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Kurt knows he should hate Blaine. He should burn all the clothes he has that belong to him, smash all the picture frames, unfriend him on Facebook and delete their pictures together. And he wants to so badly to hate Blaine for hurting him like this, for making him feel like he’s not enough. But he doesn’t.
Instead, he stuffs all the clothes into a bag and keeps it in the back of his closet, turns all the picture frames down, changes their relationship status on Facebook and leaves up all the pictures.
He still doesn’t hate Blaine. Kurt doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to, and he’s furious – at himself, for being so soft when it comes to Blaine, for trusting him, and at Blaine for taking his heart and just ripping it in two.
After Blaine tells him and they go back to the loft, they just slip into bed. They feel there’s an entire 590 miles between them again when they’re inches away from each other. And Kurt feels sick, thinking about Blaine being in another man’s bed and being touched by him in the way only Kurt should touch him. He can’t stop replaying what probably went down with whoever Blaine was with -- how did Blaine find him? Did Blaine think about him when he was with this other guy? Was he better looking than Kurt? Thinner? More muscular?
Kurt starts shaking when all these different scenarios run through his mind, partially from the silent sobs running through him and partially from the thoughts racing in his head. He knows Blaine can feel it, even feels the bed dip a little as if Blaine is going to reach out and hold Kurt. But he doesn’t. And for once, Kurt is glad he doesn’t. Kurt needs time to heal, and cuddling with the man who broke his heart won’t do that. He’s just letting Blaine stay here tonight because he doesn’t know what tomorrow will hold for them and he wants one last night with Blaine at his side, even if he’s furious and upset and ten thousand other adjectives for how he feels right now.
He wishes he still didn’t love Blaine.
Kurt’s sitting on the balcony a few days after Blaine told him. Blaine’s back in Ohio, has been blowing up his phone nonstop, and Kurt can’t bring himself to answer any of the messages or calls. Rachel and Santana have shifts at the diner tonight and Kurt has an exam he should be studying for. Instead, he sits on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket with a cup of hot chocolate and thinks back to his and Blaine’s early days together, stealing kisses and shyly holding hands and muttering how they feel during late night phone conversations. It was like magic, whenever Kurt was with him. It always felt so damn special.
He wishes he didn’t have such a soft spot for Blaine. He wishes he didn’t forgive him for taking his love for granted so easily, but he does.
When Kurt meets Adam, he lets himself indulge a little. Adam’s this hot older British guy, so why not?
Deep down, Kurt knows they won’t last. His heart still belongs to Blaine, no matter how hard he tries to convince himself otherwise. Kurt doesn’t dare tell that to anyone, just lets himself enjoy Adam and try not to compare his kisses to Blaine’s, and the way Blaine would never settle for just one kiss.
(Adam always settles for one.)
And then one day when he’s back in Ohio, he falls right back into Blaine. He doesn’t even think twice about Adam – except to say that he’s “sort of” seeing somebody. He knows him and Adam aren’t exclusive, Adam could be doing the same thing right now and he wouldn’t care. All he cares about right now is this boy in front of him who has his heart and probably always will.
When him and Blaine escape to a hotel room, there’s hesitance on both sides. Blaine doesn’t want to push Kurt and Kurt still has a wall wrapped around his heart.
Kurt pulls Blaine into another kiss and it’s like a spell was lifted.
After that, it’s like they’re back to their old selves again. Kurt is still a little hesitant about giving his heart out, but he and Blaine are still best friends.
And then he’s back in Ohio again, back at the school where he first met Blaine and standing on the exact steps where his life changed. He’s peering down at Blaine, surrounded by a bunch of their friends and other show choirs from around the state but it just feels like it’s the two of them.
Seeing Blaine like this brings him back to that first day they met, with Blaine’s pocket-watch and “Teenage Dream” serenade and Kurt’s bootleg uniform and eyes only for Blaine.
It’s funny how two years later Blaine still serenades Kurt with “Teenage Dream”, and Kurt still only has eyes for Blaine.
As soon as the words “Will you marry me?” fall from Blaine’s mouth – so much different from the “the Warblers are like… rockstars!” from that first day – Kurt thinks about all they’ve been through.
Does he still believe in them? In their relationship?
Of course he does. He probably always will.