Work Text:
All I ask is
If this is my last night with you
Hold me like I’m more than just a friend
Give me a memory I can use
Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do
It matters how this ends
’Cause what if I never love again?
Lucretia silently opens the door to Magnus’ room. She is shaking a little but she has to see him one last time. He is mid work out and doesn’t notice her coming in until she shuts and locks the door behind her, the click drawing his attention.
“Lu-“ She quickly covers his mouth with her hand. No words. If she talks she will break and tell him everything she has planned. And if he knows, he will stop her. She can’t let that happen. He is looking at her with big eyes, clearly unsure what is going on. She slowly lowers her hand and leans in to replace it with her lips, molding her mouth against his as he pulls her into his lap.
His fingers tangle into her hair, nails scraping against her scalp as she settles against him. Her knees rest on either side of him as he pushes against her, already hard enough to set her tingling at the simple contact between them. She moans into his mouth, pressing back and rubbing against him just a little.
Her hands move from where she is cupping his face to run down his chest. Finding the hem of his shirt, she grips it and lifts it, breaking the kiss only long enough to get it over his head before she is back on him, hands on his chest, pushing him back and going with him as he lays down.
He holds her close as they kiss, one hand finding a resting spot on her back, thumb running along the base of her spine. He is panting as he pulls back to look at her. He opens his mouth to speak again but she puts her finger against his lips and just shakes her head.
He frowns a little and looks into her eyes. Something is wrong. He swallows hard, feeling his chest squeeze as he sees the tears she is holding back. He leans up to kiss her temple, pulling her closer. If she didn’t want to talk, he wouldn’t make her. He would just be here for her.
He knew how hard the last few months had been on her. She barely came out of her room anymore. She had taken Lup’s disappearance nearly as hard as Barry and Taako. If she needed a quiet night of unwinding, he could give her that.
Adjusting his hold on her, he picked her up in his arms and stood, careful of the objects around them. He gave her a soft smile before dropping her on the bed and moving over her. The smile she gave him in return was fleeting but happy.
He kissed along her jaw, teeth gently grazing against her ear when he reached it. His hand undid the ties of her dress so he could push it off her shoulders, as his lips worked their way down her neck. He felt the soft flutter of her sigh as she relaxed under his kisses, melting back into his bed.
His hand pauses momentarily over her chest, feeling her heart beating beneath her breast; a reassurance that he usually only needed after the cycles she had died in. But right now, that faint thump against his hand settles him into believing that he is giving her what she needs.
He wants to speak. He isn’t good at being silent. Usually this time between them is spent with giggles and laughter. Murmured words of love, and playful teasing. They were not quiet lovers. Even during the harder cycles, this was their time to really connect and be happy.
He tries to speak again; to tell her how much he loves her.
But she is staring at him like she is about to break and that breaks his heart. So he closes his mouth and just leans in to capture her lips in a kiss he hopes can convey his feelings as strongly as he feels them.
And she kisses him back, returning his love in that simple action.
They take their time, Lucretia committing every touch and look and feeling to memory. She knows Magnus isn’t doing the same. He has always been in the moment.
And even if he had, tomorrow she would take it all from him.
And when they are done and they are laying together, she turns to watch him fall asleep. Only when she hears his soft snores does she finally break. Her hands fly to her mouth as she sobs, her whole body shaking until she cannot cry anymore.
She is exhausted. But there is one more thing she has to write before she can put her plan in motion. She leans in and gently kisses his head, words lost to her as she pulls back to look at her lover.
She wants to tell him how much she loves him. How hard this is. How much she hates the very idea of being away from him. But she has to do this. For Lup. For Taako and Barry and Merle and Davenport. For Magnus. What they had done was destroying them. The missing member of their crew was tearing Barry and Taako apart.
She would find the relics, find Lup. And then she would bring her family back together. Everything would be okay then.
She got dressed and looks at Magnus one more time before silently slipping out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Each step away from him breaks her heart into even smaller pieces; until she is certain that she will never be able to put it back together.
But it is a hundred times worse as she sits down at her desk and writes their last night down by the light Fisher gives off. She can feel the gaze of the voidfish on her, as though it knows what she is doing.
At least she got to say goodbye to Magnus. And the next time they saw each other, he wouldn’t remember her, hopefully making it easier to let him go.
At the very bottom of her journal she pauses before she writes one more thing.
‘I love you, Magnus.’