. Matt, kind and funny Matt, the one who told dumb jokes and dabbed at the dumbest times, who asked for a table in a quieter part of the restaurant so Shiro wouldn’t suffer, didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve Quinn’s shit.

“I won’t let him lay a finger on you, not again, no matter what I have to do,” Shiro promised, his gaze on the building in front of him.

Matt sighed. “Thanks, but he’s not worth it. You’re on a scholarship, right? If you so much as yell at him, they might take that from you. Besides, you have a life too. I can’t go relying on you like you’re a bodyguard,” he reasoned, sounding a bit tired.

Shiro frowned, but he kept himself from speaking. Matt was entirely right. His financial aid would disappear if he attacked someone, even if he did it for good reason. Shiro wouldn’t always be there, either, just as Sam had said before. He had classes to go to, a cat to look after, and a brother at home to keep in contact with. Not only that, but Matt was nearly twenty years old. He was an adult, not a child who needed to be protected. Quinn might not be the only violent person he’d ever encounter, and he’d only be able to rely on himself when he got in trouble. Shiro wouldn’t always be able to protect him no matter how hard he might try, though there was something else he could do.

“Let me teach you how to fight.”

This caught Matt’s attention, and he whipped his head to the side so his wide eyes met Shiro’s. His lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but nothing came out. He seemed a bit stunned, though whether it was due to the offer itself or the fact that Shiro must know how to fight if he was offering such a thing, Shiro didn’t know.

“Well, not actually fight. You shouldn’t fight him or anyone unless you have to, but…” Shiro paused, trying to explain. “You shouldn’t be afraid of him, and I don’t want him to hurt you. I want to know that you’ll be safe even when I’m not around, or when your family isn’t around. If you can protect yourself and be able to get away from danger, then Quinn can’t hurt you, and neither can anyone like him.”

Matt was silent for a moment, his brain still processing. It took a moment for him to find his voice. “Aren’t you busy though? It’s November already, and classes will be done in a little over a month. You need time to study. Besides, I’m like, two feet tall and about as big around as a stick. Even if I can throw a punch, it’s not going to do anything,” he reasoned, frowning.

Shiro shook his head. “It’s worth the time, Matt, and you need to stop doubting yourself. Just because Quinn won before doesn’t mean he always will,” he argued. “Besides, I taught a lot of what I know to my younger brother, Keith. He’s not much bigger than you, but he can knock me on my ass. He’s had a lot of time to practice, but that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.”

Matt looked down at is shoes, his face twisted by a mixture of emotions. “I could always just keep away from him as much as possible. That way, I don’t have to waste any more of your time. You’ve already had to put up with my breakdown after the party and dealt with me complaining about the stupidest shit or rambling on and on about tech shit no one outside the IT program understands. I don’t want you to feel like you always have to help me out,” he admitted, his voice quiet.

“Matt,” Shiro began, “you’re my friend. You’re supposed to complain to me about stupid shit, ramble about the things you love, and ask for help when you need it. Quinn hurt you, and I don’t want you to get hurt again, alright? I can’t always keep him away, and I can’t always have your back. But this is something I can do,” he explained.

After a moment of silent contemplating, Matt met Shiro’s eyes once more. His expression melted into a soft smile, and he nodded. “Okay. Thank you, Shiro.”

Shiro returned the smile. “Of course.”

The two sat there, watching each other and smiling, neither of them moving. It took Matt a moment to remember that he needed to go meet up with his dad, and only then did he unbuckle his seat belt and get out of the car. He gave Shiro a grin and a wave, which Shiro returned before backing out of his parking space and heading to his dorm.

-000-

When Shiro was back in his room, he flopped down on the bed with a sigh. His gaze went to the ceiling as he let his mind wander, reviewing the events of the past few hours. Matt had been bullied in school, quite badly it seemed. Someone as sweet and seemingly innocent as him had lived through such a nightmare, and Quinn was the one who’d done it. No wonder Matt had been so shaken after the party.

As to exactly why Matt had been bullied, Shiro didn’t know, though he didn’t plan to ask. Matt didn’t owe him any explanation, and he’d reveal the details only if he felt comfortable with it. Shiro was okay with that. Matt had already trusted him with enough of his story, something Shiro had yet to manage himself. It made him feel a bit guilty, learning new things about Matt, deeper and more personal things, while he himself was stubbornly holding on to secrets. What had he told Matt about himself? That he had a cat and a brother? That his financial situation wasn’t great? That he had struggled with going to school while raising Keith? Those weren’t exactly deep secrets.

‘Even if I did feel ready to talk about myself more, now isn’t really a good time,’ Shiro thought to himself. It may have been a poor attempt at consoling himself, but he wasn’t exactly wrong. Matt was struggling with the whole Quinn ordeal, and it wouldn’t help him if Shiro decided to call him up and say something like ‘oh, by the way, I’m a retired veteran like your dad who suffers from PTSD because I was taken captive and tortured. Also, I have a bunch of metal fused to my right arm because it got mangled during my time in captivity, which is why I always wear gloves and long sleeves. Fun fact, I’ve been raising Keith myself for years because his mom left when he was a baby and I was adopted by his dad a few years before he died, leaving me as the only known living relative Keith has.’

“Definitely not a good time for that,” Shiro stated aloud. “Right, Eurus?” he asked, turning his head to the side to look at his cat as she entered the room. Shiro got a stare in response, making him smile slightly.

Sighing, Shiro sat up, rubbing at his eyes. “I hope you’re excited to see Matt again. He’ll probably be over here a few more times soon,” he told Eurus, only to suddenly pause. After saying the words out loud, they finally sunk in, and he remembered his words from earlier.

“Shit.”

Shiro flopped back down on his bed, this time turning over to lay on his stomach and bury his face in his pillow as he thought back to the conversation he and Matt had had in the car. Matt had admitted to thinking he was sometimes bothersome to Shiro, and hadn’t wanted to accept his offer to help because he didn’t want to take up his time, and what did Shiro do? He got sappy.

“He’s gonna think I’m some crazy dude who moms people,” Shiro muttered to himself. “Do I mom people?” he asked, raising his head to search for Eurus. In response, the cat jumped up on his back, making him sigh. “He is my friend though, and I do want to help him.”

With another sigh, Shiro rolled over, earning a squeak of protest from Eurus as she fell off his back.

“Sorry,” he said to her, getting to his feet. He crossed to the other side of the room where his backpack leaned against the wall and pulled out the folder containing his English homework. Midterms had been earlier in the week, and the usual wall of homework had already returned.

Sitting down on the floor, Shiro began his homework. While his mind was on his work, there was a small part of him that felt a bit excited, while another small part was worried. He was looking forward to working with Matt, but he was also worried about what questions might come of it. Matt hadn’t asked yet, but what if he questioned where Shiro had learned how to fight? Also, while Shiro was planning to keep contact to a minimum, what if Matt still managed to touch his arm and feel the metal beneath his sleeve? What if he was showing Matt how to punch or kick and a scar peeked out from beneath his clothes? He wasn’t ready to bring up the things he often tried not to think about, and as he had concluded earlier, it wasn’t currently a good time to mention anything to Matt. All he could do was hope that everything would go smoothly, and if it didn’t, then he’d cross that bridge when he got to it.

Chapter Text

Saturday afternoon, Shiro heard a knock on his door and got to his feet to answer. He opened the door and was met with a familiar face to which he gave a kind smile before he let his visitor in. Matt stepped inside somewhat hesitantly, a sling bag hanging off his shoulders. Shiro shut the door behind him and nodded towards the room that held what exercising equipment he had.

Originally, the pair had planned on meeting up at the gym. However, Matt had quickly grown anxious. When Shiro offered to postpone the lesson, Matt had stopped him and admitted that he’d never been to a real gym before. Partially due to his somewhat introverted tendencies and partially due to the fact that most of his hobbies related to computers and didn’t require much movement, he wasn’t very athletic. His lack of experience made him fear that he’d look incredibly stupid, and he didn’t feel comfortable in the slightest, far from confident enough to practice where many others could see him. Shiro had soon recommended that Matt simply come to his dorm, and while Matt had originally rejected the offer since he didn’t want to trouble his friend more than he already had, Shiro finally got him to cave. In the end, they decided that Matt would come over to Shiro’s dorm a few times to learn the basics, then once Matt felt a little more confident in his abilities, they’d move to the gym where they’d have more room.

“You can leave your bag wherever, just make sure you won’t trip on it,” Shiro said, gesturing vaguely to the dorm as he picked up a medium-sized punch pad with a single strap on the back. He slid his hand under the strap, then once Matt had slipped off his shoes and put down his things, Shiro held it up and punched it somewhat lightly with his free hand. “All you need to do to start is punch this as hard as you can.”

Matt leaned away, his eyebrows drawn together in a mixture of emotions. He was silent for a moment, then he frowned. “What if I miss?”

Shiro shook his head. “This thing isn’t huge, but it’s big enough that you could barely miss even if you tried.”

“But what if I accidently hit you instead?” Matt questioned, making Shiro pause. He hadn’t thought about that.

“Well,” Shiro began, trying his best not to hesitate. Physical attacks had the potential to throw him back in time to when he was in captivity, though he’d improved a lot since then, and even more since he’d met Matt. He also could already tell just by looking at his friend’s skinny arms that any punch he threw wouldn’t hurt much, and he was confident that he’d be okay. To be safe, though, he made a mental note to shift the punch pad if needed so he wouldn’t have to put his theory to the test. “I think I’ll live. Maybe don’t try to miss thought?” Shiro suggested, a somewhat humorous smile turning up the corners of his lips.

Matt returned the small smile, though it was quick to fade. “Are you sure you’re okay with this? I don’t even know if I’ll be able to do anything,” he admitted, shoulders slumping in defeat as his gaze fell to the floor.

“Matt.”

Shiro’s tone was soft yet scolding, a small sigh escaping his lips before he continued. “You need to have some confidence. If you don’t try, you’ll never reach your goal. If you do, maybe you’ll succeed, maybe you’ll fail, but the fact that you tried at all will make you more experienced. Something good always comes out of trying, and that applies to anything.”

Matt was silent at first, his gaze rising from the floor as he processed Shiro’s words. He then slowly started to relax, his face melting back into a comfortable smile.

“Do you have a motivational speech planned for every possible scenario, or do you just come up with them at random?” he asked somewhat teasingly.

“Sometimes I plan them, sometimes they just happen,” Shiro replied sarcastically, his mouth turned up in a smile. “Actually, I heard that one from a friend,” he admitted.

“Smart friend,” Matt remarked.

Shiro nodded. “She was.”

The pair went silent for a moment, Shiro getting struck with a hot flash when he realized he’d revealed something personal. ‘She was’ implied that she was gone. While that may have been true, Shiro didn’t feel that it was time to share the details.

“Okay,” Shiro began, changing the subject quickly. His slid back a foot as he took on a sturdy stance and held the punch pad in front of him. While he doubted the extra support would be needed, guessing that Matt probably couldn’t knock him over with the force of a punch, he didn’t want to embarrass the younger man or cripple his motivation by making his beliefs obvious. “Give it a try.”

Hesitantly, Matt widened his stance slightly, then whipped a fist at the punch pad. It wasn’t terrible and had enough power that it could leave a mark, but it wasn’t quite good.

“Not bad,” Shiro began, straightening. He pulled off the punch pad and tossed it aside for the moment, then gestured for Matt to raise his fists again. “Stand like you’re about to throw another punch, then hold it.”

Matt did as he was told, hesitantly raising his arms again.

“You’re hands themselves are fine. A lot of people can’t make a proper fist because they want to tuck their thumbs in and wrap their fingers around them when they do it. But doing that will only make you break your own thumb. So, you want to make sure your thumb is always on the outside and tucked against the side of your fist, not the front. That’ll also break your thumb,” Shiro explained, motioning with his own hands.

Matt nodded in understanding, uncurling his fingers before making a fist again as he copied Shiro’s motions.

“Now, you need to make sure your stance is stable as well. As you are-“ Shiro paused, reaching out with his left arm to push lightly at Matt’s shoulder, making him wobble back and forth “-you’re stance is wide but not deep. Having your feet shoulder-width apart is correct, but you’ll want to put one foot back so you don’t get knocked over in one blow.” Shiro took up the proper stance himself, one foot facing forward slightly in front of him while the other slid back slightly behind him, facing off to the side.

Matt tried to copy, and Shiro stepped in to nudge his feet into position.

“Make sure the foot that goes back is on the same side as the arm you punch with. That way you’ll be able to throw a stronger punch and won’t compromise your balance.”

Once Matt’s feet were finally set properly, almost as if he was standing on the outline of a box, Shiro stepped in front of him to demonstrate the next part.            

“When you start, you want the hand you punch with to be in a fist at your hip with the side with your fingers facing up. Your other hand should be raised and in a fist in front of you.”

Matt copied the stance quickly this time, rotating his wrists until his fists were positioned properly.

“For the punch itself, you’re going to kind of go up and forward with your fist. You’re also going to turn it so the top of your hand is facing up by the time you make contact. The torque will add more power to the punch. Make sure you’re using your whole arm for this and not just your elbow, or you’ll only hurt yourself.” Shiro demonstrated a punch himself, though he held back on his power and slowed down so Matt could easily see what he was doing.

Matt tried once, his arm weak and sloppy.

“Try again, and make sure you put more than just your elbow into it. Try exhaling when you punch, too. It tightens your core muscles and will help you in the case that your opponent strikes back. If your muscles are tense, they can’t do as much damage and you’ll be able to recover and strike faster.”

Matt punched again but leaned into it and nearly stumbled forward. He was quick to correct himself and try again, though he was slightly hesitant after his failures.

“Relax, Matt.”

The IT student paused for a second, taking a breath, then he threw another punch, exhaling sharply as he did so.

“Good,” Shiro praised, reaching for the punch pad on the ground. He slid it back onto his hand and took up his stance in front of Matt again, holding it up. “Again.”

The two continued for a few minutes until Matt’s punches started to grow weaker and his breaths got shallow as he grew tired.

“One more, then take a break,” Shiro decided.

Matt nodded, then took in another breath before throwing his final punch, this one stronger than the previous few. He drew back, then relaxed and stepped out of his stance, allowing his arms to fall to his sides.

“One second,” Shiro said, pulling the punch pad off his hand again before moving to the kitchen. He pulled a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water before returning and giving it to Matt, who accepted it gratefully.

“Next time-“ Matt gasped after downing half the glass at once “-remind me to bring a water bottle.”

Shiro smiled. “I’m glad you’re already planning on a next time.”

Matt went a little redder than he already was, taking a sip from the glass again so he wouldn’t have to respond.

“You did good, Matt. Have some more faith in yourself. You pick things up a lot quicker than you let yourself think, whether it’s something physical like this or as mentally draining as calculus,” Shiro complimented.

Matt shook his head. “Yeah, must be impressive for the guy who could beat up every mafia bodyguard in existence straight out of the womb,” he responded sarcastically, though there wasn’t any bite to his tone, no traces of negativity.

“You’d be surprised,” Shiro returned, setting his hands on his hips. “At one point I couldn’t even make a proper fist,” he admitted.

Matt choked on the last of his water, nearly spewing it across the room before he clamped his hand over his mouth to keep it down. He coughed a few times after finally choking the water down, then looked at Shiro in disbelief. “No way.”

“Yes way,” Shiro said with a chuckle.

The two continued back and forth for a few minutes, their conversation lighthearted. A few times Matt tried to learn a little more about Shiro’s first experiences with combat and self-defense, though after Shiro brushed the questions off with vague answers, Matt took noticed and stopped prying.

Once the red had mostly faded from Matt’s cheeks and his breathing had long-since evened out, Shiro picked up the punch pad again to start the next lesson. He settled back into his low stance with the punch pad in front of him, eyes on Matt as he spoke.

“I want you to give it a kick this time, then we’ll go through corrections like we did with the punch.”

Matt did as he was told, giving the punch pad a solid kick. It was powerful, but Matt’s wince upon impact told Shiro he probably wasn’t used to kicking anything without shoes on.

“Okay,” Shiro began, stepping forward to start his critique. He reached for Matt’s wrists, pausing for a moment before gently grabbing them and pulling them up in front of Matt, giving his friend a moment to notice his intentions so he could pull away if he didn’t feel comfortable. “Keep you arms raised up in front of you, both your hands in fists. Make sure you’re not blocking your vision but still have them up high enough to keep your balance and have the ability to block your face if your opponent lashes out when you kick.” Shiro then moved to Matt’s side, nudging back his right foot again. “You want the foot you kick with to be back a little bit like before, but this time, point your toes forward instead of to the side.”

Once Matt had the proper stance, Shiro stepped in front of him again and demonstrated the kick slowly. “You’re going to do this almost in two parts when you kick. First, you raise the knee of the leg you’re kicking with,” he explained as he went through the motion himself, pausing with one knee in the air. “Then you raise your foot and extend your leg all at once and make impact with the ball of your foot. Make sure you don’t strike with your toes, or you’re going to hurt yourself rather than your opponent.” He finished with a slow kick, almost like he was poking the air with his foot. “I know a lot of kicks are all about swinging your leg wherever, but this one is more like a jab.”

Shiro set his foot back down, then picked up the punch pad again. “You’re going to want something to hit when your practice this, otherwise the forward motion of your foot will tip you forward and make you fall,” he warned, holding up the punch pad. “Give it a try.”

Matt moved slowly in his first attempt, trying out the motions once before putting some power into it. His first kick was decent in form but lacked power, while his second was strong but used his toes as the impact point rather than the balls of his feet.

“Keep trying. This one typically takes a little more practice,” Shiro encouraged.

Matt did as he was told, hesitant at first, but growing more confident as he landed a couple successful strikes in a row. He tired quicker than he had during the punches, already somewhat worn out from the earlier exercise, but he still got a good few minutes of practice in.

Shiro gave his friend and approving nod as he put down the punch pad again and went to refill Matt’s water glass.

“I’ve only got a few more things I want to show you for now, and neither of them are very tiring. It’s alright if you want to stop for today, though. I know this is kind of a lot to learn all at once,” Shiro offered as Matt emptied his water glass.

Matt shook his head as he drank, then spoke after he finished his water. “We can keep going. Besides, my dad is doing some work right now, so we might as well do what we can while we have time.”

Shiro nodded in agreement. “Okay. I can show you two of these while you take a break. They’re very simple, though easy to mix up. You don’t need to worry to much about stance with these. It’s all about escaping a hold on your wrist,” Shiro explained. “You probably won’t need to use these against many people, and they’re more popular in self defense classes for women against predators than anything else, though they can be useful in other situations, too.”

Matt frowned. “My mom tried to get my sister to go to one of those after some boy at school started following her around everywhere trying to convince her to go out with him even though they were like, thirteen. My mom stopped pushing for it after the boy got mad and grabbed her shoulder, only for him to end up in the nurse’s office after she flipped him over her shoulder onto the ground and broke his nose. Pidge actually almost got expelled for ‘excessive violence’ until my parents called out the principal for supporting rape culture and a few teachers backed up her actions as valid self-defense.”

“Oh,” Shiro responded, some shock registered on his face. “Good.”

Matt cracked a smile at Shiro’s response, glad to hear that his friend wasn’t backing up the boy as others he knew had.

“Anyway, grab my wrist with your right hand,” Shiro said, holding out his left arm.

Matt hesitantly did as he was told, wrapping his hand around Shiro’s wrist in a tentative hold.

“When someone has a hold of you like this, you want to twist your wrist toward the weakest point of their grip, which is between their thumb and index finger. When they mirror you like this, if they grab your left side with their right hand or right side with their left hand so they aren’t reaching across your body, you want to ‘check your watch,’” Shiro explained before twisting his wrist so the flat top part faced him. He then pulled his hand from Matt’s grip. “Now grab my wrist again, but hold it tightly this time,” Shiro instructed.

Matt grabbed Shiro’s wrist more firmly, holding tight. He seemed to struggle when Shiro’s wrist twisted but his leather gloves didn’t, though he didn’t complain or ask if they were necessary, allowing Shiro to breathe a little easier.

Shiro repeated his movements from before, effortlessly ripping his wrist from Matt’s hold with little effort. “Now you try,” he said, gesturing for Matt to raise his arm so he could grab on. Shiro deliberately made his grip loose the first time so Matt could practice the motions first.

When Matt successfully pulled his hand away, Shiro grabbed his wrist again and informed him that he was going to tighten his grip. Still, Matt was able to pull away, leaving the IT student slightly surprised.

“Nicely done,” Shiro said, getting a smile from Matt before he moved on to the next hold. “This time, you’re grabbing my left arm with your left, so you’re reaching across,” Shiro explained, smoothly avoiding having Matt come into contact with his right arm.

Matt grabbed Shiro’s left wrist as instructed, though this time his grip was a lot stronger from the beginning.

“In this case, you want to ‘check your palm,’” Shiro explained, twisting his wrist so his palm faced him before ripping his hand away. He looked up to check Matt’s face and was happy to find his friend watching with a concentrated expression. “You want to give it a try or see it again?” he asked.

“I’ll try it,” Matt decided, holding out his right arm.

Shiro gripped Matt’s wrist somewhat roughly, then watched as Matt looked at his trapped wrist before twisting is just as Shiro had done and pulling away. The aviation couldn’t help the smile that crossed his face. “Quick study,” he remarked.

Matt grinned in response. “I’ve heard,” he said, recalling Shiro’s earlier words.

The two got to their feet and practiced the two moves a few more times before Shiro felt Matt had them down well enough to remember them, then he got ready for the last part of the lesson.

“This last one is something just about anyone might end up using. The scenario people like to explain it with is a bar fight, but honestly this could happen in an encounter with anyone,” Shiro explained. “I want you to grab the front of my shirt up by the collar, kind of like in the movies when someone picks another person up off the ground by the front of their shirt, but with both hands.”

Matt paused, looking at Shiro with a confused expression. He had raised his hands from his sides but didn’t move any further.

“It’s a bit awkward, I know,” Shiro assured, raising a hand. “If you don’t want to do it, that’s fine. I could always send you a video from YouTube,” he backtracked.

“No, no, it’s fine,” Matt said, shoving a strand of hair out of his face. It was longer than Shiro remembered, nearly reaching his shoulders. It seemed like Matt hadn’t cut it since they met, as it had barely passed his ears them. Shiro had seen it fly in Matt’s face quite a few times since they began, including when he was practicing the punches and kicks. The IT student had shoved it away again and again before, and he seemed to be growing irritated with it.

“One second,” Shiro said, interrupting before they could continue. He held up a finger, gesturing for Matt to wait a minute as he walked out of the room and headed for his bathroom. He pulled on the side of the mirror, which opened into a medicine cabinet, and reached for the top shelf. He grabbed what he needed, closed the cabinet, then hurried back to where Matt was waiting.

Matt gave Shiro a puzzled look when the older man returned, unsure of what he was doing.

“I noticed your hair has been getting in your face quite a bit. It’s gotten pretty long recently,” Shiro commented, halting in the doorway when Eurus suddenly brushed past his legs. He bent over to pet her, then looked up at Matt, who was pushing his hair back from his face again.

“Yeah. I’ve been busy this semester and haven’t had the chance to get it trimmed,” he explained, frowning when his hair fell back in his face. “Cypress told me I should grow it out, but it keeps getting in the way.”

“Keith had some trouble with that for a while when he was growing it out. I actually started carrying hair ties with me all the time because he always lost them when his hair was getting in his face,” Shiro recalled. He held up the pack of hair ties he’d grabbed from his bathroom, ones he had found in his car after arriving on campus at the beginning of the semester. “Need one?” he asked.

“Sure,” Matt agreed, slowly accepting the hair tie Shiro pulled from the pack and handed to him. The younger man attempted to pull his hair back into a ponytail, but he had clearly never done it before and kept losing strands. It was long enough to get in the way, but also short enough that it was difficult to gather together.

“You need a hand?” Shiro blurted before he could think, his mind back on the days when he’d helped Keith put his hair up because he could never do it properly himself.

Matt looked at Shiro with slightly wide eyes, his hands pausing. “Oh, um,” he stuttered. He was silent for a moment, then dropped his hands. “Sure.”

Shiro held out his hand, and Matt handed over the hair tie. Shiro then slowly stepped behind Matt and carefully swept the hair back from his face. He gathered up what hovered over Matt’s shoulders and gently brought all of it together, careful not to pull. He tried to distract himself from noticing their proximity as he worked, Matt inches away from him. They hadn’t stood that close even as Shiro taught him the different self-defense moves they’d gone over that day. However, the search for distraction only led him to notice that Matt had gotten taller since they met, too. Before, he hadn’t even reached Shiro’s shoulders. Now, the top of Matt’s head was nearly level with Shiro’s chin.

Quickly, Shiro tied Matt’s hair up with the hair tie, then stepped back. “Is that alright?” he asked, walking around in front of Matt to check his work.

“Yeah, thanks,” Matt said, running his hand over his hair and prodding at the ponytail.

Shiro had planned on responding, but his mouth went dry and the ‘no problem’ died in his throat when he took in his friend’s appearance. Maybe it was the observations he had made, but Matt looked completely different. He had taken off his glasses earlier during one of their breaks, and the lack of the large frames that somewhat dwarfed his face made him look less youthful. Coupled with the scar on his cheek, he looked older than Shiro remembered. The contours of his face were more visible, and his expressive eyebrows were relaxed.

“It looks good,” Shiro complimented, his voice tight. He hoped Matt simply thought his voice had gone soft because he was speaking with kindness, and not because he was surprised, because he sure as hell was. While Keith looked younger with his hair back, Matt looked more mature, even as a few short locks that escaped the ponytail framed his face. He looked different but familiar all at once, as if they hadn’t seen each other in ages. In reality, it was the exact opposite. He’d been around Matt so often that the changes had been too gradual for him to notice until they smacked him upside the head.

“Thanks.”

Shiro was pulled from his mind by Matt’s response, and the small smile his friend gave him made his chest warm up. “So,” he began, hurrying to move on before he said or did anything and made a fool of himself, “the last one is an arm lock.”

Matt stepped forward, still hesitant but not enough that he couldn’t give the new move a try. He grabbed the front of Shiro’s shirt in his fists, then watched Shiro’s hands carefully as he demonstrated and explained.

“You’re going to reach across with one hand and grab their same one. So I could grab your right with my right, or your left with my left,” he explained. “You grab the meaty part of their hand, the part of their palm beneath their picky, and twist their hand towards yours so their palm faces up.” Shiro grabbed Matt’s hand and twisted slowly and gently, careful not to hurt him.

Matt lost his grip with his other hand as his whole body turned with his arm, forcing itself to move to avoid damage.

“The final step is to push down on the back of their bicep above their elbow. This will bring a person to their knees and, if you push hard enough, could break their arm.” He only set his hand on Matt’s bicep, not pushing to avoid hurting him at all. “You can also bend their hand back toward their arm to create more strain,” he added, only nudging Matt’s hand back slightly. “The more control you have, the better. You do need to be careful with this arm lock, though. Don’t break their arm unless you need to, and make sure you control your pressure so you don’t do it on accident.” He released Matt’s arm and stepped back, allowing Matt to straighten. “You think you got it?”

“I think so,” Matt responded, eyebrows furrowed in concentration.

“Okay. Could you twist my left arm, though? I think I pulled something in my right shoulder earlier and I don’t want to irritate it,” Shiro lied. The truth was that he didn’t want Matt to grab his hand or touch his arm and feel the metal beneath. Any contact within the previous moves hadn’t carried much risk, as it had only involved contact with his palm and could be excused as boniness.

“Sure,” Matt agreed, oblivious but willing.

The two went through the steps slowly, Shiro stating them aloud when Matt paused until the IT student was able to do it quickly without help. He was gentle, but as Shiro had been, though Shiro trusted that Matt would be more forceful if he actually needed to use the arm lock on someone. Besides, he had barely used any pressure in his demonstration and claimed to have an injured shoulder already, so there was no way Matt would take any risk of causing him any pain.

After Matt’s fifth successful attempt, the pair were interrupted by Matt’s phone. The younger man’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he stepped away from Shiro to check his device, unlocking it speedily and reading over the text he had received.

“My dad says he finished early and will be here soon. I guess my mom needs something from the store for her work, so we’re gonna pick it up on the way home,” Matt explained as he typed a response before setting his phone on the floor next to his bag.

“Ah,” Shiro said with a nod. He bent to pick up the punch pad from where he’d carelessly tossed it aside before, returning it to its spot against the wall. “When do you want to meet up next? I’m free Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday, and also Friday morning.”

Matt took a moment to contemplate, then shrugged. “My IT classes are pretty early in the morning Tuesdays and Thursdays, calc is Friday nights, and the rest are online. Any other time works, though probably sooner rather than later so I don’t forget all this by the time we meet up again.”

“How about…” Shiro paused, “Tuesday afternoon? We can meet up at the cafeteria, then come back here to practice,” he offered.

Matt nodded in agreement, a smile on his face as he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulders. “Yeah, sounds good.”

Shiro finished tidying the room, returning anything they’d knocked over or used to their proper places and opening the window a little to air out and cool down the room. It was far too cold outside to open it more than a few inches, though that little bit was enough to do the job.

The pair spent the short remainder of their time discussing upcoming movies and their predictions for which ones would be good and which ones would flop in the box office. They were interrupted a few times by Eurus, who seemed adamant about taking all of Matt’s attention and jumping onto his lap the moment he sat on the floor. It brought a smile to the faces of both young men, Shiro feigning hurt over the ‘betrayal’ while Matt laughed triumphantly.

When the two heard the telltale rumble of a car engine outside, they headed for the door. Matt slipped on his shoes while Shiro held Eurus to prevent her from swatting at the laces, then the students stepped outside together.

“Thanks again for all your help, Shiro,” Matt said with a grateful smile. His eyes were brighter than they had been in days, more full of life than they had been since they first encountered Quinn.

“Anytime,” Shiro responded genuinely, his expression slipping into a soft smile without him even noticing. Instead he was focused on Matt, the pair watching each other mindlessly, taking in the changes they hadn’t noticed as time passed: Matt’s hair and height, the fading dark circles under Shiro’s eyes as he spent less time in nightmares, the way both of their bodies relaxed with a feeling of comfort in each other’s presence.

When Matt finally started to turn away, hurrying to his dad’s car before Sam got out to make sure they knew he was there, he glanced backward and gave Shiro a small wave over his shoulder, which Shiro returned happily. The aviation student stood in his doorway and watched Matt get in the car, then found himself contentedly watching as Sam backed the car out of the parking space and pulled out of the lot, driving out of sight.

When Shiro finally went back inside, he found Eurus pawing at something on the floor. He went to investigate and found that Matt had left his glasses behind.

“Shit!” Shiro cried, lunging toward his room where his phone was sitting on his bed. He picked it up and typed out a quick text to Matt.

            Shiro: You forgot your glasses

It didn’t take long for Matt to respond.

            Matt: omg I didn’t even notice

            Matt: my mom is leaving for work in 30 mins so she needs whatever we gotta pick up asap

            Matt: can you bring them to ur aviation class on Monday and give them to my dad?

            Matt: I actually have tomorrow off work so I wont be at the IT Center

            Shiro: Okay. Are you sure you don’t want me to go drop them off at your house?

            Matt: don’t worry abt it

            Matt: I’ll live

            Shiro: Alright

Shiro tossed his phone back down on his bed and returned to the other room, where Eurus was sat next to Matt’s glasses. It probably hadn’t been a good idea to leave her alone with them while he was texting Matt, seeing as she sometimes tended to chew on things, but thankfully the glasses were unscathed. Shiro picked them up and brought them to his room, setting them carefully on the nightstand so they wouldn’t get lost. He then picked up his comb and searched through his closet for a change of clothes.

As he headed for the shower, Eurus darted past his legs and into the room with his exercise equipment. Shiro followed her and glanced in to make sure Matt hadn’t left anything else behind, though this time she was swatting at the pack of hair ties Shiro had abandoned on the floor.

“Oh.”

He’d planned on giving the pack to Matt, seeing as he didn’t need them. Keith was busy with work and school and didn’t visit Shiro at the college, and there were plenty of hair ties for him back home. Lance also carried hair ties around for Keith’s sake, a habit he had picked up from Shiro, so Keith wouldn’t miss the pack Shiro currently had.

Eurus batted the hair ties toward Shiro as if she was reading his mind, making his lip quirk up in a smile.

“The ponytail does suit him well,” he agreed, picking up the pack and taking them to his room, where he set them next to Matt’s glasses.

Eurus jumped up on the bed and let out a loud meow, demanding his attention. She reached out to bat at his hand, giving him the cat equivalent of an annoyed scowl.

“What?” he asked, unsure of what she was trying to tell him. Unfortunately, since she was a cat, she couldn’t exactly say it. Instead, Shiro was left looking at her in confusion as she stared at him before flopping down on the pillow and yawning loudly.

Shiro frowned, though he still reached out to scratch her head before making his way to his bathroom to take a shower, shaking his head as he wondered why the hell he had such a strange cat.

Chapter Text

It took three more lessons for Matt to finally feel comfortable enough with what he’d been taught for them to move to the gym. He was clearly anxious when he arrived, drumming his fingers on his legs as he entered the building for the first time ever. It made Shiro want to reach out and grab his hands to stop their movement, but he figured that would only make Matt more uncomfortable and draw strange looks from the few other people who were around.

The pair had agreed to meet up in the middle of the day on Sunday when there was almost no one there, just a week after their first lesson. Matt had learned quickly, causing Shiro to recommend that they move to the gym sooner than originally planned so they’d have more space. Matt had been a bit hesitant, and while Shiro respected that, he also made sure Matt knew that he’d improved significantly since the first lesson and had nothing to be embarrassed about.

“Hey,” Shiro greeted, giving Matt a kind smile. It made the younger man relax somewhat, causing Shiro to smile wider. “Let’s put our bags in the locker room, then I’ll show you where we’re going.”

Shiro led Matt into the men’s locker room near the front desk, putting both his duffel bag and Matt’s sling bag into a locker that he secured with a combination lock. They also left Matt’s glasses and their jackets in there, as they’d worn them for the chill of the autumn wind outside but had no need for them inside.

The two made their way to the back of the gym where a multi-purpose wrestling-type room was. The floor was heavily padded and convenient for anything that involved a lot of powerful impacts, throwing, or potential falls.

“Since we have more room, I want you to practice your blocks while also incorporating movement,” Shiro decided, stretching his arms out behind him. He settled into a low stance a few feet in front of Matt. “You’ve got them down pretty good when you’re stationary, but if you end up in a real fight, there’s going to be a lot more movement. You need to be able to get out of the way and meet attacks in a way that allows you to block or deflect them easily. Being more mobile will also increase your chances of escape.”

Matt tightened the messy ponytail behind his head before he sank into his own stance, feet shoulder-width apart, one slightly further back than the other, knees bent, and head up. He gave Shiro a nod, and the older man lunged forward.

Shiro held back on both speed and power with his attacks while they warmed up a bit, Matt working to avoid every strike while also remembering to move. He was a bit shaky at first, but quickly began to get the hang of it. He struggled a bit as Shiro held back a little less, but still managed to catch his fists, smack his arms to change the course of an attack, and duck to dodge the attacks he could.

The two spent nearly three hours practicing, Shiro bringing up old skills from previous lessons and mixing them in with new skills. Matt wasn’t perfect, but his abilities were still impressive. Once he started to relax and stopped thinking about whether or not he looked sloppy as he worked, he improved drastically. It didn’t surprise Shiro too much, seeing as he already knew how skilled Matt had already become. The IT student wasn’t half-assing anything, and he was legitimately trying to learn. That was far more effort than a lot of people put into anything, let alone fighting. Too many people believed they could simply embrace their inner Bruce Lee if they ever needed to, unaware of how difficult it was to actually use any technique related to combat successfully. Even punching and kicking was a lot more than throwing out a limb as hard as possible and hoping for the best.

As the two prepared to call it a day, Shiro decided to throw in a little surprise for Matt to keep him on his toes. Most of their lesson that day had revolved around motion and dodging, as well as counterstrikes, but it had all been aimed at the upper body. It took a lot to efficiently use both arms and legs in a fight, though it was an important skill to master. While Shiro didn’t want to suddenly dump a new technique on Matt just as they were finishing for the day, he thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to give him a taste of what the next lesson would include, should he want to continue.

When Matt dodged a punch by Shiro and stepped forward to return it, Shiro suddenly dropped to the floor and kicked, sweeping out Matt’s legs from under him. The IT student’s eyes went wide as he crashed to the floor, then he frowned at Shiro.

“Unfair,” Matt accused, crossing his arms.

Shiro chuckled, offering up his left hand. “Yes, unfair, sorry,” he said.

Matt took Shiro’s hand and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet, then he reached back to tighten his pony tail, which had loosened during the lesson and released a few strands around his face. “You need to show me how to do that, though,” he said. “You don’t get to do something cool then not show me how to do it.”

“Patience, young one,” Shiro stated sarcastically in a poor imitation of an old, wise man. “I’ll show you how to do it next time,” he promised, dropping the imitation. “For now, we’re done for the day.”

Matt sighed, dropping his head back and squinted up at the ceiling. “Good. I’ve been blind for the past three hours. I can barely even see you,” he complained, rubbing at his eyes. You’re just a blob right now. Like, a really fast blob that could break someone’s arm with one finger.”

“Just don’t forget your glasses again. They barely escaped Eurus when you left them behind last week, and I’m not sure that you’d see them again if you leave them in the locker room here. Someone will probably step on them,” Shiro predicted. He’d brought Matt’s glasses to class the Monday after their first lesson and gave them to Sam. Shiro had nearly broken them a good four times before he finally reached Matt’s father, who laughed when he realized that Matt not wearing his glasses for two days hadn’t been a choice. It seemed he’d never told Sam that he’d left them at Shiro’s, perhaps out of embarrassment over being forgetful.

The two returned to the locker room for their things, Matt jumping up on the bench in front of the lockers to dab after he finally had his glasses back on, making Shiro drop his head in a mixture of embarrassment and confusion. The two made sure they had all their things before they left, Shiro walking Matt to the IT center to meet up with Sam and be taken home.

The pair was silent for most of their walk, eyes on the world around them. It was sunny, but the wind carried a biting cold that cut through their jackets and chilled Shiro’s arm until it throbbed. He did his best to keep a neutral face, though the throb was worse than usual since he had just exercised. The combined discomfort from the extended use and aching cold made him wish he had a pack of Tylenol in his pocket.

Matt seemed to notice that something was off about Shiro, narrowing his eyes at his friend with a small frown on his face. “Are you okay?” he asked, looking Shiro over in search of any source of discomfort until his eyes landed on Shiro’s arm. “Does your shoulder still hurt?”

Shiro twitched, a balloon of anxiety suddenly inflating in his chest when he saw Matt eye his arm, only for it to explode and disappear when Matt spoke. Shiro felt bad that he had lied to Matt during their first training session, though he felt worse about dragging it out. While he didn’t feel ready to share his secrets, Matt had trusted him with a few major personal stories. While Shiro knew that didn’t mean he had to reveal his deepest secrets, he believed that was all more the reason to be honest with Matt. It may have been a harmless lie, but it was still a lie, and Matt didn’t deserve to be lied too.   

“Uh, yeah, a little,” Shiro said quietly, wincing at how easily the words poured from his mouth. He caught Matt looking at him a bit guiltily and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, it’s fine,” he promised, waving away his friend’s guilt. If only he could wave away his own that easily.

As Matt turned to face forward again, his gaze leaving Shiro’s face, Shiro sighed internally. He apologized to Matt in his head as if the words could reach his friend without being spoken aloud. He wasn’t entirely sure why he had worked himself up so much over a harmless fib, though part of him knew it was because he was well aware of how much one could inflate. He’d seen little meaningless lies result in a heavy price that took an eternity to recover from and were impossible to heal. He’d seen the slippery slope, what it could do, and had hated every lie ever told since then.

“So, when do you want to teach me that leg-sweepy thing?” Matt asked, pulling Shiro from his thoughts.

The older man was slightly caught off-guard, and he ended up staring at Matt blankly for a moment until the IT students kicked his leg out slowly and tapped Shiro’s calf.

“Oh, uh, whenever,” Shiro replied slowly, blanking as he searched his memory for any important events he had coming up.

“Welllllll,” Matt dragged out, furrowing his brow as he thought to himself. “I’ll just text you about it later. My brain is melted,” he complained. “How do people exercise regularly without, like, dying? I just want to eat everything on the planet and take a nap. Or eat everything and nap. Just lay down on the floor with a blanket and some chips.”

“That’s not healthy,” Shiro commented. “In any way, shape, or form. I’m pretty sure laying down while eating is a choking hazard, too.”

Matt shook his head. “See, and that is where my skills come in. Once one has mastered the art of eating while laying down, watching vines when it’s cold out is that much easier.”

Shiro raised an eyebrow. “Should I be concerned?” he asked.

“Nope.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yep. I am a master of-“

Matt was cut off by the sudden sound of a car horn that made them both jump. It instantly put them on edge, freezing and whipping their heads toward the source.

“Sorry!” Sam called, rolling down the window of his car. He poked his head out and gave a wave. “I leaned over the steering wheel to grab the mail I left in the corner of the windshield, and I must have hit the horn.”

“Thanks for the heart attack!” Matt groaned loudly, clutching his chest. He looked to Shiro, who had his eyes closed. “Shiro?”

Shiro shook his head and opened his eyes, giving Matt a small smile. “I’m fine. Sudden loud noises make me jumpy,” he stated casually in an attempt to play off his nerves. Every fiber of his being wanted to tremble, and it took everything he had to stay steady. He caught Sam shooting him a concerned look and gave the man a wave. As one of his instructors, he knew Shiro struggled with his mental health. However, unlike Shiro’s official instructors, such as Con and his mechanics professor, Sam didn’t know exactly what that entailed. Not wanting either of the Holts to worry for him, he gave the man a wave to diffuse his concern before returning his attention to Matt. “I didn’t even realize we were already at the IT Center.”

“Tis’ the price I pay for my horizontal eating habits,” Matt stated solemnly, though the grin that broke out on his face halfway through the sentence gave away his sarcasm.

Shiro let out an amused huff at his friend’s odd humor. “Text me later and we can find a time to meet up again,” he said, taking a step back. As much as he enjoyed spending time with the Holts, his anxiety had yet to fade and it was getting harder to hide his hyperawareness. The sooner he got back to his dorm, the better.

Matt gave a nod, then jumped off the sidewalk and circled around to the passenger side of Sam’s car. He gave Shiro a wave as he opened the passenger door, then got in the car and turned his attention to his father.

Shiro watched the pair go, then once the car was out of sight, he let himself relax. His hands tremored at his sides, and he took a few shaky breaths to steady himself before crossing his arms against the cold and heading for his dorm

-000-

Back in his dorm, Shiro shut the door and leaned heavily against it. He tipped his head back, letting it rest again the cool surface as he sighed heavily. His hands still trembled at his sides, his senses heightened. All he’d done is walk back to his dorm, but he felt completely drained. The sudden sound of the car horn had flipped a switch in his brain that wouldn’t turn off no matter how measured and slow his breathing was.

Sloppily kicking off his shoes, Shiro stumbled to his bedroom and dropped down on his bed without bothering to change out of his gym clothes. He’d need to shower and change later for sure, but at the moment he didn’t even have the energy to get up. Instead he let his weary eyes slip shut, heavy body sinking into the mattress as if it was made of lead.

Eurus jumped up on the bed beside him, the creak of the springs making his eyes fly open and his muscles twitch. A dull throb pulsed in his back, and his right arm felt like a tender bruise as the metal warmed slowly and the chill stopped attacking his flesh. Everything ached from the cold and the tension, and his racing heart seemed to be draining every ounce of willpower he had until he was simply laying in a tired daze, drifting slowly off to sleep.

When Shiro’s phone vibrated with a message twenty minute later, it went completely unnoticed by the fatigued aviation student buried in oblivion.

-000-

Monday afternoon, on his way out of the aviation classroom, Shiro was stopped by Con.

“Shirogane, could I have a word with you?” the man asked, nodding toward the back of the classroom.

Shiro nodded and followed, unsure of why he was being called aside. He’d been doing fine in his classes recently, so there was no way he was in trouble for anything. That eased his worry, though he still felt a bit uneasy being so unsure of what was going on.

Con eyed the remaining students, waiting until they finally left to return his gaze to Shiro.

“The university has decided that it would like to expand the aviation program here due to the growing pilot shortage worldwide and the limited number of schools that offer training. We’re doing a recruitment fair for both university students and the public to try to get more people interested in the program. We plan to open up the option of discovery flights to anyone who is interested, and the president of the university has asked the other instructors and I to find candidates to do the flights. We were told to handpick our best, most capable students,” the instructor explained.

Shiro raised an eyebrow, slightly surprised. He was experienced and a good pilot, but he never thought much about whether he was better than his many peers or not. Part of him wanted to challenge Con, though he knew better and instead decided to take the compliment with a nod.

“I’m aware that you aren’t much of a social person, but I think you’d be good for the discovery flights. You’re skilled, focused, and polite. I expect no less from my students, but there are plenty who fail to meet my expectations. I won’t force you to do this, and I have a few other students in mind who could do the discovery flights if you don’t want to, but I want you to at least consider it. You’re the best pilot I have, and it is the best that people need to see if they are going to be inspired to join the program.”

Shiro was silent for a moment, contemplating. He loved flying and was more than happy to do discovery flights if it meant getting more people into aviation. His fear was the people themselves and how they might react when a hulking mass of a man with a scar across his face showed up and said he was their pilot. The last thing he wanted was for people to be intimidated by him and back out.

Con seemed to pick up on Shiro’s hesitancy and clapped his shoulder. “The fair isn’t until Friday, so why don’t you take a day to decide and give me your answer Wednesday before class? That way I have time to talk to the other students if you decide not to fly,” the older man offered.

Shiro nodded. “Thank you, sir.”

Con gave Shiro a rare smile that cracked his typical serious expression for just a moment before he headed out of the room, Shiro following behind him.

-000-

Shiro: I might need to postpone your next lesson

Shiro: Con asked for my help with discovery flights for a recruitment fair on Friday. I’m not sure how long it’ll last, but I might not be able to meet up afterward

Matt: That’s fine

Matt: My dad told me about the fair this morning and I figured u would probably get picked since ur one of the favs

Matt: I was actually gonna ask u abt it today

Shiro: I’m not sure that I’m going to do it yet, so there’s still a chance I can make it

Matt: Why not?

Matt: Ur gonna get loads of free flight time isnt that the dream of aviation students

Matt: My dad told me abt the hourly rate for those planes and oOF

Matt: idk how anyone can afford that on top of tuition

Shiro: True, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea

Matt: Whyyyyyy

Matt: u can impress people w ur ninja flight skills

Shiro: Flying has nothing to do with ninjas

Matt: I mean it COULD

Shiro: No, it really doesn’t

Matt: -_-

Matt: Seriously tho y not

Matt: I mean u don’t have to tell me if u don’t want to

Matt: But if ur doubting urself im gonna steal ur cat

Shiro: How would that solve anything

Matt: because it would

Shiro: Should I be worried

Matt: Naaaaaah

Shiro stared at his phone hesitantly, fingers hovering above the keyboard. Matt had enough going on with the whole Quinn situation, even though not much had happened recently. The last thing he needed was Shiro’s burdens, especially something as minor as insecurities. While Shiro knew Matt would be more than happy to talk to him about it, he didn’t feel it would be fair to Matt.

A vibration drew Shiro’s attention, and he blinked to find that his screen had timed out. He hurriedly turned it back on and typed in the passcode, opening the conversation again. As if Matt had been reading his mind, the IT student sent a text that summed up Shiro’s worries in just a few words.

Matt: Ur worried abt smth aren’t u

Shiro stared for a moment, his brow furrowing. He could deny Matt’s accusation, or he could be honest. Either way, the conversation wouldn’t end where it was. Even though Matt wouldn’t prod him much for an explanation, he could easily take a guess and hit the nail on the head. Regardless of how open Shiro was willing to be, Matt wasn’t going to let him walk away from the conversation with doubts that easily.

Shiro: I’m not sure that people would react well to a huge guy with a scar across his face showing up and saying he’s their pilot

Matt: No one is going to run away screaming just because their pilot looks like post-serum Steve Rodgers with a facial scar

Shiro: In no way do I look like Chris Evans

Matt: Yeah u do ur both big muscle dudes

Matt: Doritos

Shiro: What?

Matt: U both have the shoulder to waist ratio of a dorito

Shiro: Thanks?

Matt: 😊

Matt: Seriously though, don’t worry about it

Matt: Even if someone were to get intimidated, as soon as you starting talking they’ll know ur nice

Matt: *start phone wtf

Shiro: That doesn’t do much to stop the potential intimidation problem

Matt: Shiro

Matt: It will be FINE

Matt: You love flying, and so will the people who go on the flights

Matt: If they get intimidated, their loss

Matt: People should know better than to judge based on appearance

Shiro: The university is putting a lot into planning though. I don’t want to hurt their efforts

Shiro: I’m also not exactly a people person either

The conversation paused there, and Shiro stared at his unmoving screen with a cold flower blossoming in his chest. There was something unnerving about a break in conversation, a growing worry that the other person might have decided that they were done. While Shiro knew Matt wasn’t the kind of person to suddenly leave mid-conversation unless he had a really good reason, he still worried that Matt may be growing tired if his complaining. Everything Matt had said about Shiro’s love for flying and how people shouldn’t be judgmental was true, but it was clear that nothing would completely shake Shiro’s worry. Shiro wouldn’t blame Matt for deciding that he was fighting a losing battle.

As Shiro started to consider sending an email to Con stating he didn’t think he could do the flights, his phone vibrated again.

Matt: I just talked to my dad abt the aviation fair

Matt: He asked my sister if she could help with setup but she’s got another project to do

Matt: Ig im gonna help w that so I could find u when I’m done

Matt: idk anything abt planes but then you don’t need to worry about standing around by urself or smth

Matt: I’m sure people won’t find u intimidating if they see you having a casual conversation with the ultimate spaghetti noodle

Matt: aka ya boi

Shiro: What

Matt: Tis’ me, thy spaghetti noodle

Shiro: Okay?

Matt: One day you will understand the art of shitpost humor

Shiro: Probably not

Matt: Yes u will

Matt: Just like ur gonna do the flights

Matt: Bcuz u like flying and ik u want to see other people see how gr8 it is

Matt: You may be twice my size but if u try hiding in ur dorm I will drag ur whole ass to the plane

Shiro: I don’t even know if that’s physically possible

Matt: idc

Matt: if u didn’t want to do this I wouldn’t encourage it, but I know u well enough to know u want to

Matt: All u said is ur afraid of what other people will think

Matt: Theres nothing to be afraid of

Matt: U have nothing to worry about

Matt: And if anyone tries to back out ill drag THEIR ass into the plane

Shiro let out an amused huff.

Shiro: Thanks, Matt

Matt: ofc

Matt: ur out here showing me that I don’t need to be afraid of quinn

Matt: so ill show u that u don’t need to be afraid of what other people think of u

Shiro found himself smiling softly as he read over Matt’s messages once, then twice, then again. Here Matt was, dragging him to his feet again even as he struggled with his own problems. His words were kind and genuine, his last two texts striking deep in Shiro’s heart. Since he’d first heard of Quinn when he’d watched Matt tremble in the cold night out of fear of the person he’d seen in the library, Shiro had wanted nothing more than for Matt to feel safe. That’s why every time he saw Quinn, he’d nudge Matt in the other direction, why he was teaching him how to defend himself. He hadn’t been sure that he’d done much to help, but it seemed Matt had gotten the message. It made feel Shiro feel warm for the first time in a while.

Closing the messenger app, Shiro pulled up his email and typed Con’s name into the address bar.

-000-

Wednesday after his English class, Shiro returned to the aviation building to meet with Con and talk about the upcoming aviation recruitment fair. They set up his schedule, where he’d pick up the potential new recruits, how long the discovery flights were, and went over anything else he needed to know.

Meanwhile, Matt worked with Cypress in the IT Center. The pair had been on their own since the morning, Rift out teaching a class and no one else scheduled to work. It wasn’t very busy, so they didn’t mind. However, a third hand would have been helpful during their lunch breaks when one was left to cover the counter and work alone. It was difficult to try to fix something without getting focused to the point that they wouldn’t notice customers or hear the bell ring.

While Cypress was on her lunch break, Matt was just barely balanced between his focus on his work and his surroundings when he heard the bell from the counter. He raised his head, then froze when his eyes landed on a familiar face.

Standing at the counter was none other than Quinn, smug smile plastered on his lips as he raised up a broken phone and wagged it at Matt.

Instead of the usual kind smile he wore for most customers, Matt’s expression was blank. He stood slowly, then approached the counter silently. Quinn set down the phone and slid it over to Matt, who picked it up without taking his eyes off Quinn.

“What seems to be the problem?” Matt asked, tone empty. It was devoid of everything and anything, not a trace of fear, anger, or any other emotion seeping from it.

“Looks like I dropped it a few too many times. I don’t think it wants to see me anymore,” Quinn replied, tone low and dangerous.

Matt glanced down at the phone momentarily as he tapped the home button to no avail, then looked back up at Quinn. He had picked up on Quinn’s implication easily, though he poured all his energy into remaining a blank slate. If Quinn couldn’t read him, he wouldn’t feel confident enough in his ability to instill fear and act on Matt.

“Do you have your student ID?”

Quinn grinned darkly. “Really? I think you already know what you need to.”

“Student ID?” Matt repeated firmly, holding out a hand expectantly.

Quinn’s grin slipped momentarily, then settled back into the smug smile he’d worn when he first arrived as he pulled his wallet from his pocket, slid his ID out, and set it not-so-gently in Matt’s hand.

Matt grabbed a bag and a marker, his gaze still on Quinn, only looking away to glance at the ID. It was true that he already knew almost everything he needed to write, but he refused to give Quinn the satisfaction of knowing that. Eyes on Quinn, Matt uncapped the marker and scribbled the other student’s information on a notepad before sliding the ID back across the counter. He slid the broken phone into the bag with the sheet from the notepad, then sealed it all shut. He wrote the date on the bag, the set down the marker and stepped back from the counter, not once breaking away from Quinn’s gaze.

“Come back on Friday for pickup,” Matt ordered. He then turned and stepped away, only for Quinn to call out again.

“I hope you can fix it. I would love to see it again.”

Matt stopped, face twitching. He made sure his expressionless mask was back in place before he turned his head to look over his shoulder.

“Maybe,” he said. “But some things are beyond saving.”

Without another word, Matt continued to the back room. He turned the corner as soon as he got there and set Quinn’s phone on the shelf. However, instead of going back out to continue working on the disassembled computer he’d been fixing before Quinn came in, he remained in the back room out of sight with a hand over his racing heart as he breathed slowly through the tightness in his chest. He stood there until the sound of footsteps reached his ears, then Cypress was leaning through the doorway with a confused look on her face.

“What’re you doing?” she asked, stepping back as Matt hesitantly stepped into the doorway. He discreetly glanced at the counter and let out a silent sigh of relief when he found it empty.

“Just thought I forgot about something,” Matt mumbled as he returned to his project. He caught Cypress looking at him with a raised eyebrow that showed she didn’t buy a word he said, though she said nothing.

For the rest of his shift, Matt did what he could despite the lingering tremor in his hands.

Chapter Text

Shiro’s Friday morning started with a heavy sigh as he opened his laptop and was met with a black screen.

“Really?” he mumbled sleepily, pushing the power button and swiping his finger all over touchpad for good measure. Nothing happened. There was no time to go to the IT Center, as the aviation fair was set to begin in half an hour. That was just enough time for Shiro to reach the aero park where the fair was happening.

Eurus yawned loudly from behind Shiro on his bed, purring contentedly when Shiro reached back to scratch her chin.

“Should I drop it off after the discovery flights, or do you think the IT Center will be closed by then?” Shiro asked Eurus, pulling his laptop shut and setting it aside.

Eurus simply stared at first, angry that he’d stopped petting her. She then stood and waddled to his nightstand where she batted at his phone.

“I can’t ask Matt. He’s helping with the aviation fair.”

Eurus blinked, then slapped at his phone once again before flopping down on his pillow.

Shiro shook his head and reached for the phone, bringing it life with a tap of the power button. There were a few messages from Matt waiting for him.

Matt: I got here really early

Matt: My dad insisted on waking up at 5am kill me

Matt: Text me when you get here

Matt: Set up didn’t take too long so now I have nothing to do

Matt: Are you coming today?

Matt: If you back out imma steal Eurus and drag ur whole ass to the hangar

Shiro let out an amused huff as he typed out a reply.

Shiro: I got up a bit late, but I’m about to head over. Please don’t steal Eurus, she’ll eat your glasses. Also, good luck dragging me anywhere. I weigh at least twice what you do

Matt’s reply came quickly.

Matt: Watch me

Matt: I have the power of god and anime on my side

Shiro: Is that one of those vine things

Matt: :0 ur learning

Shiro: I’ll see you soon, Matt

“Be good, Eurus,” he warned, eyeing his cat as he laced up his dress shoes. Eurus simply watched as he got to his feet and went out the door, the cat returning to Shiro’s room as the man’s footsteps faded.

-000-

“Hello, sir,” Shiro greeted, straightening his uniform.

Con’s eyes trailed over Shiro for a moment before he grunted his approval. “Good job remembering the uniform. I already had to send a few of the others back for theirz because they forgot them.”

Shiro nodded, folding his gloved hands behind his back as Con set down his pamphlets and began to rummage through a box under the table. He pulled out a large folder packed with papers and handed the entire thing to Shiro.

"Commander Holt will be running sign-ups for discovery flights. Take these to him and help him set the sheets up. The sign up will be digital and linked the phones of the pilots, but anyone who wishes to do a flight must sign a consent form in case of emergency. We don’t want any accidents, but this fair is for promoting aviation. Earning the school a lawsuit would do the opposite of what we want. Also, the folder has papers containing basic descriptions of the flights, as well as our aviation program, for anyone who might be interested,” Con explained, opening the folder and flipping through all the different sheets. “Let Commander Holt know that I have extra copies if he runs out.”

“Yes, sir,” Shiro replied, accepting the folder from Con.

“Good. After you get these papers to Commander Holt, his son will connect your phone to the flight sign ups,” Con ordered. “If you have any questions about anything electronic, ask him.”

Shiro smiled slightly at the mention of Matt, then gave Con a nod before heading off in search of the Holts. A glance at his phone told him he had only a few minutes left until the fair opened, so he broke into a light jog as he searched the hallways of the aero park building for two familiar faces.

“Shiro!”

Shiro’s head whipped to the side and his legs stumbled to a halt at the sound of his name. He found Matt waving at him from a table near he back entrance of the main lobby.

“Sorry I’m not very early. Where’s Sam? Con asked me to give him these sheets,” Shiro explained, waving the folder in the air.

“He just left to put up some signs for the discovery flights. The school decided to put the sign-up table here because there’s a good view of the runway, but we might be a little too hard to find without guidance.”

Shiro nodded in agreement, setting the folder on the table. He then slipped off his backpack, which contained homework and his computer, before starting to lay out the papers from the folder. The flights wouldn’t start until about half an hour into the fair, and pilots would have short breaks between their flights so the planes could be inspected for safety. Con had encouraged that Shiro talk to visitors whenever possible but had also warned that Shiro might have some extra downtime. He’d recommended bringing some homework to do while he waited, thus why Shiro had planned on bringing his laptop, though that plan had almost literally gone up in smoke.

“I was supposed to help my dad here at the sign-up table in case the tech went down, but the second-year aviation student recruited to lead visitors to and from the flights said he was sick and couldn’t do it. I’ve been in the hangars a few times with my dad, so I guess I’ll be filling in for him,” Matt commented, peeking out the large window behind them to see the hangar.

“Really?” Shiro responded with slight surprise, lining up the last of the sheets. He didn’t know Matt had ever actually been to the aero park campus even though Sam worked there. He’d assumed that Matt was usually at the IT Center.

“It’s pretty nice in there, but the Wi-Fi is terrible,” Matt complained, crossing his arms with a sigh.

Shiro huffed with amusement, shaking his head as he took a seat behind the table and opened his bag. He pulled out his busted laptop and set it on his lap as he searched for a pencil.

“Oh, give me your phone. I gotta’ sync it with the sign-up sheet,” Matt remembered as his eyes landed on Shiro’s laptop. The aviation student set his laptop on the floor next to his bag and stood, digging his phone from his pocket to hand it over. He stopped only to type in the passcode.

“Thanks,” Shiro stated as Matt swiped and tapped at his phone, quickly pulling up the sign-up sheet. The IT students tested the link by typing gibberish on the computer on the table which held the source document, then smiled when the changes appeared on Shiro’s phone just moments later.             

“I can sync your laptop to get notifications, too. That way you can do homework without worrying about losing track of time and missing a flight,” Matt offered as he handed Shiro’s phone back.

Shiro shook his head. “That’s okay. It actually isn’t working again. I’ll drop it off tomorrow after the IT Center opens, since I’ll probably be here late.” Usually he had his mechanics class later in the evening, but Con had spoken to his professor and gotten him out of the class for the night so he could focus on the fair. Since Shiro was a diligent student, his mechanics professor didn’t mind at all and had even offered to help him catch up the following Monday if needed.

“Want me to work on it? I brought my tools in case the sign-up computer went down, and I’ll have a lot of downtime during flights that I could work on it. I know everyone working today is supposed to talk to visitors about the program to help with recruitment, but as the computer nerd in residence, I could play candy crush on my phone the whole time for all the school cares,” Matt explained.

Shiro raised his eyebrows in surprise, then picked up his computer and held it out for Matt. “Uh. That’d be great. If you could. Don’t worry about it if you get busy, though.”

Matt smiled and accepted the laptop, his eyes lighting up as he quickly scrutinized the outside before reaching for his tool bag.

Shiro didn’t notice the content smile that settled onto his face as he watched Matt work until a familiar voice called out to them.

“Hey, you two. Good morning, Shiro,” Sam greeted, a role of tape in one hand and a medium-sized poster in the other. The man crouched in front of the sign-up table and taped the last poster to the front below the laptop, then he tossed the rest of the tape in a storage bin under the table.

“Good morning, sir,” Shiro replied, his expression shifting into a polite smile. He saw Matt give his father a small wave as if it was an afterthought, not once looking up from Shiro’s laptop. The younger man was clearly engrossed in his work.

Sam shook his head at his son, though his lips were turned up in a smile. His gaze moved to the papers on the table.

“Those are the consent forms and informational sheets from Instructor Con. He asked me to give them to you, but I set them out since you were busy. Everything should be there, and if you run out of papers, Con should have more,” Shiro explained, waving a hand over the tall stacks.

Sam nodded. “Thank you, Shiro. I hear you’re taking the first flight today?” he asked.

“Yes, sir. We’ll be loading up in thirty minutes unless no one signs up before them. Each flight is twenty minutes with a predicted ten minutes of wait time before taking off and after landing. There are three of us doing the flights with four people to a plane including the pilot, so we should be able to get quite a few people in the air today,” Shiro explained.

“Good luck, and stay safe,” Sam said, then the echoes of voices reached their ears as the doors opened and visitors entered the building.

-000-

As planned, Shiro was headed out for his first flight thirty minutes after the doors opened. His first group contained three high school students who had been a bit shy around Shiro in the beginning. They’d been rather quiet at first, not quite willing to talk to anyone but Matt, but after Matt kept looking to and talking to Shiro, the students had relaxed a bit and started including him.

When the group reached Shiro’s plane, Shiro and Matt helped the three inside and checked their doors, then Matt double-checked Shiro’s after the older man got in the plane. The IT student gave his friend a smile and a thumbs up, which Shiro returned, then Matt jogged back to the main building while Shiro got the plane in motion.

The flight wasn’t too eventful, the kids asking a few questions only before take-off. They were far more excited by the view once they got in the air and didn’t talk to Shiro much. He only had to ask them not to move so much once, careful to assure they wouldn’t slip out of their seatbelts.

By the time the group reached the ground, the kids were talking excitedly. Their eyes were full of light as Shiro herded them back to the building and gathered up his next crew with the help of Matt.

To Shiro’s relief, no one was as intimidated by him as he expected. Those who looked at him with unease calmed down a bit as Matt and Shiro talked to them, and no one’s fear remained by the end of the flight. A few younger children had even convinced Shiro to give them a fist bump, while older kids had asked about how he got into the program and how they could sign up.

By the time his lunch break arrived at nearly two in the afternoon, Shiro had yet to have a bad encounter. The biggest issue he’d encountered was a kid who had been too excited and nearly fell getting out of the plane but had caught herself at the last second. Her mother scolded her and apologized to Shiro, who was simply glad that the girl was okay. He’d had a few good encounters that stuck out to him too, including a little girl who returned to the discovery flight table shortly after going up in the plane with her parents and gave Shiro a colorful scribble of what appeared to be him standing in front of his plane with a smile on his face. He’d accepted the drawing with a smile, and carefully deposited it in his backpack.

“I think you should invest in a better laptop,” Matt admitted through a mouthful of McDonalds fries as he ate with Shiro during the pilot’s lunch break. The pair were seated alone in the staff break room.

Shiro frowned. “Is it beyond repair?” he asked.

Matt shook his head. “I can fix it, I just need to find a few parts. It’s old, though, and some programs will just stop working because they’re no longer supported. Also, you’d be better off with something a little more reliable,” he explained.

Shiro nodded, tossing the plastic container from his sandwich into a nearby recycling bin.

“I guess. Money’s a bit tight, though, so it’ll probably be a while before I can get a new one,” he explained, cringing as he thought about how expensive some of the computers he’d looked into had been.

“There’s some used ones online that are in good shape. Want me to let you know if I find any that aren’t as expensive?” Matt offered.

“Uh, sure. Thanks,” Shiro replied, checking his phone. He felt as if he’d just sat down, but only five minutes remained in his break. He quickly stood and brushed a few crumbs from his uniform, which he straightened out carefully.

“Is it time for you to go back out?” Matt asked, poking at the last of his fries. When Shiro nodded, the IT student grabbed the remaining fries in his container and practically inhaled them. He wiped his hands on a napkin and gathered all his trash, which he tossed in a nearby bin before looking to Shiro.

“You didn’t need to rush,” Shiro commented, earning a shrug from Matt.

“Would you rather see me bring my fries back out to the table and get greasy salt everywhere?” Matt countered.

Shiro nodded. “True.”

The pair made sure they were free of grease and crumbs before they returned to the sign-up table. It wasn’t long before they were walking Shiro’s next group out to the hangar and loading up. Unfortunately, they encountered a bit of an issue when one of the visitors got cold feet.

“I’m so sorry. I wanted to go up, but, uh… I’m actually really afraid of heights. I don’t think I can do it,” the visitor explained, his breaths short and quick.

“It’s okay,” Shiro assured, giving the teen a comforting smile. “Take a minute and breath, alright? No one’s gonna’ make you go. If you don’t want to go up, then Matt here can walk you back to the building.”

The visitor was still shaking, and Shiro found himself gently setting a hand on their shoulder. “It’s alright, I promise,” Shiro said.

Matt stepped up and set a hand on the visitor’s back, coaxing them into stepping away from the plane. Shiro watched them go, waiting until they were a safe distance away before he got into the plane and started the engine.

In the back seats of the plane, the remaining passengers gave the teen who stayed behind a wave. Shiro smiled and glanced back as the propeller on the front of the plane kicked into high gear, stirring up the air in the hangar. He caught a glimpse of Matt, who was watching with a small smile on his face. The IT student had his hair down, and the long strands danced around his face. The sight made Shiro stare for just a moment, mesmerized, before his mind snapped back to the job before him.

Shiro started the plane toward the runway and prepared to takeoff with that single, simple moment lingering in the back of his mind.

-000-

After Shiro’s plane left for the runway, Matt walked the teen who’d stayed behind back to the main building and helped them find their parents before returning to the sign-up table. There he found Sam scratching his head as he poked at the computer.

“Is everything okay?” Matt asked, peeking over his father’s shoulder to see the computer screen.

Sam frowned. “For now, but the laptop’s battery is getting low. I’m not sure that it’ll last until the end of the fair,” the man explained. He crouched down to dig in the bin under the table but stood back up empty-handed. “I can’t find the charger anywhere. Could you go check the car?” he asked.

“Sure. I need to take the next group to the hangar, but I’ll have some time after that to go look.”

“Text me if you can’t find it. If we have to, I’ll start shutting it unless people are signing up so it lasts longer.”

Matt gave his father a nod, then headed to the back doors in search of his next group. They were all waiting, ready to go, and greeted Matt distractedly before returning their focus to their conversation. Matt quickly escorted the group to the hangar, made sure they got in the plane safely, then returned to the building.

“I can go now,” Matt told his father, gesturing toward the front door. He waited as Sam dug around in his pocket and held out a set of keys. Matt took them and spun on his heel, heading for the door with a discontented expression. He wasn’t too fond of wading through large crowds, but it was the only way to get to the front door. With a deep breath, he began to struggle his way through.

Just as Matt thought he was in the clear, outside and past the throngs of people cluttering the entryway and hallways, a familiar voice caught him off guard.

“Why the sour look? It’s not nearly as approachable as a smile.”

Matt stiffened, stopping for just a moment as his mind hurried to catch up. He then started moving again, determined to ignore the person approaching him. Unfortunately, walking wasn’t a fast means of escape, and he found himself forced to stop as the object of his wariness moved to block his path.

Steeling himself, Matt slipped into a shielded expression before lifting his chin to look Quinn in the eye. “What are you doing here?” he demanded, voice low.

“Ooo, scary,” Quinn taunted with a mocking smile as he crossed his arms over his chest in an attempt to look imposing. “I’m here for the fair. Seeing you is just a bonus. But what’s no one’s favorite computer geek doing around here?”

“Working.”

Quinn frowned at Matt’s answer but didn’t respond to it. Instead he chose a different route of conversation.

“So, is my phone fixed yet?”

“I don’t know. You’d have to go in and ask whoever’s working.”

“Aw, come on. We both know you’re quite familiar with phones. I’m sure fixing one doesn’t take you three days.”

“I didn’t work yesterday or today.”

“You worked Wednesday.”

“I had other projects to do.”

“Really? Was any of it for that huge guy with the nose scar? I always thought you were an introvert, but you two seem pretty chummy.”

Matt couldn’t help but flinch at Quinn’s words, causing a look of satisfaction to slide across the latter’s face.

“Is little Matthew branching out in college? Hm?” Quinn teased, earning a glare from Matt.

“That’s none of your business.”

“Looks like someone’s gotten awful confident recently.”

“Maybe.”

“Sounds like you’ve gotten more interesting.”

“Sounds like you haven’t changed at all.”

It was Quinn’s turn to scowl as Matt failed to deliver any signs of fear or intimidation, instead responding to his old bully’s barking with his own bite.

“True. I’m sure I could still throw you across a room. Or will you’re friend step in? What is he, a bodyguard? Is he as strong as he looks, or is he one of those cheap guys who can bench a few hundred pounds but can’t throw a punch to save his life?”

Matt narrowed his eyes, jaw tensing. “What does it matter to you?” he hissed.

“Ooo,” Quinn began. He leaned forward, getting close enough that Matt could still hear him as he dropped his voice. “Did that strike a nerve? Maybe he isn’t your bodyguard. You paying him to hang around? How else could someone stand being stuck around you all day?” Quinn asked accusingly, a wicked grin on his face.

“He’s my friend,” Matt growled.

Quinn laughed as if he’d just been told a good joke, though there was darkness hidden in the tone. Something malicious. “No way,” he stated. “You managed to find, not only someone who can listen to you talk without snapping their own neck, but someone like you? Or is he one of those dumbasses who doesn’t care?” Quinn questioned, eyebrows raised in disbelief. A moment later his expression suddenly shifted, taking on a look of slight shock as he came to a realization. “Or, maybe…. He doesn’t know?”

Matt gave no response, clenching his fists at his sides. He wanted to lash out so badly, his muscles itching to show Quinn what he’d learned recently. However, he knew why Quinn was holding himself back from making their argument physical as he did in the past. They were in the middle of public, surrounded by people. Throwing a single punch would draw too much attention and get them both in trouble.

“Oh, am I right?” Quinn asked, stepping closer so he and Matt were just inches apart. “Lying to your friend? Really? You’re worse than me,” Quinn accused. He furrowed his eyebrows in thought. “What do you think will happen when he finds out? You know it’ll happen someday. Do you honestly think he’ll just say ‘okay’ and move on with it? How do you know he won’t do the smart thing and run like hell?” He paused. “Unless he thinks you need a little more of a warning.”

Matt reflexively raised a hand to his hip, fingers resting over a space just a few inches above the bone. The scar beneath his shirt tingled as Quinn’s veiled threat started digging at memories Matt had long-since repressed.

Quinn seemed to take notice, an evil smile splitting his face. “It looks like you remember. I was a bit worried you’d forgotten. It’s been a few years, after all. I was just starting to think you might need a little reminder. I guess I could always step up and do it,” he began, cracking his knuckles loudly and huffing in amusement when Matt involuntarily jumped, “but what’s the fun in that?”

Matt stood his ground as Quinn advanced upon him little by little. He told himself that he was fine, that Quinn couldn’t jump him in the middle of a crowd, but deep down he knew it wasn’t the physical attacks that had left a lasting wound. It was the way Quinn had gotten into his head day after day the same way he was now. The words were easy to ignore once or twice, but a constant barrage left him with doubts no matter how many times he tried to shake the thoughts away. A black eye would fade, but words got stuck in his mind whether he wanted them or not.

“Maybe I should talk to your friend.”

Matt stiffened.

“I’m sure he’d love to know what you really are. He’d never trust you again. Who would? No one likes a creep, even if he’s a twiggy bitch. I’d love to see the look on his face when I tell him yo-“

“Leave Shiro out of this,” Matt growled, his anger beginning to boil as he lunged forward, forcing Quinn to step back so they wouldn’t collide. Quinn’s eyebrow quirked in annoyance, pulling at the small strip of scar tissue cutting through it. However, he was not intimidated, giving Matt a condescending look as if he was nothing more than an ant.

“You really like him, don’t you? Why? He’s nothing but an oversized protein shake from, what, China? Is he a math major? Does he even have a brain, or is he some muscle-head idiot? Maybe that’s how he can stand your stupid rambling all-“

“Shut up.”

Quinn paused as Matt cut him off, blinking in surprise. It was clear that he was not accustomed to this new Matt at all, one that was angrier and less afraid, interrupting and biting back. Matt still flinched, but now he got right back in Quinn’s face instead of backing down. Quinn had thought he was winning, that he’d struck enough nerves that Matt would have felt defeated. In the past that may have worked, but not now. Not anymore. Matt wasn’t getting scared; he was getting pissed.

Matt himself was shaking. At first, he’d put on a front of fake confidence despite his fear to show that he wouldn’t take Quinn’s shit anymore, but then Quinn had mentioned Shiro and Matt found himself filled with burning anger. Both emotions circulated within him, strong enough to feel like a raging storm within his mind with waves that broke like bombs. Before he could lose his confidence, Matt stepped into Quinn’s face and fixed him with the most hateful glare he could muster.

“You don’t deserve to even look at Shiro, and you don’t get to talk shit about him. He’s better than you ever will be. Neither of us give a single shit about you, or what you think. Now. Fuck. Off.”

Before Quinn could reply, Matt pushed past him and continued into the parking lot. He fought every fiber of his being to keep his tremors at bay until he was sure he was out of Quinn’s view, then his hands were shaking so bad that he fumbled Sam’s car keys as he pulled them from his pocket. His vision blurred as mixed-emotion tears sprang to his eyes, and he wiped them away hastily to keep his face dry. If he returned to the building with tear stains, his father would ask questions.

When Matt finally got into the car, he rummaged through the junk in the backseat until he found the laptop charger. He took it with him as he got out and slammed the car door a little harder than necessary, then smashed the lock button on the key fob over and over as the car chirped behind him. By the time he reached the building, his tears were gone, and his trembles had been reduced to slight twitches in his finger like aftershocks of the earthquake that had broken him just moments ago.

-000-    

Back in the building, Sam didn’t seem to notice anything when Matt returned with the charger. Instead he was focused on explaining the different options available in the aviation industry to a young wannabe-pilot. The distraction gave Matt time to make sure he was completely composed before Sam was able to get a good look at him. The man had been trained to read people, and if Matt wasn’t careful, he’d be an open book under his father’s scrutinizing eyes.

Thankfully for Matt, Sam said nothing after finishing his conversation. He simply thanked his son for his errand and allowed him to resume his work on Shiro’s laptop. The device needed some parts replaced in order for it to be functional, none of which Matt had on him, but the work was a welcome distraction from his thoughts and worries. He did everything he could think of to make the laptop last a little longer, tuning up whatever he could to pass the time even though there was ultimately nothing much to be done.

Matt was in a haze for the rest of the fair, smiling to be polite when he needed to as he walked flight groups to the hangar in back. He didn’t fully return to the land of the living until Sam tapped him on the shoulder to inform him that Shiro was bringing back the last group from the flights. After what Quinn said, the thought of seeing Shiro brought Matt a mixture of calm and unease, though he brushed the thoughts from his mind with a shake of his head. He couldn’t let Quinn’s words get to him. He didn’t know Shiro like Matt did, and Matt knew Shiro wasn’t as shallow as Quinn implied. If the secrets Matt kept ever did cause a problem, he’d cross that bridge when he got there.

With his face set in determination, Matt headed to the hangar.

-000-

After Shiro dropped off his last group, the mechanics showed up to take care of his plane. After all the starting, stopping, and flying it had undergone that day, it needed to be checked thoroughly to ensure it was still in top condition before classes resumed and students went up in it for training.

Without anything else to do in the hangar, Shiro returned to the aero park building with Matt. He noticed the IT student was a little tense but decided against asking. It’d been a long day, so he was probably just tired.

The pair found themselves thrown into the clean-up efforts when they got back to the sign-up table as the last few visitors were on their way out. Sam had already packed up their table and directed the two students to other sections to work. They mostly folded tables, dragged chairs back to the classrooms they’d been borrowed from, and picked tape off the walls where signs had been sloppily torn down.

Once they couldn’t find anything else to do, Shiro and Matt tracked down Sam. They found the man packing boxes and tables into his car without much luck.

“Are we taking all of that home?” Matt asked, tilting his head in confusion.

“While I was packing up our tables, Con asked if I’d hold onto some boxes for a few days. His office was filled to the brim with junk while the aviation division was planning the fair, so he doesn’t have anywhere to put it right now. I figured I could just leave all this in the garage or the basement for a few days until he could take it,” Sam explained, nudging one of the boxes on the ground with his foot. He frowned. “I seem to have overestimated how much I can fit in the car, though.”

Matt sighed as his father let out an amused chuckle, then turned to Shiro. “Save me,” he deadpanned, eyeing the boxes warily. “I’m gonna end up buried in boxes on the way home.”

Shiro furrowed his brow in thought, then looked to Sam. “Want help? I have some extra room in my car. I can take whatever doesn’t fit in yours and drop it off for you,” he offered.

Sam’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, and he grinned happily. “Good idea, thanks,” he replied.

“In that case, I might be able to get your computer back to you today,” Matt interjected, looking at Shiro. “It needs some parts I have at home, but the fix shouldn’t take to long. If you don’t mind hanging around for a few minutes I can get it back to you before you leave.”

Shiro found himself glancing at Sam in search of approval, not wanting to trouble the Holts if they were busy.

“I don’t see why not,” Sam said. “Besides, my wife, Colleen, has been dying to meet you. It’s been a while since Matt’s spent much time around someone who isn’t a coworker at the IT Center.”

Matt scowled. “The world simply cannot handle my presence. The power of my memes is too great!”

“Or do people just run away when you star eating chips while laying down?” Shiro challenged with an amused smile.

“Matthew!” Sam scolded, his face turning into a frown of disapproval. “How many times have your mother and I told you not to eat while laying down?”

Matt shot Shiro a look of mock anger. “Betrayal!” he hissed.

The three broke into light laughter, though it soon came to a close as Sam took note of the nearly-empty parking lot around them.

“Well, we should get going before it gets too late. Shiro, why don’t you bring your car over so we can load it up?”

Ten minutes later the last of the boxes were slid into the backseat of Shiro’s car, and Sam handed Shiro a torn section of paper with a hasty scribble.

“This is our address. You can just follow behind us, but if we get separated at a light or by another car, go there,” Sam explained.

Shiro nodded, then jogged to the driver’s seat of his car as Sam climbed into his own vehicle. Then the Holts were gone, Shiro following close behind.

-000-

Shiro’s eyebrows rose as he pulled into the driveway of a house with an impressive garden in the front yard. Dozens of flowers of multiple varieties danced in the evening light. Many other plants Shiro didn’t even recognize were mixed in with the flowers, everything vibrant and green.

Pulling his eyes away from the garden, Shiro killed the engine of his car and climbed out, meeting Matt and Sam between the cars.

“Where do you want everything to go?” Shiro asked.

“I’d like to put it all in the garage if we can, but first,” Sam paused, turning to his son. “Matt, how about you start on Shiro’s computer? It’s starting to get late, and I don’t want him to be stuck waiting around too long.”

“Sure,” Matt chirped, clearly happier with the technology-related task than with the thought of moving all the table and boxes. He grabbed his bag from the car and jogged toward the front door as Shiro and Sam turned to the cars.

It took at least fifteen minutes for the pair to relocate all the junk from their vehicles to the garage. The process of manhandling the large tables and heavy boxes out of the cars, into the garage, then trying to find space in the garage without cluttering the whole area was more difficult than they’d imagined. In the end, while the tables were returned to the nook in the corner where they’d come from, the boxes had ended up in creative stacks wherever room could be found.

As Shiro set the last box on top of a stack nearly as tall as he was himself, Sam sighed loudly.

“Well, that took a little more work than I expected,” the man commented, brushing dust off his hands.

Shiro nodded. “Is there anything else that needs to be done?” he asked, looking around.

“Nope. Thanks for all your help, though. I probably would be making a second trip right now if you hadn’t lent a hand.” Sam turned and headed toward the front door, gesturing for Shiro to follow. “Come on in for a bit,” he said.

Shiro followed, hesitating as he stepped through the entryway into the house. He slipped his shoes off and set them aside neatly near Matt’s hastily removed sneakers, then followed Sam further into the house.

A woman with hair just a shade lighter than Matt’s was standing in the living room, eyes on the TV as she folded towels from the laundry. She glanced back when Sam and Shiro entered the room and smiled at the sight of her husband. Sam stepped forward to greet her with a hug, then turned to face Shiro.

“Honey, this is Matt’s friend and one of my students, Shirogane,” Sam stated, gesturing to Shiro.

To Shiro’s surprise, instead of eyeing him warily, the woman gave Shiro a kind smile and held out a hand. “I’m Colleen, Matt’s mom. It’s great to finally meet you, Shirogane,” she said.

Shiro offered a polite smile and shook her hand in greeting. “Just Shiro is fine, and it’s nice to meet you too, ma’am.” He paused, releasing her hand, then gestured back toward the front of the house. “You’ve got am impressive garden out there.”

Colleen’s eyes lit up with an excited spark the same way Matt’s did when he spoke about computers. “Thank you, though that little thing is just for fun. It has nothing on my greenhouse. I’m a botanist,” she explained.

“Ah, I see where Matt gets his intelligence from,” Shiro replied, impressed.

