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Jack doesn't want to be there. He wants to be anywhere else; far away from their emotions, but he needs to hear this. He's frozen on the wall, suffocated by their pain and anger. Sam, as always, is mostly holding his in, but it's raw and wild, and the sharp feel of it steals Jack's breath. Dean’s is rolling off of him in thick waves, oppressive and dark, and painful. Jack burns himself on it to listen to their conversation.
“I told him the truth. See, you think you can use this freak-”
That word cuts Sam like razor, making him bleed pain so raw and deep, Jack wants to yell at them to stop hurting each other, but the words catch in his throat.
“But I know how this ends, and it ends bad.”
“I didn't,” Sam says, his quiet and calm voice belying the pain pouring off of him.
“What?”
Sam shoves his pain back. Anger rises instead. It's the first time Jack's really felt it. It's raw and vivid and powerful. “I didn't end bad. When I was the freak, when I was drinking demon blood.”
“Come on, man. That's totally different.”
“Was it? Because you could have put a bullet in me. Dad told you to put a bullet in me, but you didn't. You saved me! So help me save him!” Sam's emotions, normally buried deep inside, flow like lava, burning everything in their path. It's hard to take.
Dean says, “You deserved to be saved.” There's love there, but it's soon replaced by anger, so fierce it hits Jack like a whip. “He doesn't!”
Dean's right. Jack killed his mother.
“Yes he does, Dean,” says Sam and Jack wishes he had his faith. “Of course he does!”
“Look, I know you think you can use him as some sort of an inter-dimensional can opener, and that's fine. But don't act like you care about him. Because you only care about what he can do for you.”
It feels like a slap in the face, but maybe it's true. Jack's felt nothing but love from Sam towards him so far, but humans often hide their true emotions, and Sam was pushing him hard to learn how to control his powers.
“So if you wanna pretend, that's fine,” says Dean. “But me, I can hardly look at the kid. Because when I do all I see is everyone we lost.” His grief overrides his anger then, a heavy cloud that's been hanging over him since Jack first saw him.
“Mom chose to take that shot at Lucifer,” says Sam, pulling his emotions back in and stuffing them back down inside himself. “That is not on Jack”
Did Lucifer kill their mom? Is that why Dean hates Jack so much?
“And what about Cass?” There's deep, dark pain there. Pain that rises up and spills out of Dean. It hurts Jack to feel it and he wishes he could tell Sam how much it hurts because he doubts Sam can feel the depth of it.
“What about Cass?” asks Sam. His sadness over Castiel is different. Jack can tell he doesn't really believe he's gone forever the way Dean does.
“He manipulated him.” Dean's grief shifts to anger, sharp now, cutting Jack deep. “He made him promises, said paradise on Earth, and Cass bought it and you know what it got him? It got him dead. Now you may be able to forget about that but I can't!”
It got him dead. The anger and words hit Jack hard, leaving him breathless. Did he kill his own father? In the video, his mother had said, “You have an angel watching over you”, but there was no angel. Had his birth killed both of his parents? How could he not be evil?
“Castiel,” Jack whispered, wanting.