Archive of Our Own

Dan Howell was going to be turning 18 in three short months, and he was not looking forward to it one bit. For most people, their 18th birthday was the mark of adulthood, going away to university, freedom. But not for Dan.

Dan Howell would be getting married on his 18th birthday, to a man that he'd never met. His parents had arranged it, claiming that they knew what was best for him and wanted to ensure that he would be taken care of. That's what a lot of parents claimed, and the statistic that 80% of all arranged marriages worked out in the end meant that it was fairly common. It didn't matter that the statistic was skewed, seeing that divorce was one of the most frowned upon acts in the world, and the fact that most couples find a way to make it work after the mandatory one year waiting period.

He figured that maybe being able to meet his groom-to-be would help a bit. They could at least get to know each other, and even if they didn't particularly like each other, maybe they could start working on compromises. But his parents had advised against it. They refused to even tell Dan the guy's name, only that he was a few years older than Dan and would be finished with university by the time they were to be married.

What was Dan supposed to do with that? He'd known his whole life that his parents would be arranging his marriage, so there really wasn't much point in dating. What if this guy was an asshole and wouldn't let Dan go to university? He knew that wasn't likely, seeing as he could just do online courses if he needed to, but still, you never know! What if he was expected to do all the cooking and cleaning, like some 1950's housewife? What kind of creepy, old man had his parents set him up with?

And what would he be expecting from Dan on their wedding night? Surely, if Dan flat out refused to go to bed with him, he wouldn't force him, right? Dan had absolutely no way of knowing that, which made it the biggest of his fears.

He remembers learning all about the birds and the bees in school, and then lying in bed that night on the verge of tears thinking about doing THAT with someone that he'd just met. Or worse, someone he didn't even like. He'd then done some research and learned that your first time often hurts, especially if your partner isn't careful. And if his future husband didn't even like him, then why would he bother being careful with Dan?

A few years down the line, he'd decided fuck it, if he can't get out of this arranged marriage, he would make for damn sure that his future husband wasn't going to ruin him. His first time did hurt, and the guy hadn't been exactly careful with him, but at least it had been on his own terms. His second time had been much better, although he still couldn't remember the guy's name, and he wasn't proud that it had been in a club bathroom.

At this point, Dan's pretty well experienced in and out of the bedroom. He's not proud of that fact, but he's definitely not ashamed either. And why should he be? His sex life is no one's business but his own. And well, maybe it's his future husband's business a little bit, too.

Dan stared up at his ceiling and pulled his duvet up to his chin. He was getting married in three months. And he was scared.

**
Phil looked around his empty apartment, well, his and his husband's apartment. He'd just paid the deposit and been handed the keys, so here he was, alone in an empty apartment. He wondered how his new husband would want to decorate it. Would he bring big, gaudy furniture, or lots of little nicknacks, or was he a minimalist? He was nervous to finally meet him, almost giddy with excitement.

He'd found them a rather large apartment right in the city of London. It had two bedrooms, a smaller room that was more like an office, a lounge, a kitchen, and one bathroom. He hoped that would be big enough. If his spouse wanted his own room, or alone time every now and then, he would certainly give it to him. Phil just wanted to be the best partner he could be.

His whole life, he'd been told that his parents would find him a suitable partner, which had honestly taken a lot of pressure off of him. He could go through life with minimal cares, free to focus on his school work and eventual career without the hassle of dating around. He'd been kissed once, but felt immediately guilty about it. Like, he had somehow cheated on his future partner that he hadn't even met yet. After that, he'd stayed away from dating all together, determined to save all of himself for his future spouse.

Phil knew that it wasn't expected of him to remain chaste until his wedding night, but he still felt that it was a personal choice that he wanted to make. He certainly didn't expect his husband-to-be to be a virgin. That would just be unfair and unrealistic. But, he couldn't deny that there was a small part of him that hoped, maybe, just possibly, he might be, and that they could share something so special together.

Phil sighed dreamily. Tomorrow was the big day. And he couldn't wait.

**
Dan walked into the Honeymoon Suite and set his overnight bag on the desk in the corner of the room. They were staying here for three days before they would start to move both of their things into the apartment that Phil had chosen for them. Dan had yet to see it, or even ask about it. For all he knew, he would be living in a shoebox by next week.

He looked around the room. It was quite large, with a TV, king size bed, sitting area, and balcony that overlooked a field. There were rose petals on the bed and a few candles on the tables.

