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Yoongi was laying in bed only a month after officially becoming a priest. He should have been happy. His parents were so proud of him. Unlike his older brother, he wasn't fit for a farmer's life, so his parents embraced the second most honorable choice. The religious path that will provide Yoongi well and earn him great respect. Yet the man had always struggled to suppress his reckless side. He knew his mind was far from saint's, so were his emotions. They were unacceptable in God's preaching. The man took a deep sigh and sat up. He understood that he won't be able to fall asleep tonight so he got up, put on his soutane and left the rectory. As he was walking through the forest near his new home he heard someone's whistle coming in front of him. It was slowly getting louder as he walked towards it. Yoongi didn't fear it. He was intrigued. He finally saw a guy sitting under an oak gazing at the moon, to which he seemed to be whistling at. The boy glanced at Yoongi and went silent. "Did I wake you up, father? I was sure no one in rectory will hear me from here."
"You didn't wake me." He tried to remember if he has ever seen the other. "What is your name?"
"I'm Jeongguk." He stood up and now was leaning against the tree.
"Have I seen you in church?"
"No. I don't go to church." Yoongi was shocked to hear the ignorance of the man. How could anyone not go to church? That was seen as something unacceptable by many. The young person had the bravery that Yoongi was lacking when his parents told him to join the Priest Seminary.
"How about your family?"
"No. We pray at home. I believe that something higher is for everyone at any time. I don't see the reason to follow everyone to some place and listen to one person talk about one version of higher power. The power is the same in every culture, we just name and imagine it differently. At least that's what I think. You might disagree with me, father. I understand."
Yoongi walked closer. "I agree. That's something I have thought about before. May I ask your opinion about the Bible?"
"Too strict. It doesn't allow a person to live freely, especially women. Love... It is also constricted at times."
"What do you mean by that? Are you talking about the sexual relationships?"
"No, but those shouldn't be forbidden. I'm talking about not allowing couples like a man and a man be together."
"You know of those?" Yoongi jumped in his places. Was it more common and known then he expected.
"Yeah, a few. I'm sure there are more. It's not safe though. It is not considered normal. Repulsive actually. What is your view on this, father?"
"I know I've been taught differently, but I can't think of them bad. There are quite a few things I can't agree with religion."
"Then way are you a priest?"
"It was my parents' wish. I couldn't disobey it. What do you do?"
"I'm a traveling artist, yet I keep coming back here. Me and my friends do. I travel with them."
"You were allowed to do it? Amazing... For how long are you staying?"
"Till the end of this month."
"Do you preform here?"
"Yes. We actually plan a show tomorrow at the market."
"I will come."
"We won't start it without you then."
The three men were preparing for their show as Jeongguk smirked at the priest. It wasn't common for priests to particularly enjoy such culture. They must focus on the religious lifestyle and not distract themselves with that kind of nonsense. He pretended like he didn't know there'd be a show so he stayed and talked to some of the people who come to the church every Sunday.
After the exceptional performance Yoongi nodded at the men. A shared glance with Jeongguk and there was a clear message. Tonight.
Yoongi moved his eyes down from the starry sky and saw Jeongguk leaning against the oak again. The two other men were kissing also leaning against the tree. Kissing. That was not something people would even consider of doing. That wasn't normal, but Yoongi was not repulsed by the view. He was pleased the two were comfortable enough to be themselves and that all of them seemed so supportive of each other. Yoongi knew people feel attracted to the members of the same sex. In his mind, there was nothing wrong with it. No matter what he was taught.
"Father." Jeongguk smirked with a bunny grin. "Great to see you again."
"Good evening. Amazing show."
"Thank you." The shortest of them all smiled holding the other man's hand.
"You don't know them, do you, father Yoongi? Jimin, our best dancer." He looked at the shorter man. "And this is Taehyung, he's the best actor among us."
The latter's smile was a square one. "Gukie's the best singer."
"Gukie?" Yoongi hid an amused grin while walking closer to them. Jeongguk winked with a nod.
Jimin stood in front of the older. "Don't find us disgusting, father? We are all sinners."
"No. I don't see what's so bad."
"You support two men in love?" Taehyung tilted his head with the question.
"Yes."
