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If asked why he couldn’t sleep, Alviss couldn’t really say he wasn’t tired, because he was. Rather, he was restless, and he feared waking up his companions if he stayed in bed, quietly but furiously tapping his foot against the other.
He slipped out of the room in the shadows and carefully explored the castle, mindful of the possibility of running into a Chess soldier. For all their higher ups promised neutrality inside Reginrave and outside of officially sanctioned battle, Alviss did not trust any of them one bit. And who could blame him, really?
Outside of a few Pawns lazily standing guard at important entrances, however, he did not see a soul on his way – though he was always alert of what he couldn’t see – and even managed to slip past one and reach the stairs to the rooftops. A few quick jumps and he was now standing on a buttress, taking in the fresh night air.
No matter how much he breathed, however, he just couldn’t shake off the heavy feeling in his chest. It was nothing new, of course, but just when Alviss thought he had finally gathered the courage to overpower it in order to get rid of it once and for all, it only returned with full force now, as if he was 10 years old again. Suddenly the clear night sky looked too much like the one he remembered from back then.
Alviss swallowed back his fears and clenched his teeth, not willing to go back just yet; he instead jumped to a different part of the rooftops, ever so careful to not make noise, until he froze in his tracks upon seeing a certain figure standing with his back to him. Alviss quickly retreated under a buttress, but it was too late; the boy had already noticed him.
“Ah, Alviss” Rolan called out, his features covered by the dark but his voice cheery as if he was greeting an old friend “W-What are you doing out so late?”
Alviss left his hiding spot but didn’t approach him, frowning at seeing Rolan’s smile under the moonlight.
“I should be the one asking you that. Shouldn’t you be at Lestava?”
Rolan jumped down towards him, keeping his distance as well as his smile still. “W-well, you see… It’s a-a very nice night… And it’s just s-so cold in Lestava… W-well…”
“Cut to the point” Said Alviss, exasperated. He couldn’t really tell the other’s intentions, but it couldn’t be something as vapid as that, could it? “You’re looking for a fight, just say so.”
Rolan frowned and placed a hand over his heart, as if trying to open it up for Alviss to see. He sighed; looking at the forests surrounding the castle; opening his mouth various times, trying to say something. He felt Alviss’ eyes fixated on his arms, knowing what hid beneath the sky blue jacket, and found his words again.
“I wanted to see you, Alviss. Simple as that.”
“Huh?”
Clearly, Alviss still didn’t believe him. It hurt Rolan’s heart, but he would patiently wait for him to come around. They had an eternity for that, after all. He shook his head and his smile returned, softer this time.
“Believe me or not if you want, I just don’t have another reason other than wanting to see your face… Of course, if you had been asleep I would have returned, but here we are, are we not?”
…Alviss couldn’t really go against that, he supposed. After all, Rolan did seem the type to wander around at night unable to sleep, first impressions only being validated more now. But that didn’t mean he had to put up with him, either, now did it? He just had to find an excuse to get the Knight off his back before his chest got heavier; even if it meant burying his head on his pillow and begging the powers that be to drown him unconscious.
He placed his left hand over the ARM at his pocket as a cautionary measure; making no effort to conceal his increasingly aggressive magic aura. Rolan’s smile turned apologetic, but he didn’t budge on his intention to stay by Alviss’ side for longer, which showed on his own aura. They only restrained themselves as to not be so strong they awakened Alviss’ comrades; this would not be a physical battle, but a psychological one.
…Or so Alviss thought, as Rolan suddenly cut off his magic power and took a step back. He waved in dismissal, still ever so overbearingly sunny in his attitude; Alviss was now preparing to use Sealing Skull to prevent getting caught off guard if worst came to worst.
“Y’know, if we got in a fight now, t-things would get ugly” said Rolan in an attempt to change the direction they were heading in “P-phantom would never forgive me if something were to happen!”
