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“Hyung!”
Seongwoo looks at the source of the familiar voice. He smiles and walks towards the person who had called him earlier, looking as cheerful as ever, looking as if the day hadn’t passed without any worries or problems.
“Jihoon-ah~! How long have you been waiting for me?” Seongwoo asks the other as soon as he goes near, coming face to face with him. Although he was really feeling tired, he felt energized as soon as he was a cheerful Jihoon waiting for him.
For tonight, Seongwoo had promised to eat dinner with Jihoon and promised to treat him in advance for passing the entrance exams to Sungkyungkwan. It was their mini celebration together, as best friends.
Best friends…
“Not long, Hyung! Just for a while~! How was your day?” Jihoon cheerfully responded, still smiling as beautifully as ever, more than perfect in Seongwoo’s eyes.
Yes, Ong Seongwoo loves his best friend Park Jihoon.
But things don’t work out the way you want them to…
“Are you sure you didn’t wait for long? If you’re lying, I’m not going to forgive you, Park Jihoon.” Seongwoo said, looking intently at Jihoon’s eyes. The other was trying to keep a serious face, until his seriousness broke and he laughed, not being able to maintain himself.
“Alright, alright. I was waiting longer than I should, but Daniel-hyung was with me so it was okay!” Jihoon said.
Right. Kang Daniel is with you…
Ong Seongwoo’s heart ached at the mention of the name. However, he flashed a smile at Jihoon and assured him that everything was okay. Although, in reality, he was hurt. It was painful, not because Kang Daniel was someone he wanted to have, but because Kang Daniel had someone he couldn’t have, ever.
Park Jihoon…
“Hyung, are you okay?” Jihoon asked while the two were walking home. That was when Seongwoo realized that he had stayed silent for too long. Seongwoo smiled and nodded before he spoke, “Yes, I’m okay! I was just thinking about something…”
“Does that something involve me?” Jihoon asks, and it caught Seongwoo off guard. He didn’t know how to suddenly respond to that. He wanted to avoid the topic as much as he would, but he knows how much of a curious boy Jihoon is, so he knows the other would pry further, so he thought the best way was to respond honestly, but in a way that it would avoid the topic of him getting questioned further.
“Well, yes. I was thinking of what Daniel would think if… you know, you had to wait for me when he could’ve walked you home directly. You know how much of a jealous man Daniel is.” Seongwoo answered as sincerely as he can, although he was indeed thinking of Daniel, he wasn’t thinking of how the other would feel. He was thinking of what would’ve happened if he had done the first move.
But he didn’t…
“Oh, Daniel-hyung already knows that I’m going to walk home with you today since you said you’re going to treat me dinner, and he didn’t have anything against it!” Jihoon answered, his cheerfulness back in his tone. Seongwoo assumed that, by then, the topic would’ve passed and things would go smoothly as they are.
Jihoon and Seongwoo continued to walk quietly. For Jihoon, it was the quietest walk that they had together, considering that they were best friends. It wasn’t normal for the two of them not to talk, nor laugh about even the small things. With Seongwoo being the gag king among their circle of friends, it was odd that he was unusually quiet, but Jihoon took it that Seongwoo was just tired from work and let the attitude of the other pass without any second thoughts or doubts.
For Seongwoo, it was the longest walk that the two of them had awkwardly, ever since Jihoon and Daniel became together as a couple. Things just didn’t go well for Seongwoo ever since they had announced that they were dating. And it was the most painful day for Seongwoo, because on the day that they had announced that they were already a couple, it was the same day that Seongwoo was just about to confess to Jihoon. He had prepared a lot of things, a lot of surprises, and a lot of puns for Jihoon, even though it was also his special day.
His birthday…
Seongwoo would always think that it was his fault that he didn’t know Daniel had intentions of dating Jihoon. He took their gestures towards one another as something friendly, since Daniel was with him and Jihoon most of the time, and he would just laugh with the two of them. He never knew that behind Daniel and Jihoon’s silent stares towards one another, a bond was already forming. A bond that would break his heart.
And things would never be the same again…
In Jihoon’s perspective, things were still the same. He and Seongwoo would still see each other and would still go out. He and Seongwoo would still talk over the phone for hours, laughing at the same things over and over. He and Seongwoo would still be friends, supporting one another in their everyday endeavors.
For Seongwoo, it was already something different. It was his false hope, that someday, he and Jihoon would have a chance. Someday, he believed, the heavens would give him his chance of having the two of them together. Someday, he would be able to live up to their ‘match made in heaven’ joke and live it as a reality.
But it was impossible…
Because Jihoon is head over heels for Daniel,
And Daniel feels the same way for him…
As they finished eating dinner, Jihoon jumped his way out of the snack shop and patiently waited for Seongwoo outside, as the other paid for what they ate. Jihoon had been thinking about their conversation while eating, and he couldn’t help but notice Seongwoo’s constant reference to Daniel and him being together. He wanted to ask the other later, but he wasn’t sure what the right timing was because he knew the other was tired.
As Seongwoo stepped out of the snack shop, Jihoon smiled at him. Seongwoo returned the smile weakly, because he was already tired and he wanted to sleep already, with work the following day waiting for him.
“Thank you so much for the treat, hyung~! I enjoyed the dinner!” Jihoon remarked, making Seongwoo smile brighter than he did earlier. They continued to walk home, and this time, the quietness of their walk was no longer as burdening as their earlier walk. Seongwoo was humming to his favorite Bruno Mars song, and Jihoon no longer felt tensed, so he took the courage to ask.