"I'm more surprised you know of this abnormality." Jimin commented running his hand through the black hair.
Yoongi moved his hands behind his back. "I found out about it as a child. I don't remember how." Jeongguk raised a brown at him, but then just shrugged it off.
I feel down down
It's as if I have eaten the illusion of you
there is no such thing as forever
even if I don't see it ,it's obvious
I feel down down down
I feel down
but on the keyboard,my hands
play a new melody
I dream of change
They met up by the tree quite a few times throughout the month. Now Yoongi was playing the church organ. It was sad, melancholic, longing a joy of life his person can't reach. Yoongi was playing from his suppressed heart with his eyes closed and as he finished he felt someone sit down next to him. "That's beautiful, yet painful..." Jeongguk whispered resting his head on Yoongi's shoulder in the silence of the night.
"I didn't know you'll come here."
"I might not come to church to pray, but I do like to admire the architecture and the music. Yours is brilliant." His eyes met Yoongi's shaking gaze.
The older was staring for awhile trying to remind himself to breath. "You're leaving tomorrow?"
"Yes. We'll be on the road once more." Jeongguk sighed.
"When will you be back?"
"Before Christmas."
"That's months."
"Yeah..." Jeongguk placed his hand over Yoongi's. "You... Could come with us... We have a dancer, actor, singer... We'd love to have a musician..."
"I wish I could... But I made a promise to my family, to the town, the church... I must continue my duty." Yoongi bit his lower lip. "I will miss you, Jungkook."
"I'll miss you too. When we're back I'll come to see, okay?"
"Okay." Yoongi said pushing loose strains of hair from the younger's face. The other rested his head once more.
"Can you play me something before I leave? Something I could remember every day till I'm back?"
"Of cause." And just like that the finger began sliding along the keys again in a drunken melody of a lost battle of lust.
"Father, you've been so down." His sister said as they were in his kitchen.
"Elena, please... You know I don't like this name..."
"I know, Yoongi. You should have told parents you don't want this."
"Aren't you the one who agreed to marry him blindly? You didn't want this either. We must do what our parents wish for."
"Even if it costs us our happiness..." Elena took a deep breath. "He's not so bad. Seokjin's a real gentleman really."
"But are you happy together, sister?"
"In a way. We've built a friendship and..." She placed her hand on her belly gently. "We are expecting a little joy."
Yoongi was sitting there quietly for some time, but then flashed her a gummy smile. "Congratulations, you're going to be such a good mother."
"Thank you, brother." She took his hand. "You... Wish for a family too, don't you?"
"I can't wish for things like this. You know that."
"That's not fair."
After moments of silence he spoke once more. "Have you heard of the artists that last were here a few months ago?"
"Yes. I've seen a few shows. They're great."
"They're great people."
"You've met them?"
"Yes. They interest me. I know I need to keep away from them. I can't, my lifestyle doesn't allow this. But... They tell me of their adventures... I wish to experience it too... I can't. I never will. So I just learn from them. The young one is the one who tells the most."
"I heard the other two are atheists."
"Yes. They are, Elena. Jeongguk" his lips curled up slightly from the sweetness of the other's name. "Isn't although he doesn't go to church or do other commonly religious actions."
"Brother, be careful. I'm sure they're amazing, yet you're still a priest."
Yoongi frowned. "Disappointedly... I hope the world will be better for the future generations. More free."
"We can only hope."
"We could act..."
She moved her gaze down. "Will you see them again?"
"He promised to appear when they come back."
Father was in the booth as the last person came to confess. The two were now the only ones in the glorious building. "Father." Yoongi jumped to the familiar voice.
"Jeongguk? I-Is it you?" He tried collecting himself.
The light chuckle calmed the older. Jeongguk came into his booth. "As you can see."
Yoongi stood up. "Two weeks before Christmas. You took awhile.".
Jeongguk shrugged with an innocent grin across the pretty face. "At least I'm back." He walked closer, till they could practically feel each other's breath on their skin. "But them again... How could I not come back to you?"
Yoongi's stomach flipped and his palms were sweating. His heart was either beating extremely fast or barely at all. He couldn't tell. "You shouldn't be here."
"I know. I'm not a priest. But here we have so much privacy." Yoongi felt like fainting from how seductively the lips had let the last word escape.
