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The world felt like a muted static—all of those cheers and talks and he couldn’t hear them well. The fans were calling their names, shouted his name in gleeful manner. He stood there, occasionally smiled and waved to the crowds, but there was something heavy inside his chest that eating him alive.
I should have noticed it sooner, was one lingering thought that kept echoed inside his mind when Jisung nudged him softly on his side. Seongwoo blinked and snapped from his daze, feeling Jisung’s hand on his back: rubbing repeated pattern of soothing small circles. The leader of WANNA ONE looked concerned, “You are not smiling, Seongwoo-ya.” It was a soft, faint whisper that almost inaudible to another—but Seongwoo heard it alright.
“I’m smiling,” He replied, plastered another smile on his face: See? I’m smiling alright. But Jisung knew him way too well; the blue haired’s brows raised as he whispered his doubt, “Your eyes weren’t. They looked so hollow. It’s not your fault, you know.”
There was this sharp PANG! on his heart. Seongwoo sighed, “I know.”
But still—
On the other side of the stage, Daniel sat on a chair; the silver haired tried his best to smile and converse to the crowd. The MMO trainee apologized since he couldn’t maintain his health well. “I'm sorry I didn't take care of my health better,” He muttered, totally looked pale despite of the make up given by their make up artist, “I'll improve soon and promote with the members to show you guys a good stage.”
The younger male looked so vulnerable and weak; his oversized black tracksuit enveloped him like a cocoon—the hoodie was pulled on to covered Daniel’s head. His voice was husky and Seongwoo knew the latter tried his best not to stutter. A few moments ago, Daniel still had difficulties to speak; and Seongwoo hated himself for having no power to urge the younger: Just stay at the dorm and rest! But no, the supposed Nielmoyed was totally stubborn—sometimes Seongwoo wondered if it got any connection with his zodiac. After all, Sagittarius was stereotyped as rock-headed type with a strong ego despite their intellectual qualities and capability to attract attention of a large gathering of people.
Please rest, Niel-ah. Seongwoo remembered how hot the skin under his palm: burning in fiery temperature. Beads of cold sweats formed on the latter’s forehead, and Daniel’s lips was so pale against his already dull complexion. Seongwoo wanted to get angry; he wanted to scold the younger male for being so stubborn eventhough he was delirious from severely high fever from the night before.
I want to be there with you guys, The silver haired pleaded. His clouded eyes were misty and puffed, breath ragged as he tried to formed the sentences, I’ll be fine. I’ll just say hi then I’ll leave and rest. I promise.
Daniel held Seongwoo’s wrist tight, tugged the older male in his best version of playful manner. Seongwoo cursed himself for being so weak to those puppy eyes, and sighed in defeat. You will NOT push yourself, okay Niel-ah? If you feel dizzy, please tell me. Tell us or the staff immediately.
Okay, Daniel replied with a weak smile. Sorry for making you guys worry, Hyung.
Seongwoo wanted to scream at that moment. He wanted to yell, wanted to throw his arms to the air and emphasized It’s not your fault that you’re sick—You’re too busy to properly rest. You’re even busier than me, and here I am: felt so exhausted and burnt out. Seongwoo wanted to hug him tightly, wanted to shower Daniel’s faces with peppering kisses—to tell that if only you can share your pain to me. I’ll take half of it, or more.
Seongwoo remembered that Daniel’s temperature was already unusually high when they were doing their schedule on Master Key’s set. He asked Daniel about it, but the younger male brushed it off, I’m fine, Hyung. Really. Seongwoo knew it was a lie, and he regretted that he didn’t push the matter further before.
He remembered his heart sank when Daniel collapsed to the ground: pale faced with one of his hand covered his face. Those eyebrows scrunched together, expressing a painful ordeal, and Daniel’s teeth began to clatter. Seongwoo remembered that he dashed into his lover’s side, supporting the body as Daniel laid his head on Seongwoo’s shoulder; the latter’s bigger frame was hunched into a fetal position, blazingly hot and feverish.
“Niel! Niel…!!”
Seongwoo panicked at that particular moment. He felt so tiny and helpless and he was devastated to witness Daniel suffered in front of him. The MMO trainee used to be the stronger one between them: the one with better stamina and the one who always supported him attentively whenever the Fantagio trainee didn’t feel too good.
“Seongwoo-ya…”
He remembered how weak Daniel’s voice when the silver haired pleaded his name over and over. Seongwoo felt like his heart was shredded into pieces, “Niel…!” Those eyes blinked open, slowly, dazed yet tried his best to focus on Seongwoo’s face.
