Work Text:
Himchan was used to sitting beside YongGuk in every interview, photo shoot, car ride, airplane trips, and even shared hotel rooms. Being the oldest in the group, the responsibility of acting like so, was huge for them too. So, within time, Himchan grew quite attached to YongGuk, to the point of feeling something much more than friendship or brotherhood, seeing the other guys as their children and identifying as parents for them. Himchan noticed even the slightest details regarding Gukkie, that particular scent he enabled the moment he walked pass by, the moment when YongGuk was either happy or sad, especially when he gets on his writing zone, in which, he forgets the world and gets sucked in by his work. Everything about YongGuk captivated Himchan, there was something about that gummy smile of his.
The ‘Live on Earth’ concert was finally complete, with their last concert being at home, in Seoul, the boys deserved a nice long break before coming out with a new album. One faithful night, though, YongGuk had been hiding away at the production studio on their day off. Which didn’t surprise any of the members of B.A.P, YongGuk was that type of workaholic. Knowing this, Himchan made his way over to the studio with food and alcoholic beverages for the both of them, being the eldest came with its privileges. Upon seeing Himchan walk through the door, YongGuk took off his headphones looking over at him relieved, as if he was looking for an excuse to go on break after working overnight on some new content.
“I figured you’d be hungry after working for so long, YongGuk-ah!” Himchan grinned as he put down the bags and took the food out for the leader of the group.
YongGuk nodded as he raided the bag that had the drinks in, he pulled one out and grinned. “Thank you, Channie, I was getting quite lonely.”
Himchan blushed slightly upon hearing that nickname escape the tan man’s lips, he grinned back and ate happily beside his hyung. YongGuk chugged on his drink rather than attempting to eat solid food, seemed like he was in need of a little alcohol in his system, so Himchan joined him. They joked around, talked about the other boys, how much Junhong had grown since their debut days, the day they broke the stage from stomping repeatedly during a ‘Warrior’ performance. How Daehyun and YoungJae made such a great pair that it was even reflected through their music and the way that Junhong and JongUp seemed to be in sync every time they danced even if it was improvised. After a few drinks, it became rather quiet between the hyungs, Himchan understood that it was mostly in YongGuk’s nature but also, that he was extremely tired. YongGuk snuggled into his hoodie, slightly buzzed from the alcohol intake, he proceeded to invade Himchan’s personal space by leaning his head against his shoulder, making Himchan blush yet again, not that Himchan was bothered by the eldest of the group. Channie simply enjoyed himself.
“YongGuk, I’m sorry about your breakup.” Himchan said as his thumbs tapped the top of the can of his half empty beverage.
YongGuk smiled softly and nodded, “Himchan, it’s not your fault, we were not meant to be together after all, no matter how much I wanted us to work out we just didn’t click.”
YongGuk sat up, pulled his hoodie off and smiled again. He reached over for Himchan’s drink and took a sip, he grinned and set the drink down onto the table. Himchan simply stared over at YongGuk, whose lips gently graced over the same spot he had drank from before. At that moment, YongGuk caught a glimpse of Himchan staring at him. Without thinking he took Himchan by the shirt and pulled him towards him, softly pressing his lips against Channie’s weirdly rosy lips. He pulled away, stood up and sat back where his computer sat near the production board. Himchan pressed his fingers against his lips and remained quiet. A few minutes passed, those which felt longer than that. YongGuk hadn’t made a single sound nor did he turn to look at him. Himchan couldn’t help but overthink, he wanted this for so long but what if the fans rejected their relationship, what if both of their parents rejected them, hell, what if the company as a whole fired them for having a relationship. He became impatient, his thoughts were driving him insane, especially with all this silence.
“Yong- ” Himchan began to call out YongGuk’s name when he got interrupted.
“Himchan, forget about it.” YongGuk spoke up in a monotone voice without once looking back at Himchan.
