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Keith stared up at the moon. It was very similar to Earth’s moon, in a few ways. It was a pale blue tone against the pitch black of the sky, drawing your eye to it from anywhere on the planet. Although, it was a lot larger than the Earth’s moon and the craters in it were easier to see with the naked eye.
Unlike the Earth’s moon, it actually emitted its own light rather than just reflecting the light from the sun. Keith found that interesting. After all, he spent a lot of time staring at the moon back home in his desert shack. Keith wasn’t afraid of the dark, but being alone with only the haunting calls of the coyotes echoing through the sand dunes to keep him company, the glow of the moon was a huge comfort. The rest of the stars were intriguing as well, but Keith particularly liked the moon.
He sighed. It wasn’t an exhausted or annoyed sigh, but more of a relaxed, content one. His legs were pulled up to his chest as he curled up on the sill of the window. It was raining, which was another thing that reminded Keith of Earth. Being in the desert, it didn’t rain all that often, but it still felt like home to see the crystal droplets falling from the clouds, which were oddly oval. Some clouds just were oval-shaped, but on this planet, they were all cleanly oval. If it weren’t for the fact that the grass was slimy and blue, and the sky had a pink hue to it all the time, Keith could almost fool himself into believing that he was on Earth.
His bangs fell in front of his face, covering his eyes, hiding him from the world. He hugged his legs closer as he rested his chin on his knees. It was fairly late in the night. Or maybe it was early? Keith wasn’t exactly sure how the time worked on this planet, but it really didn’t matter. All he knew was that he was supposed to be sleeping. His bed was weird and made a rolling motion when he laid in it and he couldn’t figure out how to stop it. He vaguely wondered how the others were fairing with their beds. He could have asked one of the people working in the castle they were at but really, the last thing Keith wanted to do was talk to anyone in that moment.
Every so often, Keith would fall into a sort of rut. They usually only lasted for a few days and he could work through them, but they were still there. Ruts where everything he did felt meaningless. All he would want to do was stop what he was doing and just drop to the ground, take everything in and let himself be overwhelmed by the simplest things. Let his thoughts of the universe take him over and just lay wherever he was. But then at the same time, his body would feel like it was buzzing with electricity and nothing he ever did was enough. Usually he would train until he was sure his mind had disconnected from his body entirely, then he would sit in his room and not move. He would lay there, all night, staring at the ceiling and listening to his own breathing.
The ruts weren’t just physical feelings, they were mental feelings. Not like thoughts. They were something just beyond what thoughts were, something slightly out of reach of words. He wasn’t exactly well versed in explaining things, but this, he was sure, would be difficult to explain for even an English scholar, or someone who knew fifty different languages. There just weren’t words.
It was like he suddenly became overly aware of the universe and himself within it. The feeling wasn’t one that lasted long, it was mostly just a small, disorientating moment which left behind emotions that Keith needed time to recover from. All at once, his mind just threw him for a loop, expanding his scope to include all possible planets while simultaneously zooming in on even the smallest things. Everything was extremely big while also being extremely small. No matter what he would imagine, it would always be too cluttered yet also empty. All the things around him were suddenly more, so much more. The wall wasn’t a wall, the bed wasn’t a bed, his bayard wasn’t his bayard. They were all creations of the universe, cosmic dust, just space and time converging in one point, at once place, perfectly.
Life was essentially meaningless, but Keith felt like that was what gave it meaning. The incredible idea that no matter what someone did, it wasn’t wrong because there was no right answer. The meaning of life was whatever one wanted it to be and whatever one made it out to be. Keith’s mind was alight with idea and possibility. Being so insignificant and small scared many people, it was the cause for many existential crises, but for Keith, it was like a weight off his shoulders.
During these moments, his body felt like it was moving upwards and he got dizzy. His heart would speed up and his eyes would blur. Sometimes, he would have muscle spasms in his hands. There was the sudden thought and understanding that he wasn’t alone in the universe, that there were others, everywhere, right at that moment. Just like Keith, they had lives and stories. They had people they cared about and dreams they wanted to accomplish.
But it went farther than that. There was always a compelling urge to lift his hand out in front of him as it pulsed with unseen energy, and just flex it, stare at it, study it. Awareness of his body. It scared Keith. He could move his arm. His arm belonged to him. Every action he made with his own arm was his and his alone. In that very moment, Keith was alive and could move his body while, all around him, others existed. None of them were able to control any other existence except their own. Everyone was experiencing their own existence.
