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On this day in early August, Connor stayed home. He stayed home and paced the bathroom and even yelled at his sister this morning. He thought he was getting better, he thought he'd broken his habit of being an absolute shit to everyone he cared about.
Turns out he hasn't yet.
Its about all Connor can do to sit and tug at his hair and pace around and around because he couldn't sit still and his mind was absolutely racing at everything and finally he just slid down the wall and let the tears flow.
"God damnit,"He cursed, voice breaking.
His thoughts turned to Evan and what he always said, about how recovery took time. On days when Connor has breakdowns like this he would always come over and calm him down, no matter what kind of shit Connor did to blow off steam. Chunk a soda bottle at the wall? Unfazed. Aggrivatedly sketch a dreary old forest? Unfazed. Literally pour all of his emotions out until he fell asleep on Evan's shoulder? Unfazed.
So Connor texted him, knowing he was in class, and waited from his spot on the bathroom floor, wishing for his phone to vibrate on the floor in front of him.
Connor didn't realize it was an hour before Evan texted back, telling him he'd be on his way after classes ended, which was in about three hours for him. The text was scrambled like always, Evan's shakey hands getting in the way of him properly texting most of the time. It was sort of adorable in a way.
When Connor finally managed to get himself up, he turned on the faucet, rolled up his sleeves, and tried his best to ignore the array of scars literring his forearms as he washed his face.
Then he began brainstorming ways to apologize to Zoe. Only one thing came to mind and it was sort of stupid, but he had four hours to pull it off, one of those with Evan's company.
It was gonna be a stretch.
Connor booked it to Zoe's bedroom, pulling a small box labeled memories out from under her bed. Inside was an array of things, photos, notes, a small pin with the bi flag on it, etcetera. On the bottom, he found what he was looking for, and put everything back in place.
Then he set off to work.
By the time Evan arrived, Connor was covered in paint, small smears on his face, jacket, and pants. Hell, he even had some in his hair according to the newly present Evan. It didn't really matter though, because everything was almost finished. All he had to do now was add little details. Shadows, silver linings, you know, the finishing up parts of a painting.
Evan just sat, admiring Connor's work with a lopsided grin. Every now and again Connor would catch his eye, smirk and go right back to what he was doing.
In the end, they'd managed to hang it on the back of Zoe's door just before she got home.
Connor and Evan shared a high five when they heard the elated gasp come from the next room over. Zoe barged in only a couple seconds later, lightly shoving Evan to the side and pulling Connor into a tight, Murphy-style hug.
"You asshole!"Zoe said this with no malice, a smile decorating her face. "Did you really-"
"Rummage through your personal space to get a drawing I did for you years ago just so I could transfer it onto canvas as an apology for being a piece of shit?"Connor chuckled as Zoe hit his shoulder a bit harder than she'd shoved Evan. "Yeah, I did."
They're quiet for a moment, the three of them all sharing a look along the lines of "wow, this is real life!" Then Connor took a deep breath and very subtly placed his hand next to Evan's, brushing their fingers together to calm himself.
"Hey, look,"He caught Zoe's attention, feeling Evan slowly clasp his hand. "I know I'm an ass literally all the time. I'm not a great brother. I haven't been for years, and I guess...I guess I'm sorry. I know it's hard to rebuild the family we had when we were kids, but I'm trying."
"Connor,"Zoe pauses. "You know it can't be the same, right?"
"Yeah, I know,"Connor looks dejected for a moment, fearing his sister's rejection.
"But we can try, right?"She smiles, then pulls the both of them into a hug, ruffling Evan's hair while she does.
They're all suddenly laughing and Connor's crying too but none of them care. Zoe only ditches them when she gets a call from Alana just before Connor hears their mom open the door downstairs.
Connor's still crying, just overwhelmed with what a rollercoaster today's been, and Evan just wraps him in a tight hug.
"I-I'm so p-proud of you, Connor,"Evan whispers a few minutes later, smiling uncontrollably as he fidgets.
"Yeah, I'm..."Connor has to pause a wipe his nose on his sleeve, chuckling at the grossed out look Evan momentarily shoots him. "I'm proud of me too."