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Damien watched her sleeping, studying her form for the moment while he had a chance. Once she woke up, she would learn who they were and she would never really look at him again. It didn't matter that they weren't in the Demon World anymore, not once a person learned the truth of him. James was the lost prince of a kingdom, superior in every way, and with an aura of dominance everyone in the room could feel. The second eldest, Eric, was flirtatious, charming, and always available to sweep a woman right off her feet. Even if Sam was considered the Brute, that had a certain appeal. His strength was unmatched and he was fearless. Women always seemed to find Matthew adorable, his wide eyes making them feel safe and cared for, while managing to appear completely non-threatening. Between the four of them, they had everything a person could be searching for, could meet anyone's needs and preferences. Damien, by comparison, people had always seen as not only inconsequential, but unnecessary.
Damien understood his alleged shortcomings, all too well. He was viewed as withdrawn, weak, and he was the son of a harem mother. He was not illegitimate but he might as well have been, not entitled to toys or even a place to sleep. At best, he was considered a nuisance and at worst...he didn't like to think what he had been told he was at worst. He tried not to see himself in such a harsh light, tried to remind himself that here they were all on an equal footing, but it was hard. Even in the human world, people rarely really saw him, at least not if he was standing by one of his brothers. He had always been so busy trying not to be noticed that now, he had no idea how to make the people he wanted to see him actually do so.
Mostly, that was okay though. So long as his brothers saw him and so long as his brothers loved him, it was enough. It was undeniable that his life was also so much better here. He may feel unnoticed, but he also was finally free from being despised and abused, hated for things he did not ask for. No one did that to him here, and even if he was outwardly much the same, he had changed inside. He had learned that he wasn't the one with the problem. But with walls as high as his, defense mechanisms that ran that deep, old habits were proving hard to break.
It was for all of these reasons that he watched over Mika and took the moment to memorize her as entirely as he could. Her straight and silky hair fell barely to the small of her back when she was standing, and every time she moved it brushed across her like a caress. Black hair gave way to pale skin and under her eyelids, he knew sharp, green eyes were shining. She wore simple clothes, just a collared shirt with a vest and fitted jeans. Her clothes skimmed across her curves, only showing hints of softness underneath. But what Damien found his eyes drawn to most, over and over, were her lips. He was dazed by the light pink hue, the softness and fullness. Envy burned deep within him for his brothers who had felt them. It wasn't often that he felt this way, he had never begrudged his brothers anything.
She had been sleeping dreamlessly, but as she awoke, he stepped back to the wall so as not to frighten her.
And yet, as Damien lay in his bed later that night, thinking about Mika and feeling the tug of those memories, things had not been as he thought they would. When she awoke, she remained still and calm, gave him the benefit of the doubt. He had been able to hold her, tuck her close to his chest when her knees wobbled as she tried to rise from her bed. She hadn't changed, so he had not touched her skin, but she had inadvertently touched her fingers to his neck, brushing them across as they walked, and he'd had to fight down a shiver. Carrying her was like carrying a pile of fine china, something inherently precious and fragile. She had looked up at him with a blush and thought how strong he was, how soft his hair was, and how he had an adorable smile. It had made him swell with pride.
Each of his brothers had a moment to talk to her before dinner began, and Damien figured his time was up. That was okay, and he was resigned just to have that nice, little moment. Those were still so new to him. So he had been surprised when as he stood of to the side of the living room, he had heard her thoughts, searching for him and filled with curiosity when they settled on his form in the corner of the room. He didn't remember anyone ever even noticing he wasn't somewhere, save for his brothers, let alone actually wanting to find him. And now she sat at a table with all of them, and instead of seeking one of their attentions, she had looked for him. He could hear his brother's thoughts, they were all curious and enamored with her. When her eyes met his, Mika's thoughts turned to relief. In a room full of unknowns, he made her feel safe, though she didn't know why.
Damien had turned red at that, but he chastised himself for being flustered. Feeling safe with him didn't mean anything but just that.
The next morning, the work to prepare for Mika's housewarming party began.
---
Mika had a mischievous side. They were working on cleaning the house for the housewarming party and Mika had chosen to help him in the foyer. Now that she knew he could read minds, she tried to be more guarded with her thoughts, but it only worked sometimes. At that moment, however, she was thinking about sliding down the bannisters. When he hesitated, she flooded her thoughts with how fun it was, how freeing, how very childlike and joyful the activity could be. He was fairly confident he'd give her anything she asked for when she looked at him with that grin, so he knew before he even really acknowledged it out loud: 'Yes, we're going down the bannisters.'