Upon hearing those words out of Gukkie’s mouth, Himchan stood up from his seat and ran out of the studio. He slipped his cap back on trying his best to hide his face from any sneaky photographers and hurried over to his vehicle. His eyes stung slightly as he drove back home, his heart was shattered. He never thought YongGuk would be so cold about that, even after he initiated the kiss still Himchan was rejected, it just didn’t add up, Himchan simply lost. Once he arrived home, there was absolute silence, it was rather late after all, so he figured the other guys would be asleep. Himchan made his way over to his room, locking himself in and crawling in his bed, curling up and crying until he fell asleep.
The following morning, Junhong, the youngest among the six, banged on the door every time he walked by. Junhong didn’t understand why Himchan wasn’t up yet, usually Channie was the one to wake up first and cook up some delicious breakfast like every morning. But today, he refused to get out of bed. As the day went on, if it wasn’t Junhong knocking obnoxiously at the door it was, JungUp constantly calling out, ‘hyung, hyung!’ Once it was time for lunch, everyone decided to eat out after the unresponsive Himchan. After hearing the front door slam shut, Himchan stepped out of his room quietly, and made his way over to the kitchen to prepare himself some relaxing tea. Himchan sat on the dining table, he sighed heavily as he drank his tea, closing his eyes, letting the warm liquid relax his tense muscles and maybe just maybe warm his heart up again. Little did he know, he was not completely by himself.
“At least, you’re not dehydrating yourself.” A familiar whale voice said.
Himchan immediately opened his eyes and looked over at YongGuk, who had taken a seat right in front of Himchan. The rapper sighed softly when he heard no response coming from the younger hyung, he reached over to grab a hold of Himchan’s hand, to which Himchan responded by jerking his hand away, tucking it in under the opposing underarm. Without taking his eyes away from his cup of tea he softly spoke, “I’ve liked you for so long, didn’t expect you to kiss me and run away.”
A sad laugh escaped Himchan’s lips, YongGuk couldn’t take his eyes away from the sad expression Himchan had. Those same eyes that see the beauty in people, those that show immediate concern, much like a mother. Those eyes that see the positive in the world, the same eyes that reject their own reflection but will love everything about everyone else. Those beautiful eyes were now filled with negativity, sadness, hurt, the polar opposite of what they once showed. It was not YongGuk’s intention of hurting Himchan, it wasn’t to be a malicious being, he truly loved Himchan but society wouldn’t be ready for them, and he knew that oh too well. “I love you too.”
Himchan glanced immediately at Gukkie and stared, he couldn’t believe what his ears had just heard, he refused to process it. He proceeded to laugh sarcastically and immediately change his facial expression, “how stupid do you think I am? Don’t play me like this, YongGuk.”
Himchan set down his cup and stormed back to his room slamming the door shut. He leaned against it pressing his hand against his chest. He could feel his heart breaking, it was hurting him. YongGuk waited a couple of minutes before he decided to walk over to Himchan’s room and softly knock on the door, pressing his forehead against it and mumbling loud enough for Himchan to hear, “I regret our kiss.”
Himchan heard every single syllable that came out of the rapper’s mouth, he pressed his free hand against his mouth, attempting to muffle his sobbing as he slid down the door onto the floor curling up. He heard the front door open and a large crowd walk in, apparently the rest of the guys had come back from lunch. He heard a heavy stomp approach his room and sure enough a loud knock following after. Zelo was back to his knocking, he missed his motherly hyung and since YongGuk was in a bad mood he couldn’t play with him either and he was tired of Daehyun, YoungJae, and Jongup. After a solid minute, Zelo decided to walk back to the living room and just pout.
A few hours passed since Zelo last banged on Himchan’s door. He didn't seem so motivated to change that so he let it go. Just then, the other members of B.A.P heard a door slam coming from the direction of the bedrooms, which was strange since they were all there with the exception of the locked away princess. Daehyun was the first to notice Himchan coming their way, however, he didn't seem all that sick as YongGuk had stated earlier in the day. Himchan actually looked quite handsome, sporting a nice pair of black leather pants that hugged his hips just right to give him that curve and visual on his hips and thighs and nicely paired up with a simple black shirt that seemed to fit him quite snug, as if he was trying to sell out his body, proving to the world he was definitely B.A.P’s visual. Absent minded, Himchan fixed his hair then moved on to fix on his watch and then making his way over to the coat hanger at the door to grab his leather jacket.