Keith couldn’t explain it, but it was there. It was a flood of emotion which lasted no more than a minute, then it was gone. The effects of it though, those lasted a lot longer. Almost like someone hit the factory reset in Keith’s mind, his entire mindset would switch over until he was out of his rut. It was always the same feeling, but Keith’s reaction was always different. Sometimes it was terrifying, sometimes it was inspiring, sometimes it was frustrating. Always overwhelming. Usually, it was triggered by something in Keith’s surroundings, but he couldn’t ever identify what. It was just a familiar something that he felt.
The ruts didn’t stop him. In fact, they were probably completely unnoticeable to anyone else. Keith had mostly gotten used to them, knowing exactly what he needed and where he needed to be, but he couldn’t talk to people without some part of his mind analyzing everything about them, their relationship to Keith, and Keith’s own feelings about that person.
Keith had tried to explain the feeling to someone once. They didn’t understand what he was trying to say. That could have been error on Keith’s part, or it just was something that that person hadn’t ever experienced and they really didn’t understand. Whatever the case, they gave Keith a look that said he was crazy and Keith never spoke about the feeling again.
As Keith sat by his window, letting his thoughts wander and his mind settle down, there was a knock at the door. In the middle of the night, who could possibly be at his door? Keith stared at the door for a moment longer, willing the person to go away, but the knocking began again. With a drawn-out sigh, Keith untangled his legs from where they were curled and gingerly made his way across the room to the door. His feet were light against the carpet as he didn’t want to make any noise.
He wasn’t expecting anyone to be trying to ambush him in the night, but he was paranoid nonetheless and grabbed his Marmora blade from its holster as he neared the door. Without calling out to ask who it was, Keith just opened the door and swung it open enough to see who was there. Against all his expectations, Lance was there, primed and ready to knock again but clearly startled.
“Uh...” Lance stared dumbly at Keith, scuffling his feet.
“Can I help you?” Keith asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
Lance slowly moved his raised hand back to rub at the back of his neck. “Yeah, I just wanted to… I couldn’t sleep and I… Well, y’know, I was just…” he stuttered.
Another thing which Keith had found from his periodic feeling was that he suddenly began to notice things about Lance in particular. Not in any sort of revelation or realization, because he already noticed many things about Lance, all the time. He spent a lot of time thinking about Lance. More than he would admit. That wasn’t why it was odd.
The way he noticed Lance when his mind was thinking about the universe was how incredible it was that he even existed at all. How absolutely amazing it was that someone so beautiful and alive could be living their life right next to Keith at the same time that Keith was living his. It baffled Keith to think that there was a person out there whose life was entirely separate from his, yet they somehow crossed paths in the most unlikely way, and Keith didn’t want them to ever uncross their paths. Keith found himself wishing to thread his life with Lance’s in the same way he wanted to thread their fingers together; to intertwine his existence through Lance’s in the same way he wanted to intertwine their legs as they fell asleep together.
On normal days, Keith could see his love for Lance as what it was; love. The desire to be near Lance, to see Lance, to touch Lance, to make Lance happy, to protect Lance. But when he became aware of everything in the universe, so too did he become aware of his love. In those times, Keith found that he really wouldn’t mind all that much if Lance never felt the same way because at least Keith got to experience something so strong as the desire to stand by another.
Lance being in Keith’s room while he was lost to his mind, however, was not a good thing. On top of that, it was late at night, and everyone knows what happens when you talk to people at night. Secrets that you once held close to your chest, are suddenly open books, free for anyone to read. Much like ghosts and demons on Halloween, the veil between secrets and throwaway comments grew very weak and thin. Keith was no exception. He was walking a dangerous path there and he needed to be careful. As long as he didn’t do something stupid like invite Lance inside–
“Do you… want to come inside…?”
Keith was impulsive – he couldn’t deny that – but he wasn’t always correct. Lance stared at him for a moment, as though he was waiting for Keith to laugh and tell Lance he was joking. When that didn’t happen, Lance nodded, slowly, cautiously. He stepped over the threshold of the room and awkwardly stood in the middle while Keith closed the door behind him. Something about closing the door made it feel more intimate, but Keith couldn’t have a conversation with the boy unless the door was closed, lest someone wander by. They were supposed to be asleep in their respective rooms anyways so he could at least use that as an excuse for closing the door.
