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Truth be told, having a five year old and an eight year old could be equated to having two highly active, untrained, untamable marmosets.
He never intended to not have children, but the days of being an uncle to his sister’s young children seemed to have left a much different impression on him than he had once thought. His sister’s children had always been well behaved and polite, calm and serious when they needed to be but a little wild when they were allowed. The quieter one between the two of them, it had been the ideal for Jinyoung: marry his high school sweetheart Im Jaebum, get a pretty house in the suburbs, and adopt two boys who would be little carbon copies of themselves. It was the perfect plan and even Jaebum had seemed to agree, despite wanting more kids than that, but he had conceded that two would suit him fine. It would be everything that they had ever dreamed and more.
Funny how life works, isn't it?
**
“Appaaaaaaaaa,” Yugyeom whines, dragging out the last syllable in his high pitched voice until it's practically unbearable. Jinyoung feels two tiny hands pushing at his thigh impatiently: it's 7 o’clock in the morning and despite being dressed for work already, he barely feels awake. He's standing in Youngjae’s bedroom doorway, waiting for the older of their two sons to get out of bed and lamenting the fact that he's not in the kitchen watching his husband make breakfast. Presumably shirtless.
Yugyeom reaches for his bicep, hands up and his arms stretched while he balances precariously on his sock-footed tippy toes. Jinyoung, despite telling him many times that it isn't going to work, folds his arm into a 90 degree angle anyway and grits his teeth. Yugyeom insists that he's tall enough to grab onto Appa’s arm and swing from it like a baby monkey, but Jinyoung knows he's probably still a couple of years out from being able to do it. When he can’t quite reach, fingertips brushing against the material of Jinyoung’s power blue dress shirt, he whines and drops his arms to lean his face against his leg. Jinyoung reaches to ruffle his hair, glancing down and seeing the adorable way Yugyeom’s cheek is smushed against his thigh in defeat.
“Youngjae-yah,” Jinyoung warns, leaning his folded arm down far enough that Yugyeom can latch onto it with both hands. He grunts a little as he lifts him up, ignoring the way his shoulder begs him not to do this as Yugyeom giggles and hangs off his arm. Youngjae, however, seems unperturbed: he remains curled up under his blanket, messy black hair spread across his pillow and eyes squeezed shut against the light.
“Youngjae-yah!” Yugyeom mocks, sing song, planting his feet against Jinyoung’s hip and half standing, half hanging from Jinyoung’s arm. He mumbles a half hearted apology when Jinyoung shoots him a warning look and tries again, “Youngjae hyung!”
One dark eye opens barely a centimeter before it closes quickly, pretending that Jinyoung hadn’t seen it and that he’s still asleep.
He knows he’s not supposed to laugh, so he bites both his lips to hold it back. Them being late to school isn’t funny, per se, but watching his eight year old act like they hadn’t just made eye contact when he’s trying to get him up and dressed is.
“Youngjae-yah, if you don’t get up right now, I’m going to go get Dad.”
Both eyes open this time, blinking sleepily. His heart melts alarmingly fast: the only body part visible is his head, the rest of him covered up by a mound of blankets so that he looks like a little cotton turtle. Youngjae’s staticy black hair fans across the pillowcase decorated with various Pokemon and he wishes more than anything that they could just all stay home and pile up in their bed like they used to.
“Giving him heart eyes like that isn’t going to get him out of bed any faster,” a voice says behind him, and he feels Jaebum disentangling Yugyeom from his arm and hip to throw him over his shoulder. Yugyeom giggles and kicks his socked feet so that both Jaebum and Jinyoung have to lean their faces out of their trajectory.
With a sharp look, Jinyoung glances over his shoulder at Jaebum; despite the teasing smile on his face, Jinyoung is never not awed by his handsomeness and even this makes him soften, too. “I am not giving him heart eyes. You couldn’t even see my face, because you’re behind me.”
Jaebum wraps an arm around his waist and rests his chin on Jinyoung’s shoulder. Yugyeom seems to notice that his parents are being lovey-dovey and screeches eeeeew in an almost perfect imitation of his cousin Bambam.