"Jeongguk..." He almost moaned as the younger let his hands rest on Yoongi's chest. "What are you doing?"
"You understand..." He collided their lips hungrily as they passionately tasted the sensual need for the touched that roam across the two bodies.
Yoongi pulled back. "I can't... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have..." He whimpered as Jungkook's hand moved to his inner thigh.
"You didn't do anything bad, Yoongi." Jeongguk purred in the older's ear. "You're just a human. You should be allowed to follow your heart."
"I'm a priest... I gave my vows to stay pure..."
"But you're a filthy man inside, aren't you? You're a sinner. Just like me. Don't you want to let it loose?" His hand pressed against Yoongi's hard crotch.
"I need to be a saint... I need to be a virgin, to... I have to."
"But do you want to?"
"No. Especially not after meeting you."
"What if I'd help you sin a little." He bit into the other's lower lip.
"Please... Not in the house of the Lord..." He cried out a silent huff.
"Meet me tomorrow, okay?"
"As always." The last kiss and Jeongguk left.
The moment Yoongi showed up Jeongguk pulled him in and tasted the shy lips. "I was almost beginning to doubt if you're going to show up."
"Sorry, some work at the church."
"That's okay, Yoongi." He said playing with the fabric of the soutane.
"Jeongguk... Why- why do you kiss me?"
"Don't you enjoy it?" Two mischievous lights shined in the eyes of the young rebel.
"That's not the point."
"Okay... I wanted to. Your lips are just to tempting... So inviting..." He breathed out staring at the pink of Yoongi's mouth. "I know you like men..." His eyes looked at the older's.
"I... I never said such things."
"But you know such feelings exist. How else did you realise it as a child?"
"Fine... You're right... I'm the biggest sinner... You are right."
"You're not more of a sinner than me."
"I am. You never took vows. I broke my promise to God."
"Sometimes it's fun to rebel against other's will." Jeongguk's mouth traveled along Yoongi's neck. "Sin with me..." He moaned into the priest's skin.
A weep was let out through his gritted teeth. "Please... I can't... I mustn't."
"Okay. Let's not do anything." Jeongguk backed away. "I won't force you. Just know, if you're willing, I won't push you away." The back of his hand stroke along Yoongi's jaw.
" Jeongguk... " he was ready to cry. He wanted to loose his restrictions, give in. He dropped his head on Jeongguk's shoulder.
"You don't have to stop yourself..."
"I do. I made promises."
For the first time Yoongi decided something his preaching was against. He wrapped his hand around his half hard member and began moving it along in a patient rhythm. He whisper Jeongguk's name into the palm, which was suppressing the rebellious moans. It didn't take long for him to collapse in his bed breathlessly.
"Did you hear" his friend and a fellow priest of the town spoke as they were walking around the garden behind the church. "Jisoo was banished?"
"No. What happened?"
"He was spotted with a woman. I don't remember who she is. How can he be so reckless?"
Yoongi's mind was spinning and his heart was about to burst out from his chest. "But..." He sounded weak. "What so bad about being with another person?"
"No, no. He was seen with her at her place repeatedly. Someone saw them kiss from the window."
"What about privacy?" Yoongi was enraged.
"That's not the point. He might have had a sexual relationship with her. That is unacceptable for us."
Yoongi sighed. Kihyun was right. He understood he has sinned himself and that was eating him up. "We're not allowed such things."
"No one should do it before marriage."
"God will judge them. They are adults and can make decisions for themselves."
"What?" Kihyun raised an eyebrow. "Do you support that kind of behavior?"
"I'm not saying that... I'm just. I don't know. Why should everything be so strict?"
"It has to be like this. Once people get too much freedom there's only chaos."
"Why are you so down, father?" Hoseok asked his friend.
"I'm afraid I'm beginning to loose faith. Is all this truly worth it? Why must children not have a say in planning their life?"
The younger nodded in understanding and hummed an agreement. "Yeah, I remember when I was dealing with the same thoughts... But I can't complain. I have a whole farm, a wife, two kids. My life has more freedom then yours so I can't necessary understand how difficult it is for you."