Phil was just standing there across the room. Dan was too nervous to look directly at him, so he wasn't sure what he was looking at. Was he staring at Dan? Waiting for him to make the first move? What the fuck was he supposed to do? His hands were sweaty and his head was starting to hurt. He subtly wiped his palms on his trousers and finally looked up at Phil.

What should he say? He racked his brain and just spit out the first coherent sentence he could muster. “Wasn't one of us meant to be wearing white?” It was kind of a joke, but he figured it would acknowledge the elephant in the room. He wasn't a virgin. Was Phil? And whether he was or not, what did he expect from Dan?

Phil made sort of a half chuckle, half huff. “I think that only applies to virgin brides.”

Dan took off his jacket and folded it over the back of the chair. He shuffled his feet a bit. God, this was so awkward, and Phil's answer really didn't give too much away. Dan took a deep breath and looked up at Phil again. “Okay, I'm just going to ask. Did you want to have sex tonight?”

Phil gaped at Dan's forwardness, and it took a moment before he could answer. “I-I think, maybe, we should get to know each other a bit first. Don't you?” His face was flushed a deep red, and Dan was sure that he didn't look much different.

He looked back down at his feet. He kicked a little fuzz ball that was stuck in the carpet with his shiny black shoe. “'S up to you,” he mumbled with a shrug.

Phil sighed and finally stepped away from the door, like he had finally decided that he was actually going to stay. “Let's just talk for a bit. See how things go, no pressure,” he reasoned.

Dan agreed, and after they had both changed into their pajamas and ordered a room service pizza, they finally were able to look each other in the eye. Dan complimented Phil's Star Wars pajama pants, Phil asked if he could poke Dan's dimple. Things were going fine. Until they moved onto more sensitive topics. Somehow they got started playing 20 questions, and it didn't take long for it to get personal.

“How often do you watch porn?” Dan asked, causing Phil to blush for at least the 10th time that evening. He stretched and leaned back against the headboard next to Phil.

Phil sputtered a bit, “I don't know. Like, a couple times a week maybe?” Dan wouldn't admit it so soon, but he might have thought it was adorable the way this man 4 years his senior was embarrassed to talk about porn.

“What kind of porn?” Dan asked, grinning.

“Uh, it's my turn! Um,” he thought for a moment, “have you ever kissed anyone? Besides me, earlier today.”

Dan raised his eyebrows. Was he serious? “Yes,” he said, and he really did try to hide his giggle. “Have you?”

Phil nodded his head, and gave Dan an unreadable expression. “How many people have you kissed?”

Dan blinked, and suddenly he knew what that expression was. Phil was hoping that the number was small, probably because his own number was small. Dan gulped. “Um, I don't really know. A lot.” And that was true. He'd kissed a lot of people, he'd had sex with a lot of people. People he'd never met before, and never seen again after. If he got a pen and paper and really thought hard, he might be able to come up with an approximate number, but… There was no way for him to know exactly how many.
Phil nodded his head in understanding, but didn't say anything.

“And you?” Dan asked.

Phil did another half chuckle. “You were the second.” He looked down at his hands on the duvet, and Dan honestly didn't know what to do. “Have you ever, uh, done more than that?”

“Yes,” Dan said. And he knew that Phil would want to know how many, so he started counting in his head. If he was honest, he wasn't so sure about that number either. He'd spent the majority of the previous summer doing permanent damage to his liver. Phil looked back up at him and Dan knew he had to answer. “Um, twelve?” He said it more like a question, because it kind of was.

Phil's eyes widened just a bit. “Twelve. Twelve people? You've had sex with twelve people?” His eyebrows were furrowed, and he just kept repeating it. It was like he wasn't sure what he'd heard, and was hoping that it was wrong.

“Yes? How many have you?” Dan asked, and he prayed that his assumptions had been wrong.

“None,” Phil stated, and Dan couldn't deny the sadness in his eyes.

They looked at each other for a few moments, both of them unsure what to say. Dan had never been ashamed of his sexuality, but he sure as hell was now. But how was he supposed to know that he was marrying a virgin? With his luck, if he had chosen to wait until marriage, he would have ended up with some sicko who was only looking for some kind of sex slave.

Phil looked away first. “It's getting late,” he said, but he didn't even look over at the clock. He was just ready for the evening to end, and frankly so was Dan.