Lance was still rubbing his neck, glancing around the room. Keith moved past Lance, returning to his seat at the windowsill. He didn’t want to pull his legs up to his chest for fear of Lance seeing him as smaller, but he also didn’t feel like stretching out. Instead, he settled for something in between, bending his legs to take up half the sill.
He caught Lance’s eye, flicking his head to the side, signalling to Lance that he could sit on the other side of the windowsill if he chose to. Lance understood. He ever-so-slowly stepped closer, his feet sinking into the carpet and muffling his steps. The only light in the room was from the bluish moon, pooling through the window and onto the floor. There was a Keith-shaped shadow on the floor which was joined by a Lance-shaped one next to him as Lance sat down. The glow over Lance’s face as he matched Keith in looking out the window made him look ethereal.
Everything about this felt odd, like neither of them should be where they were, and certainly not together. But it also felt perfect, serene. Maybe that was just how Keith was feeling due to his shifted mindset or his attraction toward Lance, but he wasn’t about to ask Lance if he felt it too. Even if the answer was yes, speaking about it would surely destroy the mood. They both just stared out at the rain and the moon.
It was starting to dawn on Keith that he still didn’t know what Lance was in his room for. Before he could ask, Lance was already speaking. His voice was a low whisper, not wanting the moment to break, “I’ve been looking for a planet that rains.”
Keith studied the rain a little bit harder. “Why?” he asked softly.
“It reminds me of home,” Lance breathed out heavily, not quite a sigh. “I used to run around in it without a jacket, but mama would always get mad at me. She just didn’t want me catching a cold.” There was a pained look of remembrance on Lance’s face. It stung Keith’s heart.
Keith hummed lightly to acknowledge that he had heard Lance, but he didn’t say anything. He wasn’t sure what he would even say. But his mind was already supplying him with ideas on how amazing it was that although Keith would never experience Lance’s life, he could hear it from Lance and understand it that way. How amazing it was to speak languages and how the fact that Lance could explain something he saw through a collection of noises was beautiful in its own right.
He really wished his mind would calm down and go back to mundane thoughts that didn’t philosophically question and point out everything he knew while also messing with his cognitive functions.
Lance’s eyebrows were furrowed. “Keith, are you okay?”
Keith stared at him. He didn’t say anything at first, slightly taken aback by the question. “What?” he breathed.
Lance stuck his tongue out onto his bottom lip, only minimally, wetting his lips before talking. Keith followed the movement with his eyes before quickly shifting his gaze away, feeling guilt and self-disgust flood him at the action. “You’ve just been out of it,” Lance continued.
Was Lance talking about the weird rut? Keith was very good at hiding those so the fact that he noticed at all was surprising to say the least. Then again, Lance always had been very observant. He needed to be since he was the sniper of the team, but it was more than that. Lance was very aware of everyone in the team at all times. It was one of the things about Lance that Keith found he really loved; just how much he cared about anyone and everyone. Perhaps it was foolish of Keith to think he would be able to get through his ruts undetected.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” Keith glanced back out the window.
Lance continued to stare at him. Keith could feel it. “Are you sure?” There was genuine concern in his voice.
Sighing, he answered, “I’m fine. I’m just… doing a lot of thinking… It’s difficult to explain.” That wasn’t exactly a lie. It wasn’t exactly the truth either, but Lance didn’t need to know the truth.
There was shuffling as Lance attempted to settle in. Something about it made Keith feel warm inside. “I’m listening,” he assured.
Lance would never make fun of him. Keith knew that. Considering it briefly, Keith scrunched his eyebrows up before answering again, “My mind is just… cluttered…”
Lance’s eyebrows relaxed a little bit. “Well, that’s understandable,” he nodded. “If you ever need help with anything, or you want to talk about something, or even if you just want to relax, you can always come to one of us, we’ll help you. There is a lot on our plate, after all; diplomacy, bonding with our lions, bonding as a team, training, that awful food goo, the Galra trying–”
“No,” Keith interrupted. Lance’s mouth hung open from where he was about to finish his sentence and he stared at Keith, looking almost like a kicked puppy. Keith panicked, quickly continuing, “No, I mean… Not like that. I’d come to you if I needed it, promise. There’s just a lot of… things… crowding my mind… Like physical clutter, but in my mind.” That made no sense.
