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When Seokjin blinks awake slowly in the morning, he feels a warmth pressed along his back that definitely wasn’t there when he went to sleep.
He doesn’t really have to turn around to know that it’s Taehyung, but he wants to do it anyway, thinks about shifting as delicately as possible to observe Taehyung’s peaceful, sleeping face. The long legs tucked up against his own and the soft hair brushing against the back of his neck are familiar enough that he relaxes further into every point of connection between their bodies. Seokjin’s lost count of how many times he’s woken up this way.
He doesn’t really know when it started, but he knows that Taehyung has been sleeping in his bed for what feels like ages.
Even when they were all sharing the same room, with beds barely big enough for one person, Seokjin would frequently wake up to a clingy Taehyung early in the morning. He didn’t mind at all though since he’s always been particularly fond of Taehyung. They share similar interests and can talk about anything really, serious or not. For Seokjin, Taehyung had been a steady presence and a reliable friend during their trainee days and their time of debut.
And then, somewhere along the line, Seokjin’s feelings towards Taehyung had changed.
It had happened slowly, for a multitude of reasons that ranged from more personal conversations while curled up on the couch together late at night, to more private smiles being sent each other's way. Seokjin remembers trying for weeks to attribute the tightness in his chest to anything other than the way Taehyung would pull him closer with an arm across his shoulders and his nose pressed into the crook of Seokjin’s neck. After a while, he just couldn’t deny it anymore.
A few seconds later, Seokjin hears Taehyung grumble something unintelligibly, and he knows that the other has been roused from his deep sleep. Seokjin feels a small smile settle on his face.
“Seokjin-hyung, why are you awake? It’s so early,” Taehyung slurs, voice thick with sleep but still bearing such a tone of fondness that Seokjin’s heart squeezes in his chest.
Taehyung’s hand creeps under his shirt, skating over his stomach before settling on his waist. Seokjin feels warm at his touch even though Taehyung’s hands are ice-cold.
Now that's he's awake, Seokjin doesn't think he'll be able to go back to sleep. Particularly now that he can feel hunger creeping its way into his very empty stomach. He tries to ignore it for as long as possible, enjoying Taehyung’s presence at his back, his firm chest pressed up right against Seokjin’s spine. When his stomach lets out a very loud rumble, he thinks vaguely to himself that he should probably get some food into his body.
“Taehyung, let me up, I want to eat breakfast,” Seokjin mumbles, tapping at Taehyung’s arm around his waist.
“Hyung,” Taehyung sighs, “can't you wait a couple more minutes?” The hand at Seokjin’s waist begins rubbing circles into his stomach, as if trying to quell the hunger. Seokjin acquiesces. It's not like he's that keen to get out of bed anyway. He likes lazing in bed when he has the time. That said, he also likes breakfast. But for the moment, he stays where he is, ensconced in his blankets with Taehyung. Breakfast can wait.
Or, maybe not. Seokjin reaches over into the drawer of his bedside table and grabs a granola bar from his stash of food. Behind him, he swears he can hear Taehyung’s wide-mouthed smile spreading over his face.
“You're so cute, Seokjin-hyung,” he says sincerely.
Seokjin just laughs, savouring the fluttering in his stomach, and passes half of the granola bar to Taehyung.
*******
Seokjin has been lying awake in bed, flat on his back, struggling to fall asleep for about two hours. It’s just one of those nights when sleep won’t come to him despite how exhausted he feels.
Exhausted isn't even quite the word to describe it. Seokjin just feels drained. They filmed another VLIVE today, he, Jimin and Jungkook. Naturally, it devolved into the chaotic bickering, slapping and general nonsense that ensues when the three of them are together. He won't deny how much fun he had while they were filming, but he feels like all his energy has been sapped and he's just lying there in bed, exhausted.
Jungkook had called him old probably five times in the broadcast, and Seokjin had indignantly denied it each time. Now he's really feeling it, which is annoying as hell because there is no way he's going to let Jungkook have the satisfaction of being right.
Taehyung had once said that Seokjin was at a blooming age. Right now though, he feels more like he's wilting.
So, he’s scrolling mindlessly on his phone, hoping for a wave of sleep to tide him over, when the door to his room creaks open slowly.
Seokjin thinks offhandedly how odd it is, that even with so little light and his terrible eyesight, he can still identify Taehyung’s back lit figure in the doorway. Something akin to relief floods him as Taehyung quietly shuts the door behind him and creeps over to Seokjin’s bed.
