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“She is back.” Three words are enough for Momo’s heart to stop. She wants to play dumb, wants to ask Sana playfully who she meant, wants to forget. The memory of Myoui Mina keeps harassing her and throwing her back to the Momo she was after she was gone. The confused, depressed, broken Momo. A Momo she doesn’t want to be, but still is, no matter how strong she’s denying it.
Nayeon used to say that you can only know if you’re over something if you confront it. Momo would prefer not to. There’s no use in ripping old wounds up, especially when they haven’t even healed. Yet. Momo believes that they will. Some day.
But not with her being here.
“So?”, she answers, raising an eyebrow. Sana crunches her nose, obviously trying to keep a straight face. “How do you feel?” - “I’m actually hungry”, Momo hums, but she cant fool anyone with her shaking voice. She digs her nails deeper in her left arm. “You know what I mean.” Sana tries to catch her eye. “Do you want to leave the town for some time?” - “My life doesn’t revolve around her”, Momo finally snaps, her cool facade breaking.
At least it doesn’t anymore.
“So you won’t chicken out once she’s here?” - “I wasn’t the one who left in first place”, Momo breathes through gritted teeth. Sana stays silent, not noticing Momo didn’t answer the question. Momo does.
Something in her died the day Mina left.
Nayeon says it was her spirit - Momo stayed in her room for two weeks, trying her best to comfort herself. She didn’t talk to anyone.
Jeongyeon says it was her mind - Momo didn’t think about what was right and wrong for a long time. She made some decisions she can’t turn back.
Momo thinks it was her heart. The hole in her chest digs deeper, gets more hollow with every passing day.
Without it, she doesn’t know what to feel.
Sana’s and her flat is weirdly quiet without her friends it. Momo sits in front of an untouched toast and cold coffee. Nayeon is at work, Jeongyeon in university, and Sana picks up Mina from the airport. Momo grabs her cup mechanically and sips. It tastes bitter. She can’t be angry with Sana for trying to forgive Mina. They have been best friends for years, after all. The three of them.
Until Mina decided to go overseas alone.
Decided to break up with Momo and to cut ties with Sana and everyone else.
Momo stands up and throws her toast away.
She drums her finger nails on the couch table’s material. Maybe it would have been a better idea to go to university today instead of skipping, but she probably wouldn’t have been able to concentrate, anyway.
Either way, it’s pure torture. The clock’s slow ticking is mocking her. Her fingertips are itching to rip off its pointers, but the silence would just swell up in her head.
She hasn’t been this nervous since her former producer called after her for a meeting in his office. Just like then, she has a very bad feeling about this.
Momo doesn’t know how to react when she’s going to see Mina.
It’s been 348 days since she last saw her, but she remembers her perfectly well.
A small mouth with well-formed, pink lips. Pretty, open eyes that shine in ethereal beauty when she laughs. Pale, pure skin that is sprinkled with moles like the sky is covered in stars.
Momo still knows how her body feels. Smooth hands that used to slide up her upper body, soft lips that used to kiss her hands, neck, collarbones. She can feel the abs on her stomach and her warm thighs when she focuses.
Momo doesn’t want to remember how much she loved Mina.
When Momo hears a key unlocking the door her heart stands still. She swallows the urge to run away and stands up, just to fall onto her chair again. Her fingers are trembling and so are her legs, but she won’t give Mina the satisfaction of not being on the same eye level as her. Momo wants to keep the small rest of the pride that she has left.
“And this is our new flat, I think Momo stayed at home-”, Sana’s voice gets quieter as they enter the living room. Momo watches them, paralyzed, unable to do anything.
Because she sees her.
The first thing she notices is Mina’s different style. Her dark brown hair, that used to touch her lower back, is now blonde and short. The clothes she wore the last time Momo saw her - a tight, pink mini skirt and an as pink top - are changed to a black bomber jacket, a Levi’s shirt and ripped jeans with red converse shoes. She looks nothing like the girl who left to debut with a cute concept in Japan anymore.
Momo hates to admit that Mina looks fine as hell.