Lance slowly nodded, a concerned expression on his face. “Physical clutter, but mentally…” he repeated back.
“Forget it,” Keith mumbled, pulling his legs up to his chest and forgetting all about his mission to make himself seem less vulnerable. It didn’t matter what Keith said, he was just going to confuse and worry Lance further.
He liked to imagine conversations like battles sometimes, because battles were something he knew, something he trained for, unlike conversations. Comparing them to what he was used to made it easier. But this wasn’t easier. It was a battle and Keith didn’t have a weapon. He was empty-handed against an entire Galra fleet as he tried to explain a feeling. Keith didn’t understand regular feelings, let alone obscure universe-related ones.
“No, no!” Lance quickly held his hands out as if he wanted to touch Keith, but he didn’t. “I want to understand,” he whispered, “if you’ll let me.”
Maybe it was the way he was looking at Keith; patient, awed, searching for something that probably wasn’t there. Whatever it was, Keith sighed. He had given up on trying to give a voice to his ruts but when Lance was giving him an expression like that, he wasn’t sure he could resist.
“Can you… visualize a room with a table in it?” he asked. Lance blinked in confusion before quickly nodding. Keith would just have to assume he was visualizing. He continued, “When you visualize the table, it just stays there, right?” Keith swallowed thickly. He hadn’t ever tried to explain it in this way so he wasn’t sure it would work, but he was trying.
“Yeah,” Lance breathed out. He was staring so intensely at Keith.
Keith furrowed his eyebrows, attempting to figure out where he wanted to go next with his explanation. “When I visualize the table, it doesn’t stay where I want it. I have trouble keeping it in one place and it just decides where it wants to go,” he stared hard at the moon, hoping it would help him out in some way but knowing it couldn’t. “I have to mentally bolt it to the floor.”
“Okay…” Lance was making the face again. The face of someone who didn’t understand where Keith was going with the topic, but at least he wasn’t giving him a pitying expression.
“And I lose control of the room. There’s just a lot of objects that appear in the room, and I have no say in where they go.” Keith was slowly losing control of the conversation too. “It’s sort of like that in life too, where there’re so many things and you can’t control them all. Because the universe is infinite and life itself is infinite. Everyone leads a life that’s completely unique and no one is ever going to experience things in the same way as anyone else. The vessels we live in are so much less than our minds. We’re all just collections of star dust and space debris, condensed. The constellations are the same as us, with stories just like us, and we’ll never fully and completely understand them no matter how hard we try. And who’s to say that the way I feel happiness is the same as the way you feel happiness. Or that we see the same thing when we look at the moon...”
Keith had gotten fairly carried away in his ramblings. He wasn’t even looking at Lance until then. Staring deep into Lance’s blue eyes, so bright and enthralled, hoping to convey every emotion he was feeling with just his own gaze, Keith finished his rant, “What if the universe was made just for you? Just to be seen by your eyes.”
There was a moment of silence as they gazed at each other, indescribable feelings flooding Keith all over. He turned away before it became too much, looking up at the moon through the rain once again. “I just think we all sometimes forget how rare it is to even exist,” he muttered into the glass pane.
Lance didn’t respond. Keith didn’t really expect him to though. It was the first time in a long time that Keith tried to convey his feelings and he wasn’t sure they were coming across. Mostly, it was just a lot of rambling about anything and everything he was thinking, but he got ahead of himself and jumped from topic to topic without rhyme or reason. There was too much to explain anyway. His ruts had components and to take the time to explain them all, knowing Lance wasn’t going to be able to relate, just wasn’t worth the effort.
“I think…” Lance murmured into the darkness between them, drawing Keith’s attention. “I think I understand what you mean…” Keith’s eyes instantly looked to Lance from the corner of his vision but he kept his face to the glass. He didn’t say anything, waiting for Lance to continue. And he did; “I mean, not completely, but I’ve thought about things like that.” He was staring at Keith with wide eyes, still in awe. It made Keith slightly uncomfortable yet also warm at the same time. He wanted Lance to look at him, but not for this reason.