"Yeah..." Yoongi buried his face in his palms. "It got harder recently... I-" his shoulders began to shake. Hoseok put his hands over them. Yoongi wept quietly for a moment. "I can't do this... I just can't... I'd rather die, but... God even forbids suicide... I can't do anything. Anything!"
"What happened, Yoongi? What made you so miserable?"
"A person..."
"You- you fell in love?" Hoseok asked in disbelief. He would've been happy for his friend if the other's life would've allowed such things. Yoongi nodded. "I'm sorry..." Was all he could whisper.
"That's not the worst thing..." He gasped at his sobs and finally looked up with reddened and teary eyes. "Ah... I'm a sinner, Hoseok. I can't be a priest... This is not me... I can't be a priest, but I can't quit... My parents would never accept it... Me..."
"Who is she?"
"Don't say it, don't say it." The vulnerable man begged.
"She?"
"Don't..."
Hoseok was taken aback as he cover his mouth with his hand. He started at the guy blankly for what seemed like forever. Yoongi couldn't take it, he was sure he'll pass out when his childhood friend fires up and throws the disgusting excuse of a priest out of his house. Then he'll probably tell the town. Yoongi will become an outside, everyone will push him away. "You... Love him?" Hoseok asked composed.
"I think I do..."
"What are you going to do about it?"
Why was his voice so warm? Why isn't he yelling and calling Yoongi names? Because he's Hoseok... How could the older forget. Hoseok is the most accepting person to exist in this change and difference fearing world. "Nothing. What could I do?"
"You could leave with him, if he feels the same. I heard there are places, where people just don't care about the other's life."
"I can't just leave... How about the church? My parents? Elena?"
"I would take care of Elena. Seokjin is a friend of mine. I know he'll be kind to her. The church will be fine. Well, won't be worse." Hoseok always had mixed feelings towards the forced religion.
"No, no... You don't understand... I can't... All of this is horrific! I can't sin more..."
"If God is actually real and good why would he want you to suffer then? Other religions have much better preaching."
"I don't know... I just don't know anymore..."
"That's okay."
"I'm so glad you accepted our invitation, father." Namjoon, Jeongguk's father, stated as they were sitting by the dinner table. It was the last weekend before Christmas and Jeongguk offer to make it more special by having a priest over. Taehyung and Jimin were also there. They were like a part of the family. Especially since they didn't have their own.
"How could I not? And Jeongguk seemed so eager and persistent."
"Son, did you bother, father?" Jackie, Jeongguk's mother and an immigrant, asked.
"No, I swear, mother."
"He really didn't. He was very mature and polite."
"Doesn't seem like Gukie." Jimin joked. The elders chuckled at it and Yoongi was impressed by the fact that the younger ones had the right to speak without being addressed directly.
After dinner Yoongi has accepted to stay. Jeongguk got him the couch ready. They didn't have another room. The parents offer him their room, but Yoongi assured them that he's fine with this. Jimin and Taehyung got comfortable on the floor near the unlit fireplace. It was still warm from earlier that day, yet that didn't stop them from enveloping in each others' arms. When the two had fallen asleep Yoongi and Jeongguk were still talking. Jeongguk had rested above the fireplace. His favourite place since childhood.
"Yoongi..."
"Yes?"
"Have you... Thought about what I said... By the organ?"
"A lot... You know I have responsibilities..."
"Yeah." He climbed off of the fireplace and laid down next to Yoongi, placing his head down on the other's chest, that was weighed down by the duties and misery.
"Jeongguk..." He shivered as the younger's arms wrapped around his waist.
"No one will judge you here. A hug is just a hug."
Shyly and slowly Yoongi answered it. "I- don't want to get used to it... Once I go through the door... Everything will change back to the cruel reality."
"Then let's stay here... Let's hide under the heavy sheets until our lifetime is over. Maybe we won't need to hide in the next one."
"I hope." You're a sinner. The sentence flew across Yoongi's mind.
The remained scent in front of me ,embraces me
as the time goes by that flower's stem is broken
oh I don't even see the thorns in my body
The passing time
draw the new
it wakes another me
Years have passed, their feelings haven't. They still met up as often as possible, without raising suspicion, but didn't kiss. Barely touched. Tried standing far apart. Jeongguk even went to a few of his preachings. Yoongi tried to always speak from his heart, even when most was locked away. During the confessions, Jeongguk always whispered that he loves a person he can't be with. Yoongi nodded answering the emotions. He was clearly feeling the same.