“Hyung is going on a date!!!” Daehyun exclaimed in that Busan dialect that happened to escape once in awhile when he was in the comfort of his home.
Himchan turned back to look at Daehyun and responded with a soft grin on his lips, not truly answering to the comment. He notice the youngest get up with a huge pout on his face, walking over to Himchan and draping himself completely onto the older male.
“Channie! You ignored me ALL DAY!” Junhong whined making weird noises that usually signified a very upset maknae.
Himchan gently patted Junhong’s back attempting to hold back his laughter but chuckling softly moving his hand over to the young one’s head. “Forgive me, I’ll play with you tomorrow, for now, I just have to leave, ok?”
With that said, Junhong finally stood up straight, looking over his hyung because he just happened to be slightly over 6 feet tall. He made his way back to the couch sitting next to JungUp, whose attention was only on his video games rather than Himchan. Daehyun, who didn't really care what was going on, simply waved good bye to Himchan and wished him well and to not drink a lot. YoungJae only nodded to what Daehyun said. YongGuk, however, wasn't truly pleased with learning that Himchan was going to go out, looking the way he was looking, too much sex appeal was never that good for an idol who tried to live a normal life at times, but instead of saying something to Himchan, Gukkie scoffed mockingly at him. But Himchan only ignored.
Earlier in the week, Himchan had received an invitation to a party at G-Dragon’s mansion, it was commonly known to many idols to gather there since G-Dragon always had the best parties of the century even if they were back to back. So, Himchan opted for the party instead of a regular bar. He called an UBER and headed towards that direction. It was hard to miss, GD was known to be one of the richest idols in the K-Pop industry so, of course, the party was huge and could be spotted miles back. Himchan managed to keep his cool and not get all nervous, however, the moment Himchan stepped through the doors, the chattering stopped and all the attention was over at him. It was rare for someone from TS Entertainment to attend a social gathering, it was not against TS regulations and not against B.A.P’s contract, the boys were just anti-social and hated gatherings as such. So the B.A.P member simply showed them a kind smile and decided to approach the bar, just when he was about to order something, the bartender handed Himchan a drink.
“The gentleman from Super Junior sent you this.” The bartender explained before Himchan had the chance to ask.
Himchan nodded respectfully as he picked up the drink and had a taste, it was vodka, though it didn't taste like vodka, there was something different, it was much smoother than usual. The tall, well framed man made his way over to the singer from B.A.P and charmingly smiled over at him.
“Himchan, right? I’m Siwon, hope you like the drink, a Diva Vodka for a diva, at least from what I’ve heard.” Siwon smirked as he leaned closer to Himchan’s ear, to which Himchan answered with a nod then gently stood up on his tippy toes leaning closer to Siwon’s ear.
“Thank you.” Himchan said as he brought his body closer to Siwon’s smirking seductively trying not to laugh over the silly diva comment. The Super Junior idol grinned pulling Himchan over to the dance floor joining the rest of the idols. Himchan wasn’t the best at dancing, hell, his dancing was perhaps as good as YongGuk’s which naturally meant, terrible, but he tried. Siwon, though, was pretty good at dancing aside from being such a talented musician, which made Himchan swoon. The clock struck past midnight and Himchan knew he had to be home soon even if the party was barely starting. Liking what he saw, Siwon leaned over whispering to him inviting Himchan outside and away from the crowd so they could talk a bit longer before he decided to leave. Himchan didn’t mind staying a bit longer to chat with the idol, he knew he was pretty nice to everyone, he was older than a lot of idols, after all.
“How are you feeling? You had quite a few drinks.” Siwon said as he pulled Himchan by the waist bringing him closer to his body.
