Work Text:
If Sam could kick himself, he would. Since Dean started accepting his new mojo, stretching his wings and reporting to Cas in Heaven, he’s kind of taken it for granted that nothing was going to get the drop on his brother. Which makes it all the more traumatic when he rounds the corner into the alleyway to see Dean grapple with the guy in the fedora they’ve been following, and disappear in a flash of bright red light.
He can only stare in horror when Dean doesn’t pop back up a moment later. He rips his phone out of his pocket, almost tearing his coat in the process, and quickly presses Dean’s speed dial number.
He only gets the automated message, telling him the number he is trying to reach is out of service. Reluctantly, he returns to the house they were squatting in to look for more clues about their mysterious red-light guy.
They’d taken on this case on a recommendation from Jody, who’d heard about the mummified bodies of people who just hadn’t been dead long enough for that kind of decomposition. She’d woken Sam up by calling in the night; Dean, of course, was wide awake and watching cartoon smut. Sam’s pretty sure there’s some blasphemy involved there somewhere, but since the new Sheriff of Heaven is getting freaky with his brother on a regular basis, maybe not.
After finding a place to squat in Canton, Ohio, they interview a stoner who is adamant he saw the guy next door get mummified by a Justin Timberlake wannabe. They’ve had weirder witness statements. Sam’s never getting over that Paris Hilton thing.
Dean doesn’t get any tingles from his Spidey senses, so it’s down to some good old-fashioned research. Once Sam starts digging through the online archives, there’s a world of weird to be found in the dead of Canton. Mummified bodies that always come in groups of three, which means their guy is going to be on the prowl for his next target. Then Dean performs some kind of hoodoo on his laptop, and they’re looking at live feeds from local security cameras. He claims that Frank Devereaux taught him the trick, but Sam’s pretty sure he used some of his mojo to smooth the way, because that was damn fast.
The guy they’re looking for pops up in the feed, and he looks exactly like a guy in one of the crime-scene photos from yesteryear. One of the witnesses from back then is still alive, and she leads them to the house of ‘Mr Snider’, the Timberlake wannabe. So they set off after him, and that’s when everything goes to shit.
--
Dean could easily poof out of the alleyway, but if there’s the slightest chance these cops know of any more cases this freak has created, he needs to take this chance to get inside the station. He felt time sift through his wings of course; he knows they’re not in the present anymore. Up close, the guy smelled like sour prayers and decay, meaning he’s definitely a pagan god; Dean just has to work out which one, and drag him home for Cas.
So he lets himself get taken, and he’s interrogated by regular mooks for a while, who end up revealing he’s in 1944, goddamn it, before his case is taken over by Eliot fucking Ness.
Things this awesome just don’t happen to Dean. Of course, he doesn’t have a clue what Dean’s talking about when he starts gushing about The Untouchables like a moron, but c’mon. It’s Eliot Ness, it’s not the kind of opportunity comes along often, for normal people. This is way worse than meeting Dr Sexy in fake TV land. This is real. No wonder Dean's tongue-tied.
Ness has his own Bobby, who is a grumpy tailor. She hooks Dean up with his own authentic forties threads. Forget the Wild West; this is definitely his favourite trip through time.
Eliot whistles at the sight of him, and Dean grins. Is that what he thinks it is? Yup, it definitely is. He’s getting checked out by Eliot Ness. How did this get to be his life?
In the end, the case isn’t that difficult to solve. Knowing its a god with red light leads them to Chronos, the god of time. Dean plays along with needing to ride Chronos’ power home- letting Eliot know about his ability to just fly there himself is a no-brainer. You don’t reveal that kind of thing to a trigger happy hunter unless you absolutely have to, and Dean doesn’t want to shatter this little fantasy just yet.
Not having to wait on research means he gets to spend a tiny bit of quality time with Eliot, which quickly devolves into quality make out time. Damn, but that man can kiss.
They eventually track the god down, and quite a few Back to the Future references later, Dean realises he can leave a note for Sammy, just to make sure the Sasquatch isn’t fretting too much. Because Dean's an awesome big brother like that.
--
Jody volunteers to help, and ends up bringing Bobby’s stuff out of storage. They find a symbol on a picture of the monster’s ring which leads them to Chronos, the god of time. Eventually, Jody packs him off to bed, and Sam discovers his name carved in the skirting board. He takes the note he finds after he pries up the wood down to Jody, and she reads it out loud;
“‘Sammy, turns out Snider is Chronos,’ Wait is this from Dean? How-”
“Just read!” Sam says, and she complies.
