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She had waited into her car for the last guest moving home and the place getting dark and quiet.
It had been a long, long night and despite the warm breeze she was freezing in her red silky shirt.
She was repeating herself Ella’s words “You are a badass, Decker”, but she couldn’t stop the anxiety growing in her stomach. And, hardly to admit to even herself, the fear.
She was afraid. Of everything had happened over the past weeks. Of the mortal risk all of them had faced. Of the Sinnerman who had almost killed her.
But above all, she was afraid of him.
She closed her eyes and deeply inhaled, trying to calm herself down, but the same scene still appeared in her mind: she was falling faster and faster, so aware of her imminent death, so scared that in the beginning she had thought her mind was playing with her when she had seen him jumping from the roof.
And then….she could remembered only him keeping her firmly against his chest and the weird sensation to be safe that had filled her.
Until she had raised her head to face him…..and shouted in shock, pushing him away and run away as fast as possible, her hands pressed against her mouth, his voice calling her name, loud in the beginning, but quickly faded.
That thought made her chest ache, because she had recognized desperation and pain in the look he had given her and in her name called across the sky. But her emotions were too strong to allow her to do anything else.
The same emotions that had kept her away for some days, despite the calls and the messages from Dan, Linda, Dan, Charlotte, Ella. And Maze…she had not completely processed the truth about her and Amenadiel.
Even Marcus had tried to contact her, for an explanation, to justify himself, to reassure her about his feelings. But she had pushed his calls back and cancelled all the texts without opening them.
Her world had broken into pieces and she needed all her strength and energy to pull herself together. Again.
And to do it, she wanted answers, she wanted the truth. She wanted to talk to the only one missed since that day.
He was on his balcony, his head bent back to fully face the sky and his stars, so far, so unavailable, too good and beautiful for him, forever lost, like all the possibilities of happiness. Even the partial, pale shadow of happiness.
But everything had disappeared in her look that day, the only day he had been grateful to have those..things back as he could save her.
He slowly exhaled, that heavy burden on his shoulder that was making each moment difficult to live.
He had considered to go away, opening the Lux in another city, starting from the beginning.
Or also to go back to Hell, to return to the only place he could nominate as his.
But she would fill his mind and his heart everywhere and every time: her gaze, her lips, her skin, her hugs, her voice, her smiles, her tears, her small frame in his bed or on his couch. Even her recent happiness with her Lieutenant.
If the Devil could get crazy, that was the right way to go.
He shook his head and made his way to the bar, but he realized he didn’t feel like drinking.
He had stopped since that day: no more drinking, no more sexy overnight guests wearing top hat and high heels, no more piano sessions.
The Devil was immortal. But Lucifer Morningstar was dying.
He climbed the stars towards his bedroom, loosing the belt of his robe and making it slip on the floor.
Automatically, he touched his back, his scars.
“They are still there”
He jerked at the unexpected words and turned immediately back, one of the infernal blade left form Maze in his hand
His mouth felt and went dry: she was in front of him.
“I need to speak with the security: this place is too easy to reach” he tried one of his jokes, but he failed
Chloe stepped closer, but he moved backwards, raising his hand in front of him.
“What are you doing here, Detective?
Saying thank you for having saved your life? No need, Detective. Part of the contract to be your civilian consultant.
Seeing those monstrosity again?
Shoot me? Torture me? Save your time, dear, I’m doing a good job by myself”
Chloe closed her eyes: that sadness, that hate for himself filled his voice, his eyes.
And she was the reason why.
She could still remember the first time she had to tell him “It doesn’t matter if I think you are guilty or not” and he had replied “It is all that matter”
She was all that mattered.
All the pieces started to fall into the right place. The distance he had started to put between them, marring Candy. The way he had hidden all the Sinnerman stuff. His dark and wild reaction to her relationship with Pierce. All the facts together spoke out loud all his love for her and all his fear to show her the truth and being refused. She had not fully realized that. She was so blind not to see all the damage she had caused.
He trusted her. And she failed.
He had died twice for her, putting himself in so great danger that she barely imagined. And in return He had to witness her first moving on with another man and then run away in shock from his feathered hug.
She only hoped it was not too late.
She stepped closer and he moved back too, but the old wall stopped him.
He bent his head and left his arms close to his body: totally defeated, totally at her mercy.
“Look at me, Lucifer, please”
“Why? To see the disgust in your eyes? To hear you shout at me to stay away from you and from the little Beatrice? I know it by myself, no need to underling that again”
Chloe squeezed his hand gently “You have called my daughter by name”
“This shows how much I’m out of my mind”
“This show how much you care”
Lucifer raised his head “Don’t kid me, Detective” but her eyes glowing with tears told him she was not kidding
He swallowed “What do you want, Detective?”
Chloe pressed herself closer to him, holding him firmly with her hands
“You run away, you were afraid of my wings. You were afraid of..me. You are still afraid, I know. I can see it” his words were still broken, but with a small hope under the harsh surface.
Chloe did not reply: just stood in front of him, captivating his eyes with hers.
He swallowed again “What do you want, Chloe?”
She smiled hearing her name again from his lips “I want not to be afraid anymore”
Lucifer looked down at her, at the silky shirt he had bought her when they had gone undercover as a married couple.
His eyes widened “Are you sure?”
Chloe nodded, her fear still filling her: she was afraid of him. Of him disappearing again after having shown her the truth he had always proclaimed. Of him disappearing forever because she was just a small, normal, mortal being.
Lucifer trailed his fingers over her features, gently and attentively, cupping her face with his palm. She leaned into his touchl, never interrupting their eyes contact. And when he lowered his gaze on her body and his eyes darkened, she knew it was time to take action and guided his hands to the buttons of her shirt, making him smile as nobody else had never done in front of her.
Later that night, she woke up to text Trixie she was ok and when she went back to the bedroom, Lucifer was sleeping on his stomach, half covered by the sheets. The scars on his back were still there.
She sat down on the bed, close to him.
Lucifer opened his eyes and smiled “It was not a dream. And you are still here with me”
Her heart ached in her chest
He moved to let his head rest on her lap. Chloe bent a little, to kiss the corner of his eyes
“Your scars are still there” she whispered
Lucifer nodded and moved away from Chloe
“I’m sorry Lucifer, I didn’t want to …”.
Lucifer let two fingers on her lips, then laid down in the middle of the bed, his arms spread across the sheet.
“Do, please” He was barely audibale.
Chloe’s heart skipped a bit while she gently moved her fingers on the rough surface, his muscles contracted, maybe in anticipation of unpleasant consequences.
She got braver and let her hands along his spine, more reassuring than tempting.
Lucifer stood still and shivered when she placed her lips on them. Her mouth was warm and delicate, her breath a pure relief.
Slowly, Lucifer relaxed, his body lighter and at ease.
When Chloe raised her head she saw him sleeping.
She smiled and laid down on his solid, warm back, her head on his shoulder, her arms over his own.
"Nobody will hurt you anymore. I'll promise" she told him.
He moved a little under her and she couldn't stop thinking she was holding the Devil himself and He loves her.
Scary, creepy, odd feeling. So reassuring, calming, conforting and completing.
She played with his hair for a while, just to let him know she was there. Just to let her know they were Real.
And when she realized she was falling asleep, she covered both with his sheets and kissed his back one more time
“Love you” she murmured in the end and she could swear he murmured back “I love you more”.