Colleen chuckled, and Sam gasped in mock betrayal. The scene left Shiro feeling a little less tense than he had when he first walked in, the light atmosphere not nearly as intimidating as he’d expected.               

"Shiro!”

Shiro turned at the sound of his name and spotted Matt slipping through a dark doorway that appeared to lead to the basement, Shiro’s laptop in one arm with a pile of parts and scraps balanced on top of it. A screwdriver tumbled from where it rested on the laptop as Matt struggled to push the door shut with another larger screwdriver in his other hand. The younger man seemed to give up after a moment when he grabbed the screwdriver in his hand with his teeth so he could grip the door properly and close it.

“A’ a’o ‘on,” he garbled around the screwdriver. When the door finally shut, he tried to sink down to pick up the screwdriver on the floor, but the pile on the laptop started to slip and made him stop.

“Careful!” Shiro jogged forward and picked the screwdriver off the floor, then grabbed a few parts off the pile as they started to slip again.

“’han,” Matt tried. He frowned, then picked the screwdriver from his mouth with his free hand and set it in the now-smaller pile so he could carry Shiro’s laptop with two hands. “Thanks,” he tried again, finally able to speak. He then nodded toward a hallway that branched off the living room and started walking.

Shiro hesitantly followed, then glanced back at Sam and Colleen.

Be careful, Matt. And make sure he doesn’t swallow another screw, Shiro,” Sam called out, causing Shiro to look at Matt with raised eyebrows.

“It was one time!” Matt complained over his shoulder, drawing a laugh from his parents.

Matt stopped in front of an ajar door and nudged it open with his foot before heading in. Shiro followed, finding himself in a decent-sized room plastered with various posters and cluttered by boxes and piles of just about everything.

“Sorry for the mess. I just finished a big project recently and haven’t gotten the chance to clean up,” Matt explained, shoving things aside with his feet to clear up space on the floor. He settled next to an open tool bag, setting down the load in his arms on the floor in front of him. Shiro stepped over to the clear space just a moment later, sitting across from Matt in the small open space. He ended up leaning back against Matt’s bed with his legs crossed as he carefully set down the things in his hands, then watched as Matt efficiently opened up his laptop and started snipping wires as if they were all labeled with a specific function instead of being plain and identical.

“How do you know which one is which?” Shiro asked, leaning forward to look at all the little chips and wires in his laptop. It wasn’t nearly as complex as newer ones must have been, but simply thinking about what each and every piece might do gave him a headache.

“It’s hard to tell sometimes, but most wires can just be traced back to whatever they’re hooked up to. Or its just obvious,” Matt stated simply, removing a few pieces from the laptop. He then went quiet, lost in his own little world as he snipped, pulled, replaced, and repaired each piece of the laptop that seemed to be failing. It was more than impressive to Shiro, who hadn’t even known how to connect to the internet when he first got the laptop years before.

Matt’s concentration seemed to break as he was working on one last section, and he let out an annoyed growl. “Pidge! Can I borrow one of your picks for a minute?” he shouted, poking at something with his screwdriver. He looked up at Shiro. “Does Eurus sit on this a lot?” he asked.

Shiro tilted his head as he contemplated. “Uh, yeah, kind of.”

“Your fans are full of cat hair.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s fine, but you’ll need to keep an eye on that so it doesn’t clog up the fans and overheat your laptop.”

The sound of light footsteps made Shiro and Matt both look to the door just before it swung open and a young girl peeked her head in. Her hair was cut short and looked strikingly similar to how Matt’s did before it grew out during the semester. She had her eyes on Matt, though her gaze quickly shifted to Shiro as she realized there was a stranger in the room. She stepped silently into the room, tossing what looked like a small screwdriver with a spike on the end like a pencil instead of the head of a screwdriver toward Matt.

“Thanks,” Matt said, grabbing the pick off the ground as it rolled to a stop. “That’s Shiro, by the way,” he said, gesturing to Shiro with the pick before setting to work with the laptop.

Shiro gave the girl, who he now recognized as Matt’s younger sister, a small smile and wave.

Pidge returned the wave, then stepped out, footsteps light as she left.

“She gets a little shy around strangers, but once you get to know her, she’s the furthest thing from an introvert that a person could possibly be,” Matt informed, not even looking up.

Shiro hummed in understanding after realizing Matt couldn’t see him nod, then resumed watching his friend work on the laptop.

It seemed as if Shiro had been watching Matt work for mere minutes when the younger man tightened the last screw on Shiro’s laptop while reassembling it. The IT student flipped it right-side-up, then opened it and poked the power button. The laptop whirred to life, and Matt smiled. He allowed it to boot up completely, then turned it off and handed it over to Shiro.

“Thanks for your help. I’m not sure what I would have done to get my homework done on time this weekend,” Shiro said, shutting the laptop. He gave Matt a smile, which the IT student returned.

“Whenever you need help with tech, just let me know,” Matt said. “You can even take it to the IT Center if you want and leave it for me to fix. That way you don’t have to pay the fees.”

“Are you sure it’s alright with you?” Shiro asked, feeling a bit guilty about having his friend fix his laptop without asking for anything in return.

“First of all, yes, we’re friends, and I don’t charge friends,” Matt explained, his words sending a wave of warmth through Shiro’s chest. “Second,” he began, “you’ve been helping me out a lot recently, with all this bullshit from Quinn. Fixing your stuff is the least I can do.”

Shiro shook his head. “Like you said, there’s no need to charge friends.”

Matt smiled, and Shiro found it infectious. The two ended up simply watching each other, content, happy with the friendship they’d built between them in the recent months.

“Matt! Are you almost finished? It’s getting late!” Colleen called, pulling Shiro and Matt back to the present.

“Yeah, one second mom!” Matt shouted in return. He hurriedly started picking up all his tools and shoving them into his bag, then got to his feet and brushed off his hands.

Shiro rose just after Matt, then followed him out to the living room where Sam and Colleen were sat on the couch, watching TV.

“Did you get your laptop back?” Sam asked as Shiro walked into the room.

Shiro nodded, holding up the laptop for the older man to see. “I’ll get going. Thank you for having me, though.”

Colleen smiled. “You’re welcome here anytime, Shiro,” she offered, getting a thankful nod from Shiro.

Shiro and Matt headed to the door, Matt walking Shiro out to his car without bothering to put his shoes on despite the cool temperatures outside. The Sun had already dipped below the horizon, the last rays of light fading away.

“Thanks again,” Shiro said as he pulled open the front door of his car. He leaned against the frame, not getting in quite yet.

“No problem,” Matt replied, the smile from earlier returning to his face. “Be careful on your way back. Deer are probably out by now.”

“I will.”

Shiro gave Matt a wave, then dropped into the driver’s seat and pulled his door shut. The engine rumbled to life when he twisted the key in the ignition, the headlights illuminating the house as he reached for his seatbelt.

Matt returned Shiro’s wave, then slowly backed away before turning and jogging into the house. Shiro waited until he was back inside and the door had closed before he threw the car in reverse.

Driving through the darkness, Shiro made his way back to the university as the winds began to pick up. He passed a tree covered in dead leaves that swayed in the wind, and suddenly a memory from earlier that day came back to him. His face melted into a gentle smile as he thought of that moment in the hangar when he looked back at Matt, the younger man’s loose hair stirred up by the turbulence the plane’s propeller had produced. The image couldn’t seem to leave his mind, though part of him knew it was because he didn’t want it to.

Chapter Text

Sunday morning, Shiro woke to a text from Matt

Matt: My dad has a meeting tonight with the Board of Trustees and the aviation staff at the University

Matt: Ig the fair on Friday was really successful

Matt: A lot of people were giving positive feedback on the discovery flights

Matt: I think you were a fan favorite :0

Matt: Or maybe it was my exceptional navigation skills and impressive sign-up computer

Shiro let out a huff of laughter as he scrolled through the messages, then threw off his blankets so he could sit up.

Shiro: I'm sure that's exactly what it was

Matt: Smart is the new sexy

Shiro: Until smart trips over air because he was on his phone while walking

Matt: Hey that happened oNE TIME

Shiro: Suuuure

Matt: As if you've never walked while on your phone

Shiro: I don't trip

Matt: Sounds fake

Matt: If you can fly a plane blindfolded Ill believe u

Shiro: I'm not doing that

Matt: So you DO trip

Shiro: How are those even related

Matt:

Matt: Because I said so

Shiro: Okay?

Shiro set his phone down so he could change his clothes, returning to it after a brief shower while running his fingers through the wet mop on his forehead.

Shiro: What're you doing today?

Matt responded after just a few seconds.

Matt: I have to work -_-

Shiro: I thought you liked your job

Matt: My job yes

Matt: The people no

Matt: Also my dad's meeting is late tonight so I'll be stuck here all day

Shiro: Do you need a ride home?

Matt: Nah its fine

Matt: If I wait he'll buy me food on the way home

Shiro: So food is all it takes to bribe you?

Matt: McDonalds is worth it

Shiro: Worth being horribly unhealthy?

Matt: Its fine in moderation

Shiro: You had McDonalds two days ago

Matt: Ssshhhhhhhhshsh we don't need to count that

Shiro: How do you not get sick from eating fast food so much

Matt: Its another one of my talents

Matt: I often combine it with my talent for eating while laying down

Shiro: And what do your parents think of that?

Matt: They don't need to know everything

Matt: Btw don't tell my dad again

Matt: He told my mom

Matt: I got the neutral face of disappointment

Shiro: Sounds bad?

Matt: The worst

Matt: My shift starts in a min

Matt: Ill ttyl

Shiro: Have fun

Shiro slipped his phone into his pocket and sighed aloud, looking around the room for something to do. He'd taken care of his homework the previous day, and he'd exercised the previous night.

A loud 'meow' from the other room drew Shiro's attention, and he followed it to the source to find Eurus sitting next to her food dish. It wasn't quite empty, but there wasn't much left.

"I know, one second," Shiro told her, crouching next to the plastic tub of food he kept next to the dish. He pried off the lid and reached for the cup inside, scooping up kibble that he dumped into Eurus' dish. He returned to the tub to scoop up a little more and found himself staring at the plastic bottom of the tub.

Glancing over his shoulder, Shiro found Eurus giving him a knowing look. He sighed. "Okay, I get it. I'll go buy more," he promised, lifting the tub so he could pour most of what was left into her dish.

Replacing the lid, Shiro put the tub back against the wall and reached over to pet Eurus, who was happily eating her kibble and clearly very pleased with herself. He then got to his feet and hunted for his wallet in the dorm. Once he had what he needed, he headed for the door hoping cat food had gone on sale.

-000-

By the time Matt's shift was over, he thought his hands were broken. He enjoyed the challenge of fixing broken tech, though he didn't enjoy the way that holding tiny screwdrivers and pliers made his hand cramp, or the way everything seemed to be out to burn his fingers. There hadn't been many customers arriving to pick up or drop off their tech, which was usually the way he preferred it. However, fewer customers meant more time fixing tech. To make matters worse, there were four phones, a TV, and three laptops that needed to be fixed by Monday and the other employee who'd been scheduled to work with Matt called in sick. That left the entire batch up to Matt alone, and his eight-hour shift turned into a twelve hour one without any breaks between projects.

After leaving a note for the opening employee the following morning, Matt locked up the IT Center and pulled out his phone. It was just after eight. His father's meeting had been scheduled to start at six and last about two hours, but the lack of his father's car in the parking lot or a text about him being on his way told Matt the meeting was running long.

With a heavy sigh, Matt wandered over to the window at the end of the hall. It was dark out, the sun setting around seven o'clock at night as winter approached. He wasn't one to enjoy walking around at night, especially when cougars had recently been spotted in the area, but he didn't have much to do.

"I could see what Shiro is up to," Matt pondered aloud, turning and heading for the stairs. He descended slowly while scrolling on his phone, searching for Shiro's contact. However, he ended up deciding against the idea. He wasn't sure how long Sam would be, and he didn't want to bother Shiro in the case that they might decide to meet up only for Sam's meeting to get done around the same time.

Matt zipped up his hoodie before he stepped out of the building into the cool night. The slight breeze made him shiver, and he made a mental note to get a heavier coat out soon so he wouldn't freeze.

With his hands shoved deep into his pockets and his head down, Matt started toward the aviation building. It was somewhat far from the IT Center, located on the outskirts of campus. The walk was enough to make Matt raise an eyebrow at the thought of Shiro going to and from there every day. The only time he'd known of Shiro driving to the campus was the day of the aviation fair. How he managed to make the trek in a decent time, especially once snow started to pile up on the ground in winter, Matt didn't know.

The temperature seemed to drop as Matt walked, and he quickly took a detour into a random building in search of a reprieve from the cold. He pulled out his phone to waste time as he waited for the red to fade from his fingers, then he shoved the phone back into his pocket and headed back outside.

Matt had just made it out the door when someone crossed the sidewalk in front of him. He didn't bother to look up at them, keeping his chin tucked into the fabric of his hood which he'd bunched up around his neck for more warmth. However, he sent the person a glance when they suddenly stopped in front of him. The eyes he met made him freeze.

Quinn started at Matt blankly, his cheeks slightly red from the cold. He said nothing and didn't move, simply staring. It was creepy in a way, so much so that Matt turned around where he stood. He'd told Quinn to leave him alone once; he could do it again. Besides, if worst came to worse, his training with Shiro hadn't been useless.

"A bit rude to ignore someone."

Matt stopped, tipping his head back and releasing a deep sigh before turning around to face Quinn.

"You really have grown a pair; brushing me off on Friday, ignoring me today," Quinn stated, face still blank.

"Didn't I tell you to leave me alone already?" Matt asked coolly.

"I believe the words you used were 'fuck off,' but sure," Quinn replied, taking a step forward. "Doesn't mean I have to listen."

Quinn's eyebrows quirked in annoyance, then his hand shot out faster than Matt could react. It struck Matt's shoulder, making him stumble back a few steps.

"I don't appreciate being told what to do," Quinn said, tone low and dangerous. His neutral expression was crackling, twisting into something angry. "I don't like little bitches who get up in my face thinking they're all that."

"And I'm supposed to care, why?" Matt asked, putting up an undaunted front as he planted his feet on the ground.

"Because you seem to have forgotten your place. Maybe hanging around with Godzilla has gone to your head. But what about now? He's not here to protect you."

"I can take care of myself."

Quinn let out an amused huff, though it was heavy and dripping with sarcasm.

"Yeah, the little nerd is gonna' beat the shit out of a dude twice his size who's wiped the floor with his ass a dozen times over." Quinn suddenly lashed out again, though this time, Matt caught his wrist.

"Not anymore, Quinn."

Matt started to turn Quinn's wrist, intending to use the arm lock technique Shiro had shown him in his first lesson. However, he wasn't quick enough, and Quinn ripped his wrist from his grasp.

"You really think that'll work?" Quinn asked. He lunged forward, knocking Matt backwards into the brick wall next to the door and pinning him with an arm across his shoulders.

Matt didn't respond, instead retaliating by stomping on Quinn's foot. Quinn's face contorted into an ugly scowl for a moment as his toes flared with pain, then his expression shifted to anger.

"Now you've done it, Holt."

Quinn swung at Matt's face with a punch, and Matt couldn't raise his arms passed his pinned shoulders to block it. Quinn's fist slammed into Matt's cheek, making his scar throb and his cheekbone ache. Quinn went to strike again, but Matt took the opportunity to escape when the arm on his shoulders let up momentarily while Quinn wound up for the next attack. Sliding out of Quinn's grasp, Matt darted to the side and opened a gap between them.

Quinn whirled around, facing Matt with an arm still drawn back. He lunged forward and swung, only for Matt to do the same. They both ducked out of the way, then Matt tried to sweep at Quinn's leg as Shiro had done to him at his last lesson.

Quinn surprised Matt by catching his foot, then yanked on it. Matt stumbled toward him, the two falling into the dirt next to the sidewalk.

As Matt tried to get to his feet, struggling to see in the faint light, Quinn lashed out again. Matt deflected the blow with one arm, then struck blindly with the other. His fist caught Quinn's eye, making Quinn hiss and stumble backwards. Matt tried to take advantage of the moment by striking once again, but Quinn saw him coming. He shoved Matt off-course, then slammed a fist into his gut.

Matt crumbled to the ground; Quinn was on him in seconds, pinning him so he couldn't attack.

"You shouldn't do that," Quinn hissed, leaning close to Matt's face as his eyes narrowed. "What happens when I go to security and say you jumped me when I was walking? No cameras can see us, so there's nothing to prove if I was lying."

Matt clenched his teeth and tried to headbutt Quinn, though Quinn leaned out of range.

"As if they'd believe that," Matt growled. He was tired of Quinn and everything Quinn did. He wanted nothing more than to unleash the anger boiling in his chest and lash out without holding back.

"What if I tell them about that time I got jumped at school? It might not have been you who attacked my buds and I, but we all know you were behind it," Quinn accused.

"I told you that wasn't me."

Quinn's fist landed another blow on Matt's cheek. "Don't lie to me," Quinn hissed.

As much as Matt wanted to respond, the throbbing of his jaw made him stay quiet. Instead he glared up at Quinn, conveying all the annoyance and hate he couldn't put into words with his gaze.

"My buddies will back me up when I say you're out to get me, that you always have been. The only ones who'll take your side are you family, and no one will believe them. Everyone will blame you, and maybe you'll find yourself out of a school and a job."

Matt growled and tried to attack Quinn again, but still found himself pinned. He struggled, trying everything he could think of. His efforts turned out to be somewhat effective as Quinn's grip on him started to loosen, though the escape route he'd found fell to pieces when Quinn spoke again.

"What will the school think when I tell them who you learned to fight from? Do you really think they won't care about an accessory in premeditated assault? Maybe you can throw a decent punch now, but at what cost? What do you think your friend will think when he loses his scholarship because he helped you out?"

Matt froze, eyes widening slightly in shock. How did Quinn know about Shiro's scholarship? He hadn't even known Shiro existed until recently.

"It pays to know a few of the students dumb enough to work for the student services," Quinn answered, knowing Matt's question without Matt speaking it aloud. "Takashi Shirogane, talented pilot and poor scholarship student. Unknown family background, history of poor mental health. I'm surprised the school took a chance on him. They might change their minds if he turns out to be some batshit crazy asshole."

"It won't work," Matt insisted. "Even if you manage to make yourself a victim, I'm the only one who'll get in trouble."

"Will you, though? How can it be a coincidence that you got physically violent after meeting him? That won't look good in the eyes of the president."

"No one will buy that."

Quinn leaned in close again, almost whispering in Matt' ear.

"Are you sure you want to take that risk?"

Matt was silent, trying to keep his expression angry even when he knew he was defeated. Quinn was right. If the school got involved, Quinn had friends from the past who would back him up. Matt had no one besides his family, who no one would view as credible, and Shiro, who didn't know him until recently. If the school believed Quinn, Matt would be fighting a losing battle. If Shiro got dragged into the issue, his scholarship could easily be rescinded. Maybe it would, or maybe it wouldn't. Either way, Matt couldn't predict how the battle would turn out, and Shiro could find himself in trouble either way. Even if the school recognized Matt as the victim, Shiro would come under scrutiny for teaching him how to fight back. Self-defense or not, violence was never welcomed by the school.

A smile split Quinn's face as Matt's body relaxed in defeat. Quinn reached out and grabbed Matt by the hair to force him to look him in the eye. Pain radiated from Matt's scalp, and the band holding his hair in a ponytail slipped off from the stress of Quinn's merciless grip.

"You can learn how to punch and learn how to talk, but you'll never change. In the end, you're still soft. Threatening you gets me nowhere, but others?" Quinn paused, his grin turning into a disgusted sneer. "In the end, you'll always give up everything to protect someone else."

Matt closed his eyes when Quinn released him and let his body hit the ground. He didn't have the chance to open them again before a fist slammed into his face yet again, making his vision go fuzzy. He simply went still, keeping his eyes shut as darkness closed in on him. Despite all he'd learned from Shiro, there was nothing he could do. He was powerless.

-000-

When Matt came to, everything was still dark. Pain radiated through his side as he reached for his phone in his pocket, the bright screen blinding him as he searched for the time. It was almost nine o'clock, not even an hour after his encounter with Quinn. Matt hadn't been out long, but Quinn was long gone.

A notification from a text in the corner of the screen drew Matt's attention, and he opened it to find a message from his father.

Dad: The meeting got a late start, and its going to be longer than expected. I shouldn't be too much longer, but if it runs too late, I'll call your mom to come get you

Matt exhaled slowly, staring at the message. It hadn't been sent very long ago, so Sam probably wasn't close to being done.

Matt's thumb hovered over the call button as he stared at his phone, hesitating. He didn't want to interrupt Sam if he was busy, but he also wasn't sure where Quinn was. It might not be safe for him to continue his walk on his own. On the other hand, if he went to his father, security, the police, and the school could get involved. Quinn could live up to his threat of turning the situation around. Even though Matt had clearly come out of the fight with the with the worst injuries, Quinn still had the advantage. He still had people to vouch for him. He could turn it around and say Matt jumped him, that he'd protected himself. No matter what the Holts said, family takes the side of family even when they're in the wrong. No one would believe them. Having Shiro speak on his behalf would just be doing exactly what Quinn wanted, too.

Shutting off his phone, Matt planted his hands on the ground. Slowly, he pushed himself to his feet. Everything ached, and he paused for a moment to take a breath before he got his knees under himself. He stood slowly with an arm wrapped around his ribcage as he sucked in another deep breath. Nothing felt like it was broken, but it hurt like hell. Matt wasn't sure how he'd walk all the way to the aviation building in his condition, and he found himself digging for his phone in his pocket again. He turned it on once more, searching for his father's contact as he decided it may just be best that he call Sam.

Matt paused when he scrolled across Shiro's contact. He didn't want Shiro to get involved, but unlike Sam, he might stay quiet if Matt asked him to. Knowing Shiro, he'd want to go out and find Quinn, but he wouldn't leave Matt alone when he was injured. His dorm was also closer.

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Matt began his slow walk in the direction of the dorms. He pulled his jacket tighter around his body pushed his hair behind his ears as the cold breeze chilled him and blew his hair in his eyes. He felt something cold and wet on his cheek and looked up to see snow beginning to fall in fat, fluffy flakes around him. Usually, he would be overjoyed at the sight. Now, though, he simply burrowed his chin into his jacket and continued.

-000-

Shiro looked around his dorm in search of something to do. He'd been keeping himself busy the past few hours despite having no homework to do. He knew Sam would take Matt home after the aviation meeting, but Shiro knew how long meetings could get. He felt it might be a good idea to keep an eye on his phone in case the meeting ran long and Matt needed a ride.

Checking his phone for the second time in ten minutes, Shiro sighed and tossed it on his bed. 'Maybe they already left,' he thought to himself. For whatever reason, he felt a small tug of sadness in his chest at the thought. He had just seen Matt two days ago, but he had been looking forward to potentially seeing him again sooner than Monday. He also kept thinking about that moment in the hangar when he'd looked back at Matt. That image had burned itself into his brain, refusing to leave no matter how many times he started thinking about something else. It wasn't that he necessarily wanted to forget about it, but he didn't know why it kept coming back to him.

"Maybe he wanted to go up in the plane," Shiro mumbled to himself. "I should ask if he wants to come on my next flight."

Aviation students looking for a commercial license needed hundreds of hours of flight time. That meant doing flights outside of class. Shiro was a bit of a special case, given his history. He had met the requirement for flight hours long before he even enrolled at the college. He still did the extra flights, though, welcoming the freedom it brought him. He always went up alone outside of class even though students were allowed to take one other person with them as long as they got permission from the instructors beforehand.

A strange scratching noise drew Shiro from his thoughts, and he tilted his head in confusion when it stopped. He paused, frozen as he listened for the sound again. It came just a few seconds.

Slowly, Shiro crossed the room with silent footsteps. He started toward the other room where Eurus' things were, thinking she was making noise. However, as he got closer, the scratching began to sound more like knocking.

Something brushed Shiro's leg, and his gaze darted to the floor to find Eurus between his feet. She was crouched low, the fur on the back of her neck raised and her tail fluffed up. She was fully alert, eyes glued to the door.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Shiro started to make his way toward the door. He wasn't sure who would be looking for him so late at night, or who would be looking for him at all. If it was anyone he knew, they would have sent him a text or called him through the door. Whoever, or whatever, was outside was a stranger. The first suspect that came to mind was Quinn. He'd seen Shiro around Matt, and Shiro didn't put it past him to try to stir up trouble.

Tense and ready to move at a moment's notice, Shiro reached the door and grabbed the handle. He turned it slowly, took a breath, then pulled it open normally. His face was blank, ready to take on whatever expression was appropriate for whoever he met on the other side of the door. However, it all fell to pieces when his eyes landed on a familiar face dotted in shadows.

Matt stood outside the door, shivering in a thin hoodie with bruises blossoming on his face like dark flowers in the poor light.

"Matt…" Shiro breathed, half in disbelief and half in concern. He was stunned, but quickly snapped out of his daze to step aside and let Matt in.

Matt entered the dorm slowly, clearly exhausted, without a word. He said nothing as Shiro put a hand on his shoulder and steered him toward his room, where Shiro sat him on the floor and draped his heaviest blanket around the IT student's shoulders before running for the bathroom in search of a washcloth and his first-aid kit.

"What happened?" Shiro asked worriedly upon his return as he knelt in front of Matt, inspecting the bruises on his face and handing him a wet cloth to put over his split lip and bloody nose.

Matt stayed silent, his eyes on the floor, and that was an answer enough for Shiro.

Shiro's face contorted in rage, and he clenched his teeth as his blood began to boil. "He's going to pay for this," the aviation student swore, pulling out a band-aid for a shallow cut on Matt's temple. Despite the agonizing hatred that made his hands shake, he was careful to be gentle as he swiped Matt's hair out of the way to cover the cut.

"Shiro," Matt began, catching the aviation student's attention.

Shiro's expression softened as he looked down at Matt's face, waiting for his friend to speak

"Don't tell my dad."

Shiro leaned back, shocked and confused. "Of course I'm telling your dad, Matt. Quinn just attacked you! He should be arrested!"

"Don't."

"Why not?"

Matt gave no response, and Shiro felt annoyance rising. He wasn't angry at Matt, but he was angry that Matt wouldn't tell him anything; wouldn't let him help.

"Why didn't you fight back?"

"I did."

"I know you're good enough to escape better off than this. So why didn't you fight back?"

Matt went quiet again, avoiding Shiro's eyes.

Shiro gave Matt a moment, looking over his face for any more wounds. All he saw were bruises, but there was nothing he could do for those, so he packed up his first aid kid and pushed it away to be dealt with later.

"He threatened you."

Shiro stopped, head whipping in Matt's direction. "What?"

Matt sighed, drawing his knees up to his chest. He still refused to look at Shiro even as he finally began to talk.

"If I fought back, he could go to security and turn the fights around; say I attacked him. I don't care either way, but…" Matt finally looked up at Shiro. "You taught me how to fight. You hate Quinn. He could drag you into this. The school is against violence of any kind. They could take away your scholarship-"

"I don't care about a fucking scholarship! Quinn can say whatever he wants. Its not worth letting him hurt you!" Shiro hissed, anger boiling over.

"He'll give up eventually," Matt argued. "He'll leave, you won't lose your scholarship, and no one will get in trouble with the school."

"Clearly he won't leave you alone! And why are you so obsessed with my scholarship?" Shiro asked, voice low and accusing.

Matt furrowed his eyebrows, losing his patience. "I don't want you to lose your scholarship over something stupid! You're probably the best pilot in the aviation program, and I saw how happy you were during the fair. I'm not gonna' be the one who takes that away from you!"

"Let them!" Shiro challenged. "If the school wants to kick me out, they can. There are other schools, other scholarships. But there's only one of you! You're my friend, Matt, and that means I'll back you up no matter what! Do you really think I'm a big enough asshole to choose some scholarship over a person just because I don't have much money?!"

The pair went silent, both looking to the floor. Neither knew what to say next, or if they should say anything at all. They were tense, they were worried, and they were angry. Not at each other, but at Quinn, though their anger saturated their voices and left their words sharp when the were meant to be soft. Neither wanted to say something they didn't mean, something they couldn't take back.

After a moment, Shiro shoved himself to his feet and crossed the room to his closet. He pulled out his coat and yanked it on, the sound of the zipper deafening in the tense silence.

"Text Sam. I'll take you home," Shiro said curtly. He didn't look at Matt, instead keeping his eyes on the floor.

Behind Shiro, Matt was silent as he stood. He didn't put up a fight, tired from their short argument. Instead he followed Shiro to the door, pulling the blanket off his shoulders and leaving it folded on the floor.

The pair walked out to Shiro's car and got in without a word. The silence remained on the way to the Holt household, though Shiro turned on the heater when he noticed Matt shivering again.

When Shiro pulled into the driveway of Matt's house, he put the car in park and killed the engine, dropping them into silence. They hadn't looked at each other at any point during the drive, nor had they spoken. The drive had given them time to calm down, though, time to organize their thoughts and feelings to the point where they could think clearly.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," Shiro murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Sorry I worried you," Matt replied quietly. "I just don't want you to get in trouble because of him. He's not worth it."

"He may not be, but you are," Shiro said. "I'm not- I can't let this happen again."

Matt nodded. "Thanks, but… Just try not to fight with him, avoid getting involved if you can."

"And what if I have to?" Shiro questioned.

"Then-" Matt paused, closing his eyes in defeat. "If you don't have any other choice, then just- Don't be the one to throw the first punch. If someone sees him swing first, it'll be hard for him to turn that around on you."

Shiro sighed. "I will, but only if… if he gets you alone again… defend yourself. Whatever he might try to pull, we'll deal with it if it happens. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore, Matt. Please."

Matt was silent.

Shiro finally looked over at his friend, face weary. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself."

Matt's gaze slowly lifted from his hands in his lap and settled on Shiro's face. He searched it, taking in everything Shiro was trying to tell him without putting it into words: the worry, the fear that had gone unspoken, the anger toward Quinn that stewed beneath his skin.

"I promise."

Matt's tone was almost breathless, and his eyes never left Shiro's face. The two of them were focused on each other, taking in everything: Shiro's emotions, the shadowy bruises painting Matt's face, the guilt that pulled the corners of their lips into frowns.

After nearly a minute of staring, Matt broke his gaze from Shiro and unbuckled his seatbelt. He opened his door and left without a word, walking slowly toward the front door of his house. He only looked back when he reached the doorstep, turning around to face Shiro again with a mix of emotions too difficult to decipher twisting his expression. Then he was gone, the door closing quietly behind him.

Shiro turned the key in the ignition of his car, backed out of the driveway, and returned to the road. The drive passed in a blur, and before he knew it, he was parked next to his dorm. The car was off, leaving him with nothing but a quiet ringing in his ears, a side effect of spending most of the last decade around loud planes.

A deep sigh slipped from Shiro's chest, and he let his head fall forward against the steering wheel. For the first time in months, he was completely and utterly lost. He had not idea what to do, no option without its consequences. Once upon a time he'd thought it was hard when he had only one choice, one way to move forward even if it meant he'd suffer later. However, he now knew that with each added path, the decision got harder. There were more options, but the choice was no longer made for him. He had to decide for himself what do to while fully aware that he was responsible for whatever bad might come from that decision.

Shiro didn't sleep that night.

Chapter Text

Matt didn't return to school on Monday. Or Tuesday. Or Wednesday. By Thursday, he was still home.

Shiro had been pulled aside by Sam on Monday after class, and the man had informed him that he knew about the attack and the Holts had decided to keep him at home until he was healed enough that he wouldn't be vulnerable to another attack. Sam and Colleen had fought with Matt that morning when he demanded they not involve the police, threatening to lie and say he'd fallen down the stairs if they did. Matt had told them about Quinn's threats to Shiro and the lack of evidence surrounding the fight. All they had was Matt's claims, no security footage. It would be hard to prove that Quinn was the one who'd attacked. Even if they did, Matt admitted that he'd gotten one good punch in. Quinn was charming when he needed to be; that was how he fooled his high school when he was attacking other students. If he tried to say Matt struck first, that he'd just defended himself, or if he dug up the past and claimed Matt had always hated him and was out to get him…

There was too much uncertainty in the whole issue, and in the end, no one knew what to do. Sam had contacted Rift and informed him of Matt's injuries, earning his son the week off from working at the IT Center. Sam and Colleen filed a report to the school about Matt's attack against his wishes, but when Matt gave a record of what happened, he didn't mention Quinn. By then, there wasn't much more they could do.

Thursday morning, Shiro was bored. He had no classes and was caught up on his homework. There was nothing trivial that he could blow up into an important reason to go to the store, and he didn't want to go out running in case Quinn was conspiring against him. The last thing Shiro needed was to get caught alone with the man he wanted to throw into the cargo hold of a plane he would fly into a mountain side.

After walking around his dorm for the tenth time in four minutes, Shiro sighed. He looked to Eurus, who was napping next to a window in the path of the sunlight streaming in. At least someone was having a decent day.

Shiro moved to his room and flopped down on the bed, his eyes on the ceiling above. His mind wandered as his boredom swallowed him whole. However, it wasn't long before his thoughts returned to Sunday night when he'd seen Matt after the fight with Quinn. Shiro found his gaze shifting to the door, and suddenly it was dark. The door was wide open, and Matt stood just outside. He was covered in bruises and his hair was a wild mess. Snowflakes dotted his eyelashes as the cold air outside made him shiver. Unlike Sunday night, he didn't come in. He simply stood there, eyes on Shiro but blank as if he wasn't truly seeing.

Suddenly, it wasn't Matt in the doorway. Matt's face changed, his figure growing larger. The person was unrecognizable until they lifted their head and met Shiro's eyes. He gasped as he took in a face he hadn't seen in years; one he'd last glimpsed in a photograph. This face wasn't like the picture, though. It was thin, broken, bruised, and bloody – mutilated. It was that of a dead man walking.

The figure morphed again, taking on the shape of another person Shiro had once known. Then another, and another. It morphed into the shape of a woman. She was around the height Matt had been when Shiro first met him, before he grew like a weed. Her frame was strong, but it sagged. She wasn't bloody as the others had been, rather she appeared normal. She looked as if she was just a person walking down the street, bar the way her entire body slumped as if the weight of the Earth had been dropped on her shoulders. She looked toward Shiro but didn't see him, didn't see anyone. Then she was falling to her knees, tears streaming down her blank face.

Shiro launched himself to his feet, rolling off his bed with so much force that he nearly fell over as he tried to stand. He squeezed his eyes shut, scrubbing a hand over his face. When he opened his eyes again, there was nothing by the door. It was shut as it had been all morning. However, the sights were still fresh in Shiro's mind.

Shiro's choked on the air as he took notice of his shallow, rapid breaths. The room around him began to shrink, the walls creeping closer as they threatened to crush him. The ceiling was sinking, pushing on his head until his legs shook from the weight of its burden. The light streaming through the window got brighter, so much so that it blinded him. The sound of voices outside grew louder, hissing directly in his ears. His shirt was too tight no matter how much he tugged on the collar, the fabric choking him. Everything was closing in, skittering under his skin like bugs until he couldn't stand it anymore.

Before he knew it, he had ripped off his cotton shirt and replaced it with a thin athletic jacket that he zipped only partway. His familiar leather gloves had slipped onto his hands, and his keys were shoved into the pockets of his athletic shorts. Then he was by the door with his shoes on his feet. He needed to get out, to get far away.

Shiro hastily yanked open his door, pulling it shut behind him just a little too harshly. He jammed his key into the lock with trembling hands and turned, then stormed away without checking to see if the door had actually locked. Hopefully it had, though he couldn't go back to check; he was already running.

Shiro didn't know where he was going until he found himself outside the building that housed the IT Center. His breathing had calmed to a manageable point and he was no longer suffocating. He noticed a surprising amount of his chest was exposed; his jacket was only half zipped. Heat filled his cheeks as he zipped it up closer to his collarbones.

Letting out a deep, slow breath, Shiro blinked. He felt much better. It seemed that a short run had been just what he needed, but he still scanned his surroundings readily in case Quinn was nearby.

Shiro slipped his phone from his pocket and checked for messages. He and Matt hadn't really talked since Sunday night, not that they were still arguing, rather because neither knew what to say. They'd exchanged only a handful of texts, most of which were strictly about Matt's continued absence from school.

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Shiro journeyed into the building that stood before him. It had been quite a while since he went anywhere near the IT Center without the intention of meeting Matt there, and he got a bit nervous at the thought of talking to strangers. However, he continued. He had nothing important to do that day and wasn't ready to return to his dorm yet. While he may have calmed down, he wasn't sure if the anxiety he'd just left behind would return to him should he go back.

Shiro walked the familiar hallways and slipped through the doorway of the IT Center. It was nearly empty, not a single customer in the room. Then again, it was also Thursday morning; most students would be in class.

Two people were in the space behind the desk. One was a young man with his back to the desk as he hunched over a disassembled TV. The other was a somewhat older man with salt and pepper hair and glasses low on his nose as he inspected the interior of a smartphone. On his shirt was a nametag that read 'William Rift'.

It was the older man, Professor Rift, who noticed Shiro standing by the door and set his project aside. He strode up to the desk with his hands behind his back.

"Can I help you?" Rift asked.

Shiro approached the desk awkwardly as he fought the urge to stick his hands in his pockets since he wasn't sure what else to do with them. "Hi, uh, I don't have anything that needs to be fixed right now. I actually just wondered if you had any classwork I could bring to Matt, uh, Matt Holt," Shiro stated. He stuck out a hand. "I'm Takashi Shirogane, a friend of his."

"Ah, you're that Shiro fellow?" Rift questioned, accepting the handshake. "Yes. I have some work for him that Samuel Holt meant to pick up, but he's been busy with you aviation students. Right this way."

Shiro followed Rift out of the IT Center and down the hall to a pod of faculty offices. Rift crossed the room to one of the corner offices and unlocked the door before stepping inside. Rift shuffled through some files on his desk while Shiro waited in the doorway to avoid crowding the rather small space.

"I spoke to his other teachers and collected work from them as well these past few days. Normally, no professor at a university would bother with putting together work for a student who missed a few days of class. You're adults, you're responsible for yourself," Rift stated. "However, Samuel told me about what happened. Matthew is probably the brightest student I've had in years. He's at the top of his class and has never missed a day of work until now. It's a pity that something happened to him. There isn't anything I can do to help with that, but the least I can do is make sure he doesn't fall behind."

Shiro nodded. "Thank you, sir. I'm sure Matt will appreciate this."

Rift shook his head as he finally found the folder he was looking for and held it out to Shiro. "No, thank you. Matthew has always been a bit shy. He talks to the others working in the IT Center, but I hadn't seen him find an actual friend until he started talking about some young man named Shiro who had horrible luck with his technology. I was surprised when I found he was taking on your projects independently, free of charge."

"Yeah. He's saved my computer and my wallet on quite a few occasions."

Rift nodded. "Well, tell Matthew he can email me if he had any questions, and I won't schedule him to work until he's feeling better and back at school."

"Thanks again," Shiro said, giving Rift a wave before turning around and heading for the stairs as the man tidied his desk.

Shiro quickly made his way outside, then flicked open the folder. His eyebrows rose at the hearty stack of papers inside, and he hoped they would be easy enough that they wouldn't take too long to complete.

Stepping into a light jog, Shiro wound his way back to his dorm, but rather than go inside, he slid into his car. Turning the key in the ignition, he backed out of his parking space and pulled onto the road, headed to the Holt household.

-000-

Shiro hesitated as he raised a fist to knock on the door of Matt's house. He wasn't sure what he'd do when the door opened, that is, if anyone opened it. Should he drop off the work and leave? Go in and check on Matt? Talk to whoever was there? Offer help with any trivial tasks?

When Shiro finally knocked, it wasn't long before Sam opened the door. He looked tired, and there was a crease between his eyebrows that looked as if it was frozen there. Even when Sam's face relaxed at the sight of a familiar person, it stayed.

"Hey, Shiro," the older man greeted.

Shiro nodded in return. "Hello, sir. I stopped by the IT Center and picked up some classwork Professor Rift gathered for Matt. I thought I'd drop it off so he has a chance to catch up before he goes back to school."

"Oh, thank you. I was planning to pick it up, but Colleen had to work today so I stayed home with Matt. We're reluctant to leave him here by himself in case he needs something," Sam explained. "Speaking of, do you have a few minutes? I was actually just about to run to the store and pick up some painkillers, and it would be great if you could hang around with Matt until I get back," he said. "You don't have to if you're busy, though."

"Of course," Shiro replied. "I don't have anything to do today, and I haven't seen Matt since, well, Sunday."

The pair went silent for a moment.

"Sorry I didn't contact you right away. Matt didn't want to worry you and interrupt your meeting," Shiro said quietly.

Sam shook his head and reached out, clapping Shiro on the shoulder. "I know. He's been pretty stubborn about the whole situation. No need to apologize, Shiro, and thank you for taking him home."

Shiro stepped into the house as Sam moved back and swung the door open wider. He slipped his shoes off at the door, then headed in the direction of Matt's room. He stopped at the door, silent, contemplating, before finally knocking.

"Matt?"

There was silence for a moment, then the door opened. Matt stood on the other side, his eyes tired. The bruises on his face were fading, though one eye was still mottled purple and his cheeks were slightly discolored. More bruises disappeared beneath the collar and sleeves of the oversized t-shirt he was wearing, bruises that Shiro hadn't seen when Matt showed up at his dorm. The cut on his temple had healed well, reduced to a thin scab.

Matt's eyes lit up the slightest bit and his lips turned up in a relaxed smile when he realized it was Shiro outside his door.

"Hey," he greeted softly.

"Hey," Shiro replied, his mouth curving into a gentle grin.

The two stared at each other for a moment, then Matt stepped away to let Shiro into his room. The IT student slowly settled onto the floor next to a mess of circuits, then he slumped against his dresser behind him. Shiro followed suite, dropping to the floor across from him and leaning against Matt's bed.

Matt pulled the mess of circuits into his lap and picked up a screwdriver. He started to tinker with the mess in front of him as he nodded toward Shiro. "What's that?"

Shiro pulled the folder out from where he'd tucked it under his arm and set it down between him and Matt. "I stopped by the IT Center to see if your Professor had any classwork I could bring you. I guess he went around collecting sheets from all your classes."

Matt looked up, frowned, then jerked his head toward the bed. "You can just set it behind you. I doubt I'll be able to focus on It right now. Thanks for bringing it, though."

"No problem."

"Did you stop by there during a run?"

"A short one, yeah."

"I hope you weren't rushing or anything."

"Not really, though I was getting a bit antsy from being in my dorm all morning," Shiro explained vaguely as he thought back to the incident from that morning. He blinked to keep the memories from returning for a second round.

"Antsy enough that you forgot your shirt?"

Shiro looked down and felt his cheeks warm. The jacket was almost completely zipped, though it had a wide collar that left some of his shoulders exposed, as well as his chest down to the middle of his sternum.

"Uh, yeah, sorry," he lied. Being forgetful sounded better in his mind than saying his shirt had felt like it was choking him to death to the point that he couldn't wear it.

Matt left out and amused huff. "I'm just messing with you," he assured.

Shiro nodded, then exhaled. His eye drifted, once again taking in Matt's injuries. It had been four days, and while Matt looked much better than he had on Sunday, the bruises would need more time to heal. Now that Matt was wearing a t-shirt and athletic shorts instead of a hoodie and jeans, there were so many more bruises Shiro could see. The splotches dotted his legs from his feet to his thigh, the rest covered by Matt's shorts. Dark marks formed rings around one of his wrists.

"They aren't going to go away faster just because you frowned at them."

Shiro's head snapped up and his eyes met the gaze of Matt. "Sorry," he said, looking to the floor.

Matt sighed and set down his tools. "Stop looking so guilty. It's not like you shoved Quinn toward me and ran away."

"If I was close enough to shove him, I'd break his arms."

"Don't break his arms."

"No promises."

Matt scrubbed lightly at his face. "Come on, Shiro. We talked about this-"

"I know," Shiro interrupted. It was his turn to sigh. "But just… look at you, Matt. I told your family I'd watch your back, and now you're locked up in your house looking like someone hit you with their car. How am I supposed to not feel bad when I couldn't help you?"

"You did help me, Shiro. You taught me how to fight back, and you kept me away from Quinn when you saw him nearby," Matt stated.

Shiro shook his head. "You said it yourself, Matt. You got hurt because you didn't want him to hurt me, my education. He used me against you, and that's on me."

"That's Quinn's fault, not yours."

"I shouldn't have given him a way to do it."

"You didn't give him anything. Even if you didn't have a scholarship, he'd threaten your position as a student. If you weren't a student, he'd threaten your job, or your house. If he couldn't go after you, he'd threaten my parents and their jobs. He's crafty, and he'll always find a way. He's an asshole, he used you. You're the victim."

"Even still-"

"Stop."

Shiro went silent, his mouth slamming shut as he watched Matt close his eyes and tip his head back. When he opened his eyes again and looked back at Shiro, all that showed on his face was exhaustion.

"Please, just… stop," Matt repeated. "I don't want to argue with you, to fight with you. I don't want to see you looking at me like I'm some puppy someone abandoned in a landfill, and I don't want you to beat yourself up thinking you're to blame for any of this. If anything, it's my fault. Quinn is from my past, and I'm the one who got you involved."

Shiro was silent, his face twisted in emotion. His eyes went to Matt's bruised wrist, and he reached for it with his left hand while keeping his right glued to his side. He picked up Matt's arm in a gentle grip, then ran a gloved thumb over the bruises so softly that he was barely touching them.

"You're my best friend, my only friend. I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Matt laid his free hand on top of Shiro's and fixed the aviation student with a small smile. "I'll be fine," he stated. "I promise."

The pair was still for a moment, eyes on each other, then Matt slipped away and rose to his feet. "I have to find some parts for this mess in the basement," he said, gesturing to the wires and circuits he'd just dumped on the floor. "I'll be back in a few minutes." Then he was gone.

Shiro sat, staring at the doorway. His hand was cold from the absence of Matt's, and he found himself wishing he could turn back time to those few seconds. Matt had smiled genuinely and looked truly calm for the first time since he showed up at Shiro's door days ago. For a moment, it seemed that they really would be okay. That assurance was slipping away, and Shiro desperately wanted it back. He couldn't go back in time, though, so instead he folded his hands in his lap and waited.

-000-

Shiro hadn't waited long before he caught movement out of the corner of his eye. He looked up to find Matt's sister, Pidge, standing in the doorway. She simply stood there, watching him as she mentally picked him apart and put him back together.

"Uh, hi," Shiro greeted.

Pidge didn't say anything in response, though she did hesitantly approach him and sit on the floor.

"How long have you known Matt?"

Shiro raised his eyebrows when Pidge spoke, slightly surprised that a question about her brother had been the first thing she said to him.

"Since the beginning of the semester. He fixed my phone."

"He talks about you a lot."

"He talks about a lot of stuff a lot. I never knew circuits could be so complicated."

"He trusts you a lot, too."

"I'd hope he at least trusts me a little, since we're friends."

"He said he was friends with the other IT workers, but none of them know about Quinn."

"Isn't that situation kinda personal, though?"

"Exactly."

Shiro fixed Pidge with a weird look. Their conversation was feeling less like a conversation and more like an interrogation.

"I mean, I only found out about Quinn because we saw him."

Pidge didn't respond, instead watching Shiro intently. She wrapped her arms around her knees and leaned forward, then spoke again.

"How much has he told you about Quinn?"

Shiro frowned. "Uh, he said Quinn gave him hell in high school."

"Anything else?"

"Not really."

"You didn't ask?"

"It's not like he's obligated to tell me."

Pidge went silent for another moment, then nodded and sighed. She relaxed a bit, leaning back and finally looking away from Shiro. Her gaze went to the pile of circuits on Matt's floor.

"Did he tell you how he got his scar?" she asked.

"Accident in the kitchen," Shiro responded.

Pidge shook her head. "The other one."

Shiro frowned and didn't respond. He wasn't aware that Matt even had any major scars besides the one he'd received recently. Based on the questions Pidge had been asking, Shiro started to worry it was related to Quinn.

Pidge glanced toward the door, then looked at Shiro. "We don't talk about it, but there was one time that Quinn went way too far," she began. "I mean, all of it was too far, but this was the worst. Quinn and his friends caught Matt in the stairwell. It was the one place in the school with no security cameras. I don't know why they felt the need, but they went overboard. Then they left him there. Another student found him and ran off to find a teacher. He ended up in the hospital for three days and left with a scar on his side from something. The doctors were thinking it was likely a pencil because it was too jagged to be from a knife."

Shiro felt his heart go cold in his chest as his gut turned to ice. His fists were clenched so hard at his sides that his gloves nearly squeaked.

"Since no cameras caught the attack, the only evidence was Matt's word. He told them it was Quinn and his buddies, but none of them had a single scratch on them, and the school believed the culprits would have been at least slightly injured from Matt fighting back. They didn't stop to consider the possibility that Matt was some little twig of a teenage who couldn't throw a proper punch and probably couldn't manage a single scratch on Quinn and his guys no matter how hard he fought back. Some other students also claimed Quinn and his buddies had been outside playing some sports with them. Since the only outside cameras were fixed on the main entrance of the school, there was no evidence that they attacked Matt before slipping outside. None of them got caught, and our parents made Matt switch schools so it wouldn't happen again."

Shiro said nothing even after Pidge went silent, his mind trying to process what he'd just heard. Bullying, physical and verbal bullying, was bad enough. But getting someone sent to the hospital? Quinn should have gotten arrested for going that far, and yet he'd managed to worm his way out of punishment. No wonder the Holts were so hesitant to accuse him without major evidence.

"It was my pencil."

Shiro and Pidge both snapped their faces toward the doorway where Matt stood. Neither had heard him approach, nor had they seen him, and they didn't know how long he'd been outside listening.

"The last thing they did before they left was push me down the stairs," Matt explained as he moved to his place on the floor next to his circuits. His fingers absentmindedly touched his side. He set to work on the circuits as he spoke, the parts he'd taken from the basement abandoned beside him. "The pencil poked through a hole in the bottom of my bag and I landed on it on the way down. It cut my side pretty good, then got broken."

Shiro had no words, and even Pidge looked surprised. It seemed she hadn't been aware of that detail.

"It all happened like Pidge said. They knocked me around a bit, everyone threw their punches and kicks, then they shoved me down the stairs and ran away with smug looks on their face thinking they were doing God's work, or something. Kill the nerds, I guess. I tried to explain that they were the ones who did it, but there was nothing to prove it, and the school already knew I hated Quinn. In their eyes, I'd had an unfortunate accident and fallen down the stairs, then blamed it on poor Quinn because I didn't like him and wanted to ruin his life."

Matt picked up one of the parts at his side, and while his voice was steady, his true fear and anger were betrayed by the way he held the part just a little too tightly.

"The strangest thing was that, during my third day at the hospital - after the school decided Quinn was innocent - he and his buddies got jumped on the street. He said I was behind it, that I'd gotten mad about the school not punishing him and had called someone else to take care of it for me. We don't really know who was behind it, but I didn't get blamed for it in the end. I had been at the hospital since my attack and was under constant monitoring. If I'd contacted someone, there would have been record of it, so the school knew it wasn't me." Matt let out a flat chuckle. "I almost wish it had been. It would have been nice to see the looks on their faces as they finally got what they deserve."

Pidge stood abruptly and walked out, her face blank. Shiro watched her go with a feeling of pity. Even as Matt's sister, it seemed there was a lot she had never heard before. It was too bad she was learning about it all at once.

Shiro himself was silent, unsure of what to say. He felt it would be stupid to apologize, to say that what happened was terrible. Stating the obvious wouldn't help anyone. He couldn't say, "it won't happen again" either, seeing as it basically had.

"We'll get him soon." Shiro found himself spouting a new line. Looking back in the past wouldn't fix the future, nor would crying over Matt's current state. All that would stop Quinn was planning ahead. "He'll slip up, whether it's because of him or because we made him, and he'll get what he deserves when we catch him."

Matt's hands halted, falling into his lap while he clutched a pair of pliers in a stiff grip. "I hope so," he said.

The pair went silent, not even looking at each other. It wasn't until the front door opened that they took their eyes off the ground.

"I'm back!" Sam called from the entrance.

Matt and Shiro rose to their feet, then ventured to the living room to meet Sam. The man had a bottle of Tylenol in one hand and his phone in the other, and he handed the Tylenol off to Matt when the young man neared.

"Thanks," Matt said. He headed for the kitchen, picking up a glass from the counter. He filled it with water, cracked open the bottle, then popped two enormous tablets in his mouth one at a time. Once he finished, he let out a yawn and blinked slowly.

"You should get some more sleep, kid," Sam recommended, eyebrows furrowed as worry twisted his expression. He kept his eyes on Matt as the young man nodded in agreement and headed back toward his room.

"I'll get going, then. Text me if you need anything, Matt," Shiro said, backing toward the door. He gave Sam a smile when the man mouthed 'thank you' to him, then slid his shoes on and headed for his car.

Just as Shiro was about to turn the key in the ignition, Pidge came running out of the house. She stopped next to his car and knocked on his window, prompting him to roll it down.

"You left your phone in Matt's room. He was gonna bring it out, but I'm pretty sure he was asleep before dad could tell him to let me do it. Pain meds always make him tired," the girl explained, holding out Shiro's phone.

"Thanks," he said. "And I'm sorry you had to hear about what happened to Matt again, especially if you didn't know about all of it."

Pidge frowned. "There were a few things I didn't know, but, I'm glad Quinn got attacked afterward. It's a good thing he got jumped at night so he couldn't really see who did it."

Before Shiro could reply, Pidge was running back to the house. Shiro watched her go, then rolled up his window and left. He spent the drive back to his dorm thinking about everything Matt had said, and he had to pause and take a deep breath when he found his foot growing heavy on the gas while his blood boiled in rage.

It wasn't until Shiro was back at his dorm, laying on his bed with his eyes on the ceiling, that he frowned at something he'd heard. Pidge had said she hadn't known a lot of stuff, but when she ran his phone out to him, she had said something that caught his attention. She said Quinn got jumped at night and couldn't see his attackers. Matt hadn't mentioned any such details, only stating that Quinn had been jumped and blamed Matt for it as he filled in the gaps from Pidge's retelling of everything that had happened. Maybe Matt just hadn't thought to go so deep into detail with Quinn's attack, especially because talking about past trauma wasn't exactly easy or fun, as Shiro knew. However, the look in Pidge's eyes when she stood outside his car had been dark and angry, and Shiro found himself intrigued. Maybe Katie Holt knew more than she let on.

Chapter Text

It was Saturday the next time Shiro saw Matt. The Holts had originally planned to keep him home until Monday, but he had been recovering well. He finished his missed schoolwork in less than two days and gotten bored to the point that Sam walked into his room to find him half dangling off his bed solving a Rubik's Cube while upside down. Matt called Rift and asked if he could go in and work on projects in the back room, and the Holts allowed him to go on the condition that he would allow Colleen to walk him from the car to the IT Center, then not leave the room until one of his parents arrived at the IT Center itself to walk him to the car.

Shiro had been informed of Matt's presence on campus by a text.

Matt: Hey I'm back at school

Matt: Well not really at school more like im on campus

Matt: I was getting really bored

Matt: Rift let me go to work

Matt: I just gotta stay in the back room out of sight

Matt: Ive only been here for 20 mins and my hands already hURT

Matt: Anyone who doesn't do tech work will never understand the pain of hand cramping from using tiny screwdrivers and tweezers

In less than a minute, Shiro was stepping out the door with his keys in one hand and phone in the other. He'd yanked on his leather gloves and a random jacket that was clearly not warm enough for the cool, late-November day, but he didn't care. He had places to be, and a little bit of a chill wasn't going to make him turn back.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Shiro continued on his way. He wanted to put his head down to help keep some of the cold breeze off his face, but his instincts refused to let him rest. He was alert; chin up, muscles tense, eyes scanning his surroundings continuously.

As Shiro neared the IT Center, he started to feel a little calmer. He hadn't seen anyone else out on the street, other students likely staying inside instead of venturing into the cold. With everything that had happened recently, Quinn wasn't the only one who made him wary. Random people he'd never met before made him tense up, and anyone who stared at him a little too long made him start to feel threatened. Shiro knew he was simply hyperaware, his brain wound up so tight that he could barely relax. The tightness that twisted his chest only grew more uncomfortable no matter how slowly he breathed.

As Shiro rounded the last corner on the way to the IT Center, he froze. In front of the building stood a young man in a navy-blue hoodie, hands in his pockets. His head was tilted up as he gazed at the higher floor, and even from the side, Shiro recognized him instantly.

Quinn's gaze slid from the building to Shiro, and his lips pulled themselves into a slight frown. He stood and watched Shiro with a blank look that betrayed none of the thoughts in his head or emotions in his heart. His eyes were desolate. He didn't look distraught, afraid, cheerful, or smug. Unlike the average person, he gave nothing away; a good actor indeed.

Shiro felt something snap in his gut, and his hands clenched into fists so tense that he felt the leather of his gloves threatening to split. The cold was suddenly a distant memory as his body flooded with the heat of fury and rage. Every fiber of his being wanted to step forward, grab Quinn, and snap him like a twig. Break his arms, shatter his fingers so he'd never be able to make a fist again, nor would he be able to hurt some again. Paint his face black and blue with punches hard enough to leave a dent. Make him bleed, make him cry, make him feel every ounce of pain he'd every inflicted on anyone, Matt especially.

Shiro didn't move. Violence wasn't something he enjoyed, and not even beating Quinn – of all people – to a pulp would bring him so much as a smile. He might feel that he accomplished something, that he got revenge, but then he'd just feel cold. He wasn't the savage or brute some people believed he was when they saw him; that was the person in front of him. Besides, there was something far more important than his own anger on Shiro's mind. Matt had told him to stand down. Matt, the one who was suffering, had made a request. He'd endured Quinn's twisted wrath partially for Shiro's sake, and the last thing Shiro wanted to do was waste that sacrifice. Matt had been right about Quinn being crafty, but Quinn wouldn't need crafty if the security camera above the door of the building in front of them caught Shiro lunging at Quinn and beating the shit out of him.

It was Quinn who moved first. He turned to face Shiro, then continued to stare. He stared for nearly a minute, jaw tense, then turned around and walked away.

Shiro watched Quinn go, standing with his feet rooted to the concrete beneath them until Quinn was completely out of sight. Only then did Shiro take a step, heavy feet stomping the ground just a little too hard as he made his way inside.

Pausing outside the door to the IT Center, Shiro took a deep breath. He tried to calm his nerves and bury the anger that made his blood boil beneath his skin, though the lingering tension refused to go away. The tightness that had been building in his chest had only grown worse, nearly strangling him.

Shaking out his head, Shiro stepped into the IT Center. He instantly caught the attention of the girl at the counter – Cypress - who took one look at him and walked into the back room. She emerged moments later with Matt, whose face had finally shed the bruises that had colored it days ago. Only a slight shadow around one of his eyes remained.

"Hey," Matt greeted, a small smile on his face.

"Hey," Shiro returned.

Matt walked along the counter to the far end where a short door with a plain handle was. He pulled the door open and gestured toward the back room with his head, waiting until Shiro hesitantly stepped past the counter before he closed the door and led the way. The pair took a sharp turn after entering the back room, coming to a halt at a row of tables with a few chairs stacked next to them in the corner of the room.

As Shiro pulled a chair from the stack and set it down for himself, he noted with a feeling of nausea that the table Matt was working at was completely out of sight for anyone on the customer side of the counter. There was even an array of broken tech laid out across the other tables spanning the wall on the side of the room Matt was on. There was plenty to work on, so much that Matt wouldn't have to pass the doorway to grab another project to work on when he finished what he was doing. He'd never be in sight for anyone who might come by the IT Center. No one else would know he was there.

Neither Matt nor Shiro spoke for the first ten minutes that Shiro was there. Matt was focused on his work, switching between screwdrivers, tweezers, and tools Shiro didn't recognize without missing a beat. Shiro simple watched him, intrigued. Seeing Matt working was… nice, in a way. His face was relaxed, though his eyebrows would pinch together when something didn't go right. He'd bite his lip when working on something small, so intensely focused that even an earthquake probably couldn't break his concentration.

When Matt finished with the project he'd been working on when Shiro arrived, he set it aside with a growing pile of finished work and started looking over the remaining broken tech next to him. He ended up plucking a phone with a shattered screen from the pile and returning to his seat with it.

Just as Matt was about to get started, Cypress greeted a customer. Shiro tensed, straining his ears as he tried to listen for the voice of the customer. When the customer spoke in an unfamiliar tone, Shiro let out a sigh and closed his eyes in relief. Once he opened them, he saw Matt watching him with a slightly confused look as he held a screwdriver in his fingers loosely.

Shiro tried glancing away, but Matt was still looking at him expectantly, clearly interested in what made Shiro so hyperaware. A dark look in his eyes told Shiro he already knew but was waiting to hear it himself.

"On my way over, I saw Quinn standing in front of the building," Shiro admitted, his gaze resting on the floor. "He was staring up at this floor."

Matt said nothing, so Shiro risked a glance up. Matt's expression expressed some of the worry Shiro had expected, though he was surprised to find his friend leveling him with a wary look.

"Did you do anything?" Matt asked slowly, his gaze gradually sliding toward the phone in his hand.

"No. No, I didn't," Shiro assured. He saw Matt's shoulders relax slightly. "I wanted to-" Matt's head whipped toward Shiro as he raised his eyebrows in warning "-but I didn't, I promise."

Setting down his screwdriver, Matt sighed. "Thanks." He blinked slowly, and his face seemed to age ten years in mere seconds. He was stressing over the possibility of seeing Quinn, the extreme vigilance and anxiety that came with not seeing Quinn, worry over what might happen to his friends and family, and what he could and could not avoid.

Matt opened his mouth like he meant to speak, then closed it, then opened it again. In the end, nothing came out. Instead, he shook his head and returned to working.

Shiro watched with a pang of guilt. He knew what it was like to feel stuck, to have no answers. He'd never been in Matt's exact position, but he'd seen similar situations. To be threatened with your friends on the line –your family—Shiro knew that well. He didn't like the way Matt was thinking, the way he was accepting the brunt of everything Quinn was throwing at him for the sake of others. However, Shiro knew that he was no different. He would do the exact same thing no matter who tried to change his mind, so who was he to lecture Matt more than he already had? It was easier to suffer than to watch those you care about suffer.

The sound of approaching footsteps broke Shiro from his thoughts, and he looked over his shoulder to see Cyprus poking her head through the door.

"Matt," she said, trying to get her coworkers attention. Matt was silent.

"Matt."

"Matt."

Cyprus' attempts were fruitless; Matt was already deep in his own head and focused on his work.

Taking pity on Cyprus, Shiro turned away from her and reached toward his friend. "Matt," he called, tapping lightly on the younger man's upper arm. "Matthew."

Matt's head jerked up his gaze zipping from the phone in front of him to Shiro, then to Cyprus. "Hm?"

Cyprus shook her head, but her lips were turned up in an amused smile. "Your dad just called us and said you left your painkillers at home. He wants to know if you want someone to bring them," she explained.

Matt frowned. "Why didn't he just call me?" he asked.

"He did. Four time, apparently."

"Seriously?"

"Yes. Now if you value your life, answer quickly."

"No, I'm fine."

Cypress swung out of the doorway, returning to the counter outside.

Matt and Shiro watched Cypress go, then Matt dug around in his pocket for his phone. He pulled it out and was met with notifications for four missed calls and seven texts from both Sam and Colleen.

"I am so dead."

Shiro frowned. "Can't blame your parents for worrying."

Matt nodded in agreement, scrubbing at his face with his hands. He winced when he pressed too hard on the fading bruise around his eye, pulling his hands away from his face abruptly with a scowl.

"Ow."

Shiro furrowed his eyebrows in concern. "Are you sure you don't need painkillers? I could always run back to my dorm and grab some."

Matt shook his head. "Nah, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I haven't taken any the last few days."

"You do look much better."

Matt scrunched up his face into an exaggerated pout. "Oh no, did you miss my beautiful, undamaged face?"

Shiro left out an amused huff. "Yes, it was so tragic," he stated sarcastically. His voice softened. "I'm just glad you're not hurt anymore."

"Just about. I want to say all I have to do is steer clear of Quinn, but something tells me it won't be that easy."

Shiro frowned. "Is he actively going after you?" That would explain seeing him outside the building earlier.

"When he jumped me earlier this week, that was no accident."

"Has he been doing that since we saw him in the library that first time?"

"No, I think he just happened to be in the same area at the same time at first."

"What changed?"

Matt was silent for a moment, and Shiro felt unease creeping up his throat like bile. "What happened?" he asked slowly, his voice low.

Matt looked away from Shiro with a wince. If the conversation were about anything else, Shiro would have stopped pushing there. However, Quinn was no topic to be gentle with.

"I, uh, saw him at the aviation fair."

Shiro's blood ran cold.

Matt sighed. "I went out to my dad's car to get the computer charger, and he was headed into the fair. He called out to me and when I asked why he was there since I thought he might have been following me, he said he was interested in the aviation program," he explained. "I don't know if I believed him or not, but by then, I was tired of being afraid of him. It was stressing me out, and I'm stronger than I was in high school."

Shiro's jaw muscle twitched from tension.

"I decided I'd tell him to shove it up his ass, then I told him to fuck off and left before he could say anything back. That pissed him off. He even brought it up when he jumped me, basically saying he wanted revenge or something."

"What did your dad say about it?" Shiro asked. He was surprised Sam hadn't abandoned ship at the fair and taken Matt home then and there.

"Oh, uh… I didn't tell him. I didn't want to make him worry."

Shiro sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "You should have told him, or me. We're here to help you, Matt."

"I know! I'm sorry. I just didn't want to get anyone else involved, and I didn't think he'd be able to kick the shit out of me even if he tried. When he jumped me, I fought back okay at first, it was just when he started threatening you…" Matt trailed off.

"But if it happens again, you'll protect yourself," Shiro stated. His voice may have been warm, but his words were clearly an order.

"I know." Matt's voice had gone quiet. He scrunched up his eyebrows as if deep in thought, then looked back at Shiro. With an expressionless face, Matt looked Shiro directly in the eyes and said, "If I see him again, he can say goodbye to his kneecaps."

Shiro stared. He said nothing at first, then cocked his head in confusion.

Matt searched Shiro's face with a hopefully glint in his eyes, though once he realized Shiro didn't understand, he sighed. "It's because, y'know, I'm short. And short people… can just… go for the knees."

Shiro frowned. "You're not that short. I mean, you were at the beginning of the semester but… you grow like a weed."

It was Matt's turn to frown. The younger man abruptly stood, then stared at Shiro expectantly until he stood as well. They weren't too far apart, and it was easy to see that Matt had in fact grown significantly. Not long ago when they'd started Matt's self-defense lessons, he'd been about chin-height on Shiro. Now, the top of his head was just under Shiro's nose.

"Holy shit."

Matt tilted his head up to look up at Shiro, then looked down, then back up again. "If I'm not taller than you by next year I'm gonna eat an onion like an apple." His face was determined

Shiro raised his eyebrows. "Okay, first of all, don't. Second of all-" Shiro paused, a playful grin manifesting on his face "-don't count on it," he challenged.

Matt snorted. "Oh, I will."

Caught up in the moment, neither heard footsteps approaching until a voice made them both jump.

"If you boyfriends are done giggling and staring lovingly into each other's eyes, I need a hand."

Cyprus stood with her arms crossed and side leaning against the doorframe, her face painted with an expression that said she wasn't serious. Still, Matt and Shiro both went pink, and Matt quickly jerked away and dropped into his chair.

"What did you need?" Matt asked, turning around to face his coworker. There was a slight tremor in his voice.

Cyprus nodded at Shiro. "I need to borrow The Incredible Hulk over here. A customer just dropped off a tower that weighs twice what I do, so I can't bring it back here."

Matt looked to Shiro, who nodded, then back at Cyprus. "Okay, but if you break him, you're buying me a new one."

Shiro put a hand on his chest with a look of mock betrayal. "How dare you assume such a priceless work of art could be replaced!"

The three broke into chuckles as Cyprus led Shiro to the counter while Matt got back to work. Shiro made quick work of moving the computer that had been brought in, letting Cyprus lead him around and guide him to the proper area for new arrivals. He then pulled out his phone to check the time and discovered that he'd been at the IT Center longer than he thought.

Shiro glanced around, noting that Cyprus had gone back to the counter while Matt was once again hyper-focused on the tech in front of him. He seemed to have gotten quite a bit done earlier but was only working on his second project since Shiro arrived. There was still a massive pile of broken tech next to him, and he likely had five hours left in his shift at most. That wasn't enough time to finish the work at his current pace.

Unsure of whether he wanted to stick around and talk to Matt and watch over him or leave Matt in peace to finish his work without distractions, Shiro frowned. He glanced at his phone again, then at Matt, then at all the broken tech. He debated, weighing the choices in his head against his worries, then finally made a decision. Shiro tapped the volume button on his phone, turning the ringer all the way up, then crossed the room. He tapped Matt on the shoulder, then waited for his friend to break away from his focus.

"Hm?" Matt tilted his head back, the base of his skull dropping to his shoulders as he leaned over the back of his chair and looked up at Shiro while still holding the broken phone he was working on in his hands.

"You look like you've got a lot to do, so I think I'll head out," Shiro said. His eyebrows furrowed. "Just… If you have a problem, call me. I'll be back before you know it."

Matt gave Shiro a thankful smile and nodded. "I will, thanks."

Shiro returned Matt's nod, then turned and headed for the main room. Just as he reached the door, Matt's voice rang out behind him.

"You be careful too."

` Shiro paused. He was a huge and intimidating guy. It was rare that he'd encounter any dangerous situations, seeing as most people would take one look at him and decide they wanted to keep their neck intact. For that reason, no one ever felt the need to express worry over his safety. It was nice to hear, though. Matt's words were a reminder that Shiro wasn't just someone there to protect him, but also his friend. They looked after each other. Shiro smiled.

"I will."

Minutes later, the two were far apart. Matt was still in his seat, and Shiro was already out of the building. However, the pair stopped in sync. Shiro ceased his walking, and Matt set down his tools. Both leaned their heads back, anxiety welling up within them, then exhaled a long, slow breath. Neither were sure where to go next, what to do to keep the other safe. They'd made it this far, though, and knew they would figure something out. Matt picked up his tools again with newfound focus steadying his shaky hands. Shiro resumed walking, a new destination in mind.

-000-

The university's gym had dozens of machines Shiro frequented with every trip, though this time, he bypassed them all. He didn't feel like lifting dumbbells or heavy bars, nor was he interested in doing lunges or squats on the open floor as he often liked to. He bypassed the treadmills with a grimace. The last thing he wanted to do was run, let alone on something with no start or end point.

Shiro found himself in front of the punching bags in the back of the gym, his leather gloves pulled tight over his fingers. He'd stopped at his dorm for mere minutes to change his clothes, then he was off to the gym. He hadn't even bothered to bring his duffel bag, only a set of earbuds for music. He put them in but didn't bother to play a song. He was feeling too impatient to pick a song, or even push the play button and listen to whatever came on. The constant, faint ringing in his ears was enough to cover any background noise the earbuds didn't fully block out.

Shiro shifted his feet, then launched a fist into the bag. The chains above and below the bag rattled in protest from the force. He punched again, harder this time. Then again, and again. His strikes became increasingly more violent, his jaw muscles clenching so tightly that his jaw itself felt like it might lock. Shiro ignored it and continued. All the anger that had flooded him recently, the pure fury that had bubbled up within him and been forced down again and again was returning. It made the air around him feel hot as if he was burning alive. Maybe he was, boiling from the inside out from the heat of his own anger. Anger toward Matt for not putting himself first. Anger toward Quinn for making the life of the kindest, most considerate young man Shiro knew a shadow of suffering. Anger toward himself for not being able to act, not knowing how to help. Everything he'd bottled up recently, from the stress and anger others brought upon him to the repetitive losing battles he fought in his own head that kept him awake at night and sapped him of every ounce of energy he had, came spilling forth. Shiro simply lost himself in a flurry of attacks on the punching bag in front of him. Harsh punches were joined by savage kicks and sharp elbows and knees. Shiro let everything out, pouring every bit of the fire within him into the target in front of him while his heavy, deep breaths released the heat from within him.

Hours may have passed while Shiro was attacking the punching bag, or it could have been mere minutes. Time meant nothing to him at the moment. He was focused, and nothing else mattered, not until his phone came to life in his pocket.

Shiro's heart froze, and he ripped his phone out of his pocket before the second ring could even start. His eyes closed in on the number and he found that it was only a spam call. The sight made Shiro sigh in relief for the tenth time that day as he slid his phone back into his pocket.

An attempt to lift his head left Shiro a failure. Instead of returning to his phase of rage, he stumbled forward and leaned against the punching he'd nearly annihilated. There were dents in the bag that Shiro wasn't sure would smooth out, but he didn't have it in him to care. He'd let everything out, the rush of adrenaline from the call washing away with every bit of strength he had left. Now he was an exhausted shell. He was still angry, but it didn't boil his blood or make his jaw clench.

Struggling to catch his breath as his downcast eyes crawled slowly around the floor, Shiro sagged against the punching bag. He hadn't had such a strong outburst in years. He simply hoped the whole Quinn issue would be resolved soon, that Quinn would end up too far away to ever so much as look at Matt again. If not, Shiro wasn't sure how much more he could take before he couldn't hold himself back. He didn't like violence, but a human could only hang on so long before they snapped, and the cord holding Shiro's sanity together frayed faster and faster with each passing day of crushing anxiety over what would happen next.

Chapter Text

By Tuesday afternoon, the entire Holt family was holding their breath. Sam had overheard some professors and learned that Quinn had gone to class with a nasty black eye soon after he attacked Matt, then began skipping classes. Without other information it was hard to determine the reasoning, but it could only be one of two things: either Quinn had given up, or he was planning something.

With Matt finally healed, his parents decided to relax the tight restrictions they had placed on him. He could walk around by himself during the day as long as he stayed in more crowded areas, and he no longer received calls and texts every ten minutes. He still couldn't be on his own in a deserted area or at night since there was no guarantee that Quinn wasn't watching and waiting, but the slight loosening of the leash around his neck was a significant relief.

Shiro was in his dorm reading a book he'd received from his younger brother's friend Lance when his phone buzzed on the nightstand. Immediately he dropped the book and clawed at the nightstand to pick up his phone. He held the screen too close to his face as he read the text and held his breath out of worry that something might have happened.

Sam: I have a meeting tonight and Colleen has to work. Matt is supposed to meet me at the aviation building, but it might be dark out by the time he gets there, and I don't want him out alone at night. Do you mind walking with him?

Letting out a heavy sigh of relief, Shiro let his phone fall into his lap as he dropped his head against the wall behind him and closed his eyes. As much as he hoped Quinn had given up, that he'd gotten his "revenge" in his last attack on Matt or decided Matt had grown too troublesome to continue targeting, he knew that wasn't the case. He'd seen guys like Quinn before, guys who latched onto a target and never let go. Some of them had been brutal, others even deadly. It was hard to tell which one Quinn was, though it was safe to say he wasn't just someone with a nasty bark and harmless bite.

Picking up his phone, Shiro typed out a response.

Shiro: Sure, just have him text me when he's ready to go. I can drive him over, too, so he's not on the street.

Sam: As much as I'd appreciate it, they're working on a burst pipe under the road on campus. They have a section including the route from the IT Center to aviation building closed off while they work. You won't be able to park very close and will end up walking through more unlit areas than you would just walking the whole way. The only way in and out of here is a service road accessible only to staff. It's okay if you can't do it or don't want to walk so far. I can just have Matt wait in the IT building.

Shiro: It's fine I can do it.

Sam: Okay. I can give you a ride back to your dorm after the meeting, too. You'll have to stick around for a bit, but I'd prefer you not go out by yourself either.

Shiro: If you don't mind, thanks.

Sam: Thank you. I'll see you tonight

Shiro tossed his phone down onto his bed and picked up his book once again. It was fairly interesting, enough so that he felt compelled to finish it by the end of the day before he went out to walk with Matt. At first, he'd winced at the thought of some coming-of-age novel with a romantic subplot that takes place in the eighties, but it was quickly piquing his interest. Benjamin Alire Sáenz was a good author indeed.

-000-

It was nearly nine in the evening when Shiro got a text from Matt saying the IT Center would close soon and he was almost ready to leave. Shiro had already pulled on his typical long-sleeved attire and leather gloves, then he also wrapped a scarf around his neck to combat the biting cold of the near-winter air outside. He was out the door in less than a minute.

Shiro frowned when he neared the building that housed the IT Center but didn't see Matt, only to watch the young man slip out through the front door once Shiro approached.

"Hey," Matt greeted with a wave.

Shiro returned the greeting with a nod, then tossed his head in the direction of the aviation building. "You ready to go?"

Matt bobbed his head in agreement and started off, hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket. "Why is it so cold? Seriously, I think my hands are gonna fall off," he complained.

"You realize that it's winter," Shiro pointed out. He kicked at the dusting of snow on the ground. "It's been snowing on and off for like a week."

Matt pouted. "Screw it, I'm moving to Florida. This is bullshit."

"Florida won't have cancelled classes because of snowstorms."

"…Perhaps I can wait and see."

Shiro chuckled, causing Matt to continue to pout until the humor got the best of him and split his face into a grin.

"Hey, it's not that bad," Shiro claimed, pulling his phone from his pocket. He clicked the power button and glanced at the screen. "It's only… thirty degrees out."

"Anything below sixty belongs in the arctic."

"That's not how climate works."

"That's how climate should work."

"So, do you want it to be eighty degrees or more every day?"

Matt grimaced. "Oh hell no. Keep that shit at the equator."

Shiro shook his head. "You're worse than Eurus."

"At least she understands me."

"True. She does tend to think about nothing but where the snacks are and if it's too hot or too cold."

Matt gasped. "How dare you call me out like that!"

Shiro gave an exaggerated eye roll, and Matt retaliated by sticking his foot out and poking at Shiro's leg with it in a gentle mock kick. The two had grins on their faces that warmed their whole bodies despite the cold winter evening air. They felt light, and the pent-up fear and anxiety that had been torturing them for weeks seemed to have disappeared.

Unfortunately, good things never seemed to last long. The pair was just over halfway to the aviation building, still talking, smiling, and laughing, when something stood in their path.

As Matt and Shiro neared a streetlamp, something stalked out from the shadows. Dark jeans, dirty sneakers, and a rumpled hoodie stepped into the light and stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. It made Shiro and Matt glance up in sync, then freeze where they were.

Quinn looked terrible. His hair was a mess under his hood, not neat like he tended to keep it. Dark circles under his eyes were exaggerated on one side by a bruise still trying to heal. His eyes appeared bloodshot and his pupils dilated.

"Hey there, Holt." Quinn's tone carried the essence of a taunt.

Shiro and Matt both stayed silent, not taking their eyes off the young man in front of them.

"Thanks for the little makeover," Quinn continued, tapping his black eye. "My buddies really liked it. Nasty bruise from some nerdy twink? Pathetic!" He spat the last word with his brow furrowed. "They got a good laugh outta' that. Can't even go to class without getting their shit." That explained where Quinn had disappeared off to. "You should've just taken it like you always did back in high school. Maybe then I'd have forgiven you for the stunt you pulled on me and my guys. But it seems like you have a good time poking the bear." He paused. "I hope you didn't think you wouldn't get bit."

Quinn took a step forward, and Shiro instinctively sidestepped so he was partially in front of Matt. It seemed that wasn't a good move, though, as Quinn's face split into a malicious grin.

"Oh, you've trained him well, Holt. Are you sure he isn't your bodyguard?"

Shiro frowned. "What do you want?" he questioned.

Quinn sighed heavily. "You poor thing. You don't know what you're standing next to, do you?" He turned his gaze to Matt. "Come on, Holt. Tell him. Tell him what you are." He paused, then shook his head when Matt stayed silent. "Really? Do you want me to tell him for you? I was just hoping to watch him beat the shit outta' you, but…"

"What are you talking about?" Shiro asked, eyebrows furrowed. His entire body was tense, ready to strike if needed. He had promise not to throw the first punch, but the moment Quinn came at them, he would return the favor with no mercy.

"Don't listen to a word he says, Shiro," Matt interrupted, speaking for the first time since they saw Quinn. He was so tense that he was nearly shaking, and his hands were clenched so tightly that his fingernails dug painfully into his palms.

Quinn looked to Shiro. "I don't know what he's paying you, but you seem like a smart guy. I'd get the hell away from him if I were you, though. Never know what that fuckin' weirdo might do."

Shiro frowned but didn't respond.

Quinn sighed again, turning in a full circle as he rolled his eyes dramatically. "Come on! Is your brain made of protein powder?" he questioned. Quinn looked to Matt. "For a nerd, you've got stupid friends- or should I say friend. At least everyone else has enough of a brain to keep away from you." Quinn looked back to Shiro. "Hey, China -or whatever your name is- he's a freak, alright? He probably wants to molest you in your sleep or something."

Shiro's frown deepened as the slightest bit of confusion slipped into his expression.

"Oh my god, do I need to spell it out for you? He's a fag! Gay! He likes dick!"

Matt stiffened. Shiro glanced at him quickly, then looked back at Quinn in silence.

Quinn pulled his hands from his pockets and scrubbed at his face tiredly. "Dude, he only hangs around with you because you're his type! A huge muscle guy-"

"Shut. Up."

Matt's voice was low and full of rage. He was shaking from the sheer fury coursing through his body.

Quinn didn't bat an eye at Matt's words, still focused on Shiro. "Now that you know, it's your call. Matty here is gonna pay for the wonderful makeover he gave my eye, but I have nothing against you. You can walk away right now, keep your mouth shut, and we'll leave you alone. Or you can give him what he deserves if you really want to. The more the merrier."

Shiro clenched his jaw. "We?" he questioned.

Just then, five people appeared from the shadows. All of them were around Quinn's age, young guys with vicious smirks painted on their faces. It was six against two, with Quinn's side holding the advantage of numbers.

"As much as I'd love to beat the shit out of you myself, I have to admit you've gotten pretty good recently. I decided it would be best to get some help to make sure you can't even throw a punch." Quinn held out his arms, gesturing to his crew as he locked eyes with Matt. He then looked to Shiro. "What will it be?"

Shiro didn't budge from where he stood, nor did he speak. Instead he reached up and pulled the scarf he was wearing from around his neck and tossed it aside. It was better to take it off than to leave the opponent an easy weapon to use against him.

Quinn frowned. "Really? Holt managed to find another fag who's just his type?" He shook his head. "Whatever." Quinn stepped forward, his crew closing in on Matt and Shiro. "Let's just call beating the shit outta' you a little community service. Gotta keep the kids safe from the pervs," he hissed at Shiro. With no further warning, he lunged forward and swung.

Quinn wasn't a martial artist, and neither were his guys, but they made up for their lack of skill with an onslaught of attacks thrown as fast and as hard as they could. Shiro could only block so many punches and kicks at once despite his combat training, and Matt was struggling to keep up. The only saving grace for the pair was that, in that moment, they threw caution to the wind and attacked with everything they had.

Shiro managed to take one of Quinn's grunts down with a well-aimed kick in the achilles. The young man crumbled, then tried to stand only to find that his leg was down for the count and shot with numbness. He tried to lash out with his arms and remaining leg, but Shiro shuffled out of reach. Down to five against two, their odds were hardly better.

