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The first time his bad dreams are swept away he’s shocked, surprised but nonetheless in awe not because of how quickly the demons that plague him disappear into thin air but the force that drives them away into a land unknown. It’s you.
You shine like a diamond, a beacon of hope and light in Bucky’s never-ending darkness. You know he won’t run towards you, your bright lights blinding him and every fibre of his being telling him to run away and chase after the darkness he secretly craves. You run towards him light spreading throughout his vivid imagination, his mind lightening and his bad dream no longer bad but for once good.
When you reach him he knows you’re not like any other woman before, you’re something else, someone else. Bucky reaches his hand out to be held like a small child and you grasp it, he holds on tight wanting to sink to his knees to beg you to stay to keep the demons away. He doesn’t but you return, you always return to drown his demons and bring light into his dark life.
It’s day, the sky as bright as your smile. Bucky’s always been a recluse, isolated from society trying to escape a past that continues to reappear but now that he has you in his dreams he doesn’t feel so lonely. He’s walking along the beach of the small seaside town he tried to convince himself would disconnect him from the world. Bucky can’t escape, technology bringing him even closer to the world he’s been running from for too long. It’s so much simpler with you, so much easier it’s just you and him and the rest of world doesn’t exist. You have your own world away from the shackles that bind you both to a world you feel you don’t belong to.
Bucky doesn’t know much about you, he’s not even sure you’re a real person but oh God does he pray that you are. He knows you must be because a man like him could never imagine, create someone like you – a person who when he looked upon for the first time the sun came out as if it was the start of time. Bucky’s life hadn’t started until he had seen you that day in his dreams, two years ago since then Bucky’s life has been getting better one day, one dream at a time.
He still has bad dreams, he can’t control them but they happen nonetheless. The tortured soul looks forward to them on days long and miserable because he knows you’ll be there smiling and glowing as if you were sun herself. You never fail him, you’re the only constant in Bucky’s life and for that among many other attributes he’s thankful for.
Today is like no other Bucky has escaped his small cottage for the beach to gaze upon the sun, he squints hard hoping that when he does the sun will take the form of you and you’ll reach down and walk upon the sand with him. Bucky dreams idly, he’s childish with his hope, yes he knows but he cannot help the feeling of faith he holds in you. He walks aimlessly for fifteen minutes and sits down on a bench overlooking the lapping waves and sea that stretches infinitely. Bucky swallows thickly igniting his daily routine, it leaves him unsettled every time he does so but he knows he must do it.
“If you are listening whoever you are – the girl of my dreams, my dream catcher I want to meet you, I want to see you in real life. I want to hold you, to kiss you, to love you if you would let me that is. Please come down so I can show you how much you mean to me.” See, the thing is after the very first dreams Bucky begun looking for answers to questions he could not find but then he had heard the talk of a man. Others saw this man, tall and blonde a madman for he said he saw a deity with a vibrant scarlet aura. He swore he saw her, she was real and living a goddess amongst mortals; the way this man described her was the way Bucky could describe you: ethereal and other-worldly. Bucky knew then as he heard the village people laugh and mock the man that you were like the scarlet witch – you were a goddess. Oh, how Bucky wished like you would walk amongst mortals like himself and finally grace him with your presence.
Until that day came he would pray and be the madman.
He waits patiently but like every other time he sees no sign of you, he still waits clinging on to every part of him that says he loves you. Bucky’s heart breaks a little each time he doesn’t get to see you up close but at least he has his dreams where he can be with you. He doesn’t give up he never does but each time you don’t appear Bucky warms up to the idea of doing so.
//
The dream world so beautiful but its beauty does not compare to the one who wonders around Bucky’s mind bringing about peace unlike no other. Bucky’s been asleep for fifteen minutes but already has a bad dream captured him, he calls out for you, calls out for the girl in his dreams. His calling turns to screaming when a billowing dark shadow looms over him darkness following him wherever he runs.
“Please!” he shouts hoping to gain your attention but you’re nowhere to be seen and Bucky doesn’t know if he can survive the night if you’re not beside him in his bed. “Please help me!” He knows he sounds pathetic but he’s sure he can’t live without you.
Warmth floods him (in both his dream and real life), Bucky knows this feeling he’s felt too many times. He holds out his hand and as always he feels a power pull him up from the deepest darkest corners of his mind. Bucky’s clamps his eyelids shut as an intense glowing light surrounds him and when he feels it dim he opens them to the sight of you.
“You’re late,” he says gently teasing you. You look at him the corner of your mouth twitching upwards into a smile and then lo and behold a smile as delicate as you takes over your features.