“Yeah. Um, I'll just go to the bathroom,” Dan said, getting up and getting the hell out of that room.

How had this gone so wrong? All he'd ever wanted was to be in control of his own body, his own sexuality, and that had backfired on him. But really, did Phil even have a right to be upset? He hadn't met Phil yet when he'd been with those people, so it's not like he cheated on him or anything like that. And he'd been tested, so it's not like he would be giving any diseases to Phil.

He washed his face, and wasted as much time as he could before heading back. When he opened the bedroom door, it was dark. He could barely make out Phil's form under the duvet on the very far edge of the bed, and he'd already turned off the lights. He left the bathroom light on and the door just slightly ajar, and slipped into bed as quietly as he could.

This was going to be a long year.

**
Phil slowly climbed the stairs up to the front door. He'd only popped over to the shop because they were running low on toothpaste, but had been overwhelmed when he saw their vast selection of sweets. Which is how he'd ended up with two very heavy bags, panting his way up the steps.

When he finally made it into the apartment, he carefully peeked around the corner and speed walked to the kitchen. Dan would no doubt make fun of him if he knew that he'd bought more candy. And honestly, sometimes the teasing and banter between them was fun and endearing, but other times it seemed like Dan really hated him. And Phil really didn't know how to feel about it.

He'd always tried his best to be a good husband, to provide for his spouse in any way that he could. But he supposed that Dan was still technically a teenager. He was only 18 and probably still figuring himself out, and figuring out how he felt about his own husband on top of that.

Phil sighed as he put the candy behind a large box of pasta in the cupboard. Maybe Dan wouldn't find it. Or if he did, maybe he wouldn't say anything. Phil turned to leave the kitchen when he saw something pinned to the refrigerator. It was a paper, and it looked official and important. Had Dan finally decided whether or not to go to university? Phil wasn't one to pry, but the papers were unfolded and pinned up as if Dan had left them there for Phil to find, so he stepped closer to take a look.

The paper was from their local clinic, with Dan's name and information listed at the top. These were test results. Had Dan been sick? Phil felt a rush of panic flow through him. He would have gone with Dan to the doctor if he'd only asked. Phil skimmed the rest of the paper, feeling sadness for his poor little Dan sat all alone in some cold clinic.

Finally, he got to the good part.

HIV- negative.
Chlamydia- negative.
Hepatitis B- negative.

The list went on, but Phil had gotten the point. This was yet another way that Dan was trying to convince Phil to sleep with him.

They've been married for three months and Phil has refused to touch Dan at all. Not because he thought he would give him a disease, or that he was unclean in some way. It just seemed that sex was no big deal to Dan. And while Phil knew there was absolutely nothing wrong with that, it's just that it was a big deal to him. And all of Dan's attempts to seduce him, or arguments that Phil was just thinking too much, were really just getting on Phil's nerves.

He felt his face flush and his heart beating fast. How was he even meant to respond to this? He wasn't sure, but he had to get his message across. He held the top of the paper in his fingers and slowly tore it in half, then in half again. He stacked the little squares up nicely, and pinned them back up where he'd found them and calmly made his way to the lounge. He wouldn't let Dan's stupidity ruin his day.

**
Dan often stayed up until the wee hours of the morning mindlessly browsing the internet, but just a few nights ago he'd stumbled across a rather interesting Youtube channel. Apparently, his own husband of the last six months was a pretty popular vlogger and hadn't felt the need to tell Dan about it. Not that Dan blames him, it's not like they talk that much.

He stayed in his room and binged on all of Phil's videos, declining offers of food and company from actual AmazingPhil himself, all day and now he's found himself scrolling through all of Phil's social media. He realized he could literally just go and talk to him, but he was scared. Every time they spend time together, they end up arguing about nothing in particular.

Dan figures it's stemmed from how hard he pushed Phil on the whole sex thing, but he hadn't meant to. He was just letting Phil know that he was up for whatever. Especially since Phil's still a virgin. Why not try a few things out with your spouse, ya know? But, Phil just kept saying that Dan didn't get it, that he just didn't want to, and Dan knew that there was an implied 'with you' after that last one. So, he stopped bringing it up all together.

He's learned a lot about Phil from his videos. For starters, Phil is really creative, and nerdy, and cool, and really hot. But he's also really reserved. He never says too much about himself and his personal life, or his opinions on hot button issues, but you can still tell that he's genuinely a nice guy. Through his videos, it almost feels like you know him. Only, you don't. Not really.

