Chapter Text
SIMON
I can tell that everyone’s watching me.
There’s Rhys, head turned, looking worried. Agatha, who’s wincing and leaning back, even though nothing’s exploded yet. Dev and Niall, exchanging glances and snickering. Even Penny, the only one not looking at me like I’m definitely about to fuck this up. And Baz, of course, his lip curled, his eyes gleaming.
I take a deep breath and point my wand at the pot on the table in front of me. I try to keep my arm steady, like I’ve been taught all these years. I picture my magic like fire mixing with my blood and I imagine it all rushing into my arm, into the spell.
‘Double, double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble!’
Nothing explodes. Nothing catches fire or turns to ash. I guess it’s an improvement on last year’s mid-semester Elocution test. Bubbles appear in the pot and steam rushes towards my face, but that’s all. Even a first year could heat a pot of water. Agatha looks relieved. So does most of the class. Penny has a sympathetic look on her face, and I hear her voice in my head tsk-ing at me and telling me I just need to try again. Keep practicing. Dev and Niall look disappointed. Baz’s face is stone.
I go back to my seat. That went better than I thought it would.
‘Congratulations,’ says Baz over his shoulder. ‘The Chosen One can’t cast Shakespeare, but at least you didn’t destroy anything.’
I look at him. I count to three in my head. I take three deep breaths. Just like T – my online friend – taught me.
Next time he gives you a hard time, I’ll fight him for you.
I almost smile.
I mean it. Magic wands and curses and the lot.
I’ve been messaging T for about three months now. I don’t even know his real name, and he just knows me as S. He’s probably a Normal, and he has no idea what kind of school I go to, but he knows that I struggle and that I have a git of a roommate. He doesn’t know about spells and vampires and evil magic-sucking monsters. But most importantly, he doesn’t know that I’m the Chosen One. He doesn’t expect me to save the world. He doesn’t care how badly I fuck up.
He told me to take deep breaths, count to three, and think about him whenever I get upset. He told me to remember that the opinions that matter aren’t those of the people who don’t care about me.
He told me that he cares about me.
So I stare back at Baz, and I smile.
BAZ
Snow smiles, and I look away.
I shouldn’t even have said anything. We’ve barely talked for weeks now. (Not that we talk; we argue.) We’ve both always avoided the room as much as we could, but now it seems like he’s never there. He doesn’t even bother going to watch my football games anymore, which shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. I don’t know where – or with whom – he spends his time.
I don’t think about him when he’s gone. I really don’t.
I talk to S instead.
S: hey. had a shitty day. talk to me
T: Hi. What happened? If it’s any consolation, I had a pretty shitty day too.
S: just that i suck at everything.
T: I’m sorry you had a shitty day. You don’t suck at everything. You must have some talent.
T: You have a talent for never using any capitalisation, for starters.
S: i forgot that you’re a genius at everything and can’t relate
S: so why was your day shitty?
T: Oh, you know, just normal teenage angst. Family drama, evil head of school, unrequited love. The usual.
S: that sucks
S: though i hope you’re joking about the unrequited love
S: here i was thinking we had something
T: I can’t tell if you mean that.
S: i do
SIMON
I’m in the library. Penny probably thinks I’m studying. She’s not even studying; she’s looking up information about some magickal conspiracy in South America. It has nothing to do with any of our classes.
I keep checking my email and waiting for T to reply, but he hasn’t yet. I know it could never work out. We probably don’t live anywhere near each other. I couldn’t leave Watford even just to meet him even if I wanted to, not without approval from the Mage, and when I’m so far behind at school anyway. Then there’s the fact that I’m supposed to save the entire World of Mages that T probably doesn’t even know exists, unless he’s also a mage by some miracle. And even then, if he ever knew me in real life, he’d realise that I’m a total mess.
So I don’t really know why I said it. Maybe because it’s true. This thing we have can never really be something, but it means something to me.
T: Good.
T: I talk to you because I feel like you really know me, even though you don’t know anything about me.
T: I talk to you because you don’t expect anything from me, and I don’t get that a lot in my life.
T: I talk to you because I feel like you trust me and you like talking to me.
T: And that means a lot to me.
T: I just wanted to say that.
Penny’s watching me with her eyes narrowed. I try not to smile too much.
S: I feel the exact same way.
BAZ
It’s not that I’m lying to him. Exactly.
It’s just that maybe the biggest reason I talk to him, and the one I don’t like to think about, is that he reminds me of Snow.
In a world where Snow doesn’t hate me. One where I never tried to hurt him. One where he could fall for me.
And it’s so easy to pretend when he won’t tell me his name.