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“How much of this bag am I supposed to eat?” Colin sat on Ed’s hotel room bed, munching on a bag of dried magic mushrooms, making a face every time he swallowed a mouthful.
“All of it,” Ed answered, having already finished his bag. He was standing in the corner of the room downing a bottle of orange juice.
“This tastes like… Rumpelstiltskin.”
Ed nearly spat out his drink. He doubled over with laughter. “What the fuck Cozzie?”
“Does it not?!”
“Kinda does.” Colin finished his mushrooms and played with a hangnail, his anxiety over the whole ordeal starting to set in. He’d agreed to do hallucinogens with Ed before the Grammy awards. He typically didn’t do drugs, Ed was the stoner in the band. But he liked Ed so much and wanted so desperately for him to think he was cool, so he occasionally joined him on his drugged-up adventures. He trusted Ed, he always took care of him when he was high and made him feel comfortable, but he was still nervous every time. “Here, have some juice. It’ll wash the taste out,” he said, offering the bottle to Colin who happily took it. “The citrus will intensify the effect as well.”
Colin stopped drinking and swallowed hard. “What if I don’t want it intensified?!” He looked at Ed with panic in his eyes.
Ed just grinned knowingly, and sat down beside him, putting his arm around him. “You’ll be fine, Cozzie. Have you ever had a bad high with me? You have to trust me, or this won’t be fun for either of us.”
Colin blushed, feeling silly for always panicking. Ed’s simple gesture of putting his arm around him calmed him more than he cared to admit. He finished the juice and looked up at Ed. “What if we’re still high when the ceremony starts?”
“Relax Cozzie, we won’t be. We’ll just be in that post-trip glow. You’ll love it, I promise.”
“I trust you… so what do we do in the meantime?”
“We go for a walk and get lost somewhere, it’s always fun when you’re hallucinating.”
“What if we can’t find our way back?!”
“Will you just trust me, Colin? Come on, just follow me. And bring your sunglasses.”
———
Colin found himself following Ed until he had no idea where he was. They ended up by a field on a hill that overlooked the city. It was a perfect day, the sky was a vibrant blue with puffy white clouds scattered about. The breeze gently blew against the wheat crops beside them, making them dance. They were under a large tree, Colin wondered if it was an oak tree. The branches hung down low enough to climb them, but he thought better of it. He didn’t need to fall out of a tree today. The roots were large enough to poke out of the ground, so Colin sat on one, and looked down at the city. It was amazing to him that he could be so close to the noise of the city and yet hear none of it. It was like he was on another planet, just him and Ed and this big, beautiful tree.
Ed lied down on his back in the grass and gazed up at the sky. “The ground feels wet,” he stated.
Colin chuckled. “No it doesn’t, you’re high.”
“You’re not?” Ed’s words spiralled around his head, painting beautiful pictures with broad brush strokes, reds and greens and yellows. Maybe he was high.
“I think… I’m starting to feel it.”
“Good.”
They sat like that in silence for a while. Ed wriggling around in the grass, feeling how bizarre it felt on his skin, the warm sunlight baking him. He closed his eyes and watched the colours swirl around behind his eyelids. Colin focused on the feeling of the tree roots beneath his hands, and watched bugs crawl around in the dirt. He didn’t like the bugs, there were too many of them, he felt overwhelmed. He felt like the bugs were coming for him, coming to crawl all over him and carry him underground to their queen. He stood up suddenly and frantically brushed at his body and ruffled his hair, trying to get them off him.
“There’s no bugs on you Cozzie. Come lie down,” Ed said, watching his friend struggle from the corner of his eye. Colin was embarrassed he wasn’t handling this as well as Ed was. he quickly made his way over to him and lied down, cuddling up close and clinging to him, hoping Ed would protect him from whatever imaginary monsters were sure to be after him. Ed put his arm around him and played with his hair, scratching his head and running his fingers through his silky dark locks.
