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Looking Too Closely, Fink
They were sitting in a car, parked on the side of a road near the center of town, shouting. He couldn't even remember what they were fighting about, but Steve was taking his mom voice so he guessed it must have been pretty bad. He couldn't even stop yelling, his words were coming out of his mouth on their own and he couldn't stop them, anger was pumping through his veins. But his voice died in his throat in the middle of another sentence when he looked down at his hands. They were clenching the steering wheel, his knuckles stiff and white. He felt the need to hit something, to punch someone. His face drained out of colors, as he slowly widened his eyes in realization. Steve's voice suddenly drawed his attention back to him, shouting at him how lucky he was to be dating a real maniac.
“You should just go and be with someone else!” Billy shouted, suddenly getting out of the car.
It took Steve a second to react, bewildered by this sudden outburst. He blinked, staring at the empty place next to him, and quickly followed his boyfriend out of the car. Billy was walking away from him at an angry, fast pace. Steve had to jog a little to catch up with him, and put a hand on his shoulder to stop him, asking him why he was saying that.
“Why?! I'll tell you fucking why: I'm not good!” Billy shouted, suddenly turning around. “I'm not even good for myself, why would I be good for you?!”
Steve almost took a step back, taken aback by the sorrow and self-hatred that were filling the blond's eyes. “What do you...” he started saying, when he noticed the tears gathering on Billy's eyelashes. The young man looked away, refusing to cry in front of him, and lifted his chin in a vain attempt to stop the tears from shredding. “Billy...” Steve whispered in a sad voice he knew his boyfriend would hate.
“You're never going to hurt me.”
These few words were enough to make him break down, as Billy tried to give him a bitter laugh, accidently letting out a choked sob instead. He shook his head, looking down, and swallowed back the lump in his throat. “I hurt everyone.” he said in a broken voice, not even bothering to try to look strong anymore. “I fucking hurt everyone and I will hurt you too.”
He waited a few seconds for an answer, and ended up thinking that Steve was just going to walk away, that he was just going to give up on him like everyone else. He pursed his lips, and was about to turn around when he suddenly felt two arms pulling him into a tight, warm embrace.
“You won't hurt me.” Steve's soothing voice whispered next to his ear. “And I don't care if you think you will, because I know you won't. That's all that matter.”
Billy hesitantly responded to the embrace, and closed his eyes, feeling tears dropping from his eyelashes onto his cheeks. “I hate you so much for trusting me.”
Ocean eyes, Billie Eilish
There was something about Billy's eyes that obsessed Steve. He had never really cared about the color of people eyes, he never cared about Nancy's. He didn't really even know what color they were, brown if he remembered right, all he knew was that she had pretty features and doe eyes. But Billy had pretty features too, the difference was that there was something interesting about his eyes, captivating. They hid a certain vulnerability that Steve only started noticing one morning, when the blond came to school two hours late with a bruise on his cheek and a cut on his lips. His frown couldn't do much to hide the sorrow that were sparkling in his eyes.
From this day, he would always look deep into Billy's eyes as if he was trying to reach again the vulnerability he saw that day. He would go past the anger, the frustration, the annoyance, diving deep into the ocean to find a new treasure he couldn't stop thinking about.
Steve had a problem with Billy's blue eyes. And he especially hated the way they would always contrast with the black bruises around his eyes.
Mardy Bum, Arctic Monkeys
Steve, like every single person on Earth, had two very distinct side of personnality. Or, like Billy liked to say, he swung both way. There would be the happy Steve, always smiling like an idiot while looking at the nerdy children he had adopted, or laughing at his own dorky jokes, or the mom Steve, the one Billy hated, with the frown and the dish towel on the shoulder.
But, even though he hated this side, there was some really appealing things Steve would do while being mad that Billy found himself weirdly attracted to. The blond couldn't help himself, he loved the frown Steve would wear, the thunder hidden behind his stern look, the way he would absent-mindely bite his lower lips in frustration in front of his boyfriend amusement during their argument. But, even though Billy loved this side of him, he knew there was no way he could sleep in the same bed as mom Steve, and he was definitely not sleeping in his own room tonight.
“Alright, alright...” Billy sighed, putting his hands in front of him in sign of surrender. “I won't make fun of your Farrah Faucet spray again.”
Blow your mind, Dua Lipa
“If you don't like me then why am I on your mind?”
Steve stared at Billy for a few seconds with wide eyes, dumbfounded. It took him a few seconds to process what he had just said, before he let out an awkward laugh, sputtering that he wasn't on his mind, that he was probably the last thing on his mind, digging himself a hole. He looked at Billy again, meeting his amused eyes, and suddenly felt anger overwhelming him again. How dared this annoying asshole look at him this way with his attractive smirk and adorable crinkled eyes?