Taehyung pulls the corner of the blanket back and climbs in, lying on his side to face Seokjin.
Seokjin puts his phone away and shifts from lying on his back to his side, mirroring Taehyung’s position and watching his face carefully. Taehyung watches him back.
He’s never been awake to witness Taehyung slipping into bed beside him so Seokjin feels compelled to say something, to comment on this routine, to ask Taehyung questions that no one would want to answer at two in the morning.
“You couldn’t sleep either?”, he asks lightly, in lieu of all the other questions he has for Taehyung. He’ll save those for another time.
Taehyung murmurs, “I could.”
It sounds like there’s more he wants to say, so Seokjin waits, but Taehyung doesn’t elaborate.
Taehyung has this incredible ability to to read Seokjin’s mood from his facial expression only. He's noticed it several times, that Taehyung knows just when to back off and when to wheedle him further. Seokjin has a good amount of restraint and isn't a fan of showcasing his emotions, especially when he's upset, so he tries to behave normally and show no indication that anything’s amiss. He thinks that he does a pretty damn good job of it himself, but Taehyung always manages to see through it. And he’ll never bring it up either, he’ll just be exactly what Seokjin needs in that very moment.
He hopes he can do the same for Taehyung, who seems a bit subdued, more so than one would normally be at this early hour of the morning. Seokjin pokes him a couple of times in the chest and then leaves his hand to rest on Taehyung’s shoulder, fingers running over his collarbones. Taehyung’s loose, ragged sleep shirts leave a lot of his tanned, warm skin open to Seokjin’s cold, greedy fingers.
“I'm just tired, hyung,” Taehyung says finally. “We’ve been practicing and practicing and I feel like I've barely even had time to think, or process anything that's happened in the last week.”
Seokjin thinks carefully about what exactly Taehyung needs to hear. In the end, it's simple.
“I know.” He squeezes Taehyung’s shoulder. “But we’re all here to support you, to support each other, right?”
Taehyung’s expression lightens a bit, and his lips twitch up at the corners.
“And I'm here,” Seokjin blurts out. “Always.”
The firmness in his voice takes them both by surprise. Seokjin feels an abashed laugh bubble up in his throat, and Taehyung looks a little too pleased.
Taehyung gives Seokjin’s face a quick glance over, then hesitantly inches forward, taking Seokjin’s hands from his shoulders and holding them lightly.
“Hyung, I wanted to say-”
Taehyung's voice breaks off for a second so Seokjin tilts his head, encouraging him to continue.
“I could sleep,” he says softly. “I just wanted to sleep here. With you.”
It's seems like a confession bigger than what either of them are ready for at the moment, but nevertheless, it leaves Seokjin feeling a comfortable happiness blooming in his core. He's also extremely lost for words because it’s said so earnestly and simply, but for Seokjin, the words carry lots of weight about things they have never talked about. There’s such honesty threaded into every word, that Seokjin ducks his head and squeezes Taehyung’s hand, unable to give a response any way but wordlessly.
They lie there in comfortable silence for a few moments, both tired but not quite ready for sleep.
Seokjin brings their joined hands to rest between their bodies and scoots closer to Taehyung.
Taehyung seems to take that as a cue to start talking. “Seokjin-hyung, you were so funny in yesterday’s V-live,” he whispers, “and so handsome as always. I’ve watched it twice already.”
“Taehyung, you’re too kind,” Seokjin responds, and really means it. Taehyung never hesitates to compliment him and showers him with so much affection, can always make him smile somehow.
Taehyung continues on, chattering quietly about other videos he’d been watching in the evening.
Seokjin is so endeared that he feels himself move closer and closer to Taehyung with every word, eventually tucking his feet between Taehyung’s legs and touching their foreheads together.
Taehyung whines. “Hyung, your feet are so cold.” As he says this though, he presses his lower legs more tightly over Seokjin’s feet.
“Good thing I have you to warm me up then.”
Taehyung snuggles further into the blanket and Seokjin does the same, letting his eyes fall shut too. In his mind, he goes over all the ways their bodies meet: their foreheads lightly touching, their hands clasped on the mattress and their legs tangled together.
Seokjin drifts off soon after with those thoughts running through his mind.
