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It was cold—so cold under the December sky which is so familiar yet so different from the one they have in Tokyo. Taka had been staring at the dark, starless expanse of night sky, puffs of air escape his lips as he wonder what on earth is he doing in this foreign place.
Behind him is a majestic white church that seemingly shines amidst the dark surrounding. It stood on a high podium—which is a huge pain the ass since he needed to take the steps leading to it.
My legs are hurting and it’s already freezing here!
God.
Maybe these are the signs of aging?!
Anyways, even if climbing the stone stairs is a bitch, Takahiro still feels great because he can now see the motherfucking huge white church. It somehow looks like a Greek temple but it has several green domes which is weird and WHY AM I EVEN ANALYZING THE ARCHITECTURE OF THE DAMN CHURCH WHEN I’M NOT EVEN AN EXPERT AT IT?!
He’s not even religious! Nor a Christian, dammit!
Taka sighed and slowly turned around, his vision greeted by the vast Senate Square just a few meters away. The buildings themselves were illuminated by blue and golden lights making Taka realized that it’s almost Christmas again. Even if the European Toru had just started, somehow, he still feels homesick for a reason—not for his family per se—but for something he couldn’t name.
He longs for the midnight practices, the careless laughters, the sessions of cackling and youthful escapades. He longs for the ramen house they usually ate, the first studio where they’ve recorded their debut single, his first unit, Toru’s dorm unit…
He knows that it’s unreasonable—immature and selfish at most—but he longs for the past, for the things he’d enjoyed back when he’s younger. He knows that it’s not right, but sometimes, whenever he’s far away from home, he thinks back to the days when they can only desperately dream of stepping and performing on an overseas venue.
He longs for the past—the people and the places—some were gone with time but still managed to carve a place in his heart.
He knows that it’s useless but…
Taka’s eyes roamed over the sea of lights, the various stalls offering regional specialties before finally focusing on the grand centerpiece of the Plaza—a magnificent , tall, and legit (because it’s not artificially made like that in malls, duh) Christmas Tree. It’s been studded with golden lights, topped by a star-shaped light.
Taka had taken a picture of the Church beside the tree and he can’t help himself from muttering curses of adoration because this tree is so huge!
“Ah!” Tomoya screamed when Taka stood just beside the giant-ass tree, “Taka-chan, you look so small beside it~!”
Taka was about to holler his shoes to the drummer and ran after him just to give him a proper beating for commenting about his height but he decided against it because he still have a shit-ton of steps to take.
I’d better save my energy or Toru would have to drag my pathetic ass again just to reach the top.
A small, faint reminiscent smile made its way to Taka’s quivering lips as he remembered the times—countless times, actually—that their mighty leader, who was still a student back then, had to carry his drunken-self to his unit. The fact that it was located in the second floor doesn’t really help at all. Toru had threatened to fling his unconscious body from the second floor numerous times but in the end, Taka would still wake up all bundled and tucked under his blankets.
Ah, Toru…why are you so damn sweet?!
Speaking of the leader, he’s turning 29 just a few days—two to be exact—from now and Taka still don’t know what to give to the stoic guitarist.
I mean, I already gave him everything I have—what more can he ask for?!
Taka just hopes that the guitarist won’t ask for a night filled with passionate lovemaking because just as much as he loves getting roughly fucked against the mattress, they still have a series of lives in the few days. Dealing with a sore ass and a prickling pain in his lower back is something that Taka doesn’t want to do these days. Besides, Toru would definitely display his annoyingly-handsome and smug smirk when he saw Taka limping the next day, mou!
Just imagining that smirk makes me want to kick him!
Taka’s left leg unconsciously jerked sideways, accidentally kicking the guitarist—
“Ouch!” Toru yelped, his fingers almost letting go of the stick of cigarette he’s been smoking, “What the fuck?!”
—who’s been sitting on the stone stairs and calmly smoking as if it’s the most normal thing to do in the world. I mean, here we are in a foreign place with a great sight to behold and he decided that he’ll smoke in front of it?!
What the fuck, Toru. Seriously?!
The guitarist looked up at him, an irritated frown plastered on his handsome face, “Why did you kicked me?!”
Taka moodily huffed as he put his freezing hands into the pockets of the overly-sized hoodie he’s been wearing. It actually belongs to Toru hence why the edge of the sleeves almost cover to the tips of his fingers but the guitarist doesn’t need to know that he had stolen it from his suitcase again.
