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Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t fucking cry.
You could do this, it was just one stupid night, one stupid reunion and then you’d never have to see him again. You could go back to forgetting all about his existence and get back to your life.
Your life as a hopeless, desperate, single woman in her thirties who hadn’t been on a date for as long as she could remember. Back to table-for-one restaurant visits and girls nights out where you were the only single girl in the group.
Back to your empty apartment with no one waiting for you except your cat Noodles who didn’t really care when you dragged your ass home as long as she got fed.
You shouldn’t have come here tonight. You knew this reunion was a horrible idea, you hated these people back then and you hated them just as much now.
Well, not all of them.
Not James, you could never hate James. James Bucky Barnes had been the only one who made your college years somewhat bearable, not that he was ever aware of that fact.
You’d had a crush on him all through college and you never had the guts to tell him. He didn’t even know you existed.
And in some naive part of your brain you had believed tonight would be the night to finally change all that.
You’d heard the stories, you knew why people came to these reunions. It wasn’t to brag about their so called perfect lives or show how they had grown into fully functioning adults.
The real reason most of them were here was to make up for lost time, to get a second chance, do things they were too chicken shit to do when they were younger.
The problem was you were still the same shy insecure bundle of nerves you were back then. You were too scared to tell him then and you were still too scared.
Nothing had changed. You were still the girl standing on the sidelines, watching as others got what you wanted.
It wasn’t you he was looking at, or talking to, or wrapped his arm around. You had never been that girl and the longer this night went on the more you realized you never would be that girl either.
Tears started falling down your cheeks and this time you gave into them, sobbing quietly alone in the ladies room. Another thing that hadn’t really changed since college.
You jumped when the door suddenly opened and to your shock it wasn’t another woman who wanted to come in but a man. He quickly stepped back when he realized his mistake.
‘Oh god, I’m so sorry, wrong room!’
He was gone before you had the time to take a good look at him. You wiped away your tears and looked at yourself in the mirror. Maybe you should just stop being so dramatic.
It’s been 15 fucking years, you’d been fine without him all this time, you had no reason to get this upset about it now. It was all in the past.
So what if he grew up to look even more devastatingly handsome, and so what if he gave every other woman in the room a smile except you. You should have been used to that by now, it was nothing new.
The knock on the door startled you and when it carefully opened you saw a man pop his head inside.
‘I’m sorry. I know this is the ladies room, but are you okay?’
‘I’m fine,’ you turned away from him to quickly wipe away your tears.
‘Can I…come in?’ he asked.
You looked at him in surprise but nodded your head.
You hadn’t noticed him out there earlier tonight. He was gorgeous, broad shoulders, a perfect beard and pushed back hair accompanied by piercing blue eyes and a kind smile. You would have definitely noticed this guy.
‘I couldn’t help but see you were crying before, is everything okay? Can I do something? Call someone?’
‘No, there’s no one to call,’ you answered and while you spoke those words the truth of them suddenly hit you and you started crying again.
‘There’s no one,’ you sobbed and turned your back to him, embarrassed by your tears again.
‘I’m sorry, I’ll be fine, you can go,’ you cried and hid your face into your hands. You expected him to bail and be left alone but he didn’t.
His hand was warm and comforting on your lower back.
‘Hey, it’s okay,’ his voice was warm and compassionate and he gave you a little reassuring smile,’ It’s going to be okay.’
‘Do I know you?’ you asked through your tears.
He looked into your eyes,’ I’m Steve, and I hate reunions too.’
You smiled through your tears and told him your name.
‘I don’t hate reunions,’ you then added,’ it’s just…I hate that even after all these years I still can’t make him notice me.’
Steve nodded his head,’ Ahh, there’s a him. Of course there’s a him.’
‘Sorry,’ you wiped away your tears and noticed he was still gently stroking your back. You also noticed you liked the feel of his hand on you and didn’t want him to stop.
‘Well, whoever he is he’s clearly an idiot,’ Steve continued,’ and probably not worth any of the tears you shed for him.’
‘Probably not,’ you sighed.
He gave you a few more minutes to calm down and when your tears had stopped falling he spoke again,’ Do you want to go back out there?’
‘I’m not sure,’ you admitted.
His hand finally left your back and you had to suppress a little sigh of disappointment at the loss of contact. You weren’t sure if he noticed.
‘I could keep you company,’ he suggested,’ unless I’m being way too forward here, you can tell me to fuck off.’
You laughed but shook your head,’ No, don’t. Don’t fuck off.’
His smile was warm and so affectionate you actually felt butterflies in your stomach.
What was happening? Who was this gorgeous sweet man and where did he come from?
‘We could make him jealous,’ he suddenly said.
You raised your eye brows at him.