His relationship with Lance was good. It hadn’t always been good. They had a lot of resolving and building to do before they were able to get to where they were. The rivalry Lance started, which Keith perpetuated, was really only founded upon misunderstanding and issues within themselves. Everything was good. They had patched it all up.
But this conversation wasn’t helping Keith’s case. He was taking one step forward and three steps back by letting Lance into this side of his world. Keith hadn’t been friends with many people in his life and he was never good at socializing, but he knew that you didn’t tell people all your deep, dark, thoughts right off the bat. Those had to be worked towards, and even then, Keith wasn’t sure there was ever really a time when you were free to share your weird universe thoughts and feelings with others. He didn’t feel like the ruts were bad enough to talk about. Yet there he was, talking to Lance.
Something about the idea that he was alone in his feelings made him feel like he was back in the desert, watching the tumbleweeds through the window and eating a can of beans, wondering if the energy from Blue was really there or if he had just finally lost his mind and given up everything to become a hermit for nothing.
Maybe Keith really had lost his mind.
Lance shuffled closer to Keith along the windowsill. Socked toes tapped against Keith’s boots. Keith stared down at their connected feet. “I’m very glad we exist. I’m glad you exist,” he smiled softly. Keith swallowed. “You can share this with me whenever, y’know,” he stared out the window at the moon. “I don’t mind being a constellation,” he huffed a quiet laugh.
The way the light reflected off Lance’s smile made Keith’s heart constrict painfully. Just him, there, with his bomber jacket pulled tight around him, his toes drumming a rhythm along Keith’s shoes, that content smile engraved on his face, the shimmering of his eyes. Keith noticed there was a slight curl to Lance’s hair and he wondered if he had been out in the rain earlier. Lance’s hands were rested casually on top of his knees; long fingers with clean-cut nails. Unlike Keith’s, which were calloused, cut, and damaged with the weight of the world he carried. Still, he could almost see how their hands might slot together like two pieces of a puzzle.
And he could see it; Lance as a constellation. If Keith could, he would make a constellation out of Lance, so big and so bright that all the universe wouldn’t be able to do anything but stare in awe. Keith would make a universe meant just for Lance’s eyes.
“We can be constellations together,” Lance turned to him, smiling at Keith with excitement glowing in his eyes.
Something within Keith came undone at that smile. He was going to tell Lance just how much he meant to Keith. Lance had to know. Perhaps it was the rut speaking, but Keith realized in that moment that Lance had to know. Life and love were so fleeting, so few and far between. Lance needed to know.
He opened his mouth, getting ready to tell Lance everything, but before he could get the words out, a clap of thunder cracked outside the window. It startled them both. There was a glow across both of their faces for a brief moment, illuminating everything further. Keith’s mouth stayed partially open, unspoken words on his tongue.
Keith realized then that he had no idea what he had even been about to say. In what way could he word everything he felt for Lance in a manner that wasn’t completely beyond the bounds of what was weird or too much? Sure, he and Lance were friends, but all the things that Keith felt, all the things that Keith wanted that he knew he couldn’t have, would those words be the ones to knot themselves through the entanglement of their weaved lives, pulling apart and undoing each stitch of friendship and trust that Keith had worked so hard to build between him and Lance? How could Keith possibly convey the way Lance’s smile made his heart beat faster and his laugh made Keith feel lighter than air?
The lightning flashed outside again, washing Lance in a vibrant glow, spinning him into an ethereal being with its golden strings of light, all before fading out again. Lance just watched the outdoors with a longing in his eyes so strong that Keith could almost feel it himself. Those brilliant, blue eyes turned to Keith then, soft and open in their expressiveness, staring at Keith as though he, himself, were the constellation. It set a fire alight within Keith’s chest, overtaking him quickly and closing off his throat, preventing any words from spilling over.
Keith suddenly felt as though nothing he ever did could compare to what Lance had already done. Throughout everything, all that Keith had been through, the only thing he had gotten out of it all were trust issues and pure, unrestricted fear of losing everything he ever had, which wasn’t much to begin with.
Lance had everything he could ever need, ever want. What could Keith possibly offer someone as perfectly created as Lance? There was nothing Keith had which was worth Lance’s attention, Keith understood that, so why was this beautiful boy sat across from him at that moment? Even if Lance did see something within Keith, something worth his time, it would all be for naught. Keith could try for an eternity and still never be capable of returning all the love that Lance was able to give with just a glance.
