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Mako’s eyes were wide with disbelief. It made perfect sense, of course it did, but he just couldn’t bring himself to believe it.
“What was his name?” he asks, the words coming out bitter, even to his own ears.
“Howl,” Korra replies. Mako keeps his gaze locked on her, expectant, demanding more. There was no backing out from an explanation now that he knew.
“Look, he was my first boyfriend, my best friend, my only friend back in the South Pole! What does it matter anyway? I’m here and he’s half way across the world.”
“How long were you two together?” Mako asks accusingly.
“I—ugh. We weren’t—it was never official, okay? Things were…complicated. I knew him for 2 years and he was my best friend and we were together once, just once. That was it. End of story.”
“So your best friend was your first,” Mako says slowly, and Korra can almost hear the synapses in his mind processing what she just told him, “Why did it end?"
Korra hesitates. He’s asking all the right questions, but this isn’t territory she wants to tread with anyone quite yet, if at all. In the back of her mind she can see the Fire Nation boy’s cheeky grin and gold eyes smiling at her. She pushes the images away, reminding herself that she has a new life here, with new friends and a new family. Howl was someone from her past, part of a trapped life she had never wanted.
“Because I came here,” she answers.
Mako’s disbelief crosses his face.
Minutes pass in silence, but if feels as though they drag on for hours. Eventually, Korra can’t stand it anymore.
“Mako?”
“Did you love him?”
“I—No! Yes—I don’t know, he was my best friend, Mako, how could I not love him?”
“Were you in love with him?” Mako’s eyes are hard and Korra can see how much he’s fighting to keep a level head, as he always does. Cool, collected Mako—he would never let anyone see when he’s insecure or afraid.
“It wouldn’t make a difference either way! I’m here now and I just want to be with you.” With that, Korra presses her lips to his just as she had the first time, so many months ago, and just like that first time, Mako feels his resolve melt away from the heat of her breath on his. Their kissing grows desperate and hungry. Their anger and frustrations quickly slip away and evolve into rough passion, their arms and legs intertwining until finally they land on the bed, their skin hot, like flames licking against each other.
His hands grope roughly at her hair, her shoulders, her back. He moves wildly and unrestrained, so unlike his usual controlled demeanor. Korra feels his hands on her with a searing intensity as images flood through her mind. She tries to push them away, not wanting them there, knowing they will do more harm than anything else, but they refuse to leave her. As Mako’s callused hands grab at her, needy and feverish, she remembers the delicacy of Howl’s caresses. His hands had been so careful, hesitant, and almost afraid. He had cupped her face and kissed her softly. She had wrapped her arms around his neck, all nerves and laughter. It had been their first time. Their only time.
Korra closes her eyes and goes through the motions. The steps are familiar, but everything is harsher, rougher, just like their entire relationship has been. She clutches at Mako’s hair and his teeth rake her skin. She feels herself letting go, the experience of a thousand past lives taking over—or perhaps it’s only simple human instincts guiding her—and eventually she finds that it’s over. Her eyes are half lidded as she looks up at him. She’s not sure what to say, or if she should say anything, so she doesn’t. She stays quiet and lets the old memories blend into the new ones.
The silence drags on for an eternity.
She hears a voice, not the deep, smoky one she has grown used to over the last few months, but a different voice, a soft and shy and melodic voice, whisper in her ear. It says to her, “I love you.”
-x-
“Hey, sleepyhead.”
Korra’s smile widens and her blue eyes open groggily to see the person lying next to her. A pair of amber eyes gazes into her half-open blue ones. Korra lets her eyes fall closed once again and reaches up to intertwine her fingers with the hand at her cheek.
“Hey, Howl,” she whispers back.
The hand she had been holding clenches and rips itself out of her grasp. It’s only then that she remembers she’s not in the South Pole anymore.