“I’ll be fine, I just need to call an UBER.” Himchan replied as he messed with one of Siwon’s shirt buttons.
Siwon looked down over at Himchan quite confused, didn’t Himchan have a personal driver or a car of his own? He frowned slightly for a bit longer before Himchan continued, “TS is not like SM or YG, can’t expect us to be at your level, Super Junior has been around for 12 years, BigBang for 11 years and then there’s us, we’ve only reached half of your trajectory as a K-Pop group.”
Siwon shook his head, lifting Himchan’s chin up. “I’m a fan of B.A.P, especially a fan of yours.”
Siwon’s comment had Himchan weak in the knees, fans usually said the same thing but for someone much more attractive than YongGuk to say that to him and looking as if he meant it was something else. He bit his lip slightly glancing away, since Siwon was staring so intensely at Channie. He could feel them getting closer and closer, as if the law of attraction was, without a doubt, doing its fine work that evening. Just when they were about to kiss, a black tinted BMW pulled up just in front of the idols, a lean figure came out of the car and around. Himchan looked quite shocked yet frightened since it had been a while since the last time he had seen that glare. Himchan was about to step away from Siwon, when Siwon pulled him back into place.
“YongGuk, I presume? You are as scary as they say you are.” Siwon said in a mocking tone.
“Get in the car.” Without the need to raise his voice, YongGuk demanded. He glanced over at the hand that surrounded Himchan’s waist and the little space that was left between them. YongGuk dug his hand deep into his pockets without once stopping his glaring. Enjoying this, Siwon finally let go of Himchan but before letting him scurry into the car, he pressed his lips against the singer’s cheek making him blush brightly.
“We’ll meet again, Himchan. Later, Gukkie.” Siwon said as he smirked and walked back inside the mansion, disappearing from their sight.
YongGuk was not happy. He glanced over Himchan with a scowl forming on his face. “I will not repeat myself,” he said as he got back inside his car, “hurry.”
Himchan swallowed hard and sighed heavily as he entered YongGuk’s car, he put on the seat belt and looked out his window, not saying a single word. Neither of them were happy and there was this awkward silence that was bothering Himchan so much. Getting home seemed to be taking forever, that’s when he realized, they were not headed home. Himchan looked over at YongGuk with confusion written all over his face with a slight hint of panic. “Where are we headed? Himchan asked trying not to sound so concerned but received silence as a response.
Himchan tried to call out to YongGuk again but got hushed the moment he parked the car and got out. Himchan watched YongGuk lean over his car, digging his hands deep in his pocket and letting the breeze run through his hair. After much thought, Himchan got out of the car and leaned over the car, next to YongGuk, the view was beautiful, he didn’t notice they were high up on the mountain, though it was dark, the city lights looked gorgeous. He wondered why YongGuk drove all the way up there, knowing for a fact that he hated driving and much preferred riding the motorcycle but with Daehyun driving. The breeze blew slightly colder as time went by, Himchan began to shiver even after hiding his hands away under his arms, he suddenly felt something draped over his shoulders then shift away.
YongGuk had taken off his oversized sweater and draped it over the shivering Channie, though they were in a way fighting, he still heavily cared for him. Himchan’s proceeded to head back to the car, when he got in he looked over at Gukkie who had his face fixed straight ahead, not once glancing back at Himchan, which made the youngest of the two rather upset. Himchan looked away, staring out of his window as the car began to move once again. The surroundings were becoming familiar to Himchan meaning that they were headed back home. He looked over at the clock, 3:48am, it was late, very late and Himchan was becoming impatient again due to this awkward silence that surrounded both of the hyungs. Upon reaching the B.A.P household, YongGuk got out the car first and opened the front door. Himchan followed shortly after letting out a sigh, in the moment of distraction and darkness upon entering their home, he felt YongGuk grip his wrist and pull him towards one of the rooms.