“Keith,” Lance’s soft voice whispered. He was still looking out the window but his face was tighter, his smile faded and his eyebrows furrowed. “I… I’ve been meaning to tell you, but I just…” He didn’t finish the thought.
Keith’s heart palpitated. “Tell me what?” he murmured, shuffling closer across the windowsill to better hear Lance.
“That… I’m always here for you,” Lance answered, still refusing to look at Keith.
“I know, Lance. You already said that,” Keith huffed out a small laugh.
Lance shifted a little bit, “I just mean… I want you to come to me when you’re worried about things…” Lance swallowed thickly, still staring out the window as though meeting Keith’s eye might physically hurt him. Keith tilted his head a little bit, hoping to catch Lance’s gaze, but it didn’t work, Lance just continued, “I want you to trust me with anything… I trust you with everything, and I just want us to… trust each other…”
“I do trust you, Lance,” Keith breathed, leaning farther into his legs to better see Lance.
Lance’s gaze quickly glanced over to Keith, meeting his eye briefly before he swiftly turned back to the window, almost an involuntary action. The look in his eyes when he did shocked Keith, an electric pulse filling his entire body and pulling him apart at the seams. It was one of desperation, of hope, of relief, of fear, of many emotions, but the most prominent being adoration.
“I… Keith, I… want to comfort you… when you’re upset… I want to laugh with you when you’re happy… I want to calm you down when you’re angry… I want to stand by you… all the time…” Lance choked a bit on his words, almost fighting with the words, forcing himself to say them.
Keith could see hints of a watery glaze working themselves over Lance’s eyes, and for the first time in a long time, Keith could feel the seeds of hope growing into beautiful blossoms within his heart. “You already stand by me,” Keith smiled, his eyes suddenly feeling heavy with the content warmth flooding him.
Lance let out a small huff of breath, almost a laugh, but not quite. He smiled down at his hands, which were still atop his knees. There was a sad resolve in the way his lip quirked. “But… I want to… hold your hand…” he whispered, nearly suffocating on the words.
Keith’s heart leaped into his throat and he couldn’t help the sudden intake of air as he stared wide-eyed at Lance, attempting to decipher the meaning behind those words. “What…?” he breathed, barely audible.
“I want to hold… you…” Lance pushed on. “I want to be your one and only… I want to wake up next to you every morning, and fall asleep next to you every night…” he took a steadying breath, his voice wavering. “I want to be by your side through everything…”
Keith, holding his breath, unable to say anything as Lance spilled his heart’s contents into the space between them, slowly unraveled himself from his knees. Lance could hear him moving, surely, but he still refused to lift his head. With careful, hesitant movements, as though he might scare Lance away at any moment, as though Lance were never there at all, a figment, Keith slid his fingers underneath Lance’s palm.
“Lance…” he mouthed.
Lance startled a little bit, sucking in air all at once. His eyes flickered up from his hand to Keith’s face. Vulnerability was painted so clear across Lance’s face, believing and trusting in Keith’s every movement just as he had said he did. Keith’s heart was deafening. It wasn’t beating faster, remaining in the same steady rhythm, but each pump was powerful, shooting pain through his entire chest as it seemed to desperately pull Keith closer to Lance.
“I want to kiss you…” Lance whispered, watching Keith lace their fingers together the entire time, squeezing Keith’s hand once they were settled.
Keith squeezed Lance’s hand right back, smiling softly as he leaned closer to Lance. He guided Lance’s hand – which was still tangled with his own – up to his face, sighing into the gentle kisses he pressed to Lance’s fingers.
“Keith…” Lance sighed, so loving and caring in the way he uttered the name. It sent spirals of warmth down Keith’s back, heating him up. Lance’s other hand came up to Keith’s cheek, caressing his skin like he was delicate, like even the smallest touch could shatter him, shatter the moment. Keith flinched at the feather-light touch which tickled his skin, but quickly pressed his face further into Lance’s hand, using his other hand to hold himself up, because at any second, he felt like he might come crashing down.