“Hi, Momo”, Sana smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes like it usually does. Suddenly it strikes Momo that all of this startles Sana, too, so she tries to make up her poor behavior as a friend by walking up to them and by taking her hand. Also, feeling Sana close to her makes her braver, somehow. She is finally able to look Mina in the eye.
Her heart starts racing.
It’s like seeing her for the first time again. Those eyes her right into them and capture her poor heart to never let it go again.
“Hey, Momo”, Mina breaths out and smiles cautiously. “Nice to see you again.”
Momo swallows. The soft breeze that is Mina’s voice steals the very last piece of her sanity. “Hi, Mina”, she says, trying to sound as relaxed. She is sure she failed. “How did your career go?”
Sana’s grip on her hand tightens. Mina’s smirk crumbles.
“Hah?”
“I asked how your career is going, since, you know, you’re here”, Momo pauses, “and not in Japan. Are you on vacation? Did your company give you some days off?”
They both know Mina is on hiatus right now, just like the whole media does. Her last comeback “LOVE, LOVE, LOVE” flopped drastically.
Momo is sure her cruelty towards her ex-girlfriend only rose from all of her mixed feelings, but that doesn’t make it any less horrible. Momo can’t help but mock Mina, otherwise she would maybe go for .
“Momo”, Sana’s voice is quiet, but firm. Momo stays silent and keeps gazing at Mina. She isn’t going to give in. Mina lowers her gaze and clears . “Sana, thanks for driving me, but I think I should get checked in my hotel now. Let’s meet later, though, okay?” She has switched from talking Korean to Japanese, what it makes fairly harder for Momo to understand since she hasn’t spoken it in years, and Momo is sure that Mina knows. She grits her teeth.
If Myoui wants to play unfair, she can have unfair. She wasn’t going to give in.
“Do we really have to do this?” Momo glared out of the car window and tried to focus on the passing buildings to fade out the sickness in her stomach. “Let’s give her a chance”, Sana said, her gaze on the street. “Why? She doesn’t deserve one.” Momo swallows the bitter taste of being outvoted. “Everyone deserves a second chance.” Sana’s hands cling harder to the steering wheel. “Momo, please”, she slowly breathes out, “this is hard for me, too. She left all of us, not only you.”
Momo suppresses the urge to spit fire. She knows she’s acting like a child, but she just can’t believe that Sana - or anyone else - feels the way she does.
She rests her head on the window glass. “She only arrived three hours ago but already managed to drive a wedge between us”, Momo whispers.
Sana stays silent. She keeps her straight face.
Momo can’t stand the tensed silence between the whole group. Nayeon plays with her straw in her glass, Jeongyeon has been clearing for the past three minutes, Jihyo holds an obvious acted relaxed pose. Dahyun drums her nails on the table, Chaeyoung glares out of the window, Tzuyu seems unusually small next to everyone. Sana blinks repeatedly, Momo doesn’t move, and Mina begins to speak.
“Everyone, I’m”, she smiles shyly and puts her bangs behind her ears - Momo’s heart drops -, “insanely grateful for you to sit here next to me, and for you giving me a second chance.” The silence rings in Momo’s ears until Jihyo breaks it.
“Mina”, she begins, “we are a family and family forgets.” She grabs Mina’s hand gently and squeezes it. “I think I speak for everyone when I say that we forgive you.” Mina’s smile shines brighter than the sun. “Can we get some Soju?”, Nayeon gesticulates towards the waitresses, grinning too. The others seem to loosen up as well, now chuckling and chattering.
Only Momo isn’t at ease.
She endures it until dinner’s coming to their table. Sana notices that she doesn’t talk - they’re holding hands under the table -, otherwise Momo wouldn’t have been able to sit quietly like this. She also feels the other one’s eyes on her - everyone’s besides Mina. They don’t speak about Mina’s career - or about her one year absence - at all.
It’s like she never left.
Momo manages to stand up quietly, even though she wants to knock the chair over and hammer at it. “Restroom”, she mutters, voice pressed, and hushes away before someone can stop her.