“I’ve known you since our freshman year of high school. Do I have to be standing in front of you to know that you’re soft-hearted and don’t want to get him out of bed?”
Red faced and embarrassed like they’re still just teenagers, Jinyoung shoves his elbow backward into Jaebum’s bare stomach and grumbles under his breath when his husband just laughs. He half turns, holding his arms out and silently waiting for Jaebum to deposit their five year old wiggle worm into them. He’s still in his jammies and even though it is pretty cute that there’s a picture of Pikachu on each tiny butt cheek, it’s time to get dressed for school. He sighs: he didn’t think having kids, especially two hyperactive ones, would make him such a sap.
He’s not surprised, though, and he’s sure Jaebum isn’t, either.
Regardless, Jaebum smiles at him and dumps Yugyeom across Jinyoung’s outstretched arms. He immediately lets go of his back, almost dropping him until he’s got a good grip on both of his ankles and is holding him upside down. Yugyeom just screams laughter and if that’s not enough to get sleepy-eyed Youngjae out of bed, then he isn’t sure what is.
Jinyoung starts to walk Yugyeom down the hallway on his hands while Jinyoung holds him up by his feet, waiting in the doorway to his room while Jaebum quietly reprimands Youngjae for not getting up when Jinyoung had asked him to. He smiles softly when Youngjae throws off the blanket, sitting up and rubbing his eyes while waving Jaebum off like a tired parent. Jaebum slowly closes the door when he’s sure that Youngjae is up and at ‘em before joining Jinyoung in Yugyeom’s room.
“Breakfast is ready,” he says, folding his arms and leaning in the doorway while Jinyoung rifles through Yugyeom’s closet to find something to wear. The little boy leans on his leg impatiently and whines unintelligibly about God only knows.
“Thanks, honey,” Jinyoung says, finally finding a shirt and yanking it off the hanger. He orders Yugyeom to spin around with a circling motion of his finger while he looks over at his husband still watching them fondly from the doorway. “Yah, stop looking at us like that if you want to get everyone out of the house on time.”
He laughs, holding up his hands defensively before winking at him and leaving the room. Jinyoung rolls his eyes even if he doesn’t see it, helping Yugyeom to take off his pajama shirt and pull on the clean one Jinyoung had picked for him. Down the hall he hears Youngjae’s door open, and both him and Yugyeom glance up to see him heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
When Yugyeom’s head swivels back around, he looks much more glum than he had just a few minutes ago. Jinyoung waits until he buttons his pants and pulls on clean socks before scooping him up again; he wonders if he should ask what’s wrong or if it’s just another morning that he’s sad to leave Jinyoung and Jaebum behind. With a sigh too heavy for his little body, Yugyeom wraps his arms around Jinyoung’s neck and leans their heads together, now uncharacteristically silent as they wander into the kitchen for a quick, pre-school breakfast.
As Jaebum is getting the plates down, Youngjae comes into the room and yawns sleepily. He shuffles over to where Jinyoung is sitting in one of the higher chairs at the island and leans his head against his side. “Do I have to go to school today?”
Jaebum raises an eyebrow. “Of course you do. Why don’t you want to?”
He replies miserably, “I want to play Pokemon.”
Jinyoung again has to bite his lips to avoid laughing, and he makes eye contact with Jaebum at the sink where he’s doing the same thing. Both of their faces split in a smile and they look down in unison as to not give themselves away.
“You can play Pokemon after school and after you do your homework,” Jaebum says, much better at dropping the smile, and hands Youngjae a plate. “Maybe we’ll even call Uncle Mark and Uncle Jackson to see if Bambam can come over and play with you.”
This seems to cheer him up, and he brightens considerably. He smiles at both of them, a little checkerboard line of white and black where some of his baby teeth have finally gone. Youngjae takes the plate from Jaebum and steps up on the stool to carefully pick and choose between all of the breakfast items Jaebum had prepared to arrange on his plate. While he does, Jaebum reaches over his head to grab another plate and nods at Yugyeom.