“I want to love you…” Lance breathed out. He stared so deeply into Keith’s eyes that Keith was sure he might drown in that ocean blue gaze. A single tear managed to spill, trailing its way down Lance’s cheek, even as he kept eye contact with Keith. “Let me love you…”
Keith released a sudden huff of air, somewhere between a laugh and a sob, but full of relief all the same. He pressed harder into Lance’s hand and squeezed his hand a little bit tighter. His eyes shifted between Lance’s taking in everything all at once. Lance’s eyes really were windows to his soul. “I don’t know how…” Keith mouthed, the words barely breaching his lips. A small tear dripped down onto his cheek, but Lance’s elegant thumb brushed it away before it could fall any farther.
Lance smiled, bright and genuine, no longer fragile and uncertain. His eyes radiated with pure happiness and affection. Keith couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, couldn’t say anything. “That’s okay,” Lance softly laughed. “There’s time to figure it out. We can learn together,” Lance promised, guiding Keith’s face closer and closer.
“Okay,” Keith uttered, so quiet, so gentle, just a push of air against Lance’s lips rather than an actual word.
Lance, so close, studied Keith’s face briefly, taking in every detail as though he never seen Keith before, as though he would never see Keith again. And Keith, he was sure he was doing the same thing right back. Then, his eyelids fluttered shut and he pressed forward. Time felt slow, and yet so quick all at the same time, as though all of time and space converged right where Lance’s lips met Keith’s.
Keith’s eyes closed too, almost against his will as he fell deeper into the kiss, into the feeling that was Lance. Every point of his body that Lance touched him burned, hot and surreal, as though he and Lance were the only two beings to exist in that moment. Lance’s lips slid over Keith’s, smooth and supple, pushing and pulling against each other as they sank farther into the action.
Keith breathed in unsteadily through his nose, pulling away briefly to release a shuddering breath. Lance seemed in the same state, catching his breath as he stared at Keith once again. And for the first time since his rut began, Keith’s mind-clutter cleared, the table remained on the floor without bolts, he felt planted in reality, and he had control.
They both surged forward again, meeting in the middle with as much loving enthusiasm as before. Each press of their mouths, each shift of their mouths, each lick on their lips, each clack of their teeth, each hum which escaped from their throats, they matched everything eagerly and in sync together.
A clap of thunder sounded outside, lighting everything up once more. Keith could see the reddish glow of light through his eyelids and he could feel the way the lightning ignited fire within his veins once more, setting off fireworks as he kissed Lance and he groaned, low and visceral. Lance groaned right back, mouthing against his lips, “Keith…”
Keith felt the giddy beat of his heart and the foolish grin working its way across his face. A small giggle escaped him as he pulled back slightly. Lance’s legs were stretched over the entire windowsill and Keith was straddling his thighs. He wasn’t sure when they had shifted into that position, and he wasn’t sure how much time had passed as he had gotten lost in Lance’s kiss, but he didn’t find himself minding either.
“Lance…” Keith whispered, his breath ghosting over Lance’s cheek. He pressed his forehead to Lance’s gently, meeting Lance’s gaze, even as his eyes crossed a little. “I want to stand by your side too,” he confessed.
Lance smiled, tilting his head to kiss Keith’s lips sweetly, chaste in nature. “Space ranger partners?” Lance asked, grinning.
Keith snorted, pulling away from Lance to stare out the window with a ridiculous smile on his face. He studied the way the rain trailed down the window, feeling the clarity of his mind and the soothing circular motions Lance’s fingers were making in the back of his hand. “Yeah, Lance. Space ranger partners,” Keith chuckled, glancing at Lance’s face out of the corner of his eye.
Lance beamed, quickly pushing himself off the wall of the windowsill to bundle Keith up in his arms. Keith squeaked as he was embraced, not ready for the sudden action, but he quickly melted into Lance’s hold, his body moulding itself perfectly to Lance’s. His arms slithered around Lance’s neck, hugging him back. Before he could really think about it too much, Keith pressed a couple of quick kisses to Lance’s neck in quick succession. Lance giggled, hugging Keith harder in his arms.
They sat there, wrapped up in each other’s embrace, warm breaths and sweet kisses exchanged between them, bright smiles made brighter by the crackling lightning outside. Two constellations who happened to meet, mix, and mingle in the night sky, who made a new story in the twinkling stars above, who were scared and tentative in their new places. Two constellations who were ready to feel everything the other would offer, to give their entire hearts into the creation of something beautiful. One constellation made from the delicate threads which weaved love.
Suddenly, everything calmed, and it didn’t feel so daunting to be so small in the universe.