*******
A few nights later, Seokjin comes into his room to find Taehyung already flopped on his bed, looking incredibly sleepy. Seokjin blinks a few times from where he’s standing in the doorway and looks to Yoongi’s side of the room. Yoongi, who’s messing with his phone and listening to something through his headphones, gives him a meaningful look and tilts his head questioningly in the direction of Seokjin’s bed.
Seokjin narrows his eyes at him and shakes his head slightly. They have a stare-off for a solid thirty seconds before Yoongi rolls his eyes and goes back to looking at his phone.
He turns back towards his own bed and sees Taehyung staring at him in confusion.
“Telepathy,” Seokjin says simply.
He heads to his cupboard to grab his pyjamas and a face towel, and makes his way out of the room, towards the bathroom. Seokjin chuckles to himself as he hears a slight creaking from the bed and hurried footsteps trailing after him.
Seokjin goes about his routine and Taehyung does the same. The only time he really stops to think about it is as Taehyung is brushing his teeth and Seokjin is applying toner to his face.
Taehyung is staring tiredly into the mirror, fluffy headband holding his hair back and a trail of toothpaste stuck to his chin. He’s the most beautiful thing Seokjin has ever seen.
He continues watching as Taehyung spits into the sink and rinses his mouth, only looking away when Taehyung catches his eyes in the mirror and grins lazily.
“Hyung, I’m tired,” Taehyung complains, with a hint of mischief in his voice. “Carry me to bed?”
“In your dreams, Taehyung.”
Taehyung murmurs, “Oh, for sure,” which Seokjin generously pretends not to hear.
They head back to the room in silence after washing up, Taehyung clinging to Seokjin like a limpet. He’s clearly on the verge of falling asleep, so Seokjin tugs him along to his bed, pointedly ignoring Yoongi’s raised eyebrows as he passes by.
Seokjin turns the lights off as Taehyung crawls into bed, and then lies down next to him. For the next few minutes, Taehyung moves around restlessly, seemingly unable to find a comfortable position. Seokjin knows Taehyung, understands him so well that he can easily acknowledge one of the main reasons Taehyung consistently climbs into his bed.
Basically, Seokjin is fairly sure that Taehyung feels the same way about him as he feels about Taehyung.
They’ve never explicitly talked about it. In fact they’ve never so much as mentioned it to each
other, but somehow, Seokjin is quite sure.
He’s seen it in the way the other members see them . Namjoon’s eyes softening when he spots the two of them watching anime together, Jimin and Jungkook’s ridiculous expressions and waggling eyebrows directed their way during vocal line practices, Hoseok’s fond smile while watching them talk quietly at the dining table, and of course, Yoongi’s forceless whining every time he wakes up to Taehyung in their room.
It’s all so telling, and there’s no one Seokjin trusts more than the five of them about something like this. If they can see it, it means that there’s really something there, between him and Taehyung, and Seokjin isn’t just imagining the way Taehyung’s breath gets heavier when Seokjin sends him a soft smile, meant just for him.
Seokjin knows there’s a lot more to Taehyung coming to his bed almost every night than just needing a cuddle buddy, but it just goes unsaid.
To soothe Taehyung’s restlessness, Seokjin reaches out and tugs him over, bringing his head to rest on Seokjin’s shoulder and his arm to lay across Seokjin’s middle.
Taehyung lets out a pleased noise and cuddles closer.
Seokjin falls asleep like that, pins and needles in his arm from where it’s half-under Taehyung’s body and nose twitching from Taehyung’s soft hair in his face.
He’s incredibly comfortable anyway.
*******
For the past few weeks, Taehyung has either already been in Seokjin’s bed when he returned to the room, or enters the room shortly after Seokjin does, which means they've been falling asleep together every night. Which means Seokjin has kind of gotten used to falling asleep with Taehyung’s lanky body curled up next to him.
Now, it's 1am and there's no sign of Taehyung. Seokjin had walked into an empty room two hours or so ago, but at that point, he wasn't concerned. Yoongi had texted him to say that he'd be back by midnight, and he knew Taehyung would show up at some point. But long after even Yoongi had come into the room, Taehyung still hadn't.
Seokjin knows this thing with Taehyung has spiralled into a possibility he'd never entertained before. Looking back on it, there's always been something different about his relationship with Taehyung, something softer, something more intrinsic, which has turned into a mess of feelings that Seokjin doesn't know how to control. Not that he even wants to control it anymore. Taehyung makes him happy, makes him feel all warm and gooey on the inside. It's been a long time since someone's made him feel that way.