Looking over, he can see that Yugyeom is still quiet and watching Youngjae intently. He’s slumped a little in his chair, lower lip pushed out and corners of his mouth turned down in an exaggerated pout like a humanoid grouper fish. He watches Yongjae as he makes his own plate for breakfast and sighs another little heavy sigh.
“Yugyeom-ah,” Jinyoung says softly, and feels a bit dismayed when Yugyeom doesn’t look at him. “If you ask Dad extra nicely, I think he’ll give you an extra strawberry.”
“Daddy, can I have an extra strawberry, please?” he asks, but it’s lacking in that usual Yugyeom fervor (as in, he didn’t scream it at the top of his lungs, so now neither of them are sure that he meant it) and they exchange a worried glance across the kitchen.
“Sure, kiddo,” Jaebum says, and turns around to pile more strawberries than he would usually get onto a small plate. Jinyoung rubs his back comfortingly and starts to worry about him being under the weather.
The rest of breakfast goes by uneventfully: Youngjae tells them about what they’re doing at school today with his mouth full, which earns him another reprimand from Jaebum; he does so with a grin on his face because he thinks it’s funny when Youngjae does it, despite knowing that Jinyoung thinks it’s rude. Youngjae just laughs and turns red to mumble an apology when Jinyoung shoots Jaebum a glare across the table. Which is just met with a grin and a kiss blown to him that, much to Youngjae’s amusement, gets pretend karate chopped out of the air. Normally Yugyeom would laugh, too, but he’s barely even picked at his strawberries. Jinyoung frowns.
“Ah, Jinyoungie, the kids’ bus comes soon,” Jaebum says suddenly, pushing up from the table. “Youngjae-yah, take Yugyeom and get your shoes and jackets on. It’s time to go to the bus stop. Hurry, or you’re going to miss it.”
All three of them turn at the same time to look at the clock perched on the kitchen wall right above the stove. Youngjae’s bus comes in ten minutes and though the bus stop is just at the end of their street, Youngjae has a penchant for pulling out his Gameboy and getting distracted. The next couple of minutes are a flurry of activity getting their boys shooed into the front room while they race to pack their lunches and grab their backpacks. By the time Jinyoung is coming back from both of their rooms with their school bags in hand, Jaebum is already waiting with them by the door to help them strap on and get ready to go. The both of them stand side by side on the doorstep and watch their kids run to the bus stop down at the end of the street, in just enough time that Youngjae is pulling Yugyeom by the hand up onto the steps and to their seats.
Left alone now in the silence, Jinyoung leans in to Jaebum’s shoulder and hums when he wraps an arm around his waist. They go back inside once the bus is out of sight, and Jinyoung sits down heavily at the island again with his face in his hand while Jaebum leans on his elbows across from him.
“What’s the matter?”
“Yugyeom seemed unhappy today.”
Jaebum clicks his tongue against his teeth. “Yeah, I noticed that, too. Was he feeling sick? Did he say anything about feeling sick?” Jaebum’s thick eyebrows furrow worriedly. “Should we have kept him home from school?”
“No, I don’t think he’s sick,” Jinyoung says, sighing. He reaches out for comfort and warms a bit when Jaebum takes his hand to run his thumb back and forth across his knuckles. “I think he’s jealous.”
“Jealous?” Jaebum stands up straighter, letting go of Jinyoung’s hand to come around and stand next to him. “Jealous of what?”
“Of Youngjae. Because Youngjae gets to do big boy things, and he doesn’t.”
Jinyoung looks up and his heart contracts at the way Jaebum softens exorbitantly. It’s a wonder, Jinyoung thinks, that he could see such a softness in him when in high school he had been, for a long time, all razor edged angles. Dating had melted him a bit, though, and marriage even moreso; during their wedding he thinks that Jaebum must have cried more than his mother did. Jinyoung didn’t think that Jaebum getting any softer was possible until they adopted two kids.
The hand that had been rubbing across his knuckles comes up to cup his chin and tilt it further so that Jaebum can kiss him sweetly before leaning away.
“He likes being babied, especially by you. Maybe he was just tired today, huh?”