The videos don't tell you that Phil eats Dan's cereal in the middle of the night, or that he snores so loud that Dan can hear him in his own bedroom, or that he's constantly leaving cupboard doors open. They don't say that Phil smells like raspberries and coffee, or that he has to shave every single morning or else Dan starts to drool and has to lock himself in his room.

So, yeah Dan has a little more insight into the real Phil Lester than these videos show, but he still feels like he doesn't really know him. But suddenly, he really wants to.

**
One minute, Phil is enjoying his breakfast at the table, and the next Dan is confessing his undying love for Phil. He's sobbing and waffling on about how Phil was right about him, about how he didn't understand before, but that he does now. And Phil doesn't hesitate to believe him, because he's in love with Dan too, and he's been so desperate to hear these things that Dan is saying.

He cuts Dan off with a kiss, and it's sweet and warm and the first one since their wedding. He wasn't aware of how badly he'd been craving to be this close to Dan, but it feels like it's been an eternity since their last kiss. Phil is still scared and not really sure what to do with his tongue, but it feels so perfect and suddenly Phil wants more. More of Dan, more than he's ever had. He's sure.

“Let me make love to you, Dan,” he whispers against his lips, and Dan doesn't even reply. He just kisses him once more before taking his hand and letting Phil lead him to his bedroom.

It's slow and full of emotion, but in the back of Phil's head he's worried that this might not be enough for Dan. That he might not be enough. His worries vanished as he watched Dan climax below him, because of him, his name being whispered between ragged breaths.

He felt as though he was lost in the sound of his heart beat and the way his name sounded coming from those kiss swollen lips. It was all he could focus on, all he could hear. That steady thump, thump, thump, “Phil.”

Phil jolted upright. He was alone in his bed, an annoyed sounding Dan banging on his door. He cleared his throat and leaned over to check his phone. “Just a second!” he called, and he heard Dan walk away with a huff.

His alarm hadn't gone off and they were late to meet Dan's parents for brunch. Oh, and now he had a little problem in his pants to take care of. And, apparently, a little crush on his husband.

**
Dan was turning 19 in three months. He had really gone out of his way to get closer to Phil in the last few months, and he felt like things were going well, but he couldn't be sure. He never brought up sex or their relationship, only enjoyed the time that he got to spend with Phil in whatever way that was.

They had started to wait until the other woke up in the mornings so that they could have breakfast and watch anime together. Dan had also revealed through obscure references that he'd started watching Phil's Youtube channel, and Phil had opened up about it. He allowed Dan to be part of the production process sometimes, and had even convinced him to make a few videos of his own. But their friendship, if that's what it was, was still new and fragile and Dan knew that he couldn't do anything to risk pushing Phil away.

You see, some time between getting a black eye from a cupboard that Phil had left open and learning that Phil was some kind of freak who didn't like cheese, Dan had fallen in love with Phil. There was just something about him that, even though he was a massive nerd, just made Dan feel safe and at home in a way that he'd never felt before. He knew that he couldn't lose Phil, but he also knew that he was running out of time.

**
Dan rubbed the sleep from his bleary eyes and padded his way to the kitchen. Phil was already there eating a bowl of cereal, and Dan just hoped there would be enough left for himself. There was, and so he grabbed and bowl and spoon and started to pour.

“Your birthday is next week,” Phil stated. Dan waited a beat for him to continue.

“Yep,” he answered awkwardly.

“So is our anniversary,” Phil said.

“Mhm.” Dan grabbed a spoon out of the drawer.

“I suppose… I mean, I guess I'll call a lawyer later today, then,” Phil stammered.

Dan dropped his spoon and sent bits of dry cereal all over the counter. No, no no, this was not good. He thought he had a whole week left, but clearly Phil had made up his mind. Not only would he be a divorcee at 19, but he was going to lose the first and only person that he's ever really cared about. He felt his throat tighten and his eyes were burning with the threat of tears. He had to get out of here. But Phil just kept fucking talking.

“Maybe they can see us that day and you can treat yourself to a nice birthday. And I don't see why it would get nasty, I'll give you half of everything and we can just go our separate ways. A clean break.”

He said it as if he didn't care at all. A clean break? Like the last year of their lives hadn't even happened. Dan was supposed to just go and have a nice birthday dinner all alone and then what? Show up at his parents' door with a suitcase, never to see Phil again?