She stares at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Maybe it’s the sterile light, but she looks worse than ever. She only put some mascara on so she only sees her greasy skin and lifeless eyes. Momo splashes water on her cheeks and rubs it dry with paper towels, but she can’t wipe her former action’s dirt away. She wants to be a better person - the better person -, but it’s all erased when Mina is around her. She chokes on bitterness and bleeds wormwood.
When she hears steps towards the door Momo panics and sprints into the nearest cabin - just as the door to the restroom opens, hers closes.
“Momo?”
She flinches. It’s Mina’s voice. Mina calling, coming, caring for her.
Momo doesn’t dare to breathe. “Momo? Are you here?” Mina sounds unsure, hesitating, but it’s enough to be Momo’s last straw. She tears open the door and finds herself eye to eye to Mina. It takes her breathe away. She didn’t expect her to be this close. She isn’t prepared.
“What is it, Myoui?”
She takes satisfaction in sounding cold, but it vanishes when Mina smiles sadly. She feels bad again and wants to slap herself for being this harsh. If her friends want to give her a second chance, she has to try to. For their sake.
Definitely not for hers.
“Is”, Mina struggles with saying the heavy words lightly, “everything okay?”
Momo manages to crack a smile. “Does it look like it?”
Mina looks like she’s being put in a mine field. “I don’t think I’m the right person to judge.”
“Well, you’re damn right, you’re not.”
Momo wants to get out out out, but Mina blocks - unintentionally? - the exit and Momo can’t slide past without touching her, and she thinks feeling Mina under her finger tips would be too much.
Sadly, Mina takes Momo staying as an invitation to keep talking.
“Momo, I-”
“I’m seeing someone.”
She immediately regrets interrupting her. Not necessarily because it was impolite - hell, she crossed that line a long time ago -, but rather because she will never know what Mina was going to say. Now, she only has the shock in her eyes and the guilt in her own heart.
“Oh.” Mina’s smile lacks the lukewarm heat it had before. “Who? If I may ask.”
“It’s Sana.” Momo raises her chin. She may seem haughty but she can almost sensing her nerves bursting like glass.
“Sana.” For some strange reason Mina looks - amused?
“Yeah, Sana”, Momo says, feeling heat crawling up her neck. Why does Mina have this smug expression on her pretty, pretty face? “I’m madly in love with her.”
“Then why did Sana just tell me about her girlfriend - ah, what was her name - Jung Eunbi?”
Momo’s heart drops. . She knew she should have picked Tzuyu. Tzuyu can, unlike Sana, shut up for one second about her partner.
“I don’t know why you’re so shocked. Maybe I’m in love with her, nevertheless. You wouldn’t know. You haven’t been here for one ing year.”
She wanted to scream the last words at her, but they only come out as a hiss.
“You’re angry”, Mina mutters, “and I understand why-”
“No, you don’t”, Momo interrupts her once again, heated, “if you did, you wouldn’t have left.”
The pain glimmers in Mina’s eyes and makes her lips tremble. “I never meant to hurt you. I really didn’t.”
“You don’t get to say anything after what you did, Myoui", Momo growls, her anger reaching its peak of burning, “and there is nothing you can say to fix it.”
Mina stays silent. Momo breathes heavily.
The door knob is handled and Sana’s head is sticked out of it. “Guys? Everything alright?” She whispers, in Japanese, and pronouncing the hard consonants softly is so Sana-like Momo starts to loosen up almost immediately. Maybe also because she feels save again. Her anger is burned out, only ashes are left.
“Actually”, she speaks up, “I’m not feeling well. I’m taking a cab home.”
Momo shoves Mina to the side - she makes sure not to touch her with her bare skin, rather she pushes her shoulder to Mina’s chest - and steps next to Sana still standing in the door. She looks over her shoulder. Mina reminds her of a puppy, sitting drenched in the soaring rain, waiting for someone to pick her up.
Momo turns around. “See you later, Sana.”
She was more of a cat type, anyway.
“We’re meeting up for dinner in half an hour”, Sana says, carefully applying mascara on her eyelashes. “Are you in?”
“Depends”, Momo says, absent minded, acting like she’s reading the book in front of her. She can’t see the letters.
“Mina comes too.”
“Guess I’m out, then.”