Jaebum’s curled fingers bump his chin in encouragement before they wrap themselves up in his silky tie and yank suggestively. Jinyoung checks the clock again and is thankful that he’s the boss so that he can make his own work hours, and he lets himself be pulled to his feet by the promise of a good time lined in his husband’s devilish eyes.
“Don’t stress so much, Jinyoungie,” he purrs, “and let’s go back to bed.”
**
Despite Jaebum’s alluring words of comfort, he worries about it all day.
The hours stretch on in his office as he tries not to think about how sad his son had seemed that morning, even after waking up happy and getting to climb all over Appa like a jungle gym even though he usually doesn’t get to. He wonders when exactly it happened, and if the change had come even sooner before but him and Jaebum had been so preoccupied that they had missed it, because Jaebum was right: Yugyeom adored being babied. He loved getting scooped up and held in either of their arms, leaning his head against theirs when he was tired, or curling up in their laps as they read books, or nestling between them on their bed when he was supposed to be tucked away in his own. He had his moments of independence but for the most part he still adored being treated like the toddler that he is (even though Mark and Jackson think they’re maybe spoiling him a little too much, but hey, Jinyoung and Jaebum both ended up being too soft for their kids) and it bothers him that, somewhere along the way and fairly recently, it had changed without him noticing.
In any case, he’s exhausted from overthinking it by the time he gets home from work. He comes home and braces for the impact of Yugyeom tearing around the corner and careening into his legs screeching at full volume, but the house remains suspiciously quiet. The television is on in the living room and he’s about to get worried when he finally hears the familiar voice of his nephew ribbing Youngjae over video games. Jaebum must be outside with Mark and Jackson, then, so he goes into the kitchen to start dinner.
Their routine continues as usual, even with the minor disruption of Mark and Jackson coming over and bringing Bambam to play with Youngjae. The boys all stay in the living room until dinner time, when Bambam and Youngjae set the table and make their plates while Jinyoung calls Yugyeom to his side to make his for him. Jinyoung is disheartened to see that Yugyeom’s morose mood from earlier that morning has not dissipated, and it continues all throughout dinner. His uncles make an attempt to engage him, but they get quiet, half hearted answers that have all four of the adults sharing worried glances across the table.
After dinner, Jaebum tells Youngjae and Bambam to wash the dishes while the rest of them go into the backyard to sit on the porch and chat a bit. Yugyeom, normally content to sit in Jinyoung’s lap and doze off while they talk with his uncles, insists on sitting in his own chair and complains loudly when Jinyoung tries to pull him up into his lap.
“No, Appa, I don’t want to,” he says, voice raised in a whine, and he pushes Jinyoung’s outstretched hands away roughly.
Jaebum, who sees all of this, makes a noise against his teeth. “Yah! Yugyeomie, you don’t talk to Appa like that. Say you’re sorry.”
Jinyoung’s heart breaks. Even in the fading navy of dusk he can see that Yugyeom’s cheeks are red and his eyes are wet. His little hands curl into fists and he takes a deep breath before muttering an apology. He doesn't wait for it to be acknowledged, instead spinning around and marching across the patio to climb up into one of the chairs. There must be a look on his face, because he feels Jaebum’s hand slide onto his thigh and search silently for his hand.
The next thirty minutes go by with Jinyoung watching Yugyeom swing his legs in his chair with a heaviness in his chest and Jaebum periodically squeezing his fingers for comfort. Mark and Jackson decide to call it a night; they need to get Bambam home and into the bath before they all watch a movie together, and the rumbling off in the distance gives them a good idea that a rainstorm is coming. Yugyeom leaps off the chair as soon as they stand, racing over to bury his face in Mark’s legs and murmuring something like take me with you.
If anything, it just makes him feel like a bad father. As Mark, Jackson, and Bambam make their way out of the house with Jaebum walking them out, he can’t help but wonder: did he baby Yugyeom too much? Did he actually hate it? It seems a little absurd to assume that a five year old would be smart enough to realize that it makes Jinyoung happy getting to baby him a little bit and therefore just pretending to like it to make him feel better, but nothing is impossible. He watches as Youngjae goes down the hallway to the bathroom of his own accord to start the bath while Jinyoung just sits heavily on the couch with his eyes closed and wonders where he went wrong.