“Dan?” Phil asked, and Dan realized that he was still staring at his bowl of dry cereal. He wasn't even hungry anymore.

He turned, hoping to get the fuck out of there so he could hide in his room for the next week, but he saw that Phil didn't look quite as put together as he sounded. His eyes were very sad, and he was just absentmindedly stirring his mushy cereal around. Well, that would make sense. No one wants to get divorced, especially since both of them are still pretty young.

“If that's what you want,” Dan said, his voice tight with emotion.

Phil looked up from his bowl with wide eyes. “Is that what you want?” he asked.

This was it. This was Dan's very last chance to make him stay, so what did he have to lose?

“No, that's not what I want.” He waited for Phil to say something, but he didn't speak, didn't even look like he was breathing, so Dan continued. He took a deep breath. “I love you. I'm in love with you, and I've never loved anyone before. And I know you probably don't feel the same and that's fine. I just… This is probably the last chance I have to convince you to stay.” Dan looked down at the floor and waited. He was absolutely terrified, and if Phil didn't say something soon he was probably going to run to his room and implode from mortification. But still, Phil was silent. Dan wasn't even sure he was still in the room, but he wasn't going to risk looking up to check.

His breathing was getting quicker and he was on the brink of tears, but he tried to keep it together. “I know you're probably thinking this is like, some last feeble attempt to get you to sleep with me, because yeah, I used to do that. But, the thing is, you were right about me. I didn't get it before, that sex was a big deal for you, and I acted like such a twat trying to convince you that it wasn't. And I know you said that you don't hold it against me that I didn't wait for marriage, but I know that's not true. I hurt you, I know that now, and I get it.

“I was a slut, and every time I had sex, it literally meant nothing. Maybe, if it had meant something...” he trailed off, and then shook his head. “But it didn't. I had convinced myself that I was going to marry some pervy old man, and I vowed to myself that you weren't going to ruin me, but I had no idea-” he broke off with a sob. He wiped his eyes and tried to regain his composure. “I didn't know that you were such a good guy, Phil. I never even let myself dream that I would marry someone like you, and I didn't know it then, but I was ruining myself. I did it, all of it, to spite you. And I hate myself for that.”

He finally had to stop entirely. He turned to face away from Phil, to save what little dignity he had left, and let himself cry. He wasn't even sure if anything he'd said would make any sense, but he hoped Phil would at least see that he was being genuine. He tore off some kitchen roll and dried his face. Phil had yet to speak, and he was about to make a break for the door, when finally Phil took a shaky breath.

“Dan, I never meant to make you feel that way. I really don't blame you for not waiting, hardly anyone does anymore, but I still treated you unfairly because of that. I never even thought about things from your perspective,” Phil said, and Dan finally turned around to face him.

“I was so scared Phil. Before I had even met you, I was afraid of you, and I did the only thing I could think of that I alone had any control over, and I'm so sorry for that. I know you don't really blame me for not waiting, but I fucking wish I had. And now, I'm the most scared I've ever been because I know that I'm about to lose you. I know that you don't want me, and I know that you've already decided to leave me-

“Dan-”

Dan shook his head, closing his eyes so that he could cry and not have to look at the only person he's ever loved. “No, it's fine. I know that I was the one who messed it all up. I don't expect anything, and I don't want half of your stuff. I just wanted-”

Dan felt a warm hand on his arm and he opened his eyes just in time to see Phil lean in and kiss him. It was quick and timid, but it was perfect, and Dan wasn't even sure it had happened at all. He'd dreamed of kissing Phil again so many times, and the only reason he was pretty sure this wasn't a dream was that he could never dream a kiss so perfect.

But what did this mean? Did Phil love him back? He was about to ask, when Phil leaned in again.

Dan wanted to melt against Phil's lips, they were so soft and pressed so neatly to his own. He committed the feeling to memory, seeing as this could all be taken from him at any moment. And while he wanted nothing more than to reach out and touch Phil, tangle his fingers in his hair, pull their bodies close together, he didn't dare to do any of those things. This was probably the longest kiss Phil's ever had, and he hadn't even confirmed yet whether or not he had any feelings for Dan. He would be pulling away any second now, leaving Dan to figure out how to move on.