She wasn't wrong, per se, it was a great deal of fun. Except stopping was never discussed and they had that exact same thought at the exact same time, which was approximately 5 seconds before they slammed into one another and landed tangled up in each other, Mika's body pressed beneath his.
He waited for her to slap him or push him off roughly, and he cursed himself internally for agreeing to this. But at the same time, he was only halfheartedly REALLY regretting it, because the length of her body pressed against his was intoxicating. But when she started to laugh, loud and strong, her belly bumping against his own, he couldn't help but share in her joy.
Damien rolled off her to the side and when she rolled towards him, beaming a smile with happiness just bursting out of her, he thought he had never seen anything so perfect in his entire life. She was beautiful, sure. But she was so many more important things. She was so compassionate, so kind, so ALIVE. And in the strangest turn of events, she was looking at him like he might be worth something too. He could hear the good-natured jealousy of his brothers. They were envious, but they also would never, ever begrudge him something that made him happy. They thought she wanted him, thought she had made some sort of choice by wanting to help him clean.
But how did they even think Mika knew that there was a choice to be made? Maybe she'd want one of them, maybe she'd want none of them. His brothers were trying to impress her, trying to get her to look at them, and maybe that's why she was here with him. Maybe she was spending time with him because he never tried to command or even hoped for her attention. Or maybe she simply preferred to clean bannisters.
---
He tried to concentrate on the books in the study, but he was already overwhelmed by the thoughts of everyone in the mansion. Sam was in the shower, thinking about what it would feel like to have all of Mika's soft, pale skin soaped up under his hands. James was in the study, picturing her bent over the arm chair while the smell of paper and leather filled the air. Eric was in the gazebo, imagining settling down between her legs and pleasing her while she wore a crown of flowers. Matthew was in the kitchen, thinking about whip cream and strawberries and eating off skin he imagined would be sweeter than any pastry he could ever make. But Mika, Mika only had one brother in her thoughts, and it was him.
"Damien?"
He turned around at the sound of his name and swallowed hard. His mouth was suddenly dry.
"Oh, hello," he managed with a small smile. He was already aching to be near her, but that was not going to happen. Instead, he asked something he was very curious to know. "Do humans really study this much?"
Mika shrugged. "Depends on the human, I suppose."
He shook his head slightly, trying to rid himself of the bitter taste settling in his throat. He would have killed to be able to access that kind of knowledge. He may have been uneducated but he was smart: smart enough to be angry about not being allowed to learn to read and drown his miserable existence in a different world.
Damien met her eyes, shifting from foot to foot. "Are there things you can't study? Or can humans learn anything at any time?"
Mika explained about libraries and bookstores, about schools and teachers. He admitted he hadn't been taught to read, even though it shamed him. She looked genuinely perplexed when he told her demons aren't allowed to learn to read unless they're nobles. And that's when he realized he had messed up. Because now, she would want to know why he wasn't a noble.
Desperately looking for a change of subject, Damien pointed to her hands. "You brought food?"
"Oh," she said, blushing slightly. "Yes, I made lunch." She gave him a sheepish grin and he smiled at her.
"Thank you," he said simply, sitting down and taking his plate. Mika settled on the floor beside him, darting glances towards him and trying to work herself up to ask the question she wanted. Resigned, Damien sighed.
"Because I'm not a noble," he told her. She became flustered at having accidently asked such a personal question with so little tact, even if it was only in her head, but Damien was quick to reassure her.
"We all have different mothers," he explained. "I'm the youngest, and the only one who wasn't born to a wife and queen of the Demon Lord. My mother was a not a noble and not a queen. So... I'm not a noble."
Mika looked down at her food and he could hear her mentally kicking herself.
"I'm sorry..." she said quietly, sounding unsure of herself.
Damien smiled at her, still feeling a bit down, but wanting her to feel better.
"For what?" he asked her, trying to put on a brave face. "You didn't know and were curious. It was only appropriate to ask."
But now he was less sad about who he had been in the Demon World, and more focused on how he had just told her the truth of his secret. 4 nobles, one not. It wasn't very hard to figure out who was the worst choice here, and honestly, he liked Mika. REALLY liked her. He wanted her to be with someone good enough for her, and he didn't think he nor any of his brothers were.