Matt let out a pained grunt when Quinn and one of the others lunged at him together, dodging Quinn only for the other guy to land a solid punch on his chest that pushed all the air from his lungs and left him breathless. He collapsed to his knees, guard down and vulnerable as he struggled to inhale. Quinn took advantage and began to pummel him with punches and kicks.

Out of the corner of his eye, Shiro saw Matt go down. Three of Quinn's grunts were teaming up against him and he could barely defend himself, but he couldn't simply stand and watch Matt get attacked. With a deep growl, Shiro ducked back before slamming into one of his opponents. The young man was sent flying into Quinn, knocking the ringleader off his feet. The other man attacking Matt jumped out of the way, providing Matt with a few precious seconds to regain his bearings and get back on his feet.

Shiro's attack had cost him, though, as one of his opponents managed to grab the back of his collar and pull. Shiro choked as his jacket pressed harshly into his throat. He narrowed his eyes as he reached behind himself and grabbed his opponent's wrist in an iron grip before dropping into a crouch and pulling. The man holding his collar stumbled into him, tripped, then was sent sailing over Shiro and into the snowy dirt. The landing knocked the wind out of him, and he rolled slowly onto his side while coughing rather than attempting to stand again.

Quinn disappeared from in front of Matt, then suddenly he was slamming into Shiro. Quinn tackled him to the ground before he could fully stand, smashing Shiro's skull into the dirt before slamming a fist into his face. Shiro's remaining opponent kicked at his ribs while Quinn knelt on his chest to hold him down.

With Matt locked in a one on one against the second remaining grunt, Shiro had no help on its way. He was trapped and in pain, and it wasn't long before panic began to take hold and instinct kicked in. He'd been held down and hurt before. He'd left behind reason and lashed out like an animal. Back then, it had been to no avail. However, that was not the case with Quinn.

Shiro didn't bother thinking about the consequences if he went too far. He was out of control, a slave to memories and pain from the past. He growled and grabbed Quinn despite the flurry of attacks being thrown at him, kicked up a leg to leverage himself up, then flipped over to pin Quinn into the dirt. He raised a fist, then slammed it into Quinn's face. Quinn's nose crunched loudly, clearly broken, but Shiro didn't care. He raised his fist to strike again.

"Shiro!"

With only half a second of warning, Shiro glanced up to see one of the grunts flying toward him. He was tackled off Quinn and landed hard on his right shoulder. He must have landed just right, because pain flared in his arm. Every nerve was suddenly on fire, the pain consuming him entirely. Everywhere from his shoulder to his fingertips felt as if it was full of broken glass. It hurt so much that he couldn't breathe, and he let out nothing more than a choked gasp.

Matt saw Shiro fall and stay down, then swung out at his opponent's throat with a desperate chop. The man choked, and Matt swept his legs out from under him. The man toppled over backwards and lay still, groaning.

Without glancing back, Matt ran at the man who had taken down Shiro. He grabbed fistfuls of the man's shirt and pulled, ripping him off Shiro and throwing him into the dirt. The two were caught in a scuffle, though Shiro couldn't step in to help. The pain was starting to fade, but he could barely sit up.

Just as Shiro managed to push himself upright, a dirty sneaker stomped on his chest and shoved him back to the ground. He looked up just in time to see Quinn glaring down at him, nose crooked and face stained with blood.

"You fucker," Quinn growled before lifting his foot and stomping down again, this time on Shiro's head. Quinn's foot fell hard on Shiro's temple, and the world blurred. Everything hurt even though he couldn't see it. He could vaguely hear Matt shouting, though he couldn't make anything out. Another stomp landed on his head again and the world disappeared for just a moment. Quinn was ready to send him to the hospital, or worse, and Shiro was too stunned to defend himself.

Another shout from Matt sounded somewhat like Shiro's name, though it was hard to tell. Another stomp never came, and Shiro cracked his eyes open just enough to see Matt and Quinn at each other's throats. Both were bruised and bloody, though neither was ready to back down. Matt was pushing Quinn away from Shiro while Quinn lashed out, dotting Matt's face and chest with punches.

It seemed like an eternity before Matt got the upper hand and finally shoved Quinn clear of himself and Shiro. Quinn scowled and stepped forward, prepared to attack again, only for foreign shouts to fill the air.

The sights and sounds were starting to come into focus for Shiro as flashlights closed in on the group. A dozen people donning the uniforms of campus security and the local police came into view under the streetlamp, all of them shouting at everyone to freeze. A few peeled off the group and knelt next to Quinn's fallen grunts while the remainder went for Quinn and Matt. The two stepped apart, Matt planting himself between Quinn and Shiro.

"What the hell took so long? These freaks nearly beat the shit outta' me and my friends!" Quinn complained, prodding at his broken nose.

From where he lay on the ground, Shiro's stomach sank as he remembered Matt's past warnings. Quinn was great at talking his way out of things, and it seemed he wasn't hesitating to start. If he managed to turn the attack around and make it seem like Shiro and Matt had been the initiators, he'd walk free and Matt's fears would become reality.

One of the cops approached Quinn, who dropped his hands and sighed. "Seriously, would it kill the school to hire better security? I don't like getting jumped on my way home," Quinn grumbled. "What the hell am I supposed to do when some gorilla and white boy Bruce Lee are out to get me?"

The cop shook his head, and to everyone's surprise, pulled out a pair of handcuffs. He wrestled the cuffs around Quinn's wrists as he rattled off his rights.

"What the fuck are you doing? You deaf? These guys fuckin' attacked me-" Quinn started, only to be silenced when he was shoved to his knees by the officer, who pointed up at the streetlamp.

"See that?" the officer asked, pointing up at the light. Shiro followed the man's gaze and squinted up at the top of the light pole. A security camera came into view, this one clearly a new model recently installed. "Audio and video. We heard everything you said, and we saw you confront these two. Don't lie to my face or I'll add another charge to the list."

Quinn was pale and silent, his face blank as if he thought he was dreaming. He stumbled, lost for words, as the officer pulled him to his feet and moved him to sit by his grunts, all of whom had also been cuffed.

A security guard jogged over to Matt, pulling a flashlight from his pocket to shine on Matt's face and take stock of his injuries. A second guard approached Shiro carefully, kneeling next to him but making no move to touch him.

"Takashi Shirogane? Are you alright?" the woman asked calmly.

Shiro blinked in confusion, unsure of how the woman knew his name.

"We identified everyone involved in the fight when we mobilized in case any serious injuries occurred. I read part of your file, so I know you may be struggling right now. Is it okay if I look at your injuries?" she asked.

Shiro nodded, slowly pushing himself upright. He scrubbed tiredly at his face despite the painful bruises, then sat as still as he could as the security guard pulled a flashlight from her pocket and shone it on his face. She was gentle when she prodded at his bruises and paused whenever he flinched. It made him feel slightly relieved that she knew of his mental illness and was being careful. The last thing he wanted was to do was accidently lash out at someone who was trying to help him.

By the time Matt and Shiro had been bandaged by first-aid kits and cleared by the med student who was working security that night for a little extra cash, three police cars and two campus security cars had arrived. Quinn and his grunts were packed away into the police cars, and one security guard had contacted Sam to inform him of the incident and ask that he take Matt home immediately upon his arrival at the aviation building.

"Come on, we'll take your friend to the aero campus and you back to your dorm, Mr. Shirogane," the guard who had initially spoken to Shiro said. She nodded toward one of the cars.

Shiro nodded, then scanned his surroundings in search of a familiar head of sandy brown hair. His eyes locked on Matt, who was standing with another security guard. The guard put a hand on Matt's back to guide him towards the car, said something, then gestured toward Shiro. Matt glanced back at Shiro but dropped his eyes the moment he met Shiro's gaze and turned away. It sent a shock through Shiro's chest when Matt headed for the security car without looking back.

The hurt Shiro felt must have shown on Shiro's face, because the security guard with him stepped up beside him. "You've both been through a lot tonight. Give him a little time, and it'll be okay."

Shiro nodded and followed the woman as she led him to the other security vehicle, though he was far from convinced. His gaze lingered on the vehicle that held Matt until the two cars turned in opposite directions and the other disappeared from view.

-000-

In the safety of his dorm, Shiro pulled off his dirty and bloody clothes. He tossed them in the hamper and glanced in the mirror in his bathroom, grimacing at the bruises that stained his skin. He then turned and looked at his arm in the mirror, searching for any signs of damage. The chunks of metal fused to his skin looked the same as usual, and the earlier pain had disappeared. Whatever had happened was already over, though the experience had been strange. Shiro made a mental note to mention it to his doctor next time he had an appointment, though for the time being he simply took a warm shower to clean off the grime and ease the ache in his arm from the cold metal.

Wearing fresh clothes, Shiro stumbled tiredly to his bed. He flopped down, ready to sleep, then stuck out a hand and smacked around the nightstand until his hand found his phone. He turned his head so he could see the screen as he unlocked it and pulled up Matt's contact in search of new messages.

Shiro: Did you get home safe?

Shiro: Are you okay?

Shiro: Matt, you're worrying me. What's wrong?

Shiro: If you're upset about what Quinn said, I'm sorry. He was wrong, though. I don't care who you are or who you like

Shiro: Matt?

There wasn't a single message from Matt, nor was there an icon stating that Matt had read his texts. Part of Shiro hoped he had simply gone straight to bed after getting home and never checked his phone, but the part of Shiro that knew Matt understood Matt had done no such thing. Matt refusing to so much as look at him hadn't been an accident.

Shiro sighed heavily and turned his head back into his pillow. He felt cold and hollow; completely lost. Matt, his closest friend, was radio silent. Matt wouldn't even look at him. Matt was hurt, and he wouldn't speak to Shiro about it. Matt didn't trust him. Matt was afraid of him.

Dropping his phone carelessly back on the nightstand, Shiro lay still. He focused on anything and everything outside of himself that he could, though not even the poke of Eurus' claws through the material of his shirt was enough to distract him from the prickle in his eyes.

Chapter Text

Three days later, Shiro had yet to hear from Matt. Neither had gone to classes, still healing from the injuries they sustained from Quinn and his grunts. Shiro had sent a dozen texts to Matt with no response, and his few attempts at calling had sent him straight to voicemail. The cold shoulder left Shiro drowning in ice, his heart and gut frozen to the point that he could barely get up in the morning or eat more than a small snack. He was devoid of the light Matt had brought into his life, one that Quinn may have stolen away permanently with a few stinging words.

Unable to stomach the loneliness any longer, Shiro found himself at the door of the Holt household with one fist raised to knock on the door. He hesitated, knowing whatever happened when that door opened would be the ultimatum for their friendship. Either there was a chance for them to talk, or Matt didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.

Before Shiro could knock, the door opened. On the other side was Colleen Holt, dark circles under her weary eyes. Her lips curved into a small, sad smile when she met Shiro’s gaze and took in the fading bruises that weren’t covered by his long-sleeved shirt, gloves, jeans, or shoes.

“Hello, ma’am,” Shiro greeted quietly. He tried to smile politely, but all he could manage was a broken imitation.

“Shiro, it’s nice to see you,” she stated genuinely.

The two stood in silence for a moment, unsure of what to say next. Colleen was a kind woman who Shiro had spoken to a few times, but it was usually Sam who talked to him. They were far more familiar with each other, though Sam was currently at the university teaching Shiro’s aviation class with Instructor Con.

Colleen closed her eyes for a moment, then stepped back and opened the door wider to invite Shiro in. He accepted, hesitantly stepping inside just far enough that Colleen could close the door and keep out the chilly air and dusting of snow outside.

“Is, uh, is Matt here?” Shiro asked, his gaze sinking to the floor. The house was silent with Sam at work and Pidge at school, so it was hard to tell if Matt was present. No sounds of tinkering or dropped tools echoed through the house.

Colleen nodded. She was silent for a moment, then she looked up at Shiro with an expression that seemed to age her twenty years all at once. She looked worn and exhausted, eaten by worry and stress. “He isn’t…himself. He hasn’t eaten since Sam brought him home Tuesday, and he won’t leave his room,” she admitted, her voice low and quiet. “He’s been through a lot and has had, eh, episodes before, but this time it’s different.” Colleen glanced in the direction of her son’s room, then back at Shiro. “We heard about Quinn, what he said. It scared Matt, more than any of us know. He finally got away from those who hurt him for who he is, and he hasn’t said a word about it to anyone since, but….” Her voice trailed off.

“He’s been ignoring my messages,” Shiro said. “I understand if he’s worried about what I think of him, but no matter how many times I told him it was okay, he would never respond. I’m not sure he’s even read them.”

Colleen nodded, then stepped aside and gestured toward Matt’s room. “He’s afraid, but he misses you, Shiro. I’ve never seen him trust someone the way he trusts you or light up whenever he’s planning to meet with you. You’re his friend, and no amount of fear will make him give up on you completely,” she promised. “Go see him. Even if he won’t talk, I know it’ll make him feel better just having you there.”

Shiro nodded slowly, then slipped off his shoes and headed for Matt’s room. He paused outside of it, knocked, then slowly pushed the door open when he got no response.

Matt was on the floor in his room, surrounded by machine parts per usual. However, he seemed to stare at the parts more than he tried to use them. His eyes looked hazy and he moved slowly like he was in a trance. He didn’t look up as Shiro stepped in, closed the door, and sat down on the floor across from him.

Neither spoke for a minute, deciding instead to simply sit in silence. The atmosphere tense, but Matt was clearly more so. The long pause seemed to make him relax some, though it was only just slightly.

After a moment, Shiro reached into his pocket and pulled out a small box covered in gift wrap. He leaned forward and set it between him and Matt, then looked at his friend, who had completely paused in his tinkering.

“A little while ago I asked your dad about what day your birthday is. He told me December first, so, uh, happy birthday,” Shiro said, glancing down at the box before looking back at Matt.

Matt froze, finally looking up at Shiro. He said nothing, his eyes wary and confused as he slowly set down his things before hesitantly reaching for the box. He glanced from the box to Shiro, who smiled and nodded, before carefully pulling the gift wrap off the box. He paused before he opened it, glancing at Shiro once again. The younger man’s caution made Shiro’s heart clench.

Matt opened the box and stared, then carefully pulled out a silver ring. He examined it for a moment before he noticed the inside of the band, which had been painted as a rainbow. This made Matt’s head jerk up as he looked at Shiro in a mix of shock and confusion.

“My brother recommended it. His friends gave him a similar one for his birthday after he came out to them, except the interior and exterior were reversed since he didn’t care about whether or not strangers knew he wasn’t straight,” Shiro explained.

“Your brother?” Matt asked hesitantly. It was the first time Matt had spoken to Shiro since they fought Quinn, and his familiar voice made Shiro’s heart flush with warmth.

Shiro nodded. “Yeah. He kind of has a thing for his friend Lance, not that he’ll admit it. He was never good at pretending to be straight, but he never really needed to anyway.” Shiro’s face softened. “I know you needed to hide who you are before, but I want you to know there’s no problem with being gay, not in my mind. You’re my friend, Matt, and nothing will change that.”

Matt was silent for a moment, glancing at the floor. He didn’t look totally convinced. “Aren’t you worried I’ll like you?” he asked.

Shiro shook his head. “Just because a guy is gay doesn’t mean he’s attracted to every man on the planet,” he said. “I’m not some asshole guy who thinks he’s hot enough shit that everyone is attracted to him but thinks it’s gross when other guys like them. Besides,” Shiro paused. He grinned, then tapped one of his canines. It was flat on the tip instead of pointed. “In high school, my tooth got chipped when my boyfriend at the time slammed the breaks on his car because a squirrel ran out in front of us. I was talking, so when he hit the breaks my teeth slammed together and that one broke.”

Matt blinked like his brain had short-circuited, clearly confused with the new information.

“I’m pansexual, Matt,” Shiro said, filling in the blank with a slight smile on his face. “I like guys, too.” He raised his eyebrows at Matt. “If you’re going to think something’s wrong with you, then I guess something’s wrong with me, too.”

Matt looked down at the ring in his hands and shook his head vigorously, then his lips curled up and a huff of laughter escaped his lips. “Of course not,” he said. “I’m… sorry. I should’ve known you weren’t an asshole like Quinn.”

It was Shiro’s turn to shake his head. “Hey,” he said, leaning forward so he could rest his elbow on his knee and prop his chin on his palm. “I understand why you were worried. People treated you like shit for being gay, and I can’t blame you for being careful. Especially with how bad it’s gotten.”

Matt looked up, totally meeting Shiro’s gaze for the first time in three days. The two were finally able to see the damage that had been done to them, the bruises, cuts, and split lips.

Matt’s eyes went downcast as he looked at the bruises on Shiro. A black eye, cheeks a mottled purple, a dark shoe print on his temple, a thick band of bruising around his throat. More yellows and purples disappearing under his collar. Matt himself wasn’t any better off with the split in his lip, cut through his eyebrow, and purple splotches painted on his face and up and down his neck and arms.

“I’m sorry you got hurt because of me,” Matt mumbled. He rubbed at his bruised knuckles instead of looking back up at Shiro and his injuries.

Shiro didn’t have time to think as his body took control from his mind before it could come up with something else to say. The next thing he knew, he was leaning across the gap between them and had his arms wrapped around Matt’s smaller frame. He was gentle, careful to not disturb Matt’s injuries, but his hold was firm enough to make Matt relax after the tension from surprise seeped from his body.

“I’d do it again if I needed to,” Shiro admitted. “Whatever happens, don’t be afraid to call me. I’ll be there, whether we’re fighting assholes or dealing with some bullshit from the school.”

It took a moment for Matt to fully relax, then his arms found their way around Shiro’s back and his hands grabbed Shiro’s shirt in an iron grip. They stayed there, not moving, not leaving. They were comfortable, and despite their bruises neither felt unsafe. Even Shiro didn’t tense or pull away even though his metal arm and Matt were separated only by his shirt and jacket.

“What was his name?” Matt whispered. “Your boyfriend?”

“Adam.”

“Why’d you break up?”

“We got into a fight about our career plans after graduation.”

“Did you ever talk again?”

Shiro took a moment before he responded. “He died in a car accident before we could swallow our pride.”

“Oh,” Matt said. “Do you regret it?”

“Dating him? Never. Letting us part on bad terms? Every day.”

They silenced for a moment.

“What was it like?” Matt questioned.

Shiro sighed. “We weren’t super open about it since a lot of people around us didn’t approve, but it was perfect. We were happy.”

“Sounds nice.”

“It was.”

Neither spoke again, content without words. In their moment of peace, neither of the young men noticed Colleen Holt outside the door. She had meant to leave them alone, but she overheard them as she silently carried clean towels from the laundry room to the bathroom. Through the crack in the door she saw her son and his friend wrapped in each other’s arms, and all her worries disappeared. For the first time, there was someone she could entrust her son to with the knowledge that he would never be hurt by them.

-000-

Monday morning on the fourth of December, Matt and Shiro returned to their classes. Shiro found himself hesitating in front of his mirror as he brushed his teeth, wincing at the bruises that had yet to fade. The ones around his neck had lightened, though while it took a certain amount of focus to see them, they were still visible. His face didn’t look much better than it had when he got home after the fight, still purple and mottled. A dark ring remained stained around one of his eyes and the print on his temple was still vivid.

As someone who frequently brought uninvited attention to himself and intimidation to others, Shiro felt sick at the thought of others seeing the bruises that marred him. What if they thought he had gotten into a bad crowd, or some dirty business? Did he really want to solidify the beliefs of the people around him that didn’t so much as attempt to get to know who he really was? It wasn’t so much their opinions that bothered him, as he knew better than to let the opinions of strangers control him directly. Instead he was worried about the stares, the whispers, and the icy feeling of dread he felt nearly every waking moment of his day in public.

For a moment, Shiro contemplated skipping classes. His instructors had been informed about what happened, and he knew Sam was happy to help him catch up in his aviation course. He could easily miss a few more days while the bruises healed and disappeared. He couldn’t, though. He rarely missed classes, and anyone who paid enough attention to notice his existence would see that he’d already missed three days in a row. Missing more would only draw extra attention and more questions when he got back. Skipping would also be bothersome to Sam, who had worried over Shiro for days after the fight. The last thing Shiro wanted to do was make Sam worry that he had been hurt worse than initially thought.

Worst of all consequences was Matt, who already felt bad about Shiro’s injuries. Following the three-day period of silence, after Shiro went to the Holt household so they could talk, Matt had sent Shiro a number of texts apologizing for dragging him into the mess with Quinn, for getting him hurt, for making him miss class, for ignoring him, for worrying him, for every single thing he could think of. If Shiro stayed in his dorm, regardless of whether he told Matt the reason or not, Matt would be back to apologizing again. Shiro was done with Matt’s apologies. He didn’t want his friend to think worse of himself than he already did for something out of his control.

With a heavy sigh, Shiro gathered his things and left for class. He pulled his hood up as he made the cold, snowy trek across campus. The frigid wind bit his cheeks and nose even with his hood up and head down. Ideally, he would have worn his scarf, but it had been lost in the fight days ago.

Shiro entered his aviation class silently. He kept his eyes locked on his seat to avoid any stares his classmates may have been sending him as they took in his appearance. His hood was down, and he could feel the eyes of others burning his skin as they glanced and stared. It made him want to squirm, but he fought with every fiber of his being to stay still.

As more students entered the room and more of them took notice of Shiro’s poor condition, the tension in his body became unbearable. He was one twitch away from walking out of the room and not coming back until the following day when his saving grace appeared in the form of Sam Holt.

The older man smiled when he saw Shiro and beelined across the room to greet him.

“It’s nice to have you back,” Sam said, earning a nod from Shiro.

“It’s nice to be back. I was getting bored,” Shiro replied with a casual wave of his hand. Neither spoke of the incident from days before, instead discussing points from the previous days Shiro had missed. They found that Shiro was well-acquainted with the subject per usual and was knowledgeable enough to keep up with the rest of the class without any explanations.

During Sam’s interference, Shiro’s classmates looked away, allowing him to make it through class without anyone looking at him. A heavy sigh of relief escaped him before he realized he still had to go to English and his mechanics class that day and do it all over again. There, he had no one to casually converse with before the professors arrived and the class started. He started to lose hope that he’d make it through the day when a familiar face greeted him just outside the door of his aviation class.

“Hey,” Matt said, a smile on his face. His hair was not pulled back into a ponytail this time even though he’d taken a liking to the style. Instead his hair hung at his shoulders, and Shiro caught a glimpse of the bruises it was hiding when Matt’s head moved.

“Hey,” Shiro responded. His gaze dropped to a glint at Matt’s side where the ring Shiro had given him was settled on his right index finger. The silver outside of the band shone dully in the hallway lights.

Matt followed Shiro’s gaze to his finger, and he lifted his hand to tug the ring off. He flipped it over in his hand, looking at the way the silver turned to rainbow on the inside.

“Thanks, again. For the ring,” Matt said quietly. The smile on his face contained a sort of contentedness that Shiro hadn’t seen on him since they met.

“I’m glad you like it.”

“Yeah.”

The two silenced for a moment as Matt slid the ring back on, wincing when it passed over his bruised knuckles.

Shiro sighed. “Hey, uh,” he began. He felt Matt’s gaze land on his face, and he couldn’t help but let his own slide to the floor. “I didn’t really get the chance to say it before, but… I’m, uh, I’m sorry about what happened with Quinn,” Shiro stated awkwardly.

“Why?” Matt’s tone was pure confusion. Likely, his face was too, but Shiro couldn’t bring himself to look up.

“Well…” Shiro rubbed at his face. “I told you I’d help you and make sure Quinn didn’t hurt you, but…” He finally looked up, eyes dragging over the fading bruises on Matt’s skin. “I didn’t do a very good job of that.”

Matt paused for a moment, face unreadable as he looked at Shiro before shocking him by rolling his eyes so hard that his irises seemed to disappear completely for a moment. “Shiro.” His voice was a mix of exasperation and annoyance. “Literally the only reason Quinn didn’t kill me is because you were there helping me out. You taught me well, but I’m still not that good when it comes to fighting people. I could never have taken on Quinn and his crew by myself and gotten out alive. You were there, you saw me struggling during that fight, and you saved my ass more times than I can count even when it got you hurt!”

Shiro didn’t look convinced. “Still, you got hurt pretty bad even though I said I’d watch out for you-“

Matt grabbed Shiro’s shoulders and shook them with each word he spoke.

“Its. Not. Your. Fault.”

The two were close, enough so that Shiro could see how Matt had gotten taller yet again. The younger man was growing like a weed, the top of his head level with Shiro’s nose.

Matt seemed oblivious to their shrinking height difference, his gaze on Shiro’s black eye that had yet to fade. He narrowed his eyes at it, thinking, then slowly lowered his gaze as guilt leaked onto his face.

“If anyone needs to apologize,” Matt began, “it’s me. You’re my friend, not my body guard, but I dragged you into this. I got you hurt. Quinn never would have bothered you otherwise, but because of me…” His fingers rose to the dark bruise around Shiro’s eye, and he winced when Shiro flinched away from the contact. “If it’s still not healing, you should get that checked out.”

Shiro stepped back, one hand rising to lightly touch his eye as if that was what drove him back, and not how close Matt had gotten to touching the mess that was his right arm. “It’s fine,” he said. It was true that the med working as a student security guard had given him the okay to go straight back to his dorm after the fight, but it wasn’t like he’d kept her updated on his injuries and how his eye seemed to be healing far slower than any injury of his ever had before. Then again, it had been years since the last time he was so bruised.

Matt looked troubled, but he didn’t fight. “Just keep an eye on it, please.”

Shiro deadpanned. “My eye is on it.” He pointed at the bruised eye itself.

Matt simply stared, then dropped his head heavily into one of his hands with an exhausted expression. “If you didn’t look like you go hit by a train already, I’d shove you out the window,” he groaned.

Shiro let out an amused huff.

Matt scrubbed at his face. “Anyway, remember none of this is your fault. You did more than you needed to do for me already.”

Shiro didn’t nod, simply standing where he was until Matt shook his head and turned.

“You’ve got another class, right? Come on, I’ll walk with you.”

-000-

With Shiro leading the way, the two began their trek to Shiro’s English class. Neither spoke at first, not wanting to continue their last conversation. Quinn was done for. He was in the past. They needed to stop dwelling on him and what happened.

“Uh.”

It was Matt who broke the silence. His eyes were on the ground, his shoulders hunched. He rubbed at the back of his neck and chewed his lip as inner turmoil rumbled in his veins before he finally spoke.

“Um, I was just, uh, wondering… Your old, uh, boyfriend, uh, Adam? How did you guys, uh, meet?”

Matt stumbled over his words as the tips of his ears turned red. The question felt invasive to him, and he worried Shiro might find it too personal.

“Hm.” Shiro looked over at Matt, noticing his red ears and stiff shoulders. He frowned but said nothing about it. “It was in middle school, I think. We lived on the same road, so we ran into each other at the bus stop every day.”

“Oh, uh, when did you guys, uh-“ Matt paused.

“Start going out?” Shiro finished for him, getting a nod from Matt. “The summer between our first and second year of high school.”

Matt frowned, curiosity in his eyes like he wanted to know more, but he hesitated.

“I’m not going to get mad and strangle you to death just because you asked a question about my ex,” Shiro said.

“Yeah, sorry, I just… I’ve never met another guy who, you know, uh, went out with a, uh, another guy, but I don’t want to, eh, invade on anything.” Matt could barely speak.

Shiro surprised himself when he reached out and set a reassuring hand on Matt’s back. “I don’t mind talking about it. If you ask a question I don’t want to answer, I just won’t,” he offered.

Matt stiffened when Shiro’s hand touched his back, then he slowly relaxed. He still didn’t look over at Shiro, but he resumed speaking with less hesitation and stumbling.

“How long were you, uh, together?”

“Three years. We had our fight just after graduation.”

“Did anyone know about you?”

“Our parents, my brother. No one at school really knew. A lot of the people I hung out with weren’t super homophobic, but they definitely didn’t want to hang around a guy who likes other guys.”

“So, you had to hide it?”

“Kind of? It wasn’t like we wouldn’t talk to each other at school or anything. It was more like people just thought we were close friends.”

“Was there anyone who knew and was bothered by it?”

Shiro shrugged. “Our parents were okay with it, and it’s not like Keith was going to be bothered by it.” He paused, then sighed. “Actually, there was an old couple on our road who saw us together and always yelled at us. One time, Keith heard them screaming about how we were going to hell, so he snuck outside with a screwdriver one night and disassembled part of the fence around their garden so animals could get inside and eat it,” he explained. “They blamed Adam and I, but we knew we didn’t do anything, and they couldn’t prove it. I found the screwdriver in Keith’s room, but I never said anything to anyone.”

Matt snorted. “You brother seems to like getting into trouble with screwdrivers.”

Shiro nodded.

Matt looked like his curiosity was far from gone, but they had reached Shiro’s next class.

“I’ll text you later,” Shiro promised, slipping his phone from his pocket to check the time. He had three minutes.

Matt nodded. “Thanks for uh, telling me about you and Adam.” He gave Shiro a wave, then jogged off.

Shiro watched Matt go, then headed into his class. He took his seat, the contentedness in his expression draining away as his thoughts remained on Adam. He missed him. No matter how much time passed, Shiro didn’t stop regretting the fight, and leaving Adam on such a sour note just before his death. That was probably his greatest regret, besides that day he had led his team to their deaths while in the military. After all, Adam had been right. The military was dangerous. Shiro had felt the worst it could give. Adam had told him what would happen, and he didn’t listen. Then the world decided to teach Shiro a lesson he’d never forget - not just once, but twice.

Shiro was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the stares from his classmates as their gazes raked over his bruises and their whispered flitted through the air.

Chapter Text

As the semester drew to a close, exams neared. The issue with Quinn was out of the way, but Matt and Shiro each had finals to study for, and they found themselves without much time to meet. They'd text when they could, though their exchanges were few and far between. Following the fight against Quinn, they met up in person only three times before finals when they took breaks from studying.

Unfortunately, their meetings were somewhat awkward. Matt had stopped asking about Adam when he noticed Shiro getting progressively quieter whenever they spoke about him, and there were no recent movies to use as filler in conversation. They'd talk about their classes sometimes, though Matt wasn't familiar with the "pilot jargon" Shiro had the tendency to go on about, and Matt may as well have been speaking a foreign language to Shiro when he complained about calculus.

It wasn't until their final day of classes that they met up for more than a quick meal at a restaurant or in the cafeteria. Shiro had finished his exams Wednesday and waited outside Matt's calculus classroom Thursday afternoon to meet up with him before they left for the winter break.

"That was brutal," Matt groaned as he exited his classroom. "Like, the material isn't hard to understand, but there were ten problems with, like, fifty parts each." He scowled. "I'm suing them for child abuse."

"You're twenty," Shiro remind. "Definitely an adult at this point."

"Then I'll sue them for adult abuse," Matt countered.

Shiro raised his eyebrows, then chuckled lightly. "If that was possible, I would have sued over the class I had at six in the morning last year."

Matt's jaw dropped. "You had what now?!"

"I needed another math credit, but I'd already done up to trig and didn't think I'd be able to pass calculus. They ended up having a class about financial work that would cover my credit, but the only one was offered at six," Shiro explained.

Matt deadpanned. "You should sue for free tuition."

"I already have free tuition through my scholarship."

"Then sue them for a new car that isn't half your size."

"It's not that small."

"When you're standing next to it, it kind of is."

"I mean, it runs."

"Yeah, but who doesn't want to drive a Mercedes?"

"Do you have any idea how expensive the insurance on those is?"

"Sue for insurance money too."

"That wouldn't work."

"I mean if you get hit by a campus bus, you get free tuition, but since you already have free tuition, you could just sue for some extra money."

"Where did the bus come from? And why are you so fixated on filing a lawsuit?"

Matt sighed. "Calculus, Shiro. Calculus."

Shiro shook his head. "Anyway, is your dad coming to pick you up, or do you want to go back to my dorm and distract Eurus for me while I pack up my stuff?"

Matt froze, glanced at Shiro with wide eyes, then darted for the door. "I want to see my little girl!"

"No, you can't have her!" Shiro called after Matt as he jogged to catch up to him.

-000-

When the pair arrived at Shiro's dorm, Matt instantly scooped Eurus off the floor and spun in excited circles with her.

"If she pukes, you're cleaning it up," Shiro threatened as he nudged the snowy boots Matt had left haphazardly at the door into a neat pair with his own.

Matt gave no response, dropping to the floor so Eurus could stand on his chest. He yelped when she pawed at his glasses.

Shiro passed the two with a smile on his way to his room, then started his work. He pulled his backpack—which had already been cleaned out after exams—from his closet and dragged out each drawer of his dresser, folding every article of clothing carefully to ensure it would all fit in the bag. He then went through the closet and pulled out the few items hanging within.

"No! Give them back!"

Shiro turned toward the doorway to the main area of his dorm when he heard Matt howl, only to see Eurus trot into the bedroom with the younger man's glasses dangling from her mouth.

"Eurus, no," Shiro scolded, reaching down to pull the glasses away. He held them carefully so he wouldn't smudge the lenses, then gave Eurus a scratch under her chin as a peace offering when she glared at him. "You have a dozen mouse toys laying around, and these aren't one of them."

Movement in the doorway caught Shiro's attention, and he looked up to see Matt watching him. The IT student's hair was falling out of his ponytail from him squirming on the floor while playing with Eurus, and his shirt was disheveled. He had a grin on his face as he looked to Eurus, who approached him and wound around his legs with an innocent 'meow'.

"I know what you are, traitor," Matt said as he bent down to pet Eurus, his voice light and teasing like he was talking to a baby.

"Watch your hoodie strings. She'll eat them," Shiro warned just as Eurus rose up on her hind legs to seize one.

"Nooo! Don't chew on them!" Matt tried to pull the string away, put Eurus had already dug her teeth into it and didn't plan on letting go.

Shiro swooped in to save the day, picking Eurus up and pulling her away so she'd drop the string. "Why are you like this?" he asked as he held her up in the air with a disappointed expression. "You're cute until you start attacking things.

"She's always cute," Matt countered.

Shiro held Eurus out toward Matt so she could claim the strings of his hoodie once again, causing Matt to shout and jump backwards. Shiro followed, chasing him with Eurus, who was swiping at the air in search of the strings on Matt's hoodie. "Still cute?" Shiro asked.

"This is a hate crime!" Matt whined, grabbing his hoodie strings tightly in his fists so Eurus couldn't grab them. His face was flushed and split by a grin as he slowed. When Shiro stopped giving chase, Eurus pawed at Matt's hand as if she knew what he was hiding within them. The sight made giggles bubble up from Matt's throat, and he moved his strings to one hand so he could reach out and pet Eurus with the other.

Shiro paused, swallowing thickly. There was something about the way Matt smiled that never failed to make him feel warm. He hadn't noticed it recently, as he'd been too wrapped up in dealing with Quinn, though the reprieve gave him a chance to pick up on what he'd once been oblivious to. He finally saw the way Matt's frowns and grins tugged at the scar on his cheek and made it curl with his changing mood. He noticed how Matt's hair had grown even longer, and less of the light, fine strands tended to escape his ponytail.

"Shiro?"

Shiro blinked, his eyes shifting to meet Matt's. "Hm?"

Matt shook his head. "Nothing. You just looked like you spaced out for a minute. If you're worn out from exams and want to sleep or something, I can call my dad to come get me."

"No, no, it's fine," Shiro assured. "I just, uh, noticed that your hair is even longer than I remembered." Internally, Shiro groaned at his awkward cover.

Matt reached behind his head and ran his hand over the ponytail. "Yeah. I didn't plan on growing it out much and was thinking about cutting it, but I'm not sure. I've always had short hair, so something different is nice, I guess."

"I like it," Shiro blurted. He internally smacked himself once he registered his own words.

"Oh. Thanks." Another small smile crept onto Matt's face as he ran his hand over his ponytail again. He looked up at Shiro, nodding toward his head. "By the way, I was wondering… Do you cut your own hair? It never seems to overgrow at all, but it would probably be expensive to go to a hairdresser all the time to keep up with it."

Shiro shrugged, subconsciously scrubbing at his buzz cut before dragging his fingers through the white tuft of bangs on his forehead. "I usually try to keep up with it myself. I've had my hair like this for a while, so even trimming the back is pretty easy. I go to the hairdresser once in a while, though. Usually I do it between semesters when I'm home since my brother never gets his hair trimmed unless I make him do it. It's easiest to just have both of us go in at the same time."

Matt nodded, then sighed and dropped to sit on the floor. He reached behind his head, pulled off his hair tie, then shook out his hair. It had barely brushed his shoulders not too long ago, and now it was beginning to creep toward his back.

Shiro watched in silence as Matt ran his fingers through the tangles in his hair before swiping it all back and away from his face.

"So, what plans do you have for winter break?" Matt asked. He hugged his knees to his chest and rested his chin on his forearms as he looked up at Shiro expectantly.

"Hm. Nothing really," Shiro answered honestly, his eyes darting to the wall as if it would erase his earlier blatant staring. "I'll probably just see what my brother's been up to and see how his friends are doing. I need to buy flowers for Mrs. McClain on my way back, too, to thank her again for looking out for Keith while I'm here."

"If you aren't too busy," Matt began, "we should try to hang out. I know you live kinda far from here, right? I'm sure my parents wouldn't mind driving over to where you're at a few times as long as the road aren't bad, though."

Shiro raised his eyebrows. "I live about two hours from here," he warned.

Matt shrugged. "It's not that far. Before my dad retired, there was one time his flight home got redirected to an airport two states away at the last minute. We had to drive eight hours to go pick him up. It wasn't too bad, though. All I need is my DS and a Pokemon game."

"The Gameboy was better," Shiro countered.

"The graphics in Gameboy are shit."

"You kids these days just can't appreciate quality gaming."

"Alright, grandpa, do you want some beet and cranberry juice to drink while you play with your chalk and slate?"

"Add four shots of espresso and you have yourself a deal."

Matt stuck out his tongue in response, causing Shiro to laugh.

A sudden chime made Matt jump, then he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. "Just a second," he told Shiro before answering. "Hello?"

Shiro stood in silence as Matt talked to Sam, who was on the other end. Eurus began to squirm in his hands, so he set her down on the floor carefully to avoid making noise before returning to his backpack and taking stock of what he'd already packed. He had little left to take care of, but pretending to be occupied felt far less awkward than simply standing and waiting for Matt to finish talking on the phone.

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute. Yeah. Bye."

Matt slid his phone back into his pocket and jumped to his feet with a sigh.

"You gotta go?" Shiro asked, turning away from his backpack.

"Yep," Matt confirmed, shoving his hands into his pockets. He glanced at Shiro's bag. "Do you need help moving anything into your car before I go? My dad won't mind if I'm a few minutes late getting to the IT building."

Shiro shook his head. "Nah. The only stuff that's actually mine I can get out of here myself. Besides, I always get put in the same dorm every semester, so if I leave something behind it'll either be here when I come back or the janitors might pick it up and put it in lost and found."

"Okay," Matt said with a nod. He reached up, stretching his arms over his head. "Text me later, and we'll come up with something to do during breaks." He started for the door with Shiro on his heels but paused as he was tugging his boots back onto his feet. "Also, you better send me pictures of Eurus during the break. If I don't get to see her, I'm gonna get withdrawal." He fixed Shiro with a serious stare, and for a moment, it seemed possible that he wasn't kidding.

"How else are you going to get over your cat addiction?" Shiro asked. "Oh, also, glasses." He held out Matt's glasses, which he'd forgotten to return once he took them from Eurus

Matt accepted his glasses and slid them back onto his face as he prepared to leave. He wiggled his feet in his boots and pulled up his hood to cover his head, then glared at the door. "If it starts snowing harder during my walk, I'm suing God."

"I don't think you can sue God," Shiro said as he leaned against the wall next to the door with his arms crossed.

Matt raised his eyebrows. "I watch anime, Shiro."

"What does anime have to do with suing God?"

"The nakama power-up makes anything possible."

"The what-"

"Text me later!" Matt shouted as he yanked the door open and darted outside.

Shiro caught the door before it could swing shut, edging forward to watch Matt nearly trip while running down the stairs. The younger man broke into a sprint when he reached the sidewalk, yelling in protest as snowflakes gripped his clothes and the cold air cut through his hoodie. An amused snort escaped Shiro, who pushed the door shut and returned to his room.

After gathering what he believed was the rest of his things, Shiro took a final lap around the dorm. He'd packed everything from the spare room into his duffel bag earlier, and he'd cleaned and emptied the bathroom. The kitchen cabinets and refrigerator were free of food, and the bedroom closet had been checked twice. Shiro pulled out all the drawers on the dresser a final time, then double checked the nightstand. There was nothing of his remaining in the dorm except for Eurus, who had already crawled halfway into his backpack. Shiro stepped in and opened the bag further so Eurus could climb in before he zipped it closed.

"I'll let you out when we're on the road," he promised, sliding the straps over his shoulders. He went to the spare room to pick up his duffel bag, then with his phone in one hand and his keys in the other, he slipped on his shoes and opened the door.

Following a brief visit to the dorm office to drop off his key, Shiro drove his car onto the main road. As promised, at the first red light, he reached over to his backpack and pulled it open so Eurus could crawl out. He set the bag on the floor just before the light changed so Eurus could settle into the passenger seat for a nap during the ride.

"Alright, Eurus. You ready to go home?"

-000-

Two hours, twenty minutes, and a stop at a fancy grocery store for a nice flower bouquet later, Shiro arrived home. Oddly, the door was locked, and all the lights were off. The sight made Shiro uneasy. It was getting late, and school had gotten out hours ago. Also, as far as Shiro knew, Keith wasn't supposed to be at work that night. It was far too early for the teen to have gone to bed, but he didn't appear to be home.

With his bags on his shoulders, bouquet and keys in one hand, and Eurus in the other, Shiro made his way into the house. He went straight for his bedroom, navigating with ease through the dark rooms until he reached his door.

As expected, Shiro's room had a layer of dust on it. He'd been gone for months, and Keith was too busy with work and school for Shiro to ask him to clean it along with the rest of the house. Shiro grimaced when he dropped his bags on his bed only for little bits of dust and fur to fly back up at him. He instantly went for his window and yanked it open to air out the room while he unpacked.

Before he started moving his things, however, Shiro wandered through the house in search of Keith. The teen's room was empty, as was the bathroom, though Shiro eventually found a note on the kitchen counter scribbled in his brother's messy print.

'Went to Lances to finish a project. Will be home after school tomorrow.'

Why Keith hadn't simply texted him, Shiro wasn't sure, until he saw Keith's phone just a few feet from the note. It was plugged into the wall with a green light indicating that is was fully charged. Shiro thought it was likely Keith had forgotten to charge his phone the night before and woke to find it dead when he left in the morning, as his brother was often forgetful during late nights.

Shiro unplugged Keith's phone and charger, then took them to his brother's room. He then returned to the kitchen and washed the few dishes that sat in the sink.

Following a quick inspection of anything in the house that might need cleaning, Shiro returned to his room and began unpacking. Nearly all of his clothes went straight into the washer. Eurus's things were returned to their spot near the front door, and Shiro's duffel bag of dumbbells and other small pieces of equipment was emptied into his room.

By the time Shiro finished his unpacking and laundry, it was completely dark out. He flopped down on his bed, exhausted, and sighed when Eurus immediately jumped onto his chest. He'd just dusted and vacuumed his room while waiting for his clothes to finish, though Eurus was already intent on dirtying it again.

"Do you mind?" Shiro groaned, scratching her chin. He received only a contented purr in response.

In Shiro's pocket, his phone vibrated. He dug around awkwardly for it then squinted at the screen when the brightness suddenly blinded him. After scrambling to turn down the brightness, he found a few texts from Matt in his notifications.

Matt: Did you get home safe?

Matt: If ur dead I'm taking Eurus

Matt: Im jk are you home yet

Shiro: Yeah. I got back about an hour and a half ago.

Shiro: I had to put all my stuff away and clean

Matt: Did your brother not clean up after himself

Shiro: No, he did. My room is just dusty since I've been away for a while

Shiro: I had to wash all my clothes too. Laundry takes a while

Matt: Tru

Matt: Is there anything you want to meet up and do soon

Matt: Im down for anything

Shiro: I'm not really sure yet. Honestly, I just need a nap or something

Matt: You sound like a grandpa

Shiro: Respect your elders, whippersnapper

Matt: K gramps do you want some prunes with that

Shiro: I'd rather die

Matt: Same

Matt: If ur tired then you can just text me in the morning or smth

Matt: I wont keep you awake lol im not that mean

As much a Shiro wanted to continue talking to Matt, his eyelids had grown so heavy that he could barely keep them open. Even his fingers struggled to keep a decent grasp on his phone, which threatened to slide from his grip like a slimy eel.

Shiro: Sure. I'll talk to you later

Matt: Don't forget or ill show up outside ur window at 3am

Shiro: Please don't

Shiro: If Keith thinks you're an intruder, you'll probably get stabbed

Shiro: I don't think you actually know exactly where I live anyway

Matt: Give me 2 min on google and I will

Shiro: Again, please don't

Matt: lmao gn Shiro

Shiro: See you later

Shiro shut off his phone and rolled on his side to plug it in on the nightstand despite protests from Eurus, who fell of his chest. The screen lit up again once the charger was connected, illuminating a framed photo in the darkness that made Shiro freeze.

Shiro's hair was darker in the photo. His bangs were black instead of white, and no scar stretched over the bridge of his nose. He had a wide smile and eyes filled with light staring into the camera. A foreign arm was wrapped around the back of his waist while his own arm sat comfortably around the waist of another. Dark skin, thick hair, and a lean body a few inches taller than Shiro stood beside him. Shiro and Adam were still young in the picture, about sixteen, and sophomores in high school. They wore cheap suits bought for the homecoming dance that ran wild in the background. The pair was happy, attending a dance together as a couple for the first time.

That night years ago had been special to Shiro. For him, it had once marked the beginning of what he thought would be his life with Adam at his side as something more than a friend. Even when they fought and broke up, Shiro kept the picture in a frame on his nightstand. Something in his head told him not to throw it away no matter how upset he was. Then Adam died, and Shiro stared at that picture every night in tears. He and Adam had few pictures together, having been together when smartphones with front-facing cameras weren't quite as popular and homophobia made being open about their relationship a dangerous feat. There was little physical evidence of their relationship remaining—only few photos existed to look back on—and there wasn't a day that went by when Shiro was beyond relieved that he hadn't thrown that picture away.

In the present day, as Shiro stared at the photo, his heart ached. He missed Adam. He missed his crew. He missed all the people he had failed and lost in the past no matter how hard he tried to keep them safe. The memories that surfaced turned his gut to ice and made his chest throb with his pained heart. If there was one thing he preferred about the dorm over his own home, it was that the dorm didn't have these little mementos that made him remember what he often so desperately wanted to forget.

Shiro rolled onto his other side sharply so he couldn't see the picture as his eyes began to burn. He was exhausted already, and the hurt bubbling up from within him only fed his weariness. He wished he could move on, that he could get passed all that had happened, but he knew he never truly would. He could get better, but he could never go back to the person he was before everything went to hell. That carefree teen was broken after a fatal car crash, and he died in an enemy prison cell.

With nothing else to do and no other way to escape his thoughts, Shiro surrendered to the oblivion of sleep.

Chapter Text

In the afternoon, a teenage boy with long, dark hair pulled back in a ponytail at the nape of his neck pushed open the front door. He entered, closed the door behind himself, and slipped off his heavy black boots.

"Shiro?" the boy called, wandering deeper into the house. He heard the sound of running water and followed it to the kitchen, where a tall man stood hunched over sink while scrubbing dishes.

Shiro turned and looked over his shoulder, then his face split into a small smile. "Hey, Keith." Shiro shut off the kitchen faucet and grabbed the dish towel slung over his shoulder to dry his hands. He turned to face Keith with raised eyebrows. "Did you guys finish your project last night?"

Keith scowled. "You do realize I'm stuck with Lance, who doesn't do anything until the last possible minute."

"What were you doing then?"

"Trying to work while Lance wouldn't shut up about the Mario Kart match he won against Hunk."

"So, no expressing your undying love for each other?"

Keith went red. "As if!" he sputtered, crossing his arms and looking at anything but the smug look on Shiro's face.

Shiro laughed, shaking his head as he returned his dish towel to its place beside the sink. "One day you'll finally admit to it," he said, fixing Keith with a stern look. "Just make sure you don't wait until it's too late."

Keith stiffened, cautiously raising his gaze to Shiro's face. He saw that the humor was gone from it. There was no upturn of his lips or sparkle in his eyes. It was one of those moments when Shiro was suddenly deadly serious, a time when he was lost in his past pain.

Neither spoke, unsure of what to say. It was Keith who moved first. "Uh, are those flowers for Mrs. McClain?" he asked, gesturing toward the bouquet of flowers Shiro had bought the day prior. The flowers sat in a large jar of water on the counter, pushed against the wall to stay safe from Eurus's swipes.

Shiro didn't speak, only nodding in confirmation.

"I'll take those over to her. I need to get Lance to finish his part of our project anyway," Keith mumbled. His words weren't a lie, though he wasn't that pressed for time. Instead, he was desperate to escape the crushing atmosphere in the kitchen. As much as he missed his brother and was glad that Shiro was home, it was clear that Shiro was currently walking a tightrope. Whatever had happened to him recently, Keith didn't know, but it wasn't good. As far as he knew, during this last semester, Shiro had been the best he'd ever been since his pre-military days. He'd made a new friend he was close to and always seemed more upbeat than usual when Keith called or texted. What had happened that changed that?

"You can take the car," Shiro called after Keith, who had taken the bouquet and was already headed for the door.

"I'll just take my bike. It's easier to fit in Lance's driveway with all their cars." Once again, Keith's words weren't a lie. Lance had a large family with five cars. However, his home was in a bare field and had plenty of room to park and turn around in any size vehicle. Keith's true reasoning was something he would never dare speak aloud. Shiro liked to drive his motorcycle when he was down, though he had the tendency to get reckless. It would be safer for him to have the car available if he needed to go out since he then wouldn't be bothered to uncover and clean up his motorcycle to take it instead. That way, Keith wouldn't be holding his breath every time his phone went off out of fear that something went wrong.

Slipping the bouquet carefully into his backpack, Keith started his motorcycle, listening to the engine roar to life before starting on his way to Lance's while unease simmered in the back of his mind.

-000-

As promised, Shiro and Matt eventually worked out a time to meet up during the break between semesters. On Christmas Eve, Shiro drove up to the city that housed their college to meet Matt for the Christmas tree lighting in the middle of town.

"Why doesn't anyone seriously consider Christmas in July?" Matt muttered as he drew up the scarf around his neck to cover the bottom half of his face.

"Would you rather be crammed into an intersection with thousands of sweaty people under the boiling sun, or when there's a little snow on the ground?" Shiro asked, his voice light and teasing. He chuckled when Matt glared at him, his eyes squinted in mock annoyance while the rest of his face remained hidden beneath his scarf.

"Mmphhfm."

"Whatever you say, Kenny."

Matt pulled his scarf down to speak. "Must be nice to have insulation."

Shiro raised his eyebrows and glanced down at Matt's winter coat, boots, gloves, and scarf before looking at his own hoodie and leather gloves. "Me?"

"I'm a spaghetti noodle, Mr. Muscles."

"You aren't that skinny."

Matt gasped. "Are you calling me fat?!"

Shiro snorted. "After you started your self-defense training, you got a lot stronger." He poked Matt's bicep. "I'm not the only one with muscles here."

"I don't careit'stoodamncold," Matt hissed, shoving his hands into his pockets and turning his face away from the chilly wind gusts that sliced through the crowd.

Shaking his head, Shiro sidestepped around Matt in the thick crowd and stood with his back to the wind while facing Matt. "Better?" he asked.

"…Yes." There was a slight tinge of red on Matt's face as he drew up his scarf once again, his cheeks bitten by the cold.

More observers arrived to watch the tree lighting, packing the crowd tighter than Shiro was able to tolerate. With every movement someone bumped his arm, causing him to hold his breath as he hoped they wouldn't notice the metal beneath.

A person beside Matt tried moving aside to make space for someone pushing toward them through the crowd and shoved Matt into Shiro. There wasn't much falling, since everyone was already packed close, though the pair ended up without an inch between them. Matt's shoulder dug into the side of Shiro's ribcage as the stood almost perpendicular to each other, Shiro still blocking the wind.

Shiro stiffened when Matt's shoulder bumped his arm as the crowd continued pushing and squirming. The IT student didn't seem to take notice of anything strange, though there was a frown on his face as he eyed the crowd.

"This was a horrible idea," Matt said, looking to Shiro in exasperation. "Why didn't you stop me when I recommended this?"

Shiro shrugged. "You said you haven't been to the annual tree lighting in years and you really wanted to go. Was I supposed to say no?" In truth, Shiro had contemplated recommending something else. He knew the tree lighting was loud and crowded, two types of environments he didn't mix with, though ultimately his brain's pleads lost to Matt's enthusiasm.

"I swear it wasn't this crowded last time I came here."

"When was that?"

"…When I was five."

"I think it's safe to say the city has grown a bit in fifteen years."

Matt huffed. "This is homophobia."

"How so?" Shiro asked, frowning.

"I'm gay and this is inconveniencing me."

"That's not how that works."

"It is now."

Shiro and Matt silenced when some walked onto the small platform that had been erected in front of the massive pine tree placed in the middle of the intersection.

"Hello, everyone!" the woman greeted, a grin on her face as she waved in greeting. The crowd responded with a roar of cheers that made Shiro's heart skip a beat. There was no way in hell he was doing this again, that is, if he even survived this time.

The woman went on to give a speech that Shiro didn't find at all interesting, though he was thankful for the way it quieted the crowd to a tolerable volume. When the speech ended and the crowd erupted once again, he found himself nearly wishing that the woman would keep talking and bring back the quiet atmosphere.

The crowd began a countdown as a second woman mounted the stage and threw her hands up to start counting down on her fingers with exaggerated motions. Meanwhile, the first woman was handed two ends of plugs which she held as the crowd shouted out each number.

When the crowd screamed "zero!" the woman plugged the two cords together and made the tree come to life. Red, orange, blue, and green lit up in a spiral from base to peak where a massive golden star the size of Shiro's torso sat atop the tree.

Shiro's gaze slid from the tree to his side when something bumped his chest. His eyes moved from Matt's shoulder up to his face, then Shiro froze.

Matt stared at the tree with wonderment in his eyes. He looked like the little kids sat upon their parents' shoulders as their gazes climbed up the tree and sank back down again and again. The streetlight above them illuminated his light hair, which was dusted in sparkling white snowflakes that had begun to fall gently from the sky as they waited. His eyes were wide and warm, no longer shielded by his glasses after he started favoring contact lenses during the winter break. The scar on his cheek was warped the slightest bit by the small upturn of Matt's lips, which were parted in awe. Shiro didn't know why, but he couldn't look away.

What happened after the tree lit up was a daze to the pair. The screaming crowd crushed them as people raised phones to take pictures, and they took the momentary distraction as a chance to worm their way to the sidewalk and into a nearby coffee shop.

Matt and Shiro settled down on a plush vermilion couch in front of a fireplace toward the back of the shop. The building was nearly empty, everyone still outside trying to glimpse the tree. Only a few tables were occupied.

Matt sighed heavily as he collapsed lazily onto the couch. "It's so waaaaarm," he groaned, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. His eyes slid closed. "Alright, fun's over. I need a nap."

"You sound like an old man."

"Shut up, Gramps."

"Hey, respect your elders, youngin'."

"I do what I want."

"Until the manager kicks you out for sleeping in the shop when you didn't even order anything."

"Laterrrrrrr."

Shiro smiled, shaking his head as he rose from the couch and wandered to the counter. He returned with two cups and held one out in front of Matt's face.

Matt cracked open an eye and peered at the cup in suspicion. "I smell an unhealthy drink."

"Hot chocolate," Shiro supplied.

"Ooh." Matt bolted upright and accepted the cup. "How much do I owe you?" he asked, jamming his hand into his pocket in search of his wallet.

"Don't worry about it," Shiro said with a wave, causing Matt to frown.

"How much."

"Not telling.

"Then I'll give you a ten."

"I won't take it."

"I'll stick it down your shirt."

"Good luck with that."

"Shiro, come ooon. How much?"

"I said don't worry about it."

"…"

"It's fine."

"…Next time we go somewhere, I'm paying."

"We'll see."

Matt narrowed his eyes in mock anger as he drank his hot chocolate.

Slowly, the pair began to warm up as the heat from the hot chocolate and the coffee shop seeped into their bones. They would have felt relaxed if not for the way the shop was starting to fill as the crowds outside started to disperse and wander inside for a hot drink.

"Is that couch taken?"

Shiro and Matt looked up to see two young women standing next to the couch beside theirs. One was tall and skinny with long, bright pink hair tied back in a ponytail that flowed behind her as she held two cups of coffee in her hands. She leaned against the other woman, who towered over her with muscles that rivaled Shiro's. The second woman's hair was short and dark purple, hanging above equally dark eyes as she gestured to the empty couch with a thumb.

"Nah. Go ahead," Matt said with a casual wave, taking another swig of hot chocolate.

The two women settled onto the couch, the pink-haired one passing one of the coffee cups to the purple-haired one. They talked to each other quietly, smiling as they huddled together.

"So," Matt began, looking at Shiro. "When do you want to meet up next?"

Shiro looked up as he contemplated, sipping at his hot chocolate mindlessly. He was lost in thought his right hand suddenly twitched. It was something that happened sometimes when he went from somewhere cold to somewhere far warmer quickly. His skin and the metal embedded in it warmed at different rates, agitating his nerves and sometimes causing slight twitches. It was a rather rare occurrence that usually went unnoticed, but this time, he spilled some of his drink as his hand jerked it from his lips.

Shiro's hand flew to his face as he tried to discreetly wipe away the hot chocolate dribbling down his chin with his sleeve, but Matt had already taken notice. A grin split the younger man's face as he looked at Shiro with knowing eyes, causing heat to flush Shiro's face.

"..think we'll get deployed?"

Matt's head snapped to the side as his eyes found the women on the couch next to his and Shiro's. They were curled together causally, and as their conversation continued, Matt recognized the topic.

"Are you two joining the military?"

The women silenced, their gazes flying to Matt. They looked at him with raised eyebrows that made him scratch the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Sorry," Matt said. "My dad is a veteran and works part-time as an Air Force recruiter, so I tend to notice when people are talking about joining. Which branch do you plan to go into?"

"Marines," the pink-haired woman supplied. She leaned into the purple-haired woman's side, looking up at her with a gentle smile. "Zethrid didn't like it when I told her I was planning to enlist since it's dangerous work, but eventually she decided she'd join, too, so we can keep an eye on each other."

The purple-haired woman, Zethrid, nodded. "Ezor is strong, but I still don't plan on letting her get into anything dangerous without me."

"Ah. Good luck to both of you. I hope everything works out." Matt gave the pair a smile, then looked away to give their privacy back. He looked to Shiro instead, then froze.

Shiro couldn't stop the tension that had seized his body when Zethrid and Ezor started talking about their disagreement. The conversation was all too familiar to him, though he'd had a different outcome. Adam had never been happy about Shiro's plan to join the Air Force. Both were interested in flight, so Shiro had suggested Adam join with him so they could stay together and protect each other. He expected it to ease Adam's worry, which revolved mostly around his fear that Shiro wouldn't come home and distaste over the idea of being separated for so long. Instead, the argument had continued. Adam never backed down from his stance that the military was dangerous, and Shiro wasn't quick to give up his dreams. They were both too stubborn to understand the other, and in the end, they parted on bad terms. Adam died before they could make up after that last major fight, and in the end, he had been right. Shiro joined the Air Force. He was captured. He spent months in hell. He lost everything, and he has no one to come back to at the end of it besides Keith, who Shiro refused to burden with his newfound problems.

"Shiro?"

Shiro blinked, then looked over at Matt. He said nothing, not trusting his voice. Matt stared, a strange look on his face as he took another drink of his hot chocolate. He looked like he was prepared to speak, but in the end, he never did.

The silence between Matt and Shiro stretched on, leaving nothing to block out the rising volume of the coffee shop around them. It made Shiro anxious, and he started to fidget with his cup until he couldn't handle it anymore.

When he felt that he was a moment away from ripping off his own skin from the discomfort of the room, Shiro suddenly stood. He downed the rest of his hot chocolate in one go, then looked down at Matt. "It's starting to get packed. Did you want to head out?"

Matt said nothing but stood and followed Shiro out of the building. They walked the streets in silence until they reached Shiro's car, got in without a word, and drove off.

Neither of the two students spoke as Shiro drove them to Matt's house, and they parted with awkward waves and empty smiles. Matt failed to hide the confusion and worry on his face as he looked back at Shiro as he got out of the car and entered his house.

Shiro spent his entire drive home tapping his fingers on the steering wheel of his car. His agitation refused to fade, and all he could think of was the two women at the coffee shop. He was happy for them and their ability to overcome what divided them, though he couldn't keep down his own jealously. Why did he have to suffer? Why didn't his situation go that way too? He thought too much about what could have been, feeding his own impatience. It took everything he had to be conscious of his strength when he arrived home in the middle of the night, closing doors carefully so he would absentmindedly slam them and wake Keith. Shiro made a beeline for his room after getting inside, but he paused as he passed the kitchen.

At eight in the morning when Keith woke, he wandered sleepily out of his room to find Shiro asleep on the couch. A half-empty bottle of cheap whiskey sat on the coffee table. Keith was glad Shiro was asleep so he couldn't see the pained look on his younger brother's face as Keith hid the bottle in the back of a cupboard and threw a blanket over Shiro's still form.

Chapter Text

Christmas day passed in a whirlwind at the Holt household. Extended family members arrived at Matt's house one after another, each one smiling and wrapped in heavy coats and scarves to fend off the frigid outside air. The house was full of infectious cheer that none could avoid as holiday songs hummed under the sounds of voices and laughter.

The youngest members of the Holt family unwrapped gifts as their older family members looked on, then burst into chaos as they started playing with their new toys. Adults scolded them for their rowdiness on occasion, but mostly left the children to do as they pleased while sidestepping around the screeching kids who came barreling in their direction.

As family members grouped up to chat, Matt slipped away and found an isolated area in the corner of the living room. He perched lazily on the arm of the couch with his hands wrapped around a mug of cocoa as his mind wandered.

"Too loud for you, too?"

Matt glanced to the side as Pidge dropped heavily on the couch next to him. She laid still for a moment, then wriggled around until she was laying across the width of the couch with her head propped up against the couch arm Matt sat on.

"A little bit," Matt admitted, his gaze scanning over the others in the room. Even away from everyone else, there was too much noise, but he didn't dare retreat to his room. He'd locked his door to protect the various pieces of disassembled technology within from the curious hands of his younger cousins. If he tried to go to his room, his cousins would want to go too, and they'd throw a fit if they weren't allowed in. That left Matt with little to do but tolerate the headache building in his temples until the party winded down and his family members started to leave.

Pidge said nothing in response, and the two lapsed into silence. Matt sipped his cocoa, looking lazily around the room.

"What's wrong?"

Matt paused with his mug of cocoa halfway to his lips, looking down at his younger sister. Pidge craned her neck so she could fix him with a knowing stare as she waited for his response.

"Nothing."

"Bullshit."

"Language. There are little kids here."

"They're too busy screaming and playing to hear me."

"Mom and dad will still yell at you."

"They've been drinking wine with our aunts and uncles for the past half hour. They're probably too buzzed to notice."

Matt shrugged.

Pidge sighed and rolled over onto her stomach, propping her chin on her hands as she continued watching her brother. "Seriously, though. Why do you look like you dropped your phone in the toilet?"

"Resting bitch face."

"It looks more like a resting sad face."

"It's because I'm too gay and beautiful for you to fathom."

"Alright, 'gay and beautiful'. Did your boyfriend dump you yesterday or something?"

Matt choked, nearly spilling his cocoa. "Shiro isn't my boyfriend!" he hissed.

Pidge snorted. "Yeah, yeah, right. What's up, though? You've looked weird ever since you got home last night."

Matt bit his lip, his grip tightening on his mug. "When I was out with Shiro yesterday, he seemed… off? He was a lot quieter than usual, and he kept spacing out a bunch. He was okay at first, I guess, but something must have come up because he started seeming really, I don't know… stressed, maybe? I don't know all the details, but… since the last week of the semester, he's just been…different."

"What do you think it is?"

"I don't know, but I think it might have to do with his ex? After he found out that I was gay, he told me he had a boyfriend in high school. I was kinda curious, so I asked about them a little bit. Shiro was okay at first, but then he started spacing out and looking weird all the time when we talked about him. I stopped asking since I thought that was the thing, but he's only gotten worse."

"What did his ex do? Key his car? Take all his money and bail?"

"He died."

Pidge bolted upright, meeting Matt's gaze with wide eyes. "What?"

"They fought over their plans for the future, I guess, and broke up. Then Adam got into a car accident and died."

"Seriously?"

Matt nodded. "Yeah."

Pidge sighed, shaking her head as she flopped back down on the couch. "That's rough."

Matt nodded again. "I thought he was just upset about Adam, but yesterday he kept spacing out even though he was never brought up. I talked to some people sitting next to us for a bit and he didn't say a word the whole time."

"Did you talk to him after?"

"Not really."

Pidge frowned. She was silent for a moment, and Matt could almost see the thoughts swirling in her head behind her eyes.

"Hey," she began. "Do you remember when we were little, right after dad retired from the military, he wasn't always here? Like he was at the house, yeah, but like, he wasn't here. He would always get lost in his thoughts and stuff."

Matt's brow furrowed. "And mom always told us to go to our rooms for a little bit?"

Pidge nodded. "I didn't really know what was going on back then, so sometimes I would sneak into the hallway and listen to them," she admitted. "Mom would sit down near him and talk about something. She didn't usually ask what he was thinking about, but I'd hear her talking about work and the plants, just stuff like which ones weren't growing right and how the intern overwatered everything. By the time I went back to my room, dad was talking with her." She paused. "Maybe you should call Shiro."

"I guess it wouldn't hurt," Matt said with a shrug. "I just don't want to be nosy, y'know? He was always really patient whenever there was something about Quinn I didn't want to talk about. If something really is wrong, I want to help him, but… I don't want to mess it up."

Pidge sighed. "I can't help you there, Matt."

Matt let out an amused huff. "How many nerds does it take to understand people's feelings?"

"More than two, I think," Pidge replied. "Look. I don't really know what you should do, but after watching mom and dad, I don't think sitting back and waiting is a good idea. Besides, looking sad every time you think about him isn't going to do anything but make everyone think you got dumped."

"Why would anyone think that when I've always been single?"

Pidge stood. "Because you've been hanging out with the same guy all semester and barely talk about anything besides him and computers."

"I'm married to my job."

Pidge rolled her eyes. "Anyway, just call him or something, okay? You look so nervous that I thought you forgot to hide your weed."

Matt shot a glare at his sister. "I don't smoke weed!" he hissed.

Pidge laughed. "Yeah, well you finally don't look like you dropped your phone in the toilet anymore."

Before Matt could reply, Pidge made a beeline for the array of food set out in the kitchen. Matt watched her go, mulling over her advice in his head. It wouldn't hurt to call Shiro, would it? He could at least send a text. A text would probably be better. If he was celebrating the holidays with friends or family back home, Matt didn't want to interrupt.

Slipping his phone from his pocket, Matt searched for Shiro's contact and opened their conversation.

Matt: Hey shiro

Matt: Merry christmas

Matt raised his phone to snap a quick picture of his dog as she ran by.

Matt: Bae bae also says happy holidays

"Matt! Can you come help your aunt and uncle get your cousins into the car?"

Matt blinked at the sound of his name. "Just a second!" he replied. He dropped his phone back into his pocket, set down his cocoa on the end table at his side, then jogged off toward the front door.

When Matt returned, he greeted his phone with a frown when he saw no new notifications. Shiro hadn't gotten back to him.

"He must be busy with family or something," Matt decided. He switched his phone off again and picked up his cocoa, downing the rest of it when he felt the mug growing cold. 'I can always call him later when he's free.'

-000-

Two hours away, Keith Kogane was at the McClain household. Lance's mom had invited both him and Shiro over for their holiday party with their massive extended family since Shiro and Keith had no family to be with besides each other. There were at least two dozen people in the rather small house, if not more. Typically, Keith would avoid such a crowded place at all costs, though he could never refuse an offer from Lance's mother. She was kind, and she always welcomed Keith like he was her own child. Besides, being able to hear stupid stories about Lance as a child from his family members was too good an opportunity to pass up.

Shiro had sent Keith on his own, claiming he wasn't feeling good. It wasn't a lie, as Shiro had started to spend progressively more time sleeping, moved slowly around the house, and rarely ate a thing. His diet was slowly becoming more alcohol-heavy with each day to the point that Keith had started to wake up each morning dreading entering the living room where Shiro would inevitably be passed out drunk on the couch.

It wasn't Shiro that Keith was afraid of, rather he was afraid for Shiro. His brother wasn't an angry drunk, and even when he was upset about something, he had never once laid a harmful finger on Keith. The teen had no worry that Shiro might lash out at him, though he was afraid that Shiro would go too far with his drinking and hurt himself. Shiro had never gotten to the point of alcohol poisoning, not even in his worst days from years ago, but the threat always loomed above him when his mind turned against him as it was doing now.

While Keith kept his anxiety in check in the presence of Lance's family, he couldn't escape the eyes of someone who had known him too long and too well to be blind to what he refused to show.

"Keith, can you help me get some blankets from upstairs? The kids want some for watching movies." Lance leaned over the railing of the stairway as he shouted across the loud room for his friend, who nodded, stood, and followed him.

The pair made their way to the linen closet upstairs, which was stocked with more blankets than Keith could count. However, Lance didn't start pulling the blankets out immediately. Instead, he turned to Keith and narrowed his eyes.

"Keith."

"Hm?"

"What's wrong?"

Keith pushed past Lance and reached for the blankets in the closet. "Nothing." He strained to reach the top of the stack, but his fingers fell just short of his goal. Still, he tried to rise further on his tiptoes until a tan hand reached past his and grabbed the blanket. The sight made Keith huff as he grabbed the next blanket down.

Lance gave no response as he and Keith gathered blankets and closed the closet. They returned to the main floor without a word, set out the blankets for the younger kids, then Lance grabbed Keith's wrist and pulled him back up the stairs. They wound down the hallway, then Lance turned into his room and took Keith with him. He closed the door behind them, flipped on the light, released Keith's wrist, then leaned against the door with his arms crossed and an eyebrow raised.

"What?" Keith asked.

"You didn't tell me what's bothering you."

"Nothing's bothering me."

"I'm not dumb enough to buy that."

"You almost blew up your microwave because you left your fork on your plate last week."

Lance growled. "That's not important right now, okay?" He sighed, pushing away from the door and advancing on Keith. "You've been fidgeting all day, checking your phone every two minutes, and-" Lance reached out and poked the skin beneath Keith's eyes "-you look like you haven't slept in weeks."

"Okay, I'm tired. So? I've always been an insomniac."

"I know something's up, Keith. My mom even pulled me into the kitchen earlier and asked if you were okay. You said Shiro stayed home because he's sick, and she thought you caught what he had." Lance paused when Keith stiffened. "It's something with Shiro again, isn't it?" he asked, his tone suddenly softening.

Keith said nothing. He didn't trust his voice, not after Lance hit the nail on the head.

"What happened?"

Keith took a breath and clenched his hands into fists at his sides as he let his head droop and his gaze fall to the floor. He remained quiet.

Lance reached out and dropped a gentle hand on Keith's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. "Hey, man," he said quietly.

Something in Keith snapped, and a heavy sighed escaped him as his shoulders drooped.

"He's drinking again," Keith admitted. "Shiro drinks a little bit sometimes, which is fine, but… I can't remember the last time I came home from work at night or woke up in the morning and didn't find him passed out drunk on the couch. He barely eats, barely talks, and spends most of the day sitting on the couch staring into space. When he gets up, he walks around so slow you'd think he's ninety."

Lance's eyebrows furrowed as Keith bit his lip. "I thought you said he was doing really good at school this year?" Lance asked.

Keith nodded. "He was. He rarely ever seemed upset when I called or texted him. The only time he seemed off was when his friend was dealing with some stuff. I didn't ask for details, so I don't know how bad it was, but even then Shiro seemed angry, not sad." He paused. "Yesterday, Shiro drove up to his college city. He met with his friend, that guy he met this semester. I thought it might help, since he had been okay while he was hanging around with him before. Actually, I hadn't seen Shiro as relaxed as he was during the semester since before everything happened with Adam and his team," Keith explained. "But when he came back yesterday, he was worse."

"Did you talk to anyone else about it yet?"

Keith shook his head.

Lance sighed. "Stay here tonight, okay? I'll talk to my mom, and we-"

"No." Keith shook his head again. "No, I don't want to bother your mom."

"Keith, she won't mind. She wants to help you two."

"It's okay," Keith insisted. "She does enough for us already. I don't need to bother her about this."

"Come on, Keith. You can't keep trying to deal with this yourself. It's not good for you, and we both know the last thing Shiro wants is for you to run yourself into the ground worrying about him."

"I know, but he's my brother, Lance. He's all I have left. I can't just not worry, but I don't want to drag anyone down with me," Keith explained. He took a deep breath to steady himself, then looked Lance in the eye. "I'm already bothering you with all this, and I'm sorry. I don't want to bother anyone else."

Lance sighed once again. "Fine. You should at least stay here tonight, though I won't say anything to anyone yet," he began, "but… Whatever happens, if Shiro doesn't start getting better soon, I'm not going to stand here and watch you kill yourself trying to help him yourself. I don't want to do nothing while Shiro's suffering, either. He's a super cool guy, and I don't want to see either of you guys getting hurt."

Keith nodded and took a step back, causing Lance's hand to slip from his shoulder. He turned away from Lance and wiped at the moisture that had pooled in his eyes, sniffing quietly as he composed himself. "Thanks," he muttered.

"Anytime."

Chapter Text

By New Year's Eve, Matt still hadn't heard from Shiro. His texts were unopened, and his phone didn't go off no matter how long he stared at it. Every few minutes, Matt would tap the power button and bring the screen to life only to watch it fade to black without a text notification popping up. He checked his phone so often that his family began to notice. Colleen and Sam fixed him with looks of concern, while Pidge, who knew what was happening, started to worry.

When extended family members once again poured into the house as they awaited the arrival of the new year, Pidge pulled Matt aside. They slipped into his room and shut the door to block out the noise from the rest of the house.

Pidge leaned against the door with her arms crossed and frowned. "Shiro's still acting weird?"

Matt nodded in confirmation, squeezing his phone in a tight grip.

Pidge sighed. "Did he not answer when you called?"

"I, uh, didn't."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to bother him if he's busy, and he hasn't read my messages yet-"

"Call." Pidge's voice went cold. She stepped toward her brother with narrowed eyes as she dropped her arms and clenched her fists at her sides. She was much shorter than Matt, though she seemed to loom over him as she moved closer and locked him with her steely gaze. "You know Shiro isn't keeping to himself because he's busy. That's why you won't stop checking your phone, right? You know something's wrong, and you're worried, so why aren't you doing anything?"

"I don't know everything that's going on with him, and I don't want to call him only to say the wrong thing and make it worse," Matt admitted. "I don't really know what to do when someone's this, y-know, upset. What if I just make him mad?"

"You're so fucking stupid sometimes!" Pidge hissed, shaking her head. "Just-ugh." She dropped her head into his hands and scrubbed feverishly at her face. When she raised her head to look at Matt again, her eyes had a glossy layer of mist over them. "Look," she began. "Like I said before, I don't know much about helping people either. Even when you were dealing with Quinn during high school, I never knew what to say or what to do. I was afraid of making you feel worse, and I didn't know how to help you."

"It's okay-" Matt began, only for Pidge to cut him off.

"No, it's not okay," Pidge stated. "I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything, not until after it was too late. And that… that's the thing I regret most in my whole life. You could've died if Quinn went too far, or even worse, you could have killed yourself." Pidge sniffed. "You know Shiro isn't okay, and we both know from watching dad and what happened to you that someone trying to push everyone away is the person who needs help most." Pidge's eyes were threatening to overflow, the moisture welling up no matter how many times she wiped it away. "Don't leave him alone. Don't risk spending the rest of your life regretting what you were too afraid to do."

Without another word, Pidge spun on her heel and slipped out of the room. Distantly, Matt heard her door slam shut, though the sound hardly reached his ears. He could only stare at where Pidge had stood moments ago as he digested her words. It was a rare occasion for Pidge to get teary-eyed, and coupled with the new awareness of his sister's guilt, Matt was frozen. He never knew… Then again, not knowing seemed to be a reoccurring theme recently.

Stiff fingers slowly brought Matt's phone to life. He typed in his pin, navigated to his contacts, and scrolled until he found his target. Hesitantly he raised his phone to his ear and waited as it rang once, twice, three times-

"Hello?"

Matt's words died in his throat at the sound of an unfamiliar voice on the other end of the line. He couldn't have called the wrong number, since he'd called Shiro's contact, the one he'd been texting for months. Did Shiro's number change? Did he leave his phone somewhere and a stranger picked up?

"Uh, hi," Matt began. "Is, uh, Shiro there?"

There was silence on the other end for a moment, though Matt had little time to contemplate it before a response came through.

"Uh, no. Shiro's, um, unavailable."

"Oh. Okay, uh, sorry to bother you, uh…"

"It's Keith. I'm Shiro's brother."

"Ah. Sorry to bother you, Keith. I haven't heard from Shiro in a while, so I wanted to call him. I'm Matt, by the way. Matt Holt, Shiro's friend from the university."

Two hours away on the other end of the call, Keith's lips turned upward in a gentle smile. He'd heard Shiro's phone go off as it sat abandoned on the coffee table while Shiro snored quietly on the couch. Usually, Keith would consider looking at Shiro's phone without permission an invasion of privacy, but in Shiro's current state, he couldn't help but peek at the screen. He'd found himself answering before he could think not to, leading him to where he was now, speaking quietly as he crept to his room and closed the door.

"I figured," Keith replied. "I've heard a lot about you from Shiro."

"I've heard quite a bit about you from him too, Keith."

"Has he been bothering you with stories about his trouble-maker little brother?"

"He's told me a few. He always talks about you fondly, though, and he always seems to relax a little. I guess it brings him a little peace, maybe?"

"Really?" Keith chuckled softly. "Peaceful is probably the last thing I make him feel. It seems to me like he's always getting me out of trouble."

"Even if that's true, Shiro seems to be the type that'll keep coming back to help anyway."

"Yeah." Keith paused, running a hand through his messy hair as he glanced at his door. "He is."

Back in the Holt household, Matt sighed. "He helped me out a lot this semester when I had some, uh, personal issues come up. It wasn't easy on him, and even though he could back out at any time, he stuck with me until the end of it," he explained. "I want to be able to do the same for him if he ever needs it, but…" Matt stopped.

The two were both silent, only the soft crackle in the background of their call reaching their ears.

"Is Shiro okay?"

Matt's voice was quiet, though his tone was heavily weighted with concern.

For a moment, Keith wanted to say 'yes'. He wanted to assure Matt everything was fine, that Shiro was just tired, and he'd call him back soon. He wanted to keep Matt at a safe distance in case Shiro fell further; to protect at all costs this friend who had brought light to Shiro's life. Keith didn't want to scare Matt away, but at the same time, he was running out of options. Shiro wasn't getting better no matter what Keith tried, but maybe…

"No."

The word was short and simple, a mere one syllable. However, in that moment, Keith felt like it was the hardest thing he'd ever said. "No, he's not okay."

Matt's heart stopped with a painful thump. "What happened?" His tone sounded empty, as if the cold void that had opened in his chest had captured his voice and drained away ever bit of life in it.

"A lot of things," Keith admitted. "Not recently, but… That doesn't make it any better."

"Is it about Adam?"

"Some of it, yeah."

The pair paused again.

Matt cleared his throat. "So, there's something else, too?"

Keith sighed. "Shiro misses Adam a lot- he always has -but missing him isn't his whole problem. He feels guilty about why they broke up, because Adam was right. He told Shiro to go to college and stay away from the dangerous jobs he idolized; told him he could get hurt or they could get separated. Shiro knows now that he should've listened, that everything that happened to him and his crew might've been avoided, and maybe if he'd listened Adam would have been with him instead of on the road at the time of the accident, but knowing that now doesn't change what happened."

Matt gave no response.

"I think the season is getting to him, too, kind of. He was finally discharged in the middle of winter after he recovered. That's not all of it, of course, but it doesn't help him get any better," Keith explained.

"Does he not have anyone to talk to about what happened?"

"Not really, I guess? He rarely even talks to me about everything because he's the kind of guy who wants to take care of his own problems. Not the whole 'I'm-perfect-and-know-everything-so-I-can-solve-all-my-problems-myself' kind of guy, but the kind who'll carry someone on his back if they twist their ankle but won't ask a single person for help if he breaks his leg."

"The kind who doesn't like to burden other people?" Matt supplied.

"Yeah," Keith agreed. He sighed again. "I just… he needs to talk to someone. You have no idea how relieved I was when Shiro told me he'd finally made a friend at his university. He didn't hang around with anyone until he met you, and he was always happy whenever he talked about you." Keith smiled. "Honestly, it was the first time in years that I'd seen Shiro relaxed."

"Really?"

"Well, yeah. I mean, he lost half his crew when the strike went wrong, and after they finally got rescued, he lost the few he had left one by one. It's been a while, but I still don't even want to think about the look he had on his face when he found out that the last crew member he had left had killed herself. I've never been afraid of Shiro, because I know he'd never lash out at me no matter how bad he got, but in that moment…" Keith couldn't suppress the shiver that made his body spasm, "I turned around, shut myself in my room, and didn't come out until I heard his bedroom door close. He'd barely been hanging on until then, but after that… There was never a moment when he wasn't on-edge, or when he didn't feel anxious about something. I guess he thought it was him against world, and he felt like he was fighting a losing battle."

"His whole crew?"

"Yeah, from the Air Force."

There was a long pause before Matt spoke.

"Shiro was in the Air Force?"

Keith froze, his eyes going wide as his heart clenched and the cold misery of guilt flushed his gut. "Did Shiro… not tell you?"

"N-no."

"Shit." Keith nearly dropped Shiro's phone as he ran his hands stressfully through his hair. He was an idiot. Of course Shiro didn't tell Matt. Shiro didn't tell anyone about his military background. The only reason Keith knew anything was because he was Shiro's brother. He's the one who answered the phone when Shiro's team went MIA. He's the one who returned to an empty home for months on end, unsure of whether or not he was truly alone in the world; unsure of whether or not the cruel universe had stolen not only his mother and father, but also his brother from him. He was the one who called Mrs. McClain begging her to drive him to the hospital when Shiro was transferred close to home, and he was the only one besides the doctors who had salvaged Shiro's mangled right arm to see the mass of metal, flesh, and scar tissue it had become. Of course Shiro would hide his past the way he hid that arm he hated beneath long sleeves and leather gloves. Of course he'd be afraid that the truth of who he was would drive away the few people who didn't run at the sight of the scar on his face and his looming build.