A few minutes later there’s a warm hand on his cheek, and he opens his eyes to see Jaebum leaning over him with a pouty Yugyeom leaning against his leg. “Youngjae’s done with his bath. Do you want me to take Yugyeom, or do you want to do it?”
He blinks rapidly, aware that he had maybe dozed off a little bit, and stands up. “I’ll do it. Go tell Youngjae he has thirty minutes to read or play Pokemon before it’s bedtime.”
With a nod, Jaebum leaves Yugyeom standing in front of Jinyoung with his eyes on the floor. Jinyoung stares at the shock of messy brown hair on the crown of Yugyeom’s head and sighs. “C’mon, kiddo. Bath time.”
A sigh, one that matches his unfairly, follows as Jinyoung leads him to the bathroom.
**
Following their usual routine, Jinyoung sits next to the tub with his back against the bathroom wall and reads to him from Yugyeom’s favorite book. Yugyeom doesn’t goof around like he normally does; the humid atmosphere of the bathroom is unusually quiet and somber as Yugyeom sits glumly in the warm water and splashes at it listlessly. By the time Jinyoung is instructing him to rinse the soap from his hair and pull the drain plug, he’s so frustrated he’s going to explode.
Yugyeom steps into his Superman undies and just waits as Jinyoung drapes the hooded towel shaped like a bear over his head. Jinyoung crosses his legs and starts to dry his son’s hair as he says,
“Yugyeom-ah. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong, Appa.”
He stops his hands but keeps them placed protectively on Yugyeom’s head. He turns his face up where it had been tilted toward the ground and looks into his eyes seriously. “Don’t lie to me, Yugyeom-ah. You know it’s bad to lie, right? Especially to Appa and Dad.”
Yugyeom nods and looks like he’s ready to cry. He opens his mouth like he's going to deny it again, but then his little nose scrunches up and he wails, “It’s just...It’s just not fair!”
Jinyoung is taken aback by the sudden outburst. “What’s not fair?”
“Youngjae hyung gets to do everything by himself and I don’t get to do anything! He gets to pick his school clothes, and make his own plate at breakfast, and, and, take baths by himself, and––” he sniffles, tears starting to flow the more he talks. “I’m not a baby anymore, Appa, I want to do stuff like Youngjae hyung!”
Jinyoung feels stunned. Yugyeom sniffles again and wipes his arm across his eyes while Jinyoung just lets his arms fall into his lap. So he had been right then, in thinking that Yugyeom was getting jealous. It breaks his heart a little more to know that his baby doesn't seem to want to be his baby any more.
Quietly, Jinyoung keeps his hands folded in his lap and asks,
“Do you want to be able to do stuff alone like Youngjae hyung?”
Another sniffle, bottom lip pushed out. He nods.
“Do you want Dad and Appa to let you do things on your own tomorrow?”
Repeat. Sniffle, pout; a brief hesitation, then a nod.
He sighs. “Okay. Tomorrow, we’ll let you do it on your own.”
**
The next morning starts off with their new routine: Jinyoung gets dressed while Jaebum sits on the edge of the bed and watches him, finally deciding that he’d had his fill of a morning ogling and goes to start breakfast. Where his morning was normally occupied by Yugyeom, he finds it strangely empty and boring when all he has to do is stick his head in both of their doors to turn on their lights and wake them up.
He joins Jaebum in the kitchen, doing his own sort of ogling while Jaebum cooks in just a tank top. There’s the distinct murmur of both boys in the bathroom, the sink running and the low chatter of their voices as he presumes Youngjae fills in his role and shows Yugyeom how to do things he usually doesn’t do by himself. There’s a slight pang in his chest that maybe Yugyeom really does want to grow up, after all.
The feeling is short lived, though, as a couple of minutes later he hears Youngjae’s loud laughter from down the hall. Yugyeom makes an audible noise of fear and then suddenly he’s coming around the corner with his shirt stuck on his head and halfway on a shoulder.
