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Six months.
It was cold and quiet in that doctor's office. The news only added to the absence of warmth and the silence that flooded your ears. It wasn't the answer that you wanted, but it was the answer that you got. The look on the doctor's face only drove home the fact that this wasn't a bad joke at your expense. No, this was reality. The earth and everything felt as if it had fallen out from under you.
"Are you sure?" was the only thing that you could mutter.
You felt dumb for asking that question. Of course, he had to be sure. He was a medical professional who had been doing this for longer than you had been alive. From the sound of things, he was going to be doing this for a lot longer than you would be around. Yet, as part of some sort of last ditch effort, you had to ask him.
"I'm afraid so," he confirmed your fears, "of course, modern medicine has come quite a ways. We'll be in touch, as far as treatment options."
All you can do is nod. The iciest sensation came over you as you felt your emotions shut off. It was almost as if this was some sort of natural instinct to avoid weakness showing through. You wanted nothing more than for the doctor to walk out of the room and leave you to your thoughts. Then again, you didn't want to be alone. It was nothing short of confusing and conflicting. As he did finally leave the room, you look ahead, your vision feeling blurry and hazy.
After a minute, you find enough strength to pull yourself back to your feet, off of the examination table that you sat upon. Sitting alone in that small and empty room wasn't going to help you feel better. As you finally walk out into the hallway, you notice the nurses as they look at you, the expression of pity clear and apparent. Just as with the doctor, all you can do is nod in appreciation of their consideration. There was nothing to be said. If anything, you just wanted to leave. Be it that office or your body, you wanted to leave.
As you finally step out into the crisp Autumn air, you see the overcast sky. The mixture of greys that blotted out the sky only kept you grounded in this state of shock. The leaves on the trees had mostly gone their way for the season. The life that once kept the scenery vibrant and alive was gone until early Spring. Of course, to add salt into the fresh wound, it was going to be a Spring that you might not even get to see. To make it worse, the breeze that blew by slapped your face with an unpleasant chilled presence.
You had to stumble your way to your car. Standing in the parking lot was only making matters worse. You didn't need to be where it was cold and empty, just like that darned office room where the news was delivered to you. No, you needed to hurry up and unlock that door, so you could get in and crank up the engine. That, of course, you did. As you felt the still warm air from the vents waft across your face, you stared at the dash. Nothing. You still couldn't feel anything except shock and numbness. With that same blank expression, you drove out from the doctor's office and back home.
As you pulled out into the road, the radio faintly buzzing in the background, you recalled what would be waiting for you as you got there. It was the one person you didn't want to face. Asriel, who was not only your best friend, but the love of your life. He was the one person who gave you that reason to continue to breathe and move forward. That smiling face, those warm and strong arms, and even his overall presence were what you looked forward to after every work day. Now, you didn't even want to see his innocent face. If anything, you wanted to hide from him. Yet, he was the one person that you wanted to go running to. It was absolute confusion.
Driving down the road, the sun setting over the now barren trees, you thought a lot about what the future was going to hold. You knew that you wouldn't be alive forever and would have to leave Asriel, one day. But, that didn't have to be this soon. You two had so much planned together. There were so many places left to travel, so many experiences to try, and not to mention so many different days you would not get to wake up and see his beautiful face staring at you as you opened up your tired eyes. The feeling was that of your entire existence being ripped from you. If you really could feel anything at that moment, you would be sobbing more tears than you knew you could cry.
WIth each mile, you drew closer to the house that the two of you shared. You couldn't put it off. You promised him that you would drive straight home after you got out of your appointment. Letting him down and lying to him was something that you never would want to do. There was just something about him that compelled you to be honest and true to him. He really domesticated you. Thinking on it, you had to release a short chuckle. He really was the best thing that happened in your life. The simple fact that the two of you wound up together still blew your mind.
Finally, you made it home. It was the one place you both wanted to be and wanted to be the furthest from. You knew he was inside, decorating the interior. Autumn was his favorite season. The colorful leaves and all of the festivals seemed to really perk him up in a way that could hardly be explained. You couldn't count the number of hay rides you two went on or even how many times he beat you bobbing for apples. As well, it never failed, you would always have a warm cup of apple cider waiting for you after a long day of work. It was one of his specialties, after all.
Taking a deep sigh, you stand out of the car. Looking at the front door, you felt the tension and anxiety build up inside of you. You knew you were going to have to break this awful news to him and shatter his good mood. How you felt didn't really matter, right now. No, it was all him and how he would feel. This would wreck his day. You didn't want that for him. Yet, you still found yourself walking closer and closer to that entrance until finally you were there, your hand on the door knob. It turned, allowing you to walk into the house.
As you stepped inside, you felt the warm air move over you. Mixed in with it was the scent of warm cider and the distinct smell of a freshly basked pie, one of which you were more than certain what the flavor would be. It was so welcoming and familiar; quite the contrast to where you were earlier. The smell of what could only be decsribed as "Home" beat the cold and sharp scent of medical instruments. Around the room, you saw little decorations that had been pinned up. There was a festive turkey fixture in one corner of the room, while season-oriented colors brightened up the rest of the living space. Fake leaves were sprinkled in different places to accentuate the already full feel of the season. You had to hand it to the goat, he was really good at picking out just the right things to make a house feel like a home.