"Keith-"

"Please forget everything I said!" Keith blurted. "I don't know why I thought he told you, but it's not my place to give out his secrets. I shouldn't have said anything. Please, just forget what I said, and don't run away. Please, please don't run away from Shiro. He's still the nice person you know despite what he's been through-"

Keith's rambling was cut off by Matt, who sighed heavily and spoke loud enough to drown out the other's words. "It's okay, Keith. Shiro is still Shiro, no matter what's happened in the past," he agreed. "Shiro may not have said anything to me, but it's not like I didn't notice something was different about him. From the start, he's always reminded me of my dad in some ways. The both have the same rigid stance, like they're ready to jump into action at a moment's notice. And Shiro sometimes gets jumpy when he has this kind of far-away look on his face the same way my dad does. I never really thought about any of it since it's not my business, but it's not like I never noticed," Matt explained. "My dad was in the military for quite a while. He works with the university's aviation department now and is a sort of on-campus liaison helping students who are interested in joining the Air Force."

A heavy sigh of relief escaped Keith, leaving his shoulders slumped as a sudden wave of exhaustion washed through his body. "Really?" he breathed. "Still, forget about what I said. I'm glad you aren't freaked our or anything, but I still said something I shouldn't."

"It's okay, Keith. I won't say anything to Shiro, and even if he knew, I'm sure he wouldn't be mad. You care, and that's why you're worried. That's all that matters to him."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just stressed. I know it would drive Shiro nuts if I let him know, since the last thing he wants is to pull other people into his problems, but he's my brother; I can't just not be stressed when he's slipping like this." Keith paused. "I know this sounds selfish, but he's all I have left. He's the one who does everything he can to give me a decent life. He's been looking after me by himself since he was in high school, and even after everything that happened to him, he still tries so hard to look out for me. I want to look out for him too, but when he gets like this, I just… I don't know what to do."

"I understand, Keith. My dad is a lot better off now, but there were some times when I was little that he'd struggle. I never knew what to do back then, and even now I don't have many answers. What I do know, though…" Matt paused, thinking back to what Pidge had said to him before the call, "…is that stepping back and doing nothing because you're afraid of doing something wrong is the worst choice you can make. That's why I won't leave Shiro to try to fix everything himself. I don't want to make a mistake I might spend the rest of my life regretting."

Keith nodded, forgetting that Matt couldn't see him. "Yeah, me too. Right now, I'm just trying to make sure he eats enough and doesn't drink too much. I'm still not sure what to say, or how to say it, but like you said, I won't ignore this and pretend that'll make it go away."

Matt grimaced at the mentions of alcohol. Thankfully, his father hadn't fallen very far into that perilous rabbit hole thanks to his mother. Too many others in Sam's position had fallen victim to the amber bottles of temporary release, and it hadn't ended well for any of them. Too many miles away to stop him, Matt could only hope that Shiro wouldn't end up like Sam's former friends.

"Is there anyone else helping you?" Matt asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Any distant relatives, friends, or neighbors helping you and Shiro?"

"Not really, no. We don't know of any relatives, and the closest neighbors are pretty far away, so we don't really talk to them. My friend Lance and his parents help us out when we need it and look after me when Shiro's away, but I don't want to pull them into this."

Matt nearly smacked himself. 'No relatives, right. Just like Shiro said.' He suppressed a sigh. "I understand, but don't try to bear all of this alone, Keith. You'll burn yourself out, and that won't help you or Shiro."

"Lance said the same thing. If it gets too bad, I'll ask for help, but I'm fine by myself right now."

Matt hummed, his gaze skimming absentmindedly around his room. He paused when he noticed a small business card taped to his desk, the edges torn and curled up. The card itself was faded but legible as Matt squinted at it. "Keith," he said. "Has Shiro ever seen a professional? Like a therapist?"

"Uh, I don't know," Keith admitted. "I think he saw one a few times when he was in the hospital, but not since then. I looked into a few, but they're all really far away and, uh, unaffordable."

"Well, there was someone my dad used to see after he retired. He goes there once in a while if he starts feeling off, and it's always helped him a lot. She's a therapist who offers military discounts to active soldiers and veterans, since a lot of those people are struggling financially. Her office is in the same city as the university, so it's kind of far from you guys, but I think Shiro should talk to her. Even if he only goes a few times, I think it'll help him out a lot. That'll give you a bit of a break, too." Matt reached out and ran his fingers over the card. He'd taken it when he was little and kept it in case his father ever needed it again. Sam might not have been the one in need of help at the moment, but Matt sent a silent 'thanks' to his younger self for keeping the card close.

Keith sighed. "Yeah, sure, thanks. But uh, could you, um, send it to me instead of Shiro? I'll get your number from Shiro's phone and text you so you have my contact. I don't really like keeping secrets, but I think he'll feel bad if he finds out you know what's going on and are trying to help him instead of enjoying the holidays with your family."

"The holidays aren't as important as this." Matt paused. "And, uh, could you do me a favor, too? Just, uh... Make sure Shiro knows he can call me. You don't have to tell him I know some of what he's been through or anything, just tell him he doesn't have to push me away right now. He's my friend, and that means he can talk to me whenever about whatever he needs to. Even if he just wants to talk about a movie or something stupid to try to get his mind off things, make sure he knows I'll answer when he calls."

"Yeah, of course," Keith replied. "And thank you, Matt, for looking out for Shiro. I've always gotten anxious when he was at school by himself, but I don't have to worry anymore since there's someone else who can keep an eye on him for me. It's nice, both for me and for Shiro. I guess, just, thanks for being his friend."

"I should be thanking him for being mine, and for standing up for me when we've only known each other for a few months."

Keith smiled. "I think we might both have a lot to thank Shiro for."

"Maybe."

"Well, goodbye. And thanks again."

The line went dead as Keith ended the call, then he fumbled for his own phone in his pocket to copy Matt's number before Shiro's phone locked.

On the other end, Matt let his phone fall away from his ear slowly. He was numb. He couldn't feel anything, not even the harsh thump of his heart in his chest. He didn't notice the tears streaming down his face until one dripped off his chin and landed on his finger. He slowly lifted his hand to observe the splattered droplet only for more to fall around it. His fingers went to his face, feeling the wetness on his cheeks that he began to scrub at harshly with his sleeve. He didn't stop until his phone buzzed in his hand, the screen lighting up with a new notification.

Unknown Number: Hey, it's Keith

Unknown Number: Shiro's brother

Matt sniffed and wiped his eyes again before he hunched over his desk to take a photo of the business card. He sent it to Keith, then set the teen's contact in his phone.

Matt: Heres her business card

Matt: And keep me updated on Shiro please

Matt: Since he wont reply to my texts

"Matt! Katie! The ball drop is starting soon! Hurry and come to the living room!"

The sound of his mom's voice made Matt stop and compose himself. He wiped up the tears on his face and blinked away the new ones gathering in his eyes, then swapped his contacts for the glasses he hadn't worn in weeks; the frames would help hide his swollen eyes. He pulled his hair out of the loose ponytail he'd had it in all day to try to cover some of the tearstains on his cheeks.

Matt reached the living room just after Pidge, though she only looked at him briefly before turning away with a red tint to her cheeks. If not for the circumstances, Matt might have been amused by his sister's embarrassment. Not that she should be embarrassed about crying, especially when she hadn't been the only one to cry that night.

When the ball drop began on the TV, nearly the whole Holt family counted down. Matt was the only one who was silent as he stared at the screen without processing the sight. When the countdown hit zero and excited shouts exploded around him, Matt felt nothing. Claiming to be tired, he tapped his father's shoulder and said he was going to bed early.

No matter how many blankets he piled on his bed, Matt couldn't escape the cold feeling in his chest. Two hours away, Keith laid awake under the same fate.

Chapter Text

Shiro killed the engine of his car then paused, staring at the small building in front of him. He glanced at the paper taped to his dash and scanned over the scribble of pen in Keith's hurried penmanship.

        Takashi Shirogane

        Cherryfield Therapy

        Dr. Najenda Kek

        14:30

        January 3rd, 2020

Shiro had only found out the previous day that he had an appointment two hours away from home in his college town with a therapist he'd never heard of nor asked to see. Keith had simply walked out of his room the previous morning, handed the slip of paper detailing the appointment info to Shiro, and gone back into his room.

Shiro blinked his tired eyes open slowly. He was still half asleep, though his bladder demanded he rid himself of the alcohol he'd had before falling asleep the night before. He tried to shift to a more comfortable position and ignore it, but soon gave in to the inevitable and got to his feet.

Two collisions with the walls of the hallway and a bathroom trip later, Shiro shuffled back to the couch and dropped gracelessly back onto the cushions. He tipped his head back so it rested on the top of the back cushions and closed his eyes. Sitting upright wasn't a comfortable sleeping position, but he was too tired to care. Another nap sounded good, even if his neck was going to hurt later.

The quiet 'click' of a door made Shiro open his eyes and glance toward the source – Keith stood silently in front of his bedroom door, one hand still on the knob. In the other he held a slip of paper, though Shiro couldn't read it from where he sat.

"Goo'morning, Keith," Shiro mumbled, letting his head fall back again as he closed his eyes once more. The sound of slow, nearly inaudible footsteps pulsed in his ears, then stopped. Shiro blinked his eyes open again, his gaze resting on Keith, who stood next to the couch. The teen was staring at him with an expression Shiro couldn't decipher even after over a decade of living under the same roof as Keith.

With a sigh, Shiro lifted his head and shifted in his seat so he faced Keith. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

Keith said nothing, instead holding out the paper clutched in his hand. "Don't miss it," he mumbled as Shiro took the paper from him.

Shiro read over the scribbles with a frown, then whipped his head toward his brother, who had already ventured to the kitchen. "What's this?" Shiro raised his voice the slightest bit to make sure Keith could hear him from the other room.

"Someone who can help," Keith responded.

After a moment, Keith returned from the kitchen with a partially eaten apple in hand. He sunk his teeth into the fruit, ripping off a large chunk.

"I don't need a therapist," Shiro insisted, shaking his head. "Besides, they aren't cheap."

Keith swallowed his bite of apple. "She offers big discounts to veterans and has good reviews."

Shiro's eyes furrowed as he looked at the paper once again. "Where even if this?"

"Same city as your university."

"That's…far."

"Driving long-distance has never been an issue for you."

"Where did you even find this place?"

Keith gave no response. He turned around and returned to the kitchen instead.

"Keith!"

A hiss reached Shiro's ears as Keith turned on their gas stove.

"Keith!"

The stove wasn't so loud that Shiro's voice would be drowned out, but Keith still gave no response. Clearly, he wasn't going to give up his sources so easily. Not that it mattered though, as far as Shiro was aware.

With a resigned sigh, Shiro folded the paper and slipped it into his pocket. He'd said he didn't need a therapist, though he knew that wasn't the case. He knew he was slipping – he'd been slipping for a while. Ever since the end of the previous semester, old problems had come back to haunt him. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't drive them away, not alone. While he had Matt and Keith to rely on, they had their own lives, and Shiro didn't want to trouble them any more than he already had.

Now, sitting in his car in front of the therapist's office, Shiro didn't want to go. He knew he needed to. He knew that well. He was struggling. He needed help. However, it felt strange. He'd spoken with a therapist just before he was discharged from the military, though that had been a few rather awkward sessions over four years ago. He didn't know what to do when he went in. He didn't know if he'd be able to open up.

For a moment, Shiro considered going home. Keith had gone through the trouble to set an appointment for him, but surely he wouldn't be too upset if Shiro didn't go. It would save them money. That wasn't a bad idea, right?

A glance in the rearview mirror made Shiro's thoughts stop. He had heavy dark circles under his eyes, and his tan skin had an unhealthy ashy-grey tint. His hair was messy even though he'd tried to tame it with a comb before he left. The sides had grown out, no longer buzzed short the way he usually had it. Right. He hadn't gone out in weeks. He hadn't gotten a hair cut in… how long? He looked about as horrible as he felt.

Tearing his eyes from the face in the mirror, Shiro shoved his door open and climbed out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him. With hunched shoulders he entered the office and approached the front desk. This couldn't go on. Not after he'd seen his pitiful reflection for the first time in weeks. However, it wasn't the appearance himself that troubled him. The sight had shocked his hazy brain to life and reminded him of something far more worrisome.

Keith had been keeping to himself in the recent weeks, not approaching Shiro very often. He was out a lot, either at school, at work, or at Lance's house. However, the few glances he'd seen of Keith's face were enough to bring him to his realization, and to bury him in guilt. He thought he was the only one struggling, and he thought Keith was fine since Shiro wasn't burdening him with his struggles. Shiro had failed to realize that trying to control these troublesome flames himself didn't guarantee Keith wouldn't get burned.

As bad as Shiro had looked when he saw himself in the mirror, Keith looked worse. The deeper, darker circles under his eyes. The paler skin. The burst blood vessels in the whites of his eyes. This couldn't go on. No matter how badly Shiro wanted to run away, he couldn't allow it. Even if he could handle his troubles, Keith couldn't. After all Keith had suffered in the past because of Shiro's own suffering, Shiro couldn't stand by and watch his little brother fall apart from tearing out his own seams in search of the smallest pieces of thread so he could try to sew Shiro new ones.

-000-

"Takashi Shirogane?"

Shiro glanced up from the floor at the sound of his name. A woman stood behind the opaque door leading into the back of the office, her head peeking into the waiting room.

Sighing heavily, Shiro stood and approached her.

"You're Takashi Shirogane?" the woman asked.

"Yes ma'am," Shiro told her with an awkward polite smile and a nod. The woman returned it.

"Right this way," she said, holding open the door for him to enter.

Shiro followed the woman down the short hallway and into a room at the end. The shades were mostly drawn, and a few simple lamps in the corners cast soft light throughout the room. There was a plush sofa, two large chairs, and even a beanbag situated near a small desk and chair tucked into one of the counters.

"Take a seat wherever you feel most comfortable," the woman said as she pulled out the chair at the desk.

Shiro glanced around the room, shuffling toward one of the heavily padded chairs. He sat hesitantly, perched on the edge of the seat. The point may have been to pick a comfy chair to relax in, though despite the relaxing décor, he couldn't bring his muscles to ease their tension.

"I know it's a bit late, but hello, Mr. Shirogane. I am Najenda Kek. Feel free to call me whatever you find most comfortable," the woman greeted, leaning forward and extending a hand in offering. Shiro accepted, giving her hand a light shake.

"Hello, ma'am. It's nice to meet you, and you can just call me Shiro," he said.

"Shiro?"

Shiro nodded. "It's what I usually go by."

Najenda bobbed her head in understanding as she opened the thin file sitting on her lap and scribbled something on the paper. "So, Shiro," she began, "why don't you start by telling me a little about yourself?"

"Uh.." Shiro paused, his mind blank.

"Do you have a job?" Najenda asked.

"Only during the summer months."

"What about school? Are you in college?"

"Yes. I attend the university here in town, actually."

"So do you live in the area?"

Shiro shook his head. "No, ma'am. I live about two hours away. I stay in the dorms during school."

"And how is school going? Are your grades okay? Do you talk with anyone in your classes?"

"My grades aren't bad. I mean, I don't have straight A's – well, actually I don't have straight anything - but I'm still doing pretty good."

Shiro paused, then closed his eyes as he resisted the urge to slap himself. He wasn't one to make sexuality jokes, though it seemed he'd spoken with Lance a few too many times, seeing as he'd just borrowed one of the teen's exact lines.

"Does your sexuality trouble you at all?" Najenda asked. Her expression didn't so much as shift, and Shiro found himself glad that she hadn't laughed at his awful joke.

"No, not really. Sure, I've run into homophobic people, but typically I don't get much trouble for it since people find me, well, intimidating," Shiro explained. "I like guys, and women are nice too. Both, either, neither… none of it really matters to me."

Najenda nodded. "When you say people find you 'intimidating,' what exactly are you referring to?"

Shiro frowned. "Well, I mean, I'm kind of a big guy. And I do have a massive scar on my face, so that tends to make people take a step back."

"Does that trouble you?"

"Yeah, kinda? It used to bother me a lot more, since everyone in my classes tended to avoid me. But this last semester I became friends with an IT student who was never really bothered by how I look. Sure, I still get bothered by people who look at me like I'm some sort of delinquent, but he's helped me feel a little better. It's only one person, but just knowing that someone isn't bothered by how I look is… nice."

"Is he the only person from school that you spend time with?"

"Pretty much, yeah. I don't have any friends in my classes, except one of my aviation instructors. But he actually turned out to be my friend's dad, so that was kind of weird. Not bad weird, just, you known, surprising?"

"Do you get along well with both of them?"

"Yeah. I even met the rest of their family. They're all really good people." Shiro paused, then added, "and they have a cute dog."

Najenda bobbed her head. She wrote something out on her paper then looked up at Shiro. "Why don't you tell me a little about your friend? The student."

Shiro scanned the room as he gathered his thoughts. "Well, his name is Matt. He's quite a bit younger than me, five years, or, almost six, actually, but it doesn't really bother him. He does IT work, like I said, which is actually how I met him. My phone broke during the first week of classes last semester, and he was the person working at the IT Center when I took it in to get fixed."

"So, you two have only known each other a few months?"

"Yeah, but it feels longer. More like years, I guess."

"Can you describe him to me?"

"Uh, he's got kinda long hair?" Shiro motioned toward his shoulders. "About this long, and he's been putting it in a ponytail. He's a bit shorter than me, but he's gotten a lot taller than he was when we first met. He had short hair then, and I actually thought he was a high school student because he was so small. Now he's, maybe chin height on me? He was really skinny, too. He still is, but he's picked up working out recently, so he looks more his age than he did before."

Najenda nodded. "So is Matt just your friend, or maybe a potential romantic partner?"

Shiro felt his face go red. "Uh, no, no, uh… He's just a friend. I mean, I don't think he's unattractive or anything. He's a handsome guy, but he's just, y'know, a friend."

Najenda wrote something down, and Shiro wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. He'd never really thought of Matt like that. Matt would probably be a good boyfriend. Kind, but not a pushover. Smart, patient, strong with newfound confidence… Yes, he was definitely boyfriend material….

Shiro shook his head. Boyfriend material, yes. Boyfriend material for Shiro himself, no. Just because they were both guys, and both of them liked guys… No, they were friends. They didn't have any awkward tension between them. It was nice, and the fact that Shiro's face was burning didn't mean anything. He was just embarrassed – who wouldn't be? Questions about boyfriends and girlfriends were always a little embarrassing.

As if she sensed Shiro's unease – which, as a therapist, she probably did – Najenda changed course. "What about family?" she asked.

Shiro shrugged, the heat starting to fade from his cheeks. "There isn't much to talk about there. I don't really remember my parents, or what happened to them, or if something happened to them. I was in the system for a while, then my brother's dad adopted me when I was ten. I don't really know how he managed it, since Keith's mom was long gone and his dad was a single parent, but I was with them for seven years. Then his dad died in a fire – he was a firefighter – and I had to look after Keith. He's really all I have now."

"Keith is your step-brother?"

Shiro nodded.

"And how old is Keith?" Najenda asked.

"He's eighteen."

"And you?"

"I'm twenty-five. I'll be twenty-six at the end of February."

Najenda was quiet for a moment as she wrote on her papers, then she looked up and met Shiro's gaze. "So your brother was eleven and you were seventeen when your stepfather died, and you've been his legal guardian ever since?"

Shiro nodded. "He died shortly before I turned eighteen. Luckily, there wasn't enough time for Keith to be put in the system before I turned eighteen, so we didn't get separated."

Najenda bobbed her head. "I was told you were in the military for a few years," she continued. "Was that a choice you made to support your brother?"

Shiro went quiet. Najenda's earlier questions hadn't been very invasive. It was clear she had started by looking for information to create a decent framework of him before she delved deeper. The questions about Keith and other family was likely meant to be a deeper question but thinking about the answers wasn't troubling for Shiro. He never met his biological family, and while he missed Mr. Kogane, the man had been out of the house more often than he was home, working hard to bring in enough money to support two sons alone. Shiro was grateful to him and had no ill feelings toward his stepfather, but they hadn't been as close as some of the others Shiro had lost. No losses hit harder than those Shiro had experienced after it was him and Keith against the world – the losses his military career had in some way all led to, directly or inadvertently.

"Uh, no, actually. I had planned to enlist before my stepdad died. After losing him, the income from enlisting was just another reason to stick with my plan," he admitted.

"Who looked after your brother while you were away?"

Shiro rubbed the back of his neck in discomfort. "Keith spent a lot of time by himself at home, but his friend's mom watched out for him while I was gone. She'd already pretty much adopted the two of us before my stepdad died; she packed extra food for her son to bring to school and share with Keith, and on the weekends when my stepdad was gone, she would always come over and say she made too much food while making dinner and give us the 'extras'. After my stepdad died, she and her husband came by more often and would invite Keith and I over for meals." Shiro's lips curled up in a fond smile. "She always complained about Keith being too skinny and scolded me for not eating enough even though I was trying to bulk up to prepare for enlisting. After I left, Keith would go over to their house and stay for a night, or even a couple days in a row. I got worried about leaving him by himself when I first left since he was still very young, but Mrs. McClain let me know he was being looked after, so it took a lot of stress off my shoulders."

"Are you still in contact with Mrs. McClain and your brother's friend?"

"Yeah, of course. Keith and Lance argue all the time, but they're closer than ever. Keith stays over at his house all the time, even when I'm home between semesters, and Mrs. McClain still checks in to make sure we're not going hungry."

"Are you satisfied with the relationship your families have?"

The question caught Shiro off guard, and the warmth that has started to flood his veins was suddenly flushed away by a wave of frigid cold. "Uh, I don't… know, I guess," he admitted. "I'm so grateful for the McClains and I don't know if Keith or I would have made it this far without them, but…" Shiros hands clenched in his lap. "Sometimes I think about how much they've done for us and can't help but feel guilty. I know I'll never be able to repay them for everything they did for us, no matter how badly I was to. I want them to focus on themselves and not worry about us, because they don't have to help us, but they won't. I hate owing people, and I hate making trouble for others, but I know too well that Keith and I can't make it without them."

"Shiro," Najenda said softly. "You don't need to feel guilty about accepting help. If it was too troublesome for them, they would have turned their backs long ago. Like you said, they aren't required to help you and your brother, but they do, and people do these things because they care." Najenda brushed a lock of hair out of her face. "From what you described, it seems like you are family to the McClains, regardless of whose blood runs through your veins. You never owe family, and there's no shame in accepting help from the people who care about you."

Shiro nodded slowly. He understood what Najenda was saying, though it didn't make him feel much better. He'd spent years trying not to be a burden on Lance's family, and every time he accepted their help, he added a mark on his mental list of things to repay the McClains for. He'd grown up independent with few or no people to lean on for support. As stupid as it felt to admit it, he honestly wasn't sure how to accept support from someone for nothing in return.

It seemed Shiro's silence had gone on for too long, as Najenda cleared her throat to call his attention. "On another note," she began, changing the subject once again, "why don't you tell me a little more about school? You said you're an aviation student, right?"

"Yes, ma'am."

-000-

Shiro sighed heavily as he dropped his keys on the kitchen table upon arriving home. The session hadn't been too bad – Najenda hadn't pushed too far – and it felt nice to get things off his chest without worrying about being a burden on someone. He never talked much about his guilt over his reliance on the McClain family, as he didn't want to seem like he didn't appreciate their help. While the drive to her office was long, the fact that Najenda was two hours away and would likely never meet the McClains made it easier for Shiro to share his true feelings.

Only a small weight had been lifted from Shiro's shoulder, but weight was weight. He found himself standing straighter, and after a single glance at the couch, he strode past it and went to his room instead.

After changing into something more comfortable than jeans and ridding himself of his leather gloves, Shiro left his room and crossed the hallway to knock on Keith's door. He got no response. He knocked again. "Keith?" Still nothing.

Concerned, Shiro started walking room to room in search of his younger brother. Keith's car was outside, so he couldn't be at work, and it was far too late for him to still be at school. However, there was no sign of the teen anywhere in the house.

Biting his lip in concern, Shiro returned to Keith's bedroom door and knocked again. When he heard nothing, he grabbed the handle and slowly pushed the door open. Usually, he would never enter Keith's room without permission. Keith was an adult and had a right to privacy. However, this was one of the few cases in which worry overrode anything else.
Shiro hesitantly poked his head into the room and fumbled for the light switch on the wall. He scanned the room when the lights flickered to life, but there was no Keith in sight.

The little relief Shiro had felt after talking to Najenda disappeared as his mind instantly went to the worst. Had Keith gotten into trouble? Did something happen at school? Was he sick? Typically, Shiro would have noticed if anything was wrong, but he'd been so caught up in his own struggles that he hadn't had the energy to keep a good eye on Keith.

A slight tremor shook Shiro's hands as he dug for his phone in his pocket. He unlocked it and scrolled through his contacts until he found the one he was looking for and pressed 'call'. The phone rang twice before the other end picked up.

"Hey, ma'am, it's Shiro," Shiro greeted. "Sorry to bother you, but is Keith over at your house by any chance?"

Mrs. McClain hummed on the other end. "Yes, yes, he is. Lance picked him up after school to work on a paper they forgot about during their winter break."

"Oh, I see," Shiro said. He moved the phone away for a moment as a sigh of relief escaped him, then returned it to his ear. "Do you need me to go pick him up? I can be there in a few minutes."

"It's okay. Keith fell asleep earlier while they were working, so I was just going to let him stay here tonight and get some rest. I told Lance to text you, but he must have forgotten."

"It's fine, I'm just glad to know where he is. I just got back from, uh, some errands, and he wasn't home, so I got a bit worried. Are you sure it's okay for him to stay the night?"

"Yes, don't worry about it. There is always room for both Keith and you in this house. Besides, Keith needs to rest. He's such a hard worker; it's tiring, especially for people his age. I wish Lance tried as hard as Keith did in school, but he's more interested in goofing off. He's still a child at heart, that one, but I guess that's why the two of them get along so well."

Shiro almost snorted in amusement. "Yeah. Opposites attract, right?"

Mrs. McClain chuckled. "Anyway, don't worry about Keith tonight, and I'll have Lance drop him off at home after school tomorrow."

"Okay. Thank you for looking after him, really," Shiro said.

"It's no problem, mijo. Take care of yourself, yes?"

"Of course, ma'am."

"Good night, Shiro."

"Good night, ma'am."

The call ended, and Shiro let his phone fall to his side. It was barely six o'clock at night, but Keith was already asleep? He'd looked tired, more so than usual, but Keith rarely slept before nine at the earliest. For him to fall asleep so early, and while doing homework, meant the teen was in worse shape than Shiro thought. Keith was a senior in high school… and weren't semester exams coming up in the next few weeks? He also had a part-time job with shifts that ended late at night, even when he had school the next day. Keith was an insomniac, too, so he was typically sleep-deprived even without the little tasks and difficulties that kept him awake well into the night. And all the while, Keith had been looking out for him, for Shiro. Keith had run himself ragged when it should have been the other way around. That was why this couldn't go on. Shiro was slipping, and he was dragging Keith down with him whether he meant it or not. If he didn't get his act together, he'd pull more people down, maybe even Matt or Sam. Shiro couldn't let that happen.

Returning to his room, Shiro fished through his wallet for the small appointment card he'd tucked away. His next appointment with Najenda was in a little over a week, on the day after classes started. He hadn't planned on setting another appointment, though the charge for his session ended up being far less than he expected after his veteran's discount was applied. When he walked out of the office feeling lighter than he had in weeks, he couldn't think of an excuse to not go back. Whether he liked it or not, pretending to be 'tough' and claiming he didn't need help was a lie that would only cause damage to both Shiro and those around him, just as it had already hurt Keith. He needed to face the things he'd been running from for the past eight years, and Najenda was the best means of doing so.

Shiro set the appointment card on his nightstand, then dropped onto his bed. He pulled out his phone and opened the messenger app to see a handful of texts from Matt, none of which he'd answered. Had he even opened them? The past week and a half had been a blur; he couldn't remember.

The texts went back to Christmas day, and the most recent were from New Year's Day.

        Dec 25, 2019

        Matt: Hey shiro

        Matt: Merry christmas

        Matt: Bae bae also says happy holidays

        Jan 1, 2020

        Matt: Happy New Year

Shiro smiled slightly as he read over the texts, then frowned as he thought about what Matt might be thinking. Did he believe Shiro was upset with him? After not responding to a single text in over a week and being so cold when they parted on Christmas Eve, there was no way Matt wouldn't think something was wrong.

The thought of Matt being angry with him sent a chill down Shiro's spine, and he quickly pulled up his keyboard and began typing out a message.

        Shiro: Sorry I haven't responded, something came up. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, even though it's a bit late

Shiro tapped power button on his phone and let it drop on his chest. He was tired, but also oddly energized. Part of him wanted to move, but he didn't quite know what to do. It was a bit late to go out for a run, and he didn't feel like he had the mental energy to take his usual route. His workout equipment was all packed away in a closet and would take too much time to get out and set up.

Shiro lifted a hand to scrub at his face, then ran it through his tuft of white hair and over the top of his head. He paused. Right. His hair was still as long and overgrown as he'd noticed earlier. He'd thought about stopping at a stylist after his session but had completely forgotten by the time he left the office.

With a frown, Shiro picked his phone back up and opened google.

"What stylists are still open?" he mumbled to himself.

Chapter Text

The familiar sight of despairing students filled Shiro's vision as he stepped out of his dorm at his university. The sidewalks that had been bare the day before when Shiro arrived back at school to move into his dorm were flooded with students headed to their early classes.

Shiro suppressed a yawn as he locked his door behind him and headed for the stairs on his way to his aviation class. His new schedule was similar to the last semester; aviation was Monday, Wednesday, and Friday mornings, per usual. His mechanics class had been replaced with a new aeronautics class focused on the design of aircraft that had just been added to the aviation curriculum that semester. The aeronautics class was Monday and Friday evenings just as mechanics had been, but it ran three hours instead of two. Lastly was the class Shiro dreaded the most: math. He'd fulfilled all previous math requirements, but along with the new aeronautics class came the requirement for an advanced algebra/pre-calc class tailored to the content airplane designers and engineers were required to learn. Shiro's university held a firm belief that every pilot should understand how a plane worked before they stepped foot in it, and thus all aviation students were required to take the class, not just the aviation design and engineering students.

A sigh escaped Shiro and he shook his head when he neared the aviation building. His classes were harder than last semester, and Najenda had asked that he find time to visit every week to keep a steady and consistent schedule of appointments. That meant every week he'd have a tight schedule and less time to go to the gym and de-stress. That easily made the new semester the most difficult load he had given himself in his entire college career, but he'd felt so okay the previous semester when he signed up that he had no worries about handling all the work. Anymore, though… He could only hope that he could keep it together.

Shiro walked into his aviation classroom and nearly collided with Sam, who was about to exit the room. Both froze at the last moment, then side-stepped around each other.

"Oh, sorry, sir," Shiro apologized, a tight smile forming on his lips.

Sam shook his head and waved his hands dismissively. "No, it's okay. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going," he admitted. "It's nice to see you, though. I thought Matt might invite you over during the break, but it looks like that didn't happen."

An icy flower bloomed in Shiro's chest and sent chilly tendrils through his limbs as guilt squeezed him in a vice-like grip. "That's my fault, actually. We were both a bit busy after classes got out, then I had some stuff to take care of at home during the last few weeks. Matt texted me a few times, but I completely missed all his messages," he stated vaguely, rubbing the back of his neck. Shiro paused, his gaze on the ground, then he looked up at Sam nervously. "He's not mad about that, is he?"

Sam frowned, shaking his head. "Of course not. I mean, when I asked him about you last week he seemed a little, I don't know, off when he said you were busy? He's never really had any good friends to go out with, so he was probably just upset that he didn't have anyone to go out with, but he wasn't mad at all," the man assured. "Actually, he was going to hang around here to try to catch you before he had to go to class, but Professor Rift needed to borrow him at the IT Center, so he left."

"He has a morning class on Mondays this semester?"

Sam nodded. "Differential equations from nine to noon, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday."

Shiro nearly choked on air. "Differential equations?" He frowned. He honestly wasn't completely sure what that was- besides really fucking hard math -but felt too embarrassed to admit it.

"That's what I said," Sam agreed. "Him and Katie both… Their mother is a brilliant woman, and I'm not too shabby myself, but I have no idea where they got their brains from! Sure, I can do calculus just fine, but I didn't learn it until I was twenty-five! Matt's barely twenty and Katie isn't even old enough to drive, but they both can solve problems quicker than I can," Sam said with a chuckle.

"I don't think I could solve a calculus problem if someone walked me through it," Shiro admitted.

"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself, Shiro," Sam said. "You're a smart guy, and even if you struggle with math, you're an excellent pilot. Everyone has their strong points and their weak points. It's nothing to beat yourself up over."

Shiro smiled. "Thank you, sir." He glanced to the side as another student started down the hallway toward the classroom, then gave Sam a nod before heading toward his seat. He quietly dropped down into the uncomfortable plastic chair and pulled out his phone. He hadn't glanced at it all morning despite wanting to ask Matt about his schedule for the new semester, too worried that Matt might be upset with him for not responding to his texts over half of the break, but Sam's words had been reassuring enough to ease Shiro's anxiety.

Shiro: I heard you're taking differential equations this semester?

Shiro: I thought you were too tired from calculus to take a class that's even harder

A response came before Shiro could put down his phone.

Matt: I was thinking abt it but decided id be bored

Matt: Need motivation to get hit by a campus bus

Shiro nearly snorted.

Shiro: Maybe don't get hit by a campus bus

Shiro: You'll miss class and end up behind

Matt: :0

Matt: Aw shit ur rIGHT

Matt: fUKSNDKNN

Matt: Wait I can just get hit Friday night 0-0

Matt: Ill have two days until my next class

Matt: Enough time to wake up from my coma

Shiro: What if you don't wake up in two days and still miss class

Matt:

Matt: Y u doing this to me

Matt: LET ME HAVE THIS SHIRO

Matt: I CAN DREAM

Shiro: You better dream that your dad won't walk back into the classroom and see your messages over my shoulder

Matt: noOOO

Matt: Hide the evidence

Matt: Or next time ur phone breaks ill make sure it STAYS broken

Shiro: Ouch

Shiro: Rude

Matt: A nerd gotta do what he gotta do 3

Shiro: Remember that next time you want help carrying something heavy

Matt: :P

Shiro:

Shiro: Hey look your dad just walked back into the classroom

Matt: sHIT

Shiro smothered a chuckle and glanced up at the empty doorway. Sam hadn't returned, but it was nearly time for class to start. While Shiro didn't want to stop texting Matt, he needed to end the conversation before class began.

Shiro: I'm kidding, but my class starts soon

Shiro: I gotta go

Matt: Evil

Matt: ttyl meanie :P

Shiro: :P

Shiro silenced his phone and slipped it into his pocket just as Instructor Con and Sam walked into the classroom. The rest of the seats had filled up while Shiro was on his phone, and now that he had lost his distraction from the outside world, the sound of tired chatter from the other students filled his ears with an annoying buzz.

At the front of the room, Con clapped his hands together loudly to draw the class's attention. The room silenced immediately.

"Good morning, and welcome to the new semester. I don't see any new faces here, so you should all know what I expect from you this semester, both in the classroom and in the air…."

Shiro wasn't one to ignore a teacher, but he couldn't quite focus on Con's voice as the man spoke. He did his best to sit up and watch intently so he would appear as if he was listening, but Con's words disappeared before they reached Shiro's ears. Was he tired? Was he bored? Shiro wasn't sure what the cause was, but he suddenly felt as if his energy had been drained from his body. His head was heavy, and tremors started in his hands. The tremors were slight at first, but they started to grow worse and worse the more Shiro thought about them, and he couldn't get them out of his mind. Eventually he discreetly pulled his hands off the desk and clasped them in his lap under the table so no one could see them shaking.

A moment later, a wave of heat suddenly struck Shiro. It wasn't scalding, but it was just intense enough to make his blood feel like it was boiling beneath his skin. The heat brought discomfort to his lower back, and it felt as if a ball of energy had begun brewing beneath his skin. Suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to move. He wanted to get up, run, twist, and turn until the itching ball of energy went away, but he could only try not to twitch as it intensified.

It took Shiro a moment to realize Con had finished speaking. The rest of the class was gathering their things and getting to their feet. Right. It was the first day of the semester. That meant it was time to do the flight simulator. That was probably where everyone was headed.

Slowly Shiro reached for his bag. He zipped the top and lifted the bag onto his desk before moving to stand; he almost didn't make it to his feet. His legs weren't numb, but they had no strength. They felt heavy and empty like limp noodles straining to hold him up. The skin on his face felt tight as if it had shrunk and was stretched over his skull. His face felt hot, then cold, then hot again, the feeling starting to spread around his entire head. He blinked a few times, his eyes on the ground and one had planted firmly on his desk to hold him up as he willed away the wave of dizziness that washed over him, swelling and fading, then swelling again. His vision was grey at the edges and… green? Why was everything green? It was as if the world had been tinted the color of peas.

"Shiro?"

Shiro saw feet on the ground near him. He raised his head to look at whoever was standing next to him, but the simple motion robbed him of his sight entirely. He blinked once, then twice, then again and again and again until slowly a face came into view.

Sam looked at Shiro with his lips turned down in a frown and his brow furrowed in concern. He'd been standing near Instructor Con as the man explained what the class would be doing in the new semester when he'd noticed a blank look in Shiro's eyes. At first, he'd thought the younger man was spaced out, maybe because he was tired, but then it struck him that something didn't look right. Shiro's tan face had gone pale, and there was no color in his lips. Shiro's hands, which usually rested on the table in front of him, were out of sight.

When Con had called for the class to gather their things and head to the simulator room, Shiro hadn't moved. He'd stared blankly in Con's direction for a moment, then blinked and slowly reached for his bag. Sam had watched Shiro stand, and the moment he'd caught a tremor in the young man's legs, he'd grabbed Con's shoulder to get the man's attention.

"I think Shiro isn't feeling well," Sam had muttered low enough that only Con could hear.

Con had glanced from Sam to Shiro, then back at Sam before nodding.

Sam had returned the nod, then let go of Con's shoulder as the man continued toward the door to lead the students out. Sam himself had walked further into the classroom toward Shiro, who had paused next to his desk with his eyes on the floor.

When Sam had called out to Shiro, he was met with a blank stare before Shiro blinked, his pupils shifting in his irises.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked.

Shiro nodded numbly but said nothing. He slung his bag over his shoulder and took a step past Sam on his way to the door, but his leg folded mid-step. One of Sam's arms flew out straight like a metal rod and caught Shiro before he could crumble, holding the young man steady as he planted his feet beneath himself.

"Sorry," Shiro said, his voice low and raspy as he raised a hand to scrub at his face. Neither commented on how quickly he leaned away from Sam's arm despite his unstable state.

"Why don't you sit back down for now?" Sam encouraged, glancing back at Shiro's seat. It was within reach, only a few paces away.

"The simulator-" Shiro began.

"Don't worry about the simulator. You can always come in for the pre-assessment at another time," Sam interrupted. "If you aren't well, you need to rest."

Shiro shook his head. "I can't stay here. There might be another class later."

Sam pressed his lips together in a firm line. The next class wouldn't arrive for another four and a half hours at least, but there was an electrician due to arrive in the next half hour to fix damaged lines in the ceiling that hadn't been dealt with during the break. The room was to be clear so the electrician could work freely, and no students could be hurt by loose tools or live lines.

"My office is just down the hall. You can stay in there as long as you need," Sam offered. He meant to be gentle, though his insistence made his voice slip into a commanding tone, the one he had used back when he was leading units as Commander Samuel Holt.

"Yes, sir." Sam didn't know that Shiro was an ex-soldier but didn't ask questions when Shiro responded like one. Instead he walked out of the room with a light hand on Shiro's back and a careful eye watching in case he stumbled again.

The walk to Sam's office wasn't far, but it felt like miles to Shiro. His heart was pounding as if he'd just run a marathon, and his legs were so heavy that he was almost shuffling the whole way there. By the time they reached the office, the merciless waves of heat and cold left Shiro shivering and sweating simultaneously, though Sam said nothing about it.

Sam unlocked the office door and ushered Shiro inside. He started toward the chair behind the desk, but Shiro beelined for the wall. He leaned on it heavily, then sank to his knees and sat down heavily in the corner. Sam frowned.

"You can sit in the chair. The floor isn't exactly comfortable," Sam pointed out.

Shiro shook his head. "It's okay. You've already helped me enough, and I don't want to be in your way."

"You wouldn't be in the way," Sam assured, though Shiro didn't budge. The young man was exhausted and struggled pathetically as he pulled his backpack off his shoulder and set it in his lap. Shiro folded his arms on top of the bag and let his head drop on them as he pulled his legs up close to his chest, packing himself up as small as he could. Sam could see his back heaving against the wall as Shiro fought for deep breaths.

Still frowning, Sam stepped out of the room and walked quickly to the small vending area down the hall. He bought bottled water from one of the machines, then returned to his office and knelt next to Shiro.

"I have to go help Con with the simulator, but I can come back if you need anything. Just call," Sam said. He set the water bottle at Shiro's side. "Drink some water and stay as long as you need."

Shiro nodded but didn't look up. A muffled "sorry" reached Sam's ears, but he said nothing. He didn't need an apology from someone who had done nothing wrong.

Sam got to his feet and crossed the room, pausing at the door to look back at Shiro one more time before he stepped out, careful to leave the door unlocked.

-000-

Matt wasn't sure whether he was happy or worried that his first differential equations class ended early. The professor handled out the syllabus, answered questions, then passed out a series of homework problems she called a "pre-test". The students were to attempt all the questions and turn them in on Wednesday. They would then do the same sheet again in the middle of the semester, and the end of the semester. That way, the professor could monitor the class's progress and make sure they were actually learning.

There was nothing else the professor asked them to do, instead dismissing the class early, though she allowed anyone who wanted to stay in the room to work on the problems to do so until the scheduled end of class at noon. After that, another class would need the room, so they'd have to leave.

Of the fifty students in the room, less than a dozen stayed to work. Matt was one of them, though as he rummaged through his bag for his calculator, he found nothing. He frowned and checked every pocket, though still ended up empty-handed.

Matt resisted the urge to smack himself when he remembered what he'd done. He'd been using the calculator the previous day when he'd come to the university with his father. He'd gone in to help clean up Sam's office, then waited there when his dad had a meeting with the other aviation staff. Matt had been brushing up on his calculus skills in preparation for differential equations, but eventually got bored and started playing on his phone instead. He'd forgotten about the calculator and left it in the office.

Frowning, Matt gathered his things and left the classroom. Once outside, he slipped his phone from his pocket and sent a text to his father.

Matt: Hey dad where r u

Matt: I need the keys to ur office

Matt: Left my calculator there yesterday

Matt turned his phone off and made his way out of the math and science building before starting toward the aviation campus. Two minutes into his walk, his phone vibrated in his hand.

Dad: I'm working with students in the flight simulator right now

Dad: But my office it unlocked

Dad: Shiro wasn't feeling well in class so I let him in there to sit and rest until he feels better. Try not to be too noisy when you go in

Matt: Really?

Matt: K

Matt frowned as he slid his phone back into his pocket. Shiro was sick? In what way? Sam hadn't specified exactly what kind of sick Shiro was, and a wave of worry made Matt nauseous. Had Shiro caught a cold or was he still struggling with the things that had pulled him into the depths of his mind for weeks during the break? What could Matt do? Should he call Keith? Was something else wrong?

Questions and apprehension swirled in Matt's brain throughout the rest of his walk. He couldn't push aside his darkening thoughts as he made his way to the aviation building and to his father's office. He paused outside the door with his hand hovering over the handle, unsure of whether or not he wanted to enter, but ultimately went through with it. If he didn't at least get his calculator, Sam would ask why, and Matt wasn't sure what excuse he'd make. Besides, while he didn't know what to say to Shiro, he was done avoiding the issue as if it didn't exist. He wouldn't prod if the subject didn't come up, but if Shiro needed help, Matt was prepared to give it.

Slowly Matt pushed open the office door and slipped inside. He silently shut the door behind him and scanned the office. At first, he almost didn't see Shiro, not recognizing the sleeping hunched figure in the corner of the room as his typically strong, looming friend.

Matt pulled his gaze from Shiro and made his way to the desk, searching it until he found his calculator. He slipped the device into his bag, cringing at the loud sound of his backpack zipper in the silent room. His gaze flicked to Shiro as he rezipped his bag, but the man didn't so much as flinch.

While he intended to get in and get out of the office without bothering Shiro, something in Matt wanted to stay. His eyes were glued to his friend, and he couldn't look away. Matt had thought he'd seen Shiro relaxed before, but it took him only a moment to realize he had been wrong. Shiro's shoulders were slumped in a way that seemed unnatural; they lacked the usual tension that kept them squared. One of his gloved hands dangled limply off his folded arms which obscured half his face, though what Matt could see of Shiro's face looked almost…younger? There was something missing, some kind of alertness that usually stiffened Shiro's face even when he smiled or laughed. Whatever it was, it had made Shiro look his age. Without it, though, even with the white tuft of hair over his forehead and the scar stretched over his nose, Shiro looked closer to Matt's age than his own. Maybe twenty-one or twenty-two instead of twenty-five.

A twinge of sadness struck Matt's heart as he thought back to his phone call with Keith. Shiro was a veteran who had lost almost everyone close to him. He'd dealt with struggles similar to what Matt had watched Sam go through and had been through things Matt could only imagine. Was it that which had aged him? Was his white and grey hair a remnant of something he wanted to forget?

Matt didn't realize he was staring, lost in thought, until Shiro moved. The sight made Matt blink as he noticed he had knelt at Shiro's side at some point during his observations. It was too late to stand; he could only watch as Shiro's eyes blinked open and the other man raised his head, slowly meeting Matt's gaze.

"Hey," Matt greeted with a small smile.

Shiro inhaled deeply, raising a hand to scrub at his face before he looked back at Matt and returned the smile. "Hey."

"I was just stopping by to grab my calculator from my dad's desk, but he said you were sick," Matt explained. He tipped his head to the side as his eyebrows furrowed. "Are you okay?"

Shiro nodded, straightening his back as he ran a gloved hand through his hair. "I'm not sure what happened, but I suddenly got really dizzy and tired. I could barely stand."

Matt bit his lip. "Did you catch a cold? Or maybe you caught something from someone when you came back to school."

"That might be it," Shiro lied. A cold left him coughing and sneezing. It was stress that turned his legs to jelly and drained him of his energy.

Instead of saying anything else, Shiro sighed and moved to stand. Matt rose and shuffled backwards with his hands hovering in front of him as if he was planning to catch Shiro if he fell.

Somehow, Shiro got to his feet successfully. He wasn't as dizzy as before, and while his legs were still tired, they weren't too weak to hold him. Shiro slowly reached down for the half-empty water bottle next to his feet, unscrewed the cap, and took another drink. The water wasn't as cold as it had been when Sam left, but it still felt refreshing.

"Are you sure you don't need to rest longer? My dad won't mind…" Matt trailed off.

Shiro shook his head. "No, I'm okay now. I feel a lot better already," he assured before frowning. "Aren't you supposed to be in class right now?" he asked.

Matt hummed. "Yeah, but we got let out with a homework sheet after half an hour. I was kind of disappointed, actually."

"Wow," Shiro said with raised eyebrows. "Well, I need to go to the flight simulator. Your dad said I could do it at another time, but I don't want to bother him or Instructor Con." He paused, looking at Matt and raising a hand to rub the back of his neck. "So, do you have somewhere you need to be, or do you want to go with me? The simulations usually take pretty long, so I'll be doing a lot of waiting without anything to do," he offered. "We didn't see much of each other during the last few weeks, so we could use the time to catch up."

Matt smiled and nodded. While the forbidden knowledge in the back of his mind left him uneasy, Shiro was his friend, and they hadn't had a chance to talk face-to-face in weeks.

Shiro returned the smile once again, though it was tight and felt strange on his lips. It seemed that the past two weeks had caught up to him all at once, leaving him exhausted. If today was so bad that he could hardly walk, how would the next day be? The one after that? It worried him that his relapse might be more serious than he expected, even with Najenda's help. It worried him that he might become a burden on others again when he was trying so hard not to be. He was finally starting to feel better mentally only to stumble physically. Hopefully his fatigue wouldn't last long.

Making a mental note to thank Sam later, Shiro took a few cautious steps away from his corner, then he and Matt left the office, locking the handle of the door behind them.

Chapter Text

Tuesday morning Shiro found himself back in Najenda's office. He didn't have class that day, nor did he have much homework yet, and after calling her office he found that she had an opening in her schedule when he could come in.

"Welcome back, Shiro. How was your first day of school?" Najenda asked as she settled in her chair with her pen poised over her notepad.

"It could have gone better," Shiro admitted.

Najenda frowned. "How so? Did one of your classes turn out to be more difficult than you expected?"

"Uh, no, not yet. The classes aren't too bad. I was just sick yesterday is all."

"What were your symptoms?"

"Uh… dizziness, weakness, nausea…"

"Hot and cold flashes?"

"Yeah."

Najenda nodded. "That's a common result of stress for some people. I don't think it's too much to worry about, especially if you are feeling better today, but make sure you take it easy so it doesn't happen again," she recommended.

"Thankfully I was in the class my friend's dad teaches when it happened, and he let me wait it out in his office since it was close to the classroom," Shiro explained.

Najenda scribbled something on her notepad, then looked back up at Shiro. "Speaking of your friend, did you see him after going back to school?"

"I did, actually. He came by his dad's office while I was in there and we ended up talking for a bit."

"Did you bring up what's been on your mind recently?"

Shiro paused, his hands clenching in his lap. His eyes went to the floor.

Matt and Shiro quietly descended the staircase leading to the flight simulator room. They stopped at the bottom and scanned the small group of students still waiting to do their tests. Shiro was the first to find Sam within the group as the man watched the student in the simulator fly through the small monitor outside the room.

As if he had eyes in the back of his head, Sam turned to face Shiro after only a moment of waiting. A smile crossed the older man's face.

"Shiro," Sam greeted, "are you feeling better?"

Shiro returned Sam's smile with a nod. "Yes, sir. Thanks for letting me rest in your office for a while. I was hoping I could make it to the simulator before the rest of the class finished, and it looks like I made it just in time."

"Wait, wait," Matt interrupted. "Haven't you been here for, like, five hours? How long does this take?".

Sam and Shiro laughed as Sam set a hand on his son's shoulders. "You have much to learn, young Jedi."

Matt stepped away from Sam with his eyes narrowed in distrust. "This is not Star Wars. Not even close," he whispered. 

The simulator beeped to signal that the student inside had finished, and Sam glanced at the monitor behind him before looking back at Shiro and Matt. "I have to help Con get the next student started. We'll be able to get you in soon, Shiro. And stick around if you'd like as long as you don't have anywhere to be, Matt."

The two nodded as Sam turned away and walked into the simulator room.

"Sooooo," Matt began, glancing at Shiro. "You do anything during the break?"

Shiro fought the urge to tense up as he thought about the past few weeks. He was doing much better, but his current state did nothing to lessen the cold feeling that flooded his chest as he thought back to what he had so recently been.

"Mm, nothing really," Shiro fibbed after a pause. He didn't look at Matt, afraid that his eyes might give him away.

"It's okay if you don't feel ready to open up to him, but make sure you aren't pushing him away. You shouldn't isolate yourself, especially when you're struggling as you are right now."

"I know." Shiro sighed. "He's a kind person and I doubt he'd be, like, mad or anything. I mean, his dad is a veteran too, so it's not like he'd think any less of me for that. I just like how he doesn't, y'know, pity me. The few people who know all seem, different, I guess? Keith walks on egg shells when I'm on edge, and the McClains- they're such great people who treat Keith and I like family and I respect them so much, but I wish they wouldn't be so….. I don't know. I understand that they want to help, but I don't like when I'm struggling and they have this look in their eyes like I'm a charity case or something. And everyone is always so hesitant to ask me big favors or have expectations for me because they're afraid I won't be able to handle it. Matt isn't like that, and I don't want that to change."

"Can you describe to me exactly how Matt seems to see you? How does he treat you?" Najenda asked, her brow furrowed as she wrote something down. "How does he differ from the other people in your life?"

"Uh, he just treats me, normal, I guess? He's a lot more willing to depend on me than Keith or the McClains. Like, last semester, he ran into a guy he had trouble with in high school. He didn't want to tell me anything at first, but it was because he didn't want to drag anyone into the issue, not just me specifically. He didn't even tell his parents."

"What was the issue?"

"This guy, Quinn, used to bully him for being gay. I guess Quinn had a thing for slurs and verbal abuse, but he didn't stop there. He'd hit him, too, and one day Quinn pushed Matt down the stairs and landed him in the hospital, not that Quinn cared. He probably would have been glad if Matt died, especially since their high school let him get away with everything."

"And what happened when Matt and Quinn met again last semester?"

"Quinn kept bothering him and trying to confront him. Matt did everything he could to stay away at first, and he was constantly anxious about possibly running into Quinn. I taught him a little bit of self defense after I found out that Quinn used to beat him up, which was good since their confrontations got physical after Matt started to get fed up with Quinn stalking him. I was with Matt one time, and even though I'm a big guy and I know how to fight, Quinn had enough people with him that even I got knocked around pretty good."

"Was the issue resolved?"

"Yeah. One of the fights was caught on camera and seen by the security guards. Quinn ended up getting arrested."

Najenda nodded. "So Matt asked you for help in this situation?"

Shiro rubbed his neck. "Not a first, since, like I said, he was trying to deal with everything himself. But when I offered to help, he let me. I don't think many other people would have done that. Especially since dealing with Quinn ended up including physical violence, which everyone else close to me always wants to keep as far from me as possible. I mean, that's good, since I really don't like fighting, but I'm not afraid to take a punch and throw one back if it will keep someone safe."

"I see. So, this incident with Quinn… Does the fact that it occurred recently make you hesitant to bring up your own struggles when talking to Matt?"

Shiro stiffened, then his shoulder slumped as he nodded. "Last semester was hard on Matt. Seeing him deal with Quinn was… weird, in a way. I felt horrible because he was so miserable, and after running into Quinn the last few times he'd have bruises and scrapes from fights. Just by looking at him I could tell he was exhausted, but he'd still try to smile when we were hanging out and talk as if his high school nightmare wasn't back with a vengeance. I felt bad, but I was also always so pissed every time I saw Quinn. For a while I almost thought I was going to lose control and attack Quinn when he wasn't even anywhere near Matt. I kept getting thrown back and forth between feeling bad for Matt and wanting pay Quinn back for everything myself. All it took was seeing a bruise on Matt's face, or his fingers starting to tremble when he saw Quinn and I'd just lose it."

Shiro was too caught up in his thoughts to notice Najenda's pen flying across her notepad. She was silent as she wrote, and only when she finally lifted her pen from the paper did she speak.

"And now you won't tell him about your own struggles because…" she prompted, trailing off.

"….I don't want to see him upset again," Shiro finished.

Silence overcame the room and stuck resiliently, interrupted only by the quiet scratch of Najenda's pen. It was a stark contrast to Shiro's thoughts, which seemed to be screaming so loudly in his head that his temples began to ache.

Najenda has little more to ask Shiro as she wrapped up the session and sent Shiro on his way, though her brow was furrowed in thought as if there was something she wasn't saying. Whatever she might have been keeping didn't matter to Shiro, though. He had a lot to think about – too much.

The world was a blur as Shiro left the clinic and returned to his dorm. Before he knew it, he was in his bedroom peeling off his gloves and coat. He let himself tip backwards and fall gracelessly on his bed. His body bounced slightly on the springy mattress as he stared at the ceiling and contemplated.

Clearly, he wasn't okay. He was better than he'd been for the latter half of the winter break, but his current state wasn't quite good. It wasn't even fine.

"You shouldn't isolate yourself, especially when you're struggling as you are right now."

Najenda's words echoed in Shiro's mind. She was right. The last thing he needed to do was push Matt away. He had few people in his life to count on. He had lost too much to give up on what he had left, especially when what he had left was someone so kind.

But what if learning about Shiro's past made Matt upset? What if it made his chest ache the same way Shiro's had when Matt told him about Quinn? That was a possibility, but at the same time, what if the opposite happened? What if Shiro kept everything from Matt and, the day Matt inevitably found the truth, he was upset that Shiro didn't talk to him about it? What if Matt thought Shiro didn't trust him enough to tell him?

Shiro remembered the unease that had struck him when he found that Matt had been hiding Quinn from him. He remembered the guilt that had swept over him when he realized Matt had been suffering alone, and oblivious to that suffering, Shiro had done nothing to help. He hadn't known, but that didn't change the fact that Matt had been struggling by himself. How would Matt feel now that the tables were turned? Would he feel guilty as Shiro had? Betrayed? Angry?

There was too much happening, too much for Shiro to think about. His whirlwind of thoughts felt like it was twisting and flying erratically through his mind, colliding so painfully with his skull that his head ached.

It was only the afternoon, but suddenly Shiro felt exhausted. His eyelids were too heavy to keep open, so he let them slide closed. He waited as his body relaxed and his mind cleared, allowing him to sleep away the doubts and worries fighting back and forth in his mind.

-000-

Matt had felt the faint buzz of his phone in his pocket during class but didn't dare remove it from his pocket. Professor Rift was a kind teacher, but he was strictly against phone usage during class unless it was related to the assignment. Seeing as the man was both Matt's teacher and his boss, Matt didn't want to risk upsetting him.

When the class was released at noon, Matt slipped into the hallway and dug his phone out of his pocket. Who would call him during class? His parents, Shiro, and Professor Rift were the only people who ever called, but Rift had been teaching the class and Shiro and Matt's family knew he would be unreachable until noon.

Matt expected a spam caller to show up in his history but was surprised to find the culprit to be one of his contacts. Frowning, Matt clicked Keith's number and waited for the other teen to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey Keith, it's Matt. Did you call earlier? I was in class so I couldn't answer," Matt explained.

"Oh, yeah, that was me." Keith paused. "I was just wondering if you've seen Shiro since he got back to school. He seemed a lot better after going to his first appointment with the therapist you recommended, but I wanted to make sure he was actually doing okay and wasn't just pretending in front of me."

Matt hummed. "I saw him yesterday, actually. I guess he got really sick during class, so he was resting in my dad's office for a few hours. I saw him when I went there to get something, but he seemed fine after that. We just kinda talked about whatever while he waited to do the flight simulator."

"Did he say anything to you?"

Matt couldn't suppress the urge to glance at Shiro, who's eyes were on the blank monitor outside the simulator room. 'Mm, nothing really.' Before, Matt would have believed Shiro's words without a moment of doubt. However, after that fateful conversation with Keith not too long ago, he knew better. He knew the winter break had been significant for Shiro in a bad way. Despite that, he didn't dare speak up. While he knew better than to believe everything was fine, he also knew better than to bring up the truth. In the first place, Shiro thought he knew nothing, and would undoubtably feel hurt if he knew that Keith had given away his secrets, accident or not. Secondly, accusing Shiro would do no good to either of them. Neither of them wanted to fight. It would make Shiro feel worse, and when the time came that he needed someone to lean on, he would no longer see Matt as a trusted friend he could turn to.

"Matt?"

Matt blinked at the sound of his name, and Shiro's face came into focus. The aviation student was watching him with a look of concern.

"Are you okay?" Shiro asked.

Matt waved his hands dismissively as he shook the thoughts from his head. "Yeah, I'm good. I'm not used to getting up early for classes again, so I'm fuckin tired as hell." Not a lie. He was tired. That wasn't the reason he'd been staring, though, and he knew it.

"Not about seeing Ms. Kek or what was happening during the winter break, no." Matt chewed is lip. "Is he okay though? Shiro? When he was sick yesterday… I asked my dad about it, and he said Shiro really wasn't looking good for a while."

"He should be okay," Keith assured. "He tends to run himself ragged when he's stressed, then once he gets a little downtime, he'll crash and get sick. It's happened a few times before, so he should be fine as long as it doesn't happen frequently."

"Okay, good. Thanks."

Someone walking by bumped Matt's shoulder, and he fumbled his phone. Matt sent a glare at the other student, then raised his phone back to his ear and started down the hallway for somewhere more private.

"Matt."

"Hm?" Matt raised his eyebrows as he stepped into a study room that branched off from the hallway.

"Are you holding up okay?"

Matt frowned. "Yeah, of course."

"Good. I was just wondering, because, well…" Keith paused. "Shiro doesn't like to think about it, but whenever he hits a low, it's always taken a toll on me, too. I worry a lot, maybe even too much, but he's all I have. I can't help it."

"That's okay. I hope you at least take a little time for yourself, though."

"Yeah, you too. Even if Shiro gets really bad again, make sure you look after yourself too and not just him. It isn't always easy to try not to focus 100% of your energy on someone you care about when they're hurting, but it'll only make both of you feel worse if you run yourself into the ground. These past few weeks, even, Shiro always had this look on his face whenever he saw me. I felt bad, because it isn't his fault that he's struggling and I don't want him to feel guilty, but I also can't just step away."

Matt nodded even though Keith couldn't see him. "I understand," he said. "Shiro talks about you like you're the world, and if your situations were reversed, I think he'd do the same things you do. I know I've only known him for a few months, but he isn't the kind of person who will turn his back on someone."

"Yeah. He's already put up with all the trouble I've gotten into in the past."

A smile crossed Matt's face. "I haven't exactly been the quiet one either."

"Are you talking about what happened last semester?"

"…Yeah." Keith paused. "Shiro didn't tell me much, just so you know. He said it wasn't his place when I asked him why he had bruises when he came home. I'd gotten worried that he might've had a bad episode at school that he wasn't telling me about. He only told me he'd helped a friend who was dealing with someone dangerous. He actually didn't mention you by name, but I know you're the only person at school who he considers a 'friend'. Well, he's friends with your dad too, I guess, but he only ever refers to him formally. You're the only one he calls a 'friend'."

A flash of warmth blossomed in Matt's chest. "It's fine. I don't mind if you know about what happened."

"Oh, well, I don't know much, anyway."

"It was just a guy I had problems with in high school. He ended up pushing me down a flight of stairs at the school and got away with it, and when I ran into him on the college campus, I was afraid he might try to do something worse. Shiro taught me a bit of self-defense and helped me out when Qu- er -the guy came after me."

"Oh." Keith went silent for a moment. "Why did that guy go so far? I mean, bullying is bad enough, but that's basically attempted murder."

"He was pissed because, after ages of him bullying me for being gay, I got back at him."

"That…sucks. The bullying thing, not the gay thing."

"I figured that's what you meant."

"Yeah. I mean, I'm gay too, so I'd hope I don't have any problems with gay people." Keith paused. "Except that I hardly know any others. Most of the guys I know are straight."

"Not Shiro. Or me."

"Yeah. My friend Lance is bi, too. But that's only, what, three people?"

"Three is better than none."

"True."

There was a long silence as neither teen knew what to say next, and eventually it grew too long for Matt to handle. "Well, I have to go, but feel free to call or text me whenever. As long as I'm not in class, I'll get back to you. I'll keep an eye on Shiro, too, and let you know if anything happens."

"Yeah, okay, thanks."

"I'll talk to you later, Keith."

"Bye, Matt."

The line went dead, and Matt let another smile split his face. It was strange, since he'd never actually met Keith is person, but he felt like he'd made another friend. Maybe it didn't really count, since Keith was Shiro's brother and they were both just trying to look after him, but for the moment, that was enough.

Sliding his phone back into his pocket, Matt left the study room and began his walk to the IT Center for his upcoming shift.

Chapter Text

Following the disaster that had been the first day back at school, life started to get better for Shiro. It wasn’t as if his problems suddenly up and disappeared, and the change wasn’t a sudden one, but somehow Shiro was starting to feel lighter. It was a welcome change from the dreary pit he’d been stuck in for nearly a month, though the fact that Shiro didn’t know the cause made him worry. Was this a temporary escape that would only shove him lower than before when it was over? Was he sick? Did his brain suddenly decide the past didn’t matter anymore? There were too many questions and not enough answers, so Shiro turned to the one person who could help him.

“So, you’ve been feeling better lately?” Najenda asked.

Shiro nodded with a troubled expression. “I know I should be glad, but I just don’t know why I’m feeling better. When I think about what’s been bothering me, it makes me feel awful just like it always did. But, for some reason I just….seem to forget about it? Well, not really forget. It’s more like my brain just moves on to something else.”

“When exactly did this change begin?”

“I noticed it during my first week back at school. The first day was horrible, but after was different. I don’t really know how to explain it. I guess… I just woke up feeling fine? It’s like I’d had weights on my shoulders before then that were suddenly starting to get lighter each day.”

“Have you experienced anything like this before?”

Shiro frowned and picked at his gloves. “It’s not always that bad, but I always start feeling worse during the middle of summer. And the middle of winter. I thought maybe it had something to do with when some of the, uh, stuff I went through happened, like maybe I associated those times of the year with bad things that happened during those times, but nothing awful happened to me mid-summer. Winter was a little rough, so I get that, but I don’t know why summer bothers me too.”

“Are you okay at school?”

“Usually, yeah. Sometimes something happens that ruins my day, or maybe even a whole week if it’s too bad, but usually I’m fine.”

Najenda set her pen down and took a deep breath. She fixed her gaze on Shiro as a serious look overtook her face. “Based on what you described, I don’t think association is the issue.” Najenda paused to give Shiro a moment to digest her words. “You said mid-summer and mid-winter are typically your lowest points, though you’re fine at school, correct?”

Shiro nodded.

“Do you usually work a summer job?”

“I usually try to, but I won’t if something comes up.”

“What kind of job do you do?”

“Uh, basic stuff. I stocked shelves at a grocery store one summer, and I was a janitor for another.”

Najenda bobbed her head. “I think the reason for the, for lack of a better word, fluctuations you experience, is distraction. You’re busy during school, right? Classes, homework, checking up on your brother, assisting your professors…” her list trailed off.

“Usually I’m pretty busy, yeah. I don’t really like being idle, so if I have free time I’ll usually watch a movie or go to the gym,” Shiro explained.

“That’s the case for a lot of people, sometimes intentionally, sometimes not. They have a mountain of work to do, or work that they can do just to keep themselves in motion instead of sitting down with their thoughts. For some, it’s a matter of trying to get as much done in the shortest period of time as possible. For others, though, it’s all about distracting their self from something,” Najenda explained.

Shiro frowned. “Well, it isn’t something I do because I feel like I have to. I just don’t like being bored.”

"Distraction isn’t always a conscious decision,” Najenda countered. “There are those who are aware that they want to keep their mind off something, so they’ll search for anything that will keep them busy so they don’t have to think about what they’re avoiding. They’ll do anything and everything to put off that thought or task as long as they can. It’s procrastination, in a way, though it is a form that is often severe and driven by fear or anxiety. Others do the same thing, though they don’t realize they’re doing it.” She nodded at Shiro. “You fill your schedule with other things, so your mind never gets the chance to linger on what you have repressed unless you voluntarily go back to those thoughts. School leaves you with plenty to do to distract yourself, but during the summer and winter breaks you don’t have the school-related tasks you busy yourself with. Even when you have a summer job, the work you do doesn’t require you to think about it or continue it at home. When you aren’t at work, there is only so much you can do before you ultimately return to the thoughts you have been repressing. You linger on them without the distractions offered by school, and that extensive thinking about what troubles you allows them to overwhelm you. It’s something I’ve seen in a lot of patients, and depending on the patient and the cause of the issue, it is easier for some to overcome than others.”

Shiro had left Najenda’s office with a lot to think about. She had a point. The previous semester had been great, as Shiro had been distracted by a newfound friend and an urgent problem that required his full attention. He had no time to think about his past until after Quinn was taken care of and the semester was closing out. Then, during winter break, he’d had little to do, and darkness had claimed him. Now, he was back at school with plenty of work lined up for him, and he was starting to feel good again.

“It’s a very temporary and very dangerous solution to the underlying problem. There is only running, no meeting and coming to terms with what is bothering you. It is only a bandage over an infected wound to hide it from view instead of healing it, so it to festers until it’s too late.”

Those specific words had stuck with Shiro. While Najenda kept a firm air of professionalism about her, in that moment, Shiro felt she may have been speaking from experience rather than a textbook. Shiro was far from her first patient, and he wouldn’t be surprised if someone in a situation similar to his had come to see her with an infected wound that had rotted them completely. Someone for whom it had been ‘too late’. The thought made him shiver. While the calm that had come upon him was relieving, he knew it would leave him at some point and the storm would return with a vengeance. He could do his work and keep up with life, but he couldn’t bury his past anymore. For his sake, and for the sake of those around him, he had to confront his problems. He couldn’t risk waiting until it was too late. Shiro had seen it himself once, in the life of someone important to him. Someone who had put on a smile despite the agony within. The agony that had eventually become unbearable.

Shiro shook off the shivers that coursed down his spine again.

-000-

One week, two weeks, three, and another passed. Steadily, Shiro fell back into the stable state he’d been in during the previous semester. He kept seeing Najenda to uphold the promise he’d made to himself, to stop burying and repressing what he didn’t want to think about, but he also picked up old routines again. His homework was always done on time, his grades were high, he kept his hair tidy, and he went on jogs and to the gym as often as he could to get back into shape. He texted Matt in his spare time, and they met up as often as they could. Shiro smiles were genuine and lacked the tension that had so recently strained them.

Con watched Shiro from afar with a light feeling in his chest. He’d taught Shiro for over three years, and in all that time, Shiro had never stood as strong as he did in the new semester. It was nice to see the kind-hearted young man look truly content and calm. Con had high hopes for Shiro, and what he saw only made his belief in his student’s bright future stronger.

Sam also took notice of Shiro’s improvement. While he hadn’t known Shiro nearly as long as Con, after the scare on the first day, he’d taken to keeping a close eye on Shiro. It made Sam happy to see his student smiling and leading the class academically again.

Four weeks into the semester, Shiro had just gotten out of a meeting with Najenda when he got a text from Matt.

Matt: Want to meet up for lunch today?

Matt: I have the day off work

Shiro: Sure

Shiro: Want to meet at the cafeteria?

Matt: Hmmmm

Matt: Actually I wanna order pizza

Matt: Too much cafeteria food lately lol

Matt: Are you fine with pepperoni

Shiro: That’s fine

Shiro: How much is it?

Matt: Dw abt it

Shiro: Matt

Matt: :P

Shiro: Tell me

Matt: Nope

Matt: Want to meet at your dorm?

Shiro: That’s fine

Shiro: I’m running errands right now but I’ll be back soon

Matt: How long?

Shiro: Maybe twenty minutes?

Matt: See u then

Shiro: Okay

Shiro slid his phone into his pocket and hurried to his car. As long as traffic wasn’t bad, he could get back to his dorm quick enough that Matt wouldn’t have to wait for him. Shiro almost wished he had told Matt it would take him longer, but the opportunity to meet up had stolen his full attention. He and Matt had recently been texting frequently, but it wasn’t often that their schedules aligned. Shiro had more commitments this semester, and Matt had a heavier workload, so the two had little time to meet. If the chance arose for the two of them to talk in person instead of over text, they jumped at the chance and tended to overlook small complications.

Shiro tapped his fingers on his steering wheel impatiently on his way back to the university. He was careful not to surpass the speed limit, but he hardly dropped below it until he pulled into the parking lot in front of his dorm.

Despite Shiro’s rush, Matt was standing outside Shiro’s door by the time he arrived. Matt’s eyes were glued to his phone, though he glanced up and gave the older man a wave when Shiro climbed out of his car.

Shiro returned the wave, then jogged up the stairs toward Matt. “Hey,” Shiro greeted as he slid his keys in the door and fumbled with the lock. All locks had been replaced during the winter break due to a series of break-ins, though the new lock on Shiro’s door hardly seemed to work at all. Sometimes it took him a whole minute to get in, and other times the door refused to lock and nearly made him late to class. He’d contacted the university and asked for a replacement, but the school had yet to send someone out.

When the lock finally clicked, Shiro pushed the door open and stepped back to allow Matt in. The pair entered, and Shiro pulled the door shut behind them. They kicked off their shoes and Matt dropped his backpack by the door before taking off through the dorm.

“Euuuuuuuuruuuuuuus,” Matt called in a sing-songy voice as he prowled the dorm for Shiro’s cat. Almost immediately, the cat appeared from Shiro’s bedroom and ran to meet Matt. She weaved around his legs as he reached down to scratch her head.

“She’s too attached to you. After you come over, she always sits by the door and howls for at least an hour when you leave,” Shiro said. He may have been complaining, but there was no dismay in his tone or in the gentle smile on his face as he watched Matt and Eurus.

Matt giggled when Eurus rose up on her hind legs and pawed at his knees. His long hair was pulled back in a ponytail, though a few strands had fallen out and danced around his face. He was so focused on Eurus that he didn’t notice when Shiro slipped his phone out of his pocket and snapped a silent picture of the two.

“Alright, that’s enough for now,” Matt said as he gave Eurus a final scratch. “I’m hungry as shit and I need to order pizza before I eat my shirt.”

“Please don’t eat your shirt.”

“I’ll do whatever is necessary for survival.”

Shiro rolled his eyes in mock annoyance as Matt called the nearest pizza place that offered delivery. Matt rattled off an order, then glanced at Shiro. “What’s the address for this place?”

“Uh,” Shiro paused. “Just tell them it’s dorm 5 in the university’s Redwood building.” If he was being honest, Shiro wasn’t sure if his dorm had a proper address. All of his mail was sent to his house, and Keith texted him about anything urgent that came through.

“Mmk.” Matt returned to the phone call, and Shiro’s attention was stolen by Eurus when she gave up on Matt and went to Shiro for attention.

After another moment of talking, Matt hung up and turned to Shiro. “So,” he said. “What’ve you been up to?”

Shiro shrugged as he stroked Eurus’ back. “Nothing really. Same old stuff.” It was true. He’d kept a constant schedule throughout the past few weeks. He found the familiarity comfortable. “Just school. Errands. And I go to the gym when I can.”

Matt flexed his arms and scrunched up his face. “Getting’ swol.”

Shiro frowned. “What?”

                Matt stared at Shiro as if he believed his friend was joking, then sighed and rolled his eyes. “Y’know, like, buff. Ripped. Like Captain America.”

“I guess?”

Matt groaned. “You’re such a boomer.”

“A what?”

Matt froze, then slowly sat on the floor. He let himself fall onto his back before he rolled over onto his stomach so he was face-down on the floor. “You’re so young, but you’re such a boooooooomeeeer,” Matt whined. He tilted his head up and set his chin on the floor as he looked up to meet Shiro’s gaze. “I need to make you an account. On literally anything. Except Facebook. Facebook is all boomers. They should rebrand as Boomerbook.”

The bewildered and utterly lost look on Shiro’s face made Matt burst out into laughter. He rolled onto his back again, then tilted his head once more to look at Shiro. However, after a moment, his smile faded and his eyes narrowed. “I know you’re tall, but right now you looking really fucking tall. Like, Godzilla tall.”

“You’re not that much shorter than me,” Shiro reminded. “You were kind of short when we met, but you’ve grown like crazy since then.” Shiro paused. “I think you even got taller during the winter break. What the hell have you been eating?” he asked.

“Hmmmm. Everything, really. I’m always hungry,” Matt replied. He set his hand on his stomach. “Like right now. I’m starving. I’m like three seconds away from eating my shirt.”

“Again, please don’t.”

Matt grabbed the collar of his shirt and stuffed it in his mouth. He then glanced up at Shiro, and a smirk upturned the corner of his lips as laughter bubbled up in his throat.

Shiro stared for a moment, then sighed and covered his face. He appeared exasperated, though behind his gloved hand was a fiery blush. His brain couldn’t come up with a coherent reason why the sight made his face flush, but at the moment he didn’t care. He finally had time to see his closest friend. There was a smile on his face, a real one, and he was happy. He wasn’t just fine, and he was far from the mess he’d been during break. He needed this too much to ruin it with overthinking.

When the warmth started to disappear from Shiro’s face, he dropped his hand and returned his gaze to Matt, who had been targeted by Eurus once he finally lay still on the floor. The cat had climbed onto Matt’s chest and sat down, licking her paws contentedly.

“Help,” Matt said when he noticed Shiro watching him and Eurus.

“I don’t know.” Shiro crossed his arms and smiled. “She looks pretty comfortable.”

Matt scowled in mock anger, then nearly shrieked when Eurus got up and immediately stepped on his face. He had stopped wearing his glasses, so there was nothing to protect his face from her paws.

Shiro stood back and watched Matt suffer at the paws of Eurus. She refused to leave him alone as she’d gotten very attached to Matt, especially after the break. Maybe it was his lengthening hair, as she’d always been fond of Keith’s ponytails, or maybe it was just him. It was possible that Shiro wasn’t the only person who gravitated toward Matt’s inviting personality.

A knock on the door drew Shiro and Matt’s attention.

“That was fast,” Matt mumbled. He sat up and moved Eurus off of himself, then stood and started toward the door.

While Matt answered the door, Shiro glanced at his phone. Twenty minutes had passed in the blink of an eye. He hadn’t noticed the minutes flying by.

Shiro tucked his phone back into his pocket, then followed after Matt. He left his room just as Matt was turning away from the door, pizza in hand.

“How much do I owe you?” Shiro asked. He reached for his wallet.

“Nothing,” Matt replied.

Shiro opened his mouth to speak, but Matt interrupted him.

“You let me come over and steal all of Eurus’ attention for myself. I’ll cover the pizza,” Matt insisted.

Shiro sighed as if he had given up. He knew Matt wouldn’t back down, and while he wouldn’t either, he had other methods to get his way. Shiro made a mental note to slip a few dollars into Matt’s backpack, then out plates for the pizza.

Matt and Shiro ended up standing next to the kitchen counter as they ate. There was little talking, as Matt was busy devouring half the pizza while Shiro nibbled on a couple slices of his own.

“Where the hell do you put all that?” Shiro asked as he watched Matt inhale his fourth slice.

Matt swallowed his pizza and tapped the top of his head. “It’s my secret weapon for growing taller than you.”

Shiro almost snorted. “If you end up taller than me, I’ll eat my shirt.”

“I’m holding you to that!” Matt warned.

The pair erupted into laughter, then quieted down to finish eating. When they were done, Shiro set the empty pizza box behind the trash can, Matt grabbed his backpack, and the two returned to Shiro’s room.

Matt groaned as he dropped lazily to the floor and slumped against the side of Shiro’s bed. He glared at his backpack, which he’d dropped next to himself. “I have so much homewooooork.”

Shiro frowned and sat cross-legged on the floor in front of Matt. “Really? I know you haven’t been here long, but if you need to go, that’s okay.”

Matt shook his head. “No.” He looked at Shiro. “We haven’t really gotten to hang out much this semester, since we’re both busier than before. I can just do my homework tonight.”

Shiro’s brow furrowed as he took a moment to really look at Matt. He hadn’t noticed it before when Matt was his usual cheery self, but the IT student looked different. He was paler than Shiro remembered, and smears of purple shadows colored the skin beneath his eyes.

“Matt,” Shiro said softly. “Are you doing okay?”

“Of course,” Matt answered quickly, earning him a stern look from Shiro, who didn’t believe him for a moment. Matt’s gaze went to the ground, and his face fell. “My workload for this semester is a lot bigger than last semester. I can handle it, of course, but sometimes it’s hard to find the time to get everything done. I mostly make up for lost time at night, but then I still have to get up in the morning. I end up tired, then my brain doesn’t work as fast, so it takes longer to do my work, so I stay up later-“ Matt paused, then shook his head and sighed. “Sorry, I’m rambling. I did this to myself, so I can’t complain.”

“Yes, you can,” Shiro assured. “There’s nothing wrong with being stressed out, even if you had an idea of what you were getting into. Everyone gets overwhelmed sometimes, and it’s okay.”

Matt met Shiro’s gaze and smiled. “Yeah. Thanks. Still, I’m sorry for dumping all that on you. I mean, you don’t exactly have endless spare time, either, and it’s not like you’re my therapist.”

“I don’t mind,” Shiro said. “Besides, I’m glad that you trust me enough to admit you’re struggling.”

“Well of course I trust you. You’ve been nothing but nice to me, and you also saved my ass more times than I could count when I was dealing with Quinn.” Matt almost sounded confused.

A smile split Shiro’s face. “You’ve done a lot for me, too. Maybe even more than you know.” The words slipped out before Shiro could think to stop them.

Matt cocked his head to the side, unsure of what Shiro was referring to, but Shiro offered no explanation. Instead, he poked Matt’s bag with his foot.

“If you want to work on your homework but don’t want to leave yet, you can work on it here.” Shiro rubbed the back of his neck. “I won’t exactly be much help if you get stuck on anything, but-“ Shiro gestured to Eurus, who was laying on the floor next to the bedroom door “-Eurus is good at interrupting when you start feeling stressed over difficult work.”

Matt nodded. “That sounds good,” he said, then looked at Shiro. “Are you sure, though? I tend to zone out when I get really focused, so I won’t be very interesting to talk to.”

“It’s fine, I promise,” Shiro insisted. “Besides, I have some homework I can work on, too.” He gestured to his own backpack, which sat propped against the bedroom wall.

Matt reached for his bag and pulled it open in search of his work. Meanwhile, Shiro stretched across the floor to grab his own bag. He didn’t actually have any homework to do, as he’d already finished all work due that week, but he didn’t want to bother Matt by sitting and doing nothing. He also didn’t want to distract Matt by watching a movie on his computer or phone. Besides, he could always get ahead and lighten his future workload.

Silence fell in the room as the pair set to work, interrupted only by the quiet scratching of pencils on paper and pages being flipped. Neither moved or spoke, but there was no tension in the air. They were comfortable in each other’s presence as they worked, occasionally reaching out to pet Eurus when she walked by.

The sky was beginning to darken when Matt’s phone buzzed and pulled Shiro and Matt’s attention away from their work. Matt checked his screen.

“It’s my dad. He’s planning to go home soon.”

“Want me to walk to the IT building with you?”

Matt shook his head. “It’s alright. Keep doing your work. I don’t want to make you fall behind.”

Shiro wanted to insist, but he held himself back. He couldn’t think of much to talk about and feared the possibility of an awkward, silent walk. There was a lot he was keeping to himself, and he feared tension might provoke him to start spilling secrets he wasn’t ready to share. He only followed Matt to the door.

“I’ll text you later, and I’ll let you know next time I’m free so we can see about meeting up again,” Matt offered.

“Sounds good.”

Both students were quiet as they held each other’s gaze, then their eyes went to Matt’s pocket when his phone buzzed again. Matt tucked a strand of his sandy hair behind his ear, and the scar on his cheek flexed as he smiled. “I’ll see you later, Shiro.”

Shiro nodded as Matt pulled the door open. “See you later, Matt,” he replied.

Matt gave Shiro a final wave goodbye, then stepped outside and pulled the door shut behind him. His footsteps faded, leaving Shiro alone. However, with someone he could trust just a text message away, Shiro didn’t feel very alone. Not anymore

Chapter Text

                When Shiro returned to Najenda’s for his next weekly visit, his good mood was palpable. He stood tall with his shoulders set rather than hunched, and the smile that slipped onto his face when he approached the receptionist was genuine.

                Najenda was quick to pick up on Shiro’s light attitude when she collected him from the waiting room.

                “You seem to be doing well,” she commented as she shut her office door behind them and made for her seat. She set her pen down as she fixed Shiro with a curious look. “Did something good happen?”

                Shiro scratched the back of his head and shrugged. The slightest rush of heat warmed his cheeks as he realized how obvious his good mood was. While he knew it was nothing to be embarrassed about, he couldn’t help but feel somewhat so.