“Appa,” he cries, obviously frustrated that he can’t pull on a shirt (that is much to small for him now, which would explain why he couldn’t get his head through the hole) and he has to shoot Jaebum a glare when he hears the older male stifle a laugh under his breath. “Appa, I can’t get my shirt on.”
“Big boys don’t need help with their shirts,” he says lightly, but he still reaches down to pull the shirt off Yugyeom’s head. “This is one of your baby shirts. Your big boy shirts are on the other side of your closet. Do you need Appa or Dad to come help you?”
“No,” he says glumly, but he hesitates for a moment like he’s going to say yes.
Jinyoung feels just a little triumphant. Just a little.
**
The next incident comes thirty minutes later, when Yugyeom is trying and failing to tie his own shoes.
He looks up, face red and blowing his long bangs out of his eyes with a defeated huff. “Appa, I can’t tie my shoes.”
“Youngjae hyung can tie his shoes,” he says, and feels a little more validated when Yugyeom looks like he just wants to hold his foot out so that he can do it, instead.
But their kid is determined, because he turns away to Youngjae and asks him to show him how to tie his shoes, too.
**
After they come home from school and wash up for dinner, Yugyeom slides into his seat at the long oak table while the three of them stand in the kitchen and make their plates. They all sit down with their food and suddenly Yugyeom looks jilted.
“Where’s my dinner?”
Jaebum points at the stool pushed up by the countertop and the empty plate by the pan. “Your plate is right there, Yugyeom-ah. You have to get your own dinner.”
**
When bath time comes, it’s obvious that Yugyeom is getting frustrated now. After multiple mishaps over the course of the day where he’d needed someone’s help anyway, Jinyoung wonders if he’s getting tired of being told big boys do that by themselves or you can do that on your own, can’t you, Yugyeom-ah? It’s such a departure from his own routine that Jinyoung is amazed he’s not disoriented from it all.
But, even though he’s frustrated, he still doesn’t give up. He helps his brother wash the dishes while Jinyoung snuggles up to Jaebum on the couch. They let the boys watch television with them for a while, before Jaebum is toeing at the back of Youngjae’s head and telling him it’s time to take his bath.
After he goes, Yugyeom looks up over a tiny shoulder at Jinyoung where he’d been sitting on the floor next to Youngjae. “Appa.”
“Hmm?”
He feels Yugyeom’s hand pulling on his pant leg, so he lifts it and looks down at him. “Are you going to start my bath for me?”
“Well, normally big boys start their own baths.”
Jaebum nudges him with his shoulder and laughs in his ear. “He’s only five, Jinyoung-ah.”
True, and it’s not like he was going to let Yugyeom potentially lock himself in the bathroom in a tub full of water by himself, anyway, so he nods in the direction of the bathroom when Youngjae announces that he’s finished. Elated, Yugyeom gets up and sprints to the bathroom for the first time in...well, ever.
Jinyoung sighs, disentangling from Jaebum and standing up to stretch. “He seems happier. I think he likes doing stuff on his own.”
Jaebum laughs. “Are you kidding? He might seem happy, but I can tell he misses getting everything done for him. Just watch the look on his face next time you have to tell him that big boys do that by themselves. It’s hilarious.”
Clicking his tongue against his teeth in annoyance, Jinyoung nudges at Jaebum’s knee with his own but Jaebum just laughs more. “You’re terrible.”
“You love me.”
“Yeah, I do,” he says, and softens.
Jaebum smiles at him, all soft cheeks and handsome edges, and pats his butt. “Go keep an eye on big boy Yugyeom so that we can get them both into bed.”
In a normal continuation of their routine, Jinyoung sits next to the tub with his back against the wall while Yugyeom splashes around in the water. Bath time is more manageable when he lets Yugyeom have fun for a while and despite his insistence upon being a big boy now, he doesn’t get too invested in the idea and still makes cute little action noises with his mouth as he drags toys around in the soapy water. Jinyoung just observes quietly, head leaned against the wall as he watches his son get lost in his imagination. Though the few times he had proved that he wasn’t quite ready to grow up yet, even as Jinyoung watches his sweet, cherubic face he knows that the sand in the hourglass of time is slipping by more quickly with every day. He may want to be a big boy now, but he isn’t quite yet; however, Jinyoung realizes with a little pang that, just like Youngjae, he will be soon. And indeed he misses the time when Youngjae needed him, too. What will he do when neither of his children need him at all?