At hearing that name Alviss clicked his tongue. “And what good would his favor bring you anyways?” He did know the answer deep in his heart, but admitting it was another thing completely. And Rolan kept smiling, staring at him with those curious eyes as if he meant to dig deep into his soul.
“Just give it time, Alviss… I don’t d-doubt one day you will understand us… Understand him.”
“Enough! I don’t… I won’t join your side, ever” Alviss cried out, his patience worn out “I will die before I’m cursed to spend eternity with that man!”
“Is that so…”
Rolan’s smile died, his face hardened. His eyes turned to gaze at the moon, to admire it over the clear night sky. He didn’t show signs of leaving anytime soon, exasperating Alviss further. Given the circumstances, he wasn’t likely to do any harm, yet his presence alone made him feel sick in more ways that he could name.
“Well, fine. I’ll humor you-”
Rolan’s face beamed once again.
“-But only for tonight. From tomorrow on take your night walking somewhere else, you hear me?”
“You’re s-so mean, Alviss!” said Rolan, giggling despite his accusation and sitting down on the tile rooftop with him. “I’ve n-never had a friend my age before, so this is…”
His voice trailed off and the tile felt cold under Alviss’ hands. He didn’t dare to look at the moon the way Rolan did. Too many ill feelings attached to it for him to find beauty on it anymore. But the other boy’s eyes were mesmerized by it once again, like a child to a loving parent. Alviss’ hand grasped the fabric of his jacket in a reflex, and he opted to stare at the greenery in the distance, hazy as it was.
Silence fell heavy between them once again, but the knot in Alviss’ chest lessened enough for him to breathe the peace in the air; a complete contrast from the daytime. He looked over at Rolan, silent and hugging his knees with his face rested on them, eyes still fixated at the moon.
What topic could they even talk about? Putting aside the war, they had nothing in common despite their same age. Alviss had no idea just what was it that Rolan counted as hanging out or making friends. The idea of him easily befriending Bell and the Princess crossed his mind; if only they had been on the same side…
He had to admit, much to his own grief, that a small part of him wanted to genuinely befriend him, and had he allowed himself to, imagine ways to make him deflect to their side; it just didn’t seem fair that it couldn’t be the both of them against that man. In a way, they were both alone in the fight, even if Rolan’s position meant that he had already given it up before it started.
It was Rolan who talked first, asking how Bell was doing. From there on they carefully continued talking about minor inconsequential matters, and with lapses of quiet in between. Alviss lost track of time, his back relaxing before he realized it.
And when he finally laughed, he felt the cold tiles against the back of his head like a whiplash, remembering who each of them were and the reason they weren’t friends. He quickly got up and ignored the itch on all his body asking for more of the other boy’s words; ignored the longing for a touch that was not mediated with swords but with laughter.
“You should get going now.” He said, his voice cold once again. He would not go downstairs until he was truly alone now.
Rolan got up painfully slowly and muttering something about it being a pity their time was cut short.
“I don’t want to hear it!” Alviss pointed at the sky frantically.
But before he could say something else, his foot got caught on a loose tile, slipping backwards and down to the ground.
And then, before he could begin to scream, Rolan’s hand caught his own, and they were suspended in midair for a moment.
Short as it was, Alviss saw wings fully extended. Framed against the moon, Rolan looked more beautiful he could find words for. His face filled with worry as he helped him on the rooftop again, and he was still so beautiful it wasn’t until Rolan shook him that he realized he was being asked if he was alright.
It would have been nice to feel his hands on his arms for longer.
Alviss didn’t fully remember the next few moments, other than Rolan saying something about not having to fly, and instead just leaving trough Andarta when he was sure Alviss was fine. And he wasn’t, but that was his own problem, Alviss assured himself.
With both his insides and his skin burning more than ever, Alviss put himself into bed and wished he had stayed in there to begin with, for he wouldn’t sleep for what was left of the night, instead failing to forget all that happened under the moonlight.