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Magnus noticed Taako from day one; he was stunningly beautiful and devastatingly funny. Out of my league, thought Magnus. And even if, somehow, impossibly, Taako ever stooped enough to notice him, what would the rest of the crew members think? More specifically, what would LUP think if he went after her brother? And then what if things went sour? For all he knew, the seven of them were going to be stuck together for an eternity. God, an eternity in a confined space with an ex? Best to stick it out alone and try very, VERY hard to ignore it.
And he tried. Very hard.
Taako noticed Magnus (and Magnus’ muscles) right off the bat, and he noticed them increasingly. Heroism was something of a pitiable trait and Taako refused to be caught dead with it (because death is certainly something you caught with heroism), but he had to admit Magnus wore heroism pretty damn well.
“I’ve seen you looking at him,” Lup said. She had Taako hostage. She had him seated on her bed, her fingers knotted in his hair as she used him as a model for an elaborate braid she was trying to figure out. (She did it on him, she said, because she wanted to see how it would look on her.)
Taako, for the briefest moment, entertained the notion that he could pretend to not know who she was talking about, but that thought evaporated immediately. He could never lie to Lup—not successfully, anyway. He went with his only other tactic: evasive maneuvers. “Listen,” he said, meeting her eyes in the mirror as his face split into a grin. “I can’t help it. I’m a hot-blooded elf, aren’t I? How could I possibly be expected to resist the masculine wiles of Captain Davenport?”
Lup tugged the braid she was holding perhaps harder than was strictly necessary. “I’ve seen him looking at you, too,” she said, refusing to be shaken.
All of the moments that he’d noticed Magnus’ eyes dart away from him just as Taako’s gaze turned in his direction flashed through Taako’s mind. He felt his pulse quicken. “Gee, Lup,” he said. “You think Davenport really feels the same way?”
This time Lup flicked him in the ear, hard.
“Ow!”
“If you keep being an ass you’re going to make me mess up, and I’ve almost got it. Pass me a hair pin.”
Taako obliged. His reflection in the mirror betrayed the slight flush that had spread across his face; subtle as it was, it was too much to hope that Lup hadn’t noticed.
She took the pin and secured the final strand so it draped gracefully over the tapestry of braids she’d woven together in his hair. “Just... be careful, okay? It looks like we’re all going to be stuck together for a long time.”
“I get it,” he said, gently patting his hair to get the feel of it. “Don’t ruin the friendship. Totally on board. Hand me the other mirror so I can see the back.”
Lup eyed him suspiciously as he turned to face her, holding up the smaller mirror and examining the reflection critically. “You agreed to that... suspiciously quickly,” she said.
“No, it makes total sense,” Taako insisted, sincerity dripping from his voice. He tucked a few errant ends of a braid behind a pin, his eyes never leaving the mirror. “The dynamic of this crew is too important to mess up. We’re on an important mission to save the world, right? Like, all of them? All the worlds? We can’t let relationship drama fuck with saving all the worlds, right?”
“That’s... essentially what I was getting at,” Lup said slowly, sensing the trap but not seeing it.
“So that’s it! Case closed! We’re keeping things strictly platonic.”
“Well, that’s—” Lup started.
“So we’re just going to do what platonic friends do,” Taako said, dropping the mirror, “just like you and Barry! After all, what’s a little fucking between friends?”
The breath whooshed out of Lup’s lungs as though he’d punched her. “How did you—?”
Taako couldn’t contain a cackle at the look on Lup’s face. “Oh honey, PLEASE. You think I haven’t noticed you sneaking out of his room?”
Lup’s shocked expression was cracked by an involuntary laugh. “Oh, you ASS,” she said, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at him.
The ensuing battle was short but vigorous, and ended with both of them collapsed haphazardly on Lup’s bed. Taako’s elegant hair was thoroughly ruined.
“Waste of a good hairstyle,” groaned Taako between wheezing breaths. “Truce?”
Lup elbowed him in the ribs, and Taako yelped. “Okay,” she said, snuggling up to him and putting her head on his shoulder. “Now truce.”
Taako moved his arm to accommodate her, letting it fall around her shoulders. They lay there for a while.
“You’re being careful too, right?” he said.
He heard her breath in deeply through her nose. “Yeah,” she said. “I think so.”
Taako turned his head to look at her. “Good,” he said. “I’ll be careful if you’ll be careful.”
She smiled up at him serenely.
Neither of them were careful.
Knowing the person you love will come back at the cycle’s end does not make watching them die any easier. Taako’s survival instincts were pretty good, but sometimes the Hunger got lucky. He had been standing right next to Magnus when—well, he didn’t actually quite know exactly what it was that got him. It had hurt very badly—he remembered that—and he remembered whatever it was pulling him back and out of Magnus’ reach. In the flickerings of his memory, he knew that the quantity of his own blood that he could see meant that it was very bad indeed. The last thing he heard was Magnus’ anguished scream as he was pulled away.