Seokjin decides to go about his routine as usual, getting ready for bed with the minor change of doing everything really slowly. Maybe Taehyung just needs a little more time and will be there soon. After extending his night routine from a timed 8 minutes to 20 minutes, Taehyung still hasn't shown up.
He rearranges the figures on his shelf a couple of times, fixes the position of the rug on his floor, smooths out his blankets and even fluffs his pillow for good measure.
“Hyung,” Yoongi calls.
Seokjin peeks around the shelf separating their sides. “Yeah?”
“Just go look for him. I know you want to,” Yoongi says, exasperated. “All your stalling isn't going to make Taehyung show up any faster.”
Seokjin scratches his face, embarrassed. “Right,” he laughs awkwardly. It's a reasonable idea. He's tired. He wants to sleep. The faster he finds Taehyung, the faster he'll be able to sleep. Thus, he should go find Taehyung.
He shuffles to the door. “Thanks, Yoongi.”
“Sure, hyung. They don't call me a genius for nothing,” Yoongi responds, his voice serious, using that full-of-shit tone of his. Seokjin scoffs and leaves the room.
The dorm is quiet as he makes his way over to the room Taehyung shares with Namjoon. He carefully opens the door and with the light of Taehyung’s bedside lamp to guide him, tiptoes over to where Taehyung’s bed is. He then sees Taehyung, splayed out on his bed, arms clutching a pillow tightly to his chest. He looks peaceful and so young in his sleep that Seokjin doesn't want to accidentally wake him, but he also can't resist the urge to reach out and touch.
Seokjin sits himself lightly on the bed, one leg hanging off the side and the other crossed delicately on the mattress. He strokes Taehyung's head, smoothing his messy hair down, and once it's neater, combs his hair through the silky brown strands.
Taehyung stirs a few moments later and Seokjin instantly stills his hand.
Taehyung groans quietly, “Why did you stop?”
“I didn't mean to wake you up,” Seokjin murmurs back, and resumes petting Taehyung’s head with slow motions. “I came because I was wondering where my bed’s most loyal resident was.”
Taehyung’s eyes fly open. “Sorry, hyung. I was playing games with Jungkook and I just fell asleep.”
“Don't be silly, you don't need to be sorry for sleeping in your own bed for once,” Seokjin teases, pushing Taehyung’s hair up and out of his face, then moving his hand to rub Taehyung’s arm soothingly. The gentle touches seem to be lulling him back to sleep, so Seokjin makes to stand up and leave Taehyung be, but before he can fully get up, he feels long fingers wrap around his wrist and hold him back.
Seokjin turns around and is pulled back down to sit on the edge of Taehyung’s bed again.
“Stay,” Taehyung says. “Just sleep here, Seokjin-hyung.”
He doesn’t say anything in response, but instantly, Seokjin is convinced, knows he can't say no to Taehyung.
He's stroking his thumb against Seokjin’s wrist and Seokjin is certain that Taehyung can hear the awkward thump his heart does in his chest. He looks at Seokjin through his eyelashes, expression soft and a little bit shy too, and instantly, Seokjin knows that he would give Taehyung the world if he asked for it. if Taehyung so much as even mentioned wanting to see a shooting star, Seokjin would reach up to the skies and make sure all the stars in the universe came raining down for him.
And as Seokjin moves to slip under the covers, he expects Taehyung to just curl an arm around him and try to sleep.
Instead, he feels Taehyung’s hand brush along the arm that isn’t pressed against the bed, wandering until it finds Seokjin’s hand tucked underneath a pillow. Taehyung clutches Seokjin’s fingers and brings his hand towards his mouth. Seokjin scarcely manages to breathe as Taehyung presses a gentle kiss to the palm of his hand.
He swallows audibly. Taehyung huffs out a laugh and moves Seokjin’s hand down to his chest, pressing it down firmly over his heart. Seokjin is flustered and as such, it takes him a few moments to notice that Taehyung’s heart is beating rapidly, almost matching the pace of Seokjin’s racing heart.
For a brief second, fear seizes him as Taehyung leans closer. They absolutely should not be doing this. Seokjin’s imagined this, them , together, so many times, vivid scenes playing out in his head, but never bothered to think about about any consequences. And suddenly, in the blink of an eye, everything that could possibly go wrong becomes apparent him.