"Next week we're leaving." Jeongguk said laying on a branch.
Yoongi looked up from the ground, that he was sitting on. "You won't be back soon... I don't know how I'll be able to survive all without you."
"Then don't do that. Come with us."
"But, Jeongguk-"
"Yoongi, what do you want to do? Stay here or be free?"
"Free..." He whispered in the cold air.
"Didn't you say your friend will keep your sister safe?"
"Yes, but-"
"Is the church really stopping you?"
"I don't want to disappoint my parents, Jeongguk. You wouldn't understand with a family like yours."
"You're right. I won't. But I believe I would have just ran away in your case. What's the point in living this way? I crave freedom, I couldn't sacrifice like you."
"You are right. What is the point?" Yoongi sighed. "Let me visit my family this weekend and let's leave."
"Really?" Jeongguk almost feel out from the tree.
"Yeah."
"Kihyun, I'll..."
"Leave? You said you're leaving to see your family this weekend. I know."
"I-"
"But you're not coming back..."
"How-?"
"Yoongi, we've been friends since the seminary. I know you by now. Just write to me. Maybe we'll meet again."
"Thank you for everything."
"I just wish this finally brings you happiness."
The same evening Yoongi came to Hoseok's place.
The younger hugged the other tightly. "You better not avoid me. We have to stay in contact. Never forget us."
"I could never. Thank you for your never ending support."
The weekend went like a simple family meeting, but at last night Elena invited her brother to her room. They were whispering so the parents and their brother wouldn't hear.
"You're leaving with Jeongguk?" She asked.
He should have realised he won't be able to keep it from Elena. Not from her. He smiled sadly. "I'm sorry. I don't want to leave you."
"Don't worry about me. Don't forget to let me know how you are, okay?" She hugged her brother around his waist. "I just want you to be happy... And he makes you happy. I see."
"You also make me happy, Elena."
"But he's the missing part to complete the picture."
"You will see me again."
"Write to me till then."
"Of cause."
"Yoongi..." She gazed up to his eyes. "What should I tell them?"
"I don't know... You always had a way with words. It would be easier if I was dead, that way I wouldn't disappoint them."
"I'll tell them you're happy and they should be too. For you."
"Thank you so much, my sweet Elena." He felt tears swelling up in his eyes.
"Stop." She chuckled. "Don't you dare cry. You that makes me cry."
"I hope I won't make the kids angry at me..."
"I raise them better than that."
"Of cause, you're the best mother."
"I'll miss you."
"You'll know when we're back. We can meet by the oak."
All the pain is collecting dust
next time again go go
I will go go
"It's not too late... If you-" Jeongguk began while holding Yoongi's hand.
"No, I'm glad I get to go with you." He was wearing some very simple linen clothes. It wasn't hot. Taehyung asked him to take the soutane and didn't give any reasons why, just grined smugly with that boxy smirk. Taehyung himself now was riding the carriage. He loved being in charge of where the horses go.
"I'll go check how TaeTae is doing." Jimin climbed out of the window and went off towards his destination.
"Don't fall again, Jiminie. Thus making your boyfriend worry." Jeongguk gigged.
"I won't fall." Jimin's voice came from outside.
"You better don't." Tae's voice was low and threatening, but he meant it all with love. A sound of a kiss was heard.
"See? I didn't."
"I'll reward you for that later tonight." Yoongi blushed.
"Guys." Jeongguk popped his head through the window. "Keep the sexual tension low."
Their first show together went splendidly and in the evening they went to an inn. They clung their beers.
"Jeongguk, why don't we sleep in bed tonight?" Taehyung suggested.
"Well, after the promise you made to Jimin earlier, I definitely don't wish to share the carriage with you."
"Alright, I'll go order the rooms." Taehyung stood up. "How many? Two?"
"Yeah. We shouldn't spend too much money." That was not the only agenda Jeongguk had.
They went to their rooms later that night. Both were had one bed each.