                “Nothing ‘good’ in particular happened, as far as events, but I guess life in general has just been better recently. I’m holding up well in my classes, I’ve been sleeping better, I got back into working out, all that. I’ve been trying to take your advice and think about being more open with what I’m thinking and feeling, too. I still don’t feel ready to bring up my past with Matt, but I’ve made a little bit of progress. I try not to hide when I’m feeling upset as much as I used to, and just, I’m trying to be a little more genuine around him,” Shiro explained.

                “Really?” Najenda asked. “Has that caused any kind of shift in your relationship?”

                “Nothing big. After all, I’m not doing anything drastic, and I only just started trying to change. It helps that he’s being more open about his struggles now than he was back in the fall, too. Back then, he tried to hide Quinn from me as long as he could, but just a few days ago, he was telling me about his workload and how it’s stressing him out.” Shiro paused, then shrugged. “Well, actually I asked if he was okay, and he tried to pretend he was at first. He wasn’t very resistant when he realized I didn’t believe him, though, and he opened up pretty quick after that.”

                Najenda picked up her pen again. “What kinds of things did he say to you about his stresses?”

                Shiro glanced up as he tried to recall what Matt had told him. “He said his workload increased from last semester, and it’s starting to really get to him. He has so much work to do that sometimes he has to stay up late to finish it, then he loses sleep, which makes it harder for him to focus so he falls behind further. It’s kind of a never-ending cycle. He said he felt bad for complaining about it to me, since I’m kind of busy myself and he knew beforehand that this semester would be a lot of work for him.”

                “And what was your reaction?”

                “I just told him not to feel bad. It’s not his fault for feeling overwhelmed, even if he knew that might happen. I would have liked to have been able to offer some help with his work, too, but he’s a lot smarter than I am. There isn’t much he’s learning that I could be any help on.”

                Najenda leaned forward in her seat. “How did you feel about his situation?”

                Shiro was quiet for a moment with his brow furrowed as he thought to himself. “I guess, like I said, I wanted to help. There wasn’t much I could do, so I just offered to let him hang around at my dorm doing homework so he could catch up. That way we were still hanging out, kind of, so he didn’t have to feel bad for spending most of his time on his work. He said before that it bothered him that we haven’t seen much of each other this semester, and he feels like it’s his fault since he’s busy.”

                “Do you blame him at all for your decrease in interactions?”

                Shiro shook his head vigorously. “No, no. Of course not. We’re students. It’s a bit of a given than we might get busy with school work sometimes,” he explained.

                “I see,” Najenda said. She wrote something down, then glanced up at Shiro. “And you said the two of you were at your dorm?”  .

                Shiro nodded. “Yeah. We haven’t gotten to meet up in a while, so he came to my dorm and we got pizza delivered so we could eat and hang out for a bit.”

                “What did you two do? Did you just talk?”

                Shiro looked up in thought and hummed. “Yeah, we talked for a bit before we did homework. Just random stuff. He got to play with my cat, too. He loves her, and she’s missed him since she didn’t see him at all during break and he hasn’t been around my dorm so far this semester.”

                Najenda smiled. “Your cat, Eurus, right? She seems very attached to him.”

                “She is. I thought she was clingy around my brother and I, but it’s like she’s glued to Matt,” Shiro explained with a huff of laughter.

                Najenda bobbed her head. “What about you? You’ve told me before that you like spending time with Matt. Did it bother you at all to let him do homework when you to had planned on talking?”

                Shiro shook his head without a moment of hesitation. “No, not at all. Just being in the same room is nice. I don’t mind if we aren’t talking. Actually, sometimes that’s better than trying to force a conversation.”

                “Has that always been the case with your friends, or is it a more recent development?”

                “Hmm.” Shiro bit his lip as he thought back to his days in the military, and even further back to when he was in school. “I had a lot more energy in high school, and so did my friends, so there wasn’t a lot of silence. The Air Force required quiet most times, though. I had a few rowdy crew members, but we weren’t a noisy bunch.”

                “So, would you say it was your experiences while serving that led to your comfort with silence? Was it a major contributor?”

                “I mean, serving changed a lot about me; mentally, and physically,” Shiro stated lamely. He waved his right arm, earning a curious look from Najenda.

                “How did it change you physically?” she asked, nodding at his arm.

                Shiro tensed. He’d grown comfortable with Najenda since he started visiting and had told her more about his past than he’d ever told anyone else. After all, she was getting paid to listen to him, and it was her job not to judge him. She also couldn’t legally disclose anything he told her to anyone else, which eased his anxiety at the thought of his secrets slipping out to the rest of the world. That didn’t mean he wanted to tell Najenda everything, though. There were some things he wanted to keep to himself; some things he’d never shown or told anyone that he didn’t feel ready to disclose.

                Najenda set her pen down. “I won’t ask you to show me if you aren’t comfortable with it. While making my patients feel comfortable in their own skin is often part of my job, it isn’t always a requirement. You could explain the physical impacts serving inflicted on you that are causing you trouble, or if you would prefer, or we can save that discussion for another time until you feel ready.”

                “No.” Shiro shook his head. His hands clenched into fists in his lap. “I’ve hidden things I didn’t want others to see for years because I was afraid of the reaction I might get, but it gets in the way. Plus-“ Shiro paused, his mind lingering on memories of Matt when he was troubled with Quinn, or him and Matt on the floor in his dorm as Matt briefly explained his struggle with his workload. In those moments Shiro had wanted to help Matt. He wanted to comfort him in some way, but he’d also been afraid to get close.

                Najenda sat completely still as she waited for Shiro to respond, careful not to pressure him.

                “For years I’ve refused to stand too close to people. I’m afraid they’ll touch my arm and…realize it’s not normal.” Shiro admitted.

                “How so?”

                Shiro set his left hand on his right forearm. He could feel the pieces of hard metal beneath his sleeve. “In the…incident before I was discharged, my…my arm was damaged. I would have lost the entire thing, but the doctors who operated managed to save it – well, part of it.” He ran his hand up his sleeve to his shoulder, where the metal chunks tapered off. “The bones in my arm and hand were completely destroyed in spots, but somehow the muscles and nerves were mostly intact, or at least enough so to fully heal. The doctors replaced the parts of my bones and joints that couldn’t be salvaged. Anything that was lost or couldn’t be fixed is all metal. Now I still have full use of my arm, but it’s a lot of scar tissue, metal, and fused skin. The entire thing from my shoulder down is just…it’s horrific. I’ve never shown anyone. Even my brother has only seen glimpses by accident. I hate it, and while I know I should be grateful that I still have full control of my arm, part of me wishes I’d just lost it.”

                “Is your problem with you arm fully cosmetic, or are there practical issues you’re struggling with as well?”

                “I mean, it can get uncomfortable in the cold since the metal cools quickly and will cause pain in any areas in direct contact with it. I also have to keep a constant eye on it to make sure the metal isn’t damaged, but I don’t care much about any of that anymore. I just hate it. I don’t want to see it every time I look in the mirror.”

                “Do you hesitate to let others see it because you expect them to react to it the same way you do, or is there another reason?”

                Shiro shrugged. “Pretty much. At least, when it comes to strangers. I know if I showed Keith, or even Mrs. McClain, they probably wouldn’t react negatively. Even if they were freaked out, they would clench their teeth until they broke before they give any indication of what they’re really thinking.”

                “Have you ever considered showing it to them? Or maybe someone else close to you?”

                “That’s the thing,” Shiro responded. “I’ve never really been close enough to anyone to need to tell them about my arm, let alone show them. If someone never has to see it and never has to feel it, they’ll never know. I’m not much of physical contact person, so for years I never had the issue where I wanted or needed to touch someone for whatever reason but couldn’t because of my arm. That’s changed, though. When Matt was dealing with Quinn, there were multiple times I wanted to do something for him. I trained him in self-defense, which took some contact, but I was careful to make sure he never touched my right arm. So many times, I wanted to put my hand on his shoulder when he was upset and I didn’t know what to say, but I was afraid of him feeling what’s under my glove. Even when he was at my dorm talking about his workload, I wanted to make him feel better, whether that meant clapping him on the shoulder or putting my hand on his arm to remind him I was there if he needed me. But I couldn’t. I care about him, I trust him, and I want to help him in every way I can, but he’s also the first friends I’ve had in years, and I don’t want to risk scaring him away.”

                Najenda nodded. “I see Matt is quite the fixture in your life. You only met last fall, correct?”

                “Yeah. On the first day of classes.”

                “You told me he is a kind person, and from what I’ve heard, he sounds loyal. Do you truly believe he might be afraid of you if he saw your arm? Enough so that he’d drop the friendship you two have built and walk away?”

                Shiro’s gaze dropped to his feet, then he slowly shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. He saw me fighting multiple people at once during the whole situation with Quinn, and he only trusted me more than ever after that. He saw me hurt people, but he never got scared. He’s never flinched away from me like he thinks I’m dangerous. So, no. I don’t think he’d be afraid.”

                Najenda frowned. “What bothers you about the possibility of him seeing your arm, then?”

                “Horror. Disgust. Probably the same stuff I think when I see it. At the very least, he’d probably be creeped out, or something.”

                “Do you think that would be enough to make him leave you?”

                Shiro was silent for a moment. “I don’t know anymore. I can’t say for sure how he’ll react, but I don’t want to find out. He treats me like I’m just another normal person and not some fractured charity case. He’s no pushover, but he doesn’t start stupid arguments when we disagree on something. He’ll text me at two in the morning with some crazy theory about Star Wars or asking if he should buy a Roomba and tape a knife to it. He makes me happy, and I trust him. I trust him so much that I don’t know what to do with myself. Sometimes I suddenly get the impulse to just…tell him everything. Part of me thinks he’ll stay. Part of me believes he’s not someone who’d run away over some shitty tragic backstory. I don’t know for sure, though, and that’s why I can’t show him everything. I haven’t even known him for a year, but it feels like he’s always been there for me. I like being that guy from the aviation program who has a cute cat and is bad at math instead of that veteran with a mangled arm and crippling depression. I like having him around and feeling a little bit closer to normal than usual. I just – I can’t risk losing that. I can’t risk losing him. I don’t know if I could move on from that.”

                Najenda gave no response. She had given up on writing things down and instead opted to stare at Shiro. She set her hands on her notepad and took a deep breath, then slowly started to speak.

                “Usually I’m the one preventing tangents during appointments, but I think there’s something you need to address here, Shiro.”

                Shiro looked at Najenda uncertainly. “Did I say something wrong?” he asked.

                “I wouldn’t call anything you said wrong. It’s more an observation I’ve made throughout your visits. Something that has to do with Matthew Holt.” Najenda paused and gave Shiro a moment to catch up. She could see the gears turning in his head. “Can you tell me exactly what you feel when you think about him or see him?”

                “Uh, I don’t really know. It’s kind of a mix of things? Usually I relax a little bit and feel calm, or at least calmer than I was. I rarely ever have to fake a smile because they come naturally when he’s around.” Shiro shrugged. “I’m just comfortable, even when I’m not at my dorm or my house, which are usually the only places I’m able to relax at all.”

                “Do you always approach him when you see him? Even outside planned meetings? Do unexpected calls and texts make you happy? Do you ever find your mind lingering on memories of him? Whenever you mention him while meeting with me, are you doing so consciously, or is he always on your mind?”

                Shiro’s mind flashed to the aviation fair. For the barest second, he remembered Matt pausing on his way out of the hangar after bringing in a batch of passengers for Shiro to take on a flight. He remembered Matt’s loose hair whipping around in the air as the propeller on Shiro’s plane whipped wind through the hangar. He remembered the soft look of wonder on Matt’s face, and the way the sight had left him transfixed. Then the memory was gone, and Shiro was left staring Najenda in the eyes with a light flush of color on his face.

                “I’m not one to suggest that my patients push boundaries as far as relationships go, as that typically introduces another burden on top of the ones that brought them to me. However, I don’t believe it’s a good idea to let blurred boundaries go unchecked, as the uncertainty they generate is a prime area for anxiety to fester. I’m not telling you to act here, Shiro. I only want you to think about your relationship with Matt and make sure you understand exactly how you see him and who you think of him as,” Najenda explained.

                Shiro frowned. “What do you mean?”

                Najenda sighed quietly, then looked up at Shiro with an unreadable expression.

                “Contrary to popular belief, friends are an incredibly important part of human life. We crave close relationships with others, and when we form those relationships, we become very protective of and dependent on those people. From what I’ve heard, Matt is important to you like this, but I believe there is more to it than you seem to think.”

                “More? I mean, he is my only friend, so I guess it makes sense that I might be a little more attached to him than others are to their friends” Shiro reasoned.

                “No, Shiro. That’s not what I’m trying to say,” Najenda stated.

                Shiro’s eyebrows were furrowed as he tried to understand what Najenda was saying, but the pieces refused to come together in his head unless she spelled it out for him. Najenda seemed to realize it, because she did exactly that.

                “It sounds to me that you’re in love with Matthew Holt.”

Chapter Text

“You’re in love with Matthew Holt.”

The words echoed on an endless loop in Shiro’s brain as he lay in bed in his dorm staring blankly at the ceiling.

You’re in love with Matthew Holt.”

“You’re in love with Matthew Holt.”

“You’re in love with Matthew Holt.”

Was he? Sure, he liked hanging out with Matt and talking to him, whether it was in person or over text. He got excited when they made plans to meet, and whether they were discussing their favorite movies or sitting together in silence doing their homework, he felt content. Wasn’t that what friendship was supposed to be, though? Weren’t friends supposed to enjoy each other’s presence? Weren’t they supposed to make each other happy?

For a moment, Shiro thought back to Adam. Adam was the only person he’d ever dated, as well as the only person he’d ever felt more than a fleeting interest in. He was Shiro’s baseline, an experience to compare future feelings to. However, when Shiro compared what he’d felt for Adam to what he felt for Matt, he found few similarities. His attitude toward Matt wasn’t the same as that toward Adam. Adam had been a fast-paced, raging storm that had wrapped Shiro in a dizzying whirlwind of adrenaline. Matt was a peaceful, open field of rolling hills and wheat swaying in a lazy breeze. Shiro’s feelings for each were polar opposites; didn’t that mean he wasn’t in love with Matt?

At Shiro’s side, his phone buzzed. It drew the man from his thoughts, and he picked it up to glance at the screen, where he found a text from Keith.

Keith: Did you go to your appointment today?

Shiro: Yes. It went well.

After typing out his response, Shiro dropped his phone back on the bed beside him and returned his gaze to the ceiling. After a moment, though, his brow furrowed. Keith. Someone Matt didn’t know. Someone who Shiro could confide in without needing to worry about the possibility of something reaching the ears of someone he wasn’t ready to confront. Someone who knew him well, someone who had been there when Adam had still been alive. Someone who understood, and who wouldn’t judge him.

Shiro scrambled to grab his phone as he bolted upright. He unlocked it, then reopened his conversation with Keith.

Shiro: Are you busy right now or can I call you?

Keith’s reply came quickly.

Keith: Sure. I don’t have to go back to class for another 20 mins. Not doing anything really

Shiro had hardly finished reading Keith’s message when he pressed the ‘call’ button.

“Shiro? Is something wrong?” Keith asked when he picked up.

“Uh, no, its uh, nothing.” Shiro paused. “I just, uh, had a question for you. About something Najenda said.”

Keith was quiet for a moment. “What did she say? Did something happen?”

“No! No, it’s, um… Do I…” Shiro trailed off. He was struggling to get the words out. It was as if he was afraid of them, though he wasn’t sure why he would be. Even if he did have a thing for Matt, it wasn’t the end of the world. Matt was his best friend, not a psycho axe murderer. Worst case scenario, Shiro would only have to compartmentalize and put his feelings in a little box that he could shove away in some tiny crevice within his mind until they faded. He could do that. If he could repress years of trauma to resemble a normal, unbothered human being while out in public, he could tell himself he didn’t have a crush on his best friend.

“Do you…?” Keith prompted when his brother failed to continue speaking.

“Do…Do I seem like I’m in love with Matt?”

Shiro blurted out the words the moment he could say them. He couldn’t wait and risk losing the momentary burst of confidence that allowed him to speak.

Another long paused halted the conversation.

“Uh,” Keith began hesitantly. “What did Najenda say to you, exactly?” he asked slowly in a low, concerned tone.

Shiro sighed. “She told me I should think about my relationship with Matt and figure out exactly who I see him as. According to her, based on my sessions so far and how I talk about Matt, it sounds like I like him—not just as a friend,” he explained.

“Aaaaand why are you asking me about that?”

“…Because you and Matt are the only people I know, and I can’t exactly go ask Matt if he thinks I’m into him.”

“…Fair.” Keith admitted. “Um, I don’t know? I mean, you’ve talked to me about him before, but I haven’t really seen you guys interact, or anything.”

“I know. I just… Najenda has been encouraging me to, y’know, open up. Confide in people I trust.” Shiro rubbed his face tiredly. “You and Matt are really the only people I can talk to about what’s bothering me, but there’s…a lot Matt doesn’t know.”

On the other end of the line, Keith swallowed thickly as a wave of cold washed over him. He should have been relieved that Shiro had yet to find out about his and Matt’s secret conversations. He should have been glad that the call was Shiro was opening up to him instead of the man getting upset because he’d somehow discovered his little brother’s secret. Keith didn’t feel ‘good’ about the situation in any way, though. All he felt was cold, leaden guilty. There were few secrets that he kept from Shiro, and while they were all hidden for good reason, Keith couldn’t help but feel like he was doing something wrong. This situation was no different. Keith was keeping a secret to help his brother heal. However, the good intentions behind Keith’s actions did nothing to ease his guilt, and he had no choice but to shove down the menacing tendrils of self-hate in his chest and continue as if nothing was wrong.

“It’s good. That you’re opening up, I mean,” Keith assured. “I just don’t know how much I can help with…that.”

“You’ve had a crush on Lance for years, Keith. You’re pretty much the expert of being in denial.”

Keith’s face flushed, and he momentarily forgot about the cold feeling that still lurked within. “I do not, and I am not!” he hissed into his phone

“Yeah, and I’m not a pilot.”

“But…you are a pilot.”

“Exactly.”

“…Damn it.”

“Language.”

Keith growled, earning him a light chuckle from Shiro.

Once Shiro sobered, he cleared his throat and returned to the topic at hand.

“I know you haven’t really been around Matt and I, but how about the way I talk about him? Is it… Is it like how I used to talk about…?” Shiro trailed off.

“Adam?” Keith finished. He sighed. “It’s not exactly the same. With Adam, you talked about him like he was the world. Everything you did, you cared what Adam thought. You weren’t happy whenever he didn’t approve of something, and for the most part you took his word as law. It was kind of like you were dependent on him, maybe? Dependent on his approval? I know… I know how much you loved him, and I understand why you would have always wanted him to be happy with you, but sometimes it seemed like you were always putting Adam above yourself. By default, he was right. His ideas were the best. His arguments were correct, even if you didn’t think so to start with. It was like you saw him as a king and yourself as his loyal knight.”

Shiro frowned even though he knew Keith couldn’t see him. “Well, of course. I loved him. He was my world, and I wanted him to be happy before everything else.”

“And that was the problem, Shiro. You conceded to him too much, and even though he was a good guy and never used that to manipulate you, your habit made him believe he was right all the time. Then, when you finally ran into an issue where you two had opposing viewpoints and you refused to give up and agree with him, everything fell apart.”

“When I decided to join the military…” Shiro recalled.

“You joined because there was always one thing you could never put Adam before: your family. You wouldn’t change your mind because dad died, and you were trying to find a way to take care of me. When you and Adam argued about it, he was expecting you to change your mind like you usually do, and when you didn’t, you two didn’t know how to overcome your difference in opinion because you’d never done it before. So you broke up,” Keith finished. His voice had quieted with time, ending in nearly a whisper.

“Wait,” Shiro said. “I get what you mean, but what does it have to do with Matt?”

Keith glanced at the clock on the school cafeteria’s wall. It was already nearing time for him to return to class.

“It was obvious that you liked Adam because of the unequal dynamic between the two of you. You put him so high above yourself that even the most oblivious idiot on the planet would’ve been able to see that you were ass-over-heels for him. When it comes to Matt, you’re enthusiastic while talking about him in the same way you were when you talked about Adam before, but your dynamic is different,” Keith explained.

“How so?”

“You and Matt seem more…I don’t know…balanced? You still talk about him like he’s the world, but like-“ Keith paused as he searched for the right words, though he came up empty-handed. “I’m not really sure how to explain it. I guess, it’s like you put him first, but you don’t defer to him the same way you did with Adam. Matt’s important to you, but you don’t put him on a pedestal.”

Shiro chewed on his lip in thought as he processed his brother’s words.   

“So… Do you think I like him?” Shiro asked after a brief pause.

“I… I don’t know, Shiro. I’m sorry.”

There was something in Keith’s tone that blatantly betrayed the weariness he’d been trying to mask for weeks. It made him sound a decade older than he was. Keith had aged years in a moment, and Shiro was quick to notice.

“Hey, it’s okay,” Shiro assured hurriedly. His brow was pinched in worry. “You have nothing to apologize for, Keith. I’m the one dumping everything on you. I’m the one who should be sorry.”

“No. No, it’s fine,” Keith countered. “Like Najenda said, it’s good for you to open up, and I’m glad you trust me enough to talk to about this.”

“Of course I trust you, Keith.”

Another ice-cold dagger drove itself through Keith’s heart.

“Th-thanks,” Keith said, hardly suppressing the new surge of guilt that washed over him. “I just think you shouldn’t compare what’s going on between you and Matt to your relationship with Adam. The dynamic of those two relationships seem so different that it’ll only make it harder for you to figure out exactly how you feel.”

Shiro nodded to himself, then he felt a small, fond smile on the corners of his lips. “I never thought the day would come when my hot-headed little brother would be giving me advice like this.”

Keith’s expression shifted until it matched Shiro’s even though the brothers were miles apart. “I learned from the best, Shiro.” 

“Nah. You were always a hell of a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for.”

There was a brief, comfortable silence between the two as they thought to themselves about how much the other hand changed. Keith had watched Shiro grow into a new person in the previous six months as the man opened himself up and worked to manage the issues with his mental health that had controlled his life for years. Shiro had seen Keith go from a fearful, closeted kid who struggled to control his anger, to a young man confident in himself who could step back and look at the bigger picture whilst retaining his view of the smaller details within. They were both different than they’d once been, and while their new selves were unfamiliar, the change was welcome.

Keith broke the silence after he looked up at the clock again and saw that he had mere minutes remaining before his next class started. “I gotta’ go. My next class starts soon.”

“Oh. Sorry. I forgot you were still at school,” Shiro recalled.

“It’s alright. Make sure you keep up with your appointments, and don’t keep this whole thing with Matt to yourself. I’ll talk to you later.”

“I’ll be good, so you better be, too, Keith,” Shiro warned. Then, his voice softened. “And…thank you.”

“Bye, Shiro.”

The call ended. At his school, Keith hurried to class while cold guilt and warm fondness fought for dominance in his mind. In his dorm, Shiro once again stared at the ceiling to think about what Keith had told him and further debate exactly what he thought about Matt.

“Shit,” Shiro whispered to himself as he closed his eyes to think. Keith’s words may not have told Shiro whether or not Najenda was right about him liking Matt, but they still helped a great deal. Shiro’s first thought had been to think back to his days with Adam, and not once had he thought it might be the wrong thing to do. Relationship dynamics…

Shiro never thought much about the dynamic between him and Adam. It was something that had never so much as crossed his mind, not when they had been together or at any point after they’d broken up. In his mind, all that mattered in a relationship was whether or not people who were together treated each other well. Shiro valued trust, kindness, and respect. Adam had given him all three, and Shiro had never questioned anything beyond that. He’d never noticed his tendency to give in to Adam and his beliefs, though the longer Shiro thought back on it… The two of them had hardly ever argued. If Shiro had sensed a disagreement approaching, he’d always done everything he could to avoid it, even if it meant going along with Adam when he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to. Like Keith said, their only major argument had been that over Shiro’s plans to join the military. Shiro hadn’t avoided confrontation then. He hadn’t budged from his stance, either, nor had Adam. They’d argued, unable to come to any sort of agreement, until they were too damaged to hold together. Their relationship had broken at the hands of that argument. It seemed strange, though, that one major fight had been all that was needed to destroy years of love and trust. As much as he didn’t want to accept it, Shiro was beginning to think he and Adam may have built their relationship on a base full of hairline fractures that neither could see until they were shaken by the sudden magnitude of their argument and crumbled. After all, people didn’t go from zero to sixty at a moment’s notice. There was always something missing; always a long wait on fifty-nine no one noticed before a person went downhill. Maybe relationships were the same way.

What about Matt? Shiro had no memory of them ever arguing about anything. Sure, they went back and forth during playful banter over who the best Avenger was, or who Eurus liked more. Those weren’t arguments, though. They weren’t angry discussions. They weren’t fueled by hate. They were comfortable conversations.

While Keith had said he believed Shiro’s relationship with Matt was ‘balanced,’ he’d never actually met Matt, nor had he ever seen Matt and Shiro interact. All he knew was what second-hand information he’d received during conversations with Shiro. It wasn’t impossible for Keith to have gotten the wrong impression.

Shiro sighed and rubbed his face. “Do I defer to Matt?” he asked himself. He knew he didn’t like getting into arguments and fights, and would avoid them if he could. That was simply an aspect of his personality that had nothing to do with wanting to please others. Shiro simply wasn’t the confrontational type unless letting the issue go would get someone hurt, like back when they had been dealing with Quinn. Matt had been in danger with Quinn on the loose, and Shiro hadn’t hesitated to turn to force when it became necessary.

Quinn. The man was someone Shiro didn’t like to think about. He’d been a furious storm in the otherwise sunny previous semester, as well as someone who had haunted Matt for years. Nothing had been good about him or his appearance at the university, and had Matt not asked Shiro to hold back, maybe Quinn would have been a little worse for wear by the time the problem was resolved. Hell, if Matt hadn’t been so determined to keep Shiro out of the issue, Quinn might have ended up in the hospital instead of jail. Of course, that would likely have left Shiro in jail. Perhaps it was a good thing he hadn’t gotten involved earlier then he did.

Wait. Back when Quinn was around… Shiro and Matt hadn’t always been on the same page while dealing with Quinn. Shiro had wanted to help. Matt had tried to tolerate Quinn himself. Shiro had wanted to give Quinn a piece of his mind. Matt hadn’t let Shiro go anywhere near Quinn. Shiro had been worried about Matt’s safety. Matt had been worried about Shiro’s scholarships and the consequences Shiro would’ve faced if he’d gotten involved. While the pair tried to figure out what to do, Shiro hadn’t forced his thoughts and decisions on Matt, especially since Matt was the one familiar with Quinn. Shiro hadn’t deferred, either, though. They two had been constantly meeting in the middle and searching for a compromise when it came to dealing with Quinn. They’d gone back and forth. They’d been balanced, just like Keith had guessed.

The more Shiro thought to himself, the more he recalled slivers of interactions between him and Matt that pointed in the same direction as his memories of the Quinn situation and Keith’s guess. From dealing with a bully hell-bent on revenge to planning where and when to meet up, Shiro and Matt debated. They didn’t argue, but one did not always blindly follow the other. Matt didn’t treat Shiro’s every word as law, nor vice versa. They were not Shiro and Adam; they were Shiro and Matt. Adam had been a king; Matt was a partner in crime. Both were important to Shiro. Both were people he would die and kill for. The two had befriended very different Shiros, though, as he had changed drastically in the time between losing Adam and meeting Matt. Perhaps Keith had been onto something.

Shiro glanced at his phone, and his eyes widened a fraction when he checked the time. Nearly three hours had passed since he started thinking about him and Matt. And yet, despite all that time spent questioning, Shiro was still lost. He understood how he and Matt interacted. He knew what their dynamic was. However, that didn’t answer the burning question that had sent him down the rabbit hole in the first place: was he in love with Matthew Holt?

Chapter Text

The day after his mulling over his relationship with Matt, Shiro wandered into class lost in thought. He was so caught up in his own head that he nearly walked directly into a desk, swinging wide around it at the last moment when he noticed his trajectory. Shiro blinked to recall his focus to the classroom before he accidentally ran into someone without realizing they were in front of them.

Once he was seated and no longer a hazard to his half-asleep fellow classmates, Shiro let himself slip back into his thoughts. Matt, Adam. Adam, Matt. Back and forth, comparing and contrasting, thinking, connecting… Shiro had gotten nowhere since his conversation with Keith. It had been so long since he’d last had feelings for someone, and so long since he’d last had a friend, that Shiro couldn’t tell the difference between the feelings the two generated. He didn’t remember exactly how a trusted friend made him feel warm versus how a crush made his heart flush with heat. He didn’t know either feeling well enough to recognize which one he was experiencing when Matt came to mind.

As Shiro’s mind flitted back and forth between memories of Matt that left a pleasant tingle on his skin and memories of Adam that tasted bittersweet in his throat, he faintly heard a familiar voice. He blinked away the memories and glanced up at the front of the classroom. Sam and Instructor Con stood in front of Shiro and his peers as they usually did, though a third foreign figure had joined them.

The stranger stood between Sam and Con with his shoulders squared, hands clasped behind his back, and a small, polite smile on his face. His hair was buzzed centimeters from his head, and he wore a familiar camouflage uniform that made Shiro’s stomach turn and bile rise in his throat.

“Students, please welcome Senior Airman Reymon Tarker,” Con said with a stern look in his eyes that demanded respect for the guest at his side.

Tarker stepped forward and gave the class a polite nod before reintroducing himself. “As Instructor Con said, my name is Reymon Tarker, and I am a Senior Airman in the United States Air Force.” He glanced around at the students in front of him, taking them all in. When Tarker’s eyes lingered on Shiro for an extra moment, Shiro pretended not to notice.

“Would you like to tell the class why you’re here today?” Sam prompted from where he’d been standing wordlessly next to Con. Beneath the professional impassive expression on Sam’s face, Shiro saw something he couldn’t quite place. It was something that tugged at his brain with familiarity, though he had little time to contemplate it before Tarker’s voice rang out again.

“I am here today to talk to you about the opportunity to make a career out of the Air Force. I’ve heard that you are an excellent group of up-and-coming pilots, and I want to ensure you are aware of all the possibilities that await you as you continuing your training.” He gestured to Sam with a quick flash of his hand before clasping it behind his back again. “I understand that General Holt has been serving as an on-campus liaison since his arrival at the university last fall, and while he is more than capable of assisting students who have an interest in enlisting, he is also a busy man teaching a new generation of pilots. To assist him, I would like to know—after class—if any of you are interested in joining the Air Force. If you are undecided at the moment, no worries. I will remain on campus for several weeks to answer any questions you or any of your peers might have and collect information from those who would like to take the first steps toward enlisting.”

The class nodded silently in unison. Shiro could only manage the slightest dip of his head. His entire body was tensed and coiled, ready to snap if anything pushed him over the edge. His hands were clammy under his gloves, and every inch of his skin felt like it was on fire. He was nauseous. He couldn’t breathe. Memories were straining to resurface under a weathered barrier Shiro was desperately attempting to hold in place as it threatened to shatter around him.

Shiro didn’t hear or process a word Tarker said throughout the man’s entire presentation. His eyes saw slides of a power point projected on the screen at the front of the room, but his brain didn’t process a single line or image. Tarker’s words went in one ear and out the other. It took every ounce of control Shiro could muster to keep his legs from bouncing, make his hands lay flat and still on his desk, and maintain an unreadable, impassive expression on his face as to not cause alarm or draw attention to himself.

After over forty minutes of scrolling through his endless power point slides and explaining a number of jobs and opportunities even Shiro would not have recognized had he been able to pay attention, the power point ended on a black screen. Then…

“Does anyone have any questions?” Tarker asked.

Half the class raised their hands, and Shiro wanted to groan aloud. He wanted—no, he needed to get out. The worst of his experiences in the Air Force had been far from common, but he had no intention of risking a repeat in history no matter how high the odds were stacked in his favor. He wouldn’t return to the service if they showed up at his door and put a gun to his head. He’d rather tell them to shoot. Those memories… He tried not to dwell on them, let alone relive them. Nothing could convince him to go back. Nothing could make him want to listen to another word that came out of Tarker’s mouth. He didn’t want to hear explanations. He didn’t want to hear the questions. He didn’t want to see his peers seriously consider a career that had taken everything from him, even though it likely wouldn’t harm any of them nearly as much as it had harmed Shiro.

As Tarker called on students and answered their questions, Shiro remained motionless in his seat. He drowned everything out, plunging deep into his own mind to avoid words he couldn’t stand to hear. Years seemed to pass before Tarker finally answered the last question and concluded his presentation.

“Thank you for your time today, and remember I will be on campus for the next two weeks if anyone is interested in enlisting. If you can’t find me, Instructor Con and General Holt both have my contact information and are willing to help set up a meeting time with me for anyone looking to explore their options,” Tarker finished. He stepped back and gave both Con and Sam a nod each.

Con stepped forward, drawing attention from Tarker to himself. “As Senior Airman Tarker said, he will be on campus and able to meet with anyone who has an interest in enlisting, and myself or Instructor Holt will gladly assist any student who wishes to meet with him but can’t contact him,” he reiterated before turning to Tarker and offering a hand, which Tarker accepted politely. “Thank you for your time, sir,” Con said to Tarker with a firm handshake before returning his attention to the class. “That will be all for today. I hope those of you who have an interest in the Air Force will reach out to one of us in the near future, and I will see you all again in class on Friday.”

The squeaks and scrapes of chairs sliding across the floor filled the room as the students rose from their seats and left class. A handful stayed behind to talk to the three men in the front of the room. Only Shiro remained seated. He closed his eyes and let out a slow, deep breath he’d been holding in since he first laid eyes on Tarker. His shoulders drooped a fraction as his muscles relaxed. It was over. The presentation had been difficult to sit through, but it was done. It was behind him, just like his former career.

When Shiro felt calm enough to stand, he slowly rose to his feet with a hand planted on his desk to steady himself. He felt exhausted as if he had just spent twelve hours pushing a boulder up a mountain rather than spending one and a half in a chair staring blankly at the front of a classroom. Before class, he had made plans to catch up on homework after aviation since his math teacher had cancelled class for the week, but Shiro could tell by standing alone that he didn’t have the energy. Homework could wait until evening, or even the next day, if necessary.

“Takashi Shirogane?”

Shiro’s heart stopped, and his stomach fell into a bath of frigid cold. He steeled himself with a long, slow breath before he turned to Tarker with an impassive expression. “Sir?”

Tarker flashed Shiro a small smile in greeting before he spoke. “I heard from Instructor Con that you’re the top pilot in your class. Do you have any interest in enlisting?” he asked. “With your skill, I’m sure you would climb the ranks fairly quickly and make a strong career within a few years.”

Shiro swallowed thickly. He forced his lips to turn up into a polite smile and discreetly leaned his side against his desk to hide the slight tremble in his legs while he shook his head. “Sorry, sir, but I don’t think the Air Force is the right fit for me,” he said.

“I see,” Tarker responded. His expression didn’t change, though Shiro detected slight disappointment in the other man’s eyes. “Well, you are a talented and promising student. Keep up the good work, and if you ever change your mind, we’d love to have you.” Tarker held out his right hand in offering.

Ignoring the flash of nausea it caused him, Shiro took Tarker’s hand and shook it firmly, careful to make sure no part of Tarker’s hand so much as brushed any part of his arm that wasn’t flesh. He didn’t want the man to feel the metal under his sleeve and question it.

To Shiro’s horror, after he released Tarker’s hand, the man remained in front of him and squinted at him with a slight frown. “Have we met before, Mr. Shirogane? You look familiar, but I can’t place were from,” Tarker admitted.

Every muscle in Shiro’s body tensed impossibly tight. He couldn’t respond right away, too distracted by an uncertain attempt to keep his breath from catching and his hands from shaking.

“Uh, I…” Shiro stuttered. He pressed his lips together and narrowed his eyes curiously at Tarker to cover the distress that was trying to overcome his features against his will. “I don’t think so,” he managed. “Maybe you saw me on campus this morning?” he offered.

Tarker stared for another moment, then nodded. “Perhaps.” He squared his shoulders, then gestured toward Con, Sam, and the small group of students remaining at the front of the classroom. “I should go now, but thank you for your time, Mr. Shirogane,” Tarker said.

Shiro gave a nod, then watched Tarker return to the front of the room and greet the students who awaited him there. While Tarker, Con, and Sam were focused on the students in front of them, Shiro slipped out of the classroom unnoticed.

The world around Shiro was a dizzying blur as he power-walked to his dorm. Muscle memory turned him down sidewalks and streets, past throngs of people, through lines of trees and manicured bushes until he was standing outside his dorm fumbling with his keys. The moment the his lock clicked and released, Shiro shoved the door open, stepped inside, shut it behind him, and let himself fall backwards against it. He tilted his head back against the hard wood and breathed in deeply, then out slowly to calm his racing heart. Relax; he needed to relax. Tarker hadn’t recognized him. Tarker didn’t know who he was, nor did Con or Sam. No one knew. There was nothing to worry about. It was okay. He was okay.

Despite his silent assurances to himself, some tension remained in Shiro’s body. It made his muscles ache as he slowly slid down the door until he hit the floor and buried his face between his knees while his fingers ran through his hair.

Of course, something had to happen. The new semester had been going far too well for him, especially after he started seeing Najenda. While both Shiro and Matt were busier than usual and didn’t get to see much of each other, they texted often, so Shiro hardly felt lonely. His classes weren’t without challenges at times, though they were manageable and failed to stress him beyond a point he could tolerate. Life was good…then it wasn’t. All it took was the appearance of one person—one threat—to shake the foundation Shiro had been so carefully crafting.

If nothing else, as long as Shiro and Tarker never met again, maybe it would be okay. It wasn’t that Shiro hated Tarker, though. Rather, he was afraid of what Tarker might know. If the man was a high enough rank to be a recruiter, then he’d certainly been in the service back when Shiro had. It was likely Tarker knew Shiro, or at least knew of him. His recognizing Shiro’s face had been no coincidence, and Shiro was sure the only reason Tarker hadn’t been able to place him was because he looked far different than he had before his capture, and few in the service had seen him between his rescue and discharge. The Shiro of the past and the Shiro of the present were two very different people. It only made sense that they would hardly look alike, too. As long as Shiro kept his distance until Tarker left, the man would leave the university none the wiser. Maybe no one would find out about who Shiro had once been, not until he felt ready to tell them himself.

Shiro’s heart continued to hammer in his chest. How long had he been sitting against the door? He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, though he hadn’t moved an inch, nor did he intend to any time soon. He wasn’t ready to open himself up to the world again. He needed a moment to sit, think, and calm down. Whether that ‘moment’ lasted ten minutes or two hours didn’t matter. He needed his space. Forcing himself to move before he was ready would only make him feel worse, according to Najenda, and considering Shiro wasn’t the one with years of psychology schooling and experience with treating mental illness to back up his advice, he trusted she knew better than the small voice in the back of his head that told him to shake it off and stand up. He would take his time and relax.

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe. Relax each muscle one by one until the tension was gone. Clear his thoughts. Be patient. Breathe. Breathe.

Shiro’s phone vibrated in his pocket, but he ignored it. He wasn’t ready to face the world yet. If it was Keith, he’d understand. If it was Matt, Shiro could say he fell asleep after class and didn’t hear his phone. The message could wait.

As quickly as he’d noticed the buzz of his phone, Shiro forgot about it. His heart was finally beginnig to slow. His adrenaline was fading.

He would be okay.

Chapter Text

             Shiro: Hey. Sorry I didn’t respond to your messages yesterday. I wasn’t feeling well after class and ended up falling asleep when I got back to my dorm.

             The lie was the least creative one Shiro could have chosen, but it was better than the truth. ‘Hi, yeah, sorry I didn’t text you back yesterday. I was in the middle of a near-breakdown because an air force recruiter visited my class and tried to recruit me, and I was panicking because he almost recognized me and I was worried he’d figure out who I was and expose my past trauma that I’ve been desperately trying to hide from you since we met so you’ll keep treating me like a regular person. Yeah—no. A shitty lie sounded much better than that.

            Matt’s reply came minutes later.

            Matt: thats okay! feel better today?

            Shiro: Much, thanks.

            Shiro: If you’re free today do you want to meet up?

            The day before, Shiro doubted he would have offered to meet up with Matt. Being in the same room as the person he may have a crush on without other people between them to act as a buffer in case Shiro got flustered was daunting, but after Tarker’s appearance, romantic feelings were the least of Shiro’s problem. After all, if Tarker recognized him and Matt found out about his past, he wouldn’t have to worry about whether or not he liked Matt; there was no need to figure anything out if the object of his potential affections wouldn’t touch him with a ten foot pole.

                Matt: sure

            Matt: I just got out of class so whenever

            Shiro: I can meet you in the cafeteria for lunch in ten minutes

            Matt: I’ll be there in fifteen

            Matt: On the other side of campus no way in fuck am I running

            Shiro: Not even for your friend? I’m wounded…

            Matt: Friendship does not improve one’s cardio abilities

            Shiro: Yes, but running with friends will

            Matt:

            Matt: Not today

            Shiro: I will hold this lack of outright denial against you later

            Matt: If you try to make me run I’ll throw my calc hw at u

            Shiro: Aren’t you taking diff eq?

            Matt: Same thing

            Matt: Still math

            Matt: And you hate math

            Shiro: I don’t hate it, I’m just not good at it

            Shiro: And if you think paper with math on it will stop me, hope I never have a reason to kill you

            Matt: I’ll just hide in some small space you can’t fit in

            Shiro: You’re running out of small spaces you can fit into that I can’t

            Matt: u callin me fat??

            Shiro: You’re almost as tall as I am

            Shiro: You might be skinny but it’s hard to cram six feet of adult man into literally anything

             Matt: I’d usually be happy with someone overestimating my height but since its not helping my argument

            Matt: I’m not that tall

            Shiro: You’re still tall

            Matt:

            Matt: My short ass will see you in 20 mins

            Shiro: I thought you were fifteen minutes away?

            Matt: To prove a point it’ll take my shortass legs 20 mins to walk to the cafeteria

            Shiro: And I’ll screenshot this conversation to bring it up next time you insist you aren’t short

            Matt: ( ╯ °Д°) ╯

            A light chuckle escaped Shiro as he took a screenshot of their messages as promised, then he turned off his phone and slipped it into his pocket when he rolled to his feet from where he was laying on his bed. He was already fully dressed for the day in a pair of dark jeans and a grey long sleeve. Shiro stopped in the bathroom to check his hair in the mirror, and once satisfied that the short strands didn’t look like a bird’s nest from laying on it, he shrugged on his coat, slipped his hands into his gloves, and left his dorm.  

-000-

                As promised, Matt walked into the cafeteria exactly twenty minutes after his conversation with Shiro ended. He arrived at the building in seventeen minutes, though made a point to stubbornly stand outside in the biting February air and light snow showers for an extra three minutes before finally entering. The entire time Shiro watched him from inside the heated cafeteria building with raised eyebrows.

                “How’s the weather?” Shiro asked when Matt approached him while shaking half-melted snowflakes from his hair.

                “Beautiful. Perfect for a beach day.”

                Shiro snorted, earning him a pouty glare from Matt, who crossed his arms and stomped toward the cafeteria line.

                The two picked out their food, paid, then wove their way through the mess of chairs and backpacks that blocked the aisles around the tables until they found a clear space to sit down.

                “How was your math class this morning?” Shiro asked as he pulled the paper wrapped off his burger. It was a lame question, though he would take anything that wasn’t ‘do I seem like I have a crush on you’ or ‘did you know I was in the air force and it left me scarred for life both physically and mentally’.

                Matt’s brow furrowed, and he angrily shoved a chicken tender in his mouth.

                Shiro raised his eyebrows. “O-kay…?” He took a cautious bite of his food while watching Matt aggressively chew.

                “Of course we had to do a pop quiz, which would have been fine, except my pencil ran out of lead halfway through the quiz, and I didn’t have another one!” Matt hissed.

                “Did you tell your professor?”

                “She was out because of a meeting. Some random professor from the biology department sat in to make sure no one cheated, and he didn’t have any spares,” Matt explains. “He made told me I could turn in what I got done and get credit for that, or take a zero.” The young man looked ready to kill as he violently tore at a chunk of tender.

                Shiro let out a low whistle. “Are you going to ask if you can retake the quiz?”

                Matt shrugged, his mouth still half-full. “Sen’ an email af’er I lef’ class. Hafen’ heard anyfing back ye’.”

                “I’m sorry.”

                “’S fine. My grade in ‘ha class ‘s high enough ‘ha one quiz won’ fai’ me.”

                “Still, that’s not a good reason for them to make you take a bad grade.”

                Matt finally swallowed his food before fixing Shiro with an exasperated look. “Shiro, I think we both know university professors don’t give a single shit.”

                Shiro hummed. “Some of them. Most of mine have been pretty good, though. Your dad and Instructor Con are especially flexible when it comes to small things like that, like when your dad let me test on the simulator outside of class since I was sick the day I was supposed to do it.”

                Matt shrugged again. “I guess Rift can be pretty flexible sometimes, too. Still kinda’ pissed, though.” He squinted while scrutinizing his next chicken tender, then glanced at Shiro. “I need to cuddle Eurus ASAP before I commit homicide.”

                “As long as the homicide and getting into my dorm to cuddle Eurus aren’t related, do as you wish.”

                “Will you help me hide the body?”

                “I’ll visit you in prison.”

                “At least smuggle in some video games for me.”

                “Sure, nerd.”

                Matt stuck out his tongue, then turned his focus back to his food in a failed attempt to hide the amused upturn of his lips.

                The pair finished their meals in silence, eyes scanning the room absentmindedly, then they dumped their trash and left the cafeteria.

                “Why the fuck is it so cold,” Matt groaned. He hunched over and crossed his arms tightly across his chest.

                “Because its February and you aren’t wearing a proper coat.” Shiro eyed the hoodie Matt wore, dotted with snowflakes that drifted lazily down from the sky. He could see Matt shivering lightly beneath the thin material, and without thinking, unzipped his coat and set in on Matt’s shoulders.

                Matt blinked in surprise when the weight of Shiro’s coat settled on him. “What—”

                “I’d prefer to not need to stick you in my microwave when we get to my dorm because you froze on the way there.” Shiro stuck his hands in his pocket and desperately tried to convince himself that concern for a friend was the only factor behind his decision, which left his right arm aching as the metal fused to his skin rapidly lost temperature.  

                “What about you? I don’t think I could fit you in a microwave.”

                “Try the stove. It’s got a little more real estate.” His words were a joke, though the warmth that crept across Shiro’s skin as he glanced at Matt draped in his slightly-too-big coat was not. The heat was more than enough to ward of the chill of the air. Silently, Shiro added ‘Matt in my jacket’ to the growing mental list of things that told him Matt may not merely be a friend.

                Unfortunately, the warmth that had flooded Shiro’s skin and made his ears scorching hot was washed away by bitter cold fear that nearly made him pause mid-step when he noticed a familiar figure walking toward them.

                Tarker’s gaze was on his phone in his hands as he tapped at the screen with his thumbs and wandered slowly down the sidewalk. He appeared engrossed in whatever he was doing, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t look up any second and meet Shiro’s stunned gaze.

                Before anything could go wrong, Shiro turned off the sidewalk he and Matt were on, veering down another path. He grabbed Matt’s arm and lightly tugged him with him.

                “Wha-“ Matt began, stumbling as his body suddenly changed direction. However, he silenced immediately when his eyes landed on Shiro’s grim expression.

                Shiro didn’t realize his pace had hastened significantly until his panic began to subside and he noticed Matt struggling to keep up next to him.

                “Oh, uh, sorry,” Shiro mumbled as he slowed to a normal walking pace.

                Matt’s lips turned down in a concerned frown that matched his furrowed brow. “It’s okay,” he assured. Matt glanced discreetly over his shoulder at Tarker, whose gaze had never left his phone. He eyed Tarker suspiciously before returning his attention to Shiro. “Is something wrong?”

                Shiro took a discreet slow breath to calm his racing heart before answering. “It’s nothing. I just—” he glanced back at Tarker, who was now almost completely out of sight. “That guy is a military recruiter. He visited my classes yesterday looking for students who were interested in enlisting. He took an interest in me because my grades in aviation are good, but I don’t have any intention to take up his offer to join.”

                “Oh yeah,” Matt mumbled, biting his lip in thought. “My dad said something about that a few days ago. He told me the military was sending an official recruiter to the school. It’s probably because my dad is retired and not as pushy as official recruiters have to be. I guess dad is less of a recruiter and more of a guide telling you where you need to go if you ask.”

                “Yeah.” Tarker was no longer in sight, and Shiro felt his muscles relax. “Tarker—that guy—isn’t rude or anything, though. He’s pretty nice, actually. I just—like you said, the recruiters have to be pushy. I don’t doubt that he’ll keep trying to convince me to change my mind if he gets the chance, but I’m really not interested, so I’m just trying to keep my distance from him,” Shiro explained. He scrubbed roughly at his hair, which was damp from the snowflakes that had landed and melted on it.

                Matt nodded and hummed. “Well, if my dad says anything to me about that guy wanting to recruit you, I’ll let him know you aren’t interested,” he promised. “I doubt…Tarker, was it? I doubt he’ll ask me anything about you. I haven’t met him, and even if I do, he won’t know we’re friends unless he sees us together or my dad tells him. Either way, if anyone asks, I’ll pass your message along.”

                A small smile tugged at Shiro’s lips, and the slightest bit of warmth returned to his chest. “Thank you,” he said quietly, earning another nod from Matt. A slight pang of guilt thrummed in Shiro’s heart. Technically he hadn’t lied, but he didn’t tell the full truth, either. Hiding things from Matt never made him feel anything but nauseous and guilty, though Shiro consoled himself with the silent promise to tell Matt everything someday. One day, he would be ready. One day, he would tell Matt everything about himself. One day, he wouldn’t have to lie and hide things anymore. All that was left to do when that day came was to hope Matt wouldn’t resent him for his secrets or begin to see him as something constantly on the verge of shattering.

                Too distracted by his own worries and distress, Shiro failed to notice the slight tension that had taken hold of Matt’s features and the way the IT student’s hands clenched into fists at his sides as the forbidden knowledge in Matt’s mind came back to the forefront of his thoughts. Of course Shiro wasn’t interested in the air force. He’d already been there, and while Matt didn’t know all the details, he knew it hadn’t ended well. Matt’s fingers twitched toward his phone in his pocket. Maybe he should call Keith later and ask if Shiro would be okay with Tarker around, or if Matt should keep the recruiter as far from his friend as he could manage.

-000-

                Neither Matt nor Shiro spoke again until they reached Shiro’s dorm, where Matt darted inside and immediately ran through the entire space in search of Eurus after kicking off his shoes at the door. “Where’s my babyyyy~?”

                An amused huff slipped from Shiro’s nose as he followed Matt to his room and leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest and a content smirk on his face while he watched Matt pick Eurus up off the bed and all but throw himself on the floor with her clutched in his arms. Surprisingly, Eurus didn’t so much as squirm. It seemed she liked Matt enough to put up with his dramatic affection. Meanwhile, Shiro’s coat lay abandoned on the floor beside them where it had slipped off Matt’s shoulders.

                “My failed quiz doesn’t matter. Nothing matters. My depression is cured. I can die happy now,” Matt declared as he curled up on his side around Eurus.

                “Do you want me to make sure that get’s put on your tombstone? Here lies Matthew Holt. He died happy because he got to cuddle someone else’ cat. No depression, no being upset over a failed quiz. Just cat,” he stated flatly.

                “Mmph.” Matt’s hum of agreement was muffled as he buried his face in Eurus’ fur.

                Shiro pushed away from the door frame and crossed the short distance between him and Matt, nudging his friend’s back with his foot. “Are you still alive or do I need to start on the tombstone thing?”

                “I’m dead.”

                “Okay, but if Eurus eats your corpse, I’m not taking responsibility for it,” Shiro warned as he picked his coat up off the floor and tossed it on the end of his bed.

                Matt looked up at Shiro in mock horror. “The audacity. You should give her more treats, so then she won’t be hungry, and she won’t eat my corpse.”

                “Ha.” Shiro snorted. “I’m already giving her too many treats. Last time I took her to the vet they lectured me because she was too fat.”

                “What the fuck she is perfect!” Matt hissed before promptly sticking his face back in Eurus’ fur.

                Vaguely, Shiro heard Matt mumble something along the lines of ‘my chubby queen’ though Matt’s voice was again muffled as Eurus stretched out lazily on his face.

                Another chuckle escaped Shiro, and for just a moment, all his worries disappeared.

Chapter Text

“Do you know if Shiro has any interest in joining the Air Force?”

Matt nearly choked on his dinner. After taking a moment to clear his throat, he blinked and looked to his dad, who was watching him intently. His mom and sister had both turned their attention to him as well from the other side of the table, leaving Matt feeling like he was under interrogation. Stiffly, he shook his head.

“Uh, no. No, I don’t think so,” Matt mumbled awkwardly. He fixed his eyes on his plate and poked at the steamed broccoli that remained on it.

Sam nodded and leaned back in his chair after setting down his fork. The man had a troubled look on his face that did not go unnoticed by the other Holts.

Pidge was the first to break the silence. “Is something wrong, dad?” she asked quietly. However, while she was speaking to Sam, her eyes remained on Matt.

“I don’t know.” Sam ran a stressed hand through his short, greying hair. “I’ve been acting as a liaison for students at the university who are interested in joining the military—the air force, more specifically. There’s an actual recruiter on campus right now, though, and he’s… Well, he’s a recruiter,” he explained. “I never pushed students into it, especially since I’m well-aware that the military isn’t for everyone. This recruiter, though, has been very enthusiastic about the aviation students, especially Shiro.”

“Because he’s top of the class?” Matt asked quietly. His gaze remained on his plate, though he could see Sam nod out of the corner of his eye.

“I remember seeing him approach Shiro after class the day he first came in to talk to the students about their options if they were thinking about enlisting. Shiro was…odd. I couldn’t hear them when they talked, but just looking at them, I could see that something was bothering Shiro. I just hope he doesn’t feel pressured.”

Matt was quiet for a moment, then—“You’re talking about Tarker, right? The recruiter?”

Sam’s gaze flew to his son, his eyes widening a fraction in surprise. “Yes. Yes, I am. How do you know him?”

“I—” Matt paused for a second. Was it really his place to say anything? He didn’t want to cause Shiro trouble, but then again, maybe Sam could get Tarker to forget about Shiro altogether. Matt asking Sam to talk to Tarker about Shiro could raise questions, but… “I saw him while I was with Shiro on campus.”

Sam’s brow furrowed, but he said nothing. Instead, he nodded to prompt Matt to continue.

“As soon as Shiro saw Tarker, he immediately changed course. He was all quiet and zoned out for a minute, then he told me Tarker was a nice guy, just…pushy, and Shiro wanted to keep his distance because he doesn’t have any interest in enlisting, but Tarker doesn’t seem like he’s ready to give up on trying to change his mind,” Matt explained vaguely.

Sam’s expression became strained, though the look faded as he cleared his throat and schooled his features. “Well, if Shiro has any trouble with Tarker, let him know he can talk to me about it. Tarker is a good kid who’s just doing his job, and I’m sure he’ll be willing to give Shiro space if I ask him too,” Sam said with a nod toward Matt, who nodded stiffly in response.

An awkward silence fell over the table, and Matt fought the urge to twitch. He knew his family was unaware that he hadn’t shared all the details on Shiro’s situation with Tarker, and he could see that their attention had shifted away from him, but he still felt like they were all staring into his soul. He felt like they somehow knew even though there was no way they could have. It made his skin crawl until he couldn’t sit still any longer.

“I, uh… I’ve got some homework to finish,” Matt mumbled as he lightly pushed back his chair and stood. He kept his eyes on his plate so he wouldn’t have to meet the questioning gazes of his family members as he brought his dishes to the sink, cleaned them, then walked to his room as quickly as he could without breaking into a run.

When Matt shut his bedroom door behind him, he sagged against it with a heavy sigh. His heart was racing in his chest. Why? He hadn’t said anything he wasn’t supposed to. He hadn’t given away secrets. His family knew nothing but what he had told them. Shiro’s secrets were safe, as was Matt’s hidden knowledge that he wasn’t meant to know. Only one person knew everything, and that person had no intention of letting the secrets slip yet.

Matt shook the thoughts from his head. It was fine. He was fine. Lingering on his anxieties would do nothing but make them worse.

Dropping unceremoniously on the floor and slumping against the side of his bed, Matt tugged his backpack toward him and dug out his notebooks. He actually did have homework to do, and it would serve as a good distraction from his current turmoil.

Numbers, letters, and equations filled Matt’s vision. They were familiar; almost comforting, in a way. There were times when he got stuck on the most difficult homework questions, but for the most part, math made sense. Numbers were absolute, and Matt knew them inside and out. There were no ‘but’s, no catches, no secrets or endless possibilities. One plus one equals two. Two divided by two equals one. Math was simple.

Unfortunately, as hard as Matt tried to clear his thoughts and focus on his homework, the paper in front of him continued to blur intermittently as his mind wandered. He couldn’t stop thinking about Shiro’s reaction to Tarker. It replayed over and over in his brain, the sight of Shiro’s entire body tensing and his face dropping as the light in his eyes dulled. Shiro had clearly tried to dismiss it afterward, and Matt had gone along with it in favor of letting Shiro relax instead of pushing the issue. However, that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned. Matt hadn’t been able to banish the unease that had taken hold after that close brush with Tarker. He was still afraid, still worried that Tarker’s presence might send Shiro back down the negative spiral he’d taken during the winter break. Even though Shiro was doing well recently, and despite the fact that he was seeing a professional, something could still go wrong.

The flimsy resistance Matt’s brain attempted to mount against his gnawing anxiety was blown away in an instant, and Matt carelessly tossed his homework aside to search his pockets for his phone. He searched his short list of contacts, though he scrolled past Shiro’s number with only a moment of hesitation, instead opening his conversation with Keith. Shiro wasn’t in a good place with Tarker around. It wasn’t the time to drop the massive bomb that was ‘I know about your past, which you haven’t opened up to me about yourself—probably because you aren’t ready to,’ then suddenly dive into a conversation about Tarker. The safest bet would be to confide in someone else instead; someone else who knew.

Matt: Are you busy?

A painfully familiar pang of nausea pulsed in Matt’s gut as he sent the first text. While he was trying to help Shiro, Matt still felt guilty talking about him with his brother behind his back. There was something that felt so wrong about two of the people Shiro trusted most keeping secrets from him—secrets about him. No matter how good their intentions, Matt knew that what they were doing was wrong. He could only console himself with the silent promise to come clean one day when Shiro was in a place where he could handle it—one where he wasn’t already burdened by something else.

Keith: Yeah

Keith: Is something wrong?

Matt: I just had a question

Matt: About Shiro

There was a brief pause.               

Keith: Did something happen?

Matt: No

Matt: Not yet

Matt: There’s an air force recruiter on campus rn

Matt: Hes hell bent on recruiting Shiro since hes top his class

Another pause, this time longer.

Keith: How long will he be there?

Matt: Hes been here for at least a few days already. I think he’ll be here at least another week or two

Keith: How’s Shiro doing with him around?

Matt: Not good

Matt: I was walking with him the other day and when we saw the guy he started walking so fast in the other direction that I almost had to run to keep up

Keith: Has he talked to Shiro directly?

Matt: Yeah. Shiro said he wasnt interested but Tarker wont take no for an answer

Matt: Tarker is the recruiter btw

Keith: Definitely sounds like something a recruiter would do

Matt: Yeah. should I keep him away from Shiro?

Keith: Definitely.

Matt: K

Matt: I already talked to my dad about it but I just told him Shiro just really isn’t interested

Matt: Didn’t say he was already enlisted before

Keith: Good. Thanks

Keith: Its best if he doesn’t put pressure on Shiro by talking to him

Keith: But if you can, try not to let him get a good look at Shiro either

Matt stopped with his thumbs hovering over his screen. He understood taking pressure off of Shiro by keeping Tarker away, but keeping Shiro out of Tarker’s sight as well?

Suddenly, Matt’s heart iced over as an unwelcome, familiar face came to mind. Perhaps he wasn’t the only one with a demon of the past who took the form of one very specific person.

Matt: Did they know each other?

Matt: Like did they have problems when Shiro was still enlisted?

Keith: I don’t really know

Keith: He definitely wasn’t part of Shiro’s team but

Keith: There’s always a chance they might know each other

Keith: I don’t know if Shiro talked much with anyone outside his team but its always possible

Keith: But Shiro should be kept away from him regardless

Matt: Should I ask if they might know each other?

Keith: No

Keith: If Shiro is avoiding him, he doesn’t want to see him regardless of whether or not they knew each other

Keith: Asking might hurt more than it would help

Keith: But even if they didn’t really know each other, he might recognize Shiro anyway

Matt: Was Shiro popular in the air force or something?

Matt: Hes a really good pilot so I wouldn’t be surprised if he stood out

Keith: I guess?

Keith: I don’t really know if I should be confirming that

Keith: But yeah, Shiro was pretty well known

Keith: If this guy is a recruiter he was probably around when Shiro was

Keith: It might be okay if he hasn’t recognized Shiro yet, but being careful is best

Keith: That recruiter won’t stop to think that there’s a reason why no one at the university knows Shiro was in the air force before

Keith: He’ll call him out the second he recognizes him

A chill down his spine made Matt twitch. Shiro hadn’t even told him about being a veteran, and they were friends. If the entire university found out… Matt blinked the thought away before the nausea in his gut could bubble up his throat. He didn’t want to consider the possible consequences of that, not for a moment. Shiro was clearly not comfortable with sharing that part of his past with anyone, especially not strangers. Chances were, it would break him.

Matt: I’ll do what I can

Keith: Thanks. I wish I could be there to help, but Shiro would kill me if I ditched school

Keith: I’m glad there’s someone who can look after him

Matt: Of course. hes my friend, and I owe him

Matt: He already dealt with enough shit from me and the trouble ive gotten into

Matt: The least I can do is look after him

Keith: Thank you, Matt

Keith: If anything else happens, lmk

Keith: I’m always ready to help

Matt: Ofc

Matt: Thanks Keith

Keith: Np

Matt: Btw are you holding up okay?

Matt: I’m here for you too, not just Shiro

Matt: I mean, I consider you a friend too

For a moment, Keith didn’t respond, and Matt worried he’d overstepped a boundary.

Keith: I’m okay

Keith: Tired, but that’s just school

Keith: You good?

Matt: Also tired but good

Keith: I’m glad you’re looking after Shiro, but make sure it’s not too much for you

Keith: As much as I want Shiro to keep doing well, I don’t want you paying the price

Keith: Take care of yourself, too

Keith: We can always figure out something else if we need to

Matt: It’s okay

Matt: I’ll let you know if I have any problems

Keith: K

Keith: I gotta go

Keith: Working on a project w a friend

Keith: Its due tomorrow and we aren’t even halfway done

Matt: Shit

Matt: gl

Keith: thx

Keith: ttyl, and make sure you text me if anything happens

Matt: I will

Matt: Now go do your homework

Matt: Or I’ll tell Shiro to call you and tell you to do it

Keith: Betrayal

Keith: Plz don’t I don’t need a lecture right now

Matt snorted quietly in amusement as he shut off his phone and tossed it aside. He felt much better after talking to Keith, and whether it was knowing there was someone else looking after Shiro or simply being able to vent his worries without causing Shiro stress or guilt that helped him, Matt didn’t care. His anxieties were eased. He was no longer so worried that he thought he was going to get sick. He felt okay.

As Matt picked up his homework again to continue working on it, his thoughts drifted once more. Keith and Shiro were pretty similar in a lot of ways. Both were introverts, both were kind, both eased Matt’s worry. It was nice to have two people to talk to as well, since that meant Matt could vent without dumping every single one of his problems on a single person.

When Matt finished his worksheet, he stuffed the paper and his notebooks back into his bag. He eyed his phone, and after a moment of hesitation, picked it up and scrolled through his contacts again.

Matt: Hey

Matt: Do you wanna hang out after classes tomorrow

Matt: I want to see the new movie that just came out

Matt: The one that’s basically a ninja turtles rip off with cats instead of turtles

A reply came surprisingly quickly.

Shiro: Sure

Shiro: Do you want to meet at the theater or on campus?

Matt: On campus would probably be better

Matt: Outside the aviation building?

Shiro: Sure

Matt: K. cya then 😊

Shiro: yep 😊

They could meet outside the aviation building, go to the theater, and stay far away from Tarker. Shiro wouldn’t have to worry about being exposed, Matt could see the probably-awful ninja cats movie he’d been dying to watch, and the two could simply enjoy a movie and each other’s company without worrying about awkward silences or small talk. The plan was simple enough, and far from difficult or stressful. Both Matt and Shiro could use a break. Maybe a dumb movie was exactly what they needed.

Chapter Text

                Ten minutes before noon, Matt stopped outside the aviation building. He glanced around the entrance with a look of uncertainty, then stared at the doors. They’d agreed to meet outside the building, but Matt hadn’t expected to be let out of his class early enough that he would arrive with time to spare. It was ten degrees below freezing outside, and Matt’s coat and scarf could only do so much to keep him warm. His legs felt frozen in his jeans, and snow had made its way into his sneakers.

                After a moment of contemplating, Matt tugged open the doors and stepped inside. He immediately approached the wall and pressed his back to it to ensure he would be out of the way if anyone needed to pass through, then shuffled in place in a fight to warm up before Shiro arrived and they had to go back into the cold. Keeping his eyes on the glass doors so he could see who was approaching the building and passing by, Matt waited.

                Just over a minute past noon, voices reached Matt’s ears. He glanced toward the stairway as a group of students descended and made a beeline for the door. Matt recognized them as Shiro’s classmates and was instantly on alert. He glanced out the door for any sign of unwelcome faces, and when he didn’t see the military recruiter in question, he looked back toward the stairs to see if Shiro was among the throng of students. Matt looked back and forth until he spotted a familiar shock of white hair.

                Shiro raised a hand in greeting from behind a group of his classmates, which Matt returned from where he stood by the doors. When Shiro neared, Matt stepped away from the wall and squeezed past the other students to reach his friend, then the two followed the crowd outside.

                “Why is it so cooooold?” Matt groaned as he shoved his hands into his pockets and hunched his shoulders against the chill that clawed its way through his clothes and mercilessly bit his skin.

                Shiro huffed in amusement. “I mean, it is winter.”

                “But it’s too cooooold!”

                “That’s how winter works.”

                “Winter should stop being cold. It should be illegal for the temperature to go below freezing.”

                “So… Climate change?”

                “….”

                Shiro chuckled quietly as he and Matt split away from the other students and started in the direction of Shiro’s dorm building.

                “Stay alive until we get to my car, and I’ll turn the heat on.”

                Matt groaned dramatically in protest, earning him an amused snort from Shiro. However, Matt hardly noticed. His full attention wasn’t on Shiro. Instead, he discreetly scanned their surroundings. No sign of Tarker. Not yet.

-000-

                As promised, Shiro cranked the dial on his car’s heater to max after he and Matt got in.

                “It’ll be a minute before we can leave. Part of the windshield is still frosted over,” Shiro informed as he gestured loosely toward the opaque layer of ice that obscured the bottom-left portion of the windshield.

                “Mmk,” Matt mumbled as he sank low in his seat as if that would warm his body faster. He glanced at Shiro from where he was slumped and narrowed his eyes suspiciously. “How the actual fuck are you not cold?” he asked.

                Shiro raised his eyebrows, then shrugged. “Probably because I’ve got a hell of a lot more insulation than you do,” he guessed, tapping one of his well-muscled biceps.

                “Must be nice to be built like the Hulk.”

                “Hey, you aren’t a twig with legs anymore, either.”

                “But I’m still freezing.”

                “Well, to be fair, I am cold, I just haven’t said anything about it.”

                “Oh, so you’re a masochist?”

                Shiro and Matt stared silently at each other, then the two burst simultaneously into laughter.

                “There… There is no way…I am the masochist!” Shiro wheezed as his laughter subsided. “You’re the one who wants to voluntarily watch Ninja Cats.”

                Matt gasped. “How dare you slander Ninja Cats! It is a work of art!”

                “Sure,” Shiro said as he rolled his eyes in mock exasperation. He glanced at the windshield, which was mostly defrosted, then shifted the car into reverse. “Let’s see if you’re still saying that after we actually watch the movie.”

                Shiro’s car crept backwards out of its parking space, and once it was clear, Shiro threw it into drive and took off.

                In the passenger seat, Matt let out a silent breath as he stared at the unwelcome, familiar figure in the rearview mirror. As Shiro and Matt drove away, Tarker jogged past Shiro’s dorm building unaware of the students who had been sitting in the parking lot mere moments ago.

-000-

                “So, are you gonna admit the movie was bad yet or…?” Shiro trailed off three days later as he and Matt walked to the university’s cafeteria.

                “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Matt insisted, his voice slightly muffled by the scarf that obscured half his face.

                Shiro sighed. “Two and a half hours of shitty CGI and cats with sword claws isn’t a good movie.”

                “Sword claws are awesome and you are a liar.”

                “Okay, fine. Sword claws are cool, but everything else sucked.”

                “Nope.”

                “Yes.”

                “No.”

                “Yes.”

                “N-“

                Matt abruptly cut off, paused, then nudged Shiro down another sidewalk perpendicular to their own.

                “What are you-“ Shiro began, though he stopped when he glanced back and noticed who was approaching from the direction they had been going in. Tarker. His eyes were downcast, his gaze fixed on his phone.

                Shiro and Matt followed the snow-packed sidewalk in a long detour around an open swath of snow-covered grass, arcing around until they were back on their original path.

                “Thanks,” Shiro said quietly, just loud enough for Matt to hear.

                The two continued their walk in silence until they reached the cafeteria, then they got their food and settled at an empty table along the wall.

                The silence continued as the two dug into their meals, both hungry after their morning classes. It was Shiro who spoke first as he balled up the wrapper of his first burger.

                “Thanks again—for noticing Tarker,” he said. He stared at the wrapper in his hands for a moment as if he was lost in thought, then dropped it on his tray and turned his gaze to Matt. “You’ve been taking that pretty seriously. Watching out for Tarker, I mean.”

                Matt nodded slowly. “Yeah. I just, uh, I’m trying to be careful.”

                “Well, I appreciate it.” Shiro’s head bobbed and his eyes searched the table in front of him as if the words he wanted to say were hidden on it somewhere. “Just, uh, I hope you aren’t stressing yourself out, or anything. Honestly, it seems like you’re even more attentive about this than I am. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t want you to stress over it or anything.”

                Matt nodded again, but this time he didn’t say anything. Shiro wasn’t exactly prying for a motive, but Matt felt compelled to explain himself. How, though? He couldn’t just say, ‘oh yeah I just want to make sure Tarker doesn’t recognize you and tell the world that you were in the Air Force, or about whatever happened to you there that you’re so determined to keep to yourself that literally no one but your brother knows about it, apparently’. After all, Shiro wasn’t the only one who was keeping secrets.

                Secrets. Wait. That gave Matt an idea. It wasn’t exactly a secret, per say, but something he’d never brought up before. Something that contributed to Matt’s determination to keep Tarker off Shiro’s back, even if it wasn’t his primary reason.

                “Yeah, but, I just… I get it,” Matt admitted, earning himself a curious look from Shiro.

                “What?” Shiro asked tentatively.

                Matt shrugged. “Recruiters. The pestering. Constantly trying to change your mind. Won’t take ‘no’ for an answer.” His gaze fell to the half-eaten container of chili on his tray, which he poked at with his spoon.

                Shiro sat back, blinking, then leaned forward in his chair with a furrowed brow and his chin propped up on one hand. “They’ve tried to recruit you?” he asked,

                Matt nodded again. “Holt,” he stated simply, though when Shiro’s uncertain expression didn’t fade, he elaborated. “You know how the army always sends recruiters from different branches to high schools to try to get teenagers to enlist? They came to my high schools. Both of them.” Matt scooped up a spoonful of chili, but his appetite was gone. Quinn had been, by far, the worst experience of his high school career. That didn’t mean he was the only problem Matt had faced, though.

                “Yeah?” Shiro bit the inside of his cheek. Of course he knew about those recruiters. After all, it had been an Air Force recruiter visiting his school who’d convinced him to enlist. Shiro hadn’t signed up immediately, but the recruiter had put the idea in his head and taken Shiro’s contact information. He had been the first step.

                “So they call out to you…and they ask what your name is.”

                Realization struck Shiro like a truck. “Your dad.”

                “Yep.” Matt bit his lip and finally set down his spoon. “I guess he was pretty well-known. It seemed like everyone respected him, and that meant they knew him, too. Didn’t matter what branch it was. The moment I said ‘Holt,’ they asked if I knew him. Since I was an idiot, I told the first one who asked that he was my dad. I never mentioned it to any others, but I guess word got around that Samuel Holt’s son was at one of the local high schools. As soon as a recruiter realized who I was, they wouldn’t leave me alone. Everyone wanted General Holt’s son in their branch. I was kinda surprised any of them believed I could be a soldier like my dad, considering I was an extra-small walking noodle back then, but I guess my dad was never a huge guy, either.”

                “Did you talk to your dad about it? Ask him to get them off your back?” Shiro asked.

                Matt shook his head and scrubbed tiredly at his face. “No. No, I didn’t. I didn’t want to bother him, and I didn’t want to worry my family, either. My dad’s experience in the service wasn’t awful, but it still sticks with him. After all he’s been through, him and my mom didn’t want my sister or I to enlist, and even though I had no intention of doing it, I thought they might still get worried. Plus, I didn’t want to make my dad feel like he needed to contact everyone he knew to tell their recruiters to leave me alone. I know he would have done it in a heartbeat if I asked, but I didn’t him to go through the trouble.” Matt paused. “There was Quinn, too.”

                Shiro blinked. “What did Quinn have to do with it?”

                “Nothing,” Matt insisted. “At least, nothing directly related to the recruiters. I was more worried that, if I said I was having issues with the recruiters at school, my parents might dig too deep and find out about Quinn. The last thing I wanted them to know out about was Quinn, so I kept my mouth shut.”

                Shiro’s gaze fell. “I’m sorry, Matt.” A cold feeling pooled in his gut. He wished he had been there. He wished he could have helped Matt deal with Quinn sooner. He wished he could have kept the recruiters off Matt’s back. He wished someone as kind as Matt could have had a much better life than the one he had lived so far. Matt deserved so much better than the hardships he’d been dealt.

                Matt offered a small half-smile. “It’s okay. The issue with the recruiters ended after I changed schools, anyway. None of them knew where I went, and luckily none of the ones who knew my face ever got sent to my new school. I’d learned my lesson, so if anyone asked, I had no idea who General Holt was. I didn’t have to worry about Quinn there, either.” He picked up his spoon again, forcing his stomach to accept another bite of chili as he tried to shrug off the heavy atmosphere that had settled over him and Shiro. “It’s okay, though. It was pretty much just annoying for me, but I still kind of get how you feel.”

                Shiro nodded slowly, and his gaze fell. The sight made Matt’s stomach tighten nauseatingly. Making Shiro feel worse by dumping more weight on his shoulders hadn’t been Matt’s intention at all. He’d only been trying to give a convincing reason as to why he was so fixated on keeping Shiro and Tarker apart that was unrelated to the things he wasn’t supposed to know.

                Under the table, Matt lightly kicked at Shiro’s foot to get his attention. “Besides, nothing is more painful than sitting through the entirety of Ninja Cats.”

                “Oh, so now you’re ready to admit it was awful?” Shiro asked. His mood seemed to turn around completely in that moment as the light returned to his eyes. The sight turned Matt’s smirk into a grin.

                “Fine! You win! Yes, it was complete shit. It was the shittiest of all shit. No shittier thing has ever been made. Eleven shits out of ten shits.”

                “Is ‘shit’ the only adjective you know?”

                “I know ‘fuck’ too, but that isn’t an adjective.”

                “I think it can be anything, actually.”

                “Really? Fuck, fucking… Fucking fuck?” Matt glanced at Shiro expectantly.

                Shiro rolled his eyes, though the corner of his lips curved up. “Stop swearing before we get kicked out of the cafeteria.”

                “Try me, bitch,” Matt challenged a little too loudly, earning him a glare from another student a few tables down. He slid down in his seat. “Uh, never mind. Don’t try me. I don’t wanna get kicked out. It’s cold as fuck.” The student sent Matt another sharp glare.

                “And on that note, we should probably go,” Shiro recommended, standing abruptly. He looked at Matt expectantly, and the IT student sighed in defeat before rising slowly to his feet.

                The pair cleaned up the remnants of their meal and ventured outside with slight hesitancy on Matt’s part. The wind was just as cold as it had been earlier. It wormed its way up Matt’s sleeves and through his scarf, leaving him shivering and sniffling as he and Shiro walked.

                “Do we need to go back inside somewhere?” Shiro asked when Matt sneezed loudly at his side. His eyed his friend with a glint of concern in his eyes.

                Matt shook his head. “Nah, I’m—” he cut off suddenly when he was seized by another sneeze.

                The pair had been wandering aimlessly to kill time together, but it was clearly too cold to continue. While Shiro himself wasn’t suffering from anything more than a mild ache in his right arm, he didn’t want Matt to get sick from staying out in the cold with him too long. “Let’s go back to my dorm for a bit. My next class doesn’t start for a few hours anyway.”

                Matt opened his mouth to refuse, but it slammed shut when he once again caught a familiar face exiting a nearby building. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” he mumbled under his breath as he nudged Shiro in the opposite direction.

                “Hm?” Shiro followed Matt’s gaze until his eyes landed on Tarker and widened a fraction. He immediately turned away so Tarker wouldn’t notice him if he looked up.

                “Did they send fifty extra clones of the same guy? I swear the dude is everywhere,” Matt complained under his breath. “At least he’s always looking at his phone, so he doesn’t see us.”

                Shiro nodded. “Thankfully I haven’t seen much of him lately, even in class.” He glanced hopefully at Matt. “Maybe he’s leaving soon.”

                Matt shook his head and shrugged the best he could with his coat and scarf weighing heavy on his shoulders as he glanced back at Tarker one last time. “I hope so.”

Chapter Text

                Following an uneasy weekend full of suspicious glances and careful scans of his and Shiro’s surroundings on campus, Matt awoke Tuesday morning to the best news he’d received all semester.

                “I’m driving you to school today on my way to work. Your dad had to go in early to help that recruiter get his things together before he leaves this morning,” Colleen told her son as he stumbled tiredly out of his room and into the kitchen.

                In an instant, the haze of sleep that hung over Matt’s brain dissipated. Tarker was leaving. Tarker was leaving. No more worrying about Shiro. No more looking over his shoulder for any sign of Tarker. No more hiding, dodging, stress, or tension. It was over. They could finally relax.

                After helping his mom make breakfast, Matt sat down at the kitchen table and nibbled on his bacon as he dug his phone out of his pocket. He excitedly unlocked it and began to scroll through his contacts.

                “Matt, no phones at the table,” Colleen reminded.

                “I know, I’ll be just a sec. I’m texting Shiro to see if he wants to meet up after my class.”

                At the sound of Shiro’s name, Colleen’s face softened, as did her tone. “Alright, but phone away when you’re done.”

                Matt nodded. He quickly typed out a text and sent it to Shiro before slipping his phone back into his pocket, then he focused on finishing his breakfast. The wait was over. There would be no more Tarker to send Shiro to hell on Earth on a road he’d paved with good intentions, and Shiro would never have to find out about Matt and Keith’s secret conversations. Finally, nothing stood in their way anymore.

-000-

                Matt had to put forth conscious effort to suppress the urge to bounce his leg in the last twenty minutes of class. Energy pulsed in his veins and hummed under his skin. He couldn’t help but glance at the clock every other minute as if doing so would make the time pass faster. As much as he loved his computer class and his job—which he unfortunately hadn’t been working much in recent weeks due to a lack of clients— Matt wanted nothing more than to stroll around on the snow-covered streets of campus with Shiro while breathing Tarker-free air.

                When the class was dismissed, Matt was the first out of his seat. He didn’t stop to so much as stuff his notebook back into his bag. Instead, he scooped it up and carried it out of the classroom with him.

                “Hey.”

                Matt whipped his gaze in the direction of a familiar voice that called out to him over the chatter of his classmates. Shiro stood alongside the wall, partially leaning his weight against it as he waited with his gloved hands tucked casually into the pockets of his jeans.

                As Matt approached, Shiro nodded toward the window beside him, which offered a full view of the rather small classroom. “You were so jittery in the last ten minutes that I would have thought you had fire ants in your shoes if, y’know, if it wasn’t winter and there were actually fire ants inside the school,” Shiro joked.

                Matt shrugged. “I guess I was just…antsy.”

                Shiro snorted loudly and rolled his eyes, drawing the attention of a few of Matt’s classmates as they trickled out of the classroom, though he didn’t notice them. His attention was focused on Matt’s toothy grin as his friend laughed at his own joke.

                “Okay,” Matt began when his laughter subsided and he finally caught his breath, “but seriously, I got pretty excited when I found out Tarker was leaving this morning. I swear, his one-hundred-million clones have been breathing down our necks for ages. I’ve been looking forward to hanging out with you without needing to look over our shoulders every five seconds all day.”

                “Me too,” Shiro agreed. He sighed heavily and scrubbed his face. “Tarker has had me on edge ever since he first showed up in my class. I feel bad saying this, since he really did seem like a genuinely nice guy, but I’ve been hoping he would pack up and leave ever since the first time he called me out to talk one-on-one.”

                Matt reached out and lightly tapped Shiro’s leg with his foot to get his attention, then flashed his friend a smile. “Well, Tarker is gone and we’ve got the rest of the day. What’re we doing first?”

-000-

                Of all the things Shiro and Matt could have done now that Tarker was gone, the last thing Matt expected was to end up in the aviation building scouring Shiro’s classroom for the scarf he’d accidentally left behind after class the previous day.

                “I didn’t even realize it was gone until Con emailed me about it last night. He said he stashed it in the front desk, but…” Shiro trailed off as he pulled open each drawer on said desk only to find that they were all empty.

                Matt weaved between the rows of tables as his eyes scanned every surface for Shiro’s missing scarf. “Are you sure he didn’t mean his desk in his office? I can call my dad—found it!” Matt crouched next to a small table that had been pushed against the back wall of the room and reached for Shiro’s scarf, which sat in a half-folded mess on the floor beneath it.

                “How the hell did it get back there?” Shiro asked as he jogged to the back of the room. He took the scarf when Matt held it out to him, though ultimately decided against putting it on and instead shoved it into his pocket. “I should probably wash it before I wear it again.”

                “Definitely,” Matt agreed. “If you don’t know where something has been on a college campus, just…don’t.”

                Shiro’s face scrunched up in discomfort as his entire body cringed. “Why would you ever think putting that thought in literally anyone’s head is a good idea?”

                “It’s for your own good, considering it’s the truth.”

                “You’re gross.”

                “Hey, I know where I and all of my clothes have been on this campus. I am actually very far from gross right now.”

                “That is literally worse than what you said before.”

                Matt threw his hands up in surrender as he and Shiro left the classroom. “What, do we need to bleach your brain now? Drink Clorox like the cool kids?”

                Shiro grimaced. “Is that what kids these days do on social media?”

