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It was always him.
Himchan promised himself that he wouldn’t let anyone close to him, not again. But promises were made to be broken. It all started with a suspicion of a rat in their ranks, the first question that whizzed through his mind was ‘who’. Himchan had worked so hard to get where he was now; so who threatened that. Who had he let in that wanted to bring him to his knees. Himchan had bent, his fair share of people to his will, had painted more than enough walls red, had many lives on his conscience; that was what you needed to do to get to the top in the unforgiving reality that Himchan lived.
Immediately Himchan dismissed Yongguk, the man had been by his side when he had nothing but the clothes on his back and a knife in his hand. Yongguk had been by his side and was loyal as a dog. Himchan could always rely on the man with the deep voice that never failed to swoon the women. Yongguk watched as Himchan built his own reality that in the moment only included the two men. He watched as Himchan acted mercilessly, watched as blood splattered down his front but he still stood faithful. Yongguk continued to help when Himchan was gaining territory and power and artillery, it was too much for just the two of them to keep a hold of. Eventually it was decided they needed help, that Himchan needed more men than just Yongguk by his side.
The was when they found Junhong, who now had decided he wanted to go by the name Zelo. Both Himchan and Yongguk had agreed to go along with the by wishes but with a very obvious eye roll. Himchan had found a blonde, lanky Junhong laying in an alley when the boy had tried to pick ocket the wrong person. The boy was young and clearly didn’t know his way round the world he was trying to make a living in, so Himchan helped him and took him under his wing. Since then Junhong had adorned an idol like admiration for the older man; following him like a puppy. Junhong had insisted he be taught how to use the various weapons of artillery Himchan had gained over the years and of course Himchan taught him to the best of his abilities. Now the boy had grown into his lanky limbs that in the beginning seemed way to large and long for his body, he had filled out as well becoming broad and intimidating. Himchan thought he would stay loyal, after everything Himchan had done for him; there was no way the boy could betray him. That wrote him off Himchan’s suspicions pretty quickly.
Next was Youngjae and Daehyun, both had stumbled across the now trio by accident, it was simply being at the right place at the wrong time. Though Himchan could see the potential in the pair, thye were insanely annoying and more than once caused him to think about removing them from the gang; but only due to Yongguk’s strange adoration for the pair, they remained. They were good at talking, Youngjae with his wit and quick remarks and Daehyun with his dazzling smile and smooth talk. The two of them made each and every deal for the gang, and they had never failed making sure things went off without a hitch. They always had told Himchn the truth about the deals and whether the client had what they wanted or not; plus, they were too easy to read. Himchan could tell what each of them was thinking at any given moment so he didn’t suspect them. They had also affectionately came up with a name for the gang. They were now BAP.
Lastly was the man that currently held his heart, Moon Jongup. Himchan and Yongguk had found him, running from a rival gang, blood pouring from his arm and fear and cray swam in his eyes. The group had taken him in after slaughtering the rivals. They helped gain strength in the arm once and faith in living again. The crazy and wildness still fogged his dark eyes, he was the only person Himchan couldn’t read like an open book. It excited Himchan and drew him in, put him under spell. Yongguk often looked at Himchan with a knowing smile after Jongup had left the room, it was nice for him to see his best friend falling for someone again. Himchan would shake his head at the other, saying it was nothing and they were strictly partners.
But then why would this moment hurt so much. Himchan stood in front of Jongup gun in hand and barrel pointed at his forehead. Yongguk had dragged the boy into his office sadness drowning the man’s features. He had caught Jongup talking to the police about the gangs next heist and what he was going to do to destroy the group from the inside. The crazy still hadn’t left his eyes even as he kneeled on the floor before Himchan. He had waved Yongguk away the moment he had herd what had happened.
“Why Uppie?” Himchan questioned eventually, the nickname affectionately fell from his lips as looked over the boy’s body language. He earnt no response but that didn’t faze Himchan in the slightest.
“Why did you bother ratting, you couldn’t possibly have thought this would have ended well?” Himchan all but yelled at the boy, pushing him roughly from the kneeling position. He shook his head ridding himself of sad thoughts, he mentally turned that part of his brain off. The yelling made the boys outside flinch, they had never heard Himchan this angry. Yongguk had only heard this anger in one previous event, the moment Himchan had encountered his sister’s rapist and that didn’t end well for the opposing man.
“It has worked though, I’ve wormed my way into your cold heart, that still beats in that chest of yours.” Jongup utters in the tense room. His statement only added to the tension swallowing the room. Himchan shaking his head, tears brimmed in his eyes. The other’s words were very much true, Jongup had indeed wormed his way into Himchan’s heart. He cocked the gun and in a shaking hand pointed it at the boy’s forehead once more. Jongup only smirked at the leader who had tears in his eyes, he simply waited for him to pull the trigger. With a cry, Himchan did pull it. The noise loud in the quiet office, the rest of the gang- Youngjae, Yongguk, Junhong and Daehyun- flinched outside having heard the noise. Yongguk shook his head sadly, he didn’t want this for Himchan in any shape or form and he almost regretted bringing Jongup to him. The next sound they heard was a body hit the floor and a gun follow it. There was a tense moment, in which Yongguk sent the others away. Eventually he heard the tell-tale sign of Himchan breaking. He entered the room then, to be met with Himchan sat against the wall, tears dripping down his cheeks. Without a word, Yongguk picked the body of Jongup up and walked out the room with it. He dropped it in the hall calling for Junhong to dispose of it before he quickly returned to his best friend. The pair wouldn’t admit it but the best comfort could always be found in the other’s arms. They were brothers and always will be.
It was a long time until Himchn could look around the room without looking for Jongup and without his heart aching in his chest. He still did it sometimes, looked around for the younger boy who had crazy in his eyes. The boy had brought something different to the gang, Himchan was sad that thing had left them so quickly. It was always him for Himchan and probably would be for a while yet.