“Because I fucking want to,” he scowled before roughly sitting his ass on the cold stone—ignoring the look of utter disbelief on the leader’s face—and stared at the giant Christmas tree ahead. When he didn’t spoke for the next seconds, Toru probably deducted that he’s in his rare, somber, thoughtful mood again so he just sighed in exasperation as he also look at the vast expanse of lights below them.
A lengthy yet comfortable silence fell between them. Taka sighed as he watched Tomoya and Ryota running around in circles—much like sugar-high, hyperactive kids—around the Christmas tree.
Those two were already married and have kids yet they still act like kids themselves!
Not like their leader who suddenly grew up to be a cold, silent person in the outside since Alex left the band. It was disturbing at first, but it was necessary as the band needs a responsible and stern leader to discipline and direct the rowdy members towards their dreams.
Suddenly, Toru grew matured—leaving Taka blindly searching for the Toru-san he first loved years and years ago.
Change was such a bitch but what can he do?
Everything and everyone changed—they’ve lost a precious member, a friend, a family but they also gain a lot of new acquaintances, made new friends and established strong connections with different people from different places.
Takahiro, himself, even changed from the shy, always-looking-down-to-the-floor kid to the overly-energetic-who-runs-around-the-stage man he is right now.
“Hey Taka,” the familiar deep baritone filled his ears when Toru spoke after a moment. Taka lazily turned his head towards the direction of the guitarist, noting how he looks good in all black.
“Hmmm?”
“Did you know that same-sex marriage has been legal here since last March?”
…
…
Taka stared at the man, then at the looming white church behind them, then back to the guitarist’s smiling face, “Uhhh…?”
“What’s with that reaction, dammit!”
Eh?!
“How do you want me to react!?” he retorted, completely clueless on the man’s train of thought. Why is Toru suddenly spouting trivia’s like some typical tourist guide?!
“You should go ‘whoaaaaaaaah’!” Toru said in his usual impassive face, “Tsk. I even researched about that and all you have to say is ‘uh-huh’? How lame is that?”
“Uhm,” Taka nervously gulped, “whooooooah, Toru-san! That’s a very, uhm, nice trivia you got there—ack! That hurts, you idiot!” he screeched when the guitarist roughly shoved him sideways, “You ungrateful bastard!”
“And now, I’m the ungrateful one!?”
“Well yeah because I reacted the way you want me too and what did I get?!” Taka let out a dramatic gasp, “A fucking shove! Great! Just great!”
“That’s what you get for kicking me earlier!”
“I—!” Taka opened his mouth to say something but his brain cells decided to freeze and malfunction at the moment so he just sighed in exasperation. He pulled his legs closer and cradled his chin with his red-tipped fingers, “You’re really an asshole, you know that?”
“Yeah,” Toru nodded, subtly inching closer to Taka’s still frame, “You’ve said that loud and clear since the beginning, Takahiro.”
Taka didn’t spoke but the scowl on his face gradually softens, especially when he felt Toru’s hand lingering on his sides—caressing lovingly, soothingly, and apologetically—as he gently pulled him closer. He doesn’t need to verbally say sorry for Taka to forgive him because through the years that they’ve been together, they’ve somehow realized that words were hollow, that they don’t need sugar-coated words to show their affection.
Words were not spoken but Taka can feel the love in the air, as cheesy as it sounds. Toru didn’t declare his undying love for the vocalist but his love is definitely in the air and Taka would be more than glad to inhale it all.
“I still don’t get why you suddenly brought that same-sex marriage thingy up,” Taka mumbled as he leaned on the guitarist’s shoulder, watching the passing vehicles below them, “I mean, we’re not citizens of this country remember?”
“You think it will be legalized in Japan sooner?”
“Well,” Taka scrunched up his nose at that. The Japanese are really, really traditional about that matter so maybe not—but one can dream, right? “I don’t have a fucking idea. What,” he smirked suggestively and looked up at the guitarist, “You want to get marry already, huh, Toru-san?”
Taka is expecting that Toru would deny it and smirked playfully at him because they’re in the peak of their career at the moment. Any news and rumors about them dating each other would definitely be a huge blow to their image—even if the world is somehow more open-minded at that matter in the present. Toru acts and thinks like the leader he is—and Taka knows that the well-being of the band always, always comes first—and he’s totally fine with that.
