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Tetsuya met him once upon a feverish Tuesday, after he had packed his belongings one by one and turned away from life while loosely hanging on the last bit thread of reason. His initial thought was non existence; the long hours of blind estaffette flights to somewhere unknown ought to had him exhausted, and his brain was incapacitated to execute any sort of feelings.
Still, he coughed down the foreign ache spreading through his bloodstream with little to no affinity, maybe he underwent a bit of regret, but chose to just first hand witnessing the cosmic latte splash of dusk of this unfamiliar city. and there he was.
Tetsuya blinked out of curiosity after something eerie stirred around the place, then he stared right at him, a silhouette stood high on a cliff against the approaching waves, smithereens fluttering in the wind on the cold shore, where the city met the sea.
Thursday had something to do with incessant looming of grey sky in wallachia. and there was peculiar serenity hung in the air treated as public secrets; a wealthy, extreme loner with tendecy to blood sucking who's nowadays hardly ever seen leaving his personal castle.
Tetsuya could only listen willfully to the rumor from the eager residents while trained his attention across the dewy window through the unwavering storms. All the time trying to make sense about the juxtaposition of the cold blooded characteristic of the rumor, and his tidal remembrance of the man he saw on the shore; alone, with the sort of detached judgement and appeared as if any moment he would fade right off of the picture, right out of the air.
It wasn't like Tetsuya decided to take a break from life so he could be a blank space, or new one to be exact, it just came naturally to him that he was undeterred sort of person. He had no problem to be around people, though maybe that Saturday was a bit too heavy with the gushing rain accompanied by mechanical hums of wind that lead to small eternity.
It was stone cold; his grip on Tetsuya's wrist, much colder than the billion of raindrops which enveloped both of them, but it was the sudden proximity that startled Tetsuya into non commentary jilt.
They were standing on that same cliff from a week ago, drenched with droplets to every core of their skin while staring at each other.
"You cant be here." His voice a mixture of distance and barricade, like a razor blade piercing through the storm which made Tetsuya began to think that all of this looked like a false start.
"But you're here." Tetsuya offered back with a hint of deviance, trying to aggravate this immobile man as much as he could, he wanted to inspect what's residing inside. He didn't know which was more embarassing; the way he was caught mimicking the man's action on the cliff, or the impersonal tug on his sleeve by said man to diss his retort, while he silently followed.
There's always some truth in every rumor; it was approaching early sunday when the man finally let go of his hand, Tetsuya got the feeling that he had stepped into a private dimension; every speck of the castle seemed desaturated like there's some old mechanism behind it working and knew exactly what its guests were thinking; an irony itself when the owner was much more secretive than all people combined in the world. So it should had been had the rumors were a hundred percent match.
"You can leave when the storm ends." He's a man with penchant for scant words, beckoning Tetsuya to take the towel. minutes into an awkward conversation all Tetsuya got was a hint that he's unwanted intruder. He accepted the towel and wondered.
Under the dim illumination Tetsuya can see a richer color to his appearance; old fashioned tunic somewhere in depth of grey clutched to his skin with speck of gold for eyes, long hair and a pendant hung around his neck, yet Tetsuya got better understanding of why he's blending so well into background. It had more to do with his tangible presence, a sophisticated persona contoured in sepia, as if he was a collage of jaded memories forsaken by time.
"Why were you calling out to me in the first place."
"I am a creature of habit," he retorted, like it was enough of explanation. it wasn't. not at all.
"So it's a habit for you scaring people on a bloody cliff somehow?"
"There were people like you on the place where you had been earlier," Tetsuya almost missed the peculiar downturn of his lips as if painful nostalgia splurged into his being, it quickly dissipated as he mumbled, in almost accusing tone, "also you didn't look terrified, not of me atleast."
He was called count Kise, people said, Kise Ryouta of Pendragon, the name that bore foreignness to the tongue in this modern century. Tetsuya ate his brunch soup sloppily as he was busy digesting further gossip he could hear in the little cafe. he didn't know why he was this invested in this matter, he could only guess that all of this was a spectacular distraction from his prior life. Kise was right, he should conceded and minded his own business and took a long journey around the world instead.