But Phil wasn't pulling away. In fact, Dan had to pinch his own thigh to keep from moaning when he felt Phil's tongue trying to slip its way into his mouth. This was perfect, all he'd ever wanted, and he prayed that it wouldn't be over too soon. He let Phil explore his mouth, and it was a little awkward and messy so he let Dan take a turn. When they finally broke apart to breathe, Phil was the first to speak.

“I've never done that before,” he said.

“I know,” Dan answered, because what else was he supposed to say? He expected Phil to back away, to say he was sorry but he was still calling the lawyer, but he didn't.

“In case it wasn't clear, I love you, too,” Phil said.

“You do?” Dan asked, because there was a part of him still convinced that this wasn't really happening.

“I do. And I'm sorry for making you feel that way. If I hadn't overreacted, then you might have been comfortable talking to me about this. Dan, I've loved you for months, and I only mentioned divorce because I thought that's what you would want. To get away from your pervy old man husband,” Phil said, and of course he tried to make a joke in a moment like this.

Dan smiled and finally reached forward to take Phil's hand. “I just want you, Phil,” he said, and then immediately backtracked. “I mean, not like that. I want, I want it to be different this time, because it is different with you. We don't need to do anything, we can wait. I'll wait forever. I just want to be with you,” he tried to explain, and he felt Phil squeeze his hand as he grinned.

“I knew what you meant,” he whispered, and then pressed his lips to Dan's again.

This time, Dan didn't hesitate to lightly place his hands on Phil's waist. Their kisses were still slow and sweet, everything that they'd both been missing, and Dan never wanted it to end. Once Phil had gotten the hang of it, Dan could easily say that this was the best kissing he'd ever received in his life. He just felt so loved, so cherished, and no one had ever felt that way about him before.

They let their hands roam each others bodies freely, just exploring each other slowly. For a moment, Dan feared that he might unintentionally try to speed things along, that his body would react in ways that might make Phil uncomfortable, but he soon forgot his fears. He let himself get lost in Phil because for the first time in his life, this was so much more than a means to an end. This was about finally getting to be close to each other in ways that neither of them thought they would ever have. Dan barely noticed when his back pressed against the counter.

“Let me make love to you, Dan,” he whispered against Dan's lips.

Dan shuddered and couldn't even begin to think of how to respond to that. He only kissed Phil once more and then took his hand.

Phil lead them to his bedroom, and Dan went completely pliant under him. They went slow, Dan explaining everything step by step, and for the first time in his life, it didn't feel awkward. This was all about Phil, and about being close to each other.

They laughed and kissed and explored and then finally, the moment was here. They moved together slowly, perfectly, and Dan couldn't help but feel like they were a perfect fit. Neither one were trying to outdo the other, they weren't racing to the finish, they were just being together. They were sharing a beautiful thing together as two people who love each other, giving and taking all of each other.

Phil buried his face in Dan's neck and kept moving, peppering as many kisses as his ragged breathing would allow. Dan let himself close his eyes, relax, and simply enjoy it. He didn't have to put on a show or do all the work chasing down his orgasm.

And for the first time in his life, he knew he didn't need to give warning or ask permission before he climaxed. He knew that Phil would never reprimand him or deny him. He wrapped his arms around Phil and hung on for dear life because, God, it had never been like this before.

After, they lay in each others arms and caught their breath. They didn't say anything for a while, because they didn't really need to. They loved each other, and they were finally free to act on that. Dan wondered how different things would be now. He imagined that it would be just the same, only with more touching and kissing sprinkled in.

“What're you grinning about?” Phil asked sleepily.

Honestly, Dan hadn't noticed that he'd been grinning like a mad man. “Just thinking.”

“What about?”

“Just… I've never done that before.”

Phil gave him a confused look.

“I've never done it… like that, before,” Dan said, blushing.

“Like what?” Phil asked.

Dan tried to curl into a ball and hide against Phil's chest. “Mmm, don't make me say it. I'm embarrassed,” but he still couldn't stop grinning.

Phil gave a nervous chuckle and tried to tickle Dan's sides. “Please tell me. Was it bad?”

Dan straightened back up and answered seriously, “Why would you think that? It was so, so good. So… like, beautiful, and different. Like you really loved me, and you were saying it over and over without actually saying it. It actually /felt/ like you loved me and I loved you, and I've never- it's…”

“I do love you,” Phil said, and Dan just wanted to cry all over again because he knew it was true. What he didn't know was how he'd gotten so lucky.