‘Isn’t that what people do at reunions? Bring a fake date to make that old crush jealous so they finally realize they were in love with you all along?’ his smile turned into a little smirk,’ I can be your fake date.’
‘That stuff never works.’
‘It always works in movies,’ he objected.
‘No, in movies they always end up falling in love with their fake date.’
‘Well, that sounds like a win-win if you ask me,’ he smiled and slowly licked his lips before meeting your eyes in a more serious look.
The butterflies in your stomach were making their way down your belly to settle themselves right there between your legs. You couldn’t even remember when a man last had such a strong effect on you.
This man was too good to be true and he basically just offered you a couple of hours of fake dating combined with very real touching. How on earth could you say no to that?
And if you managed to catch Bucky’s attention in the process then all the better.
Steve was right, this was a win-win.
‘What do you suggest?’ you asked.
‘I suggest you take my hand and we walk out of this ladies room together and back to that party, and we find a spot close to…what’s his name?’
‘James, or Bucky.’
He leaned his face a little closer to yours and lowered his voice,’ We find a spot close to where Bucky is standing and then you let me kiss you and we’ll show him what he’s missing out on.’
He stared into your eyes and all you could do was swallow hard.
This could not really be happening, stuff like this didn’t happen to you, ever. Gorgeous men just didn’t come up to you and offer themselves on a silver platter.
Yet here he was, very gorgeous and very real and judging by the smile on his face very eager to have you take him up on his offer.
‘Would that be okay?’ he asked softly.
***
Steve’s fingers laced with yours as you stepped out of the bathroom. He had taken you out of your little hiding place and back into the loud and crowded party but somehow with him by your side it felt a lot less intimidating than before.
It didn’t take you long to find James in the crowd and Steve picked out the table right next to his. Just like all those years ago Bucky was on the popular table, and just like then he seemed to have everyone hanging on his lips.
Steve noticed you were looking at James and he moved a little closer to you, putting his hand back on that spot on your lower back to draw your attention.
‘Is that him?’ he spoke softly.
You nodded your head and looked down, turning your body towards Steve now and away from Bucky.
‘He’s a looker.’
You laughed and looked up into his eyes,’ Yes, he is.’
Steve leaned a little closer and softly put a few locks of hair behind your ear while he stared back at you.
He was so beautiful it took your breath away. How was it possible you had never seen this man before?
His fingers caressed your cheek and he smiled when he noticed you leaning into his touch.
‘So, nothing ever happened between you and him?’ he asked.
‘No,’ you answered softly and sighed,’ he doesn’t even know I exist.’
‘He must be blind,’ Steve’s voice was a whisper and his thumb had trailed off to your lips, gently brushing the bottom one,’ Any man that doesn’t see you must be out of his damn mind.’
You blushed and he pulled back a little.
‘I’m sorry, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable,’ he apologized.
‘No, you’re not, I’m just…not used to hearing things like that,’ you carefully put your hand on his stomach,’ but I like it. I like it a lot.’
You watched him relax again and he leaned closer until his face was nuzzled against your cheek.
‘He’s watching us,’ he then whispered into your ear.
Before you could respond his lips were on your neck and your eyes closed in a heavy sigh. Your fingers tightened into his shirt pulling him close and letting him know this is exactly where you wanted him.
His kissed were soft but hungry, sucking and licking the skin of your neck down to your collarbone and then back up. The burn of his beard only made it better.
When he was done with your neck he moved to your mouth. His kisses were shameless, he didn’t wait for permission, his tongue found yours as soon as your lips touched.
The kiss was deep and desperate and it was everything you’d wanted from him since the moment you saw him in the ladies room.
He breathed your name in between kissing you, pulling you even closer into his arms and biting your bottom lip until you moaned softly.
By the time he let you come up for air you were clinging to his chest and wobbly on your feet.
‘I’m sorry,’ he breathed,’ I got carried away there.’
You were too busy catching your breath to speak.
‘But we got his attention,’ he then smiled and put another quick soft kiss on your lips.
For a moment you had no idea who he was even talking about but then you remembered there was a reason Steve was kissing you.
And that reason was suddenly staring at you from behind his crowded table, no longer listening to the people around him but focussed solely on you.
Steve still had his arms wrapped around you and you whimpered when he suddenly let go.
‘This is my cue to get us some drinks and leave you alone for a bit, so he can come over and make his move,’ Steve whispered and winked and then he was gone before you could even protest.
You wanted to yell at him, stop him and keep him close to you but your reaction was too slow and you could only watch him walk away.
You stood baffled for a few minutes. Then you turned around to look at the popular table and your heart stopped in your chest.
James had left his spot and was walking right up to you. You couldn’t believe it even though you were seeing it with your own eyes. You were sure he would just walk straight past you to the bar or something but he didn’t, this was actually happening.