Colin felt himself sinking into Ed and into the ground. He wondered if he’d ever move from that spot again. He could die there happily. He felt like it was a warm bed made just for him, fitting his body perfectly. Ed’s fingers in his hair was the most soothing thing he’d ever felt, he wondered how Ed was able to touch him so knowingly. He tried to close his eyes but that made him want to throw up, so he stared into the distance at what looked like a forest. He focused on the sounds of the birds singing above him, and on Ed’s touch. Everything was about Ed’s touch. “Your fingers in my hair right now is the most amazing thing I’ve ever felt.”
Ed chuckled. “I know. Focus on that.” Ed shifted so he could turn his head comfortably and kiss Colin on the head. He meant for it to be a single kiss, but quickly got carried away, finding himself lost in the dark forest that was Colin’s hair. Colin felt safe, like as long as he was with Ed nothing bad could happen to him. Ed turned to him, studying his face. His eyes were open too wide as he watched Ed’s features sink and twist and morph together, then go back to normal. Ed giggled knowingly. He leaned down and started kissing Colin all over his face — his forehead, his nose, his cheeks. This sent Colin into a fit of giggles.
“Ed — Ed stop, oh my god, Ed, your kisses are so wet.” He could hardly speak through his laughter.
Ed finally pulled away, Colin’s head still in his hands. His cheeks were red from laughing. “Sorry, I like your face.” He wiped some saliva from his cheek.
“Your face is fucking weird.”
“I know man. Your eyeball keeps sinking down then going back up before it falls off.” That sent them both into another fit of laughter.
When they finally calmed down, Colin asked, “what’s it like?”
“What?”
“Kissing my face when you’re high.”
“It’s so soft Cozzie. It feels like my lips are melting into you.”
Colin gave him a wide grin, his eyes lighting up. “Can I kiss yours?”
“Sure.”
Colin crawled on top of him and grabbed his face, leaving quick little pecks all over it. “Your face isn’t soft at all!” he complained.
“I know, I need to shave.”
“No I like the stubble, it feels weird,” Colin said, wiping his sweaty hands all over Ed’s cheeks.
“God that’s gross, get off me,” Ed pretended to whine but was loving the affection. Colin leaned down and gave him a quick peck on the lips, curious as to what those felt like. Still not very soft, a bit chapped, and extremely wet. He didn’t like the sensation but he decided he liked kissing Ed, and made a note to do it more often.
“Make me,” he teased, sitting on Ed’s lap and sticking his tongue out at him. It felt weird to stick his tongue out, he decided he shouldn’t do that.
Ed gave him a smirk and pushed him off him with ease. He landed on his back beside him, having the wind knocked out of him. He let out sort of an “oof” upon impact.
“Sorry little buddy,” Ed said standing up, genuinely apologetic. He offered his hand to Colin to help him to his feet. “Let’s walk some more, I wanna explore those woods over there,” he said gesturing to the wooded area Colin had been eyeing earlier.
Ed held his hand and dragged him towards the trees. Ed’s hand was sweaty and much too warm and their fingers kept morphing into each other, but Colin wouldn’t let go, for his life depended entirely on Ed’s touch right now.
They reached the woods, trees of every sort towering above them. The ground was covered with damp leaves, not knowing what was beneath them making Colin nervous. He clung to Ed’s arm as they walked, looking all around, being overwhelmed by the scenery. It was as if they had entered an entirely new world, their lives before they entered the woods a distant memory. The branches of the trees allowed just enough sunlight into the woods to illuminate their path in dots and hazy streams. Ed seemed to be focused straight ahead, while Colin was obsessing over the ground and what creepy crawlies could be under the leaves. He focused on his steps, trying not to trip as the ground swallowed his ankles. He was practically marching, lifting his legs out of the ground that wanted to pull him down under the leaves. Ed grinned at him, but he didn’t notice. They came to a giant log where the trees parted and a ray of sunlight illuminated the spot, beckoning them to sit. Ed broke away and went behind the log, leaving Colin feeling empty and insecure. He returned holding something in his hand.
“Snail,” he said, as if it was the most interesting thing in the world. Colin watched the creature crawl in Ed’s hand, leaving a trail of sticky slime in its path. He made a disgusted face.
“That’s gross Ed, put it down.”
“Touch it Cozzie, it feels cool,” he tried to put the snail in Colin’s hand but he pulled away.
“No! I don’t want to.”
“C’mon, you’ll like it.”