Sana’s shoulders, tensed from hope, now fall down. “Okay.” Her voice is quiet.
Momo mechanically turns over a page. She hasn’t seen her best friends in a week. Ironically, this feels like the very beginning of her breakup with Mina - when she was hysterical and lonely and wanted to be alone. Just like then, she doesn’t get out much anymore. Mina has destroyed her life once and now she aims for her friends.
“Sana?” Momo lifts her glare until she meets her eyes. “Hah?”
“I’ve changed my mind. I’m coming.”
Sana blinks - and then beams all over her face.
Momo sends her a loop sided smile back. Even though she probably just ruined her evening, at least Sana’s happy.
“Momo! Hi!”
Momo awkwardly smiles at them and then quickly continues to squeeze into the seat between Dahyun and Nayeon. It’s a seat in which she can’t see Mina.
“Good to see that you’re here again”, Jeongyeon grins and Nayeon ruffles her hair (to which Momo responded with kicking her under the table).
“Had a cold but I’m all good now, don’t worry”, she waves it off, slowly catching her usual cool behavior.
Momo is sure that everyone knows it’s a lie, but they’re all too polite to point it out.
Except Mina.
“Glad that you feel better, Momo”, she says. Momo can almost hear the sarcasm dripping from her honey-like voice. “Thanks”, she trills. “What do you guys wanna eat?”
Momo had forgotten how mean Mina could get if she wants to. Of course, she doesn’t swear and tend to say things she doesn’t mean out of anger like Momo did - even in moments like that she holds her lady like image by shooting her arrows drenching in pure cynicism.
Momo had forgotten that Mina learned that from all the arguments they had. Small arguments that grew from financial struggles and hard days, and the one, big argument. That led eventually into them splitting their ways and Mina going abroad after both of them yelling, crying, breaking.
The atmosphere is relaxed while they’re eating, and when Momo closes her eyes, she can blend out Mina’s presence.
She chews on her pizza with full cheeks and wipes her greasy fingers on her napkin afterwards. “How is it?” Sana glares at her food with envious eyes, completely ignoring her own dish. “Say ah”, Momo says, grabbing another slice and lifting it. She lets it hang over Sana’s open mouth - and then takes a bit herself when Sana tries to snap after it. “You’re too mean”, she pouts. Momo grins. “Love you too.”
Chaeyoung chuckles, too. Momo was sure she would have done the same in her situation.
Right now, Momo is insanely happy. She’s with her seven best friends she loves dearly. What could ruin this?
“Momo”, Mina suddenly speaks up, “would you like to watch an opera with me tomorrow?”
Right.
She forgot.
Mina could.
Usually, Momo really likes attention. When she was younger, she wanted to become a singer, after all. You can’t become a celebrity without enjoying being in the spotlight.
But now, when eight pairs of eyes stare at her, she is highly uncomfortable. Momo can basically feel her friends’ shocked, stunned, sharp gazes and Mina’s stern one.
“Hah?”
It takes all of her strength to get the small sound over her shivering lips.“I asked whether you are free to spend some time at the theater with me.” Mina’s eyes shimmer with something Momo can’t identify. The obvious reference to their first meeting at Momo’s apartment is the only reason why she’s able to shove her shock aside and start talking.
“Myoui, what do you want from me?”, she says through gritted teeth. Her hands are curled up to fists. Their friends watch them, eyes wide open, like they’re playing Ping Pong with a bomb instead of a ball. In a weird way, they are.
“I thought that would have been cleared with the invitation”, Mina hums, her expression kind of smug, and it makes Momo’s blood boil. She jumps up from her chair. The other people in the restaurant turn around to their table and begin to whisper behind their hands. “Leave me alone, will you, Mina?”, she hisses. “I don’t ing get it. Isn’t it enough to-”, Break my heart, she thinks. “To leave? Do you need to humiliate me even now?”
She doesn’t wait for Mina’s answer. She storms out of the restaurant - she hears Nayeon’s high heels clattering as she runs after her - and suddenly, she doesn’t care if the others want her to give Mina another chance.
She’s done.