So, imagine his surprise when Toru looked down at him with the most sincere look on his face that Taka had to gulp in nervousness.
I mean, who wouldn’t be?!
When this good-looking man suddenly stares like he’s observing bacteria under a fucking microscope?!
And no, he’s not using the bacteria-analogy because they’re both micro-shits and something. No, not close at all.
“Don’t you want to, Taka?” was the guitarist’s question spoken with a voice so low and deep that Taka almost melt like a goo.
…
“Uhmmm…” he drawled, averting his gaze away from the intense and totally pressuring stare of the band leader, “Well, yeah but, now? Really?” he asked, and even repeated it like a dumb parrot because his brain just exploded at the question fired at him, “Like, right now?”
Toru stared at him with those heavily-lidded eyes for a moment before cracking up in laughter, “Silly, Taka! Ahahahahahaha!”
WHAT.
“W-what the fuck?!” he asked, his cheeks burning bright crimson in embarrassment for his stupid questions, “What’s funny you fucking—,”
“I don’t mean right now, you idiot,” Toru said, making Taka scowl like someone had killed his puppy, “Do you see any marriage officer here? Are we even in Japan? Is that even legal in Japan?”
“THEN DON’T FUCKING ASK STUPID QUESTIONS YOU DUMB GACHAPIN!” he screeched.
“Maa, maa,” Toru practically hugged him so naturally, Taka had to play it rough—he struggled like someone’s about to rape him in front of this majestic church—but Toru had years and years of experience in man-handling the vocalist’s petite form so he did exactly that like a motherfucking PRO.
“Your expressions are really adorable,” Toru cooed, ruffling Taka’s hair to placate him. Taka’s blush deiced to intensify at the moment because that’s what you do when your life-long crush throws a compliment at your face, “How come that we’re almost the same age and you’re still looking young, huh?”
“Well, DUH,” Taka grumpily crossed his arms over his chest, “That’s because I have a lot of people to turn my attention when I’m stressed. How about you? Do you even have friends, Toru-san?” he smiled cheekily, earning a non-committal grunt from the guitarist.
“You and your fucking ‘friends’ goddammit,” he muttered.
“Speaking of age, you’re gonna turn 29 two days from now, huh?”
“Yeah, I’ll be the same age as you again.”
“Uh-huh.”
“But I’m still taller at you.”
“I’ll fucking stab you to death, Toru-san,” he threatened, even narrowing his eyes to make it more menacing and scary, “And it will fucking hurt.”
Instead of getting scared shitless, Toru just raised an inquisitive brow at that—completely amused how Taka still tries to huff and look angry while being all cute and huggable like a fucking Pokémon even after all these years.
“Soooo,” Toru drawled, straightening his legs before him, “What are you gonna give me for this year?”
“Dunno,” Taka shrugged, his mood suddenly went down as he realized that he still hasn’t thought of a proper gift, “How about a sauna filled with blonde girls?”
“How about a sauna, filled with a naked Takahiro?”
Taka let out a scandalized gasp as he whipped his head towards the guitarist—who’s smiling lewdly and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively at him.
“What the hell, Toru-san?!” he gasped in disbelief yet his lips is already smiling mischievously with the same thought, “How dare you say that in public, huh?! Aren’t you ashamed, you perverted ossan?!”
“I’m not that old!”
“Bet you can pass as my dad, huh?” Taka grinned, “You think we can get discounts from that?”
“Why bother when you’re already calling me dadd—,”
“STOP!” Taka screeched at the top of his voice when Toru started spouting perverted things out in the public. The passerby’s and some tourists were also starting to give them odd looks because they look like a couple who’s having a screaming lover’s quarrel in front of a fucking church, “What if someone heard you huh?!”
“They don’t understand us anyway,” Taka wanted to slap the living daylights out of his face when Toru merely shrugged, “So, chill Taka. Don’t scream. We don’t want to get arrested here, right?”
Then stop spouting those kind of things out here, dammit!
Taka groaned and looked up at the guitarist’s grinning face when his eyes caught the shining gold earrings of the guitarist. The earrings he had given Toru on his 18th birthday, almost eleven years ago. The earrings that signify their promises. The earrings that is exactly the same pair as he wears right now.