Then, you saw a white blur out of the corner of your eye. It was Asriel, sitting longways on the couch. Yet, you found yourself not quite ready to see what he was wearing. Rather than comfortable evening clothes, he was dressed in something that was much more racy. All that covered his arms were a matching set of dark navy and orange gauntlets that reached up his arms, the delta rune decorating the biceps. His legs were covered in stockings of the same color, save for the top which had a white dog-faced decoration, the ears making two points over the rest of the hosiery. As well, his loins were covered by a matching pair of briefs that accentuated quite well what he had to offer. He always had a way of surprising you with the most outlandish of ideas and even outfits. Anything for you, of course.
You blushed and smiled at him with that goofy grin that only he could get out of you. Though, it wasn't as big of a grin as you usually gave him. Rather than this giving you the kind of reaction that it was supposed to, it was more of a reminder of who you were about to let down. The realization of the news hit you, again. Except, this time, it was exponentially worse. You were face to face with the one person you were going to hurt the most and there was nothing that you could really do about it.
"Hey, you," he welcomed you with his kind and soft voice, "how did the visit go?"
His question wasn't just for alluring you closer to him. You knew he was legitimately concerned about how you were. That only hit you worse. You were frozen before him, trying to find words to speak to him, but you couldn't. Those words wouldn't come. Like a statue, you stood there without any emotion or life. Even if you tried to move, you were petrified.
"Honey?" he calls to you, the look of seduction and excitement to see you fading from his face, "Are you okay?"
Without a word, you walk closer to him, still unsure of what to say. Your jaw hangs open with your bottom lip quivering. The strangest sensation pours over you. It felt like the desire to leap from your body was overwhelming you to the point to where you couldn't stand it. As you were almost upon him, you feel yourself starting to give way, dancing close to the point of fainting. Without warning, your legs fail you, causing you to collapse into him as he stands from the couch.
"What's wrong?" he pleads for an answer, catching you before you had the chance to slip to the ground.
You allow yourself to prop yourself against him. With what little strength you can muster to your legs, you try to keep yourself upright. Standing there, you can feel his soft fur against your face as you breathe in his scent. The combination of the two were always enough to ease your nerves and bring you to a calm state. If anything, it brought you back enough to where you could reorient yourself. That was just enough to melt the numbness of the shock away.
You looked up at him, seeing his concerned face looking down at you. Even more to the point, you could feel his worry for you in the subtle increase of breaths he took. The tight hold he had on you loosened enough for you to regain your stance. Rather than standing back on your feet, you slid down to your knees and rested your head on the lower regions of his stomach, your arms hardly holding onto his legs. At that point, all you could do was cry.
"Please, talk to me!" he begged you, taking both of his hands to hold your face upwards to look him in the eye, "I'm really worried about you."
"Asriel," you choke out, trying to find the strength to talk, "I don't know how to say this."
"Say what?" he asks, becoming all the more distraught.
You hated to, but you had to finally stand up and face him eye-to-eye. Your wobbly legs supported you, this time. The entire time that you made your way back up, you looked him in his eyes. Those gorgeous eyes killed you. They were so innocent and full of hope. So much had been taken away from him in the past and you were about to take something special away from him. The tears kept rolling down your cheeks as both of your hands cupped each cheek of his face, feeling the soft fur on your fingertips.
"I, I only have so long to live, Az," you break it to him, your voice and spirit audibly sounding broken. "Six months, maybe more, if I'm lucky."
If ever you saw the look of pure fear on his face, it was then. His pupils grew small as his eyes widened, an almost inaudible bleat bounces in his throat. No words could properly describe what was going through his head at that moment. Rather than asking questions, he threw his arms around you in a tight embrace. His paw held the back of your head, placing your face right on his chest. The silence was deafening. Other than the faint music that played in the kitchen, all you could hear were his quivering breaths and racing heartbeat as he tried to hold back his tears. You knew what was about to come, but you couldn't stop it.
"Az," you call to him, your voice being slightly muffled by his fur, "Az, talk to me, bud."
His quiet mumbles of sorrow turn into a remorseful wail. It hit you harder than you thought it would. In fact, it broke your heart to hear him fall apart like this. The worse part was, there was honestly nothing that you could do. You couldn't take this away. No, you had to let him experience this, all the while holding you as tight to his bosom as he physically could. It was as though, if he were to release you, you would disappear forever. Rather than trying to break his embrace, you put your arms around him and hugged him.
"I'm sorry," you whisper to the mourning goat, "I really wish I could stop this."
Your final couple of words were hardly spoken through your tears. At that point, all you could do was cry and wail along with him. He was a sensitive guy and so were you, the longer you had been around him. Yet, you didn't bother to fight it. You let it happen. Truth be told, you were comforted by his strong hold. At that time, you didn't want to be anywhere else but in his loving arms. If you could spend the rest of what little time you had in those arms, you would. At that time, you didn't worry about how much time you had left, though. No, you just focused on that moment.