“‘I rode him to 1944. Am working with Eliot Ness- yes, that one. And damn, that man knows how to kiss.’” Jody stops in surprise, glancing up to see Sam’s reaction. He rolls his eyes in long-suffering silence. Trust Dean to hook up with one of his childhood heroes during an unexpected trip to the past.
“‘We’re going after Chronos. He’s banging some chick named Lila Taylor, and we’ve got a weapon, but I’m not actually gonna use it. I’ll mojo myself home once I straighten out things here. Dean.’”
Really, there’s not much he can add to that. Jody’s curious about Dean’s ‘mojo’, but Sam claims, entirely truthfully, that Dean can explain it far better than he can. The gist of it is that Dean’s safe, and that’s the main thing. They settle down for some sleep. A few hours later, the house begins to rattle. Sam charges downstairs, meeting Jody on the landing, both of them rushing into the living room to witness a sudden flash of light, but not red, bright white, just like-
“Dean!” Sam shouts, because yeah, that’s definitely his brother crouched on the floor, angel blade in one hand, the other palm flat against the dusty floorboards. Dean straightens up, to reveal he’s wearing a silver breastplate of armour across his chest and are those leather pants?! With a flick of his wrist, Dean twirls his angel blade in his hand, Cas’ patented move, and then it disappears out of sight, even though Dean doesn’t have any sleeves to tuck it into.
Sam only gets a minute to look, because the outfit disappears, replaced by an old-fashioned suit and tie, Dean’s hair suddenly slicked to one side.
“What the-” Jody begins, but she trails off, seeming uncertain as to whether or not this is actually Dean.
Obliviously, Dean grins and caws; “Check it out Sammy, Eliot got me these threads. Neat, huh?”
“Pretty neat,” Sam agrees, stepping closer, “But what were you wearing just now? I thought you just came from the 1940s?”
“Naw, I had to make a drop off to Heaven on the way back. That’s my armour, Sammy. What, you thought we went round in goon suits all the time?”
“Heaven?” Jody breaks in, looking between them, trying to suss out whether or not they’re being honest in front of her. Sam gives her a reluctant grin.
“Didn’t you tell her?” Dean asks, finally coming over to join them by the table. Sam shrugs.
“I wasn’t sure you’d want me to.”
Dean’s gaze softens at that, and Jody cuts in again, clearly impatient to know what the hell is happening. “Sam said you had... abilities. That you would be able to make it home on your own.”
“Perks of being an archangel.”
Jody’s face is a picture, and she plonks back down into her empty seat. Sam is quick to join her, but Dean says standing, scrutinising her reaction. Finally, after swallowing several times, she says, “Right. So, you had to report in to Heaven about Chronos?”
Dean snorts, “Not exactly. I fed him to Cas.”
“You fed him- You know what, I dunno why I’m even surprised.” Sam says, as Jody attempts to absorb this new information.
“Who’s Cas? And why would he want to eat the god of time?”
“Cas is God.” Dean says, and Sam really feels for the Sheriff then, because they’re piling it on a bit thick.
“God?” She repeats, speechless for a few minutes.
Dean takes the opportunity to lay a hand on Sam’s shoulder, giving him a quick energy boost. Sam sits up straighter; he can feel the bags under his eyes disappearing, as the weariness that went down to his bones just moments ago fades away like pencil sketches on faded parchment.
“Well,” Jody eventually says, “The question still stands. Why would God want to eat Chronos?”
“To absorb his energy, abilities... and worshipers. If anyone still prays to this dude, their adoration goes to Cas instead, and that keeps him powerful.”
Jody nods, as though that’s a sensible answer and not totally weird, outside anything Christianity would have taught her. Sam’s estimation of her raises even higher.
“So which is it?” She says, “Yahweh? Jehovah, Allah?”
“Well, none of the above... and all of them. All the gods you can think of existed at some point or another, but they’re not all still up and kicking. Cas is actually the successor of the guy you’re thinking of. He left the building a few millennia ago. Cas stepped up to the plate about half a year back, because the angels were going stir crazy up there without Him, trying to start the apocalypse.”
After a pause to absorb all that, she asks; “Is there a particular Church I need to go to? I don’t wanna get on the wrong side of a deity that literally eats other gods for breakfast.”