Taka felt his heart expanding at that. Just by remembering that drunken night, the moment that he had given that pair for Toru-san’s surprised birthday party makes him feel warm and giddy inside. It might be a long, long time ago but he can still feel Toru’s warm back as he carried Taka’s drunken ass to his unit.
The firm, warm and strong back of the leader—of Yamashita Toru—of his lover.
Once again, Taka wonders how they made this far. They’ve gone through lots of hormone-induced fights, made-out with each other, went to date other people and yet they still managed to come back to each other. They have spent hours of fighting, screaming at each other because of thousands of jealousies and short flings here and there and yet…
And yet…
Look where they are right now.
Taka was then assaulted with many different emotions at the moment—his happiness for their band’s success, his hopes and dreams for the years to come, his contentment that Ryota and Tomoya is already starting their own family despite being complete idiots, the fear for what the future holds, the excitement of performing in a new, unfamiliar stage, meeting people and fans screaming for them but amidst all the maelstrom of emotions swirling within his chest—Taka can feel love—a warm, sweet, and indescribable feeling of adoration and gratitude for Toru.
“I…” he started, his voice raw and rough from the emotions dancing across his eyes as unshed tears glazed over them, making them glimmering against the dark, moist lashes, “Toru-san, I—,”
“Hmmm?” the guitarist hummed, looked at him with those large eyes, ears trained to whatever Taka will say—his entire being and attention devoted to the vocalist that makes Taka’s chest hurt even more—in a beautiful kind of way. The golden set of earrings glimmered, reflecting the lights around them, and once again, Taka realized how deeply, how madly, how irrevocably in love he is with this—with this gachapin, perverted stalking piece of shit named Yamashita Toru.
His Toru-san.
His leader.
His perfect guitarist.
His support.
His pillar.
His sanctuary.
His lover.
His home.
“I…” he swallowed the painful lump forming on his throat as he smiled, widely—his eyes shimmering with tears of undying love and gratitude, “I love you very much, y-you know that, right? Right?”
Toru blinked down at him, probably wondering how Taka suddenly got teary-eyed in a span of 10 seconds and why did he suddenly proclaimed his love for the guitarist out of nowhere. Is Taka high on drugs? Wait, he’s not even taking those stuffs, right?
Maybe he sneaked some alcohol in their suitcase…?
Whatever.
Toru inwardly shrugged because there’s nothing more important than having Taka like this—in his arms, with a blushing and close-to-crying face as he tell the whole world how he loves him. I mean, this isn’t something that happened everyday so…
Toru smiled—childishly grinned as he felt his entire body warm up with those words—and ruffled the vocalist’s hair even more.
“Well that’s great,” he said, pulling the vocalist close just in case he decided to just start bawling because of his overwhelming love for the guitarist or something, “Coz I feel the same, ne?”
“Let’s go eat!” Tomoya decided when he got tired of prancing like a child who just have the best candy in the world, “Where’s Takahiro? Let’s eat! I’m starving!”
“Shhh, Tomo-kun!” Ryota rushed towards the oblivious drummer to hush him, “They’re having their moment!”
Tomoya glanced around and found the two other members sitting atop the stone staircase and leaning into each other as if they have the place all for themselves.
He.. He’s kinda glad that the two could find a moment where they can express their affection without getting scared of prying eyes and dire consequences.
He pouted, “Jaa, come with me then. I’m really hungry here!”
“Hai, hai,” Ryota nodded and lead the way away from the Christmas tree, “Let’s just not bother them or else, Mori-chan would definitely kick our ass.”
Tomoya paled at the thought of a beating from the sadistic vocalist as he followed the bassist towards the food stalls, but now without throwing a last glance at the contented couple.
He and Ryota found their happiness—it’s probably abut damn time that those dorks find theirs, ne?
Taka ended up having a delicious, hot, passion-filled night before their concert in Sweden. It didn’t show in his performance because he’s just that great but Toru—the ever-perverted Toru-san—definitely, shamelessly smiled—grinned—like the motherfucker he is for fucking the vocalist relentlessly last night.
And he even posted it, dammit!
Taka scowled and flung his phone on the bed, his hand instinctively massaging his lower back because of the dull pain in there.
I’ll fucking kill you, Toru-san! You wouldn’t see the end of your birth day because I’ll definitely kill you, asshole!