She still wants to know why Mina asked her when she lays in Nayeon’s lap, long after the sun had risen.
Momo sits in front of a blank word document. Even though she has been preparing for a performing arts degree, she’s been slacking these days. Since Mina arrived, to be exact.
The white noise in her head fits the white monitor.
She’s supposed to write a term paper - “Various ways for one to express themselves artistically” -, but she can’t focus at all.
Becoming a theater director.
It’s her second, back up dream that wasn’t meant to come true.
But it did.
Thanks to Mina.
Momo shuts her computer down. She would start tomorrow.
“Hey, Mina”, Momo sits down besides her and rests her head on Mina’s shoulder. “Tell me about our debut.” Mina grabs Momo’s hand and smiles, eyes closed. “Even before we’re on stage, the crowds will already scream our names. We’ll wear clothes that are worth thousands of dollars, and when we sing we won’t be able to be heard because the fan chants will be too loud.” Momo closes her eyes, too, and even though she heard those words, those dreams a hundred times already, she still believes them.
“We’re going to be together forever, aren’t we?”, she hums, not really expecting an answer, but Mina gives her one nonetheless. She kisses her softly on the forehead. “Until the end of time.”
Momo cleans her room to distract herself. She finds an old picture of Mina and her in their Trainee days under her bed. She was holding Mina in her arms, and they were beaming with red cheeks. Momo’s heart feels numb. She wonders if Mina was the first one to break the pose, but can’t remember.
She rips the picture up and throws the pieces in the trash bin.
Momo is already half asleep when Mina enters their bedroom, but despite her sneaking Momo is fully awake when she lies down next to her. “Where were you?”, Momo whispers and snuggles closer to her. “Practicing”, Mina says, equally quiet. “Have you eaten?” - “Yeah. Don’t worry, Momo.” Mina’s voice sounds sleepy. “Good night”, Momo mutters, “Love you.” Mina doesn’t answer. Momo doesn’t know if she’s already asleep or not.
“Momo?”, Mina says, voice raised so Momo will hear her through her loud music. “Hah?”, Momo asks, stopping in one dance move, and takes off one ear bud. “What is it? Is it already time to go home?” Mina smiles, but it looks forced. “Kind of. The manager wants to talk to us.”
Momo feels dirty in her sweaty, old sports clothing, but it’s not her fault she was called after during her dance class. They sit next to each other, both facing the empty desk chair, and wait in silence. Momo can’t shake the feeling of Mina already knowing what this is about off. “Good afternoon”, they immediately greet the manager when he enters the room. “Good afternoon, girls”, he mutters, sitting down and adjusting his paper work laying on the desk. Momo stares at his quickly moving hands.
“You probably wonder why I asked you to come, so I won’t beat about the bush.” Right now, Momo only wonders why the manager only looks at her and ignores Mina blatantly.
“Ms. Hirai, I’m very sorry, but your debut is canceled. Irrevocable.”
“Why?” It’s only one word, but it comes out as a whimper. She isn’t crying, though, at least not yet. Her - former - manager clears his throat, but she interrupts him before he can start talking. “And- and what’s with Mina? Why are you telling only me?” She grabs Mina’s hand and clings to it like losing it would mean certain death. Mina doesn’t squeeze her hand back. Momo is too confused, too upset to notice.
He tries to make eye contact with Mina, but she lowers her head. Momo watches her dropping tears unbelievably. The Mina she knows doesn’t cry, at least not in front of her, or anyone.
“Mina?”
“Ms. Myoui will debut as a soloist in Japan.”
Momo lets go of Mina’s hand.
Momo watches a video on her phone when Breaking News call her attention. “MMS Entertainment is now decisively bankrupt after struggling with financial issues for over one year. Every group and actors that formerly were under them are now either without a job or auditioning for another entertainments, such as the Japanese soloist Myoui Mina, who is officially on hiatus, but won’t make a comeback with MMS Entertainment anymore. It seems like MMS, once one of the best Entertainments for foreign idols, is over.”
“Over, huh”, Momo thinks. She glares at Sana’s phone and grabs it, searching for Mina’s number. Her fingers fly over the keyboard and she sends the text before she’s able to think clearly.
