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He feels numb. And cold. A chilling numbness creeping up his spine. He thinks he should be screaming, crying, tearing the room around him apart piece by piece. He should be raging and inconsolable, but all he manages to do is sit on his bed and drop his head into his hands. His fists curl into his hair and he thinks about tearing it out, just to feel something. Instead he sighs tiredly.
He should be used to this by now. Everyone who has ever gotten close to him has had tragedy befall them. Balderich, Ana, Jack, Gabriel. They all meant something to him, and he lost them all. Granted three of them came back, one as a villain, but that they were all changed, and that doesn’t erase his hours, days, weeks, years of grieving. You, though, you mean...meant everything to him. You were his entire world. And now you’re gone too.
He says your name and it is as silent as the grave. As silent as your grave. Wherever that may be. He snorts self-pityingly and lashes out with one hand, knocking everything off of his nightstand with a roar. He’s angry. You should be here, safe and warm and cuddled in his arms, your head against his chest, listening to his beating heart. And yet he doesn’t even know where your body is.
That isn’t right. You deserve better. If he can’t keep you alive you deserve at least to be laid to rest. Somewhere high, on a hill maybe with the sun and clouds above you. He breathes in deeply and lets it go in one huff, like a bull about to charge. He feels that way, to be honest. Like he’s a bull trapped in the cage right before a rodeo match.
He stands, fists clenched at his sides and tries to calm his aching, racing heart. He turns to face the other side of the room and spots a picture frame on a shelf there. Hot, boiling rage floods his system and he damn near lunges for it, snapping the shelf in half and sending the objects sitting atop it crashing to the ground. The picture frame, however he has in a vice-like grip.
He stares at it for a moment. You’re smiling, your arms thrown around his neck, laughter in your eyes and a warm glow on your cheeks. He hates it. The wooden frame starts to creak from his grip on it, but before it can break he smashes it against the wall. The sound of glass breaking can be heard even from outside his room and he supposes that’s why the door hisses open. “Forgive me, I will clean this up immediately.” he says, not even bothering to turn around. He assumes it’s Angela coming to check up on him.
“Oh my god. Reinhardt! What happened in here?!” you cry, rushing over to his side, hopping over the scattered and shattered objects on the floor.
He feels his heart stop beating in his chest, his breath threatening to choke him. He turns his head to look at you slowly. And there you are. Color in your cheeks, your brow furrowed in worry as you cup his face and look him over. You tilt his face into the light streaming in from the door and your brow furrows impossibly further. “Rein, sweetheart, why are you crying?” you ask softly yet urgently as you swipe at the tears he cannot even feel.
“But you...they said you were...” his voice is just a whisper, croaked into the silence like if he spoke too loud the illusion would shatter and you would disappear.
Realization is a physical thing on your face. Your brow relaxes and then tilts ashamedly. “I’m so sorry, darling, I only just got back. My comms were down, they assumed the worst when they couldn’t find me.” Now that he looks at you, you are covered in dirt and soot and sweat and blood. He wonders what happened to you, but there are no pressing injuries and he feels his blood unfreeze in his veins.
You’re alive. You’re safe and warm and real and alive. He doesn’t even realize he’s crushing you in a bear hug until you flail your arms, slapping him lightly. “I’m glad you’re happy to see me, but I do need to breath, dear!” you gasp, gulping in air when he releases you slightly with an apology.
He sniffles, pressing his forehead to your temple and breathing you in. You smell of sweat and dust and he thinks he’s never been happier for it. “Marry me, liebling.” he mumbles. If it hadn’t been directly into your ear you might have missed it.
“What?” you pull away, staring at him with wide eyes.
Reinhardt lets you go, sliding his hands down your arms to grasp both of your hands in his, never wanting to let you go completely again. He bites his lip and meets your eyes carefully, “Life is never certain. I of all people know this. Today I...I thought I lost you and it nearly tore me and this room apart.” you snort at that and he gives you a small, shy smile. “You mean everything to be, liebling, and if we must go to our graves I want to go knowing I loved you to the fullest extent of my power. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. So...will you marry me?” his heart thunders in his chest, uncertainty pricking at his mind.
It’s all wiped away the moment a slow smile spreads across your face, breaking into a wide grin. “Of course I will, you big lug!” you barely get the words out before he’s crushing you against his chest again. But you laugh anyway when he remembers to loosen his embrace so you can breathe. This. This is where you belong, his strong steady heartbeat echoing in your ears.