Yoongi was the one to collide their lips this time. It felt magical. After all these years they finally came in contact once more. Jeongguk licked Yoongi's bottom lip and then slipped his tongue inside the other's mouth. It was new and exciting for the older. He felt that he was becoming more full. Jeongguk rubbed his thigh against the grown hardness and grined in the kiss.
"Are you ready? I won't force you."
"Yeah... Teach me, Jeongguk." Yoongi said pulling off his shirt. The younger bit his lower lip eyeing the view.
"Then why don't you lay down on the bed, student?" A mischievous eyebrow raise sent shivers down Yoongi's back as he complied. Jeongguk took off his close and Yoongi was begging to blush. Jeongguk couldn't help as the corners of his lips curled up. "If it's too much, tell me to stop, okay?" Yoongi nodded. He pulled off the latter's bottoms. "You don't know how this works, do you?"
"No. We're men. I don't understand it."
"Don't worry, I'll show you it's quite simple really." Jeongguk smiled into the soft kiss. "We can't just do it though, one of us need to be stretched."
"Need to what?"
"Stretched. Maybe you should be inside of me for the first time, okay?"
"I really don't understand any of it. Do what you feel is right."
"Okay." He licked his fingers generously. "This is stretching." He inserted one of his fingers inside of him. Yoongi was watching interested. Soon a second followed. Then a third. Jeongguk pulled them out. "Now you'll be able to enter, but first." He moved his head down, placing kisses on the way across the pale body. Jeongguk began kissing the hardened shaft as his hand worked up and down. His thumb pressed against the slit.
"Jeongguk..." Yoongi moaned into his palm, but gasped when the younger stretched those pretty lips around his member and Jeongguk devoured the whole length. His tongue swirled while bobbing his head. Yoongi dug his nails into the sheets and bit his lip to stay quiet arching his back. His eyes were tightly shut.
Jeongguk pulled his mouth off. "Relax, love. Feel free to enjoy yourself." He bestrode Yoongi. He was right above the leaking member, which was wet from spit. "Are you ready to enter?" Jeongguk asked placing kisses on the neck.
"Yes." Yoongi whispered, but loudly moaned when Jeongguk's hips began slowly gliding down. He cover his mouth with his hand, but Jeongguk moved it away and used his mouth to silence the whimpers if Yoongi so wished to be quiet. Jeongguk started riding the man below. Yoongi seemed to shudder from all the new sensations introduced by the younger. It was liberating. So new for him.
Taehyung asked Yoongi to sit next to him while riding the carriage. Yoongi did. Once they were on the road the younger finally spoke.
"Tonight. Can you wear it tonight?"
"Okay, but why?"
"I want to marry Jimin."
"Aren't you an atheist? And I no longer have the power."
"That doesn't matter. I think it would just be fun to marry him."
"Alright."
Jimin cried when he saw Taehyung standing near Yoongi dressed nicely as Jeongguk was walking him by the arm. He couldn't believe he was lucky enough to have such an amazing boyfriend. No. Husband. They had rings to prove it. If anyone would be against it they could go suck-
They celebrated at an inn. The owner was invited to join their celebration. They knew him. The inn keeper was a great guy named Shin Donghee. His son Minhyuk seemed excited as well. The five of them decided to finally sleep only in the late morning.
Minhyuk, an inexperienced drinker, fell asleep on the table a few hours prier. Donghee had to carry him to bed. Jeongguk and Yoongi helped and then went to their room. Jimin and Taehyung went to the furthest room to not disturb others as they did their husband duties on the wedding night.
"Yoongi..." Jeongguk whispered drunkenly into the older's ear while laying on top.
"What is it?"
"Wanna fool around in the soutane? Do you want to sin with me, father?"
Maybe it was because of the beer. Maybe they were drunk in love. Maybe it was because he was able to finally let his reckless side free. Doesn't matter. Yoongi didn't put up a fight. He was ready to dirty the holy left inside of him. To wreck it. And no one was able to stop him. Not even the whole world. He was happy and free. He was home. Home was with Jeongguk.
The passing time
draw the new
it wakes another me
I've got full
a tougher me
starting new
the memories
that tortured me ,I empty them and I'm going to fill them up again
the seasons are changing
finding me and not someone else
don't be afraid so fly
fly high up
it becomes summer,winter
finding me and not someone else