“Ive changed my mind. I’ll go to the opera with you. -M”
When the phone buzzes only minutes later, it’s already in her hands again.
“Be ready at 8, I’ll come to your flat.”
Momo applies a layer of lipstick one last time when the door bell rings. She wipes away a lost eyelash on her cheek, stalks through her flat and opens the door.
Momo thought she looks already pretty hot in her strapless, short dress but Mina looks even better. White lace on her slim arms and pretty chest and a tight black dress.
Momo is glad she’s wearing her highest heels so Mina is still smaller than her.
“Hi”, Mina smiles. Momo smiles back, but it’s way cooler than Mina’s. “Hey. Should we go?”
They enter Mina’s car - of course she has a car -, and then drive without talking. Momo doesn’t know where they are going to watch the opera, and honestly, she doesn’t really care. This isn’t what she’s here for, anyway.
The silence throws her back to the last time where they sat together in a car with the air loaded from tension.
Momo stares at the road. Mina is, too, but she’s driving, after all. Momo is only dying.
“For how long did you know?”
“Since the time I came home late”, Mina answers, her voice casual, but the knuckles on the driving wheel are as white as snow.
”When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow.”
It’s a whisper and yet it feels like a knife in her back.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this to me.” Momo suddenly breaks and looks at Mina, the love of her live, now a mere stranger.
“What about ’we will be together no matter what’? What about ’I love you’?”
Momo’s voice turns louder with every word until she’s yelling. Mina is trembling, tears are in her eyes. Momo doesn’t feel empathy.
“It’s not my fault, Momo”, Mina whispers, but Momo doesn’t listen.
“Not your fault that what? That the company is almost bankrupt, that the manager is ing you with his eyes whenever he sees-”
“It’s not my fault that I’m better than you.”
It’s the first time Mina gets loud since Momo knows her, but it’s not the volume that feels like a slap in her face. “Stop the car”, Momo breathes, “stop the ing car right now.” Mina jerks the driving wheel violently and before the car can fully come to a stand, Momo is already outside. She slams the door and goes away. “Momo! Hey!” She ignores Mina’s apologizing, desperate calls, and keeps walking until she starts running. She doesn’t hear Mina’s sobs, neither can she hear her ’I’m sorry’s and her ’I love you’s.
Maybe the universe rewarded Mina for loving her career more than Momo. Maybe the universe punished Momo for loving Mina even more than dancing.
Maybe the people who told her that professional and romantical relationships are not to be mixed were right, after all.
"What are we watching?”, Momo asks, but she isn’t really interested. “Die Liebe der Danae”, Mina hums, “do you know what it’s about?” Momo knows Mina didn’t intend to sound arrogant, but it still irritates her. Can’t Mina guess Momo doesn’t know? That she doesn’t have time to watch operas in her free time?
“Who doesn’t?”, she says, forgetting that Mina can recognize her lying perfectly well. “Of course”, Mina smiles, “but I feel like I lack some information about the plot. I will get me a brochure over there.”
Momo is sure Mina knows that’s Momo is the only who reads it, but they both don’t say it out loud.
If Momo didn’t know what this is about, she wouldn’t have been able to guess. It’s not her style of singing, dancing, acting. “It’s brilliant, isn’t it?” Mina’s eyes sparkle, and she looks prettier than ever in the soft light. “I guess.” Mina turns her head around and looks Momo in the eye.
“Being critical, are we?”
“I’m not becoming a theater director for nothing, Myoui.” Mina blinks. “I didn’t know you are.”
“I’m at university. It’s my second semester.” It’s the longest conversation they had since Mina came back without a fight. Momo feels weird - she isn’t used to dealing with Mina this normally. Puzzled, she clears and glares at the stage again, but she doesn’t realize anything. Mina watches the play, too. She’s still smiling.