                “I mean, there was the whole Tide Pods thing—”

                “O-kay, I don’t think I actually want to hear you finish that sentence,” Shiro interrupted.

                “You know you sound like an old man sometimes, right?”

                “If being an old man means I don’t have to eat or drink highly toxic cleaning chemicals, then yes, I am an old man.”

                Matt snorted, then followed Shiro down the stairs to the ground level of the building. The pair were halfway to the main entrance when a door opened in front of them and made them halt mid-step so they wouldn’t collide with the person who walked out from behind it.

                “Oh, sorry about that. I didn’t see you coming,” Tarker apologized as he stepped clear of the door and let it slowly close behind him.

                Matt blinked. His mouth went dry and he felt his heart clench painfully while his stomach went cold at the sight of Tarker. “You…haven’t left yet…” he breathed, though he hadn’t intended to say the words aloud. Once he realized he did, he scrambled to think of a kinder follow-up. “I, uh, I just heard from my dad, Sam Holt, that you were leaving this morning. I’m just, um, surprised to see you’re still here.”

                Tarker nodded and held up a file he’d had tucked under his arm. “I was supposed to leave about an hour ago, yes, but I realized I’d forgotten a folder and swung by the building to pick it up before I head out.” When he finished, his gaze switched from Matt to Shiro, and his eyes narrowed.

                Shiro stood frozen in Tarker’s gaze as if he was a deer and Tarker’s eyes were headlights approaching too quickly for him to move out of the way. His expression was tense, but otherwise unreadable.

                Before Matt could try to draw Tarker’s attention away from Shiro, Tarker suddenly snapped his fingers. His eyes widened and filled with recognition.

                “You’re…You’re Shirogane, right? Takashi Shirogane?” Tarker’s lips pulled up into a friendly smile, and he shook his head lightly. “You look a lot different than you used to, but I can’t believe I didn’t recognize your name the whole time I was here! You’re Captain Takashi Shirogane! It’s an honor to meet you, sir, and I apologize for not recognizing you sooner.”

                Shiro nodded stiffy, but said nothing.

                “The circumstances of your discharge were unfortunate, but still, you’re a legend, sir. Myself and many others in the force all look up to you. Your talent is unmatched to this day. The air force hasn’t seen a single rookie or veteran capable of what you did while in the service. I—”

                Matt hoped the way his entire body felt like it was quaking wasn’t visible as he stepped between Shiro and Tarker. He was a few inches too short to hide Shiro completely, but when he straightened his back, raised his chin, and squared his shoulders, it was enough to obscure part of Shiro’s face from Tarker’s view.

                “Uh, sorry,” Matt began shakily. He paused to clear his throat and give himself a moment to calm down. When he spoke again, his tone was much more even, and he plastered an apologetic smile across his lips. “We actually have somewhere to go. We’re running a little bit late, actually, and just had to swing by to pick something up from my dad’s office,” Matt lied smoothly. With one hand he discreetly searched the space behind him until he found Shiro’s arm, then latched on. “Have a safe trip home!” he said as he sidestepped around Tarker and dragged Shiro with him down the hall. As he left, Matt didn’t allow himself to look over his shoulder at Tarker, who remained in place as he watched them leave with a bewildered expression.

                Outside, Shiro and Matt barely made it out of view of the building’s front doors before Shiro suddenly yanked his arm out of Matt’s grip. He did so with such intense, uninhibited strength that Matt stumbled.

                Matt barely managed to regain his footing before he turned to face Shiro, who was walking in long, quick strides in any direction except the one that would take him to Matt.

                “Shiro, wait!” Matt called as he jogged after his friend, though Shiro didn’t so much as pause. He continued onward as if he hadn’t heard Matt. “Wait!” Matt yelled as he caught up enough to grab Shiro’s arm again, though the moment he did, Shiro whirled around and ripped his arm away again with even more force than he had before.

                Time seemed to slow down as the pair’s gazes met for the first time since they ran into Tarker. Matt’s eyes were wide and panicked. Shiro’s eyes were downright terrifying. The fear of a wounded animal staring into the gaping maw of a predator, the rage of a provoked beast, and the raw pain of sutures ripped violently open mixed together in a dark stew of anxiety that bled out onto Shiro’s tense, twisted expression. Quick, shallow breaths made his nostrils flare like a bull’s, and his hands clenched into fists at his side.

                For a moment, the sight made Matt stop. He was somewhat afraid, yes, but that was far from his primary concern. He had seen the look on Shiro’s face before, painted across far different, but just as familiar features. It was a vague memory from Matt’s childhood he could hardly recall, all except that brief glimpse at his father’s face that had seared itself into Matt’s brain. Samuel Holt hadn’t left the military unscathed. Even years later, he suffered from invisible wounds. Once upon a time when Matt was a small child and Pidge was too young to remember, Sam had one of his worst episodes. Matt remembered little but his father’s expression, which stared back at him on Shiro in the present. It was the expression of someone who had shattered when too many straws had piled up only for a solid brick of concrete to come crashing down on the camel’s crippled back.

                Matt took a step forward, and Shiro growled and stepped back in return. Any glimmer of trust that had once glinted in his eyes when he looked at Matt was gone, replaced with fear and suspicion. No number of assurances would ease what Shiro felt. Perhaps no words would be able to reach him at all. Any kind of physical contact was clearly not an option, either. Whatever he was supposed to do to fix this, fix them, Matt had no idea.

                Like bile, a bitter confession rose up in Matt’s throat. It burned. He felt himself choking as he waged an internal debate against himself of whether or not to let the truth out. It might do nothing. It might make the situation worse. It might hurt Shiro more, and even damage his trust in Matt to a point beyond repair. However, it was the truth. It was something Shiro deserved to know; something Matt shouldn’t have kept from him at all. Sooner or later, it would have to come out. What difference would it make if Matt simply said the words now? Either it would save them, or destroy them, and whichever outcome the future would bring was out of Matt’s hands.

                At first, he mumbled. Matt’s voice was so quiet that he couldn’t hear himself over the deafening sound of his heart thumping wildly in his ears. He needed to be louder. He tried to look at Shiro, but he found himself unable to meet his friend’s eyes. He couldn’t say the words and see what they did to Shiro, good or bad, not that he could see through the blur of tears that had pooled in his eyes anyway.

                Matt took a deep breath. His eyes slid shut. He felt something hot slip down his cheek as he hung his head and breathed. In. Out. In.

                “I already knew.”

Chapter Text

                “How long?”

                Matt couldn’t open his mouth to answer the question. Instead, he pulled his knees tighter against his chest as he sat on the floor in Shiro’s room. The lump in Matt’s throat swelled until he couldn’t swallow without choking on it. He felt sick. He was dizzy and his head throbbed painfully behind his eyes. He desperately wanted to get up and run as far and as fast as he could until his legs gave out beneath him and his lungs burned like they were filled with smolder coals. Matt didn’t move, though. He couldn’t. The guilt that dusted his tongue in chalk, twisted his stomach, and numbed his heart had already drained every ounce of energy from his body.

                “Matt.”

                Shiro sat cross-legged a few cautious feet away from Matt. Even as he called Matt’s name, he didn’t look up from the floor where he had been staring since the two first sat down. His eyes hadn’t so much as touched Matt since the incident at the aviation building, not once. His tone was flat and empty the two times he’d spoken since then, too. There was no anger, nor fear. There was nothing, and somehow that was worse than any amount of rage.

                Matt had managed a few brief glances at Shiro before it became too painful to bear. He’d seen Shiro’s unreadable expression, absent of everything. It was an impenetrable wall. However, it was the guarded look in Shiro’s eyes that Matt had never seen before that hurt most of all. Those were the eyes of someone who didn’t trust the person in front of them.

                “S-Since winter break.”

                Matt winced at his own stutter when his answer finally clawed its way out of his throat.

                “How?”

                Shiro’s next question made Matt’s blood run cold. His body went rigid and his eyes widened as realization struck him stiff; he wasn’t the only one who would be facing consequences. Matt had gotten his information from somewhere. He hadn’t put together the pieces all on his own. Shiro knew someone had told Matt about his history with the Air Force, and Matt doubted Shiro would allow him to keep his sources to himself.

                Matt’s mouth opened, but nothing came out except a strangled breath. It was his fault that Shiro had found out about his secrets. To drag another person under the bus with him felt wrong. He couldn’t bring himself to speak. He couldn’t tell Shiro how the whole situation had first begun. He couldn’t tell Shiro that it had all started with worry, a phone call, and a slip-up.

                Shiro’s next words made Matt’s head jerk up.

                “Was it Keith?”

                Utter silence fell over the room. Matt’s breath stopped as his heart skipped a beat and a fresh wave of guilt-infused horror washed over him.

                “H-How did you…? Matt breathed hoarsely.

                Shiro’s gaze remained fixed on the floor.

                “Few people know what I did before I came here. Not even my teachers are aware. The only ones who know anything are Keith, the McClain’s, and some of Keith’s friends. I doubt you happened to run into the McClains, and I’m sure you don’t know any of Keith’s other friends, so…”

                Matt’s shoulders slumped in defeat, and he let his head fall into his knees. “It’s not his fault,” he muttered. It took him a moment to realize how muffled his voice was even his own ears, then he raised his head without looking up and spoke again. “It’s not Keith’s fault.”

                Shiro said nothing, so Matt continued.

                “I called you a few times during the break. I was getting worried after we met up on Christmas Eve. You seemed off. One time when I called, Keith answered your phone. I just told him you’d seemed upset recently and asked if you were okay. That’s when he said you weren’t, and he told me—” Matt paused and shook his head. “He thought I already knew. About you. About the Air Force. He thought you’d already told me, so he said you were struggling because of what happened while you were enlisted.”

                “Did he tell you what happened?”

                Matt chewed on his lip and tightened his arms around his legs. The truth wouldn’t make Shiro happy, but lying would only hurt their shattered trust more. “He, uh… He told me something happened…to your crew. Something went wrong.” His gaze rose and settled on Shiro once again.
“He didn’t really go into detail or anything, though. I don’t know anything else. I promise.”

                Shiro nodded slowly, then, “Najenda?”

                “That…” Matt began, then paused. He closed his eyes and let his head sink. “My dad used to see her when he was first discharged. He goes once in a while now, or more often if he needs to. I gave Keith her information after we talked the first time.”

                “The first time?” Shiro echoed in an empty tone as he picked at his gloves.

                Matt glanced up at Shiro, then back at the floor. He swallowed down the bile that was inching its way up his throat. There were so many things he wanted to say, all of them swirling around in his head so violently that it hurt. There was a torrent of apologies he desperately wanted to scream out until he was forgiven or he lost his voice, whichever came first. However, he couldn’t get them out. The words died halfway up his throat as if the air he breathed killed them at the moment of contact. He couldn’t bring himself to care much about that, though, because perhaps some part of him knew that no number of apologies would right his wrongs.

                “I…I’m sorry,” Matt whispered, then quieted. There was nothing else to say. He could explain how that situation had started as an accident, but he couldn’t justify keeping silent, nor could he give a good reason as to why he had continued to talk to Keith behind Shiro’s back. Sure, he hadn’t wanted to hurt Shiro when he was finally feeling better. Sure, he hadn’t wanted to risk losing the friendship they had. Matt’s intentions had been good, yes, but that didn’t change the fact that he hadn’t been honest. When their positions were reversed back when Quinn was around, Shiro had always been honest. He had listened to Matt when he spoke and respected his privacy when he went quiet. Matt owed Shiro the same, but he’d failed. Matt knew what it was like to be the one hurting. He knew what it was like to not want someone to know something out of fear that they’d look at him differently and treat him like glass. He knew, and yet, he’d lied anyway.

                Shiro’s silence was deafening. It seemed to roar in Matt’s ears as if he was in the middle of a tornado. He wanted Shiro to say something, anything, even if he was angry. He would rather Shiro yell at him and be pissed than remain silent and devoid of everything that made him, him.

                “I think you should go.”

                Matt’s heart stopped. His entire body stiffened. He didn’t even blink. He was frozen. He was frozen. He was frozen, frozen…and numb. He felt nothing. No fear, no anger, no sadness. There was nothing. He couldn’t even feel his heart in his chest.

                Matt’s brain didn’t register the floor under his fingertips when he planted his hands on the cool wood and slowly stood. He didn’t feel his bag in his hands when he scooped it up next to the bedroom door, where he paused.

                “Please don’t be upset with Keith. It wasn’t his fault.”

                Matt’s voice was flat and foreign in his own ears. Had he really spoken? Had his lips truly moved? Had he said or done anything at all? He didn’t know. He couldn’t feel, not enough to know what actions he made and words he spoke.

                Nothing registered in Matt’s mind. Suddenly he was standing at the door to Shiro’s dorm with his shoes on, alone. He opened it, stepped out, then stopped. There was no sound of footsteps behind him. Shiro didn’t call out for him to wait, or to stay. There was nothing.

                Matt was outside. He was walking down the steps, then he was walking down the sidewalk. He was walking, walking, walking, then he stopped. He was outside the aviation building. He hadn’t remembered going there. He only remembered walking, walking, walking. Now he was where the world had crumbled around him less than an hour ago. He was back at the scene of his own pathetic crime.

                He felt the cold first. The air was bitter and brutal. When had it gotten so cold out? Matt’s entire body felt frozen, inside and out. He was shivering and his teeth chattered painfully in his mouth.

                The despair struck next. A tsunami of darkness and grief swallowed Matt whole and knocked him off his feet. He landed hard in the snow. It was cold. It was unforgiving. His clothes were already getting damp.

                He didn’t move. He couldn’t. He was paralyzed by a myriad of hurt and things he couldn’t quite name.

                Matt curled in on himself, hugging his knees to his chest and burying his face in them until he could hardly breathe. He ran a hand through his hair and tugged, tugged, tugged. His brain was no, no, no. Stop, stop, stop. I’m sorry, sorry, sorry. Please, please, please.

                If a tree fell in a forest with no one around to hear it, did it make a sound? Maybe it did. Maybe it didn’t. If Matt made a sound, he didn’t hear it, not over the deafening roar of blood rushing in his ears. Maybe he made no sound, and anyone passing by thought he was some random guy sitting in the snow. Maybe he did, and there was just no one around who cared enough to hear it.

Chapter Text

                When Matt awoke with chills the morning after his falling-out with Shiro, he couldn’t tell if the icy feeling crawling beneath his skin was due to illness of the body, or that of his aching heart. Either way, he didn’t want to get up. He couldn’t. He didn’t. Even when his alarm blared, he made no move to silence it. Instead, he let the ringing continue until it ceased on its own with a promise to go off again in five minutes. When it rang once again, he ignored it and allowed himself to drift between sleep and consciousness.

                Somewhere in his half-asleep haze, Matt heard his dad. However, his ears felt like they were stuffed full of cotton, and he couldn’t make out a word Sam said. Matt didn’t have the energy to open his eyes, either, so he simply lay still in hopes that sleep would soon claim him fully.

                Something colder than the chill in his skin pushed Matt’s hair out of his face and touched his forehead. The sensation made him flinch, and he shied away into the warmth of his blankets. The cold touch disappeared suddenly, then the muted voice spoke again. It was louder this time. Another voice joined the muffled haze, one that Matt vaguely recognized as his mom’s.

                Oblivion rose from the depths of Matt’s mind and claimed him slowly. He surrendered to it without a fight, happy to return to the silent, empty recesses of dreamless sleep where no emotion or sensation from the waking world could reach him, nor could his disconsolate thoughts.

-000-

                Shiro didn’t sleep. He was too drained to toss and turn, though his racing thoughts were enough to keep him awake on their own. He found himself staring at the ceiling, then the wall, then nothing at all. Sleep evaded him no matter how long he closed his eyes and waited.

                Minutes ticked by agonizingly slow. Shiro found himself groping around his nightstand in search of his phone to check the time when it felt like hours had passed, though the painfully bright screen told him it was hardly past midnight. He didn’t need to get up and prepare for the day for at least six more hours. Shiro set his phone back on the nightstand and sighed loudly.

                 A light weight pressed into the mattress beside Shiro’s legs, then crept carefully up to his elbows before moving onto his chest. He glanced down to see Eurus watching him. The cat stared at him expectantly until he dragged a hand out from under his blankets to scratch the back of her head.

                “Hey,” Shiro murmured softly. The barest smile tugged at the corners of his lips as Eurus laid down on his chest and leaned into his hand. However, when she glanced at his silent phone and he followed her gaze, his smile faltered. His hand paused mid-stroke on Eurus’ back, and the cold dread that had settled in his stomach hours ago threatened to creep into his chest.

                The…incident from earlier haunted Shiro and invaded his mind again and again no matter how hard he tried to think of anything else. At one point, he’d considered drowning his thoughts until they were lost in a bitter sea of drink. It had taken all of the willpower he could muster, alongside the echo of Najenda’s voice in his mind, for Shiro to keep away from the half-empty bottle of whiskey in his refrigerator. He was tempted, though, especially when he thought about the glimpse he’d caught of—

                Shiro squeezed his eyes shut as if doing so would ward off the image that surfaced in his mind. He was upset, and rightfully so, but that didn’t make it hurt any less. Justification didn’t ease the burning nausea he felt when he remembered what he’d seen. It had been merely a glimpse, but Shiro had seen Matt’s face when he told his friend to leave. He’d seen the mix of pain, one part hurt and two parts guilt, that he could only describe as pure devastation. He’d seen it, and it haunted him. The sight was seared into the back of his eyelids, and every time he thought he was winning against the insomnia that kept him awake, that memory struck him like lightning. Shiro could push it away all he wanted, but he couldn’t escape that single, momentary glimpse.

                Eurus shifted on Shiro’s chest. She shoved her back against his motionless hand and rubbed her face on his arm until he began to gently stroke her fur again.

                “I don’t know, Eurus,” Shiro admitted aloud. His gaze returned to the ceiling as the ice in his gut slowly receded, replaced by a void of numbness. “I don’t know.”

-000-

                Shiro hadn’t managed to find a single second of sleep by the time his alarm went off in the morning. Even when Eurus had begun to snore quietly on his chest, he’d remained awake.

                With a long, heavy sigh deep enough to wake Eurus, Shiro surrendered to the inevitability of grappling through the day exhausted. He eased Eurus off his chest, sat up, and rubbed his face tiredly. His eyes burned as if they had been flushed out with acid. Perpetual yawns seemed to stretch his jaw every other second as he showered, changed into fresh clothes, and brushed his teeth before leaving for class.

                On his way to the aviation building, Shiro passed the cafeteria. He paused in front of it and stared at the doors as he contemplated whether or not to stop and pick up something for breakfast. He hadn’t bothered to eat before he left. In fact, food had slipped his mind completely.

                After a moment, Shiro continued on his way. He wasn’t hungry, and when he thought about food for more than a few seconds, he got a feeling in the back of his throat like bile that left him nauseous. He already felt awful. There was no need to add to the burdens he already carried, and even if he got hungry during class, he would be able to grab something for lunch later. Also, the thought of walking into a place that held so many memories that included Matt didn’t sound very attractive at the moment.

                The remainder of Shiro’s walk passed in a hazy blur. He found himself sitting in his seat in the aviation classroom with little recollection of entering the building, nor was he sure how long he’d been sitting before he realized where he was. Shiro blinked away the fog in his brain and looked around the classroom; a few other students had arrived and were scrolling on their phones while they waited for class to begin.

                Anxiety bubbled in Shiro’s chest as his fingers brushed the outline of his phone in his pocket. He’d looked at it a few times since the previous day, though he hadn’t been paying attention to his notifications. All he’d done was glance at the time and turned the device off again each time. So, what if…?

                Slowly, Shiro slipped his phone out of his pocket. The screen came to life under his thumb, and a light feeling overcame him at the sight of a missed call. However, that lightness was quickly replaced by an ice-cold wave of disappointment that made his heart sink when he checked the caller ID. Najenda. Right. Not only had Shiro seen his single friendship shatter before his eyes the previous day, he had also missed his appointment. After what happened, the appointment hadn’t crossed Shiro’s mind once, not even while he sat on the floor in his dorm alone and stared at the empty air in front of him for nearly an hour.

                After setting a reminder to call Najenda’s office back after class, Shiro set his phone on his desk face-down. He wasn’t sure exactly what he’d been expecting. Why would Matt text him, let alone call, after what happened? Small disagreements were one thing, but a friendship didn’t instantly bounce back from one person kicking the other out of their house, or in Shiro’s case, dorm. Matt wouldn’t call or text him as if nothing had happened. He probably wouldn’t call or text and ask to talk, either. Not if he thought Shiro was angry with him.

                Was Shiro upset? Yes. Was he angry? No, not at all. Finding out about Keith and Matt’s secret conversations had been jarring for sure, but Shiro wasn’t mad. He was actually glad that the two were getting along well. He only wished he had known about it.

                “Good morning, class.”

                Shiro’s gaze snapped up from his desk to the front of the room when Con’s voice reached his ears. He glanced around discreetly and noticed that his classmates had entered the room along with Con while Shiro himself had been lost in his thoughts. Usually, those things didn’t get past him. Shiro always noticed a new presence around him. Recognizing another body in proximity to his own was an instinct hammered into him during his time in the military. To be so lost in thought that he hadn’t noticed over a dozen people walk into the room… Shiro shook his head. Class was starting. Even if he was tired and his mind preoccupied, he needed to pay attention.

                “Before we start, note that I sent out an email to all of you this morning concerning the upcoming simulator tests. I intended to do those on Friday, but Instructor Holt will be out for a few days, so we’ll wait until he is able to come back. With only one proctor, the exams will take too long, and we’ll fall behind schedule. That being said, make sure you read the next chapter in your textbooks before Friday so we can continue with the lecture,” Con explained before launching into the day’s lesson.

                Shiro’s head spun as he tried to focus on Con’s words despite the myriad of thoughts tumbling through his head. Sam wasn’t at the school? Why? Had something happened to him? Had something happened to Matt, Colleen, or Pidge? Was everything okay? Was Sam’s absence at all related to what had happened the previous day? It was difficult for Shiro to come up with any sort of explanation when his knowledge was so limited and his exhaustion-impaired brain power was split between thinking and listening to Con.

                By the end of class, Shiro could barely suppress the urge to squirm in his seat. His worry had grown progressively during class until he couldn’t stand not knowing what was wrong. He couldn’t help but think Sam had heard about the events of the previous day and stayed home because of it. Would what happened change how Sam interacted with Shiro? How did one talk to their child’s friend who their child was having issues with? How did Sam and Shiro’s teacher-student relationship complicate that? 

                While the other students went straight for the door upon dismissal, Shiro wove his way through the desks and students as he made his way to the front of the classroom. He stopped a few paces away from Con, who was packing papers into his folder.

                “Do you have a moment, sir?” Shiro asked. He fought the urge to fidget with his gloves as he waited for his instructor to finish gathering his things.

                When Con turned to face Shiro, folder in hand, there was a slight frown on his face. “Is something wrong?” Con’s gaze scanned Shiro’s face. “You look unwell.”

                Shiro blinked, then slowly shook his head while he scrubbed at his face as if doing so would wipe away the exhaustion etched into his features. “I’m just tired, sir. I didn’t sleep well,” he admitted. “But, I was actually wondering if you knew why Instructor Holt is out today.”

                Con nodded. “His son is sick, so Holt stayed home to look after him while his wife is at work.” He tilted his head as a touch of confusion drew his eyebrows together. “I’m surprised you weren’t aware. Aren’t you good friends with his son?”

                “I—” Shiro paused, then, “I… Yes, I am. I actually texted Matt this morning, but he never got back to me. If he’s sick, that must be why.” The lie slipped past Shiro’s lips with a slight waver, and he had to fight to keep his expression neutral as it threatened to sag.

                “I see. Well, if you hear anything about when Holt intends to come back, could you let me know? I’m trying to set a new date for the simulation tests, but I don’t know when to expect him back,” Con explained.

                Shiro nodded. “Yes, sir. Of course.”

                “Thank you, Shirogane,” Con said. He gave Shiro a curt nod, then stepped around him and left the classroom.

                Shiro stood alone in the room as his mind raced. Matt was sick? As in ill? Or was he still upset over what happened between them? Was it both? Con’s explanation hadn’t given Shiro as much information as he’d been hoping to receive, and he couldn’t help but worry even more than he already did.

                A frozen flower of apprehension blossomed in Shiro’s heart, and the razor-sharp petals scraped his insides painfully. He didn’t know what to think about Matt and Keith’s secret conversations. He didn’t know what to think about the fact that Matt had learned something he wasn’t meant to know and kept it to himself. He didn’t know what to think about Matt’s sudden illness when he’d been completely fine twenty-four hours ago. He didn’t know anything.

                He didn’t know.

Chapter Text

                Shiro went about the rest of his day in a haze. He walked out of his math class without processing a single word that came out of his professor’s mouth, then proceeded to sit on the edge of his bed in his dorm and stare at the wall. Despite the many thoughts that raced through his mind, Shiro felt as if his head was empty. Not a single thought nor feeling stilled long enough to be more than a fleeting word or image behind his eyes.

                A sudden prick in his thigh finally drew Shiro from his dazed stupor. He glanced down in search of the offender only to find Eurus looking back at him.

                “Watch the claws, Eurus,” Shiro reminded as he scratched behind his cat’s ears. Eurus leaned into his hand and closed her eyes contentedly, and for a moment, Shiro’s worries disappeared. Then his phone rang.

                Shiro’s chest tightened as he stared at his chiming phone. He reached for it, then paused with his hand hovering mid-air when he caught sight of the caller ID. Keith. Shiro ignored the small pang of disappointment that went through him. He ignored the way a part of his brain had been hoping to see a different name on the screen and swiped to accept the call.

                “Keith?”

                “Hey.”

                There was a slight pause between the brothers. It was Shiro’s turn to speak, but he wasn’t sure what to say. Did he bring up the secret conversations? Did he tell Keith he knew? Or should he keep quiet and act as if nothing had changed?

                “You still there?” Keith asked.

                Shiro shook the thoughts from his head. “Yeah. I’m just…distracted.”

                Keith was quiet for a moment, then, “You okay?” he asked hesitantly.

                “I—” Shiro cut himself off. Usually, he’d say he was fine even when he wasn’t. He didn’t want to burden anyone. He especially didn’t want to burden Keith. His little brother had plenty of his own issues to deal with, and Shiro didn’t want to add to the weight on Keith’s shoulders. Shiro was the older brother. He was supposed to protect Keith. He was supposed to be invincible. However, after all that had happened, Shiro was tired of secrets. He wanted honestly, and maybe the best way to get it was to first give it.

                “Did you need something?” Shiro asked.

                “Uh, no, not really. You just didn’t call last Friday like you normally do, then didn’t call during the weekend, or beginning of the week, so…” Keith trailed off.

                Guilt squeezes Shiro’s lungs. He’d forgotten all about his weekly call back home to check on Keith. “Oh. Sorry.”

                “It’s fine,” Keith assured. ‘But really, are you doing okay?”

                Shiro paused long enough to take in and exhale a slow, deep breath. “No,” he admitted. “I’m not.”

                Silence.

                Shiro waited for Keith to reply. He could almost see what kinds of expressions his little brother’s face was running through as Keith searched for something to say. Confusion. Worry. Unease.

                “What happened?” Keith asked slowly.

                “I know.”

                “About…?”

                “About your conversations with Matt. Finding Najenda through him. What you told him. I know about all of it.”

                At first, Keith didn’t respond. He was quiet for so long that Shiro wondered if Keith had hung up on him. Then he heard the stuttering as Keith tripped on his own tongue.

                “I—We didn’t—He—”

                “I’m not mad, Keith,” Shiro interrupted.

                There was another pause. “You…aren’t?”

                Shiro shook his head before realizing Keith couldn’t see him. “No. I mean, I was upset at first. It’s not like I was happy to hear that my little brother and my best friend had spoken to each other without my knowledge and continued to talk about me in secret. But—” Shiro let out a long breath “—I understand.”

                “It was an accident…” Keith’s tone had deflated as if every ounce of energy had suddenly drained from his body.

                “I know.”

                “And we were worried you’d get upset if you found out—”

                “I know.”

                “You were doing so well, just, overall—”

                “I was, Keith. And like I said, I understand,” Shiro assured. He did. After a whole day of thinking and replaying the past few weeks of his life over and over in his mind, Shiro understood. Part of his was still hurt, but in the end, he wasn’t angry. “Lately, everything’s just been…great. I feel better than I’ve been since, well, ever, I guess. I have a friend who’s nice and doesn’t give a shit about how I look, my classes are going well, and Najenda has been a huge help. Actually, if not for her, I wouldn’t have told you about any of this.”

                “Really?” The relief that flooded Keith’s tone was audible even over the phone.

                “Yeah. I mean, you guys were right, too. When I found out that Matt knew…” Shiro trailed off as the cold dread that had been inhabiting his belly began to claw at his insides once again.

                “It wasn’t his fault. I thought you already told him, but then when I mentioned it, he—”

                Shiro interjected. “I know, but I was so worked up, and I—I fucked up, Keith.” He sighed heavily and scrubbed his face with his free hand. “It could have been fine, but I just panicked. He tried to explain, but I…” Shiro closed his eyes and rubbed at his temples as they began to ache from how tightly he was clenching his jaw. “I told him to leave.”

                Once again, there was silence. Keith didn’t reply for a moment, and Shiro held his breath as he waited for his little brother to speak.

                “Have you talked to him about it yet?”

                “No. He’s not at school.”

                “He isn’t?”

                “I heard he’s sick, but…”

                “You’re worried it has something to do with you.”

                Shiro hummed quietly in confirmation. “I saw his face when he left, Keith. I was still losing my mind at that point, but that look…” Shiro paused and blinked against the heat that pricked his eyes as a cold wave of regret and guilt left him shivering. “I see it every time I close my eyes.”

                Keith was quiet on the other end. Then he sighed. “You need to talk to him,” Keith insisted. “Go to his house, call, text, whatever. Just do something. You said you aren’t mad, but it doesn’t sound like he knows that. You need to tell him before he convinces himself that you hate him.”

                “I know.” Shiro growled quietly to himself in frustration and ran a hand through his hair. “I know, but what the hell am I supposed to say? Hey, sorry I blew up and told you to leave. Don’t worry, I’m not mad. If you’re not still sick, want to go see a movie tomorrow?”

                “I don’t know, Shiro.”

                Shiro abruptly stood and began to pace. His skin felt like it was crawling, and he couldn’t stand remaining still any longer. “I don’t know, either. I don’t want to go to his house in case his family doesn’t know we fought, since I don’t want to drag any of them into this. I don’t exactly feel like explaining my life story to them, either. They’re nice, but even Sam I’m not as close to as I am to Matt. I could call or text, but what if he doesn’t answer? What if he thinks I’m pissed and ignores me?”

                “You just have to try, Shiro.”

                Shiro ran a hand through his hair again as his brow furrowed. Then, he suddenly paused. “What about you?”

                “What?”

                “You guys have been talking for a while. He’ll believe it if you tell him I’m not mad, and since he doesn’t know I told you that I know about—”

                “Shiro, wait,” Keith interrupted. “Just—I know you’re worried, alright? I get it. Remember when Lance found out I’m gay?”

                “Yeah. You avoided him for weeks.”

                “Exactly. I wasn’t planning on coming out to anyone but you, since, y’know… Anyway, remember what happened?”

                Shiro frowned. “Mrs. McClain called. She told me Lance wouldn’t leave his bed and kept saying you hated him.”

                “But I didn’t. When he found out, I got scared, and I yelled at him. I said I never wanted to talk to him again. That’s not what I really wanted, but I was so afraid he’d think I was weird or not want to be my friend because I like guys that I said it anyway. I pushed him away before he could push me away. Then when I heard Lance was upset, I felt even worse.”

                “You told me to call Mrs. McClain back and tell her you weren’t mad—”

                “And you told me to go over there and tell him myself. You said Lance might believe you if you told him I wasn’t mad, but it wouldn’t fix anything unless I told him myself. So I did, and now we still hang out all the time. We trust each other, and we don’t worry about hiding things from each other anymore.”

                A slight smile tugged Shiro’s lips upward into a small smirk. “Except that you two obviously like eacho—”

                “My point,” Keith interrupted, “is that Matt needs to hear it straight from you. Sending a message through proxy doesn’t scream ‘I’m not mad’ like saying it yourself does. Even if it takes a hundred calls and a thousand texts, if you want to fix this, you have to fix it yourself. You taught me that.”

                Shiro nodded. “I did, didn’t I?” He chuckled as his smirk widened into a smile. “Since when did my hot-head little brother get so wise? Maybe hiding a crush for years has made you smarter.”

                “Shut up!” Keith growled, earning a full bout of laughter from Shiro.

                “There it is,” Shiro remarked. His expression softened, as did his tone. “Thanks, Keith. Really.”

                “Yeah,” Keith replied. “That’s what I’m here for, Shiro. You don’t need to deal with everything yourself. It’s okay to ask for help.”

                “I know.” Shiro glanced down at Eurus as she wound around his shins and crouched to stroke her back. “Take care of yourself, Keith, and remember I’m here if you need anything, too.”

                “Of course.”

                “Talk to you Friday?”

                “If you forget to call again, I’m skipping school to drive up to the university and make you talk to me.”

                “Not with snow on the ground, you aren’t,” Shiro warned.

                “Later, Shiro.”

                “Bye, Keith, and tell Lance I said hi.”

                “Tell him yourself, or he won’t believe it.”

                Shiro snorted loudly as the call ended, then tossed his phone on his bed and turned his full attention to Eurus. “I’ll talk to Matt, okay? You happy?”

                Eurus blinked, and Shiro took it as approval. He glanced at his phone, then his backpack. A text didn’t seem like enough, and he didn’t want to call Matt and bother him if he really was sick. The two would need to sit down together and have a real conversation face-to-face. Whether it took one conversation or twenty for them to work through this, Shiro wouldn’t give up. No amount of awkwardness, apologizing, or explaining outweighed the threat of losing Matt for good.

-000-

                Despite Shiro’s determination to fix his relationship with Matt through a direct conversation, he wasn’t sure how to go about it. Sending a text asking to talk sounded too vague, and he didn’t want to scare Matt off by making him think he was about to be officially cut out of Shiro’s life. He still didn’t want to bother Matt with a call, but he wasn’t sure how to see him directly without encountering the rest of the Holts and explaining the situation. The last thing he needed to do was bring more people into the issue.

                When Shiro left his aviation class deep in thought Friday afternoon, he stumbled into the perfect opportunity.

                “Shiro!”

                Shiro searched the hallway around him at the sound of his name and found Sam standing a few feet ahead at the top of the stairs with a manilla folder in hand. He pulled his lips up into a friendly smile as Sam approached.

                “How’s class going?” Sam asked as he walked with Shiro to the building’s main floor.

                “It’s going okay. Con had to push back a test since he can’t proctor alone, so he’s been lecturing.”

                Sam nodded. “I see.” He slowed to a stop besides Shiro, and his shoulders slumped. “I’m sorry I haven’t been there this week. Matt got sick a few days ago, so I’ve been staying home to keep an eye on him while Colleen is at work, but… I thought he caught a cold since he’d been outside for a while when I took him home on Tuesday, but it’s been three days and he hasn’t gotten any better.”

                Shiro winced. “Really?”

                “We couldn’t even wake him on Wednesday. He’d gotten up a few times since, but he still doesn’t look well.”               

                “Stubborn cold.”

                Sam nodded again. “I didn’t want to leave him home by himself, but he insisted I stop by the school and pick up his homework before the weekend. Only thing is, I… he trailed off. Sam glanced around, then lowered his voice. “I know I’m a faculty member and all, but I haven’t really gone anywhere but the aviation building and the IT Center. I’m not quite sure where to find Matt’s professors.”

                Shiro was about to offer to walk Sam to the faculty offices and help find Matt’s professors when an idea struck him. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I could help,” Shiro offered. “If you want to go home and check on Matt, I can stop by the faculty offices and pick up his homework. I should be able to drop it off tomorrow morning.”

                Sam blinked, then waved his hands dismissively. “Oh, thank you, but I don’t want you to go through the trouble.”

                “It isn’t a problem, sir,” Shiro insisted. He winced at his eager tone and made an effort to relax it when he spoke again. “I haven’t seen Matt in a few days, anyway, so it’ll be nice to at least say hi.”

                For a moment, Sam was quiet, then he smiled and nodded slowly. “Alright. Thank you, Shiro. I appreciate it, and I’m sure Matt will be glad to see you even if he’s still not feeling well.”

                The smile Shiro returned was tight. “I hope so,” he said. He truly did hope so.

Chapter Text

                Shiro’s sweaty palms itched under the leather of his gloves as he steered his car around a sharp turn on the way to the Holt household.

                At a red light, Shiro glanced at the manila folder on the passenger seat. He’d been fine when he collected Matt’s work the previous day, and nerves had yet to seize him when he woke in the morning. It wasn’t until Shiro got in his car that his heart dropped and his stomach clenched with fear. The unease simmering within strengthened the closer he got to the Holt household.

                When Shiro pulled into the driveway and parked his car, his heart hammered in his chest. He clenched the steering wheel and sucked in a slow, deep breath that failed to soothe his anxiety. His heart continued to pound. However, he couldn’t sit and wait much longer. The Holts likely heard his car when he arrived, and if he remained outside, surely someone would start asking questions.

                Each step toward the door felt as if Shiro was moving through molasses. His legs were stiff. His feet were leaden. The folder in his hands weighed a thousand pounds. The last time Shiro had been so nervous was the day he left the hospital following his discharge from the military. Nothing but stepping into a world full of judgement with half-healed scars and haunted eyes compared to what he felt as he approached the door to the Holt household.

                Three knocks. Stiff. They echoed in Shiro’s ears until the sound of approaching footsteps drowned them out. The door opened, and Colleen met Shiro with a smile. He stepped inside.                

                “Good morning, ma’am,” Shiro greeted. He passed the folder back and forth between his hands before clutching it in both to keep them occupied, then raised it for Colleen to see. “I, uh, brought Matt’s homework.”

                “Thank you, Shiro.” Colleen glanced at the folder, then her gaze slid down the hallway in the direction of Matt’s room. “Matt still isn’t feeling well, but he’s doing better than he was. He should be awake right now, if you want to talk to him.”

                Shiro nodded. He followed Colleen’s gaze, and even after she looked back at him, Shiro’s focus never shifted. He hoped Colleen couldn’t see him sweat as his skin burned with the heat of a thousand suns. “I… I will, if that’s okay.” He lifted the folder again without tearing his gaze away from the hallway. “And I’ll give him his homework.”

                Colleen spoke, but the words didn’t all reach Shiro’s brain. Something about going to work soon. Then, she was gone, and Shiro was walking toward Matt’s room alone.

                Only a door stood between them now. One door. One single piece of wood. Shiro clutched the folder between his fingers so tightly that his hands tremored. It all came down to this. The survival of what Shiro and Matt had built depended on what happened beyond that door.

                Shiro raised a hesitant fist, but before his knuckles met wood, the door opened. Dark lines and brown gave way to a dimly lit room, sandy-colored hair, hunched shoulders, pale skin, and deep purple under-eye circles.

                Matt blinked at Shiro where he stood in the doorway with an empty glass in hand. The two stared, face to face, in silence. Then, Shiro spoke.

                “Can we talk?”

-000-

                Shiro fought the urge to fidget as he sat cross-legged against Matt’s dresser with his gaze on his gloved hands.

                Across the small gap and just a little too far to Shiro’s side, Matt slumped against his bed with his legs outstretched. He stared down at the folder full of homework Shiro had brought him.

                “So—”

                “I—”

                Shiro and Matt both paused abruptly when they began to speak at the same time. The pair raised their heads and their gazes met for a short moment before they tore them apart.

                “You first,” they said in unison.

                Shiro picked at his gloves.

                Matt rubbed the thick paper of the folder between his fingers.

                “You didn’t—”

                “I should’ve—”

                The two stopped mid-sentence again. Silence fell.

                Shiro sighed quietly. He ran a hand through his bangs and shoved them out of his face. “I’m sorry…”

                Matt frowned, but didn’t look up from his papers. “For what?”

                “I shouldn’t have kicked you out the other day. I went overboard.”

                A short, choked laugh dragged itself out of Matt’s throat. “Yeah, because it’s no big deal when your friend and your brother spend weeks lying to your face.”

                “You weren’t lying, you just…didn’t say everything.”

                “As if that’s any better.”

                Shiro chewed the inside of his cheek as he glanced up at Matt, who stared at the folder in his hands with a furrowed brow and clenched jaw. A faint crease bisected the folder down the middle as it bent in Matt’s grip.

                “I talked to Keith,” Shiro said.

                Matt didn’t reply.

                “I needed some time to cool off, but I get it now.”

                “Get what? That you shouldn’t have trusted me?”

                Shiro frowned. “No… The opposite, actually.”

                Matt continued to stare at his folder, refusing to meet Shiro’s eyes. “Maybe you need to spend more time thinking, then.”

                “Matt—”

                “I should’ve said something earlier, and I never should’ve kept talking to Keith. None of this would’ve happened if I’d just minded my own fucking business,” Matt interrupted. His fingers dug into the folder, further creasing it and the papers inside.

                “You were just trying to help.”

                “And I did a great fucking job, didn’t I?”

                Shiro closed his eyes and exhaled, long, slow, and quiet. “You did, actually.”

                Matt opened his mouth to speak, but his words died on his tongue when Shiro interrupted him.

                “I felt like shit during the winter break, Matt. I… I fell back into some old habits I thought I’d gotten over. I stressed Keith out so much that his dark circles were worse than mine, and sometimes I’d hear him crying when he thought I was asleep. But I didn’t do or say anything. I didn’t have it in me to help him. I could hardly stand up, let alone process the fact that someone else had learned about who I used to be,” Shiro admitted. “If you or Keith had told me what happened that same night, I probably would’ve dropped out of school and changed my number; if I had the energy to open my laptop.”

                “That doesn’t make it right. I could’ve said something after you started getting better.”

                “Maybe, but I know why you didn’t.”

                “Because you were doing better, and I didn’t want to fuck it up.”

                Shiro nodded even though Matt still wouldn’t meet his gaze. “It was the same way with Keith. He knew how bad I had gotten during the break, and he didn’t want to risk sending me back there once I was finally back on my feet.”

                “I could’ve at least stopped talking to Keith after I sent him Ms. Kek’s information.”

                “Keith always gets worried when I’m at school and he can’t keep an eye on me. I don’t blame you for keeping him updated.”

                “Still, I should’ve told you.”

                “And I should’ve talked to you the moment I had my head on straight and could see why you did what you did.”

                A small smirk tugged at the corner of Matt’s lips. “As if either of us could keep anything straight,” he mumbled just loud enough for Shiro to hear.

                Shiro let a smile overtake his expression. “True.”

                When the amusement faded from the air, Matt’s shoulders slumped. “Are you, uh… Are you still mad?” he asked. His voice trembled slightly and his body tensed as he prepared for the impact of Shiro’s answer.

                “I’m not mad, Matt. I never was.”

                Matt froze, then the tension left him as he slowly lifted his eyes to meet Shiro’s gaze. “You weren’t?”

                “No, I wasn’t.” Shiro shook his head. “If anything, I was more afraid than anything else. I’ve never really told anyone that I’m ex-military, or that I…had a rough time.” He rubbed at his palm with a gloved thumb. “The way I look tends to intimidate people enough, but once they find out that I was in the Air Force, and why I was discharged, they keep their distance. They get scared and leave, or walk on eggshells like they think saying the wrong word will make me lose my head. Some things get to me, yeah, but there’s no need to be so careful. A lot of people don’t get that, and I was afraid you might not get it either. I thought I was about to lose my best friend.”                           

                Matt frowned. “Why would I think that? I mean, I saw you handle Quinn and his guys when they were around. You could’ve snapped their necks if you wanted to, but you didn’t go beyond defending yourself. You got hurt fighting them, too, but the first thing you did was turn around and make sure I was okay. For a minute I thought you didn’t even realize you’d been injured. You’re one of the strongest people I know, and I can’t find anything within you that anyone should be afraid of.” Matt paused, then hurriedly added, “Mentally, I mean. You’re physically strong too, I know, you’re literally a bulldozer in human form, but like, when shit happens, you can handle it.”

                Shiro resisted the urge to chuckle at Matt’s comment. “Usually, I can, yeah. If I can’t, I go to Najenda.”

                “Has she been helpful? I know you seemed to be doing better after you started seeing her, but I didn’t really know everything, so I wasn’t sure if it was because of her or something else.”

                “She’s great. We talk about specific things that are bothering me, then go back to things I’ve been pushing aside. If I start getting anxious or worked up, she changes the topic and gets me talking about something random so quickly that I forget I was upset.”

                Matt nodded. “I’m glad. She was a huge help to my dad after he was discharged, and she still keeps him on his feet when he starts to feel off and goes in for a visit. She even helped me a bit, too.”

                Shiro’s eyebrows raised. “Really?”

                “Yeah. After what happened with Quinn, my parents took me to see her a few times. I was terrified of going back to school even after I transferred, but she helped me get past that. She didn’t just tell me to stop being afraid because it was a totally new school where no one knew me. She actually got me to think about what was worrying me, then helped me understand it. She told me, ‘The first step toward conquering fear is understanding what you’re afraid of.’”

                Shiro looked down at his hands. Understanding. It had been a concept he’d struggled with during his imprisonment, as well as in the time after his discharge. He didn’t understand why it had been his team. He didn’t understand why only some of his friends had left the hospital on their feet. It had taken years for him to come to terms with the answer: it could happen to anyone, and at that time, he and his team were the unlucky ‘anyone’. He still struggled to accept the truth, but he did understand, and now the events of the past intimidated him far less than his future did.

                “When was the last time you saw Ms. Kek?” Matt asked.

                “My appointments are on Tuesdays, but I missed the last one because, you know… She called after I didn’t show up, and I finally called back this morning before I came here. We only talked for a minute, but it was enough to convince me to come in the house and talk to you instead of dropping your homework on the doorstep and leaving before your family realized I was here.”

                “Those must’ve been some wise words.”

                “They always are, but these were the same ones she’s been telling me for weeks. ‘Open up’.” Shiro pulled his gaze away from his hands to look at Matt again. “I won’t make it anywhere if I keeping hiding things. All that will do is make me have the same breakdown every time a friend learns something new about me, and I don’t want that.”

                “Me neither,” Matt agreed quietly.

                Shiro nodded. “On the way here, I was thinking about just…talking. Just say everything and go, but I, uh…” His gaze fell again and he scratched nervously at the back of his neck. “I trust you, Matt, but I just don’t think I’m ready to say everything. Not yet.”

                “It’s okay.” Matt’s response was short and quick, and it drew Shiro’s attention back to his friend’s face. “When we were dealing with Quinn, I didn’t tell you everything at once. Part of it was because I didn’t want to dump everything on you or get you involved more than you already were, but I also just didn’t want to explain it all yet. I felt bad leaving you in the dark, but I would’ve felt worse if I forced myself to say everything at once. I needed time then, you need time now, and that’s okay. You can tell me when you’re ready, whether that’s tomorrow, next week, ten years from now, or never.”

                In that moment, Shiro felt the tension in his body seep away. His shoulder slumped, and he fought off the urge to sigh in relief. He and Matt sat across from each other in the narrow strip of open floor in Matt’s room without an ounce of awkwardness in the air. The fissure that had opened between them following their encounter with Tarker was closed. They could breathe again.

                Relief seemed to hit Matt harder than Shiro, because his eyelids began to sag and he sank against the side of his bed as if he couldn’t sit upright any longer. When Shiro noticed, he nearly slapped himself. He’d been so caught up in discussing what had happened that he forgot Matt was sick. Recovering, yes, but still sick. Shiro hurriedly began to rise.

                “I’m glad you understand, and I’m glad we got to talk, but I should probably go,” Shiro said. “I fell behind with my schoolwork recently, you have a pretty thick folder of work to get through, and you look like you could use a break. I got so caught up in talking that I forgot you’re sick. Sorry…”

                Matt waved a hand in dismissal and dragged himself to his feet, though he slumped heavily against his bed when he stood and continued to blink away sleepiness in a losing battle against his exhaustion.

                Shiro stepped toward the door.

                “Thanks, by the way,” Matt said, causing Shiro to pause and look back as he lifted the folder.

                “Of course.” Shiro remained in place, still looking back at Matt. His eyes were fixated as they took in details he hadn’t noticed earlier. Matt squinted slightly as if he couldn’t see clearly. Maybe he hadn’t bothered to wear his glasses or contacts recently. He looked paler than usual, too, probably because he was sick. His hair was in a ponytail, but it was messy and flyaway strands stuck out from his head from hours of lying in bed.

                Something Shiro couldn’t identify made him turn. He faced Matt, paused, then closed the small gap between them. His arms wrapped around Matt’s frame, though only lightly. If he wanted, Matt could easily push Shiro away. He didn’t, though. Instead, arms encircled Shiro and held him tight as Matt let his face fall against Shiro’s shoulder. Maybe he could feel the odd hardness of the metal in Shiro’s right arm, but at the moment, Shido couldn’t bring himself to care. Even if Matt did notice, he wouldn’t ask questions. He’d wait until Shiro gave him answers on his own.

                The pair pulled apart slowly, and Shiro left even slower. He lingered in the doorway of Matt’s room, then at the front door and in his car. Part of his wanted to go back, and if Matt weren’t sick, maybe he would’ve.

                When evening came, Matt was already asleep. Shiro drifted off while watching videos on his phone soon after. For the first night in days, both slept well.

Chapter Text

                On his way to class Friday morning, Shiro’s phone buzzed in his pocket. He stepped off the pavement so he wouldn’t be in anyone’s way while distracted, then dug out his phone. In his notifications was a text from Matt.

Matt: Wanted to lyk not gonna be on campus today

Matt: Im feeling better today but my parents dont want me to get sick again

Matt: Taking the day off ig

                Shiro typed out a quick reply.

Shiro: Good

Shiro: You were sick for nearly a week

Shiro: Don’t push yourself

Matt: Four days

Matt: Not a week

Matt: Usually ill take a day off if I can get it

Matt: But im soooooo behind rn

Matt: You brought my hw over but I had a headache

Matt: Didnt do more than a few pgs :(

Shiro: You can catch up today

Shiro: If you’re feeling better

Matt: Ikkkkkk

Matt: So much work tho :’((((

Shiro: You have time

Shiro: It’s not even 8am

                Shiro paused momentarily and glanced at the corner of his screen. It was seven-forty in the morning. He blinked and looked again. Still seven-forty. He continued walking.

Shiro: Come to think of it, how are you awake already?

Shiro: I thought you didn’t wake up until noon on your days off school and work

Matt: Forgot to turn off my alarm

Matt: Usually go to school with my dad at 7

Matt: I tried to go back to sleep but couldnt

Matt: Didnt want to do hw so I texted u

Matt: Plus I dont want u to get worried if my dad tells u im still sick

Matt: Cuz im not really

Shiro: I appreciate the heads up

Matt: :)

Shiro: Now do your homework

Matt: :(

                Shiro smothered a chuckle as he pocketed his phone and entered the aviation building. He climbed the stairs, walked into the classroom, and spotted Sam standing near the front desk with his phone in-hand. Sam stared at the device with uncertainty twisted into his features.

                “Good morning, sir,” Shiro greeted as he approached.

                Sam glanced up, then his strained expression melted into a smile. “Shiro, good morning.” He glanced down at his phone again, typed out a message, then looked back to Shiro. “Sorry, I’m texting Matt. He’s doing better today and insisted he would be okay if I went to work, but I can’t help but worry. He was sick for quite a while, and we still don’t know why.”

                “Nasty cold?” Shiro suggested, earning a shrug from Sam. “He always wears thin hoodies even when it’s below freezing outside. I wouldn’t be surprised if the cold finally got to him.”

                “Maybe.” Sam frowned at his phone, typed one last message, then slipped the device into his pocket. “His face was very red when I took him home on Monday. He said he got distracted and ended up wandering around outside for a while before I got there.”

                Shiro shrugged, though before he could speak again, Con poked his head through the doorway to the classroom and called for Sam.

                “Sorry, Shiro. One moment.” Sam excused himself before following Con into the hallway.

                With nearly ten minutes to kill before class, Shiro dropped into his seat and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He returned to his conversation with Matt, then paused with his thumbs hovering over the keyboard. ‘His face was very red when I took him home on Monday.’ That’s what Sam said. Perhaps Matt had been outside for a while after…that, but Shiro knew the redness of Matt’s face hadn’t been caused by cold weather alone. He’d seen the expression had worn when he left. Some of it had been Shiro’s fault, too.

                The more he thought, the colder Shiro’s stomach grew. Matt got sick the day after their fight. Yesterday, they talked it out. Today, he was feeling better. A coincidence was possible, but Shiro couldn’t help but wonder if the two were related. After all, Shiro himself was very familiar with the way physical health deteriorated as the result of mental stress. Shiro’s reasoning for being upset was understandable and valid. He knew that. He understood that he was allowed to feel the way he did. However, that did nothing to minimize the guilt which roiled in his gut.

                The sound of Con clapping his hands together drew Shiro from his musing. Shiro’s eyes faced forward as class began, but his focus was elsewhere. Only half the words Con spoke reached Shiro through the haze.

                When class was dismissed, Shiro heard the words only vaguely. He shook his head to clear the haze from his mind as his feet carried him back to his dorm.

-000-

                Saturday morning, Shiro woke early. He turned onto his side, rolled over onto the other, flipped onto his stomach, then growled when sleep refused to reclaim him.

                After thirty minutes of growing frustration and not a single moment of rest, Shiro dragged himself out of bed. He plucked his phone from the nightstand, tossed the charger aside, and checked the time. Six in the morning.

                Shiro sighed and ran his free hand through his hair as he glanced around his bedroom. His backpack lay abandoned next to his dresser, though he’d done all his homework the previous afternoon and evening. The dirty laundry hamper was empty. A glance in the other room reminded Shiro that he’d cleaned Eurus’ litterbox before going to bed. The dorm was tidy.

                Something bumped against Shiro’s leg, and he crouched down to run his hand down Eurus’ back and scratch her chin. “I’ve had too much free time recently, haven’t I?” he asked. There were no tasks or cleaning to be done, and he’d been doing a lot of overthinking in the past week. He had nothing to distract himself from the thoughts he’d been trying and failing to avoid. He had nothing to pass the morning with, either.

                One, two, then a third lap around his dorm returned Shiro to his room, where he sat heavily on the edge of his bed to massage a cramp that seized his calf. As he worked the pain away, his gaze drifted to the running shoes he’d abandoned beside his sneakers.

                Four minutes later, Shiro was jogging down the sidewalk in a light jacket and sweatpants while minding the icy patches on the sidewalk. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d gone for a proper run. At the beginning of the semester, he was busy and the weather unforgiving, so he’d only gone out a few times. Then Tarker showed up, and exercise was the last thing on Shiro’s mind. The past week had been too full of panic for Shiro to do anything but keep up with his school work. However, no matter how much time passed between runs, the energy that coursed through his body with each step was always the same. He never failed to feel calm when he ran. He could control running. He could run for thirty minutes or three hours, stop whenever he wished, and his thoughts were drowned out by blurred glimpses of the people and things he passed.

                When the burn in Shiro’s legs became too intense to ignore, he returned to his dorm and showered away the sweat and grime. He was in the midst of towel-drying his hair when his phone chirped on the nightstand. A text from Matt awaited.

Matt: U free today?

Shiro: I guess. I don’t have any homework to do, and I already spent the past week stress-cleaning my dorm

Matt: Who the fUCK cleans while stressed

Matt: What are you

Matt: Theres nothing relaxing about scrubbing a toilet

Shiro: It clears my head

Matt: Until you inhale a megafuckton of dust

Shiro: How often do you clean your room?

Shiro: Or maybe I should be asking how not often you clean

Matt: As long as theres a path to my desk, bed, and door, and I’m not sneezing from dust every 2 mins, its clean enough

Shiro: And what do our parents have to say about that?

Matt: Shiro

Matt: Im 20

Matt: Not 12

Shiro: You live in their house, though

Matt: As long as I contain the hoarding to my own room and don’t crack my head open by tripping on something in the middle of the night they dgaf

Shiro: What’s ‘dgaf’?

Matt: They don’t give a fuck

Matt: Please

Matt: I beg of you

Matt: Just go on Twitter for like an hour

Shiro: I have no interest in twittering

Matt: -_-

Matt: --__--

Matt: Anyway u wanna go see a movie?

Shiro: Which one?

Matt: uhhh

Matt: forgot the title

Matt: its that shit american ripoff of attack on titan

Shiro: Why do you want to watch something you’ve already decided is bad?

Matt: I need to get out of the house

Shiro: Aren’t you an introvert?

Matt: Yes

Matt: But

Matt: Imma lose my mind if I look at another page of hw rn

Matt: I need to distract myself with shitty movie

Shiro: What time does it start?

Matt: 11

            Shiro glanced at the time. It was nearly ten in the morning.

Shiro: Theater by the school?

Matt: Yep

Shiro: Do you need a ride?

Matt: Nah my dad id about to swing by the school

Matt: He said he’d drop me off

Shiro: Alright.

Shiro: See u then?

Matt: :)

-000-

                Just before one o’clock in the afternoon, Shiro and Matt wandered out of the theater.

                “That was fucking shit!” Matt groaned as he buried his hands in his pockets to shield them from the cold.

                Shiro grimaced, not only due to the cold breeze that nipped his face. “I want to know who thought it was a good idea to make the colossal titan look like The Rock.”

                “Right? Like, if you’re gonna make The Rock into a titan, at least make him the armored titan. It’s literally made of rocks. Or it at least looks like it’s made of rocks.”

                “True. I don’t know who the colossal titan should have looked like, though.”

                “Slenderman?”

                “Maybe, but since he’s something someone made up, there would’ve been copyright issues. It would have to be a real person.”

                Matt frowned and tilted his head in thought. “What about that one Minecraft kid?”

                “Who?”

                “Uhhh…” Matt trailed off as he searched for a name. “I don’t know. Pidge has been watching a bunch of Minecraft streamers for background noise while she’s working on stuff. There’s one she’s always complaining about because he’s only a few years older than her, but he’s super tall.” Matt nodded at Shiro. “He’d even make you look short.”

                “How tall is this kid?”

                “Six-foot-six, I think?”

                “Holy shit.”

                “Right?”

                The conversation died when a sudden gust of frigid wind slammed into the pair. Shiro nodded toward the entrance to a thrift store up ahead, and Matt followed him inside.

                The two began to wander down the aisles as they waited for the cold to seep from their bones. They stopped every few steps when something strange caught their eye.

                “This will literally eat your soul,” Matt claimed as he held up what appeared to be a hand-knit doll. It was difficult to discern exactly what they were looking at, as the person who made it was clearly a beginner. The eyes were huge and uneven, the doll had no mouth, and its dress was every inch the Victorian nightmare one would expect to find in an old, abandoned mansion.

                “It’ll eat your soul. You touched it,” Shiro countered.

                Matt dropped the doll as if it had burned him and backed away from the shelf. “Just gonna nope the fuck out of here.”

                “Language.”

                “I’m 20.”

                “That doesn’t mean you won’t get kicked out if someone catches you swearing in front of a two-year-old.”

                “Fair.” Matt continued down the aisle while Shiro followed a stride behind him. He picked up a teacup with his pinky raised, then asked Shiro if he wanted some tea and crumpets in a poor imitation of a British accent. The next item was an angry garden gnome Matt considered buying to guard the hoard of computer scraps he’d amassed in his room.

                When the pair passed a shelf crammed full of costumes, Shiro plucked a Ghostface mask from the shelf and held it over his face. He reached out and tapped Matt on the shoulder. Matt turned, and he nearly tripped over his own feet when he stumbled back at the sight of Shiro.

                “Shi—” Matt caught the curse halfway out his mouth, “—taki mushroom. Shiro!” He pulled in a deep breath with a hand over his racing heart. “Some skeletal frat guy wearing that mask isn’t scary, but the Hulk’s human cousin who can snap said skeletal frat guy in half with his pinky finger, that…” Matt trailed off as he shook his head and drew in another deep breath.

                Shiro failed to smother his laughter and he lowered the mask and placed it back on the shelf. “Sorry.”

                “No, you aren’t.”

                “Yeah, I’m not,” Shiro conceded, earning a heatless glare from Matt.

                The two continued to browse long after the warmth of the store has chased away the lingering chill from the weather. They scrutinized more items throughout the aisles, from bowling balls to cheap paperbacks, belts with extra holes poked in them, and a huge, blocky computer monitor which Matt claimed was older than his grandparents.

                “Hey, Matt, I found a way that you can finally be taller than me,” Shiro called over his shoulders as he rummaged through the rack of shoes against the back wall. He turned just as Matt reached him and held out a pair of white stilettos heels.

                Matt gasped. “Oh my god, yes.” He took the shoes from Shiro, set them on the floor, and toed out of his sneakers. He wobbled slightly as he slipped into the stilettos, then smiled smugly down at Shiro with his arms crossed over his chest. “You’re tiny. A small man. Wait—I am the colossal titan!” He took an unsteady step toward Shiro and swiped at him with a slow arm Shiro easily avoided.

                “Watch out before you trip into Wall Maria and knock it down again,” Shiro warned, gesturing a rack of clothes to the side of them.

                Matt pouted and stepped out of the heels, though he paused when he glanced at the rack of clothes again. Without a word he approached and reached into the mess of fabric. He withdrew a long white dress with a small blue stain on one of the wide shoulder straps.

                Shiro glanced away for mere moments to put away the shoes, and when he looked back, Matt was holding the dress to his front with a grin.

                “Aren’t I a hot bride?” he asked with a wink, earning an eye roll from Shiro. Matt laughed as he returned the dress to the rack, though he missed the pink tint that darkened the tips of Shiro’s ears.

                Matt and Shiro soon noticed the dirty looks the cashier at the front of the small store kept sending them after it became clear that they didn’t intend to buy anything, so they braced themselves and stepped back into the cold air outside before they were kicked out.

                Neither had anywhere else in mind where they wanted to go, so they walked to a nearby Subway for lunch where they resumed their discussion of the awful movie they’d watched earlier that day. They then made the trek back to Shiro’s car, and Shiro dropped Matt off at his house before returning to campus.

                When Shiro pulled into an open parking space in front of his dorm, he killed the engine, but didn’t get out. Instead, he dropped his forehead against the steering wheel and sighed. Tarker’s presence had been a distraction, but now that he was gone and Shiro had fewer secrets to guard, a pressing issue which had recently slipped his mind was back. He’d felt it a few times throughout the day. The odd blossoms of warmth in his chest despite the cold weather. The way he couldn’t quite give the movie his full attention. The rush that had swept through him when he spooked Matt with the Ghostface mask. It wasn’t until Matt winked at him, wedding dress in hand as he played the part of a confident bride, that Shiro remembered what he couldn’t deny. ‘You’re in love with Matthew Holt.’

                Gloved fingers scratched at the switches on the car door until one caught and the driver’s seat window lowered just enough to let in a breath of cold air. It swirled around Shiro’s head, but not even the air’s bitter bite could cool the warmth which had flooded his cheeks and ears.

Chapter Text

                A quiet knock on his bedroom door interrupted Matt halfway through writing a text. He spared a glance at the door as it opened, then returned his gaze to his phone when Pidge’s head poked into the room.

                “What’s up?” Matt asked. He braced his foot against his desk and tipped backward slightly in his chair.

                Pidge nodded toward the pile of computer parts on the floor next to Matt’s desk. “Do you have any extra fans in there?”

                Matt waved a hand at the pile, and Pidge slipped into the room. She plopped in front of the pile and began to pick through it as Matt continued texting. A new message made a smile tug at the corners of Matt’s lips.

                “Tell Shiro I said hi,” Pidge said, poking Matt’s leg to get his attention.

                Matt gently swatted Pidge’s fingers away. “How’d you know I was talking to Shiro?”

                “The only people you text are me, mom and dad, Professor Rift, the other IT Center employees if they’re asking you to switch shifts, and Shiro. You aren’t texting mom, dad, or I, because we’re all home. Rift is old and wouldn’t be awake at ten minutes to midnight even if he was dying, and your conversations with your coworkers last about twenty seconds. So, Shiro.”

                “Nicely done, Sherlock.”

                “And you only get that dumb smile on the face when you’re talking to guys you have a crush on.”

                Matt whipped his head around to face Pidge so quickly that he nearly fell out of his chair. “What?!” he squeaked.

                Pidge waved a hand high over her head. “Tall, white hair, has a scar on his nose. Looks like he could bench a car.”

                “I know who he is! But what the hell do you mean—he’s not—” Matt’s sputtering turned to gibberish as his face flushed red.

                “It’s so obvious that it hurts. Literally. You were radiating sunshine and rainbows so bright after your date today that looking at you caused me physical pain. My eyes burned.”

                “It wasn’t a date!”

                “You keep telling yourself that.”

                “Did you hit your head or something, because you’re being delusional. Maybe I should tell mom and dad you might have a concussion.”

                “I’m pretty sure they think you’re already dating him, but don’t want to say it yet. You two text each other literally every thirty seconds.”

                Matt opened his mouth to argue, then shut it with a scowl when his phone buzzed in his hands. He glanced at the screen as Pidge’s lips turned up in a smug grin. Sure enough, the new message was from Shiro. “Shut up,” Matt hissed.

                “So, when’s the wedding? I’ll be your best man.”

                “No one is getting married! Shiro’s my friend!”

                “And you locked yourself in your room for three days like Juliet’s gay brother who just got dumped when you fought with him.”

                “I was sick.”

                “You got sick the day after you guys fought,” Pidge remarked.

                “I was outside for a while and it was cold.”

                “Then you got better the day after you two made up.”

                “Coincidence.”

                “Ninety percent of the time you open your mouth, you start talking about Shiro or something somehow related to him.”

                “Get out.”

                “I need a fan.”

                “Then take a fan and get out.”

                “Pretending you don’t have a crush on Shiro won’t make you not like him.”

                “How the hell would you know whether or not I like him? You’re aroace.”

                “Aroace, not an idiot. It doesn’t take a gay disaster to recognize one.”

                Pidge pulled a fan out of the pile of computer parts, and Matt immediately nudged her toward the door with his foot. “Put on your glasses so you can see how wrong you are.”

                “They’re not even my glasses. They’re yours.”

                “Maybe if you didn’t wear other people’s glasses, you’d be able to see how dumb you are.”

                “Maybe if you wore your glasses for once, you’d see that I’m right.”

                “Leave, heathen.”

                “See you in hell.”

                Matt glared at the door after Pidge was gone, then slowly returned his attention to his phone. A few new messages had appeared during Matt and Pidge’s argument. One was Shiro saying he was going to bed. The second was a simple “good night” with a smiley face tacked on the end. Matt sent the same smiley face in return, then stared at his phone long after the screen went dark. He couldn’t deny that Shiro’s presence made him feel different than anyone else’s. He couldn’t deny that some of the things that Pidge had said were true. His heart thumped loudly in his ears, and Pidge’s words echoed in time with its pulse.

-000-

                Despite his insistence that he knew how he felt, Matt couldn’t stop thinking about what Pidge had said about Shiro. They were just friends, right? Friends went to movies together. They went to each other’s houses to hang out. They went to stores together and messed around until they got kicked out. Friends texted each other late at night. They made each other happy. Right?

                Pidge’s accusation had seared itself into Matt’s eardrums by the time he woke up Sunday morning with warm tingles in the back of his neck. The ghosts of gloved fingers ran through his hair while the hazy image of Shiro slipped away. Matt sat upright and stared at the wall ahead of him as one of his hands rose to his head and slowly pushed his tangled locks away from his face. It didn’t feel the same.

                Matt stumbled out of bed and searched his desk for a band to tie his hair back instead of facing the mess on his head. As he gathered a ponytail at the nape of his neck, he wondered if his hair was long enough to braid. It had been in his dream. He’d touched the braid while Shiro gently wove it together.

                Remnants of his dream followed Matt out of his room, hovered over his shoulder while he cooked and ate breakfast, and dragged his attention away from his homework every time he tried to work on it. Intrusive thoughts packed with suspicion and taunts nearly drove him to insanity after he reread the same paragraph in his textbook for the seventh time.

                Once he accepted that his brain had no intention to quiet, Matt tried to find a way to drown out his thoughts so thoroughly that he wouldn’t be able to hear them at all. He dug through the scrap pile next to his desk while headphones blasted music into his ears at a painful volume. He devoted his attention entirely to the bits and pieces pinched between his fingers.

                Matt’s plan worked until it didn’t. While the loud music and tinkering distracted him from his thoughts as intended, it also distracted him from everything else. He didn’t hear his phone buzz once, then twice, and again, and again with calls and texts from his dad, who had gone to the store for groceries but forgotten the shopping list at home. His requests that Matt send a picture of it went unnoticed.

                It wasn’t until Matt’s bedroom door suddenly opened that he finally returned to reality.

                “Sorry, what?” Matt asked loudly as he pulled off his headphones.

                Sam sighed and shook his head. “Turn down the music before you go deaf. I can hear it from over here.”

                Matt obediently reached for his phone to turn down the volume, then winced when the screen came to life with an array of missed calls and unread texts from his father. “Sorry…”

                “It’s alright. I got the list, so I’m going back to the store. Just keep an eye on your phone, okay? I was starting to get worried that something might have happened while I was gone,” Sam assured.

                “No, I’m, uh, I’m good.”

                Sam nodded, though the look on his face said he wasn’t convinced. “Is there anything you need me to pick up while I’m out?”

                “Nope.”

                “I’ll be back soon, then.”

                A brief silence fell as Sam backed up and began to pull the door closed, though it was interrupted by Matt just before the door could shut.

                “Wait.”

                The door cracked open wide enough for Sam to poke his head back into Matt’s room and fix his son with a curious look.

                “You met mom when you were in the Air Force, right? You were supervising some plant transport for NASA, and mom was one of the botanists working on the project,” Matt recalled.

                Sam pushed the door open further and stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. A fond smile curled his lips upward as he nodded. “I was speaking with the lead botanist about the temperature and humidity settings for the container so we could keep the plants in good shape during the transport. He misspoke and told me the wrong numbers, then your mother interrupted to correct him.”

                “And he got mad because he was the lead, and he was supposed to talk to you—”

                “And he thought she was trying to embarrass him in front of me—”

                “Then you ignored him and thanked her—”

                “And she helped load the plants and set the temperature and humidity for me while the lead botanist sulked in his office because he didn’t want to get dirt on his suit,” Sam finished.

                Matt nodded. “You asked for her number so you could call her if there was a problem, since you’d realized she was more competent than the lead botanist, but you kept talking to her even after the transport.”

                “Of course I did.” Sam chuckled. “I’d met a wonderful woman who was smarter than anyone I knew, and she had the spine to scold a Marine because he nearly knocked over an intern and didn’t stop to apologize.”

                “I’ve never heard that part before.” The mental image of a Marine standing in front of Colleen Holt with their shoulders hunched in defeat like a young Matt or Pidge caught disassembling the kitchen radio drew an amused huff from Matt’s nose.

                Sam shook his head, and his smile grew into a small grin. “That was nothing. Yesterday, she laughed at a retired General for dropping his toast on the floor.”

                “You dropped three pieces…in a row.”

                “And she laughed at me three times.”

                Their conversation paused as Matt’s gaze slipped down to his phone. “How did you know, way back then? How did you know you liked mom?”

                Sam’s expression softened, but Matt didn’t see it. He wasn’t looking at his father.

                “I didn’t know when I first saw her. I didn’t know when she interrupted the lead botanist, either. Even when I got her number, while part of me wanted to get to know her more, I still hadn’t had some sudden realization that she was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It was something that built up over time as we talked and found time to see each other. Eventually, I noticed that I felt warmer every time I saw her, and I always smiled when she did. When we had to part ways and go back to work, I counted down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until I would get to see her again. It took me a while to figure out that I was in love with her, and even longer to realize she felt the same way,” Sam explained. “There is no single way, or sole indicator to tell you that you love someone. Sometimes you notice what you’re feeling. Sometimes someone else has to spell it out for you. Either way, you get there eventually.”

                Matt nodded, and when he didn’t offer a response, Sam gave the wall a tap to get his son’s attention before speaking. “I have to get going, but if you need anything, give me a call.” Sam slipped out without another word, and Matt distantly heard the sound of the front door closing, followed by the rumble of a car coming to life in the garage.

                In silence, Matt stared down at his phone, and his reflection stared back from the dark screen.

-000-

                When Shiro and Matt met after class on Monday, Matt couldn’t ignore the hyperawareness that had taken hold of him. As they walked side by side, tingles zipped under his skin every time the backs of their hands accidentally brushed. Shiro’s voice seemed louder in Matt’s ears, and every time his eyes landed on Shiro’s face, he stared a little too long.

                Matt’s awareness kept him on his toes all week. Thursday night, when the pair sat side-by-side on the floor in Shiro’s dorm watching a shitty movie on Shiro’s even shittier laptop, he couldn’t focus on anything but the warmth of Shiro just inches away. Hopefully their discussion after the movie wouldn’t be too in-depth, because Matt doubted he’d be able to remember a single frame.

                The buzz of a phone drowned out the quiet sounds that struggled through the laptop’s failing speakers. At first, Matt thought it was his dad calling. Sam was stuck in a late-night meeting with the other aviation staff, and because he was Matt’s ride home, Matt was also stranded on campus until the meeting ended. Sam had promised to call when he was done. However, while the ringtone was familiar, it wasn’t Matt’s.

                Shiro paused the movie and picked his phone up off the floor next to him. He frowned when he glanced at the number. “It’s Keith?” His confused tone made his statement seem like a question. He accepted the call and held his phone to his ear. “Hello?”

                Shallow, ragged breaths poured across the call so loudly that even Matt could hear them. The sounds caused Shiro’s expression to twist with concern. “Keith, you there? Is something wrong.”

                For a moment, the breaths continued, then Keith’s frantic voice rang loud and clear through the room.

                “There’s a fire.”

Chapter Text

                Shiro bolted to his feet. “Are you okay? Are you in the house? Did you call for help?” Questions tumbled from his mouth as he began to pace

                Matt could no longer hear Keith, and despite a determined effort to avoid eavesdropping, couldn’t help but listen to Shiro’s side of the conversation.

                “Did they get out safely?”

                “Good. Where are they?”

                “Go invite them into the house. It’s late, and there’s nothing they can do but wait until the fire’s out. Just stay away from their house. Don’t go anywhere near it. Do you understand?”

                Shiro glanced at his laptop, then Matt, and finally down at himself. “I’ll be there in a few hours, okay? I have to take care of a few things, but I’ll leave as soon as I can.”

                “I’m not leaving you by yourself.”

                “Keith—”

                “Keith—”

                A heavy sigh slipped through Shiro’s lips as he pinched his furrowed brow. “I know, but it’s worth it. My grades are fine. I won’t fail anything if I miss a few days, and even if I fall behind, I’m sure my professors will understand.”

                “No, I already said—”

                There was a long pause that seemed to stretch for hours before Shiro finally broke the silence. “At least go stay with the McClains. And tell the neighbors they can stay at our house overnight if they need to.”

                “Then I’ll have Lance drive over, and he can take you home with him once they leave.”

                Shiro’s eyes narrowed, and his voice turned into a hiss. “Don’t even think about it.”

                “We both know you can’t drive right now, and if you so much as touch your motorcycle tonight, I’ll drop out of school immediately just so I can go back home and keep you off of it for the rest of the year.”

                A gentle sigh softened Shiro’s features, and his tone lost its edge. “Just take care of yourself, alright? I’ll call Lance in a minute. Get the neighbors some water and keep me updated.”

                “If you change your mind and want me to come back, call. I don’t care if it’s two in the morning or the middle of a class. I’ll drop everything and go.”

                “I’ll call you again after my first class tomorrow, okay?”

                “Take care of yourself.”

                There was another brief pause.

                “I love you too, kid.”

                Shiro’s arm fell to his side. His phone dangled from loose fingers for a moment as he composed himself with a deep breath before dialing another familiar number. “Hey, Lance?”

                “I know. Sorry to bother you so late, but can you do me a favor? The neighbors just had a house fire—”

                “—No, no, it’s okay. Everyone got out safely. Nothing else burned. They’ve got a plan. Keith brought them into our house for now so they don’t have to wait outside, but they’ll be leaving pretty soon. Is it alright if Keith stays with your family for a few days? He’s pretty shaken up, considering, and I don’t want him to be alone, since… He won’t let me leave school to look after him.”

                “Yeah. Probably within an hour? Keith said their ride is already on the way.”

                “Great. Thank you, Lance. I hate to ask, but could you go pick him up, too? He wanted to take his motorcycle over, but I’m worried he might be too caught up in all this to keep his head on straight while driving. I don’t want him to wreck.”

                “I owe you one, Lance. I owe you a lot, actually. If there’s anything I can ever do for you or your family, let me know.”

                “Ha. I could try, but I don’t think I could get you out of that one. Just be careful, okay? And if I need to come back and look after Keith myself, call. I already told him the same, but we both know he’d stab himself with a fork before he made me leave school.”

                “Text me when your two get back to your place, or if you need anything.”

                “Thanks again, and sorry for bothering you so late.”

                “I know.”

                “Bye, Lance.”

                Shiro hung up, and after a moment of staring at his phone, turned his gaze to Matt and rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, sorry about that.”

                Matt stared, wide-eyed and unsure how to respond. A million questions raced through his mind, but the first to blurt out of his mouth was, “What the fuck happened?”

                Shiro returned to the space at Matt’s right where he’d been seated before Keith called. With one long, slow exhale, his body deflated. He sank to the floor and slumped against the side of his bed with his arms hanging off his knees and his head bowed. Shiro roughly scrubbed his face and hair with his free hand. His static-charged bangs chased his fingers as they slipped away. “Shit, per usual.”

                “I heard something about a fire?”

                “One of our neighbors had a house fire. I’m not sure how bad it was, but our house is kind of in the middle of nowhere, so it must’ve taken the fire department a while to get there. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was a total loss. I guess they called some family members who live around the same area and are going to stay there for now, though.”

                Matt nodded. “And Keith? Is he okay?”

                “Yeah,” Shiro assured. “The fire didn’t spread, and he was in our house, so he isn’t hurt. He just…” Shiro ran his hand through his hair again. “Keith doesn’t do well with fire.”

                “If you need to go home, go. I can talk to my dad about what happened, and he can talk to your other professors and convince them to let you catch up when you come back.”

                “That’s okay. I’m worried, but Lance is there. Those two don’t always get along, but they’ll never turn their backs on each other when it counts. I’m sure Keith would be more comfortable staying with the McClains instead of at our house, anyway, since he won’t be able to see whatever the fire left behind. It’s probably better that he goes.”

                Silence fell. Shiro stared at his phone, which had yet to buzz with an incoming message from either Keith or Lance. Matt pressed his lips together to hold in his questions. It hadn’t been long since he learned too much too fast for Shiro’s comfort, and the last thing Matt wanted was for Shiro to pull away again. Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction wouldn’t bring this one back.

                “Keith actually used to love fire when he was little.”

                Matt glanced up at Shiro when the man spoke, but gave no reply.

                “Whenever we had a bonfire, he’d always stand so close to it that I had to hold the back of his shirt and make sure he wouldn’t fall in. Our dad almost stopped having fires because he was afraid Keith would get too close and burn himself.”

                “I guess that’s one good thing about his fear of fire. You didn’t have to worry about him getting too close anymore.”

                Shiro’s eyes sank to the floor. “Not until after being too close almost killed him.”

                Matt choked on his breath. “Wait, how—no,” he said, shaking his head. “Ignore that, I—I’m just glad he’s okay now. Physically, at least.”

                “Do you want to know what happened?”

                “I, uh—” Matt tripped on his words as he searched for something to say. “Uh, you-you don’t have to tell me. Like you said before, you might not be ready to talk about things from your past, and that’s cool. It’s cool. I won’t be upset. You don’t owe me an explanation.”

                Shiro picked at his gloves and shrugged. “There are some things I don’t feel ready to talk about, yeah, but I’m okay with this. At least, I’m okay with telling you about it. It’s, uh—” he paused to rub the back of his neck again “—it’s not exactly a happy story. I don’t really like talking about it much, especially because I don’t like the way it makes people look at me, but I don’t mind telling you. I think Keith would want you to hear it, too, since it’ll help you get to know him better.”

                Matt fought the urge to touch his chest as warmth blossomed within, instead pulling his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs to keep his hands occupied. Instead of replying, he pulled Shiro’s laptop closed and sat in silence.

                “So, dad adopted me when I was ten. Keith was only three, and his mom was gone by then, so I don’t know how all the legal stuff worked out, but it did. Dad treated me like his own kid from day one, and Keith was shy at first, but warmed up to me pretty quick. The three of us did just fine for years. Dad was at home looking out for us and teaching us stuff as often as he could, and I looked after Keith while dad was at work. Dad’s the one who taught me how to drive cars and ride motorcycles, actually. He started teaching Keith when he was big enough to reach the pedals. Dad kept saying he would teach us how to fix a car or bike soon, too.”

                “He was a mechanic?” Matt guessed.

                “Firefighter, actually. He said Keith’s mom taught him how to fix cars because his broke down all the time, so he knew his way around a vehicle. He didn’t like fixing stuff more than he liked his job, though. Being a firefighter was dangerous, and he knew that, but there wasn’t much he loved more than helping people.”

                Matt nudged Shiro lightly with his elbow. “Sounds like someone I know.”

                A small smile tugged at Shiro’s lips, though it faded when he continued. “Since his job was dangerous, I always knew he might run into a fire one day and never come back out. Sometimes I’d hear rumors about a fire in town when I was at school, and I’d get worried. I couldn’t help but be afraid that one of those would be the one. None of them were. There were no rumors when the one that counted came along.”

                Shiro’s hands began to curl into fists.

                “I was at school, and Keith was home because he was sick. He’d been sick for a few days and was too weak to get around the house by himself. Dad didn’t want to leave him alone, but the department was short-staffed and a business had caught fire in town, so he had to go help contain it so it wouldn’t spread. The Chief knew Keith was sick, so he told my dad he could leave as soon as the situation was under control. That’s what dad did. When the fire was contained, he went back home while his coworkers finished the job.”

                Matt bit back a frown. He’d expected the story to end there, with Mr. Kogane tragically stolen by a business fire he never should’ve fought to begin with. He began to wonder where it all went wrong, though Shiro didn’t make him wonder for long.

                “Dad stopped to buy some soup for Keith on the way home, since it was the only thing he could keep in his stomach. Dad planned on giving it to him when he got home, then would call the school and ask them to set aside Keith’s homework again so he could pick it up later. Except when dad got home, the whole house was burning.”

                There was a slight pause as Shiro closed his eyes before continuing.

                “For weeks, I didn’t know exactly what happened inside the house. Not until I woke Keith up from his third nightmare of the evening and he finally broke down and told me. He’d been sleeping. He said the smoke was the first thing he smelled when he woke up, and it confused him. He thought dad had started a bonfire behind the house, but dad had just gone to work, and it was the middle of the day. We only had bonfires at night. When the smoke alarms started going off, he knew something really was wrong. He tried to get out of bed, but he got dizzy and fell. Keith blacked out for a bit, and when he woke up, his room was full of smoke. He crawled across the floor as fast as he could and tried to get into the hallway, but the door was stuck. He started to call for dad, for me, for anyone. He was too weak to stand, let alone move a door with debris holding it closed. He thought he’d die in there. Then he heard dad. Keith tried calling for him again, but he choked on the smoke. Dad must’ve heard him, though, because suddenly he was on the other side of the door yelling for Keith to move back. Dad kicked the door in, grabbed Keith, and threw him over his shoulder. They were on the way out when the house started to collapse. The ceiling—” Shiro paused again when his voice cracked.