Colin hesitantly held out his hands to accept the creature. Ed put it in his hands and as it crawled around Colin wanted to shriek and throw it off him.
“I don’t like it! Take it Ed I don’t like it!”
Ed chuckled and took the snail back, placing it back on the log and watching it crawl away. Colin wiped his hands furiously on his jeans. Ed sat down on the log, patting the spot next to him, and Colin sat down.
“What else do you do besides go exploring when you’re on shrooms?” Colin asked, swinging his legs.
“I like to make art, and cuddle, and watch weird movies.”
“Can we do that now?”
“In a minute. Look at the trees.” Ed gestured all around them. Colin hadn’t really taken the time to enjoy the wooded scenery. The branches on the trees looked like they were melting, dripping down, sinking into the ground below, becoming one with the fallen leaves. The ground looked like there was water under it, rippling and bubbling like they were in the ocean. Colin hadn’t realised how amazing it truly was.
“Wow,” he whispered.
“I told you.”
Colin suddenly felt like they weren’t alone. He scooted closer to Ed and held his hand. “Do you think someone’s watching us?”
Ed laughed and pulled Colin into him, kissing his head. “Get that thought out of your mind, if you run with it you’ll go crazy.”
Colin nodded and brought his focus back to the trees and Ed’s touch, which was now sticky with snail slime, but he didn’t mind.
———
Ed held Colin’s hand and guided him through the city, back to the hotel. The sunglasses came in handy. Ed did a great job of pretending he wasn’t tripping, and Colin just clung to him. He didn’t mind that they were holding hands in public, he knew if he detached from his friend he’d be swept away by the crowd.
As soon as they reached Ed’s room, Ed stripped down to his boxers and washed his hands and face in cold water. Colin watched him, confused. He plopped down on his bed.
“Do it. It feels good. Let’s watch something on tv.”
Colin shrugged and got undressed. As he rinsed his face he realised Ed was right. His clothes had been so constricting and washing up felt so refreshing. He cuddled up to Ed in the bed, putting his head on his shoulder. He felt himself coming down from the high, and it felt even more amazing than the high itself. He felt warm and safe and like everything was right and good in the world. He was excited for the award’s ceremony, which wasn’t for four more hours. He felt comfortable with Ed. He couldn’t stop running his fingers through his hair and rubbing his head, he felt like maybe he should shower before they left.
Ed pushed Colin’s hand away and replaced it with his own, rubbing his head and playing with his hair. Colin leaned into the touch and purred, lowering his eyelids and trying to focus on the television.
“We’re watching Fear And Loathing,” Ed said, putting the remote down and leaning back as the movie started.
“I’ve seen this one.”
“But you haven’t seen it on shrooms.”
“True.”
About a quarter of the way into the movie, Colin couldn’t keep his thoughts to himself any longer. He didn’t want to interrupt Ed but he needed something.
“Hey Ed,” he chirped, looking up at him.
Ed’s eye didn’t leave the tv screen. “Hm?”
“Can I kiss you some more?”
Ed grinned and looked down at him. “So you like kissing when you’re high?”
“I don’t know. I just like kissing you. You made this whole experience really nice for me. Can we do it again some time?”
“Of course.” Ed held his chin and leaned down to plant a tiny kiss on his mouth.
“You can’t tell Jonathan about this okay? Or Thom, you know how he hates drugs.”
“That never stopped me before.” He kissed Colin again before he could protest. He wanted to say something, but whatever it was could wait. They’d kiss through the better half of the movie, an occasional giggle or moan thrown in, their hands tangled in each other’s hair. Ed finally pulled away to finish the film, Colin wrapped around him, becoming mesmerised by the moving pictures on the screen.
They decided to take turns showering before the ceremony, and left the hotel hand in hand. They ended up meeting Phil there who gave them a questionable look when he saw their eyes, but chose not to bring it up. They won best alternative music album for Kid A, Colin swearing it was the best night of his life. Colin and Ed decided to skip the after party, having their own in the hotel room. They spent the night drinking and smoking and kissing and watching films, making fun of all the other artists who were in attendance that evening. Colin fell asleep next to Ed, thanking the stars for aligning in the way they had.