“You're an ass.” he spat, crossing his arms while looking at him defiantly.
“Yeah.” Billy shrugged, unimpressed. “And you love it.” he then smirked, before walking away without another glance in Steve's direction.
Steve pursed his lips, glaring daggers at Billy's back. He hated him. Him and his stupid pretty face.
Bohemian Bird, Grizfolk
It was supposed to be beautiful. It was supposed to be their freedom, a breathtaking roadtrip that would finally make them feel alive, that would make them want to scream at the top of their lungs on some cliff edge and blast their music on the radio. But, when Billy glanced at Steve from the corner of his eyes, all he could see was sorrow, and nothing could have hurt him more. He felt his stomach twist as he noticed the regret filling his boyfriend's eyes as they drove further away from their old town. He thought this would be a wonderful moment, a journey he would never forget, but he was slowly realizing that, while he had lost nothing while leaving town, Steve had left his entire life behind him. He had lost his family, his friend, his house, and then what was left? Just Billy. And he knew he wasn't enough.
Billy could feel tears gathering on his eyelashes, and pursed his lips, taking his eyes back on the road to try to focus on something else. But every time his thoughts drifted away, he was reminded of what he had just done to Steve, and he suddenly felt like he couldn't breath anymore. He swallowed back the lump in his throat, feeling his leg jittering beneath him, when he suddenly felt a warm hand on his thigh, squeezing lightly in a mark of affection. He glanced at Steve, meeting his brown eyes filled with affection and fondness, and felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Maybe he was enough.
Homemade Dynamite, Lorde
At first, Steve expected nothing from this party but a huge disappointment. He had been single for a few weeks now, and still felt really lost and dumb and terribly lonely. He kept seeing Jonathan and Nancy everywhere together, and needed to think about something else, so he went to get himself completely wrecked in a party from someone he didn't even know that much. He had barely started his fifth drink when he saw him across the room. Billy Hargrove, the asshole he had been trying to avoid for weeks. He had tried apologizing to him once, but Steve had just shrugged and walked away, too tired for these things.
If he wasn't drunk, Steve probably would have just walked away, but he had had a couple of drinks, and he was terribly dumb, so he went directly to him, challenging him in a drinking contest, because he was fucked up, and sad, and he wanted to get even more fucked up. Billy gave him an amused look, a little confused by this sudden change of behavior, but accepted anyway. This probably would explain why one hour later, they were both dancing together, moving and rubbing, and not caring about how sweaty the other was, or about how they were getting closer and closer through the minute.
If someone asked Steve, he would tell them that he wasn't the one who went in for a kiss. He would immediately deny how he had threw himself on Billy, or how he had been staring at his lips for most of the night. The only thing that he wouldn't be able to deny was that Billy's lips felt like cigarette and alcohol, but he couldn't care less about the taste when his lips felt so warm against his.
1-800-273-8255, Logic
“Billy?? Where the hell are you?” the voice shouted in his ear, making him wince. “You haven't been to practice for already three days, the coach is going insane.”
“I'm busy.” he grumbled back, visibly annoyed.
“... Are you alright?”
“I said I'm busy.” Billy grunted again, hanging up before Steve could even answer.
The young man threw his phone away, and looked back to the dark sky in front of him. What's the day without a little night? His mother used to say that to him a lot, it was like a mantra, something she wanted him to remember to go through life. She probably knew how hard it would be for him. She knew, and yet she left him. She kept saying it everytime something was wrong, she even said it on her death bed, and it made Billy so angry at the time. He had never felt so mad, he could feel his blood boiling under his skin. He didn't know at the time the feeling would never go away.
He was now sitting on his car's hood, watching the few lights of this boring, dead city he could see from up there. The sun had already settled even though it was still really early in the evening, or late in the afternoon, and his whole body was shaking, his jacket barely protecting his skin from the freezing weather. The metal in his hand felt terribly cold, and he almost wanted to put it down, but his hand felt like glued to it. He was holding onto it for dear life. He looked down at his father's gun, carefully putting his thumb over the trigger. The gun his father had already threatened him a few times with when he was awfully drunk. Billy couldn't help himself but let out a bitter laugh at the thought of this. How ironic, in the end he would be the one hurting himself with it.
He looked up again, his stern eyes going over the view in front of him. He didn't even feel sad anymore. He couldn't feel anything, he was so numb. He had nothing, not even a single emotion. Why would he even want to go on with life? He didn't have a home anymore, he didn't have a place he wanted to get back to in the end of the day. He didn't have someone to call at the end of the day, someone to save him, they were all gone. He had been praying for somebody to save him, but no one was heroic. He lifted his shaking hand in front of him, staring at his with a stern look, and felt tears prickling the corner of his eyes. He didn't want to. He desesperately needed someone to stop him, but he knew it wouldn't happen.