                Matt silently stretched out one of his legs until his foot bumped Shiro’s.

                Shiro took a deep breath before he continued. “The ceiling was falling. Dad had seen it a thousand times at work, so he knew what was about to happen. He tried to get out, but debris was blocking the doorway. He didn’t have time to find another way out, and he couldn’t try to move anything without setting down Keith. There was a gap between the debris and the top of the doorframe, though. It wasn’t very big, but it was just enough for a child. Dad told Keith to climb through, but Keith was barely conscious and didn’t want to leave without him. Dad ended up shoving Keith through the gap just before the house fell in on itself. Someone called the fire department at some point, but our area only had one truck, and it was still on-scene at the business fire. The team went as fast as they could, but it took them a while to get to the house. They found Keith unconscious in front of the porch, but there was no trace of dad.”

                The lump in Shiro’s throat swelled as long-suppressed memories came forth. Explaining what Keith had told him, not what Shiro himself had seen, was difficult. Recounting his own memories seemed  impossible. He clenched his hands into fists so tightly that he could feel his nails stabbing his palms through his gloves.

                “No one at school knew about the fire, not at first. No one knew something had happened until the principal suddenly showed up in the middle of class and pulled me into the hallway without any warning. I was in chemistry. We were doing an osmosis lab. The principal told me to get my bag, then she brought me to the office. There was a cop. At first, I thought Keith had gotten into trouble, then I remembered he wasn’t at school. No one gave me a straight answer when I asked what was going on, but they promised I wasn’t in any trouble and told me to go with the cop. The cop didn’t answer a single question during the ride to my house. He didn’t say anything about Keith or dad. He just pulled into the driveway, parked, and pointed at the ambulance. He might’ve said something after that, but I don’t remember what it was. I got out of the car as soon as I saw Keith and ran to him as fast as I could. His hair was dusted in so much ash that it was grey, and there were soot stains on his face and arms. He was so pale that I would’ve thought he was dead if he hadn’t been awake. He was slumped against a paramedic who was holding an oxygen mask over his face. There were bandages on his hands. I found out later that, when the firefighters pulled Keith off the porch, he woke up. He broke away from them and ran back to the door, then started pulling on debris to try to get back in while screaming for our dad. His hands burned every time he grabbed something, but he didn’t stop until the firefighters pulled him away from the house again.”

                “Did they tell you…?” Matt trailed off quietly.

                Shiro nodded. “The Chief told me. He knew Keith and I pretty well. He’d watched Keith grow up and was always telling me how great a firefighter I’d be since I was tall and strong. He liked to joke that, one day, I’d become one of the best firefighters in the state, and I’d put my dad out of work. But, after that day, when he stopped in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder and told me my dad had died in the fire, he never mentioned making me into a firefighter again. The Chief pushed me toward Keith and told me to look after him since he was too weak to even sit up by himself. I remember I didn’t feel anything. It didn’t seem like I was even in my own body. It was like I was playing a game in first person. Some controller I couldn’t see made me walk to the ambulance and sit next to Keith. I don’t know how long we were there for. I don’t know how long I stared at the house –or what was left of it– with my arm around Keith’s shoulders. Nothing felt real. It was like I was dreaming. I even don’t remember much from what happened after that. I know we left in dad’s car at some point. Dad had left the keys in the ignition. The soup on the passenger seat was cool. Someone probably threw it away. I think I drove. I had my license, and it hadn’t been destroyed since it was in my wallet, which was in my backpack. We spent a few days at a hotel. Then someone came by to talk to me. It was some lawyer. The Chief was with her, and he stayed in our room to watch Keith while the lawyer took me to a meeting room on the main floor. She told me about some legal stuff I didn’t really understand, then she asked what I wanted to do with Keith. My eighteenth birthday was only a few weeks away. As an adult, I could choose to become Keith’s legal guardian. I had two options: take up the offer and stay with Keith as his guardian, or let him be put in the system, and we’d be separated. Keith would go to a foster home. I would be held until I turned eighteen, then I’d be on my own. The lawyer said she was sorry for making me decide on something so important so quickly, and so soon after everything that happened, but I had to make a decision before Keith was taken whether I wanted to let him go or not. We didn’t have any relatives to stay with. Dad’s parents had passed long before Keith was born, and Keith’s mom was still in the wind. If she had parents, no one knew who they were. We didn’t have aunts, uncles, or cousins. We didn’t have official godparents. There was no one to take care of us. I guess the Chief had offered, but his wife was fighting terminal cancer, and her doctors wouldn’t allow her any additional stress that would speed up her decline. All we had was each other.”

                Matt folded his arms across his upright knee like a pillow and laid his head on them with his face pointed toward Shiro. “You chose Keith.”

                “Of course I did.” Shiro ran his fingers through his hair again. He’d been doing that quite a lot recently. “Keith was all I had left. I couldn’t lose him, too. And I knew he wouldn’t do well in the system with his temper, or the way he refused to trust strangers. I’d seen what happened to kids like him. I didn’t think he’d last long at his first foster home, either; not when he woke up screaming from nightmares every night after the fire. I had to sign more paperwork than I’d ever seen in my entire life to make it official, but eventually I was able to go back to the hotel room. We stayed there two more nights, then the Chief showed up and told us we had somewhere more permanent to go to. I was confused at first, since I hadn’t bought a house or an apartment. Keith and I didn’t have much money of our own, and dad hadn’t been rich, either. He didn’t leave behind nearly enough to buy or rent a house. The Chief wouldn’t say anything when he took us to our current house. It wasn’t far from where we lived before, and it had the essential furnishings in it already. The Chief brought us inside, showed up around, then handed me the keys and said it was ours. I didn’t understand. It turns out word of the fire and our dad’s passing had spread quickly through the area, and everyone had heard about Mr. Kogane’s two orphaned boys with nowhere to go. Dad had been a firefighter for years, and he helped and saved people all over the county. Everyone seemed to know him. The other firefighters decided it was about time that the community repaid him for his work, so they did a fundraiser. They raised enough money to buy us a new house, and the person selling it cut the cost when he found out why the house was being bought by the fire department. The extra funds got put aside in an account so we’d have something left to support ourselves on, and the house was put in my name. It was ours. I didn’t know what to say, but the Chief understood what I wanted to tell him. He told me to call if we needed help settling in, and that the fire department would be there for us if we needed anything. He left after that, to give us space, but I didn’t feel as alone as I did before. It was hard to believe what everyone had done for us, but I’m grateful they did it. Without the help we got, I didn’t know how long I could’ve kept Keith. I got a job a few weeks after everything happened and worked after school almost every night, but I never could have made enough to buy a house and support us both. Of course, I never would’ve given Keith up willingly, but they could’ve deemed me an unfit guardian and taken him anyway.”

                “I’m glad everything worked out.”

                A grim smile that made Matt’s heart sink tugged at Shiro’s lips. “Not quite. The house kept Keith and I together, but everything else kept going downhill.”

                Matt swallowed thickly against the nausea that rose in his throat as Shiro continued.

                “I was out of school for three weeks. The first was when we were staying at the hotel and I was trying to feel like I was real again. The second and third were spent settling into the house. I hardly slept because of Keith’s nightmares. He refused to sleep alone, so he stayed in my room with me, and I was woken up every time he started to kick and scream in his sleep. During the rare hours when Keith’s nightmares weren’t waking me up, my own were. Sometimes I got to the house when the fire had burned itself out and there was nothing left, not even Keith, because he’d gotten trapped inside with dad. Other times, I got there when the house was still burning, and I could never dig through the debris fast enough no matter how loud dad and Keith screamed at me from the other side of the door. Neither of us slept well for months, and even when Keith finally started to sleep in his own room and make it through the whole night without a nightmare, I woke up to him pounding on his bedroom door was night because his window had been left open and the breeze blew the door shut. Keith wouldn’t close his bedroom door for over a year after the fire, and I didn’t know why until he told me about what happened. How his door had gotten blocked by debris. He was afraid his door would get stuck again if there was another fire, because then he’d be trapped, and either he wouldn’t get out and would die in his room, or someone would save him again, and they’d die just like dad did. His old room didn’t have a window, and even though his new one did and it was big enough to escape through, Keith’s brain always forgot about it because he was so fixated on the door. He usually sleeps fine now, but there have been a few times in recent years when I’ve gotten up in the middle of the night and seen him sleeping with his door wide open. He didn’t answer the first few times I asked about it, but eventually he admitted that he still has nightmares sometimes and can’t go back to sleep unless his door is open. I mean, anymore, he’s strong enough to kick down every door in the house if he wanted, but his brain won’t let him forget about that day. He’s afraid of fire, gets anxious over closed doors, and the smell of smoke gives him panic attacks even, what, eight years later?”

                Matt nodded. His dad had been retired for years, but the battlefield lingered in the dark corners of Samuel Holt’s mind.

                “Keith wasn’t the only who’d changed. I used to hang out with friends and play sports after school, but after the fire, I quit everything so I could spend more time at work. I only saw my friends during class and at lunch. I didn’t joke around as much as I used to, or crack as many jokes. I turned down invites to other people’s houses for parties or just to hang out even if I wasn’t scheduled to work that day because I was so exhausted from cramming in school and work while also taking care of Keith. The McClains were a lot of help, as I’ve said before. They even tried to adopt Keith and I after the fire, but like us, they’ve never had a lot of money, and their house was already full. They chipped in what they could for the fundraiser, though, and Mr. and Mrs. McClain would stop by the house with Tupperware containers crammed full of food a few times a week because they were worried we weren’t eating well. Even with their help, though, I still had to work as many hours as the state would allow, then a few extra off the books. I threw college out the window, too. I’d been thinking about studying to become a pilot since I’d always wanted to fly, but that didn’t matter after the fire. I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford college, and even if I managed to get enough scholarships to cover my classes despite my grades being less than stellar, I couldn’t leave Keith without income. That part pissed off Adam. Well, he was already pissed, but it pissed him off more. We didn’t fight before the fire, but we fought all the time after. First, he got angry about me ghosting him after I left school on the day of the fire. He sent a thousand texts and called so many times that my voicemail ran out of storage from his messages. I didn’t ignore him on purpose, though. I was just so distracted by everything that happened, and I forgot about my phone after it died. Adam cooled down after we talked about it, and he told me he was just upset because all he’d known was that my house burned down and my dad was dead, but he’d heard next to nothing about me and whether or not I was injured or safe. I apologized, and for a little while, we were okay. He understood that Keith came first, and he didn’t mind that we rarely went on dates anymore. He offered to come over and look after Keith on my days off so I could rest, but I felt like I’d be shoving my responsibilities onto him, so I said no, and he started to get angry again. We kept arguing about my job, with him saying I was killing myself from trying to do too much at once while I tried to make him understand that I had no choice. When I told him I wasn’t going to college, we argued more. Enlistment was our breaking point. Enlisting meant I could become a pilot like I always wanted, but instead of paying thousands for school, I’d be paid to learn and serve. I’d still be bringing in income to support Keith, and even though he was still young and I didn’t want to leave him alone, he had the McClains and the fire department to look after him. I thought it was the best option I had even though it ruined my relationship with Adam. Then the accident happened, and Adam was gone forever, too.”

                Matt had thought that Adam’s death had been tragic back when he didn’t have all the facts. He’d thought it was awful that Shiro’s ex, who he still loved, had died so suddenly after a fight. Now that he knew this loss had happened not long after Shiro lost his father and nearly his brother, and had sacrificed both his future and what childhood he had left, Matt found he couldn’t comprehend Shiro’s pain. He had no words, so he said nothing.

                A pained chuckle slipped past Shiro’s lips. “I enlisted the day after Adam’s funeral. It wasn’t just for Keith’s sake anymore, though. It’s true that Keith became the center of my world after dad died. Yes, I chose enlistment over college because doing so had more to offer him, but I didn’t enlist then and there for Keith. I’d intended to hold off for at least a year. I’d graduated, but Keith had just started junior high. My original plan was to stay and work as many hours as I could squeeze into the next year. I wanted to build more savings and spend more time with Keith before I went, just in case I…y’know…”

                “Just in case you didn’t make it back?” Matt supplied quietly, his voice a whisper.

                Shiro nodded. “I couldn’t wait, though, not after that. I was tired of losing. I was tired of being too late, and I was scared. My dad was gone, and there was nothing I could do but stare at the ruins of the house he died in after it was all over. Adam was gone, and I didn’t know until his mom showed up at my door three days later to tell me. I didn’t have many important people in my life to begin with, but suddenly I was losing the ones I had all at once, and I wasn’t able to stop any of it. I lost my dad, then my boyfriend, and my little brother was barely holding himself together. I was scared that the losing wouldn’t end there, and I didn’t want to get a call at work one day, or wake up one morning, and find out that someone else was gone. So, I left,” he said with his shoulders slumped in defeat. “I took the first opportunity to leave, and I only looked back long enough to promise Keith that I’d come home. Then I ran away and broke the only promise I had left to keep. I was so scared of losing someone else that I made my little brother take the pain instead. Because of me, he was the one who got pulled out of class by the principal in the middle of the day. My fifteen year old brother had to sit down in the principal’s office with some military officer he didn’t know and hear that something went wrong, and the only family he had left wasn’t coming home. I wasn’t there to see what happened to him myself, but Lance filled me in after I got back. It destroyed Keith. He missed school for a month. He shut himself in my room and wouldn’t leave no matter who tried to convince him to come out. He stopped answering texts, then stopped reading them altogether. Lance got scared and learned how to pick a lock so he could break into the house. He dragged Keith out and wouldn’t let go of him no matter how much Keith fought back, then he took Keith home with him. The McClains watched out for Keith until I was back because they knew how much he was hurting; they knew he felt like he had nothing left for him in the world, and they got worried he might—” Shiro stopped abruptly, but Matt didn’t need him to fill in the blank.

                There was silence while Shiro scrubbed roughly at his face with both hands, and Matt pretended not to notice the glassy sheen in Shiro eyes.

                “You were a kid too, Shiro,” Matt reminded. “Maybe Keith was younger, and maybe your decisions caused him pain, but that wasn’t your fault. You were doing what you thought was best for your brother, and you shouldn’t blame yourself just because your plan didn’t go the way you thought it would. You shouldn’t blame yourself for something you couldn’t control, or for being a kid who was scared.”

                “I wasn’t a kid. I was an adult. I was Keith’s guardian.”

                “You were a kid who was barely eighteen, who was saddled with the responsibility of raising your little brother after losing two of the most important people in your life. You were scared and you were hurting, but you still did what you felt you had to do to give Keith a future.”

                Shiro shook his head. “That doesn’t mean I don’t regret it.”

                Shiro fell silent, and Matt didn’t speak again. There were no more words to be had between them. Shiro breathed slow and deep around the gaping cavern in his chest, emptied by a flood of words and memories long-suppressed. The weight he’d carried within himself for years now hung in the air and bore down on his shoulders as if he was Atlas. However, the burden lightened some when Matt moved closer and let his head, which still rested on his pillowed arms, tilt against Shiro’s shoulder.

                Together they sat in silence, head to shoulder, foot to foot, with the weight of past lives draped over their defeated forms.

Chapter Text

                Friday afternoon when Shiro returned to his dorm after his aviation class, his phone rang. He propped his backpack against the side of his bed and dug his phone out of his pocket. Keith’s name lit up the screen.

                “Keith?”

                “Hey, Shiro.”

                “Are you doing okay? Do you want me to go home?”

                “No, you don’t have to. I’m feeling a lot better today.”

                A silent sigh of relief slipped between Shiro’s lips. “Good. Are you going to stay with the McClains for a while?”

                “I’m staying over another night, then I’m going back home tomorrow.”

                “Are you sure? The McClains wouldn’t mind if you want to stay with them longer. Or I can go home for the weekend and stay with you so you aren’t by yourself.”

                “Thanks, but I won’t be alone, actually. Lance is coming with me. He’s staying over for the weekend and maybe a few days into the week if I need him to.”

                Shiro nodded to himself, then a small smile crept across his face. “Oh, Lance, huh? No wonder you want me to stay at school so bad. Well, don’t worry, I won’t bother the two of you,” he teased.

                “Shiro!” Keith squeaked. His voice dropped to a whisper. “For the last time, I don’t—”

                “Don’t have a crush on Lance? Sure. You’ve been obsessed with him since you guys met in, like, sixth grade.”

                “That was his stupid rivalry thing!”

                “And that was him also being obsessed with you. Mutual obsession.”

                 “Shut up.”

                “I’ll shut up when you ask him out.”

                “No! Even if I did like him, which I don’t, he doesn’t like me! Not like that!”

                “He’s bi, Keith.”

                “Just because he likes dudes doesn’t mean he likes me!”

                “He dropped everything to go pick you up last night, talks about you non-stop when you’re not around, and he gave you flowers.”

                “He helped me out because we are friends, and he bought the flowers for Shay! Then he remembered she has really bad allergies and gave them to me since I like red!”

                “Just because Lance said he bought the flowers for Shay, doesn’t mean he actually did. Lance literally carries allergy medicine for Shay because they are friends, and he didn’t just happen to forget. He was lying so you wouldn’t realize that he likes you.”

                Keith growled on the other end of the call. “Don’t you have a class to be in?”

                “Not for a few more hours.”

                “Maybe you should go sit in on another one, since you clearly have a lot of free time.”

                “I can’t attend a class I didn’t pay for.”

                “Then go bother Matt!”

                “He’s working at the IT Center right now. Oh, by the way, he was with me last night when you called, so he overheard a little bit. I ended up telling him about dad and the fire. I hope you don’t mind.”

                “Matt? No, I don’t mind. I trust him, and it sounds like you do, too.”

                “Yeah. He’s a pretty good guy.”

                “He must be if you two were hanging out last night.”

                Shiro hummed in agreement. “We were watching another dumb movie.”

                “Another? At eleven o’clock at night?”

                “Yes?”

                “Alone? In your dorm?”

                “Yes?”

                “Reaaaaally.”

                “Keith.”

                “You’re giving me shit, and meanwhile, you are watching movies in the middle of the night with your ‘friend’ who you never shut up about.”

                “Because we are friends, and friends spend time together..”

                “But you like him.”

                “I—”

                 Shiro was interrupted by Lance’s distant voice on the other end of the call. “Holy shit, Shiro got a boyfriend?!”

                “I have a friend who is a guy.”

                “He’s literally all you talk about. Every time we text. I can’t remember the last time we talked about something that didn’t involve Matt or past trauma.” Keith countered.

                “It’s not like I have any other friends to call home about.”

                “You could talk about Eurus, or your classes, or some idiot who keeps using the equipment wrong at the gym. That’s what you used to do. But ever since you met Matt, I swear he’s all you talk about.”

                “That doesn’t mean—”

                “Is he cute?” Lance interjected before Shiro could defend himself.

                Shiro paused for a moment. “Uh, I mean, yeah, but—”

                “So you do like him!” Lance accused.

                “No! Well, actually I might—”

                “Shiro, my dude… Ask. Him. Out.”

                “I can’t. I….” Shiro trailed off. He sighed. “Matt is the first friend I’ve made since I started going to this school. For years, the only people I talked to on a regular basis were teachers. I finally have someone to hang out with, and even after I told him about most of the shit in my life, he still wants to be my friend. I can’t risk losing all of that over some dumb crush. Besides, just because he’s gay doesn’t mean he’s into me.”

                Lance started to counter Shiro’s explanation, but was interrupted by Keith. “I get it.”

                Silence fell over the three. Shiro could almost feel Keith’s heart thumping in his chest miles away on the other end of the line.

                “You like Matt. You want to spend as much time with him as you can. He’s one of the most important people in your life, and you want him to stay there. You want to go on dates with him and hold his hand and tell him you love him over and over every minute of every day in case he starts to doubt it. You want to tell him that he’s everything and more, and you don’t know what you would’ve done with yourself if the two of you had never met. You don’t want to think of a world where he isn’t with you. You want to tear open your heart and tell him everything, but you know it could go wrong. You don’t know whether or not he likes you back, and even if he does, maybe he doesn’t want to be anything besides friends. You don’t know if telling him you like him might scare him off, or make him push you away. You don’t know what will happen. All you know is admitting that you like him to his face isn’t something you can take back, and you’re so desperate to keep him with you that you’d rather bite your tongue and remain at his side as his friend than risk losing him completely.”

                Shiro had no response. The nameless anxieties within him had been put into words in a way so painfully accurate and eloquent that he could never have done it himself. Keith had spoken from the heart in the way he often did, a way none could replicate. It was something bare and personal, so much so that the words were clearly not for Shiro alone. As soon as Keith began to speak, his attention was no longer on Shiro and Matt. Instead, the person in Keith’s mind who he was so desperately crying out to was none other than the boy who sat beside him as he always had.

                “Keith has a point, I guess,” Lance mumbled. “Sorry for getting pushy, Shiro. I got excited because you found someone who makes you happy. You’re just, like, a super cool dude and you deserve to have this. I understand, though, if you don’t want to tell him. It’s entirely up to you.”

                Shiro nodded to himself. “I know, but… How do I decide what to do? I—I like him. I like Matt. It took me a while to realize that, but once I did, I couldn’t look at him the same anymore. Being friends with him has been the best thing that’s happened to me in years, but I don’t know how much longer I can stand there and shut up before I blurt out something stupid and ruin everything.” He ran a hand through his hair, then pressed the ball of his hand into his brow to fend off the growing ache in his skull. “I’ve barely managed to keep myself together so far, but eventually, something will slip out, and I won’t have any excuse to cover it with.”

                Lance hummed on the other end of the line. “Well, when did this all start? Like, what made you stop and think ‘I like him’ for the first time?”

                “Uh, I don’t really know. The feeling just kind of shows up because of lots of different stuff. Sometimes I walk into the IT Center or his room, and he’s sitting on the floor surrounded by little pieces of computers and scraps that he’s constantly picking through to find what he needs to fix whatever he’s working on. He notices me watching him some days, but most times he’s so focused on what he’s doing that he doesn’t know I’m there, and I get to watch him. Once he fixes something, he gets this smile that spreads across his face so slowly… It’s like watching the sun rise. Sometimes it happens at random moments, like when we were killing time at a thrift store the other day and he tried walking in heels. He looked like an idiot, but I could’ve stood there for years and the smile would never had left my face.”

                “So, your type is nerds,” Keith accused lightheartedly, earning a snort from Lance and an eye roll from Shiro.

                “Hey, I like his hair, too.”

                “Isn’t it kind of long?”

                “It’s past his shoulders now, long enough to put in a little ponytail. It looks cute when he wears it up. There was one day, though… It was during the aviation fair. His hair was a little shorter at that point, but anyway, he was standing in the hangar when I started the propeller on my plane. I was taking up some visitors who Matt had led out to the plane, and I caught a glimpse of him before I left. His hair was blowing around his face like…I don’t know. As soon as I saw him, I couldn’t look away. He was smiling, and he had this look on his face like he was excited for something. Most of my memories from that day just kind of blur together, but that moment stands out.”

                “Is that when you realized you like him?” Lance asked.

                “I didn’t recognize it then, but looking back, it was one of those earlier moments when I felt something. So, yeah. In a way, it was, I guess.”

                Keith began to speak again, but he paused when the distant sound of a bell rang out. “Shit. Sorry, Shiro. We have to go. Class starts in, like, two minutes.” Keith’s words were punctuated by the faint rustle of items being gathered and bags slipping onto shoulders. “Lance, hurry up!”

                “I’m hurrying!”

                Shiro swallowed a chuckle.  “Be good, and you two be careful on your way to Lance’s later today.”

                “Bye!” Keith and Lance called in unison just before the line went dead.

                Shiro shook his head at the two, then plopped gracelessly on the floor next to his bed. He rummaged through his back in search of his homework. Sheets of notes and questions piled up in Shiro’s hands, and when the stack finally stopped growing, he sighed and dropped his head against the wall behind him. He had too much work to do, and not enough energy to finish it all. It was especially difficult to focus when Keith’s words echoed in his ears and the memory of Matt leaning against his side burned Shiro’s skin.

                Takashi Shirogane was in love with Matthew Holt. That much, he knew. Whether or not he was willing to risk their friendship for something that could end far faster than it had begun, Shiro wasn’t sure. For now, he’d say nothing. He’d wait and weigh his options. Eventually, Shiro would have to decide, but the present wasn’t the right time. He had work to do.

Chapter Text

                Saturday morning, Shiro parked his car in the driveway of the Holt household. He stepped out, approached the door, and knocked quietly on the wood.

                Almost a full minute later, the door opened. Pidge stood on the other side. She nodded for Shiro to come in as she stepped aside, then shut the door behind him.

                “You know you won’t hurt the door by knocking on it. The tree is already dead, Shiro. Actually, I’m pretty sure this isn’t even real wood. It’s synthetic,” Pidge said.

                Shiro’s brow furrowed. “But…I did knock?”

                “You knocked so quietly you might as well have just stood outside the door in silence like a stalker until someone realized you were there.”

                “You heard me.”

                Pidge pointed toward a nearby window. “It’s hard to miss a six-foot-something dude built like a tank standing in front of the door like a nervous teenager picking up his date.”

                Shiro decided not to comment on Pidge’s joke and instead glanced down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. “Is Matt not awake yet?”

                Instead of answering, Pidge walked down the hallway. She stopped in front of Matt’s room, raised a fist, then began to repeatedly slam it against the door. “WAKE UP DUMBASS, YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS HERE!”

                “I’m not…” Shiro mumbled, though he trailed off when Pidge fixed him with a smug look.

                “That is how you knock.”

                Before Shiro could think of a response, Matt’s door flew open, and Matt himself spilled into the hallway.

                “PIDGE WHAT THE FUCK?!” Matt rubbed his eyes and groaned. “It isn’t even close to ten yet, and I—” He paused when he noticed Shiro standing by the front door. “Oh.”

                What Matt said next, Shiro didn’t know. The words flew over his head as his breath flew from his lungs at the sight of tousled hair framing bleary eyes. The sleeves of Matt’s oversized pajama shirt covered his hands up to his knuckles.

                “Uh, h-hi?” Shiro choked out, his voice pitched embarrassingly high. He hoped the flush in his face wasn’t as pronounced as it felt.

                “Shit, uh, gimme like, two-ish minutes?” Matt stammered. He raked a hand through his mess of hair, which failed to do anything but make it messier. “I missed my alarm. Sorry!” he called over his shoulder as he lunged back into his room and slammed the door behind himself.

                Shiro and Pidge stared at the door, then exchanged looks. Pidge’s expression then grew smug as she took in the redness of Shiro’s face. “You look a little frost-bitten,” she said, gesturing to his face.

                Shiro nodded and scratched the back of his neck. “Yeah, it’s, um, the wind is a bit chilly today.”

                Pidge nodded, though the light in her eyes said she didn’t buy a word. “He’s gonna be a few minutes. You can wait in the living room if you want.”

                When Shiro politely opted to remain by the front door, Pidge left the offer standing and retreated to her room while Shiro waited.

                Three minutes later, Matt stumbled out of his room. He’d changed into jeans and a light jacket, shoved his hair into a beanie, and was fumbling a pair of fingerless gloves in his hands. “Alright, I just gotta— oh shit.” He stooped to pick up one of his gloves when it dropped to the floor. “Okay, now I’m ready to go.”

                “You sure you didn’t forget anything? There’s no need to rush,” Shiro assured.

                “It’s alright. I already made you wait.”

                Shiro frowned. “Don’t you want a warmer jacket? It’s still cold out.”

                “I’ll be fine. You ready to go?”

                The pair left with a goodbye to Pidge thrown over their shoulders. They settled into the front seats of Shiro’s car, where Shiro cranked up the heat to drive out the chill which had begun to settle while he was inside.

                “You got the vouchers?” Shiro asked with one hand on the wheel and the other of the gear shift.

                Matt fished two slips from his pocket and waved them in the air. “Pidge said if neither of us get a strike, we owe her twenty bucks.”

                Shiro backed out of the driveway. “If neither of us gets a strike, I’ll give her fifty.”

                “Don’t tell her you said that.”

                “We should at least thank her for the vouchers.”

                “I did. She told me to not suck at bowling.”

                “I hope that only applies to you,” Shiro said. He stopped the car at the subdivision’s exit as cars blew past from both directions.

                Matt raised his eyebrows. “Not much of a bowler?”

                “Not since I was, like, sixteen. Even then, I only went a few times with Keith and Adam.”

                “Nice.” Matt bit his lip and frowned. “I think I’ve gone bowling, like, three times. In my entire life.”

                Shiro snorted. “Was Pidge being nice when she offered you the vouchers, or does she just want to make us look like idiots in front of all the ten-year-olds at their bowling alley birthday parties.”

                “I’m not sure, but she did say ‘since you like balls’ when she gave me the vouchers.”

                Shiro had been creeping forward with the intention to pull onto the road after the next car passed, but after Matt spoke, he slammed on the brakes and fixed Matt with a look of disbelief. “You’re joking.”

                Matt shrugged. “I mean, she wasn’t wrong.”

                Shiro choked while Matt dissolved into hysterics. “Not while I’m driving,” Shiro wheezed. A gap in traffic appeared, and he hurried onto the road before the approaching cars got too close.

                “Right, I’ll save the innuendos for the bowling alley full of ten year-olds.”

                “Please don’t.”

-000-

                At the bowling alley, Matt and Shiro handed over their vouchers in exchange for shoes, then searched for their lane. It wasn’t hard to find, as the building was nearly deserted.

                “Lane ten, as in the number of pins we’ll both miss every time we throw,” Matt joked as he dropped unceremoniously on the bench in front of their lane and began to wrestle off his shoes.

                Shiro sat beside Matt. “I hope we aren’t that bad.”

                Once the two changed their shoes and collected their bowling balls, they hovered the lane’s console, setting up the game.

                “What name do you want?” Matt asked.

                Shiro shrugged. “Just ‘Shiro’ is fine.”

                Matt groaned. “Shiro, my dude, you can choose literally any name under 10 characters that won’t traumatize any grandmas who see it. There are possibilities. Using your regular name is a crime.” When Shiro gave no response, Matt sighed and typed ‘plane man’ before moving to the next line, where he typed ‘breadstick’.

                “I get ‘plane man’, but where’d you get ‘breadstick’ from?”

                “I saw a Little Caesar’s billboard on the way here that was advertising their breadsticks.”

                “Creative?”

                Matt patted Shiro’s shoulder. “I’ll get you into social media and the world of memes someday.”

                “Thanks?”

                “You’re welcome. Also, you’re up, Plane Man.”

                Shiro glanced at the screen over the lane. Sure enough, he was first. “You are an evil man.”

                “I know, it keeps me awake at night. Now bowl.”

                Shiro stood and hesitantly approached the lane. He picked up his ball from the return machine at his side and weighed it in his hands. It was rather light. Was it better to have a light ball or a heavy ball? He wasn’t sure.

                After a moment of staring down the lane, Shiro stepped forward and threw. The ball rolled down the middle of the lane until the halfway point, where it began to curve. It fell into the gutter right next to the pins. “Shit…” Shiro muttered. He turned back to the ball return and caught Matt throwing a thumbs up his way. When Shiro bowled again, his second attempt was only as successful as the first. He sulked back to the bench.

                “If nothing else, you’re good at not doing anything straight. Including throwing,” Matt offered as he stood to take his turn. His first attempt was a gutter ball. The second took down three pins.

                Shiro raised his eyebrows. “Not bad?”

                Matt scrubbed his face. “The temptation to stomp on my pride and use bumpers is overwhelming.”

                While Matt stewed in his own disappointment, Shiro stood for his turn. However, instead of going straight to throwing, he backtracked to the ball rack against the back wall, where he selected a ball twice as heavy as the one he’d previously chosen. It wasn’t so heavy that he wouldn’t be able to throw it properly, and he hoped the extra weight would help the ball make it to the pins before rotation took control.

                Shiro stepped up the lane and threw the new ball. Matt looked up in time to see the ball crash into the pins and send all ten flying. Shiro whirled around and fixed Matt with a surprised look that matched Matt’s stunned expression.

                “How the fuck did you do that?!” Matt hissed when Shiro returned to the bench.

                Shiro shrugged. “I just got a heavier ball.”

                “Can I try yours?”

                “Sure.”

                Matt scurried to the return machine. When Shiro’s ball returned from the depths of the lane, he picked it up, only to nearly drop it. He hefted the ball up under his chin with both hands, then turned toward Shiro with wide eyes. “How did you throw this thing? It weighs, like, a hundred pounds!”

                Shiro wordlessly lifted his left arm and flexed it. Even through the material of his long sleeves, his muscles were clearly visible.

                Matt scowled. “Right. You’re literally the Hulk. I forgot.” He set Shiro’s bowling ball back on the return machine, then jogged over to the ball rack for something manageable. When he returned to the lane with a new ball, he stood motionless in the middle of the lane for a moment before throwing. The ball barely took down a single pin the first time. The second, it rolled straight into the gutter. “Oh, that is so fucked up,” he groaned as he plopped down on the bench in defeat.

                “Sorry,” Shiro offered.

                “Damn, I can’t lift half of the bowling balls or throw straight even though I literally go to the gym once or twice a week. What’s your secret? Do you low-key live off protein shakes or something?” Matt asked. “I need to know how I can pick up the heaviest ball they have and yeet at the pins like they murdered my entire family.”

                Shiro blinked, then slowly shook his head. “Uh, I mean, I don’t really drink protein shakes. They’re expensive, and they taste like carpet.”

                Matt stared. “You are the envy of gym rats and personal fitness trainers everywhere. And also literally everyone else.”

                “O-kay….” Shiro glanced around. “What if you try using one of the dinosaurs?”

                “The what?”

                Shiro pointed at a row of green and blue plastic dinosaurs pushed against the wall near the ball racks. Each dinosaur had a track that ran from its head, down it’s back, to the floor at the end of its tail. “You put the ball on the top of the dinosaur and push it down the track. It’s so kids and people who have a hard time throwing can still bowl. Keith used to love them. He wouldn’t bowl unless we found him a dinosaur.”

                Matt gasped. He sprang up from the bench and hurried over to the row of dinosaurs, where he selected a green one and carried it back to their lane. While he was busy, Shiro bowled his turn. He got a spare.

                After the pins reset, Matt carried the dinosaur to the front of the lane. Once he had it in position, he grabbed his ball, set it on the track, and pushed. The ball rolled down the dinosaur’s back, onto the lane, and into the pins. It wasn’t fast, but the ball managed to take down six pins.

                Shiro clapped. His lips tugged up into a smirk when Matt knelt down and hugged the dinosaur.

                “I’m marrying this dinosaur. Who needs men when I can have a bowling dinosaur instead,” Matt declared, prompting Shiro to snort.

                “Your parents would be proud. I’m sure they’re excited for the wedding.”

                “All I need is a tie and a cake. That’s it. I’ll get those, then I will marry this dinosaur.”

                “No tux?”

                Matt contemplated for a moment, then shrugged. “Only if it makes me look hot.”

                “I’m sure you would,” Shiro blurted. After speaking, he immediately clenched his teeth so hard that a muscle in his jaw popped. His face warmed, and alarm bells went off in his mind. Why the actual fuck did I say that? Shiro’s only consolation was the fact that Matt didn’t react. He went on with his turn as if he hadn’t heard Shiro. Maybe he hadn’t.

                Unbeknownst to Shiro, Matt hurried to bowl so he could hide the flush that had taken over his own face.

-000-

                That night, Shiro was laying in bed when his phone vibrated on the nightstand. He picked it up and found a text from Matt.

Matt: Forgot to tell you I told my dad that I was gonna marry the bowling dinosaur and he said that wouldn’t be a financially sound decision because the dinosaur isn’t paid for its work

Matt: Now im considering forming a bowling dinosaur union to fight for a living wage for these hardworking dinosaurs

Shiro: The determination of a man in love

Shiro: I’m sure the dinosaurs appreciate it

Matt: Pidge told me to get a life and friends

Matt: I think shes just jealous

Shiro: Maybe

Matt: Also she said good job btw

Matt: To you

Matt: Not me

Matt: Even though I got a strike smh

Shiro: You did pretty well

Shiro: Especially with the dinosaur

Matt: Thanks for the charity mr 5 strikes

Shiro: You had fun though, right?

Matt: Yep

Matt: u?

Shiro: It was nice. Not something I’d want to do all the time, but not boring

Shiro: Nice change from shitty movies. Also cheaper

Matt: Ooo are you a bowling fan now

Matt: Mr ball enjoyer

Shiro:

Shiro: Please don’t call it that

Matt: Are you not a ball enjoyer

Shiro:

Matt: You aren’t straight and you didn’t hate bolwing there is only one correct response

Matt: bolwing*

Matt: BOWLING**

Shiro: Ha

Shiro: Fine

Shiro: I guess I am a ball enjoyer

Matt: Lmaooo screenshotted

Shiro: -_-

Shiro: I will leave you on read and sleep

Matt: It isn’t even midnight

Matt: O wait I forgot the elderly go to bed early

Shiro: I’m literally only 5 years older than you

Matt: Yes but im a nerd

Matt: An entirely different species

Shiro: Why are you like this

Matt: Because im perfect

Shiro: Lol sure

Shiro: I actually am tired through

Shiro: And I think that ball fucked up my arm

Matt: Ohoho?

Shiro:

Shiro:

Shiro: I’m literally leaving

Shiro: Good night

                Despite his complaints, Shiro had a smirk on his face as he returned his phone to the nightstand and closed his eyes to sleep. Matt was Matt, bad jokes and all, and Shiro wouldn’t have him any other way.

Chapter Text

                The following week brought a tidal wave of unexpected work upon the University’s shores. With midterms approaching, every professor had tripled the amount of homework they typically gave their students. Matt and Shiro were especially swamped when trouble knocked on both of their doors. One of Matt’s coworkers at the IT Center was out sick with the flu, so he had to cover a few of their shifts on top of his own. Shiro was roped into helping fix on of the school’s planes, which had broken down despite mid-semester flight exams being scheduled for the next week. Con was out of town due to a family emergency and Sam was desperate for someone he could trust to help the university’s flight mechanic get the plane up and flying once more. Initially, Sam had been hesitant to ask for Shiro’s help. He already knew how much work Shiro had to do for his aviation class already, let alone all his classes combined, but desperation crushed his reluctance. Shiro wasn’t great at turning down requests, especially when his mechanics professor offered him extra credit if he took on the project.

Matt: Shiro im gonna die

Matt: Ive never seen so many numbers on one page in my life

Matt: Wtf is this hw deadass

Shiro: I know how you feel

Shiro: It took us 7 hours to find what was wrong with the plane

Shiro: Now we still have to get a few new parts and fix it

Shiro: I swear I’m in the hangar longer than I’m in my dorm this week.

Matt: Fuck it     

Matt: Lets drop out and become strippers

Shiro:

Shiro: No.

Matt: Why not??? :((((

Shiro: I’m not taking my clothes off for a bunch of random drunk people, and your sister will kill you if you drop out of school

Matt: She’ll change her mind when I starting making BANK

Shiro: Do your homework

Matt: No

Shiro:

Matt: Fine

                The pair’s interactions throughout the school week were limited to short conversations which were few and far between. It was difficult to find time to text, let alone meet, when Shiro was elbow-deep in a plane’s innerworkings and Matt was replacing screen after shattered screen of unfortunate phones which had served as landing pads when their owners slipped on the icy campus sidewalks.     

                By Friday night, Matt was free from the IT Center, and the broken plane was finally running again. Both Matt and Shiro had trudged through their respective mounds of homework until their eyes refused to focus on the words which littered the pages. While there was still more to be done, the two knew they deserved a break, though they didn’t know what to do. It was nearly 10pm, so the theater was about to close, the bowling alley would be packed, parks would be dark and allow shady figures to lurk freely, and neither had the energy to venture out of town.

Matt: I’d invite you over by the house has been overtaken by plants

Matt: One of the greenhouses at my mom’s lab was damaged by strong winds the other day

Matt: Her and her coworkers all took home as many as they could so they won’t die since its so cold out

Matt: At least the house is hella warm

Matt: Mom wont turn up the heat for us people because “the bill is too expensive”

Matt: But if it’s a plant then hooooooly shit money is irrelevant gotta keep these plants warm

Shiro: Blankets and hoodies don’t quite cut it for plants

Matt: But it was so cooooooold

                Shiro glanced around his dorm. He’d only just gotten back from the hangar, so he hadn’t had the chance to turn up the heat, though it seemed someone had left the heat on for the entire building throughout the day. His dorm was just warm enough that he felt comfortable without any kind of jacket or coat.

Shiro: Do you want to come over for a bit then? I know it’s late, but it’s a weekend and you don’t work tomorrow.

Shiro: There isn’t really much to do, but Lance sent me his Netflix login and demanded I watch a bunch of stuff on there

Shiro: Might be shit but watching garbage TV means we can sit and do nothing for multiple hours

Matt: Oh hell yeah

Shiro: Do you need me to pick you up from anywhere?

Matt: Im still on campus

Matt: Ive been waiting for my dad since I got out of work

Matt: Hes been working late to cover Con

Shiro: I noticed. I hope he isn’t working himself too hard, or he’ll be out sick once Con gets back

Shiro: If Con has to do every flight exam for his classes all by himself, the world will burn

Matt: I told him not to worry too much

Matt: If everything goes to shit Con can take care of it when he comes back

Matt: Anyway I can head over to your dorm now if that’s okay

Shiro: Sure. Just be careful

Matt: If anyone tries to jump me ill break their face

Shiro: I was more concerned about you slipping on the sidewalks, but good to know you’re prepared

Matt: Always

Matt: See you in 10

-000-

                Seven minutes after Matt’s last text, Shiro heard a knock on the other side of his door.

                “What happened to ten minutes?” Shiro teased as Matt stepped inside

                “Well, when you’re a god like I am, icy sidewalks become a faster mode of transportation than regular ones.”

                Shiro’s brow furrowed.

                “I got a running start and slid across the icy patches of the sidewalk. It was faster,” Matt explained.

                “Oh.” Shiro nodded, then glanced down at the melting snow that clung to Matt’s legs. “How many times did you fall?”

                Matt gave no response as he set his bag on the floor next to his shoes.

                “Three?” Shiro guessed.

                Matt glared at Shiro over his shoulder and mumbled something.

                “What?”

                “…Seven.”

                Shiro failed to suppress a short fit of laughter.

                “It was worth it! You know how quickly I got here!” Matt argued while Shiro planted his hand on the wall and hung his head to calm himself.

                “Let’s see if you still feel the same way when you’re distracted from Netflix because you’re sitting in damp jeans.”

                “You are an evil man, Shiro. Evil!”

                “It’s not like I made you slip on the ice. Actually, I told you not to slip on the ice.”

                “Which means I’m gonna slip on the ice! If you tell me to do something, I do the opposite. You should know this by now.”

                Shiro rolled his eyes in mock annoyance. “Yep. Totally. I’m well aware that you’re Satan incarnate. The most rebellious of the rebels. If someone tells you to take out the trash, you’ll make eye contact with them and eat it.”

                “Exactly,” Matt confirmed. “Anyway, what do you want to watch? I don’t have Netflix, so I don’t know what’s on there.”

                “Uh.” Shiro slipped his phone out of his pocket and opened his conversation with Lance. A list of movies and shows spanned up and beyond the top of his screen. He handed his phone to Matt. “That’s all the stuff Lance recommended I watch. Well, it was actually more of a threat, but, eh. You recognize anything?”

                Matt scrolled until he found the top of the list, then ran his gaze slowly down the list. He skipped over some names, while others he said aloud with varying degrees of interest. “The Old Guard is really good. Also gay.” “Lucifer is bad but also good.” “I’ve heard that The Magicians is more horny than magical, so probably skip that.” “Merlin is good but queerbait.” “I love She-Ra but Pidge and I watch it together, and she’ll kill me if I get ahead of her on it.” “I’ve heard good things about The Witcher, but like The Magicians, horny.” “Umbrella Academy?”

                “Lance accidentally spoiled season two for me, but I’ll watch it if you’re interested.”

                “Hm.” Matt continued scrolling. “Holy shit, this list is longer than an extension cord.”

                Shiro nodded. “Lance is an avid Netflix watcher.”

                “No shit,” Matt mumbled. “Oh.” He paused and turned the screen toward Shiro. Matt’s finger hovered next to a title in the middle of the list. “The Untamed is awesome. I’ve only managed to watch a few episodes, but definitely give it a look. I’d say watch it now, but I can hardly read this list. I doubt I’ll be able to keep up with the subtitles right now.”

                A long silence overtook the room while Matt continued to scroll, shaking his head to himself and mouthing names he didn’t recognize while Shiro picked at his gloves, waiting.

                “Do you want the good news, or the bad news?” Matt asked without looking up, finally breaking the silence.

                Shiro frowned and glanced at Matt uneasily. “What?”

                “Good or bad?”

                “Uh, good?”

                “The good news is, I found something we can watch that I think we’ll both like.”

                “Bad?”

                “It has fifteen seasons, ninety percent of the writing is shit, it wrote the book on queerbaiting, and you have to hate everyone or you won’t make it through the whole show without crying.”

                “Have you watched it before?”

                Matt shook his head. “Nope. This is just what I’ve heard. A lot. Everywhere. For years.”

                “And, uh, what’s it called?”

                “Supernatural.”

-000-

                Matt and Shiro found themselves sitting on the bedroom floor in the dark, slouched again the wall in Shiro’s room with Shiro’s laptop open on the floor in front of them. The two discussed what they expected to see based on what information they’d gathered from the internet in the past. Silence fell when the first episode began.

                They were twenty minutes into the second episode when Shiro’s eyelids began to feel heavy. He tried to blink the weight away, but failed. He’d woken up extra early that morning in hopes that he could get a head-start on the broken plane and have it finished before his first class, though he’d still found himself in the hangar until almost nine o’clock at night. It was past eleven o’clock now.

                Matt didn’t notice that Shiro had fallen asleep until the second episode finished.

                “Should we watch episode three, or…” Matt trailed off when he looked to the side and saw that Shiro’s eyes were closed. Matt stared for a moment, then slowly reached out and nudged Shiro’s shoulder. He nudged him again. Shiro didn’t stir. Matt’s hand silently returned to his side.

                The third episode of Supernatural had begun on auto-play, but Matt didn’t notice. His attention was on Shiro. Shiro looked exhausted, even when asleep. The dark circles under his eyes were hard to see when the only light in the room came from the laptop in front of them, but Matt could still make them out. Did Shiro always look this tired? Matt was sure Shiro hadn’t always been this way, not since they’d met. However, when he thought back on it, he realized he’d seen exhaustion on Shiro’s more frequently in past few months than during the previous semester. It was hard to tell exactly what the problem was, as Matt could name multiple off the top of his head. There were probably more things that were stressing Shiro out. Things Matt didn’t know.

                Matt didn’t want to pry. He tried not to ask questions he wouldn’t want to be asked, and if he didn’t have a clue what he’d say if he were in the other person’s shoes, he at least stop for a moment to consider his words before saying them. He did so out of habit, one he learned from his dad. A man whose words could send soldiers to their deaths knew just how heavily the weight of them was. Sam had taught his children that lesson time and time again since they learned to speak.

                Despite how careful he tried to be with his spoken words, Matt couldn’t control his own thoughts. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t have any questions he’d been dying to ask. He was curious about many things when it came to Shiro, someone he both knew so well and didn’t know at all. He knew Shiro was a veteran, lost his adoptive father to a house fire, had a little brother, suffered from mental illness, and was one of the kindest people Matt had ever met despite his misfortune. But what about the things Shiro had yet to explain? How did he get the scar that stretched across the bridge of his nose? Why did he always wear long sleeves, even at the gym and in the summer? And the gloves, even in his own dorm? Why did Shiro always seem to be on Matt’s right side, and almost never his left? That was one of the questions Matt was most curious about. That, and the circumstances of Shiro’s military career and discharge. Matt didn’t know much, but he had a feeling there was a story much bigger than anything he could expect waiting to be told. It was something about Shiro’s eyes when he talked about his service, a look Matt had seen before on his dad. That question, despite being the one that burned Matt’s brain with the most intensity, was the one he absolutely would never ask.

                There was one more question, actually, that Matt had recently taken to pondering more than anything else. It lurked where the shadows began in his mind, just close enough to his conscience for him to be aware of it, but far enough away that it wasn’t the only thing he could think about. It was the one he’d begun to ask himself as he became more aware of what he felt, specifically, what he felt around Shiro. Is there any chance at all that Shiro might like me back, someday?

                The moment the question crossed Matt’s mind, a loud jump scare exploded out of the laptop’s speakers. Matt flinched at the sudden noise, remembering all at once that Supernatural was still playing. Next to him, Shiro jolted awake.

                “What…?” Shiro mumbled, pushing himself upright as much as he could before rubbing his bleary eyes. He squinted at the screen with a furrowed brow. “Did I miss something.”

                “Maybe?” Matt dragged his finger across the touchpad so the episode title and number appeared at the top of the screen. “You were asleep when this episode started.”

                Shiro sighed and scrubbed his face. “Shit. I’m sorry. I woke up super early this morning to fix the plane, but It still ended up working on it all day, so I’m—”

                “It’s fine,” Matt interrupted. “You looked really tired, and this week was a shitstorm, so I didn’t want to wake you up. We can always rewatch what you missed.”

                “Thanks.” Shiro yawned and scrubbed his face again. “What the hell…”

                “I can go if you need to sleep,” Matt offered. He slipped his phone out of his pocket and checked his notifications, but there were no calls or texts from Sam. “I think my dad’s still working, so I can go hang out in the aviation building until he’s done.”

                Shiro frowned. “It’s almost midnight, Matt. You probably shouldn’t go out by yourself. The buildings might all be locked, too.”

                “Right.” Matt bobbed his head in agreement. “Forgot about that.” Matt had a key for the building with the IT Center in it, but he couldn’t get into the aviation building if it was locked. He could call his dad and ask to be let in from the inside, but didn’t want to bother him.

                “Uh, you can, uh, stay here…if you want?” Shiro offered, though his words came out like a question. “I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but if you don’t want to bother your dad or wait on him so you can go home, you can. Stay here. If you want.” Shiro would’ve smacked himself in the face, repeatedly, for how ridiculous he sounded if not for the fact that he could blame his nervous stumbling on sleepiness. He’d made his offer suddenly without much time to consider it, then tripped over his own feet trying to smooth it over.

                Matt blinked. “Oh, uh…” He glanced down at his phone again. It was hard to tell how long his dad would take, especially since it was a weekend and he didn’t need to wake up early to teach. Staying at Shiro’s dorm was obviously the most convenient option. Besides the fact that Matt would have a hard time falling asleep with the object of his affection in the same room. “If you don’t mind, I guess.”

                “Yeah,” Shiro mumbled. He slowly rose to his feet, then stumbled around the bed as he tugged the sheets and blankets back into place from the haphazard mess he’d left that morning. “You can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor.”

                “No, sleep in your bed,” Matt insisted. “You’re already letting me stay here for the night. I don’t want to get in your way even more.”

                “Please.” Shiro’s voice was still a little hoarse from his short snooze. He cleared his throat. “That joke about the military teaching you how to sleep anywhere isn’t a joke. I’ll be fine on the floor.”

                Matt considered resisting further, though as stubborn as he was, he knew Shiro wouldn’t back down. If they continued going back and forth, neither of them would get any sleep at all. “Fine, but at least take a few blankets.”

                A few minutes later, Shiro’s laptop was tucked away, Matt was curled up on the bed, and Shiro lay on a blanket on the floor with a second blanket spread over him. Neither spoke as they lay awake, not until sleep finally began to claim Matt.

                “Thanks, Shiro,” he mumbled.

                “Anytime.”

Chapter Text

                When Shiro woke up, he was confused. It took a moment for the events of the previous night to return to him and remind him why he had slept on the floor. The moments the memories came back, Shiro bolted upright so quickly that his head spun and looked over at the bed.

                Matt was still asleep. His hair was a mess of sandy strands on the pillow, and his lips were slightly parted. One of his hands was curled up in a loose fist in front of his chin.

                For a moment, Shiro stared. He couldn’t look away even if he wanted to, and he did not want to. Maybe it was a little strange for a person to watch their friend sleep, but if Matt was asleep, he wouldn’t notice Shiro watching him. Shiro could keep his gaze fixed on Matt without looking away every time Matt’s eyes found him. That freedom gave Shiro time to reflect on his life since he met Matt in the IT Center at the beginning of the fall semester and notice all of the ways one good friend had changed him. Shiro no longer hid inside when he wasn’t in class or at the gym. He went out to the movie theater, parks, the grocery store, and the bowling alley with no motive but to spend time with another person. Shiro’s phone was more alive, too. Before, he’d used it for contacting Keith, and maybe the McClains once in a while. Now, he spent more time texting Matt than talking to anyone else he knew. Shiro was closer to a normal life than he’d ever been since his discharge from the Air Force. While he’d worked hard to progress, and Keith had gone above and beyond in supporting him, Shiro believed most of the credit belonged to Matt. Their meeting was when things truly began to change.

                A loud snore ripped Shiro from his thoughts. He nearly choked when he realized the sound had come from Matt, who had rolled onto his back while Shiro was distracted. Matt didn’t stir again, still asleep, though that quickly changed when Shiro couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer. A loud wheeze broke the silence.

                “Wha’ the fuck?” Matt slurred as his eyes fluttered open and he propped himself up on his elbows. His gaze, scanned the room, confused, until it paused on Shiro, who was fighting back his laughter.

                “S-sorry,” Shiro said when he finally regained control of his voice. The grin on his face didn’t wane. “You just— I woke up and saw that you were still asleep, and I wanted to be quiet so I wouldn’t bother you, but then you suddenly snored so loud—”

                Matt’s brows furrowed. “I do not snore!”

                “Yes you do! You just did!”

                “Once! That doesn’t make me a snorer!”

                “Is that even a word?”

                Matt shook his head and sat up fully. He grimaced when he pushed off his blankets and noticed he’d gone to bed wearing his clothes from the day before. “How the fuck did I fall asleep while wearing jeans?”

                “With enough exhaustion and sleep deprivation, anyone could fall asleep wearing a banana suit.”

                “It’d be more comfortable than sleeping in jeans.”

                Shiro nodded and gestured to himself. He, too, had gone to bed without changing his clothes. He’d been too tired to so much as think about it, let alone think to offer Matt something more comfortable to wear to bed. Of course, any clothes belonging to Shiro would be too big for Matt, but Shiro would be lying if he called that a problem.

                The two went quiet for a moment. Matt picked cat hair off of one of his blankets while Shiro picked at his gloves. Sleeping with those on had been more uncomfortable than sleeping in jeans, though he wasn’t ready to take them off where anyone could see them, not even Matt.

                “So,” Shiro began slowly. “Do you need to get home soon, or do you have some time? There’s a Denny’s down the road if you want to grab breakfast.”

                Matt opened his mouth, then paused, and finally closed it. He dug around in his pockets and underneath his blankets until his fingers found his phone. “My dad didn’t say anything yet, so we should have time. I can call him to pick me up after Denny’s.”

                “Sounds good.”

                The two made quick work of tidying the room. Shiro pulled his blankets off the floor and remade his bed while Matt tracked down Eurus and poured kibble into her bowl. Shiro’s laptop, which had been left abandoned on low battery the night before, was plugged in on the nightstand to charge.

                Out of habit, Shiro’s fingers tugged at his gloves on his way to his dresser. He paused before the glove could slide more than a centimeter out of place and hurriedly pulled it back on tight all without breaking stride. He hoped Matt hadn’t noticed. “Do you want to borrow some clean clothes or something? You’ve been wearing the same thing since yesterday morning.”

                “Oh.” Matt glanced down at himself and brushed fruitlessly at the wrinkles in his shirt. He shrugged. “As long as I don’t smell like a teenage jock who just got out of gym class, I’m fine.”

                Shiro frowned, then turned to his closet. He slipped a hoodie off of one of the hangars, held it out to examine it, then tossed it at Matt.

                “Thanks?” Matt questioned.

                “It’s colder out today than it was yesterday.” Shiro didn’t elaborate any further as he gathered a change of clothes for himself. “I’ll be ready to go in a few minutes if you are.” He then disappeared out the bedroom door, his footsteps fading until the sound of the bathroom door closing reached Matt’ ears.

                Matt looked down at the hoodie in his hands. It was surprisingly…nice. The material had a soft texture, flint coloring, and minimal wear-and-tear. Part of him worried it might get ruined if he accidentally spilled something on it, though he figured Shiro wouldn’t have lent it to him if it were precious. Still, he’d try not to make a mess of it.

                Matt slid the hoodie on, he wasn’t surprised to find it was too big. The sleeves reached his fingertips. The material hung off his skinny frame, and his shoulders were too narrow to fill out the hoodie properly. While Matt had grown considerably taller and slightly broader in recent months, he was still nowhere near Shiro’s size.

                When Shiro returned, Matt held his arms out to his sides and glanced between them. “It’s a little big.”

                Shiro resisted the urge to snort. “You’re a toothpick. Of course it’s big on you.”

                “Say that to my corpse when I drown in all the hoodie I’m currently swimming in.”

                “But it’s warm, isn’t it?”

                Matt nodded. He stroked the material that covered his palms and hummed. “Where’d you get it?”

                “Found it at a thrift store while trying to find a new coat for Keith.” Shiro gestured to the hoodie. “Five bucks.”

                “Don’t tell my mom that. Most of Pidge and I’s clothes were thrifted when we were younger, and our mom still likes to buy things second hand since they’re cheaper. She’s pretty big on recycling and eco-friendly stuff, y’know, because the whole botany thing. If she finds out someone knows how to get good deals, she’ll hound you until you spill every last thrifting secret you have,” Matt warned.

                Shiro’s brow furrowed. “I mean, I don’t think I could help her. I just go to the nearest thrift store and look for whatever’s cheap and decent.”

                “You have intuition, good sir.”

                “Actually, I don’t pay tuition.”

                The following silence was almost painful.

                “Was that…a joke.” Matt’s question sounded more like a statement.

                “Uh, yeah? Since intuition has ‘tuition’ in it. And I have a scholarship. So I don’t pay tuition.”

                After a brief pause, Matt sighed. “Progress. You aren’t there quite yet, but it’s progress.”

                “Come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

                “If I get banned from Denny’s over a dumb pancake pun I will never forgive you.” Matt started toward the door. “Breakfast before bros, Shiro!” He couldn’t keep the humor out of his tone any longer.

                Shiro shook his head and followed with a smirk.

-000-

                Thankfully, Denny’s wasn’t packed when they arrived. Quite a few tables were full, and the idle chatter put Shiro on edge, but not enough to make him turn around and leave. Maybe Matt noticed him stiffen, or realized Shiro had gone quiet the moment they entered, as he suddenly started rambling about items brought into the IT Center once they were seated. The pair sat across from each other in a booth, so all Shiro had to do to drown out the others in the restaurant was stare straight ahead and focus on Matt’s words. Doing so helped him relax somewhat. It helped that Matt only paused when the waiter came by the table to take their order.

                “I shit you not, this guy brought in a phone that was broken in half and wanted it fixed. He told me—he fuckin’ put it in some fucking rice, and that didn’t fuckin’ fix it. Like, dude! That phone wasn’t just beyond repair. It was beyond recovering. Even if we offered retrieval service, there was nothing left to retrieve information from. It took twenty minutes to make this guy understand that I couldn’t fix him phone, then he stormed out and said he’d take it to Best Buy. As if they’re gonna say anything different! Then there was another person right after him who dropped their TV down the stairs. It wasn’t even a good one. It had to have been, like, at least seven years old. They wanted it fixed. And, yeah, I could do that. It’d take a week and a bunch of new parts, like a new screen, but I could do it. Except it would cost more than just buying a new TV. I told them that, and they didn’t freak out about the other guy, but then they just left? Like, they turned around and walked out. Without the TV. They just left it there. It isn’t a huge problem, except we can’t just get rid of it. Since we don’t have any documentation to prove that they don’t want it anymore, we can’t do anything with it. Otherwise they can say we stole an item they turned in for repairs.”

                “What’re you going to do with it?”

                “We have contact information for everyone who turns in broken tech for repairs, so if they don’t show after we’ve notified them that it’s done, we can try to contact them again. If people still don’t come for their stuff, we have a lost and found box in the back room. We put stuff in there two weeks after it’s fixed if no one comes back for it. We also have random tech found abandoned or lost across campus, which people usually turn into the nearest office if they don’t keep it for themselves, but always end up with us. The school likes to keep all tech stuff in the same place. Anyway, since the TV wasn’t officially checked in and was left by someone who didn’t come back for it, it’s considered a lost and found item. Stuff stays in the lost and found for two months, then we either scrap it for parts, donate it, or keep it. One of our monitors in the IT Center is actually from lost and found. Someone turned it in and never came back for it, so Rift swapped it with an old one that had such bad contrast that he could barely read the screen.”

                Matt quieted when their food arrived. His attention went directly to the stack of pancakes in front of him and the bottle of syrup nestled in with the other condiments on the table. He proceeded to grab the syrup and pour a generous layer over the top of his pancakes.

                “Wow, do you want some pancakes to go with your syrup?” Shiro asked with a grimace.

                “They’re in there somewhere.”

                “They’re drowning.”

                Matt cut a chunk out of his pancakes and stuffed it in his mouth. He licked a drop of syrup off his lip. “Fey fon’ ‘eed ‘o beev.”

                “You’re gross.” Shiro sighed.

                Matt swallowed loudly. “Shut up and eat your strawberries.”

                “Strawberries are good.”

                “Your plate is ninety percent fruit.”

                “So am I.”

                Matt choked on his next bite of pancake. He drank half of his water between coughing fits and winced at the tingle lingering in his throat before glaring at Shiro. “What did I say about bad pancake puns?!”

                “Actually, it was a fruit pun.”

                “You literally have pancakes on your plate, Shiro.”

                “But I was joking about the fruit, not the pancakes.”

                “…I hate you.”

                Shiro gestured to Matt’s plate. “You can plan my murder later. Your syrup’s getting cold.”

                Matt rolled his eyes and resumed eating while Shiro smugly speared a blueberry.

-000-

                After the pair finished their food, Matt texted his dad to get picked up. Shiro offered to drive, but Matt refused.

                “Shiro, my dude, my friend. You slept on your own floor last night. You aren’t going out of your way to drive me home, too.”

                “I don’t mind, though. Besides, your dad’s probably busy—”

                “He’s on his way,” Matt interrupted. “So, no. Go back to your dorm. Go drink a protein shake and bench-press cars, or whatever you do when you’re bored.”

                “I don’t bench cars.”

                “What about people?”

                Shiro crossed his arms and looked anywhere but at Matt. “Not since high school,” he mumbled.

                Matt gasped. “No fuckin’ way.”

                “I was sixteen.”

                “What, were you trying to impress Adam or something?”

                When Shiro didn’t respond, Matt got his answer and burst into laughter. “Oh my god that is cringe!”

                “Hey, it worked.”

                “Yep, mhm. Sure it did.”

                “It did! He said I looked cool!”

                “Yes, because your partner is always completely honest about everything and will never tell tiny white lies to make you feel better about yourself.”

                “Bitch.”

                “Jerk.”

                Shiro smirked. “Oh, who’s cringey now, Mr. I-Watched-Like-Three-Episodes-Of-Supernatural-But-Understand-The-References.”

                “Hey, you made the reference first!”

                “I was asleep last night. I only know about that because Keith’s friends have Supernatural friendship bracelets, and that’s what they say.”

                Their argument continued until Matt’s phone buzzed. Sam was waiting outside. The two paid their bill and walked out together.

                “I’ll text you later!” Matt promised as he threw himself into the passenger seat of his dad’s car.

                Shiro threw a wave over his shoulder before Sam pulled away from the sidewalk. He navigated the parking lot carefully when he nearly slipped on black ice halfway to his car, then turned on the heat as soon as he was in the vehicle. It was supposed to be warming up, but winter temperatures stubbornly remained. Shiro thought about Matt, their playful arguments in the restaurant, and the way energy bubbled up his throat and electrified his veins. Despite his worries about how his evolving feelings could harm his friendship with Matt, it seemed that winter wasn’t the only thing that refused to let go.

-000-

                Matt didn’t realize he still had Shiro’s hoodie until he took it off before his shower. He paused with the garment in hand and swore quietly to himself, looking for his phone. He’d left it in his room. Once he was done, he needed to let Shiro know he’d forgotten about it and promise to return it Monday.

                After scrubbing off the feeling of day-old clothes and washing away the built-up oils which threatened to turn his hair dark and greasy, Matt forced himself to leave the cozy warmth of the shower. He dressed in fresh clothes, dragged a comb through his tangled hair, and marched to his room with purpose. He only made it halfway before running into Pidge.

                “So, how was your date?” she asked.

                Matt blamed the shower for the heat that flooded his face. “I wasn’t on a date!”

                “You weren’t home.”

                “So? Doesn’t mean I was on a date.”

                Pidge nodded toward the living room where their parents were watching a movie together. “Dad made bacon and the smell didn’t raise you from oblivion and lure you out of your room, so I asked where you were. Mom and dad told me you were out with Shiro.”

                “Yeah. I was at Denny’s. With my friend.”

                “Boyfriend.”

                “He is not!”

                “You slept over at his dorm instead of coming home.”

                “I didn’t know when dad would be done working, and the buildings were locked. I couldn’t have gone inside the aviation building even if I walked all the way there.”

                “Mom could’ve picked you up.”

                “I wasn’t going to bother mom! She’s been so busy at work recently that I wouldn’t call her for something unless I was dying!”

                “So instead you slept on a cold-ass floor in the same clothes you’d been wearing all day so you could hang out with your boy-toy.”

                Matt rolled his eyes. “Shiro offered. Plus, he was super tired, and I knew he’d stay awake until I finally got home to make sure I wasn’t freezing to death in the grass somewhere. And—” he paused and met his sister’s gaze. “He slept on the floor. He wouldn’t let me do it. We didn’t really talk much, either, since he was so tired. He fell asleep two episodes into Supernatural.”

                “Ohhhh.” Pidge crossed her arms and smirked. “Someone got himself a gentleman.”

                “Shut up!” Matt hissed. He stormed past Pidge into his room and closed the door, but not before Pidge threw one last comment over her shoulder.

                “Invite me to the wedding!”

                Matt sighed loudly. After the short period of isolation that followed the revelation of Matt’s secret knowledge of Shiro’s past, the two had become closer than ever. It became more obvious that Matt didn’t only see a friend when he looked at Shiro, and Matt had come to notice that he wasn’t very good at hiding it. Pidge clearly saw it. His mom had given him a knowing look when he came home from Denny’s. Sam didn’t say anything, but his gaze flicked back and forth between Matt and Shiro when the two were together.

                Amongst all the certainty was that which Matt wasn’t sure about. What did Shiro see when he looked at Matt? Had Shiro realized that Matt liked him, not just as a friend? Was Matt the only one who thought he was hiding it? What if he admitted to everything? Honesty had always ended well, even if it took a few days for the resulting storm to settle, while withheld truths only hurt them more in the long run. It was hard to figure out which path to take. Matt didn’t need to know yet, though. Shiro had been honest about hiding parts of himself, parts he wasn’t ready to share. Those were secrets he acknowledged, but kept. For now, Matt would keep these feelings to himself. He wouldn’t try to bury or ignore them anymore, but he wouldn’t speak them, not yet. Maybe someday, but when?

Chapter Text

                Four days after Denny’s, Shiro dropped into his seat in the aviation classroom and slipped his phone out of his pocket. A few new messages from Matt waited to be opened.

Matt: I’m on the way I swear

Matt: I already forgot to drop it off Monday

Matt: My diff eq prof is super smart but she’s also EVIL

Matt: That quiz cam out of nowhere and fried by brain harder than kfc fries their chicken

Shiro: I mean, it’s called a ‘pop’ quiz for a reason

Matt: Actually that makes no sense

Matt: ‘Pop’ is frequently added to thinks as shorthand for ‘popular’

Matt: Like ‘pop culture’

Matt: But that quiz was universally hated by the entire class

Matt: Nowhere near popular

Shiro: How do you think you did?

Matt: At least 90% fs

Shiro: ?

Shiro: Why are you so upset over the quiz then?

Shiro: 90 is good

Matt: Failing a test and hating a test often go hand in hand, but they can also occur separately, young grasshopper

Shiro: True

                More students drifted into the room as the hands on the clock neared eight. Sam slipped through behind two students who seemed to be walking with their eyes closed as if they weren’t actually awake. He gave Shiro a wave when he caught his gaze, then approached him after dropping his things on the table in the front of the room.

                “Hey, Shiro!”

                Shiro gave Sam a small wave. “Good morning, sir.”

                “I—oh, shoot.” Sam’s face fell and he scrubbed his sagging expression with one hand. “I forgot Matt asked to return that jacket you lent him the other day. Sorry.”

                “Don’t worry about it.” Shiro wagged his phone at Sam. “Since he’s on campus but doesn’t have his math class today, Matt’s coming by to drop it off before he goes to help out at the IT Center. Something about a PC someone dropped off last night.”

                Sam glanced at the door, then the clock, and frowned. “Here? When?”

                “Before class.”

                “Really? I dropped him off at the IT Center before driving here, so he must be walking awful quick if he thinks he can make it here in the next few minutes before class st—”

                Sam stopped abruptly when stumbled through the classroom door, jacket in hand, and jogged across the room to the pair. Matt planted his hands on the edge of the table and doubled over, his back heaving as he slid the jacket to Shiro.

                “You okay?” Shiro asked. His brow furrowed as he watched Matt slowly straighten.

                “Yeah.” Matt pointed over his shoulder at the door with his thumb. “Ran,” he wheezed.

                Sam set a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “Sorry, I forgot to get the jacket from you before I dropped you off.”

                Matt waved a dismissive hand. “Nah, I forgot too. But I made it.” He glanced at the clock. It was three minutes to eight. “Before class, as promised.”

                “You didn’t have to run.” Shiro folded the jacket and slid it into his backpack. “I could’ve stopped by the IT Center after class, or we could’ve met up somewhere.”

                “Shiro, don’t give me excuses not to do something, or I’ll never get anything done.” An amused huff slipped through Matt’s lips as he finally caught his breath. “We already have one clothing thief in the house. One more, and my dad will be wearing trash bags to work.”

                Sam chuckled. “True. Your sister already took half of my ties. If you start ‘permanently borrowing’ them as well, I won’t have any left!”

                Matt snorted, though before he could speak again, a student called Sam away to ask a question about recent homework.

                Shiro watched Sam go, then turned his attention back to Matt. “Remind me to never lend your sister anything.”

                “No shit.” Matt nodded toward Shiro’s bag. I think if I held onto that jacket one more day, it would’ve disappeared. She likes the color.”

                “Did you tell her to check the thrift stores?”

                “Katie doesn’t like shopping.”

                “Fair. Neither do I.”

                Matt’s phone buzzed. He dug it out of his pocket and squinted at the screen. He grimaced. “Might be a good thing I dropped off your jacket when I did. Cypress just called in, so Rift needs me to fix a PC she was supposed to work on. That thing is huge. Really high-end, too.”

                “Damn. Will it take a while?”

                “Something like that takes a few days to fix; more if we need to order parts. I could probably fix it today if I really tried, though. As long as we have spares for whatever parts aren’t working.”

                “Well, don’t run too much on your way back, or you’ll be the one needing new parts. It’s harder to get your hands on a new lung after you cough one up than a new computer part,” Shiro warned.

                “Hey, I’m not that bad!”

                “When’s the last time you went out running? Or to the gym?”

                Matt crossed his arms and stood in silence for a moment before speaking. “Last week.”

                “And there’s the issue.”

                “Hey, having a stalker hell bent on beating me to death was pretty good motivation, and while I’m glad that’s all over, I admit that I haven’t been working out like I did then.”

                Shiro closed his eyes and sighed. “Why can’t you get motivation from your ego like a normal person?”

                “Says the guy who bench pressed people to show off.”

                “Oh my god—Go fix something you nerd.”

                Matt smirked and rolled his eyes. “Whatever you say, He-man.” He left before Shiro could think of a decent remark.

                Sam’s voice drew Shiro’s attention to the front of the room. “Good morning, everyone. It’ll just be me teaching again today, though Instructor Con contacted me last night and said he’d be back in time to teach class Friday. Because of his extended absence, flight exams will be pushed to next week. However, just because you have more time doesn’t mean you should procrastinate studying. All of you should be preparing…”

-000-

                Sam ended class half an hour early to offer help to any students who wanted to stay behind and ask for help regarding the upcoming exams. Shiro had no reason to stay, so he left with the majority of his classmates while a handful of students broke away from the throng of their peers in search of Sam.

                Shiro let his mind wander as he made his way downstairs. He was debating what he should do with the extra free time he had before his next class when someone said his name. He blinked and glanced to his side, where a vaguely familiar young woman walked in quick strides to keep up with him.

                “Shiro?” she said again with a polite smile.

                “Uh, hi?” Shiro winced at the confused tone of his own voice.

                “I’m Terra. I sit behind you in class?”

                “Oh. I’m not good with names. Sorry, Terra.” Shiro broke away from the other students so he wouldn’t be in anyone’s way when he slowed to a stop. “Did you need something?”

                Terra pointed back in the direction of the classroom. “You’re friends with that one guy, right? Um… Mike? Mr. Holt’s son?”

                “Matt?”

                “Yeah, him! He was talking to you this morning, so I thought you two must know each other.”

                “Uh, yeah. We’re friends.”

                “Cool. Do you, um, know if he’s, y’know…seeing anyone?”

                Shiro frowned. “Seeing anyone…?”

                Terra’s smile twitched, and she tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder with a little more force than necessary. “A girl. Is he seeing a girl?” she clarified.

                “Oh, uh.” Shiro paused. He hoped the panic that clenched his lungs wasn’t visible on his face. “No?” That was true. “Not that I know of.”

                A passing student’s bag bumped Terra’s arm, but she didn’t seem to notice. “Do you think you could give me his number, then?”

                Shiro looked away and rubbed the back of his neck. Part of him was praying that his phone would go off and give him an excuse to walk away then and there. “I, uh—I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

                When Terra’s smile faltered, Shiro backtracked nervously.

                “I, uh, just don’t think it’s right for me to give out someone else’s number to people he doesn’t know. But you could always ask him for it yourself if you see him around campus. Just so it’s on his own terms. Not his friend giving out his number to anyone who asks for it,” Shiro explained.

                Terra nodded slowly. A stiff smile lifted the corners of her lips. “I’ll keep an eye out for him, then. Thanks.” She was gone before Shiro could formulate the words to say goodbye, though he couldn’t say he was sad to see her go.

-000-

                “Who?” Matt asked Thursday afternoon when he and Shiro met up at the cafeteria to eat lunch together.

                “She said her name is Terra? She sits behind me in our flight class, I guess. You know her?” Shiro sidestepped to avoid oncoming foot traffic as he and Matt picked out their lunches.

                Matt shook his head and picked up a small bag of chips. “Maybe she visited the IT Center while I was working? I don’t know. I’d have to see her to recognize her.”

                The conversation paused while the pair paid for their food and circled the cafeteria in search of an open table. They didn’t resume until they were seated.

                Matt ripped open his chips and popped one in his mouth. “Maybe she needs something fixed. The school has the IT Center’s contact info listed online, but not everyone thinks to check there when they need help.”

                “I don’t know.” Shiro examined one of his chicken tenders. “She didn’t mention any broken devices or the IT Center. All she wanted was your personal number. Well, that, and to know if you have a girlfriend.”

                Matt choked on his chips. Shiro reached across the table to pat his back while he coughed up salt and vinegar flavoring. When the fit eased, Matt sat up with watery eyes and gave Shiro a confused look. “She asked what now?”

                Shiro’s gaze wandered. “She uh, asked if you were seeing anyone, which, I didn’t realize what she meant at first. I mean, my first thought was that she meant some kind of psychologist, or therapist. But she clarified. She wanted to know if you had a girlfriend.”

                “So, what did you tell her?”

                “No? I mean, you aren’t, right?”

                Matt gave Shiro a deadpan look. “I’m gay, Shiro.”

                “Hey,” Shiro raised his hands in surrender. “Maybe you have a secret superspy boyfriend you can’t tell anyone about or a government sniper will murder you and your family.”

                “Please stop watching Criminal Minds.”

                “I will not. It’s good and Reid is cute.”

                Matt snorted. “No shit. But no, I don’t have a secret superspy boyfriend I can’t tell anyone about. If I did, it would be Reid, because he’s cute. Except he’s fictional and the network is too homophobic to give his bisexual ass a boyfriend.”

                Shiro nodded silently in agreement while inhaling his fries.

                “So, did you tell her I’m gay.”

                Shiro shook his head and swallowed. “I, uh, wasn’t sure if you were cool with random people knowing.”

                “Oh, uh, thanks.” Matt nodded slowly. “I guess I don’t mind as long as they’re not asking because they’re a homophobe looking for a target.”

                “So if another woman asks me for your number I can just tell them you don’t swing their way?”

                “You say that as if you think it’ll be a recurring issue.”

                Shiro shrugged. “You’re cute.”

                It took Shiro a moment to realize what words he’d carelessly let slip, and once he did, he wished he could inhale them back into his mouth. Hopefully the heat in his face wasn’t as outwardly obvious as it felt beneath his skin. He needed something, anything, to explain the comment away. “I mean, you’re a lot like Reid.”

                Matt blinked, then his brow slowly furrowed.

                “You’re both super smart, nerdy, have long and light-colored hair…y’know.” It took everything Shiro had to suppress the nervous stutter that tried to consume his voice.

                Matt hummed. “I guess. Except he hates tech. I would rather walk in front of a tour bus than go without my tech. So, I’m more like Reid with a little Garcia sprinkled on top.” He pointed a chip at Shiro. “You’re like Hotch. In the dedicated way and in the tired dad way.”

                Shiro didn’t trust his voice to reply, so he stuffed a few fries in his mouth and nodded instead.

                The two didn’t talk much more as they finished their food, and the near-silence continued on their way out. However, before they were able to escape into the open air where there were a thousand things to look at that weren’t each other, they were stopped by the sound of someone calling their names.

                “Matt! Shiro!”

                They turned just in time to see Terra approaching. Shiro stiffened in discomfort while Matt winced.

                “That her?” Matt whispered, earning a nod of confirmation from Shiro. “I’ve never seen her in my entire life.”

                Terra made a point of stopping in front of Matt. He had her full attention, and Shiro wondered if she had already forgotten he was also there. Maybe she noticed, but didn’t care. He wasn’t her target, after all.

                With a too-friendly smile on her face, Terra introduced herself. “I’m Terra. Terra Barnes. I’m in your dad’s class.”

                Matt gave Terra a polite half-smile. “Nice to meet you, Terra. Did you need to contact my dad for something related to class? I could call him, or—”

                “No!” Terra interrupted. “No, I don’t need to talk to him. I was looking for you actually.”

                “Oh. Are you having issues with any of your devices? I’m not working right now, but you can turn in whatever isn’t working to the IT Center and someone should be able to get it fixed sometime in the next few days.”

                Terra clasped her hands behind her back and looked down for a moment, leaving the trio in a temporary, tense silence until she finally spoke again. “Uh, nothing’s broken. Not right now, at least. I’ve just heard a lot about you from your dad, and I’ve seen you stop by the classroom a few times to talk to Shiro and Mr. Holt. I was just wondering if you, y’know, wanted to, um, hang out sometime? Maybe go watch a movie?”

                Matt suppressed a wince. “So, like, to just hang out or as, like…a date?”

                Terra nodded slowly, her cheeks pink. “Yeah. A date.”

                There was a moment of silence in which Matt sent Shiro a desperate glance before he finally sighed and returned his attention to Terra.

                “That’s a, uh, nice offer, but um…” He pushed a loose lock of hair behind his ear. “You seem really nice, I just, uh… I’m gay, actually.”

                Terra’s face fell, and the pink in her cheeks flushed a deep red. “Oh… Oh my god, I-I didn’t know. I just—”

                Matt waved a dismissive hand. “It’s okay. Uh, sorry.”

                “It’s okay!” Terra assured, though her smile was tense and her movements stiff as she slowly started to sidestep around them. “Sorry for bothering you guys. Uh, have a nice day?”

                Terra didn’t give the two enough time to respond before she hurried to the exit.

                Matt and Shiro watched her go, then exchanged uncomfortable looks.

                “Honestly, I thought she might actually have just wanted to ask me something about your class or the IT Center.” Matt scrunched up his face. “I hoped. That was incredibly awkward.”

                “Even I felt weird and I wasn’t part of the conversation.”

                “I’m so glad this isn’t a common occurrence.”

                Shiro nodded in agreement as he thought back to his past self. In high school, he’d been approached by quite a few people. After all, he’d gotten good grades, was athletic, and was friends with students who had dominated the social hierarchy of the high school. Adam was the only one Shiro ever had interest in, so he’d always turned down anyone else who approached him. It had never been easy, or anything better than awkward, and clearly that hadn’t changed in the years since his graduation. “Do you want to leave and go do literally anything besides continue this conversation?”

                Matt was walking before Shiro finished speaking. “Please.”

-000-

                After the disaster that was Matt’s rejection of Terra, Shiro thought Terra would steer clear of him for the rest of her mortal existence. That seemed to be the case during class on Friday. Terra didn’t look at Shiro a single time, and he never sought her out, either. It was as if they were complete strangers again and their conversation had never happened.

                Shiro was comfortable with the mutual avoidance until Monday, when an unfortunately familiar voice spoke up behind him just before the beginning of class.

                “You know, you could’ve just told me he was your boyfriend from the start.”

                Shiro blinked, then slowly turned in his seat until he was looking at Terra’s displeased expression. “Sorry?”

                Terra closed her eyes and sighed. “I mean, you could have saved everyone the awkwardness if you just told me I didn’t have a chance when I stopped you in the hallway last week.”

                “I, uh, didn’t think it was my place to disclose Matt’s sexuality to people he doesn’t even know.”

                “Okay, but you could’ve at least been honest and told me he was taken.”

                Shiro frowned. “Matt? He isn’t though. He’s single.”

                Terra raised her eyebrows. “Seriously? He’s not your boyfriend?” When Shiro nodded, she leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms with an astounded expression. “Wow. Well, you guys had me fooled.”

                Though Shiro wanted to ask what made Terra believe he and Matt were together, he didn’t get the chance to do so before Con walked into the room and called everyone’s attention to the front. Con quickly went over the expectation for the flight exams that were beginning that day, took last minute questions, then dismissed the class to the hangar. On the way, Shiro tried to speak with Terra again. However, she immediately fell in step with a friend and struck up conversation, showing Shiro just how unwelcome any further interactions between them were.

                Shiro let himself forget about Terra and the awkward events of last Thursday once the class reached the hangar. He focused on the planes and the specific aspects of flight that the exam would be covering, as well as how the slight winds might make take off and landing a little extra wobbly that day. He made a plan while he waited, executed it flawlessly in the air, and passed with flying colors.

                “Well done, Shiro. As always,” Con said when they landed.

                “Thank you, sir.”

                Con nodded, then gestured for Shiro to exit the plane. “You’re dismissed for the day. No homework. Take a day to relax before class on Wednesday.”