“Appa,” Yugyeom says, and Jinyoung blinks out of his stupor to see that the water in the tub has calmed with the lack of Yugyeom’s pretending. His dark brown hair curls against his face and his cocoa colored eyes are large in his chubby face.
“Hmm?”
“Are you going to read to me?”
Jinyoung smiles. “I didn’t bring your book with me. And besides, big boys don’t read in the tub.”
“Yes huh,” Yugyeom argues, his lower lip pushed forward in a pout. Water rushes away from him as he lifts his arms to cross them across his chest. “You read all the time in the bath, and you make Dad bring you glasses of that red juice that Dad says is yucky.”
He hadn’t been expecting his five year old to make such an accurate and compelling argument, and he can’t help but laugh a little. Yugyeom’s eyebrows furrow indignantly, so he just reaches for the pitcher on the edge of the tub and dumps it over his head to rinse off the soap. Jinyoung stands and waits with his back turned as Yugyeom grabs his own towel, lifts the bear hood up over his head, and steps up on the stool at the sink to brush his teeth. The entire time he can feel the sigh building up in Yugyeom’s chest: normally Appa or Dad participates in this with him, standing next to him or playfully drying his hair by rubbing the bear towel hard and fast on top of his head while he squeals with laughter. But the bathroom is oddly empty of Yugyeom’s glee now that he has to do it the grown up way.
Jinyoung looks down when Yugyeom tugs on his pant leg. His bear towel has been hung back up, and he’s dressed in the pajamas that Jinyoung had brought for him. Now that his teeth are brushed and his jammies are on, it’s time to go to bed. He looks distantly reluctant to tell Jinyoung that he’s finished.
“Appa, I’m all done.”
“Okay,” Jinyoung says, and he drops to one knee to give Yugyeom a hug. “You have thirty minutes to play Pokemon or read one of your story books before you have to turn off the light. Youngjae hyung is going to come check on you to make sure you’re in bed after the thirty minutes. Okay?”
It is undeniable how satisfying it is that Yugyeom looks disappointed. But he is the child of Jaebum and Jinyoung and he will not show his face so easily, so he just nods and lets his wet bangs fall in front of his eyes before he marches down the hallway and into his bedroom. The house falls into its usual bedtime hush as Jinyoung pads in the opposite direction toward their own room at the end of the hall.
Jaebum is already undressed and lying across their bed with an arm under his head and a book over his face. He glances over when Jinyoung enters, eyes lingering as Jinyoung strips out of his clothes but going back to his book when he realizes Jinyoung is just going to pull on a shirt and some sleep shorts. He flops down on the bed next to him, head resting on the arm holding the book up over his face to close his eyes.
“So?” Jaebum asks nonchalantly, lifting his head to use his other hand to turn the page and not disturb Jinyoung’s resting head. “How’d it go?”
“I can tell he’s getting sick of it. He looked so disappointed when I told him that Youngjae was going to make sure his light was off.”
“You’re not even going to read to him? We even read to Youngjae sometimes still.” Jaebum laughs. “Harsh, babe.”
With a whine Jinyoung digs his fingers into Jaebum’s ribs, which makes him choke on a laugh and drop the book on his face. Jinyoung tries to roll out of the way but he’s in between Jaebum and the wall so once Jaebum pushes the book to the floor there’s nowhere for him to go. He laughs quietly as Jaebum reaches out for him, grabbing his hip and pulling until they’re slightly wrestling and giggling like teenage boys. Jaebum finally wins, both of Jinyoung’s wrists in his hands to stop the tickling and leaning down to softly kiss him on the mouth.
As Jaebum’s tongue parts his lips, distant thunder rumbles and rolls outside the window. Jaebum sighs happily, kissing him again before he drops down to his side and wraps an arm around Jinyoung’s waist.