"I don't want to lose you," he cries, "I've lost too many people, already. Not you, please not you."
"Az," you try to interrupt him.
"We have so much more to do," he continues, hardly hearing your beckoning, "and there's so many places we have to go. You can't go! I already planned a nice vacation for us for next Summer and everything!"
"Az," you call again, hoping he'd hear you, but to no avail.
"There were so many more things that I wanted to give you and do for you, because, because," he pauses to sniffle some, "because I wanted you to be the happiest person, ever!"
"Asriel," you finally get through to him, "please, listen. I'm not gone, yet."
You look back up at him and he down at you. Both of you looked a mess. Tears had matted his fur together on his cheeks, just as the streaks were still apparent on your face. You caught his attention. Now was your chance to tell him anything you needed to. But what, you didn't exactly know. Before you could mutter another word, he placed a finger over your lips.
"No, you're not gone, yet," he agrees, still giving you a saddened look, "but I'm not going to let you slip by without making the next few months the best months of your life. I promise, I'll devote everything I can to making you feel complete and happy. I promise! You'll be so happy, that, that you might even start getting better."
"Yeah," you nod, just happy to hear his sweet words, "maybe."
In that moment, you hung your head and rested it back on him. Coming back to yourself and being able to really feel again, you felt the oddest urge build up within you. Call it being caught up in the moment or dropping all inhibitions, but you could feel what you wanted to ask of him. If these were going to be the final months, then you wanted them to go out with a bang. You wanted them to end in a way that the two of you got to choose. It didn't matter if it was how you were feeling or how he was dressed, but you felt the absolute urge to tell him just how you felt.
"Asriel," you finally speak up, holding all the tighter onto him.
"Yeah?" he answers your call with a soft response.
"I don't know how to say this, but I want my next few months to be worth it," you inform him, feeling your face flush from all the mixture of emotions that began flowing through you. "I want you to take me for all I'm worth. Don't pay no mind to how fragile you may think I am, okay? If anything is going to make me weak, I want it to be you. I want you to do everything you want with me. I don't care if it hurts, I want you to get everything out of me that you can, do you understand? I don't care how long I have and I don't care what this may do to me. I just want to be yours for as long as I can, Asriel Dreemurr."
"You, you mean," he asked, looking down at you with a shocked and flustered face, "you mean that? I, I mean you are saying what I think you're saying, right?"
"Yes, Asriel," you agree, taking the moment to hold yourself as close to him as you could, "even if it's not what I'm meaning, I still want you to do whatever it is you want with me. Take me places, hold me for an extra hour in the morning, give me surprises, make me clean the house more, tell me what you want me to do for you. It doesn't matter. I just want my time here with you to be everything to you. Because, well, because I love you, Asriel."
"I," he choked up again, "I love you too."
His words were shaky, just as he was. You could feel just how nervous that statement made him. You gave him absolute dominion over you and everything about you. That was a scary amount of consent to him and the both of you knew it. Yet, you trusted him and his better judgement. After another moment passed, he looked down at you again.
"How about we sit down?" he asks you.
"Sure, I was about to-" he picks you up bridal style before you had the chance to say anything else.
He seats himself onto the couch while still holding you. The action was unexpected, but you didn't really argue or complain. Given the position he decided to sit, you were upon his lap, his arm wrapped around you. It went without saying how speechless you were. Everything that had happened since you got home was such a blur. It was almost like all of this had just caught up with you. In fact, you found yourself lost in his stare. That same stare only drew you closer and closer to him until your lips and his muzzle met.
That kiss did away with the day, if only for that moment. Your eyes closed, as did his. As he held your back, you cradled his face. The two of you were lost in each other as you gave each other multiple kisses, some last longer than others. The position, however, was awkward. You had to turn to where you were straddling him so that the two of you could continue to lovingly embrace the other and show affection.
Finally, when you felt the final connection of your lips on his pull apart for the last time, you opened your eyes to look at him again. It was nothing short of magical, looking at those innocent eyes. You didn't have to say anything. All you had to do was lie against him and let him hold you with those loving arms of his.
"I love you, Asriel," you tell him, feeling secure, "and I mean it. You've made my life complete. Thank you, thank you so much."
"I love you, too," he called your name with a tender voice, "Even if our time is short, I'm going to cherish it til I can't any longer. I never knew anyone could show so much love until I met you."
"Anything for you, Az" you close your eyes, again.
The moment passes by in comfortable silence with held by him. The Autumn wind blows outside as the sun finally sinks below the hills, leaving little light outside. All that was left of the day was for the two of you to enjoy the last of it together in any way that you chose. Rather than rushing the moment, you let it sink in. That was until you felt his chin move away from you, causing you to look up at him.
"So," he says with an awkward pause, "anything? Are you sure? You really trust me?"
"I trust you, Asriel," you remind him, not knowing what he was speaking of, but at the same time, not paying it any mind.
"Then, I'll take your word for it," he tells you, giving you a soft kiss, "What say we end the day together?"
"That sounds great to me, Az" you yawn, smiling up at the towering goat, " Let's end it together."
THE END