Sirens were probably the last thing he expected to hear. As they got closer, Billy closed his eyes, letting out a laugh filled with tears, silently cursing Steve. He felt the sheriff's hand on his shoulder, and dropped the gun, still shaking with laughter. He couldn't have looked crazier at the moment. He had been praying for somebody to save him, and King Steve was too heroic not to hear him.
Glorious, Macklemore & Skylar Grey
Billy Hargrove knew it was the moment. He knew it was the moment of his life he would remember later when thinking of happy memories when he looked into his rear-view mirror, and saw five annoying children clumped together in the back of his car, chatting actively about some movie. They were loud, and probably way too many in the back of his car for it to be safe, and yet he didn't care the slightest. He still rolled his eyes and huffed a few times for his reputation, but Steve, seated right next to him in the passenger seat, could see the fondness sparkling in his boyfriend's eyes.
He was driving them to a lake the kids had insisted on going for the past weeks, arguing about how El had never gone swimming before and how it was unacceptable, and after days of Steve annoying him with the subject, Billy had finally given in. He kept telling Steve about how he knew it was a bad idea, but, as he looked at the rear-view mirror, he couldn't help but feel a warm sensation in his chest. They were all together, they all wanted him to be there, they liked him, and Steve loved him. He had found his place. He finally knew where he belonged.
He couldn't say he didn't wish things had begun differently. He would have gladly went past the months of apologies and of slowly becoming trustworthy again. It had been long, and annoying, and it had involed a lot of food and car rides. But now, he couldn't be happier of how things were. If he ignored the constant bickering between Lucas and Dustin, the weird questions from El, and the ridiculous pranks from Max, he would definitely say it was the happiest time of his life. He felt glorious. He had a chance to start again, and this time, he wasn't alone.
Sorry not sorry, Demi Lovato
Steve had noticed the looks Nancy gave him when he was with Billy, and he probably enjoyed it a little too much. He knew it wasn't fair, playing with her nerves like that, but he knew a lot of other things that weren't fair, and what she had done was probably part of it. He didn't want to play nice anymore. He didn't want to go after her, but he just didn't care if his actions hurt her feelings anymore. She hadn't cared about his, had she?
It had started with just leaning a little closer to Billy while they talked, then putting his hand a little low on his back while they walked, and it had ended with kissing him right when she walked past them, tongues involved. Billy had been quick to notice his little game, and, when Steve thought it would have offended him, he had actually took part of it, and things got worse.
Steve knew it wasn't fair, he knew he shouldn't do that, he even knew that at one point, when Billy got involved, it even started being mean, but he couldn't help it. He wished he could stop this game, but Billy's crooked smile after they had just played was his weakness, and there suddenly wasn't rules anymore.
Immigrant Song, Led Zeppelin
“Guys, if you wanted to kill me, probably should have done that while I was asleep.” Billy snorted, taking a practice swing with his bat. “Taking me to the dump for a ''hunt'' and hope I will be killed by some sort of bear aliens is kind of excessive.”
Steve rolled his eyes, as he looked away from the window, glancing at Billy. He retorted that they wouldn't even fight it, and that the trap was supposed to be enough. Billy laughed at that. “Yeah, sure, your trap will be enough.” he mocked, without even glancing at Steve.
The brunet shook his head, looked behind him, exchanging a look with Dustin whose eyes clearly told him to just lock Billy out of the van and hope for the best. He was about to tell Billy to just give him back the nailed bat, because, after all, he was the one in charge here, when Lucas suddenly drawed his attention back to their mission saying that he could see the beast.
He looked outside the window, and saw that nothing was going for the bet. “See? Your trap isn't working.” Billy sighed behind him, not even slightly worried. “Why would they want this if we're right here.” Steve widened his eyes, silently cursing his stupidity, and grabbed a long wooden stick similar to a bat they had found in the dump earlier. “Then I'm going out.” he said, determined to protect the kids.
“And I guess I'm going too.” Billy said right behind him. “Honestly, fuck you. Fuck all of you. I'm not really fond of dying.”
“Well, you know what-” Steve shouted, suddenly turning around.
He wasn't expecting Billy to kiss him. Not at all. And he really hoped it wasn't a sort of goodbye kiss, because it was lame, and because he really didn't want it to be the last.
“Let's go kill some aliens.” Billy grinned, walking out of the van before Steve could even react.
Yeah. Steve thought. Definitely a goodbye kiss, but definitely not the last one.