But that late sunday's night in his small motel room consisted of; him rubbing the spot where the faded mark on his wrist still lingered, diminishing the fact that he should be offended with his accusation about him wanting to jump off the cliff, because he's occupied with staring at the rough ceiling, mind a stranger to his body as he visioned Kise, sat so very alone in his antique chair every twenty seven year witnessing his lovers came and left.
"You didn't look terrified, not of me atleast."These words had been echoing in his dream without any consolation, Tetsuya did wonder, he didnt feel afraid, it's true, rather he was more perturbed by the fault line of certainty he sensed from the way Kise said it, and the sudden urge of wanting to wrap his arms around him.
"You didn't look terrified, not of me atleast."
"Yes," Tetsuya agreed, mapping the edge of cold face with his fingers, an urgency in his voice, "I'm not afraid of you." there was another pair of hands that wrapped around his own, to keep them there, his eyes closed as if the air was hard to breathe.
"You weren't, but you should have to."
On Monday morning he woke up from his dream with a clench in his heart after he suddenly realized the implication of never.
You were never afraid of me
Tetsuya left his motel with his suitcase and strolled through the shore, the water were still as cold, the waves splattering around his ankles failed to hush the storms inside him away. He didn't take a detour and took a long breath instead, before knocking on the tall old door of the castle.
It opened after four times, and he invited himself in just because he knew that after everything he would hate himself if he didn't take this step.
Kise had just arose from his chair when Tetsuya arrived in front of him instead. He had long taken notice of the suitcase and the reckless way Tetsuya walked as if he would rebuff anything Kise would say. He held his eyes for a full minutes, and Tetsuya knew he was trying to find a way to reject him.
"I have no money left, can you please give me shelter?"
"You can't. this place-"
"I know you were kind enough to care about people who wanted to jump off the cliff every twenty seven years."
A frightening silence. then. "how?"
"You cant keep secret from me if you look at me the way you always did."
Tetsuya smiled as Kise's eyes turned several shades darker, somehow he knew he had won. even when he knew all his guesses were correct, sadness and shit, he wouldn't let any rain pouring out right now. Not when he realized this particular newfound attachment wasn't only a curse, but an addictive blessing too.
"What is the feeling of eternal life?" Tetsuya wondered one Thursday, wriggling beneath the the sheet. Kise didn't answer him, which was as expected, Tetsuya had come upon a fact that he was a man of emotional hazard. he suspected Kise was having his own hazard too.
Kise's room was too much of a lonely space, so he thought he would bring himself every night to make it livelier. It was a disaster at first ofcourse, because even though he always knew, it was still hard to notice that he wouldn't ever able to hear his heartbeats, the freezing skin that would be the reason Tetsuya's touch would be rebuffed, or the way he's not reflected in anything, nor his shadows would ever fall into rhythm with Tetsuya's.
Kise was wrong, it's not like Tetsuya wasn't afraid, rather, love didnt feel like everything would be alright, while fear was waiting for him in every corner.
"Turn me."
"I won't. i don't want to."
"You're so selfish. I cant let you wait for me every twenty fucking seven year alone."
"Don't be like this. You should never come here and have a normal life instead."
"But i always did, didnt i? Why wont you let me accompany you always instead."
"Always is a very long time. I won't have you take this curse."
He cut Kise's hair once before dawn, after his vision had adjusted to the dim illumination, after all night and day looked the same inside the castle. There's a bit of reluctance in the way Kise behaved around him, though his overall personality gradually became warmer, matching with his new haircut. It stirred something inside Tetsuya.
"Penny for your thought?" Kise asked while they were sitting on the open balcony. The storm had stopped earlier leaving droplets of residue pouring from the sky.
Penny for you heart, Tetsuya secretly retorted. But he grabbed something from his pocket instead; a potrait of himself cut down on the edge of particular shape. He handed it out to Kise, would not want to miss everything as he looked right into Kise's eyes.
"I'm a very petty person, to be honest." He started, touching the visible junctures on Kise's neck, stealing the pendant to look at it closer. He didn't open it though, he was grateful for them, could totally sympathize with the constant heart broken, but most of it was because he was selfish.
"i'm easily jealous of anything, even of my former selves. so put this inside and just look at me."
if anything, after a series of chainsmoking and profanities he thought, that things that were broken didnt necessarily had to be mended. Although it's true most of the time they were precarious enough to fall apart.
But today was Monday. and every Monday through Sunday, he wouldn't let him go.