Her thoughts had started out sad for him, but now they took off like a shot. So many questions whirled in her brain about the palace and their life there, questions piling one on top of another in her brain, and Damien couldn't help but chuckle. He watched her flush and look away abashedly, well aware he could hear her everything she was thinking.
"Sorry..." she said again, refusing to meet his eyes.
Damien shook his head, grinning. "You keep saying sorry when you don't need to. It's kind of cute."
Mika blushed a deeper crimson and looked to be very intent on her food.
Suddenly, Damien felt the telltale pain of hunger come roaring to life and before he could stop it, a groan of discomfort slipped from his lips.
Mika's eyes got wide and she looked at him with a worried expression. "Damien," she asked, "Are you okay?"
'God Damn it,' he thought, clenching his teeth. 'Not now. Not with her.' He wanted so badly not to be weak in front of her, not to be a monster, even if he was, at least in front of her.
"Yeah," he told her, trying to school his face into a blank expression. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."
Crap, it was getting worse. He swallowed down the scream of pain that tried to escape his throat against his will. She scooted closer to him and all he really wanted, no, NEEDED, from her was for her to get away from him and fast.
"Damien..." she started, trying to catch his eyes. Hers were the same pretty emeralds, but concern and empathy was so apparent in them that he just had to look away.
"It's...It's just a headache," he spit, trying to force the words to not betray the agony and failing to do so. "I get it when I run out of energy." Realizing what he had just said, he could have smacked himself. Now Mika was going to try to fix it. He had been too distracted and he blurted the truth. "I'll be fine," Damien finished, rather lamely.
She was thinking on his pain, he could hear her. Formulating a plan to make his pain better, her pretty little head was filling with all sorts of ideas that were extremely unhelpful to Damien in this moment.
"I'll be fine..." he said through gritted teeth, silently begging she would leave and save them both from his hunger.
'Crap...' he thought, as he saw the decision being made in her head. Gods, was she out to torture him? A man only had so much self-restraint and she was fraying his alive. Didn't she know that she shouldn't be offering her delicious energy to a damn Incubus?
"Damien..." she started. He jerked away from her, trying to escape while his body screamed at him to have her. Damien didn't want to be that with her. For her, he was Damien the sweet one, Damien the quiet one, Damien the adorable one. He thought again and again that he did not want to be Damien the Monster, not ever with her.
"No!" he almost shouted as she reached for him. "I'll be fine," he said, hoping it sounded reassuring. "I'm used to it."
Suddenly, Mika grabbed his shoulder, wrenching him around and slamming her lips to his. Gods, it was everything he wanted. It took everything he had just to let her kiss him. His head pounded and he felt weak, but even with that, his heart felt as if it was bursting. She was kissing him and it was better than anything he had ever dreamed, even if it hurt too. It was bittersweet, having her kiss but not for the reason he yearned for.
"Damien. Let me help you. Please. I don't want to see you in pain like this..." she told him. She looked like she might cry, unsure of how to help if he wouldn't let her.
"Mika," he said through gritted teeth. "If you kiss someone, I want it to be because you want to, not because you think you have to."
She shook her head, her bottom lip quivering. "Read my mind, Damien. Tell me I don't want this."
But of course, he knew part of her did want it. She hated his pain, was so empathetic, she yearned to make it better. She was going to make him say it. He was weak and he was vulnerable and she wasn't going to understand or let up until he said his humiliating thoughts out loud. 'So be it,' he thought glumly.
"Mika, I can't! Not with you. I don't want to kiss you because I need energy, I want to kiss you because I really, really want to kiss you," he paused, trying to make himself make sense whilst his head exploded into tiny fragments. "Which I do, want to kiss you, I mean."
Gods, was he forming coherent sentences? Damien wasn't sure. But there was nothing to do but press on, so he continued. "I don't want you to kiss me just for this and leave me wanting what I'll never have. I'd rather the pain, Mika. Really, you are so kind and sweet to want to help, but I need you to go before I lose control."
There was a beat of silence, and then she was climbing in his lap and straddling him. His mind screamed that maybe she wasn't as kind as he thought because this was just so cruel.
"Damien, look at me," she demanded, lifting his chin so he had to meet her eyes. "I like you too. Not like a friend, not like a brother; I like you like a man who I am attracted to. Mentally and physically, all of you. Alright? But, seriously, could we talk about this later because right now-"
She never got to finish her thought because the next moment Damien's lips were on hers and his enthrallment was running through her and all he could think of was how he had never in his life ever imagined he'd be this happy.