The next thing he remembered was manifesting on the ship, with Magnus’ arms around him seconds later. For a moment, Taako allowed himself to melt into his embrace, but he was also aware when it went on for slightly longer than decorum dictated.
“Hey,” he joked weakly, half crushed against Magnus’ chest, “I was gone for, like, ten minutes.”
“Yeah, but it was a pretty nasty way to go,” Merle said. “One of those Hunger tendrils went right through you.”
“It kind of looked like your chest exploded,” Barry added helpfully.
“Gross,” Taako said. “Is that the best eulogy you got?”
Magnus still hadn’t let go; his face was hidden from the rest of the team. Lup tapped him gently on the shoulder. “Hey, big guy. He’s okay. Can I hug my dead brother now?”
If Magnus’ cheerful expression looked a little forced when he pulled away, everyone pretended not to notice.
What finally broke Taako was another instance of Magnus being a goddamn hero. They had the Light of Creation, but the Hunger had come sooner than they expected. Davenport powered up the ship as the Hunger’s black columns slammed down around them.
“Magnus! It’s time to fucking go, my dude!” The townspeople were panicking, running around; none of them were particularly skilled fighters. Magnus was working to give them some cover.
“I got this!” Magnus shouted back. “I’ll catch up with you!”
“Taako!” Lup pulled at his sleeve as she ran past. “Let’s go!”
Taako watched as she disappeared into the Starblaster. “You heard the lady!” he shouted at Magnus. “Ship’s leaving!”
Magnus carved his axe through a ghostly elven figure. “I’ll catch you there on the other side!”
An irrational rage swept through Taako. He gritted his teeth and blasted some nearby creatures as he backed his way toward the ship. His foot found the base of the ramp and he staggered backwards up it as the Starblaster lifted off the ground. As the ship carried him up and away, he watched Magnus hack and slash at the Hunger around him.
There were so many. Before his eyes, a dark throng rose up behind Magnus.
“Taako!” Lup screamed. “Taako, what are you doing?!”
It wasn’t until he heard those words that Taako realized he had jumped off the ramp. He was hurtling directly toward the rippling opalescent shape poised to come crashing down on Magnus. Taako considered casting featherfall, but it seemed like a waste of a good spell slot. They hadn’t been that far off the ground, anyway. Instead he brought his feet around for what he hoped was a sweet-ass kick and hurtled into the Hunger that was about to attack Magnus. As it crumpled, he tumbled to the ground in a heap.
Magnus stared at him in astonishment. He reached down and pulled Taako to his feet. “Taako? What are you—” Magnus was distracted. His question was cut off as he clumsily swung to parry an attack.
“What, I can’t be a hero, too?” Taako asked. He blasted a Magic Missile at the Hunger that had just attacked and glared at Magnus furiously. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware you had a monopoly on being a fucking idiot.”
Magnus grinned. Together, they fought the Hunger until, inevitably, side-by-side, they died.
When Taako materialized back on the deck of the Starblaster, in the position he was always in, he turned on his heel and stalked out to the deck, ignoring Lup’s halting step toward him and Merle’s whispered, “What’s eating him?”
It wasn’t until he clutched the railing that he let out the long breath he’d been holding. Behind him he heard Magnus’ slow measured steps approach. He felt his arms trembling and willed them, unsuccessfully, to be still.
“Taako?” Magnus’ voice was quiet.
Taako gritted his teeth. “Why do you have to do that?” He kept his gaze pointed into the void beyond the railing. “Why do you always have to do that?”
He heard Magnus shift his weight. “We had the Light of Creation,” he said. “That meant that plane wouldn’t be destroyed. That meant we could save some of those people. The people down there—they don’t come back. But we do.”
“Yeah, so far!” Taako burst. He whirled to face Magnus. “What if— what if the Hunger came and struck the ship out of the sky? What then, huh? What if none of us made it through? What if—what if—” With horror that Taako realized hot tears were burning his eyes and threatening to spill down his face. He blinked them back furiously. “What if you died,” he finished, choking a little on the words, “and didn’t come back?”
Suddenly he was enfolded in Magnus’ arms. He felt the slow rise of Magnus’ chest against his face, leaving incriminating damp evidence of Taako’s tears on his shirt. And then Magnus pulled away, and Magnus was wiping the remaining spilling tears away with his thumbs as he cradled Taako’s face, and then Magnus’ lips were on his.