“He doesn’t like thunderstorms,” Jaebum says, nudging him to turn off the light without saying so out loud. “The forecast said it’s supposed to rain tonight.”
Jinyoung slides back into his arms after sitting up to turn off the lamp by their bedside. From the crack underneath the door Jinyoung can see the illumination of a single bedroom light down the hall that goes dim followed by the soft sound of feet on the carpet. A door closes quietly and the house once more goes still. In the darkness of their room, Jinyoung smiles into Jaebum’s chest.
“He’s a big boy. He can handle it.”
**
But he can’t.
Sometime in the middle of the night, even Jinyoung is woken up by the echoing crack of a thunderclap close to the mountains. His heart jolts in his chest as he sits up, blinking in the milky, desaturated glow of the moon from their curtains as harsh rain pounds the windows like fists. Jaebum turns restlessly, half awake when Jinyoung sits up in bed. So far the house is quiet underneath the storm, but with how violently it’s raging he knows it won’t last much longer.
As expected, the door to their bedroom opens a few moments later. Yugyeom’s face is already streaked with tears, and more are falling as he rubs his fists into his eyes and makes his way to the foot of their bed.
“Daddy...Appa…” he hiccups, and Jinyoung’s heart bleeds. Though he hadn’t known that a storm would occur tonight, it had been on the cusp of becoming for days. He feels terrible that he had allowed his youngest child to suffer alone in his fear under the guise of letting him keep his pride.
“Yugyeomie…” Jaebum says sleepily, lifting his head and digging the heel of one hand into his eye. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m…” his voice quivers, as though he’s trying with all of his might not to cry but unable to hold it all in. Another crack of thunder makes him jump and utter a little terrified noise. “I’m really scared.”
Jinyoung opens his arms and immediately Yugyeom is climbing onto the bed to bury himself in them. Yugyeom’s soft hair tickles the bottom of his chin as he nestles his head right underneath it, arms wrapped tight around his neck and sniffling away the last of his tears. Jaebum leans up on an elbow to rub his back, singing softly under his breath the same way he had done to both him and Youngjae when they were babies. In the washed out light of the room, Jinyoung rests his cheek on Yugyeom’s head and aims his smile toward the rainy window so that Jaebum can’t see it.
Though Yugyeom had come to them for the comfort, Jinyoung finds that he himself is comforted in the way that his youngest son had still sought him out. He had been afraid that he was being a bad father by babying him a bit more than he should at five years old, but he misses the time that he had been able to do it with Youngjae and he feels as though he is trying desperately to hang to it as long as he can with Yugyeom. If he could freeze them right now, he would never let his babies grow up, and he would keep them all here in this room with him, arrested in this moment forever.
Yugyeom grows more and more tired as Jaebum rubs his back and sings quietly to them. Jinyoung feels the fluttering of his long eyelashes against his throat as his eyes slip closed, and just before he does, another little body is slinking in their doorway to stand meekly in the shadow of the dresser.
“Youngjae-yah,” Jinyoung whispers, still smiling softly. “Are you scared, too?”
He nods, even though he isn’t. Youngjae has always loved the sound of thunder, but he had likely woken up earlier as Jinyoung had and heard his father singing to his brother. Jinyoung lets go of Yugyeom for just a moment to pat the spot between him and Jaebum that opens as he scoots over just a little bit.
When their other son climbs in bed and settles down, Jaebum’s voice gets softer and softer until he falls asleep himself. Youngjae is next, head on Jaebum’s arm and leg thrown over Jinyoung’s thigh. Yugyeom curls up in the space between Youngjae’s hip and Jinyoung’s ribs, growing taller by the day and yet still just small enough to fit perfectly in the dip of Jinyoung’s armpit. His eyelids flutter as he fights sleep, and Jinyoung gently brushes off the hair from his forehead as he mutters one last thing before giving up:
“Appa, I don’t want to be a big boy anymore. Okay?”
He smiles even though he’s the only one who knows it. “Okay, Yugyeomie. You don’t have to be a big boy anymore.”
♡