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Sirius visits the Potters one night during the war.
He needs to see James. Needs to touch and hold and simply be near him for as long as he can before they must separate (temporarily, he tells himself).
The two of them duck into the study while Lily busies herself upstairs. She does not want to intrude on their time together, not now, when time is so precious.
Lily knows that there are parts of her husband that belong solely to another, and she is so, so grateful that Sirius Black exists because as long as he does, James Potter will be protected. She thanks the stars for Sirius Black.
Downstairs, James considers how best to phrase what he needs to say. He decides to be direct. "I need you to promise me something," he says.
Sirius frowns but says nothing. He knows that he won't like what comes next.
Things are bad. It doesn't need to be said. Things have been bad for years, and they will continue to get worse. There's no way around that.
And while they have always been open and honest with each other, refusing to hide behind gruff words and manly personas, there are things they don't talk about. Not because they are embarrassed or ashamed, but because it is simply too painful.
The idea of one of them living in this world without the other, for instance.
For a moment, there is silence in the study.
Sirius waits for James to continue. He doesn't like the look on his friend's face, or in his eyes. James's voice is calm but there is an awful dread hanging in the air between them.
James looks upward, and listens to Lily's soft footsteps upstairs. He takes a deep breath and looks into his best friend's eyes.
"If you have to make a choice-"
Sirius cuts him off. "Not another word."
James just looks at him, and his eyes are pleading.
Sirius will not be moved. "I mean it."
"Sirius-"
"NO, James."
"It has to be her."
"It won't come to that," Sirius says immediately and earnestly. Because it won't. He won't let it. There is nothing he would not do to keep the Potters safe. So when he tells James that he will never have to make this terrible choice, this unfathomable choice between James and Lily, he means it.
James already made that choice, a long time ago. He would lay down and die this second if it would guarantee Lily's safety in this war. He would do the same for Sirius. Lily Evans is his true love, and Sirius Black is his soulmate. These facts exists simultaneously and harmoniously within him.
And Sirius loves Lily, too. It took a while, but he does love her. Not as much as he loves James, because he has never and will never love anyone as much as he loves James Potter (except Harry, but he doesn't know that yet). Still, he knows he would fight to keep her safe, for her own sake and not just because she is his best friend's wife.
But James. Stars in heaven, James.
Sirius Black cannot imagine a world without James Potter in it, cannot imagine a life without James Potter at his side. So when James asks him to makes this horrifying promise, he cannot (will not) consider it.
James looks down, silently. Sirius steps forward and places his hands on both sides of his friend's face. James looks up.
"You listen to me," says Sirius. "You and me, we're gonna be ninety years old, sitting side by side down at the pub and complaining about our aching hips, you hear me? And Lily's gonna be right there, dragging us home by our ears. That's gonna be us. All three of us, gone gray. So don't worry, all right?"
James cannot help but smile, because the idea is so lovely. A beautiful dream. He wants it to come true so badly.
He nods and raises his own hands, placing them over Sirius's. "I know."
Sirius seems satisfied. "It's a promise, you hear?"
And it is.
****
THE END