“You know,” Magnus said, later, the weight of Taako’s head on his bare chest, “if the Starblaster DID get hit out of the sky, it wouldn’t really matter if I died two minutes before you did. It would kind of even out.”
“Bullshit,” Taako said, propping himself up on an elbow and looking at Magnus severely. “You would go out in your Magnus blaze of glory. I would see you die, probably horribly, if we’re honest, just based on the trend, and then I’d have to deal with the emotional distress of watching the ship go down. You’d spend your last moments oblivious, and I’d spend my last moments just knowing we’re fucked. That’s, like, way worse for me. It’s a totally unfair situation.”
Magnus smirked up at him. “Sounds like a good deal for me. I’d go out knowing you’re safe.”
Taako stared down at him with an unreadable expression. There was a long pause. “I’m sorry,” he said at last. “That was the sweetest goddamn shit anyone’s ever said to me, and I need a minute to recover before I can come up with an appropriately scathing retort.”
Magnus chuckled and pulled Taako back down to him. Taako curled himself against Magnus’ side. There was another pause.
“You got one yet?” Taako could feel the rumble of Magnus’ voice in his chest.
“Yeah, I think so. Can you give me the lead-in again?”
Magnus traced his fingers slowly up and down Taako’s back. “I’d go out knowing you’re safe.”
“Yeah,” Taako said, “Well you’d be WRONG.”
Magnus looked down at him. “That was pretty weak.”
“Yeah,” Taako agreed, “Not my best.”
They lay in contented silence for a while, slowly growing sleepy.
“I’m going to keep rushing in, you know,” Magnus said at last.
“Ugh. Do you have to?” Taako mumbled into Magnus’ shoulder. “It stresses me out. It’s bad for my skin.”
Magnus smiled and gently ran his fingers through Taako’s long hair. “Well. You’ll just have to make sure you get out, so I’ll come back.”
That was the night, Taako would later decide, that he regretted forgetting the most.
When Taako encountered Magnus again, after, they of course had no recollection of each other. When they met for what they thought was the first time, the attraction was still there. He was sure Magnus felt it too, but the heavy weight of Julia’s ghost hung on Magnus’ shoulders. Taako had his ghosts, too—he was jaded after growing up alone, and after being abandoned by Sazed. Not that he could blame Sazed for leaving, after seeing what Taako had done. In any case, getting attached to others was, he knew, a destructive thing. He’d follow along to save the world, and might allow himself to develop something like a friendship with Merle and Magnus, but anything beyond that was out of the question. He had to look out for himself, and not let anything compromise that.
And yet… Taako remembered marveling at the time, after Wonderland, at how quickly he had cast his soul out of his body to try to save Magnus. He hadn’t even thought about it—Edward had forced out Magnus, and Taako’s immediate response was to send out his soul to save him. It had been thoughtless, dangerous, perhaps even heroic—entirely uncharacteristic. He had spent many hours afterward asking himself why he had done that, why he had done something so dangerous and stupid. He never found an answer.
Until he remembered.
The weight of the memories drove Taako to his knees. He remembered everything. I.P.R.E. The Starblaster. Lucretia and Davenport and Magnus and Merle and Barry—who they really were. And Lup… How could he have forgotten Lup? He wouldn’t have believed there was a magic in the world strong enough to erase his sister. A twisted cognitive dissonance rang through his head as his memories conflicted. He knew now that he was never alone; Lup was always there. But he also remembered the crushing loneliness of growing up on his own. Or, at least, remembered remembering being alone, and the emotion was almost the same. He’d had Lup the whole time, until—
Taako suddenly became acutely aware of the Umbrastaff next to him. He’d taken it from the body they’d stumbled across so long ago. He’d been standing right in front of the body of his sister, and he hadn’t known. He’d been carrying her staff all this time, and he hadn’t known. His sister was dead, and he. hadn’t. known.
Taako staggered to his feet. He clenched the Umbrastaff in his hand and pointed it at Lucretia, the woman who he had thought for a hundred years had been his friend.
“Ten.”
Lucretia stared at him, wide-eyed.
“Nine.”
“Taako,” Lucretia said weakly, “I know you’re upset—”
“Eight.”
Taako felt Magnus come stand next to him without speaking, weapon drawn. The heat of his proximity brought a new wave of emotions, brought a new wave of memories into focus. The memory of his relationship with Magnus mixed messily with his feelings for Kravitz. Magnus was standing close, Taako noticed, but not touching him. He wanted desperately to look at him, to see what emotions were on his face, but was too afraid of what he’d see.
“Listen,” Lucretia pleaded.
“Seven.” Taako felt his hand trembling on the Umbrastaff. He shifted his grip tighter.
“Please listen to me, please—”
“Six.”
Lucretia looked at them both desperately. “Please stop—Okay.”
