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Kaoru never comments when Rei stays quiet in their shared living room, staring out of the window, looking at nothing in particular but everything as well.
Kaoru never comments on how Rei returns with a 180° flip from who he originally was.
Kaoru never comments on how Rei makes a run for it when emotional attachment comes into the picture.
Kaoru never comments on anything.
Rei does the same, he wishes to say but he doesn't.
Rei wants to comment on when Kaoru is troubled by something he did that day or week.
Rei wants to comment about his emotional attachment to certain things and how it's toxic and bad for him.
Rei wants to comment on Kaoru's rocky relationship with his father.
Rei wants comments on everything about Kaoru.
It's because he cares about the other a lot.
They seem to have come to that agreement; neither of them will mention a single thing about each other that will trigger any unwanted memories. They both know that it is best for them to stay that way no matter what others say.
Rather odd, Rei believes as he curls up in Kaoru’s arms.
They don’t want to talk about what they’ve seen, they never do. It’s rather intoxicating, isn’t it? Not talking about what should be talked, going through a routine which would never allow such heartfelt things like feelings , memories, and thoughts that can conquer them. It’s rather cold of them, Rei likes to tell himself as he watches Kaoru head to bed in that shared apartment of theirs.
Kanata calls their relationship a need of fixing, Wataru offers advice and Shu tells Rei not to listen to Wataru’s advice as it’s nothing but ridiculous antics that majority require birds that are completely unnecessary. Rei laughs at them and tells them that his relationship with Kaoru is fine, they’re fine.
Or at least he thinks it is.
Kanata tells Rei that the heartfelt talk is needed, Rei doesn’t want to do it.
He’s terrified of it.
He’s secretly terrified of Kaoru finding out he’s not all that great, he doesn’t want Kaoru to find him disgusting, he doesn’t want Kaoru to leave him. The anxiety of such things happening creep up to him like some lethal dark looming being that slowly wants to get ahold of Rei. It whispers such thoughts at night when Kaoru is not there, they tell him things like how Kaoru might have noticed how gross Rei is, he might be cheating with someone on Rei or maybe he just doesn’t want to come back because he’s tired of Rei.
Rei doesn’t catch much sleep after such thoughts infested his mind.
He wondered if Kaoru has taken notice of Rei’s lack of sleep and how he’s become lethargic. Maybe not, Rei thinks. He blames it on always being lethargic in the first place so it would definitely slip right past him like nothing because Rei has always been like that. Or maybe he doesn’t care anymore? Maybe he doesn’t bother about Rei anymore? Could Rei assume such thing about Kaoru?
Maybe.
It’s possible for things like that to happen. Kaoru leaving him because he’s bored , tired and frustrated of Rei who does nothing but order Kaoru around and whine when things that don't go his way. Like a child he is, he believes he could describe himself. Just maybe, maybe he should stop doing that then maybe, Kaoru won’t leave---
“Rei.”
That voice cuts through his thoughts like a knife; sharp and clean.
Rei turns to see Kaoru being the source of that voice, his face looks concerned and a little scared. Did he do something? Was he in too deep of thought he hadn’t realize his surroundings?
Is Kaoru going to call Rei out for being a reckless person?
“Are you okay?” Kaoru’s voice comes off as soft, warm and caring. It sounds so unworthy to Rei honestly, he wants to say no but he doesn’t want to come off as weak. He shouldn’t, even if it’s just Kaoru in the room, he can’t. Kaoru is someone he loves and wants to only show the best to him because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? There’s no other way around it, right?
“I--, I’m fine, Kaoru-kun. Don’t worry about me.” Rei tries to answer. He sounds a little weak and maybe off from his usual self but Kaoru won’t notice, right?
Kaoru gives him a skeptical look, he mustn’t be buying that answer.
“ Sakuma-san , don’t lie .”
It sounds sharper than when Kaoru called him by his name; Rei. It sounds colder too, like a sharp icicle piercing through him. It makes his body shiver and curls up a little out of fear, Rei barely sees Kaoru look angry or disappointed because that’s just something Kaoru can’t do according to the person himself.
It takes a lot to get him disappointed or angry.
Rei starts to feel scared after he sees those disappointed eyes bore into him.
Kaoru looks a little frustrated and disappointed in Rei, thinking that he’s lying which is true; Rei is lying because he’s scared. He’s lying because Rei doesn’t want to look weak, that’s not something Rei likes. He hates being defenseless , he hates looking like a weakling , he hates coming off as needy and attention-seeking , he doesn’t want Kaoru to think that way.
“I’m sorry,” Rei apologizes, he’s chewing his lips out of nervousness.
Anxiety creeping up on him, having him in full captive and whispering more thoughts about Kaoru finally ending it all right here, right now in their living room. Rei knows Kaoru will ask him to leave, kick him out or something along those lines and Rei would have to find a way to go home without looking like a huge mess.
He gets ready for the finale of their relationship that has possibly been weighing Kaoru down from better things and Rei is all there is to blame.
That finale doesn’t come.
Rei ends up hearing a creak on the couch and something weighing down next to him. He sees Kaoru next to him, dragging him into the other’s embrace and kissing his head. Rei doesn’t get it, he doesn’t understand it.
“Why--Why aren’t you leaving me ?”
Kaoru chuckles at Rei for asking that as if that kind of thought was deemed impossible for him.
“Why should I?” Kaoru asks back.
Rei feels his words get caught in his throat, there are so many reasons to why he should leave Rei. There are too many for Rei to count, too many for him to list down, too many for Kaoru to choose from and just leave.
Rei just starts spilling from there.
He cries out flaws that Rei has; his neediness, his inability to be alone, his atrocious personality that he can never understand why people like, he has no proper base of self-confidence or anything of those sorts, how he just goes around being a huge liar to everyone and himself and so many more that he can’t simply understand why Kaoru is still sitting there, wrapping Rei up in his arms and kissing his forehead like it’s nothing. He doesn’t get it , why is Kaoru like this?
“Because I love you , that’s why I’m like this.”
Kaoru kisses Rei after saying that.
Soon, after each kiss he gives, he starts listing down every single thing that he loves about Rei; from Rei’s singing right down to little things like how Rei doesn’t attempt to dress well for everything, or how Kaoru is in love with Rei for being the oddball he is. It’s all soft and innocent things that Rei somehow ends up clinging onto.
The anxiety slowly sinks, as if Kaoru’s radiance has managed to back away such sickening thoughts with assurance even if it doesn’t mean much to Kaoru.
It’s good enough for Rei.
Now;
Kaoru points out things Rei doesn’t notice.
Kaoru comments on Rei’s habits.
Kaoru compliments Rei when he’s done a good job on something even if it isn’t anything big.
Kaoru kisses him good nights and good mornings that are filled with love.
Kaoru does everything in order to make sure Rei feels comfortable.
Rei does the same.
Rei lends a hand when he sees Kaoru troubled with work.
Rei tries to get Kaoru to let go of things that could worsen him and his health.
Rei mentions about going out more often for unwinding and meeting up with families.
Rei tries to drag Kaoru out of the comfort zone just for the better.
They seem to have come to that agreement; heartfelt talks are necessary and that they do it often now for their own sake. They realize how little they truly knew about each other and soon, they fell in love all over again after realizing each other’s flaws. It puts their relationship and them in a better place.
They do this because they care for each other.