                Shiro waited in the hangar just long enough to watch the next student enter the plan and taxi out toward the runway. He would’ve been content to stay and watch, but he was also exhausted. He hadn’t gotten the chance to catch up on sleep in the past few weeks. The ever-present dark circles under his eyes grew darker every day, and it was getting harder and harder to wake up in the morning. His other classes were canceled for the day due to a staff meeting and a flat tire. He had the entire afternoon, evening, and night for himself. Usually he would’ve texted Matt to see if he was free, but Matt was likely still in class, then had to work in the afternoon. Instead of bothering him, Shiro returned to his dorm.

                Eurus seemed to know what Shiro was planning the moment he stepped through the door. She trotted ahead of him straight to the bedroom, where she jumped up on his bed and sat down expectantly on his pillow.

                “I’ll be right there,” Shiro promised when he stopped in front of his dresser for a more comfortable change of clothes to sleep in. It wasn’t long before he was laying down with the blinds closed and Eurus curled up on the blanket at his feet. Sleep rose to claim him quickly.

                Just as he was about to drift off, something Terra had said earlier that day came back to him.

                Well, you guys had me fooled.

                You guys had me fooled.

                You guys.

                Shiro’s eyes flew open. He hadn’t been sure exactly why he and Matt had been mistaken as a couple, though he already knew that his ability to hide what he felt was decreasing as his awareness increased. He wouldn’t be surprised if Terra had noticed something the few times she’d seen Matt and Shiro together. Maybe she’d seen a certain light in Shiro’s eyes. Maybe she’d noticed how quickly Shiro returned Matt’s texts, or assumed that Shiro and Sam were so casual around each other because Shiro was dating his son, not just because they were friends. Obviously she hadn’t realized any of that before she asked out Matt, as Shiro doubted she’d try to ask out a guy who was already in a relationship. Her encounter with Matt could’ve been the missing piece, though. Maybe that was when she connected the dots. Maybe that was when all the misunderstandings and slivers of Matt and Shiro she’d witnessed had fallen into place to bring her to that specific conclusion. Except, something still didn’t add up.

                You guys.

                Not “you”. You guys. Plural. As in more than one. As in not just Shiro. It was probably nothing. Terra could’ve gotten the wrong idea from her own assumptions and Shiro’s thinly veiled heart eyes. She may have included Matt when she spoke because she saw them as one unit. It didn’t necessarily mean she had noticed something in Matt, too. Surely she didn’t. Surely Shiro was overthinking. Except he didn’t know. He didn’t know for sure what Terra had noticed. He didn’t know what could be happening that he couldn’t see.

                Shiro knew better than to be hopeful. He knew it would hurt more than help to make assumptions based on his personal interpretation of two words. Still, though, he wasn’t sure and that was the difficult part. He didn’t know what to think, Terra wouldn’t speak to him, and Shiro would rather dig out his own kidneys with a rusty spoon than ask Matt.

                Slowly, Shiro’s racing heart settled. His eyelids grew heavy again, and darkness began to swallow him again. All the thinking, wondering, and overanalyzing had sapped what little energy he had left, so when sleep rose to claim him, he let it. At least in his dreams he could either get a glimpse of a reality he wanted to live, or he could wake and escape if he didn’t like what he saw. The issue at hand was one he could address when he wasn’t so tired.

Chapter Text

                Shiro dreamed he was back home. He was sat on a wooden bench in a park, one he’d gone to often in his teen years during what little free time he managed to scrounge up from his packed schedule. The park in his dreams was drawn from his memories, caught in an eternal state of near-twilight with the highest part of the sun hardly peeking over the horizon. There was no one there but Shiro, the creaky swings that swayed in the breeze, and the rustling trees.

                Closing his eyes, Shiro let the warmth of the scene wash over him. It enveloped him in a familiar hug of earth and fresh air that eased the tightness in his muscles and soothed the raging anxiety in his mind. He missed this park. He missed the early mornings, sunrises and sunsets, evenings, and late nights he’d stolen back when he’d been a semi-normal boy who needed to escape the stresses of his life. He missed being able to visit and relax. The park had been torn down and rebuilt while he was in the Air Force, and when he sought its comfort a few days after his discharge, he’d been shocked to find the place unrecognizable. Not just that; it was packed. Children giggled and screeched as they climbed shiny new ladders and slid down brightly-colored plastic slides. Parents lined the sidewalks and crowded on benches stationed like warden’s towers around the playground, standing guard over their childrens’ new sanctuary. That day, Shiro turned around and left without so much as putting the car in park. He had no intention of entering such a busy place with a healing scar across his nose, close-cropped white and gray hair, and his mangled arm still in a sling. Distrusting parents would call the police before he could find a place to sit down.

                It was nice to have memories left, if nothing else, so he could return to that place when he needed it most. The scene grew more difficult to consciously conjure as years passed and his memories blurred, though it always felt real in his dreams. The dream version of the park was as serene as the original, and this one was all for him. Isolation in his sanctuary was just what he needed.

                A low creak from his bench made Shiro crack his eyes open. Through the narrow slits he made out a blurry figure seated next to him. Whoever it was, they had chosen to sit rather close. Shiro opened his eyes a fraction wider to investigate, taking in dark skin, dark hair, square glasses, and a sharp side profile. This person looked familiar, though Shiro couldn’t place them. Not until they spoke.

                “It’s been a while, hasn’t it, Takashi?”

                Shiro froze. The person turned to face him, and in that moment, he knew. His voice was hardly a whisper when he spoke.

                “…Adam?”

                Adam’s lips tugged upward into a small smile. “What, were you expecting Santa Claus?”

                Adam didn’t look exactly how Shiro remembered. He was taller, broader, and his face sharper. His hair was shorter and neater, and he wore a casual suit instead of his usual jeans and t-shirt. His voice was deeper, too.

                “Like the new look?” Adam asked. He slid off his glasses and squinted at the lenses in search of smudges. “You can thank your own head for that. I don’t blame you for matching our ages, though. It would weird me out, too, if you’d died some seven years ago and showed up in my dreams as a kid.” He put his glasses back on and prodded his styled hair. “Finally, someone managed to make my hair look decent.”

                Even if Shiro could have settled on something to say, his mouth was too dry to speak. He’d seen Adam in his sleep before, but only ever in nightmares. He’d bolted awake countless nights with his brain’s countless constructions of Adam’s mangled body burned into his eyelids. His mind had tortured Shiro with every broken bone, severed limb, bruise, and mess of blood Adam could have become in his accident. It had taken months for him to speak of Adam, and years to hear his name without feeling it in his gut like a sucker punch. Seeing Adam, though, as the man he would have become if he hadn’t been on the road that day… Shiro felt so much at once that he nearly went numb.

                Adam snapped his fingers in front of Shiro’s dazed expression. “Takashi. Hey. Yeah, it’s really me. Yeah, I’m a ghost. In your brain. Now, spit it out. You wouldn’t have dreamt this if you didn’t have something to say.”

                Shiro blinked. “Uh—” he wheezed before falling silent again.

                With a sigh, Adam crossed his arms and turned in his seat so his whole body was facing in Shiro’s direction. “You don’t need to apologize for anything. I’m not mad, Takashi.”

                Shiro’s lips parted and pressed together like those of a gaping fish as he struggled to find his words. “…W-what?”

                “Our fight. Choosing the Air Force over me. Breaking up,” Adam supplied. “I mean, I was pissed for a while, but I got over it. Yeah, joining the military was stupid and dangerous, as you now know, but considering I’m the ghost here, this isn’t much of an ‘I told you so’.”

                “You’re…not mad?” Shiro’s eyes were wide, and his empty expression told Adam only a fraction of his words were actually making it through Shiro’s brain.

                Adam sighed. “No. I’m not. I wasn’t mad when I died, either.”

                “You…weren’t?”

                “No! Of course I wasn’t! I was pissed that you were being so stubborn about enlisting because I didn’t want to be that poor young man waiting for his soldier to come home, or to open the door one day to find two people standing outside with a flag.” Adam paused and ran a hand through his hair, ruining the careful styling. “But I knew why you had to do it, too. I had parents, and I was an only child. I had people looking after me, and I wasn’t responsible for anyone else. I didn’t want you to enlist because I love you, I didn’t want to lose you, and I wasn’t thinking beyond myself. It took some time to realize, but I know you weren’t going to enlist because you wanted to, or because you thought you were the next Captain America and could escape all harm. You made your choice because you had a little brother who needed a place to sleep and food to eat, and he was guaranteed to have both if you enlisted. You could have gotten a regular, safer job, but the pay wasn’t as good and there would always be a chance you wouldn’t make enough to cover the bills,” Adam explained. “I made my choice because I love you. You made yours because you love your little brother too much to put your own safety and happiness first, even if that meant letting me walk away.”

                Shiro was silent for a moment. He stared out at the park, then nodded slowly. “I knew there was always a chance I might not make it home, but even then, Keith could’ve lived off the life insurance payout until he graduated, and the McClains agreed to become his legal guardians if I didn’t make it so he wouldn’t get thrown into the foster system.” He glanced down at his hands, where he had begun to pick at his gloves. “I couldn’t think of anything else. It was the only way I could be sure Keith would be okay.”

                “I know,” Adam said quietly. “I’ve never liked it, but I know.”

                Silence settled over the pair as they gazed around the park. It was fuzzy in spots where Shiro’s memories had eroded too much, his brain struggling to fill in the blanks. Only Adam was crystal clear. It seemed Shiro’s subconscious mind was putting all its energy into maintaining him.

                Shiro broke the silence with a strangled, amused huff. “Who would’ve thought I’d get desperate enough to create a dream version of my ex who tells me exactly what I want to hear so I can stop sulking over him for once.”

                “Takashi.” Adam pinched the bridge of his nose. Could dream ghosts get headaches? “You knew me better than anyone, so you should know I’m not just saying this because it’s what you want to hear.”

                “Yeah, I know…” Shiro sighed. “You always said what you really thought even if you knew I’d get upset. I liked that about you.”

                “And I’ll keep saying exactly what I think, even as a dream ghost in your head.”

                Shiro’s eyebrows drew together. He was staring at the ground now. “I shouldn’t have let you walk away back then. If I hadn’t, maybe you wouldn’t have been driving that day. You might still be alive. We could’ve had this conversation years ago, then I could’ve done what I had to do and you would’ve been there for Keith. We could’ve had the future we dreamed of. I’m glad you understand, but I still wish I’d done something different.”

                “Like what?” Adam asked. “You aren’t the reason I was on the road that day. Maybe if you’d done one thing differently, it might’ve had enough of an effect that I would’ve gone through that intersection a second earlier or later, or been somewhere else, and I might still be alive, but the odds of that are ridiculous. Besides, if you hadn’t let me walk away and we’d stayed together, what if you were in the car with me? What if we both died, and Keith ended up alone? What if he was with us, and all three of us died in the accident? What if I’d survived that day only to die in a different accident the next?” Adam threw his hands up. “There are an infinite number of alternative ways that day could have gone. There’s no point in sitting around and wondering how many of them would have ended well, or what tiny changes in our actions could’ve gotten me home safe. I’m dead, Takashi. We can’t change that. But you can make sure you don’t end up in a dream like this with someone else because you gave up and regret what happened with them, too.”

                “Like who?”

                Adam crossed his arms once again and raised his eyebrows, staring holes into Shiro’s side profile. “Like Matthew Holt.”

                Shiro whipped his head around to face Adam, his eyes wide. “How do you—”

                “I’m literally in your head, Takashi. Right now. I know everything, including the fact that you’re a hopeless romantic currently pining for the cute tech guy who fixes phones and gets excited over movies.”

                “I don’t—” Shiro began, though Adam interrupted before he could say another word.

                “Takashi, don’t even start with that no I don’t bullshit. You like him. You love him. You know it. I know it. Terra and Keith know it. Hell, unless Matt’s as unbelievably dense as you, he probably knows it. Also, Sam picked up on it, too, by the way.”

                Shiro stared. “Wait, his dad—?!”

                Adam blinked. “I’ve been dead over seven years and in that time you haven’t grown a single functioning brain cell, have you?”

                “Wait—” Shiro shook his head vigorously as if doing so would clear up the mess of thoughts within. “What does this have to do with you? And us breaking up?”

                “You aren’t having this dream just because of us.”

                “The why…?”

                “For the love of— You’re having this dream because you don’t know what to do about your crush on Matt, and I’m here because I’m the only person you can talk to about this who actually has relationship experience.” Adam exhaled loudly. “Now please tell me you understand, because I don’t think it’s humanly possible to simplify that explanation any further.”

                Slowly, Shiro nodded.

                “Good. So, why won’t you tell Matt you like him?”

                “I don’t know if he feels the same way, and I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”

                “If I told you that you’re an idiot and he’s just as head-over-heels as you are, would you ask him out?”

                Shiro didn’t answer right away. First he glanced at the ground, then started picking at his gloves again. “I don’t know. I mean, maybe I’d have a chance, but he could still turn me down. Or he could accept, but then everything could go wrong, and we’d break up, and stop talking, and—”

                “Stop,” Adam interrupted. “I know you haven’t been in a relationship in a while and you’re anxious, but worrying over the worst possible outcomes won’t help anyone. Stop thinking and do what you feel you need to do. Whether that means ignoring your attraction or acting on it, is up to you. Just do something, Takashi.”

                “But I don’t know what I need to do. Should I forget about it and keep Matt as my friend instead of risking losing him over some stupid crush, or should I saw screw it and ask him out because I’m into him? What am I supposed to do? What will make me stop losing my mind over this like a teenage girl in a cheap romance movie?”

                “That’s not my call.” Adam poked Shiro’s chest with a purposeful finger. “You said you regret letting me walk away back then.”

                Shiro nodded.

                “You regret not trying to stop me.”

                Another nod.

                “You didn’t do something you felt you should do because you were afraid it would make everything worse, and now you regret it.”

                “Yeah?”

                “And now you’re avoiding something because you’re afraid it could go wrong. What if you’re about to miss out on something great because you’re too scared to try?”

                A few beats passed in silence as Shiro contemplated. Adam’s gaze weighed heavily on his slumped shoulders. Should he take the leap? Should he act on what his heart wanted, considering the last time he neglected to listen, he lost what little time he had left with one of the most important people in his life? Should he play it safe, or throw his inhibitions out the window and hope for the best?

                Shiro’s thoughts were interrupted when the park was suddenly plunged into darkness. Night claimed the pair in an instant, and the only light came from a dim street lamp that appeared behind them.

                “You’re waking up,” Adam warned. “It’s time for me to go, but you still have a decision to make.” He began to rise from the bench, but stopped when Shiro grabbed his arm.

                “Wait!” Shiro’s breathing quickened. “You just got here. I-I still have questions, and— You can’t go yet!”

                Adam covered Shiro’s hand with his own. It wasn’t warm or cold. If not for the weight of it, Shiro’s wouldn’t have known it was there. It didn’t feel real. “You’ve been holding on for too long, Takashi. I’ve been dead for years. It’s time for you to move on and let me go.”

                Shiro shook his head. His voice was quiet and hoarse when he spoke. “I am moving on, but that doesn’t mean you have to leave.” He rose from the bench with Adam so they were both standing. “I still love you, and I miss you, and that won’t change no matter what.”

                “I still love you, too, Takashi. I always have. Even after we broke up, I loved you until the moment I died, and after. But I have to go, and so do you.”

                Shiro didn’t know he was crying until he felt the heat of his own tears on his cheeks. He wasn’t sure when the last time was that he’d cried over Adam. He thought he’d moved on, though clearly, part of him had remained in the past.

                Adam pulled Shiro’s hand off his arm and wrapped it in his own. “You have some good people out there. Matt is the friend you deserve. Keith is all grown up, but he still looks up to you. Lance, too. Sam is proud of you. You’re the best pilot Con has seen in his entire career. You have a life waiting for you, and it’s time that you live it.”

                “You deserved a life, too.”

                “And you deserved better than you’ve received. But we don’t always get what we deserve, do we?”

                When Adam released Shiro’s hand, Shiro didn’t reach for him again. He let his hand hover where Adam had left it, staring ahead as Adam began to walk away.

                At the edge of the street lamp’s light, Adam paused and turned just enough to meet Shiro’s eyes. “It’s worth it to make some mistakes. You miss all of the shots that you don’t take.”

                Before Shiro could think of anything else to stay, Adam stepped into the darkness. Then he was gone. Shiro only had a moment to stare at the space where Adam had been before the ground slipped out from underneath him. Suddenly, he was sitting upright in bed. His blankets were a haphazard mess across his body, his hair hung in his eyes, his chest heaved, sweat soaked his collar, and Eurus gazed at him with concern from where she stood in the doorway.

                Slowly, Shiro breathed in, then out to calm his racing heart. A glance at the window told him it was nighttime, and when he found his phone knocked on the floor, the blinding screen told him it was three in the morning. A few new texts from Matt waited to be opened.

Matt: They said on the news that the weather wont be cold as fuck much longer

Matt: Should start warming up this weekend

Matt: If you want to go do anything my sister is having friends over on Saturday and im desperate to get out of the house so they cant terrorize me with whatever murder machine they build together

Matt: Also ive heard that girls summon demons at sleepovers???

Matt: idk if imma make it out of this alive shiro

Matt: Sos

                For a moment, Shiro’s thumbs hovered over his keyboard. Then, he was typing.

Shiro: I don’t have any ideas but we could find something

Shiro: Let me know if you think of anything

Shiro: If you’re afraid of the summoning ritual you could always stay over here again. We still have over 14 and a half seasons to watch

                Shiro didn’t feel ready yet, but Adam’s words echoed in his head as he laid back down and closed his eyes.

                It’s worth it to make some mistakes. You miss all of the shots that you don’t take.

Chapter Text

                “Packing your bags already? Someone’s excited.”

                Matt glanced over his shoulder to find his sister leaning against the doorframe in his room. He knew he shouldn’t have left the door open. “Yeah. I want to get out of here before you and your friends sacrifice me to Beelzebub.”

                Pidge crossed her arms and smirked. “Of course. It definitely has nothing to do with the fact that you’re about to sleep over at your boyfriend’s dorm, or anything.”

                “He’s not my boyfriend, Katie.”

                “Don’t you Katie me because you’re pissed off that I’m right,” Pidge countered.

                Matt rolled his eyes and zipped up his backpack after cramming in a jacket alongside a change of clothes and his laptop. “Just because I like him doesn’t make Shiro my boyfriend,” he reminded as he stood and slung his bag over his shoulder.

                “True, but all you have to do to make him your boyfriend, is ask him out.”

                “I’m not asking out my best friend.”

                “What, so you’re just gonna keep staring at him with heart eyes until you die?”

                “I’m gonna shut up because I’d rather have him in my life than chase him away or ruin what we already have because I wanted to make something else out of it.”

                Pidge sighed and dropped her arms. “Matt,” she said quietly, the teasing edge gone from her voice. “Yeah, I like to make fun of you sometimes. You’re my brother. That’s what siblings do. But I don’t want you to get hurt, especially because of something I said or did.”

                “I know.” Matt had too many memories of days Pidge would come home with skinned knees, bruised knuckles, or smears of dirt on her face because she’d been fed up with the bullies who targeted him. By some miracle, Pidge had never gotten caught. Matt thought the bullies likely didn’t want to admit that their favorite target’s kid sister had given them their black eyes and bruised sides. “What does that have to do with Shiro?”

                “It means I’m telling you to ask out Shiro because I think it’ll work out,” she clarified. “Look, Shiro is a good guy. I’ve seen him a few times, and he was always good to me. He isn’t that guy who picks on his friend’s little sister, or is only nice and polite when someone’s watching. Even dad loves having Shiro around, and we both know how well dad reads people. If Shiro wasn’t a good person, dad wouldn’t let him step foot in the house, let alone let you stay at his place overnight twice.”

                Matt nodded. “Of course Shiro’s a good person. Anyone who has taken a minute out of their day to talk to him once knows that. That doesn’t mean a relationship with him is guaranteed to last, though.”

                “Nothing’s guaranteed, Matt. There’s always a chance something could go wrong. But Shiro respects you; he always has, and I think he’s been into you way longer than either of you realize. People like him aren’t easy to find, and I think if you like him, you should tell—”

                Pidge was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.

                “Katie! One of your friends is here!” Sam yelled from the other room.

                “I’ll be there in a second!” Pidge called back, before returning her attention to Matt. “If being afraid of what could go wrong in the future is the only think holding you back, you should just do it. Stop worrying, or you’re gonna spend the rest of your life regretting all the things you passed up because you were too afraid of facing problems that don’t exist.”

                Pidge was gone before Matt could think of a reply, leaving him alone in the middle of his room, drowning in a riptide of his own uncertainty.

-000-

                “I’m never looking in a mirror again,” Matt whined with his hands over his eyes as the credits rolled on another episode of Supernatural. He and Shiro had taken their places on the floor, leaning against Shiro’s bed with Matt’s laptop in front of them and Eurus stretched out across their laps.

                Shiro winced. “I think I’m with you on that one. I used to be terrified of Bloody Mary when I was younger, to the point that I’d cover my eyes every time I passed the mirror in the bathroom. This—” he gestured at the screen “—Bam, childhood trauma is back.”

                “Just start the next episode before I start psyching myself out over Slenderman.”

                “Matthew, why the fuck you bring up Slenderman right now?” Shiro hissed. Bloody Mary had scared him as a child, but at least he felt like he was safe from her if he didn’t look in the mirror. “He can literally teleport. Anywhere. Anytime. You’re never safe from him.”

                “I mean, you could probably buy yourself a few seconds by screaming at him to suck your dick, or something.”

                “Yeah, two extra seconds to try to escape a teleporting supernatural entity before it tries to kill you again, this time while also very pissed off at you especially.”

                “Or, Slendy might take you up on the offe—”

                “I swear on Dean Winchester’s car I will throw you outside and lock the door if you finish that sentence,” Shiro warned, rubbing his aching temples.

                Matt threw up his hands in surrender. “Hey, the monster fuckers might be onto something, just saying.”

                Shiro stood. “Take that back or I won’t share the popcorn.” He walked to the kitchen without waiting for a response, though the corners of his lips turned up when he heard protests behind him.

-000-

                The pair continued their binge watch well into the night. Shiro had returned from the kitchen with a massive bowl of microwave popcorn which he’d set on the floor in front of his and Matt’s knees, close enough that both could reach. They mindlessly munched on their salty snack while staring unblinking at Matt’s laptop. The few times they both reached for popcorn at the same time and their knuckles brushed, both pretended not to notice.

                At some point, Matt began to lose time. He started missing parts of the show, just seconds at a time. Then, he’d miss entire scenes. He didn’t realize he was falling asleep and he awoke to an episode he didn’t recognize…and his head on Shiro’s shoulder. His immediate reaction was to move away, though he stopped himself before he could do anything but tense up. Considering the episode currently playing was different than the one he’d been watching before he last drifted off, he must have been asleep for more than a few minutes. Most likely, he’d been in his current position since then. He’d been asleep with his head on Shiro’s shoulder, slumped against Shiro’s side, and Shiro didn’t move.

                Slowly, Matt released the tension from his body. With each breath, he relaxed until he was comfortably pressed against Shiro’s side. He didn’t care when a lock of hair fell in his face and blocked his view of the show. He had other, more pressing things on his mind.

                Matt could feel his pounding pulse in his fingertips, and wondered if Shiro could feel it too. Did Shiro know he was awake? He hadn’t said anything, or tried to get Matt’s attention. In fact, Matt began to think Shiro might have dozed off as well until Shiro quietly moved the now empty bowl of popcorn off to his unoccupied right side. So Shiro was awake. He was awake, and there was no way he didn’t notice that Matt was using his shoulder as his own personal pillow, but didn’t seem to care. Matt fought to keep a smile off his face so he wouldn’t blow his cover. As soon as Shiro realized he was awake, surely he'd move away in favor of personal space.

                As much as Matt wanted to savor every second of being so close to and comfortable with someone his stubborn heart had set itself on, it was late, and he was a college student. He was tired, and he’d already been drifting in and out of sleep for a while. It was only a matter of time before he drifted off again. Surely enough, the episode he’d woken to had not yet ended when his weariness caught up to him and pulled him back into the gentle hold of sleep.

-000-

                Shiro woke up first. Something soft was tickling the side of his face, and when he opened his eyes to investigate, he froze. Memories from the previous night came back to him in a flood of burning cheeks and measured breaths. They’d been watching Supernatural. At first, they made comments throughout the episodes, though as the sun set and the show continued, the conversation slowed to silence. The two had continued to watch the show for a few more hours until Matt started falling asleep. Shiro had seen his head wavering but said nothing. He’d stiffened when he felt something on his shoulder, then stared with wide eyes when he’d glanced down and found Matt asleep, his head propped on Shiro’s shoulder.

                Matt was still asleep. His head was still on Shiro’s shoulder. And Shiro’s head rested on Matt’s.

                He’d thought about it. After over an hour had passed since Matt fell asleep, Shiro had considered setting his head on Matt’s and feigning sleep until darkness claimed him. He’d wanted to. He’d wanted to lay his head down, relax, and savor their proximity until he couldn’t stay awake any longer. But he hadn’t. In the end, his longing had failed to overcome his anxiety. What if Matt had woken up? How would he explain himself? What was he supposed to say?

                In the end, it seemed Shiro didn’t need to pretend or come up with excuses. He’d fallen asleep, and his body had obeyed his heart’s command without a conscious demand.

                Shiro’s heart thundered in his chest, and his cheeks felt warm. Could Matt feel his pulse where their rib cages touched? Could he feel the heat of Shiro’s face on his hair?

                As draining as it was to stay absolutely still and keep his breathing steady, Shiro was determined. He didn’t want to move. He wanted to stay where he was forever. For the first time in too many years, he was so close to another person who wasn’t Keith or the McClains—someone who wasn’t family—and he was comfortable. He was happy. His skin didn’t crawl and he didn’t want to pull away. If the world was burning, all he’d want was a few more minutes to stay as he was. This was progress. It was healing. It was everything Shiro could have asked for and more. If Matt was on his right side, he might not be so content, but that didn’t dampen Shiro’s joy. For now, what he had was enough.

                When Matt stirred, Shiro’s heart leapt to his throat. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. Would Matt believe he was still asleep? Would he buy the lie, or see through it? Would he care? Would he move away? Would he stay as he was anyway? The questions raced through Shiro’s mind.

                Matt shifted, and Shiro reluctantly took it as his cue. He lifted his head, sat upright, and blinked as if a tired haze obscured his vision. The wince that crossed his face when his back twinged wasn’t part of the act, but added a convincing touch nonetheless.

                “Who the fuck turned on max brightness?” Matt mumbled. He lifted his head off Shiro’s shoulder to hide his eyes behind his hand, and while Shiro missed the comfortable weight of it, his disappointment was outweighed by the warmth that remained against his side when Matt didn’t completely pull away.

                “That’s called the sun.”

                “Burn it.”

                “I hate to break it to you, but it’s already burning itself. That’s why it’s so bright.”

                “Then pour water on it.”

                “I don’t think that’ll work.”

                “Try it anyway.”

                Shiro shook his head. “It isn’t that bright.”

                Matt dropped his hands a fraction, then groaned and covered his eyes again. “I am a creature of the night. Everything is too bright.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes, slowly blinking them open. “Shit, I fell asleep.” He glanced at the computer in front of them. The screen was dark. “How much did I miss?”

                “Honestly, I’m not sure,” Shiro admitted. “They were hunting something…or something. I think I fell asleep around the same time you did.”

                Matt leaned forward to grab his laptop. Shiro’s side instantly felt cold.

                “This bitch empty,” Matt declared when he tapped the power button but was met with a dark screen. “Yeet.”

                “What?”

                Matt met Shiro’s confused expression with raised eyebrows. “You know, the vine.” No response. “The girl gets handed a can. It’s empty. She throws it and says this bitch empty, yeet.”

                Shiro shook his head slowly, earning an exasperated sigh.

                “Shiro, what rock have you been living under?” Matt asked.

                “Depress-stone.”

                Silence. The two stared at each other with blank faces.

                “True, but, that was the worst pun I’ve heard in my entire fucking life. You have been sentenced to death by firing squad for your unfunny crimes.” Matt made a mock gun with one hand, pointed it at Shiro, and mimed shooting.

                Shiro pointed a finger gun of his own back. “Joke’s on you, I am the firing squad.”

                Matt responded by making a gun with his other hand. Shiro did the same. They were locked in a stalemate, each armed with two finger guns pointed at each other’s heads.

                “If anyone saw us right now and we told them we’re adults who pay taxes, they wouldn’t believe us,” Matt remarked.

                “I mean, we are college students though.”

                “Hm. Fair.”

                The two silenced for a moment, still armed. They stayed in place for nearly a minute until Matt’s phone rang. Both glanced down to where it rested on the floor next to Matt.

                “You, uh… You gonna get that?” Shiro asked.

                Matt scowled, then reluctantly dropped one finger gun in favor of his phone. He peeked at the screen, swiped, held the phone to his ear, then returned his attention to the mock standoff. “Hey.”

                Shiro looked anywhere but Matt’s face during the call and flooded his thoughts with anything and everything besides Matt’s voice. He felt like he was intruding by overhearing the call even though Matt had made no effort to step away, and the only way to avoid the awkward guilt that threatened to overcome him was to do everything he could to not hear a word.

                When Matt ended the call, Shiro allowed his mind to return to reality.

                “That was my dad,” Matt explained. “He said he’s sorry to interrupt when I’m finally interacting with another human outside my family in my free time, but he thinks he got a virus on his laptop. He was gonna wait until I got home to have me fix it, but he can’t get into any of his files for work and is worried they might be lost or corrupted.”

                “Oh,” Shiro said, trying and failing to keep the disappointment he felt from seeping into his tone. He made a stronger effort to reign it in when he spoke again. “That’s…not good.”

                Matt sighed and scrubbed his face. “I told him Pidge could do it, but her and her friends are still out cold.” He finally dropped his other mock gun and gave Shiro an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”

                Shiro shook his head and dropped his finger guns. “Hey, don’t worry about it. Besides, I’ve been putting off a trip to the grocery store for, like, a week.” He nudged the empty popcorn bowl at his side. “I even bought the popcorn from a convenience store down the road while I was getting gas so I wouldn’t have to go.”

                “Time to adult, I guess.”

                Matt snorted, then reluctantly got to his feet and searched the room for his backpack. “Mind if I use your bathroom to change?”

                “Uh, no. Go ahead.” Shiro pushed himself to his feet and began to pick up. “Just watch out for Eurus. She likes to follow,” he warned.

                While Matt was in the bathroom, Shiro swept up the small mess of popcorn pieces and kernels that they’d dropped on the floor, cleaned out the bowl, and checked his phone. He’d neglected to plug it in before falling asleep, so the battery was low, though he figured it would likely last until he got back from the store.

                Matt and Shiro left the dorm together, then split up at the parking lot. Shiro got into his car with a wave while Matt began his trek to the building which housed the IT Center, where Sam would pick him up.

                “Buy more treats for Eurus!” Matt called over his shoulder.

                “Next time she goes to the vet, if they say she’s getting fat, I’m telling them it’s your fault!” Shiro responded. He was sad to see Matt go, but he couldn’t help but let the corners of his lips turn up in a smile at his last remark.

                It didn’t cross Shiro’s mind that Matt might be smiling as his words, too.

-000-

                “It’s fixed,” Matt announced. He pushed his chair away from the kitchen table and gathered up his empty plate in one hand. The other scooped up Sam’s laptop and passed it over.

                “Oh, good.” Sam released a sigh of relief. “Con would’ve killed me if I lost all these assignments.”

                Matt dumped his dishes in the dishwasher and returned to the table. “It wasn’t anything serious. Just a trojan. Probably from a pop-up ad, or something.”

                “Well, I don’t know what that is, but still, thank you,” Sam said. “And sorry for dragging you home. I just didn’t want to bother Katie and her friends. I didn’t know if fixing my laptop would take long, and I didn’t want her friends to sit around and wait when they’re guests.”

                “Shiro had to run errands anyway. Plus my laptop died, so it’s not like we could’ve watched anymore Supernatural anyway,” Matt assured.

                Sam nodded. “Did you have fun?”

                “Yeah, actually. I fell asleep and missed a few episodes, though.”

                “Did Shiro not wake you up?”

                “No, he said he fell asleep, too. Probably around the same time.”

                “I see.” Sam nodded to himself, then looked at Matt with a glint in his eyes. “Shiro’s a good kid.”

                “Yes?”

                “You two seem to be spending a lot of time together.”

                “I mean, we are friends,” Matt reminded. He picked up the cup of orange juice he’d forgotten about while fixing his dad’s computer and began to gulp it down.

                “You are.”

                “We are.”

                “And?”

                “And…what?”

                Sam smiled. “And I think you found a keeper.”

                Matt choked on his drink.

Chapter Text

                Matt closed his bedroom door behind himself slowly. He sagged against it for a moment after the latch clicked into place, then stumbled through piles of junk on the floor to his bed, where he gracelessly flopped face-first into the mattress. He lay still just long enough to sigh, slow and deep, then rolled onto his back. He pulled his blankets with him, wrapping himself in their warmth. His eyes slid closed.

                “I wh-at?!” Matt choked out between coughs.

                Sam chuckled. “I’m glad it’s him. I always worried that you or your sister might bring home who, uh, how does Katie say it… Doesn’t pass the…vibe check? Shiro passes with flying colors.” He paused, then glanced at Matt with a small smirk. “Quite literally, in this case.”

                “Dad!” Matt squeaked, though he quieted when Sam held a finger to his lips and nodded in the direction of Pidge’s room. No one had emerged yet. Pidge and her friends were likely still asleep. Matt inhaled slowly in a failed attempt to combat the rising warmth in his face. “Dad, he’s my friend!”

                “Your friend who you text at three in the morning, always talk about, and get flustered over every time someone mentions him.”

                “Of course! He’s the only person I talk to outside of work and school, and I get flustered because everyone in this house keeps calling him my boyfriend!”

                Matt fought the urge to groan in frustration. He did like Shiro. A lot. If relationships were easy and he wasn’t so desperate to hold onto the first meaningful friendship he’d had with another person in as long as he could remember, his resolve to bury his heart’s desires would’ve failed the moment he became aware of them. But relationships weren’t easy, and Shiro was too good to lose. He didn’t just “pass the vibe check,” he was so unabashedly, genuinely himself that Matt couldn’t look away. Shiro’s confidence in his identity, the way he’d so casually come out to Matt months before, nearly made Matt envious. Sure, Shiro was insecure. He had a hard time opening up. He feared the way people seemed to look at him and see only the scars, not the kind smile on his lips or the excited glint in his eyes when he was doing something he enjoyed. But he was brave. He stood up to Quinn even though he knew it would only bring him trouble. He taught Matt how to protect himself so he had a choice besides running and hiding. He had been dealt more cards of misfortune than any one person should ever be burdened with, and yet he refused to let those hardships steal away his kindness

                Shiro wasn’t just strong. He was a cat dad who babied the one-eyed princess he’d pulled out of a dumpster. He was a nerd who watched garbage movies and could argue over storylines for hours. He didn’t understand technology well, especially for someone his age, but instead of getting frustrated over Matt’s rambling he listened and nodded along. Takashi Shirogane was someone who had so much love to give and life to share with the world. How was Matt supposed to feel anything but admiration for that?

                “You like him, don’t you?”

                Matt sank back down into his chair and stared at the table. He did. There was no need to think about it anymore. What he wouldn’t give to be back on the floor in Shiro’s dorm, feigning sleep with his head on Shiro’s shoulder just to bask in the warmth and comfort that washed over him until he couldn’t stay awake any longer. He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I do.”

                Sam crossed his arms on the table and ducked his head in search of Matt’s eyes, which hid behind his curtain of hair. “And what’re you going to do about it?”

                Tell him. Scream it over the roaring rain of a thunderstorm. Slide a calculator across the table with the graph twisted into a heart. Set his head on that warm shoulder again and never get up.

                “Nothing.”

                An icy flower blossomed in Matt’s chest. It ripped up his heart and pierced his lungs, stealing his breath. He’d been over this already. There was too much to lose.

                “Why?” Sam asked, though he didn’t sound confused. His words weren’t a question.

                Matt had explained it a thousand times. Hadn’t he already told his father before? They’d talked in the past about something similar. Love. Relationships. Sam and Colleen, how they’d come to be. Sam hadn’t known Shiro was on Matt’s mind back then. Or, maybe he had. The more Matt thought about it, his dad had never been like this before. Matt hadn’t had all that many friends growing up, but none of the few people he’d hung around drew this kind of attention from Sam. They hadn’t been bad people. They’d been decent enough to pass this “vibe check,” at least. His dad didn’t push him toward just anyone. Only Shiro. Maybe he had known back then. Maybe he’d known all along. Maybe he’d known before even Matt did.

                “Nothing is guaranteed to be mutual. Hate. Love. Respect. You’ve said that yourself while telling us about when you were in the military. Not every ‘enemy’ hates you, even if you hate them. Not every ‘ally’ likes you, even if you like them. Not every comrade respects you, even if you respect them. Nothing is guaranteed to be mutual. Maybe you have to pretend it is, but always remember that isn’t always the case.”

                “Well…” Sam smiled sheepishly. “I did tell you that, yes, and it is true. But I don’t think you need to worry about that right now.” He put his hands up defensively. “Maybe I’m just an old fool, but as far as I can tell, you mean a lot to Shiro. You aren’t just another kid from school. I can’t say for certain how anyone feels about anyone else, but I can say that this won’t be the end of you two. Even if you tell him how you feel and he doesn’t feel the same way, he won’t walk away over it.”

                “How do you know?”

                “He didn’t waver when that boy Quinn showed up. Someone who doesn’t care enough to stay when things get rough would’ve walked away then and there, or at least wouldn’t have bothered to get involved. Neither of you told me much about what was going on back then, but I saw Shiro after Quinn’s arrest. I know he took a few hits for you. He didn’t get mad about it. He didn’t brag about how cool or how tough he was because he stood up to someone else’s bully. He didn’t do it for himself. He did it for you. If Quinn wasn’t enough to make him up and leave, he won’t be upset because his best friend has a crush on him.”

                Matt scrubbed his face and leaned back in his chair with an annoyed sigh. “Maybe, but that isn’t even the only problem! What if I tell him I like him, he feels the same way, we date, and down the road he decides we made a mistake? Or if I decide we made a mistake?”

                “Plenty of people decide to remain friends after breaking up.”

                “They say that, but they never do. There are a hundred movies about it. Every other person you ask could tell you about an ex they were gonna stay friends with but ended up growing away from because it was too awkward to be around each other.

                “That doesn’t mean it’ll happen to you.”

                “But what if it does?”

                Not even a thousand assurances could shake off the haunting feeling the thought brought to Matt’s body.

                Sam sighed and shook his head. “Sometimes that’s just part of life, Matt. Sometimes we feel like someone is ‘the one’ for us, but then we find out we were wrong. Or they realize it isn’t working for them. Sometimes you’re okay with it. Sometimes it feels like the world has turned against you. When someone who you thought would be in your life forever slips away, you’ll mourn them. Because grief isn’t just for death. We grieve the loss of friends with whom we’ve parted ways, pets that ran away, family who turn their backs on us, and relationships that have soured. Some grief hurts more than others, maybe so much that we don’t think we’ll survive. We don’t think we could ever move on from what we’ve lost. But we do.”

                Matt bit his lip, digging his teeth into the flesh until physical pain drowned out the mental anguish the thought of losing Shiro brought him. No matter the situation, no matter how many times the thought crossed his mind, it never hurt less. If Shiro were no longer in Matt’s life, even if Matt himself had decided it was time for them to go their separate ways, he wasn’t sure how he could ever move on. Sam promised he would. Matt didn’t know if he believed that was possible. If people were potholes in the road that was Matt’s life, Shiro was a crater. His impact was immense and quick, and the concrete around him crumbled more each day as he chipped the road away. The sand of time could surely never fill that hole.

                “When? How long does it take?”

                “It isn’t math, Matt. There’s no one answer. Sometimes it takes days, sometimes weeks. It might take months or years. Some people might even spend decades grieving. It all depends on you. What would you do? Would you spend your days moping around, a cynic convinced that all is hopeless because of one failure? Would you let yourself cry until you don’t have any tears left, then dry your eyes and take the first step? Would you throw yourself into your work and your hobbies so you don’t have a second to think about your pain? Maybe go on with your days like nothing’s wrong, waiting to wake up one morning to find that the ache in your chest is gone? I can’t tell you for sure.”

                Matt knew that his father had experienced loss. No career veteran retired without burying a friend. Loss to death wasn’t what Matt wanted to know about, though. He didn’t even want to think about that. If Shiro died… Matt squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face in his blankets. No. No thinking about that. He couldn’t handle it. At least if he and Shiro grew apart, Matt would know he was still out there somewhere and could hope he was doing well. That was preferable to knowing exactly where he was and being able to visit him because he was six feet under. Still, Matt favored not losing at all.

                “So, what, I’m supposed to just say fuck it and throw rocks at his window in the middle of the night until he opens it so I can declare my undying love for him? I read Romeo and Juliet in high school, dad,” Matt explained.

                “First, language. Second, Romeo and Juliet were idiots,” Sam countered. “Third, not necessarily. You don’t have to say anything you don’t want to, but… I’m old, Matt.”

                “You’re, like, not even fifty yet.”

                “I’m old enough. Enough to say that any old person will tell you they regret a lot of things when they look back at their lives. They regret not going out with their friends more. They regret slaving away at work instead of spending time with their families. They regret some of the things they said and did, but they also regret some of the things they didn’t do.”

                Matt groaned. “I might regret it if I do, but I also might regret it if I don’t. Great. Thanks for the insight. It was very informative.”

                Sam sighed. “What I’m saying, Matt, is that anything can happen. No one knows if they’re making the right choice or not. Even less so when they’re making a choice for someone else. That’s why you can’t ask me to tell you what to do. You can’t ask your mom, or your sister, your teachers, or a stranger. No one can tell you what you need to do. Only you can decide that.”

                “Is it possible to completely comprehend the meaning of something, but still be utterly lost and have no idea how it helps you in any way, shape, or form?”

                “Of course.” Sam stood with a clapped his son’s shoulder with a grin. “That’s what parents do.” He started toward the kitchen to clean up the breakfast dishes. “We give you advice, then set you loose to figure out how it applies to you on your own.”

                Matt rolled over in bed again, wrapping himself up so tightly in his blankets that he felt like he was being crushed. To be or not to be. Follow the logic or the gay thoughts. Take a risk or risk it all the same down the road. He hated making decisions. If this was what it was like to be an adult, he wanted to be a kid again. He wanted to go back to late nights playing video games and getting stickers on his math tests when he solved all the problems correctly. He wanted to go back to the days when feelings were just a flutter in his stomach he didn’t understand.

                People always said love wasn’t easy. Matt never thought it would be this hard.

-000-

                Monday morning, Matt was still preoccupied. He had the day off from his math class since his professor was out of town and had picked up an extra shift at work. Originally, he’d done it for a little extra boost to his paycheck, though as he woke up to more thoughts about what to do with Shiro, he silently thanked himself for the distraction.

                Matt arrived at work bright and early, having ridden to campus with his father at seven in the morning. Sam needed extra time to prepare for classes that day, and Matt didn’t think it would hurt to get an early start. Rift had emailed him Sunday morning about a PC a student had dropped off over the weekend. They had been using it to write an essay for one of their classes, but had been using an offline program to do it. The student hadn’t backed up the file anywhere, so when the PC suddenly shut down, they had no way to access the paper. It was due Wednesday morning. The student had come to the IT Center in tears and was promised that their PC would be given priority, though Rift reminded them to always back up their work in the future. Another student employee would be in later to help, but Matt was to start on the PC first thing.

                Technology was a wonderful distraction. There were so many potential explanations for whatever was wrong, too many to leave any room for the intrusive anxious thoughts that had plagued Matt’s mind since his conversation with his dad the previous morning. As he worked, his brain ran through parts and software. His full attention was on the stubborn screws and the screwdriver set someone hadn’t returned to the proper place.

                One of Matt’s coworkers crossed the threshold at exactly ten o’clock, coffee in hand and dark circles under his eyes. Unkept, pale blonde hair stood up from his head in every direction.

                “You look like shit, Dylan,” Matt stated without taking his eyes off of the dissected PC in front of him.

                “You didn’t even look at me.”

                “Don’t have to. You always look like shit.”

                Dylan raised, his eyebrows, shrugged, then tilted his head back for a deep swig of coffee. “True.” He set his coffee on the front counter and moved to stand behind Matt, squinting at the mess of parts in front them. “I don’t know how the fuck you can find shit in that pile.”

                “I’ve been disassembling things since I could pick up a screwdriver. I know my piles.”

                “I hope so, ‘cause I’m not touching that shitstorm. You know what’s wrong with it?”

                Matt hummed. “Besides the fact that their processor is weaker than my deceased grandmother? Not yet.”

                “Rip granny. You need anything?”

                “A screwdriver set. Ours is missing.”

                “Did you check all the drawers?”

                “And under the tables.”

                Dylan sighed and circled the room, poking around in search of the messing set. “Well, shit. Must’ve been Raven. Their ADHD ass can’t find their phone when they’re holding it in their hand. Probably walked out with it and didn’t even realize it.”

                “They’re good, though.”

                “Fuckin’ hilarious, too. I was sad when Cyprus left, but at least she sent us a damn good replacement.” Dylan took another drink. “I’ve got an extra set in my trunk if you wanna’ use that.”

                “Mhm. I don’t think I’m gonna get much further without it,” Matt said, squinting into the PC’s dark interior. “Why the fuck does anyone use screws this small in a PC? Like, it isn’t even just in the parts themselves. Even the screws on the case were small.”

                Dylan shrugged and dug his keys out of his pocket. “I dunno. I’ll be right back.”

                Matt shook his head and picked up a clipboard, tossing it to Dylan, who let sail past him and down to the floor, then slowly picked it up.

                “We’ve had a lot of drop-offs recently. Rift wants us to get started as soon as we get here. I’ll get the set.”

                “Bossman’s wish is my command,” Dylan mumbled. He threw his keys vaguely in Matt’s direction. “No joyrides.”

                “In the junkmobile? I don’t know how that thing even starts.”

                “As long as it does start, I don’t care how.”

                “When you call off because your car finally took a shit, I’m not covering your shift,” Matt called over his shoulder on his way out.

                “Love you too!”

                Matt rolled his eyes and snorted.

-000-

                It had been oddly warm when Matt left home that morning. He’d brought only a hoodie with him, then took it off when he set to work on the PC. It hadn’t crossed his mind to grab it on his way out of the IT Center, so he had no choice but to hurry across the parking lot with his arms crossed tightly over his middle and Dylan’s keys clutched against his side in one hand. He was still preoccupied with thinking about what could have caused the PC to shut down, and didn’t see the car that suddenly lurched backwards from the parking space beside him until his entire body was bathed in the red of the brake lights.

Chapter Text

                Halfway through class, Shiro saw Sam slip his phone out of his pocket and step out of the room. Less than two minutes later, he returned with a taunt expression. He walked stiffly to Con’s side at the front of the room, whispered in his ear when Con paused his explanation about new TSA guidelines for flight crews, then strode around the edge of the classroom. He paused at Shiro’s side.

                Sam looked Shiro in the eye, then wordlessly tossed his head in the direction of the door.

                Shiro stood automatically. He plucked his bag off the floor, slung it over one shoulder, scooped his notebook off the desk, and followed Sam out of class. The unease that crept over him from Sam’s odd behavior distracted him from the dozens of eyes that watched the pair leave.

                “Sir, is something wrong?” Shiro asked once they were in the hallway and out of earshot of the classroom. He slid his bag down his arm, shoved his notebook inside, closed it, and heaved it back onto his shoulder before watching Sam expectantly for an answer, all without breaking stride.

                Sam waved Shiro down a flight of stairs to the ground floor, then remained silent all the way out to the parking lot, where he gestured for Shiro to get into the car. Shiro complied without question.

                Finally, in the silence of the dormant vehicle, Sam let out a deep breath. His fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly, then relaxed. “Shiro,” he began slowly, “can you do me a favor?”

                With a furrowed brow, Shiro nodded hesitantly.

                “Don’t panic. Everything’s fine.”

                The crease in Shiro’s brow deepened, but he nodded again in understanding.

                Sam exhaled, slow and deep, once again, then met Shiro’s gaze. He spoke softly with a monotonous tone the same way Shiro had been conditioned to report information to his superiors during his time in the military. Like a soldier. “Matt just called me. There was an incident outside the IT Center this morning.”

                Shiro said nothing. He showed nothing. His face had slipped into that blank mask that lurked behind his expressions, always there no matter how far he was from active duty.

                “Like I said, he’s okay. I just wanted to tell you what happened before you overheard some inflated rumor and thought the worst.”

                Still, nothing. Blank. A mask.

                “Matt was on his way out to his coworker’s car when someone backed into him. They just knocked him down pretty good, but it’s school policy to report all incidents and altercations to the proper authorities, so EMS was called. They’re checking him over right now to be safe.”

                Finally, Shiro spoke. His voice was as flat as Sam’s. “Is that where we’re going?”

                “I already told Con we would both be absent for the remainder of class.”

                There was nothing else to be said, so Sam jammed his keys into the ignition and peeled out his parking space. The car crawled out to the road, Sam carefully scanning their surroundings for pedestrians, then the engine growled as they accelerated toward the IT Center.

                In the passenger seat, Shiro sat with his blank mask on his face, though the way gloved fingers burrowed into the strap of his backpack betrayed the fact that his mind was spiraling into darkness.

-000-

                When Sam and Shiro pulled into the parking lot of the IT Center, the first thing they saw was the police car parked in the middle of the aisle. An officer stood behind a rusty suburban that poked out a few feet more than the ones around it. Beside him was a campus security officer, and when they parked and exited the car, Sam and Shiro saw a young man standing in front of the two officers with his hands waving through the air around them. The pair couldn’t hear anything from inside their car, but the man’s agitation was clear in his twisted expression.

                Shiro had his door open the moment Sam put the car in park. He would’ve left his bag in the car if not for his vice-like grip on the strap. His bag was the last thing on his mind. His eyes scanned the parking lot for any sign of Matt, but all he could find was the three who stood by the rusty suburban. Shiro spotted an ambulance parked in front of the building, but the lights were off and the doors were closed. He couldn’t see anyone sitting inside.

                Shiro hadn’t realized Sam was on the move until he spotted the man marching straight to the officers across the parking lot. Sam had slipped out of the car and gone on his way without a sound—or maybe Shiro had been too caught up in his search to notice. He almost had to jog to catch up to Sam, who was already halfway across the lot.

                Sam didn’t stop until he was mere steps away from the officers. The young man standing with them had been speaking angrily to the officers as the pair approached, but silenced the moment Sam paused in front of him. All three looked at Sam, then glanced up at Shiro when he stopped at Sam’s side. The man, who Shiro assumed was the driver of the vehicle, flinched when Shiro’s gaze landed on him. Normally, Shiro would wince at the thought of his appearance making someone uncomfortable. However, at the moment, he didn’t care.

                The trio’s attention returned to Sam when he spoke. “I’m looking for Matthew Holt. He was involved in the accident this morning. I’m Samuel, his father.” Sam held out his staff ID for the officers to see, then it was tucked away as quickly as it appeared.

                The campus security officer pointed toward the IT Center. “He’s inside with the paramedics.”

                A nod of thanks was all the officer received before Sam and Shiro were off, closing the distance between themselves and the IT Center in long, fast strides. Shiro reached the doors a fraction of a second faster and held them open for Sam, who continued without pause as if the doors weren’t there at all. They were a commander and his trusted soldier, a team on a mission that wouldn’t be stopped.

                The ground floor hallway stretched out before them, but everything was dark besides the first room on the left, which flooded the hallway with light through the open door. There was no need to debate where Sam and Shiro needed to go.

                A blond young man who seemed close in age to Matt stood just inside the doorway. When Sam and Shiro crossed the threshold, he moved aside as if an invisible force had shoved him backwards. With him out of the way, the pair had a clear view of Matt, who sat in a chair in the middle of the room with one paramedic shining a light in his eyes while another secured the gauze wrapped around his right forearm.

                It took every ounce of self-control that Shiro could muster to stay put as the paramedics finished their examination and decided Matt was well enough to be released from their care. The moment they stepped back and began to pack up their equipment, Sam lurched forward.

                “Dad—” Matt began, though he stopped when Sam knelt in front of him, gently grabbed the sides of his face, and turned his head, examining a small scrape on his temple and the bruises that blossomed on the side of his jaw. Matt didn’t speak as his father carefully and gingerly looked him over again.

                From where he stood a few feet away, Shiro could see the extent of Matt’s injuries. Whatever was under the gauze on his arm had to be rather nasty, but clearly wasn’t any kind of break or fracture, and that injury appeared to be the worst. Most of the damage was on Matt’s right side. There were bruises and scrapes here and there, but otherwise, nothing to worry about. The logical side of Shiro’s brain understood there was no cause for concern. However, no amount of logic could make his heart calm its thunderous pounding in his chest, his lungs learn to draw in a full breath, or his stomach to escape the knots it had tied itself into.

                Once Sam seemed satisfied that Matt truly was in one—albeit slightly damaged—piece, he pulled his on into a hug. His hand settled on the back of Matt’s head and lightly stroked the messy waves. Matt visibly relaxed, his body sagging into Sam’s hold as his arms rose to return the embrace.

                Shiro wasn’t sure why the scene before him made his chest tighten, but elected to ignore the feeling. He focused instead on what he could see. He stared at Matt, the physical evidence that his worst nightmare hadn’t found its way into reality.

                An eternity seemed to pass before Sam finally pulled away, though he didn’t stand. He remained in place, kneeling in front of Matt with his full attention on his son. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

                Matt nodded. “I’m fine, dad. I promise. It’s just a few scratches.”

                The furrow in his brow said Sam didn’t agree, but he didn’t argue. He remained silent as Matt turned his attention to Shiro and smiled sheepishly.

                “Hey,” Matt greeted awkwardly. He glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned. “Aren’t you supposed to be in class right now?”

                Shiro didn’t respond. He could hear Matt speak, but couldn’t open his mouth. All he could do was stand in place and stare, frozen.

                “Shiro?” Matt looked concerned now. He began to stand, but the moment he started to rise, Shiro lunged forward and set a light hand on his shoulder to guide him back into his seat.

                “Don’t stand up.” Shiro winced at his own tone. It was rough, as if he were barking an order. Matt remained seated and flashed Shiro another small smile nonetheless. The old scar on his cheek from months ago moved with his expression. The sight of it made Shiro bite the inside of his cheek in frustration. It was always something with Matt. Always another injury he didn’t deserve. “Just don’t push yourself, okay?”

                Sam glanced around the room. “Are your things still up in the IT Center? I’ll go get them, then we’re going home.”

                “Wait.” Matt shook his head. “It’s okay, dad. I’m fine. I don’t need to go home.”

                “You got hit by a car—”

                “I got knocked down by someone’s rusty junk bucket of a vehicle because they forgot to check behind them before backing up. I’m fine. I wouldn’t have even bothered to call, but I didn’t want you to get worried if you overheard someone saying a nerd got run over in the parking lot,” Matt explained. “I was gonna text Shiro, too, to let him know I was okay, but I was waiting until class was over because I knew you two would freak out and leave!”

                “Of course we would,” Shiro interjected automatically. The words came out before he knew he was thinking them, then his mouth slammed shut as quickly as it had opened. He didn’t speak again.

                Matt sighed and dropped and leaned forward, dropping his left hand heavily on Sam’s shoulder to look his father in the eyes. “I’m okay. I promise. You can go back to work. I have stuff to get done here, anyway. There’s a mega-fucked PC currently in pieces on a table upstairs that needs to be fixed ASAP, and we both know Dylan won’t be able to put it back together. I organized all the pieces in a very specific way that looks like ‘a pile of random shit’ to anyone else, as you say.”

                Sam didn’t look convinced. The furrow in his brow remained, though the fire in his eyes began to flicker. He slowly rose to his feet. “Fine. But—” He paused and set his hands on his hips, fixing his son with a warning look only parent could give. “If you start to feel sick, or dizzy, or if anything starts to hurt, call me. Understood?”

                “Yes, sir,” Matt said with a poor imitation of a salute that drew up the corners of Sam’s lips a fraction.

                “And I’m calling your mother!” Sam warned as he began to walk toward the door with his hands searching his pockets for his phone.

                “No--!” Matt groaned. He looked to Shiro, the only one left in the room. “I have T minus two minutes before my phone will go off and unleash hell upon the mortal realm.” Shiro didn’t so much as breathe in response to the joke, prompting Matt’s teasing expression to drop. “Hey, seriously, I’m okay.”

                Shiro ran his hand through his short hair once, then again, turning his white bangs into a poofy mess atop his forehead. “I know.” His voice was quiet.

                The pair was silent for a moment, then Matt spoke. “I’m sorry. For worrying you. I mean, hearing that someone you know got into an accident is crazy enough, even if it isn’t serious. But I know it’s harder on you since, uh…Adam.”

                Slowly, Shiro nodded. “I don’t know what I would’ve done if that happened again,” he admitted, then finally looked Matt in the eyes. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

                Matt offered a small smile. “It’ll take more than a rusty tin can on wheels to get rid of me. Besides, according to Dylan, I have some very intimidating bodyguards.”

                “Bodyguards?” Shiro questioned.

                “You. My dad. Dylan was keeping an eye out for my dad after I called, since he said he was on his way over. Just before you guys got here, he said my dad and some huge guy with white hair were talking to the cops, and that the guy who hit me looked like he was about to piss himself when you looked at him. Then when you guys were walking toward the building, he said Terminator One and Two were on their way in and he feared for his life.”

                Shiro thought back to the driver’s frightened expression in the parking lot. Apparently he’d looked as furious as he’d felt, and while he’d been too focused on finding Matt to take notice of Sam, he’d looked as vengeful as Shiro. “I can’t say I didn’t think about throat-punching that guy in the parking lot.”

                “Please don’t.” Matt winced. “I think the heart attack he had when he realized what happened was punishment enough.”

                Shiro didn’t respond. His gaze slid to Matt’s bandaged forearm, then followed the smatter of bruises that tracked along his exposed skin. His blood simmered with equal parts burning rage and cold fear. He couldn’t help but think of how much worse it could’ve been. Bruises could have been broken bones. Scrapes could have been flesh ripped clean off the skeleton by the rough asphalt. There could have been a concussion. A body flying like a ragdoll. It could have been the end. Last words sent over text. Something silly. Nothing left but an expanse of time full of regret. Words that would never be spoken. Words he wished he would have said.

                Matt slowly stood. He was talking, but his voice didn’t reach Shiro’s ears through the static in his brain. He had regrets. So many. All the things he never said. Never did. Things he wanted, but sacrificed. Gave up on. Wrong choices. Regret. Regret. Regret.

                Shiro’s body was in motion before his brain told it to move. He stepped forward, closing the short distance between him and Matt in one long, swift stride. One moment, he was moving. The next, his arms were wrapped around Matt, his hold tight but mindful of Matt’s wounds. They were close, not a centimeter of space between their bodies. They could feel each other’s warmth through their clothes.

                “I’m glad you’re okay,” Shiro murmured. His eyes were squeezed shut his mind focused on the warmth and the feeling of Matt’ heart beating against his chest.

                Careful hands touched down lightly on Shiro’s back as Matt returned the embrace, squeezing Shiro back lightly. Neither spoke.

                Shiro didn’t know how much time had passed before he reluctantly loosened his hold on Matt. They drew apart slowly, Shiro’s tired eyes meeting Matt’s wide ones. “Sorry. I just kind of…” Shiro trailed off with a shrug.

                “No. No, it’s okay,” Matt assured.

                The two fell silent for a moment, their gazes on the ground as their hearts pounded and their cheeks warmed.

                “Uh, you don’t have to hang around, uh, if you’re busy,” Matt said. “I mean, you can come up to the IT Center if you want, but I don’t want you missing anymore of your classes because of me, and, uh, I’m kinda boring to be around when I’m working. Since I, uh, kinda forget other people exist when I focus,” Matt explained.

                “I do have another class coming up,” Shiro agreed. He didn’t want to leave, but he also knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut if he stayed. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

                Matt nodded. “Yeah. I’m, uh, I’m good.”

                “Good.”

                Another awkward silence fell.

                “We should, um, probably go,” Matt suggested.

                “Yeah. You’ve got your, uh, PC issue. I’ve got class.”

                “But I’ll text you later? After your classes?”

                “Sure. That, uh, that sounds good.”

                “So, see you later?”

                Shiro nodded, his lips quirking up into a small smile for a short second. “Yeah. See you later.”

                “Great.”

                “Just, uh, be careful in the parking lot, okay?”

                “Oh, uh, yeah. You too.”

                “I will.”             

                The two walked out of the room together in silence.

                “Bye.”

                “Bye.”

                They parted ways, Matt turning in the direction of the stairs, and Shiro, the door. They moved in opposite directions, though their thoughts went the same way.

                Not yet. Not now. But soon. I’ll tell him.

Chapter Text

                Thursday afternoon, Shiro was in the midst of tidying his dorm when his phone buzzed in his pocket. He nearly tripped over Eurus, who had taken to winding- figure-eights around his legs, as he dug out his phone and peeked at the screen. A new message from Matt.

Matt: Yo u busy today?

                Shiro glanced at the damp rag in his other hand, then tossed it on the counter.

Shiro: No. Just cleaning up a bit

                He snapped a quick picture of Eurus. She was still wrapped around his shins.

Shiro: And being tripped

Matt: Lol

Matt: She doesn’t need u anymore

Matt: She knows ill give her food too

Matt: They’ll never find your body

Shiro: Have the two of you been plotting against me??

Matt: What happens beyond Shiro’s perception stays beyond Shiro’s perception

Matt: Anyway I just got out of class

Matt: I was supposed to work today but Rift took me off the schedule for the rest of the week??

Matt: Bruh really only let me work long enough to fix that scuffed asf PC then put me in injured person jail

Matt: im BORED

Shiro: Good. You need to rest

Matt: We both know I don’t know how to do that

Matt: Do you want to hang out

Matt: I will deadass just sit on the floor and watch you clean

Matt: Im desperate

Shiro: You need to take it easy though

Matt: Anything but staring at a wall all day until my dad is done with work

                Shiro had the remainder of the day off, was caught up on schoolwork, and didn’t have anything pressing to take care of. The only thing he absolutely had to do that day was call Cherryfield Therapy and set another appointment with Najenda Kek. As Shiro’s mental health improved and his tight schedule constricted further due to mid-semester tests, he’d gotten lax about visiting Najenda. He knew he still needed to see her and continue working through the baggage he’d kept to himself for years, but the thought rarely crossed his mind recently, and his appointments were few and far between. However, after Matt’s recent accident, anxiety had begun to eat at Shiro again. His car accident nightmares had returned, though this time, they featured Matt instead of Adam. The thought made Shiro rub at the dark circles under his eyes as if his fingers could wipe the purple stains away.

Shiro: I don’t really have any ideas on stuff we could do, but you can come over to my dorm if you want.

Shiro: Eurus will be happy to see you

Matt: JUST Eurus?

Matt: Shiro

Matt: You wound me

                Shiro snorted.

Shiro: Yep, just Eurus

Shiro: I just keep you around to distract her so I can finally have a few minutes of peace without a cat trying to trip me every time I take a step.

Matt: ☹

Shiro: 😊

Matt: I’ll be there in five

Matt: Actually ten

Matt: I am currently banned from cutting across parking lots

Matt: I have to go around ALL of them

Shiro: Good

Shiro: No rush

Matt: Smh

Matt: Finish your cleaning Dobby

Shiro: No

                Shiro snapped a picture of Eurus wrapped around his feet. She was pawing at his socks.

Shiro: Master has given Dobby a sock

Shiro: Dobby is free

Matt: EURUS NO

Matt: DON’T FREE HIM

Shiro: Lol

Shiro: Be careful on your way over

Shiro: Phone in your pocket

Shiro: Pay attention

Matt: Yes MOM

Shiro: You better have cleared your room or you’re grounded

Matt: …We do not discuss the cleanliness of my room

Matt: I know where to find everything and that’s all that matters

Matt: See u in a miiiiiiin

Shiro: Be CAREFUL

                Shiro slipped his phone back into his pocket and glanced down at Eurus. “Be gentle today, okay? Not jumping on Matt.”

                Eurus blinked and rubbed her face against Shiro’s leg.

                “Good girl,” he responded, reaching down to scratch her back before returning his attention to the dorm. “Keep an eye out for him while I finish cleaning.”

-000-

                Shiro heard a knock on the door just as he was putting his cleaning supplies back under the kitchen sink. He shut the cupboard door and hopped over Eurus, who wove around his feet, following him to the door. He picked her up before unlocking it so she couldn’t try to slip outside.

                Temperatures had been rising recently to the point that it was warm enough for t-shirts and shorts, but Matt donned a hoodie and pants as he stood outside Shiro’s door. His hair was down, too, a wavy curtain of sandy brown framing his face.

                “Henlo,” Matt greeted, entering the dorm when Shiro stepped aside to let him through.

                “What?” Shiro questioned.

                Matt waved in dismissal. “Tis how the cool kids greet each other, gramps.”

                “I’m twenty-six, not sixty.”

                “Your knowledge of modern slang is worse than my actual grandparents’.”

                “That’s because they use facebook.”

                “They’re boomers. They think Facebook is the whole internet.”

                “I know it isn’t, and therefore I am more knowledgeable than your grandparents.”

                “You still text like an old lady.”

                Shiro closed the door and held Eurus out to Matt. “Eat him, Eurus.”

                Matt scratched Eurus under the chin. “Eurus is my baby. She would never.”

                Eurus squirmed under Shiro set her down, then wound herself around Matt’s ankles.

                “See?” Matt prompted, bending down to scratch her back.

                Shiro snorted. “Traitor.” He rubbed Eurus’ side with his foot, then turned his attention to Matt. “How’re you feeling?”

                Matt deadpanned. “Like I got hit by a car.” He quickly shook his head and smiled. “Kidding. It’s not bad. My arm hurts, and the bruises suck when I accidentally roll over in my sleep, but otherwise, I’m fine.”

                “You been changing out the bandages?” Shiro asked with a glance at Matt’s arm. He couldn’t see the bandages because of Matt’s sleeve, though the outline was faintly visible under the fabric.

                “Oh, shit.” Matt raised his right arm and turned it over, examining it as if he could see the wound through his sleeve. “My parents have been reminding me every time they saw me the past few days, but I forgot to do it this morning.” He shrugged. “Woke up late.”

                Shiro sighed. “Just a second.” He left Matt by the door with Eurus and made his way to the bathroom, where he dug through the small cabinet for his first-aid kit. He took out a roll of gauze, tape, and disinfectant, then slipped a pair of synthetic gloves over his usual leather gloves and returned to the kitchen, where he gestured for Matt to follow him into his room.

                Matt unzipped his hoodie and left it on the edge of the counter in the kitchen before following Shiro. He wordlessly offered up his arm to Shiro, who held it gently and began to unwind the old bandages. Matt’s gaze was glued to the floor.

                Without his hoodie, and in the bright sunlight that lit up the bedroom, Matt’s bruises were a stark, deep purple on his pale skin. The scrapes on his arm had scabbed over, but the skin around them was a bright, irritated red. His mottled, swollen skin was a warning mosaic of the things that could happen suddenly, without notice, to anyone. It was a reminder of something they both would rather forget, and a morbid future that could have been.

                Shiro was reaching for Matt’s face before he knew what he was doing. His fingers ghosted over Matt’s right cheek for a fraction of a second as he pushed Matt’s hair aside, revealing a purple bruise on his jaw, and another on his cheekbone near his hairline. Matt usually wore his hair up as it continued to grow out. Now Shiro knew why he had it down. Matt’s right leg probably looked no better. Shiro bit the inside of his cheek as a wave of something he could only describe as “pain” rose up within him at the sight.

                “It looks worse than it is,” Matt mumbled, still staring at the ground.

                Shiro didn’t respond as he let Matt’s hair fall back over the bruises on his face and returned his attention to Matt’s arm. He carefully sprayed Matt’s forearm with disinfectant and wiped away what excess threatened to drip on the floor. He then wrapped it gently in fresh gauze, which he secured with a few pieces of tape. He held onto Matt’s arm a second longer than he had to, then let go and gathered his first-aid supplies.

                “Thanks.” Matt examined Shiro’s handiwork as Shiro returned his things to the cabinet in the bathroom.

                When Shiro returned, Matt was on his phone, though he looked up from the screen when he noticed Shiro. His somber expression from earlier was gone. He was back to his usual self. “Did you think of anything you want to do? I mean, we could just sit and watch a movie, but all I’ve been doing the past three days is sitting, and if I don’t do something else, my ass is gonna go permanently numb.”

                Shiro raised his eyebrows. “Since when do you not like being inactive?”

                Matt shrugged. “Since people started telling me to be inactive.”

                “Well, there’s no way in hell you’re going to the gym before you’re healed.”

                “Hey, I said I need to be on my feet, not that I want to die.”

                Shiro gestured to Matt’s arms. “You still exercise, though. The noodle arms never came back.”

                “There’s a difference between working out, and working out with the Hulk as your gym buddy.”

                “I went easy on you!”

                “Sounds like something someone would say before making me run ten kilometers, do a hundred push-ups, and a hundred sit-ups every single day.”

                “This is not One Punch Man, and you are not Saitama.”

                Matt grabbed his hair defensively. “I fuckin better not be! I’d look like shit if I was bald.”

                “The long hair does suit you,” Shiro commented.

                “Shiro, you are making me flustered!” Matt squeaked dramatically, hiding his face behind his hands.

                Shiro chuckled and looked away as if it would cover the warmth that rose to his cheeks.

                “Anyway, anything you wanna do?” Matt asked again.

                “Uh…” Shiro’s brow furrowed. He didn’t have anything in particular in mind, let alone something fun that wouldn’t aggravate Matt’s injuries. A glance around his dorm didn’t give him many ideas, either. “I mean, Eurus is low on food and ran out of treats this morning, so I was planning to go to the store sometime in the next couple days, but—”

                “We are going!” Matt declared. “ With his good arm he gestured wildly toward Eurus, who had settled next to him and Shiro on the floor. “She’ll starve, Shiro. She needs treats! Sustenance!”

                Shiro stared. “Uh, are you sure? I can always go another time.”

                “Go. Now. Feed the princess.”

                Matt was already headed for the door before Shiro realized he’d moved. “Are you sure your leg is okay to walk that much?” Shiro called over his shoulder. He glanced down at Eurus, who blinked lazily in response.

                “I’m fine! Let’s go—Oh, shit.”

                For a moment, Shiro’s heart dropped. He pivoted and crossed the distance between his room and the kitchen in a few large strides, worried that something was wrong with Matt, only to find his friend staring at his discarded hoodie on the floor.

                “What’s wrong?” Shiro asked, approaching hesitantly as Matt crouched down and picked up his hoodie with two fingers. When he got closer, he finally saw the issue. “Eurus!”

                A chunky puddle of half-digested kibble sat in the middle of Matt’s hoodie. It smelled strongly of cat breath.

                Eurus peeked her head out of Shiro’s room, took one look at his disapproving expression, and slunk off toward the bathroom to hide before she could be scolded.

                Shiro took the hoodie from Matt, carried it to the trash can, and shook off the cat puke as best he could into the trash. A wet, orange stain remained on the fabric.

                “She must really not like that hoodie. I knew I should’ve worn the blue one instead,” Matt thought aloud.

                “Sorry,” Shiro said with a sigh as he stuck the hoodie under the sink to rinse it. He then grabbed a paper towel and scrubbed at the stain, though not all of it wiped away.

                “It’s alright,” Matt assured.

                Shiro threw away the paper towels and shook his head. “I need to go to the laundromat soon, anyway. I’ll wash this, then get it back to you.”

                “I can just take it home and wash it myself.”

                “No, you’re not cleaning up cat puke. I’ll clean it tonight and give it to your dad in class tomorrow,” Shiro insisted. He glanced at Matt’s bandaged forearm. Without the hoodie, there was nothing to hide it. “Do you still want to go to the store? I mean…” he trailed off, looking at Matt’s arm again.

                Matt followed Shiro’s gaze. “Oh, uh, I mean, I still want to go. Like, Eurus needs food, but, um…” He paused, then looked at anything but Shiro’s face as he asked, “Do you have an extra hoodie I could borrow? Just for the day?” Shiro blinked, and Matt immediately backtracked. “It’s okay if you don’t, or if you don’t feel like lending one out. It’s just, almost everyone on campus has heard about the nerd who got run over in a parking lot, and I’d rather not go around announcing that it was me with, well, this.” He raised his bandaged arm.

                “Oh, no. I mean, yes. I—Yeah, I’ll lend you one.” Shiro stumbled over his words, then over his own feet as he returned to his bedroom and began searching through the hoodies hanging in his closet. Once he found the smallest one he had that wasn’t in the dirty laundry hamper, he returned to the kitchen and offered it to Matt. “It’s one of the smallest ones I have, but it’ll still probably be a little big on you.”

                “Thanks,” Matt said quietly. He accepted the hoodie and slipped it on, then zipped it up and shook out the bunched up sleeves. It was big on him…and very cute. The hoodie didn’t hang down too low, as Matt had grown quite a bit recently and wasn’t too much shorter than Shiro, though the sleeves hung over his fingers, and the hoodie swallowed his far narrower frame.

                Shiro took a deep breath as his heart skipped a beat. He hoped Matt couldn’t see the pink in his cheeks. However, because he couldn’t look Matt in the eye, he couldn’t see that Matt had gone just as red as he had, and wasn’t looking at him, either.

                “It’s, uh, comfy,” Matt noted.

                Shiro nodded. “Yeah.”

                The two went silent for a moment, Shiro picking at his gloves while Matt flapped his sweater paws.

                Matt was the first to speak again. “It’s a little big, but I that’s good, actually.” He waved his right arm. “Can’t see the bandages under the sleeve, and none of my bruises are hanging out. No one’ll be staring at my mangled arm.” He laughed awkwardly in a failed attempt to change the atmosphere, both of them still flustered.

                “I mean, it could be worse,” Shiro replied, earning a strange look from Matt. Before his anxiety could stop him, he drew in a shaky breath and yanked up the sleeve on his right arm. He couldn’t bring himself to look at his arm, nor at Matt’s reaction, as he held his breath. When it became too much, he tugged his sleeve back down and stared at the floor.

                There was silence for a moment, then Matt spoke. “I was wondering why your arm was so hard.”

                “I—what?” Shiro sputtered, finally looked up at Matt. He was surprised to be met with a nonchalant expression.

                Matt gestured to Shiro’s arm. “The other day when you, uh, hugged me, I noticed that your arm was really hard,” he explained. “Like, yeah, you’re built like Captain America, but I knew it was something else, I guess. You’d never said anything about it, and you always wear long sleeves and those leather gloves even when it’s hot as shit outside, so I figured I probably shouldn’t ask.” He paused. “Is that why you’re always on my right side?”

                Shiro blinked. “Um… Yeah?” he responded, confused. He glanced down at his sleeve, looked back at Matt, then pointed to his arm again. “You’re not confused by this?”

                “I don’t know what the hell I was looking at, aside from the fact that it was your arm, but, like, it’s fine, I guess? I used to swallow screws when I was younger because I watched Penguins of Madagascar too much and wanted to cough them up when I needed them like Rico. I’m not gonna run away screaming because my friend has a weird arm.” Matt shrugged. “You don’t need to explain, either.”

                “You ate screws?” Shiro squeaked. “Wait—I mean… That seriously doesn’t freak you out?”

                “The screws, or your arm?”

                “Both?”

                Matt sighed. “I was an impressionable child who could take apart and reassemble a computer, but lacked the intelligence to understand I was an idiot for trying to copy a cartoon penguin. And no, your arm doesn’t freak me out. It’s an arm. And some metal, I guess. Looks like it hurt, though.”

                “Um, yeah,” Shiro confirmed. “It sucked. Still sucks when it’s really cold out, or really hot.”

                “Damn, didn’t even think about that.”

                “The sleeves and gloves help.”

                “Oh, is that why you wear them?”

                Shiro shook his head. “No. I didn’t even think about how they might help with that. I just… I can’t stand looking at it.” He glared at his arm, even though he couldn’t see the mass of fused flesh and metal through his sleeve.  “I hate it, and I don’t want anyone to see it. Most people can’t handle the scar on my face, let alone this.”

                Matt frowned. “If you’re so uncomfortable with it, why’d you show me? You didn’t have to.”

                “You’re you, though,” Shiro replied. “I was worried it might freak you out, but you’re the only friend I have who isn’t a professor, or one of Keith’s friends. I wanted to show you, I guess.” He rubbed the back of his neck and added quietly, “And I’m glad I did.”

                “Oh.” Matt nodded. “Nice.” He glanced at Shiro’s arm. “You think you’ll cover it forever?”

                Shiro shrugged and looked down at his right hand, squeezing it into a fist in front of himself. “For now I will, yeah. Maybe forever. I dunno. Najenda told me a while ago that showing it to someone else was the first step to becoming more comfortable with it, so maybe I’ll be able to uncover it someday.”

                “Remember that you don’t have to, though,” Matt reminded. “You can cover your arm for the rest of your life if you want to. There’s no shame in that.” He flapped his sweater paws again absentmindedly. “Najenda is good at what she does, but for therapists, progress is pretty much the whole point. Najenda won’t force anyone to do anything they don’t want to, but she has to at least encourage her patients to be open about things they’re hiding. My dad had that issue with a few things. Some of it, he was able to accept. Other stuff he still keeps to himself to this day, and that’s fine. He’s more comfortable that way. We both know people love to judge, and they’ll judge anything and everything no matter how comfortable you are or aren’t with it. I guess I’m trying to say that showing the world the things you want to hide doesn’t have to be the goal, so don’t feel like you have to do it someday, or that you aren’t making progress because you want to keep hiding it.”

                A wave of warmth washed over Shiro, easing the tension in his body. “I know,” he agreed. “But thanks. I need the reminder sometimes.”

                “Of course,” Matt said, then his expression turned serious. “But, the real question here…” He looked Shiro dead in the eye. “If I put a magnet on your arm, will it stick?”

                First, silence. Then, Shiro snorted loudly. Chuckles wracked his body, and Matt’s composure was washed away by a goofy grin.

                “No, it won’t,” Shiro answered once he reined in his laughter. “The metal they used isn’t magnetic, since they didn’t want me breaking things or getting hurt because my arm got caught up in something. So, no, it won’t stick.”

                “Oh my god, the wasted potential!” Matt groaned. “You could’ve been, like, a whole magician! Start sticking shit to your arm and posting it online for clout, or something. You could’ve been raking in views while people argued about how you did it in the comments!”

                “Ugh. Terrible. I’ve been robbed,” Shiro lamented sarcastically. He nodded at Matt’s injured arm. “At least we’re both in the facial scar club, and the mangled arm club now.”

                “Hell yes.” Matt tapped the scar on his cheek. “I’m just copying you at this point. I copied your scar, and now I’ve copied your arm, well, kinda. I’m stealing your entire identity, and you don’t even know it.”

                Shiro rolled his eyes and grabbed his keys off the counter. “I’ll make sure I keep an eye on my credit card in case you decide to copy that, too,” he said on his way to the door.

                Matt followed. “Don’t give me ideas, Shiro,” he warned.

                The pair slipped on their shoes and stepped outside into the warmth of spring; their faces split with grins on the way to Shiro’s car.

                One year ago, if someone had told Takashi Shirogane that he would show his arm to his best friend, he would’ve called them a liar. He would’ve told them there was no way he’d ever show anyone his arm purposefully. And even if he decided to believe that maybe, just maybe, he might show it to someone, he would’ve braced himself for a poor reaction. He wouldn’t have believed that there was a single person in the world who would look at his arm and tell him it was okay, then make some silly joke that would make him hate it just a little bit less.

                Life is finite for everyone. Shiro had made peace with that fact long ago. As he drove to the store with Matt to buy food for Eurus, Shiro knew he would be happy with his life, no matter how long or short it was, if he had people like Keith, the McClains, the Holts, Matt, in it.

Chapter Text

                Behind the aviation building, Shiro sighed heavily as he threw himself down in the grass next to Matt, his back arched uncomfortably over his unusually full backpack. “I’m in hell on Earth.”

                Matt, who had been tapping away at a game on his phone, turned it off and dropped the device in the grass in front of his criss-crossed legs and gave Shiro a look. “So, what is this hell that you insisted we discuss in person in the outside rather than indoors over text like civilized introverts?” he asked.

                Shiro scrubbed his face. “I didn’t want to be that guy, and the maintenance crew would’ve known I was bitching to someone if they saw me furiously typing on my phone like I just caught my boyfriend cheating and am calling his out with all the receipts.”

                “And who is the boyfriend in this situation?”

                “A door,” Shiro growled, followed by another heavy sigh. “The entire door to my dorm is busted. The lock broke, the door moved on the hinges all weird so it’s crooked and jammed to the point that they couldn’t force it open even if they somehow got the lock out, and now they have to call someone in to take out and replace the entire frame.”

                Matt whistled. “Dude. That…is ass.”

                “Ya don’ say…”

                “So,” Matt began, laying down next to Shiro in the grass, “How long will it take them to fix it?”

                “A day. Hopefully,” Shiro responded. “They said it should be done by tomorrow afternoon, or maybe the evening if they run into more issues.”

                Matt hummed, then stiffened. “Wait… Eurus!” he gasped. “What about my princess?!”

                Shiro snorted. “She’s fine,” he assured. “I couldn’t get in through the door, but since I won’t be able to get into my dorm until tomorrow, the housing director had the maintenance crew bring out a ladder. They got my window open and let me climb through it to get whatever I needed and take care of Eurus. She’s got full food and water bowls and fresh litter in her box. I also shut her in the spare room so she doesn’t get spooked and escape while they’re replacing the door.”

                “But what if she starves?!” Matt argued. “If she’s extra hungry tonight she’ll eat all her food then go hungry tomorrow! She’ll starve to death!” He threw his arm over his eyes in mock distress.

                “She’ll be fine,” Shiro insisted with a chuckle. “I even gave her extra treats before I left.’

                “My baby is gonna be lonely!” Matt wailed.

                “Oh my god it’s one day, Matt. Eurus will be fine. She’s been by herself before.”

                “Cruelty! It’s animal cruelty!”

                Shiro rolled his eyes, but he was smiling. “You can come over and make up for all the attention she’s missing out on when the door is fixed.”

                Matt bolted upright, his façade of sadness gone without a trace. “Yes, I want to see my baby girl!”

                “If you’re that excited, you can clean out her litter box, too.”

                Matt met Shiro’s gaze. “Anything for my kitty.”

                “You have an obsession.”

                “She’s worth it.”

                “If I die in whatever basement the school drums up for me to stay in tonight, I’ll make sure to leave her to you in my will.”

                Matt frowned and cocked his head to the side. “Do they not have any empty dorms?” he asked.

                Shiro shook his head. “Nope. I guess the freshman class from the fall was massive, and coupled with the transfer students, the dorms got maxed out. Private rooms weren’t even offered to students unless they needed one for some sort of medical accommodation.”

                “What about a hotel room?”

                “The one down the road is under construction, so half their rooms are out of order, and the rest are booked. The next closest one is forty-five minutes away and requires reservations ahead of time.”