“Hyung, I wanted to ask something…”
Seongwoo stopped humming and looked at the other, his face clearly showing that he was waiting for the question, his image soft and pure in Jihoon’s eyes. If he wasn’t taken, he swore he could’ve fell in love with his best friend’s look.
“Why do you keep asking about me and Daniel-hyung? Are you, by any chance, jealous?”
Seongwoo stopped in his track and looked down. Jihoon panicked for a while and, without waiting for the other to answer, started talking.
“Hyung, I d-didn’t mean to offend you or anything, I was just curious and all! I just wanted to know how you felt and I was sure that there was something going on when you kept asking about us and –“
Seongwoo laughed, and Jihoon was cut off by this.
“Was it too obvious?” Seongwoo asked, smiling as he did. Jihoon didn’t want to be complacent that the other was comfortable talking about this, so he was still careful as he answered.
“Well, yes, but please don’t take it negatively because I was just cu---“
“Shush. I know you’re just curious. Don’t worry, I won’t take it badly.” Seongwoo spoke before responding to the questions further. “Well, yeah, I am jealous. But who am I to feel that way when I already see you happy with someone you love truly?”
Jihoon was speechless. He wasn’t expecting this.
“Yes, Jihoon. If you want to ask, I love you. So much. Too much, actually, that it can kill me already. I don’t want to see you sad. I don’t want to see you hurt. I don’t want to see you ever getting cheated on. I know these things aren’t likely to happen, because I know how nice Daniel is, he just looks like a jerk, but he’s actually very nice and I trust him.”
Jihoon couldn’t speak. He could feel the tension in Seongwoo’s voice. He could feel the insincerity, the pain, the longing. He could feel the regret in every word that Seongwoo said. However, he knew that it was wrong to doubt him further regarding his feelings. The only thing that Jihoon could do was to trust Seongwoo’s judgment that everything was okay, that everything will work out. That he was okay, even without Jihoon beside him.
“If you’re going to ask, I’m okay. Trust me. I’m actually very happy for you, because at least, you found the man that would love and cherish you.”
More than I could…
More than I ever will.
Seongwoo sighed heavily, before smiling at Jihoon. They continued to walk, and Seongwoo continued to hum to his favorite Bruno Mars song until they reached Jihoon’s place. It was finally time to separate ways.
“Hyung, thank you for today. I really appreciate it.” Jihoon spoke, this time, he wasn’t smiling. He was looking down. Seongwoo was about to answer when Jihoon suddenly sobbed, unable to hold his tears any longer. Seongwoo wanted to ask Jihoon what was wrong, but he knew it wasn’t the time for that. Instead, he hugged Jihoon, letting him feel the warmth of his love for him.
“Hyung is hurting, and it’s all my fault…” Jihoon spoke in between sobs, and this was what hurt Seongwoo. He didn’t wat to see the other cry. He’d rather cry than see Jihoon cry, especially if he was the reason. He hated himself whenever that happened. He hushed the other softly to stop him from crying, and then he whispered to his ears, a promise.
“Jihoon-ah… I know love is weird, love is strange, but trust me when I tell you it’s okay for me to see you dating Daniel, because your happiness is my happiness too. I wouldn’t want to witness anything else in the world than to see you happy. If you think I’m alone, don’t ever thing that, because I still have you, as my best friend. You never left me, you just added someone in your life. I’m completely okay with that, so don’t cry anymore, okay?”
Jihoon calmed for a bit, but the tears were still falling, judging from Seongwoo’s clothes getting wet for tears. Seongwoo spoke further.
“I promise that I will still be a part of life, of your future. I will still be with you tomorrow, the next day, the day after that, and the day after the next day. I will always be with you. Is that okay?”
Even if it means I get hurt everyday…
Jihoon looked up, tears no longer falling. Seongwoo gave him a soft, sweet smile to assure him things were okay. Jihoon was convinced so he nodded, but did not yet break from the hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes until Seongwoo yawned. Jihoon laughed at Seongwoo’s yawn, because he found it cute that his best friend was already tired, yet he was still giving time for him. With Seongwoo, he always felt protected, so he always wanted the best for his hyung too.
“Hyung… promise me one thing.” Jihoon said, and Seongwoo nodded without even hearing the promise yet.
“Promise me you’ll let go when you find the right man for you.”
Seongwoo, as much as he wants to disagree, didn’t want to lengthen the debate and he just wanted to go home already. He’s already had too many heartbreaks in a day, so he nodded again to the promise.
“Thank you so much, hyung. I’m sorry if I hurt you. Thank you so much.” Jihoon spoke and broke the hug, heading home. Seongwoo was already going towards the other direction on his way home, when Jihoon ran back and, catching the other defenseless, kissed him in the cheeks. After that, he ran back towards his home and closed the door.
Seongwoo smiled, pain evident in his face, his tears beginning to fall. He smiled as he continued to walk home, caressing his cheek every once in a while, the side for which Jihoon had kissed.
How would I move on if you’re like this?
Seongwoo continued to walk towards his home, his tears still falling. He was in pain, yet he was happy. He didn’t want to move on. He just wanted to wait. He didn’t want to leave Jihoon alone, although he was confident that everything would turn out okay between him and Daniel. He just wanted to be there for the other until they would grow tired of one another. He just wanted to let the other feel his presence and support every step of the way.
Seongwoo laughed at himself. He must be crazy.
“It is strange…” Seongwoo spoke, as he walked through the night, tears in his eyes, a smile on his lips.
“…when you love someone.”