Chapter Text
On that day I was a changed man.
I became a devout follower of the Gods and I learned they resided in the man who saved me.
Soma Asman Kadar.
Before I wake him, I can not help to notice how peaceful he looks when he sleeps. I almost hate to wake him, though my days cannot be clouded. Soma, my sun, must shine. I do not touch him to wake him, how badly I want to but I have no status to do something so bold.
“My prince, it is time to wake up,” I tell him gently as I open the curtains. “Good morning, Agni,” he tells me, sleepiness still laced in his silky voice. He smiles at me and I feel warm, his smile is so bright even though he has just woken up. He is like gold, a gold you can not buy. He is beautiful and precious like gold.
He is my sun. He believes I don’t notice the small things he does.
The way he massages his scalp once he first wakes, every morning, or afternoon rather, he drinks his tea while gazing out his bay windows. Before I greet him in such a state, I admire him. His skin is kissed by Surya, Bhima dances in his locks when the wind blows in.
He slowly arches his body, his dainty wrists curling. “Would you like your tea?” I ask.
The Prince yawns before replying, “soon, Agni.” he smiles at me, something I’ve seen hundreds of times and it never grew old. It was fresh each time, it was a new ray of sunshine each time. It raised my spirits like sunflowers when they have tasted ample sunlight. He has changed, I have watched him grow from a young boy into a gentleman, I have seen him mature since we have visited England. Each day, he grows into a finer man. I am proud of my Prince, it is as if Lakshmi lives within him.
As his khansama, I have seen his bare flesh from top to bottom, dressing him is only a part of my day as it is for his. As I removed his English nightshirt, I feel my eyes being tempted by his skin. It is stunning. He is sun-kissed by the gods, it is smooth like milk and honey. “My Prince?” I ask softly while buttoning his shirt. “Yes?”
“Once you are dressed, may I excuse myself to the garden? I would like to water the plants.” Gods forgive me for telling a white lie as the English call it. “Of course you can, Agni! It’s sweet how you care for them.”
His words replayed in my head again. Sweet? Hearing him praise me in such a way warms my heart beyond words. I chuckle, looking up at his large and inviting eyes. “Thank you, my Prince. I am most humbled.” the words didn’t shake like i expected them too.
I ran the brush through his tresses, they shone under the light. He sat still, playing with his fingers. He rubbed his rings together, I could tell he was getting restless. Despite being a great man, he still hasn’t outgrown his childlike antsiness. I’m not complaining, for i love everything he does. I listened to his breathing, something so simple was so intoxicating. I have left my life of debauchery and sin, I was drunk beyond recognition, I poisoned myself with toxins day and night.
But the sound of his breathing was like a narcotic, it made me sleepy if I listened for too long. I glanced up to meet his gaze in the mirror. He smiled and put his arm on my shoulder and held up to fingers behind my head. What are you doing, my prince?
“You’re a bunny now.” he laughed at his own joke and when I hear his laugh, I can not help but laugh myself. “I suppose I am.” I clipped his hair back with his favorite clip and ran my fingers along the stray strands to push them down. Every morning I did this and each time he was just as beautiful. But now? Something was different, I felt so different. The honor was mine - I, a simple khansama am so blessed to touch a God first hand! Kali has blessed me beyond my worth. I see a disappointed look fall upon his face. “What is the matter, Prince?”
“It is raining,” he tells me.
“The rain will stop soon, my Prince. I will ask the God Indra to bless us with sunshine whenever I pray.” I watched his fight light up like the lights of Bengal when the New Year comes. He smiles at me in the mirror, his shining smile is enough to make my rain clouds go away. “Are you wearing the new sash I got for you?”
“Yes, I adore it, Master Soma. Thank you very much.”
“I can get you more if you want. You never ask for things.”
“I can not bring myself to do such a thing, Highness. I am happy with just being with you, I needn’t ask for anything else.” I watched him roll his eyes and smirk, I can not help but notice how adorable he looks when he makes such faces. “You can ask for anything you want, Agni. You know I’ll get it for you. Do you want the world? I’ll give it to you.”
“But Master Soma, my entire world is sitting in front me. Everything I could ever want is sitting here.” I humbly bowed my head and smiled, he is so kind. He wants to give me everything when I ask for nothing. He is considerate of me, more so than he was before. He asks what I want when it is not up to me. He gives me a chance to speak, I do not find myself worthy enough. He asks ‘What do you want to eat? You are the one who cooks it. Where do you want to go? You’re the one who navigates.’
The Prince values my word like I value his - only his word is my law. Anything I say is a suggestion, it is never set in stone, but he treats it as such at times. Who deemed me worthy?
“You wanted to visit the gardens with the plants, yes? If you like, I can prepare the tea.”
What?! I could not allow such a thing. I can not risk him hurting himself. “I can do it, Highness. You needn’t concern yourself with menial work. That is why I’m here.” I watched him arch his brow, I prepared myself for a scolding.
“Agni, your work is not menial. Someone must do it, yes? Just because you’re a Khansama does not mean you are the dirt, you know. You’re my…” he paused.
“You’re my Khansama! My friend! You are not my welcome rug, you are apart of me.”
How he blesses me with such words.
I do not deserve it.
“Master Soma, you have such a way with words, Saraswati lives within you.”
I finished dressing him, I was at peace.
“Go into the gardens like you wanted to, I will make the tea.” I wanted to protest but before I could speak he chuckled. “And no arguing, it can’t be that hard, no?”
“Jo aajna.”
As I walked out to the lush gardens, I could not stop thinking about my Prince. Everything he says it etched into my mind. I adore him, I cherish him more than anything in this world.
As I admire the flowers, I noticed a fresh succulent and a note.
“Remember when you forgot your money after you saw this plant? A gift to you, my precious Khansama.”
I no longer had words for my feelings. I grabbed the water container and carefully dripped the water onto the soil and the soft leaves of the plant.
“I love you, my Prince.” I thought.
But I did not say it.
I do not know if he is aware of how much I love him. I show him every day with everything I do, he tells me I mean so much to him every single day, but I do not think he truly understands my feelings for him.
Khansama’s do not fall in love with their masters, but I can not explain why I feel like it is wrong.
Is it wrong?
My Prince, My God, you must see it. Whenever you aren’t looking I gaze at you like how you gaze at the stars at night. I would never hope that your nights are fearful but during the summer storms, when you knock on my door and ask if you can sleep beside me, I feel like I can protect you from anything. On those same fearful nights, you wrap your fingers around mine and grip them until you fall asleep, only then will you loosen them!
You hold onto me like I’m going to leave your side if there is one thing I will tell you, Master Soma it is this:
I will never leave you. I will tell you as many times as it takes, I will never leave your side.
I will cherish this gift close to heart, I place it on the table so the sunlight can beam onto it. Seeing the plant in such a sad looking pot - I am doing a great disservice to the goddess Aranyani - may she forgive me.I can not help but admire the delicate green leaves, how they arch and curve, the goddess gifts us with such lovely things. My Prince loves flowers, he loves their bright colors and smooth textures, the way he looks at them when we pass them truly warms me. He never picks them anymore, he tells me that he loves them and he doesn’t want them to die. I bring him flowers to pot and he treasures them like silver.
Master Soma takes pleasure in the small things and it’s humble of him, really. The Prince has become humbled over the months, he wants to be a great man.
But he is a great man.
To me, he has always been great.
He is perfect…
The gardens are my favorite place, the gardener has shown me how to get around the paths. It’s a wonderful place to pray.
I must pray for the rain to go away for the sake of my Prince.