Himchan had this terrified look on his face, thinking possibly the worse yet unable to do it at the same time. The moment they entered the room, YongGuk pushed Himchan inside and closed the door. It was without a doubt Gukkie’s room, Himchan frowned and tried to fight his hyung, strangely enough, YongGuk was a bit stronger and managed to push him down over the bed. YongGuk got over Himchan’s body, making it hard on the other to even move the slightest. Fearing the worse, Himchan shut his eyes waiting for it to come, whatever it might be.
“Choi Siwon? Why? Because he’s taller? Better looking? Not a damn toothpick? Or because he has better successes? Richer?” YongGuk said gritting his teeth looking a bit angry like in most of the B.A.P videos. However his expression softened, and his voice became more of a mumble than a growl, it broke between sentences, “I don’t want to lose you, Channie, not to anyone for any reason.”
YongGuk’s muscles relaxed a bit the moment he leaned his head over on Himchan’s shoulder, he was trembling softly which caused Himchan to open his eyes and look over at YongGuk. He couldn’t find the words, he loved YongGuk but maybe it was just his jealousy taking over from seeing him with Siwon. YongGuk let go of Himchan and curled up next to Himchan. “I mean it, I love you, Channie,” he mumbled looking as if he were going to cry or something, he looked defenseless. Himchan grinned softly and held YongGuk closely, falling asleep as their bodies naturally intertwined with one another as the night progressed.
The following morning, the little giant maknae, Junhong rushed over to knock on Himchan’s door and like before, no answer. He gave up after the first try, Daehyun, who had been watching the pouty maknae run around, shook his head trying his best to hold back a grin, he made his way over to YongGuk’s room and signaled Zelo to follow along, to which the young one ran over happily.
“YongGuk-ah,” Daehyun said as he softly knocked and then opened the door slowly. “YongGuk-ah, I wanted to know what you would like for brea-”
Daehyun stood there frozen upon seeing the two bodies intertwined with each other, he blushed slightly, when he was about to scurry away, young Zelo slammed the door open, without realizing both hyungs were together. JongUp and YoungJae walked towards their hyung’s room wondering what was going on and stopping dead on their tracks upon seeing the guys.
YongGuk rose up rubbing his eyes and holding his head slightly, he glanced over at the group standing at the door then glanced down to a sleeping Himchan, he smirked and pulled up the blanket for him covering him up to his neck to make him more comfortable. YongGuk looked back the rest of the guys and put his finger up to his lips, telling them to quiet down and let them be until later, all with only expressions. The rest of the band walked away surprised and closed the door.
After a couple of hours, Himchan tried to stretch like he normally would but was stopped when he felt something beside him. He opened his eyes to notice YongGuk had wrapped his arms around him, recalling the events from last night, Himchan blushed heavily and tried to move away.
“Channie, you move too much…” YongGuk chuckled with a slight husky morning voice, he opened his eyes to see that beautiful face staring at him with disbelief. He approached him and kissed his forehead. “Morning princess.”
Himchan frowned over the comment but in reality he couldn’t hold back a chuckle. He shook his head slightly then sat up on the bed, slipping on his slippers, getting ready to leave the room. YongGuk did the same but before Himchan could manage to get out, he hugged him from behind and softly whispered against his ears. “They saw us, we don’t have to hide anything.”
Himchan looked back with a terrifying look, “are you serious?" Himchan managed to turn completely around to face him. “YongGuk, weren’t you the one who said-”
Before he could even manage to finish his sentence YongGuk pressed his lips against Himchan’s, resting one of his hands on his cheek and the other on his waist, pulling him slight closer. YongGuk could feel both hearts beating fast but he didn’t mind, it felt good, after a bit, YongGuk broke the kiss and grinned over a flustered Channie. He intertwined their fingers together and made their way to the kitchen, the other members turned heads and grinned at the sight of their oldest hyungs together. YongGuk took a seat next to Himchan without letting him go, he looked over at the man with the porcelain skin who had captivated him the moment they met but was too scared to ever say anything, but he feared losing him to someone else even more.
YongGuk truly loved his Himchan, but in his weird awkward way.