You look down at the ground nervously and then look back up at the man who you can’t seem to tear yourself away from. “You’re early,” you reply making Bucky laugh, you love the sound it’s so rare and special you cherish every second of the melody tumbling from his lips.
Bucky takes a step forward one hand reaching to tuck a fallen strand of hair behind your ears. “I needed to see you,” Bucky replies and you smile down at him as his thumb traces random shapes on the warm flesh of your cheeks. Even though he’s asleep Bucky can feel every sensation rippling through his body.
You say nothing prompting Bucky to speak, “What’s your name?” He asks like he always does, he wants an answer as he does each time he asks but you know you can’t.
“I shouldn’t say,” it’s not much of an answer at all and your words make Bucky sigh.
“I want to see you in real life,” Bucky says his hands coming up to your cheeks and cupping them, you turn your head to the side briefly kissing any part of his hand you can reach.
You sigh deeply smiling sadly at him, “I know you know what I am James, I can only exist in your dreams,” you reply using Bucky’s first name, he only ever liked it when it fell from your lips.
His movements are slow, his lips rise to the centre of your forehead pressing a gentle kiss there his lips lingering for a few seconds. “Just tell me your name, that’s it I’ll stop asking just tell me the name of the most beautiful girl I have ever laid my eyes on,” tell me the name of the girl I love deeply, he almost says but stops himself.
His whispers against your forehead make you think deeply, you know you shouldn’t but it’s been two years he deserves to know. His lips move from your forehead to your nose pressing a small kiss there before they land on your cheek and the move to your ear, “Please.” He begs and you nod smiling at him.
“It’s Y/N,” you say and if it’s not the most beautiful name he’s ever heard, just as beautiful as the person the name belongs to.
You swallow thickly as you watch his reaction and when a wide smile breaks out on his features you release a breath you did not know you were holding in. “Why didn’t you tell me?” He asks still smiling although you know he’s not on the inside.
“I’m not meant to be real.” You say but Bucky just shakes his head.
“But you are.” He says and it makes you laugh slightly because of how stubborn he can be.
“I’m your dreamcatcher James that’s all that matters.” You reply taking a step backwards because you know how he feels and you feel the same way but you are shackled to an existence where you can only exist (to him) inside of his head.
“No, you’re all that matters,” he insists despite how much you shake your head. Bucky walks forwards approaching you and bringing you closer to him, he holds you in his arms and suddenly the stars you crafted just for him look big and you’re amongst them in mere seconds.
“Promise me something,” Bucky says and you look up at him, eyes shining like the star Bucky knows you are.
“Anything,” you say.
“Promise me this will never end,” Bucky says.
“I promise.” You reply as Bucky’s lips press down softly against your forehead and everything stills in that moment.
//
Some days are tougher than ever, normally Bucky’s days are bright despite the absence of the sun that seems to shy away from the quaint seaside town he resides in. Today is different, there’s no smile on his lips no joy in his eyes from his dreams the night before. You look down on him wishing more than anything you could be there to hold him tight and silencing his never-ending cries. You can’t bear to hear Bucky broke, he shouldn’t be he should be full of life bursting at the seams and smiling so bright he would make others envious. You don’t why today’s different, maybe it’s your talk with him that night that brought sadness upon him.
It’s the thoughts that even you can’t make leave his mind.
It’s the realisation that a girl as ethereal as you could never love him. Bucky truly believes he isn’t worthy of love and you cannot fathom why he can believe such a thing. To you he’s the sun shining brightly in the sky.
But Bucky believes he’s the darkness that would ruin your existence, he doesn’t want to ruin you to tarnish you and make you become the same shade of black he’s accustomed to. He wants you to shine, he wants you to be happy, but you’ve learned you can’t be happy without him.
It’s as you watch from up above in a realm unknown to Bucky that your heart breaks, shards of glass surround Bucky and his knuckles are bloodied and bruised. All he can see is red and so can you, it’s as if in that moment you can see through his eyes. You can see the way he pictures himself and it breaks you, how could somebody as beautiful as he could see anything but that. You want to fall from grace and make sure he knows how magnificent his soul is and how he shines just as much as you do. You think he should be like you – a god.
It’s wrong to think these things, the last time a goddess went down to Earth you never saw her once again on land nor in the sky. It wasn’t allowed, you knew you were too close and that your feelings for Bucky weren’t what they were supposed to be. You know what it is – it’s love and you should always fight for it. You should fight for the man who on Earth is fighting a relentless battle with the voices inside his head.