“Don’t cry, Hyung,” He stuttered, fingers touched Seongwoo’s cheek; Daniel’s thumb wiped the tears formed on the latter’s eyes.
He wanted to scream when the paramedics tried to lift Daniel—they took Daniel away from his side and he loathed it. He totally furious when a staff tried to pulled him back, coaxed him to let his grip from Daniel’s body. He was sure that he snapped dangerously—ordered them to let him stay by Daniel’s side. “I’ll be with him,” He growled, like a wounded beast.
So they let him climbed along into the ambulance, holding Daniel’s hand all the way to the hospital. The MMO trainee didn’t seem well; delirious and totally in pain. Through his chattering teeth and rough, ragged breath Daniel kept whispering a name.
His name.
“Seongwoo-ya…”
“I’m here, Niel,” He tightened his grip on the latter’s hand, “I’m here.”
He wanted to scold the driver to drive faster. They need to reach this goddamn hospital soon. Daniel need to be treated. Why the hell they took so many time and haven’t reach it already?
“He’ll be okay,” The staff sat next to him tried to assured him, and Seongwoo almost snapped Stop that wishy washy half-heartened small talk bullshit with me—but he swallowed his curses and nodded in response.
Seongwoo watched how those needles punctured Daniel’s skin repeatedly: medicines and IV drips and whatever they explained to him in medical term—his heart wrenched to see Daniel lied there in front of him, almost lifeless. Seongwoo remembered how he paced on the corridor when the hospital nurse sent him away, denied his plea to let him stay inside. “He need to rest,” The nurse stated, and Seongwoo wanted to retort back: He need me!
It was after another agonizing hour when the nurse finally let him inside: they had moved Daniel into a VIP room—a medium sized room for one patient, furnished with a small end table and a generic looking sofa that totally uncomfortable to sit upon. It smelled like classic disinfectant mixed with somewhat familiar floral scent was emitted from the humidifier.
Daniel’s lashes flutters when he opened his eyes slowly, “Hey.”
His tone was rasp—Seongwoo hated to see those lips lost his usual colour, yet he forced himself to smile, “Hey.”
“Sorry.”
Seongwoo really wanted to cry back then. “Why did you apologize, you fool—“ His eyes felt hot as a slick veil of tears slowly formed on his eyes. He touched Daniel’s temple: it was hot as the fever had not subside yet.
“I made you stuck here with me at the hospital while our other members are having fun in Osaka,” Daniel replied. He whimpered a bit as Seongwoo pinched his cheek, “Babo.”
“Ouch,” Daniel winced, and Seongwoo let a deep sigh before he pressed their forehead together. “I wanted to be here with you, you know it right Niel?” He cupped the latter’s face, felt the younger’s fingers touched his nape, “Mmm.”
“Get well soon.”
“I will,” Those eyes crinkled into a cresent shape, “…kiddo.”
It was several hours later when their manager came in and informed that they will go back to the dorm, Daniel included. Seongwoo argued, “He still need to rest.” How come the agency do this selfish act to Daniel? His lover need his treatment, and they provided the support better on the hospital. There will be no one on the dorm except him, and he was afraid if Daniel’s fever will risen and get worse into pneumonia or another illness he couldn’t immediately treat with generic medicines from their nearest drugstore. What if something happened and Daniel couldn’t reach the hospital quick enough?
“He can rest on the dorm.”
“His temperature hadn’t gone down yet, damn it…!” Seongwoo raised his tone, and he didn’t feel sorry for it. He loathed the way their manager assumed everything will be okay, that nothing was wrong—yet his Daniel was lied there, weak and obviously ill from exhaustion dan lack of proper rest.
“Hyung…” Daniel called him, tugged his sleeves softly, “It’s okay.”
“Niel…!”
“I’ll be fine. Let’s go back to the dorm. I’ll just sleep then. Tomorrow I’ll be better.”
Damn it, Daniel. Seongwoo wanted to get angry with the younger male, but he just couldn’t. Daniel was still holding his wrist, thumb rubbed circles on Seongwoo’s skin. “I’ll be okay,” Daniel whispered his words of assurance, “I got you, Hyung.”
“But—“
“You could nurse me,” Daniel offered the idea; eyes slightly sparkled with the novel idea—it was one of the most common troupe on romantic drama after all. The protagonist take care of the sick lover, spending time together and the illness will be gone when morning come. Daniel’s tone was kinda hopeful, and Seongwoo gave in. “…’kay.”
It was hard for Daniel to even stand up, let alone walked along the long corridor to their van; so they put him on a wheelchair. Seongwoo pushed the chair, the wheels created a soft rattle noises as them rolled and rolled against the linoleum floor. “Sorry, Hyung,” Daniel apologized once again, and Seongwoo piched his cheeks again in return, “Stop apologizing.”