“Ain’t that the truth.” Dean chuckles, “You heard of the Church of Good Faith?”
“You’ve gotta be freaking kidding me! Those guys? Out of all the denominations in the world, they were the ones that got it right?”
Sam understands her reaction completely. The Good Faith lot are a bunch of peace-loving hippies, who promote freedom and love by painting rainbows on their stomachs and marching in Pride parades, whose Pastors all dye their hair black and wear beige-coloured trench coats at the pulpit. They treat Dean’s birthday like a national holiday, and pie is basically a sacred dish to them. It’d be hilarious if Sam didn’t know for a fact they read extracts from Chuck’s ‘Winchester Gospels’ in their Churches, and refer to Sam himself as ‘the Satanic Child’.
Jody shakes her head, with a fond, bemused smile; “One of my friends converted after her son came out, and her old church tried to ban him from attending. She can’t get over how liberal they are. She bakes pie all the time now. She was a terrible cook before, but apparently it’s a requirement for- holy crap... you’re Saint Dean, aren’t you? God’s ‘Chosen One’?”
“Guilty,” Dean grimaces, and Sam quickly steers the conversation back to more neutral ground.
“Anyway, you don’t have to be a Bible basher to get into Cas’ Heaven. It would probably help if you went to Good Faith and prayed every now and then, but really, he’s all about good people getting into Heaven, regardless of their faith.”
“Speaking of getting into Heaven, did you really hook up with Eliot Ness?” Sam says, because dude. Cheating on Cas? So not the way to a long and happy immortal existence. He taps Dean’s letter with conviction, waiting for Dean to deny it as a cheap joke. Really, that would be the best outcome for all involved. Sam will take Dean’s crappy sense of humour over a dead or eaten brother, because God’s favourite angel couldn’t keep it in his pants.
As per usual, Dean blows that right out of the water. “Damn right I did. How many chances am I gonna get for that, Sam? I mean, he wasn’t Kevin Costner... but he was the real deal.”
“Uh huh.” Sam glares at him, supremely unimpressed.
“What?” Dean says, like he doesn’t know. “You saying you wouldn’t if you got the chance, Sammy? ‘Cause I’m calling bullshit.”
“Whether I would or not is an entirely different situation, Dean. Because I’m not married.”
Jody has been sitting back with a charmed grin on her face, and now she sits up, alarmed. Dean only rolls his eyes in disdain for Sam’s very legitimate concern.
Sam keeps going, regardless, because damn it, Dean needs to learn to think these things through. “What do you think Cas is gonna do when he finds out-”
“He already knows, Sammy. I told you, I took a detour to Heaven on the way here. As you can see, I’m fine.”
“What, hold on just a damn minute.” Jody cuts in, “Cas as in God? You’re married to God?”
“Welcome to our lives,” Sam deadpans, but Jody’s still lost on the whole God thing.
“You’re married to God, the God who likes eating other gods, and you thought it was a good idea to cheat on him in the past?”
Finally, Sam thinks, someone who gets it. Dean glares at him, like Jody having a sensible head on her shoulders is somehow his fault.
“Cas and I don’t have a typical marriage, all right?”
Sam snorts, because, understatement. Dean gives him another bitchy look, but actually continues to volunteer more information, without being under pain of death. Will wonders never cease?
“We’re going to be together forever.” Dean says, somewhat defensively, “Do you have any idea how long forever is for an angel? For God? Cas is older than time itself. He gets it.”
And wow, somehow Sam had managed not to think about that. About the fact that Dean being immortal meant an immortal existence married to Cas. And knowing how that marriage started, yeah, he can’t exactly fault Dean, who has never been a fan of stagnant anything, for rebelling against it. Cas did promise to be more respectful and aware of Dean’s needs, and maybe this open relationship thing is part of that. Sam doesn’t really know anything about what they get up to in Heaven - and he’s totally and utterly fine with that - but Cas doesn’t have a great track record for understanding human emotion and motivations. Giving Dean leeway has always been the best way to guarantee his co-operation, so Sam can’t really disagree with Cas on that.
“Cas isn’t a fan of secrets. As long as I tell him all about it, he doesn’t really care. Besides... he knows that it’s only ever going to be him.” Dean says, avoiding their eyes.
That’s as far as Dean’s going to go, clearing his throat awkwardly and demanding that they turn in for the night, because its late and he’s safe and sound. Sam can’t find a good reason to argue, glad to get this case behind them.