“It was really interesting, wasn’t it?” They casually walk down the street from the theater without a destination. Momo hums in agreement. “Not what I had in mind for my Saturday evening, but it was worth to give it a shot.” Mina gazes at her. “Some things just are worth to give a chance to.” Momo isn’t sure if they’re still talking about the opera. “Probably.” She stays vague, hoping Mina won’t have the courage to expand the act, but sadly, she gained it during her absence. “Momo”, she begins. The soft way she speaks her name still gives Momo’s goosebumps. “I’ve… never apologized to you for- for leaving. And I’ve realized that it probably made it way, way harder for you to heal. This is why I came back from Japan. I want to make things up with you.”
“Aren’t you just here because our- your company got bankrupt?”
Mina smiles sadly. “Oh. You’ve heard the news.” Momo stands still, forcing Mina to do as well. “I did. So?”, she breathes in, “are you only here because of your failing career?”
It doesn’t sound as brave, as ruthless as she intended to. The longer she stays with Mina, the more confused her heart gets and the softer her spite becomes. Being with Mina isn’t good for her.
It makes it impossible for Momo to hate her.
“I meant everything I just said”, Mina whispers, “and some of what you said is true. My entertainment didn’t renew my contract due to financial issues, but I already auditioned for another entertainment, 26 Entertainment.” Momo can’t help but widen her eyes. The Entertainment they auditioned for together before they became trainees, and the Entertainment that denied both of them. “I’m not sure if I’ll get in - it’s the biggest in Korea, after all -, but even if I don’t, I won’t give up, I already gave up enough in favor for my dream to stop now.”
“Are we one of those things you gave up?”, Momo asks, voice husky. She isn’t sure if she wants to know the answer. Mina lowers her gaze.
“Yes.”
Momo’s heart drops even though she predicted the answer. “I see”, she says, empty-hearted, not sure why she’s disappointed.
“Momo”, Mina’s voice breaks, and she grabs her wrist when Momo turns around, away from her. “I want you to know that I-”, she stops and starts once again. “I don’t except you to respond to me, or- to say anything at all, but-”, tears glimmer in her eyes and Momo’s throat swells up, “I love you, Momo. I’ve always did and I will never stop. And I know”, she closes her eyes and the tears roll down her cheeks, “that I’m being selfish right now, I’ve tried to not to be, but, , Momo, why is this so hard?”
Momo catches her desperate eye. Her guts are twisted. “I know I still mean something to you”, Mina whispers, sobs, cries, “I can feel it, Momo. I can see it in the way you look at me.”
Momo always had a bad temper. She talks without thinking, explodes like a volcano when she’s mad.
But now she thinks before opening , and the realization hits her like a truck.
She can’t be with Mina.
Never.
She can’t be with someone who lives her dream, her true destination, her desire. She thought she loves Mina more than her career and Mina loves her career more than she loves her, but actually - ironically -, it’s exactly the opposite.
She has to let her go.
For both of theirs sake.
She gently pulls her wrist out of Mina’s handle and takes her hands in hers. They’re both trembling.
“Goodbye, Mina.”
Sana is sitting in the living room when Momo comes home. “Where were you?”, she asks. “I was out. With Mina.” The name tastes heavily on her tongue. “Where is she now?” Sana frowns. Momo closes her eyes. “She has left.”
Three words are enough for Momo’s world to turn upside down.
epilogue
“Have you already heard? About Mina?” Momo crumbles her script when two of her actresses mumble behind her back. She tries to ignore them and to focus on her writing, but of course it doesn’t work.
“Who?”
“Mina! Myoui Mina! You don’t know her? Shes the most popular idol in Japan right now!”
“Sorry. What’s with her?”
“There are rumors about her dating, can you believe that? Even though everyone knows she isn’t over her last relationship from years ago yet, as she said in multiple interviews. I hope everything goes well for her, she’s an great idol and-”
Momo stands up from her chair and the girls become quiet. “If you already learned your script, we can start, I assume?” The actresses change a look and then hastily bow in front of her. “We’re sorry, Ms. Hirai!”
Momo grunts and turns around again.
One girl nudges the other one. “Great, you irritated our director!” - “Hah? It’s not my fault!”
Momo doesn’t hear them. She stares at her phone. An unknown number just texted her.
“I’m back in town next week.”
And then, another one:
“Wanna meet up?”
Three words are enough for Momo’s heart to start beating again.