Also, Seokjin is a worrier. Always has been, probably always will be. He’s prone to sudden onset moments of stress and anxiety.
Almost as if reading his mind, Taehyung says, “Hyung, just- don’t think about that right now. Let yourself have this, okay?”
So Seokjin just nods ever so slightly because he really does want this, wants Taehyung more than he can even describe with words.
He wants more than to just let it happen though, and leans the rest of the way forward to kiss Taehyung. It’s short, sweet and very gentle but Seokjin still feels a bit giddy and lightheaded from the delicate brush of Taehyung’s lips against his own.
Seokjin pulls back and takes a moment to admire Taehyung’s face, running the tips of his fingers over the slight blush on Taehyung’s cheeks. And, because he can’t resist it, he trails kisses along the place his fingers had just been.
Taehyung gently closes his eyes as Seokjin’s lips glide over his cheekbones. His soft, nervous breaths fan across Seokjin’s collarbone, slowly growing more even with each passing second.
Eventually, once they’ve only slightly pulled away from each other, laid out on Taehyung’s pillows with noses touching, their bodies finally give in to the throes of sleep.
In the morning, Seokjin’s eyes shoot open for some unknown reason. He suspects it has something to do with last night’s events and his brain over thinking things as usual.
Seokjin lies there in bed, with a koala-like Taehyung attached to him, brain running a mile a minute as he blinks himself more firmly awake.
It's stupid, and he knows that with Taehyung he doesn't really have to worry about anything, so he stays there breathing deeply for a few moments, before extracting himself from Taehyung’s grasp and heading straight to the bathroom to freshen up.
As Seokjin makes his way through his morning routine, everything uncomplicates itself in his head. At the end of the day, things with Taehyung are easy, as they always have been. They have feelings for each other and it's as simple as that.
Seokjin is patting his face dry with a towel, feeling calm and awake, when Taehyung stumbles into the bathroom looking addled with sleep. He wraps his arms around Seokjin’s middle and nuzzles his face into the space between Seokjin’s shoulder blades.
“I wasn't expecting you up yet,” Seokjin says truthfully, but he's definitely not complaining.
Taehyung hums. “Cuddles.”
Seokjin can't help but giggle. Taehyung is so cute in the morning. Any time of the day, really, but he's particularly sweet just after he's woken up.
Taehyung moves his head to rest his chin on Seokjin’s shoulder. In the mirror, Seokjin sees that Taehyung’s squinting his eyes like the bathroom lights are too bright and twitching his nose cutely.
Seokjin turns his face towards Taehyung, neck twinging a little at the awkward angle, and presses a chaste kiss to the corner of Taehyung’s mouth.
That seems to wake Taehyung up instantly, which Seokjin notes for future reference. Taehyung can be incredibly difficult to get out of bed.
The hands that were around Seokjin’s stomach turn him around so that his chest is pressed right against Taehyung’s.
“You know, I thought cuddles were the best way to start the day,” Taehyung says, his morning voice raspy and deeper than usual. It makes Seokjin’s nerve endings feel like they're on fire.
“But?”
He knows exactly where Taehyung is going with this but wants to hear him say it anyway.
“But,” Taehyung continues, thumbing over Seokjin’s hip bones, “I think kisses are even better.”
Seokjin nods as he leans forward, one hand reaching up to rub the back of Taehyung’s neck and the other settling on his waist. “I most certainly agree,” he breathes into Taehyung’s mouth.
Everything Seokjin was worried about earlier flies out the window as they kiss, and he can barely focus on anything else as their mouths slot together over and over again.
When they finally separate, Taehyung looks away shyly, a small pleased smile on his face, and Seokjin just grins like a fool. He’d spent so much time putting things off or pretending that nothing would ever happen between the two of them, and in hindsight it all seems so silly.
The edge of the bathroom counter digs into his lower back as Seokjin settles his weight more firmly against it. He circles his arms loosely around Taehyung’s waist and tucks his face into Taehyung’s neck. Seokjin places a light kiss there, against Taehyung’s pulse. His fingers toy with the soft cotton of Taehyung’s shirt and he lets himself enjoy this moment he never thought he’d get to have.
You are allowed to have this, Seokjin tells himself. This is a good thing.
He lifts his head a little to look at Taehyung and smiles. A very good thing indeed.