He stopped at your table and gave you one of his warm, charming smiles. He was even more stunning up close and you lost all ability to speak.
‘Do we know each other?’ he then asked.
He stepped closer to you, letting his eyes roam over your entire body to linger on your lips and then your eyes.
God those blue eyes staring back at you were heavenly, you could drown in there and never need air again.
‘I’ve been looking at you all night and I swear you look familiar,’ he continued,’ but I can’t seem to place you.’
‘We had a few classes together,’ you managed to find your voice.
‘That must be it,’ he was still staring at you and as if that wasn’t enough to make you blush he was also licking his lips now, giving you his best flirty look.
James Bucky Barnes was flirting with you.
You weren’t sure what universe you were in but it couldn’t be this one.
He leaned closer to you and reached for your hand across the table, taking it into his and using it to pull you closer to him.
‘It feels a little crowded in here, don’t you think?’ his voice was suddenly so low it made you shiver.
‘Um…’
‘Why don’t we find a more quiet spot away from all these prying eyes?’ he then suggested.
You felt numb, only able to nod your head and let him guide you out of the room.
For once all the eyes were on you. For once you were the object of envy and jealousy, hanging onto Bucky’s hand, letting this gorgeous man parade you in front of the entire crowd. You had never felt this powerful in your life.
He looked across his shoulder and smiled at you, taking you into the hallway with him until you were alone.
You leaned against the wall while Bucky moved closer to you, an eager grin on his face.
‘I can’t believe I’ve never noticed you before tonight,’ he spoke softly,’ How silly of me.’
He put his hands on your waist and stared into your eyes, waiting, giving you the option to bail before he moved forward.
Then he leaned in with his entire body, pressing himself against you, his body soft yet firm at the same time. His hands were caressing your waist while he let his lips gently brush against yours.
You had trouble breathing and your put your arms around his neck to hold him close, and keep yourself standing.
‘James,’ you whispered.
‘You can tell me to stop at any time,’ he whispered before putting his lips on yours in a kiss so soft it made you shiver.
It was like time stopped right then and there.
You had dreamt of this moment for as long as you could remember, imagined it many times and in many different scenarios.
His kiss would finally lift you out of your sad lonely bubble, his lips on yours would feel like fireworks, the soft brush of his tongue against yours would set every inch of your skin on fire and make you want him even more than you already did.
Except none of that was happening.
Bucky was a good kisser, there was no doubt about that and you did shiver when he deepened the kiss and pushed you up against the wall.
His touch felt nice and definitely a little intoxicating, you could have kept kissing him but there was no magic, no fireworks.
After all these years of pining and wanting, Bucky didn’t steal your breath away. Not the way Steve did.
Steve.
‘Wait,’ you pushed Bucky back.
Bucky stopped immediately just like he promised you but the look on his face was one of genuine surprise.
‘I thought you wanted this?’ he asked confused.
‘I thought I wanted this too,’ you sighed, equally confused as he was.
You both took a step away from each other.
‘I’m sorry,’ you continued,’ I used to have the biggest crush on you and I thought…I’m sorry, this isn’t what I want.’
He just shook his head in a smile and lifted his hands while he started walking away from you.
‘Your choice, doll, the offer stands until the end of the night, should you change your mind.’
He winked at you and disappeared behind the corner, leaving you with a baffled smile on your face.
What the hell just happened?!
***
You went back to the party only to find that Steve must have already left, he wasn’t at the bar or on the dance floor or anywhere near the tables and panic gripped your heart.
You knew nothing about him except that his name was Steve, you didn’t even know if he ever actually went to your school or if he was just a guest here tonight. How on earth would you ever find him again?
This was just typical, you finally met a man you were genuinely interested in and then you lost him on the same night.
You rushed out of the the building, hoping against your better judgment that he might still be around somewhere.
You found him halfway through the parking lot.
‘Steve, wait!’
He turned around, clearly surprised to see you there. He had his hands in his pockets and a confused smile on his face,’ What are you doing here?’
‘Why are you leaving?’ you asked.
‘I saw you in the hallway with Bucky and assumed our plan worked.’
‘It did,’ you explained,’ but…it wasn’t…how I thought it would be.’
‘Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you or anything, did he?’
‘No, he was very sweet, I just…’
You stepped closer to him and looked into his soft blue eyes.
Your heart skipped a beat, just like you hoped it would.
‘Steve, do I know you?’ you asked,’ Should I know you?’
He looked down and smiled. ’You never asked for my full name,’ he then said,’ It’s Rogers, Steve Rogers.’
He watched your face and smiled a little defeated when there was no sign of recognition to be found there.
‘You don’t remember me, do you?’ he sighed.
