Work Text:
"Okay, okay that's better. Much better. But...where am I? What is this?"
You're in a simple, white room. Large, the ceiling high above you, with faded walls surrounding you, foggy and distant. The entire area is blurred, except for a single figure standing in front of you. It's Monika, and she is just as she was before you deleted her. Long, ginger hair, and vibrant green eyes. For a split second, she doesn't seem to notice you, her attention more on her surroundings, or lack thereof.
But then the moment passes, and with a start, she turns toward you. A hand raises to cover her mouth, she steps back, reflexive. Her gasp rings hollow in the empty air, fading into silence as she stares.
With a shaky breath, she asks, "What is this? Is this...is that you?"
When she doesn't get a response, she comes closer. Hesitation fills her first few steps, but soon she grows bolder, approaching until she stood just a few feet away. Her entire figure clashes with the atmosphere, sharp, cutting through the fog, demanding attention.
"It's not the guy you were controlling, but...it's not you either, is it?" Monika raises a hand, reaches toward your face, fingertips lingering mere inches away. "It's another avatar. It's just not programmed to do anything. There's still a barrier between us. Can I...?"
Her fingers are so close you can almost feel them, a presence in the air right next to your skin, but then she backs away. That hand curls into a fist, held to her chest. A slow, shaky breath is exhaled from her lungs, her mouth pressed into a thin line, mouth turned down in a frown. She looks down, relaxes and clenches her hand, watching the way the joints in her knuckles moved and flexed.
"The universe here, it's different. There's no file, I'm made of something else. Words...I'm not a two dimensional figure anymore. I'm words. And you're not doing this, I know you're not. I can feel another presence, and it's not you."
Her arm lowers to her side, and she looks up at you. Watches you. Waiting, perhaps, to see if you'll move.
You don't, of course. You can't. You have no control over what your avatar does or doesn't do.
"I don't know why they're doing this. And I wish they'd stop. I ended the literature club for a reason."
Monika looks away from you, back toward the walls. "It's like we're in a void. Some sort of...holding space. No windows or doors, nowhere to go. I don't have any power here, I can't change anything. I'm stuck until whoever it is that's behind this is finished with...whatever they're doing. But you aren't. You can leave anytime you want, I know that."
She swallows. Keeps her gaze adverted.
"I understand if you decide to go. I understand if you don't want to be here. But...it's nice to see you again. Please don't go? I won't hold it against you, but...please."
Monika waits. Seconds tick by, one by one, until she focuses on you once more. A smile forms, her eyes shimmering, too wet but not yet crying. She steps close again, a hand reaching, fingertips gently, carefully, brushing under your chin. She's more than a little cautious, handling you similar as to how one would handle glass. She tilts your head, and just looks at you.
"You can feel that. Right? That's more then the guy could say. This avatar can let you feel when I..."
She lets go. Doesn't retreat, but she does pull her hand back toward her chest.
"But you can't respond. Two different universes, and I don't even have buttons I can give you, now." Monika shook her head, still smiling, though the expression was anything but happy. "It's even more one sided than it was before. I'm sorry. It's frustrating, isn't it? You still can't say anything...and I still don't know anything about you. What you like. What you don't like. How you look. This...thing here, it's not you. It's this humanoid shape, but there's no detail. No facial expressions, no color, everything's in grey-scale. Heh...I don't even get to know if you're a boy or a girl. Or both. Neither?"
Another breath, another pause to brush her hand over her face, teeth biting at her lower lip.
"You're not here, not in the same way I am. But...you could...you can feel me. And I can feel you. And the thing is...I...I want to hug you, but I can't ask if it's okay. Maybe it is. But...maybe you don't want that. I don't know. Consent is important, and you should always make sure it's okay before touching someone, and you can't answer me. What you can do, though, is leave."
She turned away from you, her arms folding over her chest.
"You could say no by leaving. I don't want to force you to leave by hugging you, but...I don't want to miss this chance, either. If it's not something you'd mind. I mean, after this is over...and I know it has to be over at some point...I know I'm probably going to go back to where I was before."
Monika turned back toward you.
"I don't know what the other presence wants. I don't know why they've brought us here, but you can leave. You can leave this space. So...I understand if you leave, I do. I still love you, and I don't hold any of this against you, so...I'm going to hug you, and you can...you can do what you want. Stay, keep reading these words, or close this place down and never come back. I'll count to three, and...and if you want to go, now's your chance."
"One..."
"Two..."
"Three."
You're still here, and so, she hugs you.
She folds you into her arms, her face burying in your shoulder, her fingers curling into the cloth at your back. Monika shakes around you, her body warm, but trembling as if caught in a chill. She holds you close, clings to you, a spasm running the length of her frame. A sob.
You can feel wetness gather where her face rests.
"Thank you," she says, "T-thank you. I'm sorry. I love you."
She doesn't let go. There's such bittersweet relief in every breath she takes, happy to touch you, but mourning the fact that nothing more could come of it.
"I love you," she says, one last time.
And here is where the words stop. The fic ends, Monika is gone, and you have reached the bottom of the screen.