“What the hell are you two doing?” Interjected Merle. Taako waited for Magnus to say something. He didn’t.
Taako’s teeth were gritted, but he forced the word though. “Five.”
Magnus finally spoke. “The chance for you to explain yourself was, mmm, about twelve memories ago.” Taako tried to read the emotion in his voice but couldn’t.
“And honestly, seven seconds ago. I’m doing this cool countdown—” Taako cut off. He didn’t have the energy. “You fucking took,” He said with considerable effort, “everything from me.” Lup’s staff was visibly trembling in his hand as he held it out. The inches of distance between him and Magnus felt like a chasm.
Lucretia’s voice shook. “I know that things went wrong, I know I shouldn’t have kept you all in the dark for as long as I did. I swear, I had no idea how arduous a task this was gonna be, I know I have a lot for atone for.” Her tone was pleading. “But please, just— I’m begging you let me finish this and we can talk about it.”
Taako’s gaze was locked on Lucretia. He could have sworn he saw her eyes flick from him to Magnus and back again. He saw the point of his staff—Lup’s staff—centered on Lucretia’s chest. He mentally flipped through the spells that would do it. Around him, he was aware of Merle staring in alarm, of Barry and Davenport watching from the shadows, of Carey and Killian frozen by the door.
He sighed and dropped his arm. “Fine.” The tension of the room dropped enough for Merle to release a quiet, slightly hysterical laugh.
“What are you finishing?” Merle asked Lucretia.
Taako only half-heard the others rehash the debate they’d had on the Starblaster. He still wasn’t grounded. In an instant, he’d lost Lup three times: she’d vanished, she’d died, and every memory he’d had of her had been stolen. And Magnus… While the others bickered, Taako scanned Magnus’ face for a sign that might indicate how Magnus’ memories of their time together on the Starblaster were mixing with his memories of Julia. Magnus just looked pained. He did not look Taako’s way.
Barry was arguing with Lucretia. “Lucretia, you can't do this! We told you why the barrier’s not gonna work. It's going to sever every bond this world’s ever had. Please, I— I know why you did what you did, but you just— you can’t do this!”
Magnus still hadn’t spoken. As Davenport opened his mouth to say something else,Taako broke in. “You know, honestly—do whatever you want. I don’t care anymore.” The voids left by Lup and Magnus echoed inside him.
Everyone turned to look at him. “Taako, please just trust me,” Lucretia pleaded. “It’s— what we did to this world, it— you know it wasn’t right. We made a promise almost a hundred years ago—” Was she really trying to get him to take her side?
Almost as if he’d read Taako’s thoughts, Magnus interrupted her. “Lucretia, do you realize that—you remember that Taako just realized he lost his sister. This isn’t the time for you to explain yourself!” Magnus turned to face Taako, and gently placed his hands on Taako’s arms. The ancient familiarity of his touch ached. “Taako, listen. I know this is tough but— you found her! Maybe not how you expected to, but when you weren’t looking you found her. That’s the connection— that’s how strong your connection is to Lup. She’s still helping you, you’re still working together! And she wouldn’t want you to give up!”
Taako opened his eyes and searched Magnus’ face. There was a mix of emotions there he couldn’t quite read. Lup was gone. She’d been taken from him in every conceivable way. What did it matter what she would have wanted anymore? But Magnus was here, standing before him. What did he want? It had been years, but the emotion in the newly recovered memories felt fresh and raw. But then, so did his feelings for Kravitz, assuming Kravitz was still alive. An image flashed into his mind: him and Magnus, two souls clinging to each other in a swirling void. Kravitz being pulled under the black waters in the Astral Plane, even as Taako pulled Magnus away from the same fate.
For a long moment, Taako and Magnus stared at each other. There was sorrow in Magnus’ face—sorrow, yes, and alarm, and pain, and… pity. There it was. Magnus pitied him. The recognition must have registered in his own expression, because guilt crossed Magnus’ face soon after. Magnus—He had forgotten Taako, and fallen deeply in love with Julia. Maybe Magnus had loved Taako on the ship—they had never used the word, but maybe he had—but Magnus had loved Julia so deeply that there wasn’t room for anyone else anymore.
Taako had lost Lup, and Taako had lost Magnus. Lucretia had betrayed him. And if she was capable of that, after 100 years of sharing a life together, what evidence was there that the others wouldn’t do the same? So yeah. Fine. Bring on the apocalypse. He had nothing left to fight for.
Taako stepped out of Magnus’ grasp. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do,” he told him, “and I’m on board for whatever the plan is.” He held Magnus’ gaze. “But understand this: I have nothing, and I don’t give a shit. The world is ending, and I. Don't. Care.”