Chapter Text
lexiham: g u ys
Hamilstop: Alexis, do you have to bug me right now?
Lexiham: I’m bugging all of you, don’t be so self-absorbed.
Tjeffs: I think Hamilton not being self-absorbed is impossible
Lexiham: Thomas, please don’t
Tjeffs: yes ma’am.
Hamilstop: What was so urgent that you had to bother me, sister?
Lexiham: i’m having a panic attack
Hamilstop: OKOKOK
Hamilstop: take deep breaths
Tjeffs: in
Tjeffs: and out
Hamilstop: my sister doesn't need your help
Pegasus: why are you having a panic attack
Lexiham: all the fucking women's rights essays I wrote are fucking gone
Angelicsky: FUCK
lizardsky: did you leave them with me and Alexander
Lexiham: pffft
Lexiham: I refuse to leave things such as that at Alex's house
Lexiham: he a n n o t a t e s them and then adds to it
Hamilstop: why talk behind the back of the man who gave you the PASSION TO W R I T E????
lexiham: do you have them, a l e x?
Hamilstop: n o
Lexiham: fuck me
Hamilstop: ew
Tjeffs: gladly
Lexiham: what
Lexiham: it was an expression
Lexiham: w a I t. Thomas?
Tjeffs: ma'am?
Lexiham: did you just imply that you would gladly fuck Me?
Talkless: I believe he did
Lexiham: don't use that word, you don't even know what believe means
Hamilstop: m y s I s t e r, ladies and gentlemen
Tjeffs has signed off
Hamilstop: there he gooooo
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Jmads: Did Thomas just imply that he would fuck Alexis?
Poetthephilip: Only cool people are allowed to fuck my aunt
Hamilstop: Philip. Language.
Poetthephilip: sorry pops
Lexiham: I didn’t think my lovers needed my nephew’s approval
Theosalt: they do, and mine too
Lexiham: listen, I am 27 years old, I don’t need this
Jmads: where is thomas?
Washingdad: he’s hiding under my desk
Hamilstop: I’ll be there
Washingdad: Alexander no
Hamilstop: he wants my sister, sir
Washingdad: it’s not like he’ll ever get her, Alexander, calm down
Frenchfry: ooooo Jefferson, mon ami, you got burnt
Horses: lock up your daughters and horses
Horses: because washington will roast them all
Lexiham: why are you encouraging this Jefferson hate when there are more important things to talk about?
2pintsofSamAdams: like what
Lexiham: like my women’s rights papers, j o h n
2pintsofSamAdams: o h n o
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Hamilstop: guys, I have a confession to make
Angelicsky: you’re gay?
Hamilstop: what? No!
Lizardsky: I wouldn’t be surprised.
Hamilstop: w o w. Anyways, i have Alexis’s papers.
Talkless: And why didn’t you tell her that?
Tjeffs: because Hamilton is a child
Hamilstop: look, it’s the sister-fucker
Tjeffs: wow, listen
Tjeffs: i never fucked your sister
Hamilstop: but you wANTED TO
Lexiham: You have my papers, Alexander?
Hamilstop: ,,,,no
Lexiham: give them back you t w a t
Hamilstop: there’s just so much I have to a d d
Lexiham: you don’t have to add shit, you loudmouthed bother, give me my papers back or I promise what I’ll do to you will be nothing compared to the hurricane
Hamilstop: oh no
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Theosalt: what is alexander doing under my dad’s desk
Hamilstop: hiding fROM SATAN
Lexiham: SATAN IS GENTLER, MY DEAR BROTHER
Hamilstop: fuck, it speaks
Lexiham: that’s less than what IT will do if IT finds you
Frenchfry: would it kill you to calm down, Alexis?
Pegasus: whoa laffy taffy, are you okay?
Poetthephilip: you’re not usually so “grrr”, monsieur
Washingdad: Alexander, why are you under Aaron’s desk?
Hamilstop: to escape death
Hamilstop: SHE’S HEREhsdjfhksjhfjashfjkshjkf
Jmads: I hear Hamilton screaming like a girl
Horses: I see Alexis dragging Alex by his collar across the floor
2pintsofSamAdams: this is not what i meant when I said “rise up”, Alexis
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Angelicsky: Alexis’s papers have been retrieved
Lexiham: WITH THE STENCH OF ALEXANDER HAMILTON ON THEM
Hamilstop: Are you seriously still mad even after I gave them back
Lexiham: You made CORRECTIONS, Alexander, you made ARGUMENTS, you crossed things out!
Pegasus: YOU HAVE RUINED WHAT SHE WORKED SO HARD TO BUILD, YOU MONSTER
Poetthephilip: Dad??? Why would you do that???
Hamilstop: I guess my argumentative instincts kicked in
Lexiham: argue with me or Thomas, then, not with my thesis statements!
Washingdad: I read your essays, Alexis. You might have a future at my company.
Hamilstop: what?
Washingdad: in a totally different department, probably floors away from your brother
Jmads: why doesn’t she work with me and Thomas?
Tjeffs: what
Lexiham: I don’t know, James…
Horses: take this opportunity, Alexis, take it
Lizardsky: I’m not sure Alexis and Alexander can be in the same building with each other
Lexiham: ^^^
Talkless: sir, is it really in the company’s best interest to have two Hamiltons working there?
Washingdad: they both have writing skills that are unmatched by most of the company
Theosalt: Dad, don’t worry. Alexis isn’t near as bad as Alexander
Tjeffs: Well, now that Burr left us, I think Alexis can fill the empty hole in our department
Frenchfry: we all know you want to fill her empty hole, mon ami ;)
Hamilstop: TOO FAR
2pintsofSamAdams: this is wild
______________________________
Lizardsky: Are you all ready for Christmas?
Talkless: My new office definitely is. Someone took the liberty of decorating it with colorful christmas lights
Theosalt: you’re welcome, father. Your office looked a little too neutral, kinda like you
Tjeffs: Did you decorate my office, too, because EVERYTHING is covered in christmas lights
Frenchfry: that was Alexis. I would know because I provided the lights
Tjeffs: she really did this?
2pintsofSamAdams: don’t tell me you’re surprised, I mean you’ve only been wanting to rip each other’s clothes off for forever
Hamilstop: WHOAWHOAWHOA my sister, MY SISTER WOULD NEVER LIKE SOMEONE LIKE JEFFERSON
Tjeffs: are you sure, Hamilton? No woman can resist my southern charm.
Hamilstop: she’s not a woman, she’s my SISTER
Angelicsky: damn, I thought I was overprotective when it came to my sisters
Pegasus: overprotective? Bitch, please. You’ve left me at Walmart a few times
Angelicsky: *eliza
Pegasus: ouch, that was more honest but o uc h
Poetthephilip: I wouldn’t leave you at a Walmart, Aunt Peggy
Pegasus: thank you, philip
Washingdad: who put a christmas tree in my office?
Jmads: That may or may not have been Alexis
Horses: There is a sign in my office that says “merry horsemas” written in Christmas lights
Lexiham: you’re all welcome