Forbidden fruit is always the sweetest and you know as Bucky slumps against his bathroom floor, shards of glass sticking to his feet as he screams and cries that it’s worth it. He’s worth it. Your legs move before you can even comprehend what you’re doing and you run quicker than you ever have. The others watch you with displeasure on their faces, they know where you’re running to and who you’re running to but you don’t care.
You’re close to the portal – the barrier that separates you from Bucky when you feel a tight hand enclose your forearm. You turn to look at whoever dared to touch you and when you do you’re met with a familiar sight.
“Don’t-“ Thor, the God of Thunder says trying to prohibit you from your destiny.
You cut him off removing his hand from your arm and slamming into the ground. You can’t let anybody stop you not when you’re so close to finally showing Bucky the love he deserves. “You can’t stop me, Thor, no one can. Tell them I’m not sorry, I’m better off down there and if anybody tries to harm me or him they will pay,” you say walking over Thor’s still body and towards the portal that could give you and Bucky everything you ever wanted.
The wind from the portal makes you flinch but you regain yourself and when you do you look back at the world you’re about to leave behind and you’re not sorry, not upset you’re happy because you know that you can finally live the life you deserve. You can finally break free from the invisible ties that bound you to a world stranger than the dreams you chased away frequently.
You know there’s no time for second thoughts so you step without hesitation across the barrier with one place in mind – Bucky’s arms. The world blurs around you, colours and constellations melt into one as you journey to land unknown to you. You close your eyes the images blinding you and when you open them you’re staring right at Bucky.
He can’t see you, his head in his hands as he cries softly. “Bucky,” you call out desperately hoping he would raise his head and look towards you with the life you know is somewhere inside of him. All Bucky can manage is a groan before he chokes on his sobs.
“Go away! You’re not real, you’re not her,” he says and his voice is hoarse and heartbreaking. You know who is mistaking you for, the demons inside of him that refuse to go away. You’re not like them, you want to see him shine the way you do, you want him to cry tears of happiness, you want him to smile. You don’t want to hurt him anymore, you just want to be with him.
You fall to your knees as if praying to Bucky and slide towards him, you grasp his hands in your own squeezing them tight. His eyes shot up towards you and when they do the darkness clouding over them disappears and only the glow of the absent sun can be seen shining from you.
“Y- you’re here,” Bucky breathes out in his shock and you nod eyes filling with tears as you cup his cheeks.
“I’m here, it’s okay,” you say leaning towards him and brushing away his tears softly with your thumb. Bucky cries even harder as you do this, his glossy eyes never once leaving your own.
“How?” Bucky his hands on your waist pulling you even tighter against him, scared that he’ll never be able to feel you again. You smile at him brushing a strand of his jet black hair out of his eyes before pressing a kiss to his cheek where a tear falls.
“I couldn’t stand by and watch you hate yourself because Bucky you are the single most important person in my life. Before my only purpose to help people, help chase their bad dreams away and then I found you in a sea of people. The moment I laid eyes on you in your dreams and held you tight I knew there could be nobody else, that I could only help you because you mean so much to me.” You say and your words make Bucky smile, that smile that could light up the universe.
“I-“ You stop him, you already know what he’s going to say but you want to say it first knowing how much it will mean to him.
“I love you Bucky,” you say inching closer towards him, his nose pressed towards your own. You’re so close to him you swear you can feel his heart skip a beat as you say the three words he’s been longing to hear.
“I love you too,” Bucky says and he wastes no time in capturing his lips with yours. You don’t think twice before kissing him back, your fingernails gripping his biceps as he pours all his emotion into your kiss. Bucky kisses you with passion but above all love. It’s the first time you’ve been kissed and you know as he does that you only want Bucky to kiss you, you only want to the feel his lips on yours as heaven becomes a place on Earth.
When you pull back you fall into his chest, your lips by his heart as you whisper softly, “I love you, I love you. You deserve the world Bucky, I wish I could give it you but I can’t but I’ll give you everything else. Your demons will never bother you and instead, I’ll finally get to see you smile and be happy like you deserve. I promise the sun will shine and you’ll never feel pain again. I’ll always your dreamcatcher. Always and forever.” You hope the words will echo in his chest when you’re not around to remind him that he deserves happiness whether he thinks so or not.
Bucky presses a kiss to your head, arms encasing you and pulling you to him, “Always and forever.” He says and in that moment the grey clouds vanish and tranquil blue is the colour of the sky as Bucky holds you giving you such deep love that would make even the ocean jealous.