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Toby was not quite sure what to expect when Mother explained that he would be a brother soon. Mother was Daddy back then, and he had seemed pleased, freely sharing the wide smile he seemed to save for Toby alone. Papa never smiled like that; he was always very calm and controlled. Papa did not like loud displays of emotion. No shrill shouting or rude language was allowed. Papa called those loud people swine, even though Daddy told him to hush, eyes always fixed on Toby.
By the time Vasili arrives, Daddy is tired all the time and has less time to play with Toby. Toby does not like this at all. He is determined that no matter what Daddy says, he and his brother will not be friends. Because Toby has been reading about babies, and they require a lot of attention. Time that Daddy once spent on Toby, will now be spent on the unwelcome interloper.
It is around this time that Daddy becomes Mother, because that is the mature, grown-up way to address the person that gave him life. Toby is determined to show Mother he understands what it means, that Mother carried him in his body, the first person he allowed to do so. Toby is far superior to Vasili, who is a dumb, squalling, red-faced creature, that doesn’t appreciate anything Mother has done for him. Mother housed him and is now feeding him from his own body, and Vasili cannot even be quiet. But Toby understands; Toby is appropriately grateful.
Toby already has to share Mother with Papa, and he does not see why he must now factor in this ugly little creature. It does not even grasp all that Mother has sacrificed. Mother is tired and grumpy and sad all the time after Vasili is born. Toby suspects that if Vasili goes away, Mother will be happy again.
He often sees the staff putting unwanted items, trash and cardboard and empty crates, out in the back courtyard. Toby has a vague plan, to put Vasili outside also. Then he will be taken away. This will solve the problem, and Mother will have time for Toby again, and not be so sad.
Unfortunately, when he goes to collect the foul monster from his crib, Toby encounters several issues. Firstly, that the crib sides are too high for him to reach into, with no adequate miniature ladder or sturdy chair to climb on, and secondly, his brother is awake. Toby did not anticipate this. When Vasili is awake, he is usually crying or bothering Mother in some other way.
But tonight, big blue eyes are staring up at him in the dark, silently watching him. Toby stares back, reluctantly fascinated. Mother cares for this little beast, and until now, Toby could not see the appeal. He stands, arrested, unable to move other than to clutch on the bars of Vasili’s slumber prison. They stand in a silent staring contest for some time, chocolate brown eyes versus sea blue, until Mother finds them, bleary eyed, and warm from sleep.
“What are you doing out of bed, my sweet?” Mother asks, lifting Toby into his arms, settling him on his hip, like he hasn’t done since Toby was a little thing himself. Vasili watches them both, offering Mother a gurgle hello. Mother cuddles Toby close, pressing a kiss into his hair, and Toby clutches at his nightshirt, as though he were a curious baby.
“Were you watching over Vasili?” Mother whispers, as they lean into the crib. Toby does not feel guilty for not admitting the truth. He was technically watching Vasili.
In his spare arm, Mother manages to scoop up Toby’s little brother, before he crosses the room to sit in the rocking chair. The three of them settle into the large, heavy oak chair quite comfortably, soon wrapped in the warm crocheted blanket there. For once, Toby doesn’t resent Vasili’s presence, as Mother is cooing soothingly into Toby’s hair, even if his hands are cuddling the baby.
“Can I hold him?” Toby asks, wondering at the appeal of this insolent creature, gone suddenly soft and quiet.
Mother smiles, that special Toby-smile, and he knows it was the correct thing to ask.
Vasili makes a tiny whimper of displeasure when he is jostled, as they rearrange themselves. Toby stiffens, immediately regretting his mistake. Waiting for the imminent meltdown. But Vasili soon settles, contentedly dozing in his arms. Toby stares at the creature in wonder, pondering the surprising appeal of him. Perhaps he can delay putting Vasili outside to be taken away. Just until he is sure there is no merit to be found in him.
*
Toby soon forgets there was ever a time he did not approve of Vasili. Mother tells him that Vasili is Toby’s to keep safe, to cherish and entertain with stories and games. Toby is to play with him and snuggle with him and sometimes even hold his bottle for feeding. Mother says these are things families do to show love and affection.
Toby sees that this makes sense, as attention is an indication of care. He does not point out that Papa does not do these things for Vasili. Papa does not often lift Toby, but he remembers being held on Papa’s lap sometimes. Even now, Papa still tucks him into bed with a story sometimes, or shares a chair with him and reads poetry out loud. Papa does not do these things with Vasili, though it is perhaps because Vasili is too small. He could not share a chair with Papa besides, as he can’t sit up on his own yet.
Mother bounces Vasili in his arms as when they walk, singing to him softly, and will roll onto his stomach beside him, on the playroom floor. Papa does not do these things either. But that is maybe why people have both a mother and a father; so that there is someone to roll on the floor and snuggle with, and someone to read poetry. Toby is neither of these things, but if Mother says big brothers play games and give cuddles and talk to their babies, then that is what he will do. Mother is usually right about these things.
*
When Vasili begins to talk, Toby very much enjoys being a brother. He has someone to talk to, who is not a stupid pest like the offspring of Mother and Papa’s acquaintances. They call themselves their friends, but Toby knows different. His parents never call them friends, so Toby won’t either, nor their annoying children.
At parties, he is always forced to interact with these selfish pests. He is not allowed to push them, until they fall and skin their hands and knees. But he thinks about doing so anyway. It never ceases to bring a smile to his face, at the thought of their blubbering faces. Vasili is different. He doesn’t make stupid comments about dresses or cake or horses. Vasili listens when Toby wants to talk about astronomy, or butterflies, or how Mother used to be an American cop, just like the ones on television. Vasili nods and jams his fingers in his mouth and pronounces Toby with an exaggerated ‘a’ sound, a personal nickname that Toby likes very much.
He especially enjoys the times when its just the three of them, Toby and Vasili and Mother. Mother smiles and kisses them both on their noses, one by one, and calls them his special boys. Mother only has two special boys- Toby and Vasili, something that even Papa does not get to share. Toby likes that most of all.