Daniel laughed, a faint one. “Okay,” He chuckled, “I’ll just say thanks then. Thank you, Seongwoo-ya…”
“For pushing your wheelchair?”
“For being a wonderful boyfriend that put up with all of my selfishness,” Daniel raised one of his hand and touched Seongwoo’s hand on the wheelchair’s handle grip, “For keep staying by my side and loving me always.”
“…you’re being sappy.”
“And you love this sappy fool, don’t you?”
“…so you admitted being a fool.”
“Touche.”
They gave him the medicines and instructions to deal with his high fever, so Seongwoo did what he was told to. He wrapped Daniel with enough blanket, plastered the compress gel strip on the latter’s forehead, then made a simple porridge using his mother’s recipe. “You need to eat something before you could take your medicine—why you’re smilling so sheepishly, Niel-ah?”
“Because you’re nursing me and I’m grateful for it,” Daniel opened his mouth as Seongwoo started to hand-fed him, spoonful after spoonful, “Being fed and pampered like this somewhat didn’t seemed so bad. We’re being awfully domestic and I love us being domestic.”
“I still prefer you being healthy while we’re being domestic though,” Seongwoo fed him another spoonful of porridge, “Seeing you ill like this seriously bad for my heart.”
“I’ll be a good boy and try my best to get well soon, Hyung.”
“Good.”
But when morning came and Seongwoo wake up startled from his awkward sitting position by the MMO’s bed, Daniel’s temperature hadn’t lowered much. He was still burning, and his fever was still high. Seongwoo tried his best, really—and he kinda blamed himself for not taking care of Daniel. Not good enough, he accused himself.
It was a relief when their other members went home from Japan; Jisung being his usual mother hen and barked to Seongwoo to get a proper rest. We won’t need another sick person, Seongwoo-ya. Rest. Seongwoo recluctantly went to his own bed and sleep—he was facing Daniel’s bed and occasionally stole a glance to peek on the latter’s condition. The younger male was sleeping alright. Please get well soon, Seongwoo mouthed.
Daniel’s temperature dropped a little after that, but he was obviously still way too sick to attend their schedules. So the management finally announced that they will alter Daniel’s schedule to let him get a proper rest. Fuckin’ finally, Seongwoo grunted.
But Daniel was being Daniel and he was stubborn as hell. The silver haired insisted to tag along to the fansign. So here they were now: Seongwoo with the rest of WANNA ONE members on one side of the stage while Daniel muttered his apology on the other side. Soon after, Daniel left the venue with one of the staff, their manager informed that Daniel will visit the hospital for another treatment.
It was hard to focus after that—Seongwoo really tried his best to act cheerful like his usual playful self, but his acting wasn’t polished enough. He still dazed off sometimes, eyes were lifeless as his heart wasn’t there after all. He was worried sick about Daniel, and the thoughts of his lover filled his mind; it was hard, really hard to even pretend to smile.
“You looked glum,” One of the staff told him, and Seongwoo brushed the warning off with a sarcastic remark, “Maybe because I am indeed glum.” The staff didn’t retort anything back, and then there was no other staff told him to force a smile on his face.
As usual, he was one of the last one who left the stage. He waved to the crowd, and by habit he turned around to stole a glance on his back, tried to locate Daniel—And the fact hit him with a BAM! Of course, how foolish is he? Daniel left earlier to the hospital, he told himself. It was really unsettling to not seeing the younger male as usual—the two of them usually left the stage together. Habit was really a scary thing.
“He’ll be better soon,” Jisung assured him. The leader of WANNA ONE understood his worries, “Our Kang Choding is a tough fighter, after all. You were doing a great job nursing him yesterday.”
Seongwoo just nodded.
Back on the dorm, he nursed Daniel again. After enough rest and the boost from the medicines, the MMO trainee was finally better. “I’m not as dizzy as before,” He told Seongwoo, “Give me a reward.”
“What do you want?” Seongwoo laughed, fingers holding onto the latter’s wrist. Daniel pretended to think hard, face scrunched and all. “Give me…” He paused for a more dramatic tension, “…a hug, please.”
“No.”
“No?” Daniel was taken aback with Seongwoo’s fast rejection. The Fantagio smiled sweetly and leaned down, whispered his reply on Daniel’s ear: “Get well soon. I’ll give you as many hugs as you want when you got your health back.”
A wide smile slowly formed on Daniel’s lips. “I need to get well as soon as possible, then.”
“You better be.”
“As many hugs as I want?”
“You have my word,” Seongwoo chuckled, “Now rest.”
“Okay.”