You were studying his face now but you still couldn’t place him,’ I’m sure I would have remembered you.’
‘I looked a little different back then.’
He gave you some more time to think but you were only shaking your head.
‘Take away the beard,’ he then spoke softly,’ and the muscles, all of them. Take away the tan and the perfect teeth, and think skinny, really skinny.’
He shook his head when you stayed quiet.
‘It’s okay, we never really knew each other,’ he sighed,’ well, I knew you, I sat behind you in almost every class, I smiled at you every time we passed each other in the hallway, looked at you from a distance at every party too chicken shit to make a move.’
‘Steve,’ you sighed.
‘You’re my Bucky,’ he then joked but his smile faded,’ I was always invisible to you but you made my college years worth while, seeing you often got me through my day. So thank you for that.’
You were listening to his words but they were not sinking in, you were still trying to remember him, trying to see beyond this gorgeous beefy man in front of you and see the boy underneath.
‘Don’t torture yourself over it, it’s fine,’ he reassured you and he leaned in closer and put a soft kiss on your cheek before turning around and walking away again.
‘Wait!’ you begged him.
He turned around to face you but he kept walking in the opposite direction and shaking his head,’ Tell me one thing, the simplest smallest thing that convinces me you remember me, that you saw me. And I’ll stay.’
You sighed defeated and shook your head.
‘I see you now,’ you yelled after him but he just shook his head in a smile.
‘Doesn’t count, I want someone who’s interested for me, not the package.’
‘I’m interested in you and your package!’ you yelled.
He burst out laughing and stopped walking for a few seconds but then he turned serious again,’ You wouldn’t have looked twice at me back then.’
‘You’re wrong!’
This time he did stop and allowed you the time to step closer to him.
‘You’re wrong,’ you repeated,’ I do remember you.’
‘Oh, do you now?’ the smug look on his face made it clear he didn’t believe a word you were saying.
You stepped closer to look into his eyes.
‘You’re Righteous Rogers.’
With those two words you wiped the smug look off his face.
‘I know you looked familiar but I couldn’t place you until just now,’ you explained,’ I do know you, you walked me home once.’
His eyes had turned soft and he looked at you in both shock and surprise.
‘Not home but back to my dorm,’ you explained,’ I’ve had too much to drink at this sorority thing and I literally ran into you in the hallway and almost knocked you out.’
He smiled at the memory.
‘But you didn’t get angry,’ you continued,’ you were worried I would run into other guys and do the same and they would take advantage, so you walked me home, kept me safe. You used to help other girls, and guys, around campus too when they were being bullied or harassed. It’s like you couldn’t stand to see someone being treated unjust, some of the guys in our class started calling you…’
‘Righteous Rogers,’ he finished your sentence and smiled shyly,’ It’s been years since I’ve even thought about that nickname. And I always thought you were too drunk to remember that night.’
‘I did remember, you were so sweet to me, how could I forget that? But you never said a word to me again after that night.’
‘I was afraid to,’ he confessed,’ I didn’t think you’d be interested, I wasn’t exactly the kind of guy girls noticed.’
‘But I would have noticed you, if you had spoken to me the day after, if you had asked me out…I would have said yes, Steve.’
He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds.
‘I know there’s no way for me to prove that to you now, and you believe I’m just telling you what you want to hear but that’s the truth. I would have given you a chance.’
He stayed quiet and you nodded your head in defeat,’ It’s too late now, I understand. I still want to thank you for tonight, and for that night back then. You saved me twice now.’
You smiled but he still was’t responding,’ Have a good life, Steve.’
You turned around but his hand reached for yours and pulled you back.
‘Wait, don’t go,’ he laced his fingers with yours and looked into your eyes, his expression soft and serious,’ Don’t go.’
And there it was, butterflies, an army full of them and he hadn’t even kissed you yet.
He leaned forward and softly pressed his lips to yours. His kiss was so gentle and loving it took your breath away all over again.
His arm snaked around your waist while his other hand grabbed your neck to hold you in place while he deepened the kiss. His mouth just as hungry as before.
Your arms wrapped around him in a tight embrace while you kissed him back and giggled.
‘What?’ he asked.
‘Fireworks,’ you sighed happily, putting a satisfied grin on his face.
He leaned his forehead against yours and bit his lip,’ I don’t care about before, or what you remember, I want to get to know you now. What do you say?’
You didn’t give him an answer, instead you just kissed him again. When you felt him smile into the kiss you melted completely.
’Yes,’ you whispered.
You had accused Bucky of being blind but it was you who had been unable to see what was right in front of you. It had taken you years to find Steve and now that you had you were never letting him leave your arms again.
Oh and Bucky? Who the hell was Bucky anyway?