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It was about a week and a half until Reid saw Savannah again, and when he did, he regretted it. Reid was heading to the door, bag stuffed full of fresh laundry and a large to bear for Hank when he heard it. Morgan and Savannah were fighting. Loudly. And Hank was crying.
Reid knew he shouldn't eavesdrop. That's bad. Horrible people do that. And, Reid is not a horrible person.
Rolling his eyes at himself, Reid pressed his ear to the door. He knew he wasn't above it, he just wanted to pretend that he was for one second just to see what it felt like. But, honestly it's not as bad because he's listening for Hank. The poor baby needs some hugs stat. And by the particular shrill shriek he's got going on, he'll need tummy tickles, a little extra milk between meals, and pink bubbles in his bath to make up for whatever he's going through.
He heard Savannah's voice first. She had yelled out harshly, “You have no idea what it’s like to be a baby’s mother, so I’m going to need you to stop acting like you do! You’re not a better parent to him than me because you’re home all the time baking him cookies or whatever the hell you two get up to that makes you so tired.”
Morgan yelled back, “I never said I understood what it’s like to have carried him, I never said I was better than you, and you have to be effing kidding me! I spend every waking moment making sure he not only survives, but is happy! You hold him for an hour tops while you iron and pump! You don’t even breastfeed him anymore! What the hell, Savi?!”
“That’s because breastfeeding is the single worst thing about having him! He won’t latch on! He bites me! And, when he actually thinks I’m good enough to drink from, he drains me dry, and it hurts more than you can imagine!” Savannah whipped back, “And it is ‘heck’ when you’re around him, Derek! I don’t know how many times I have to tell you!
Morgan took a deep breath, answering evenly from the other side of the door, “And I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that he doesn’t understand words yet. Just tone of voice, and you’re the one sc reeching all over the house. He’s crying, and it’s like you don’t even care !”
Savannah let out a dark chuckle, “How dare you. How. Dare. You. Of course I care! He’s my son. And my voice is going to sound like whatever the heck it sounds like, and I’m not going to change that. I work my butt off, Derek--”
Morgan sighed, “Sav--”
“I said, I work my butt off.” Savannah cut him off, “Twelve hour shifts. To keep the fridge full and the lights on, and then I come home, and I just want to be myself--”
Morgan added, “I never said you couldn’t--”
“Yes, you did. You just said that my voice makes him cry. And, just what am I supposed to do about that? Huh?” Savannah continued, “Am I supposed to just coo and coddle him like you do all the time, Derek? Come on. You weren’t like this before. We had Hank, and now you’re… singing little show tunes and making sure the house smells like gosh darn lavender. That’s not the guy I married.”
Morgan answered sharply, “What do you mean? I’m caring for our son. I’m making sure he feels happy and safe and loved in here, because you know what? He’s not going to feel that way the second he walks out of this house and--”
Reid could hear Savannah’s eye roll from outside the door as she drawled, “Oh, God. Not this again.”
Morgan raised his tone a bit, “Is it going to be ‘not this again’ when he’s just another little black boy -- or if he’s lucky -- a grown black man on the street? When people look at him sideways and follow him around in stores and stop his car five times a fucking week, Savannah?! When cops treat him like a ticking time bomb because of the color of his skin? When people throw racial slurs around him like it’s all good? When he feels a gun against his head for the first time at fucking fourteen like I did? Huh? Because the only people that will show him unconditional love, one hundred percent off the bat, are you and me. He needs to know from birth that he can talk to us and confide in us and feel comfortable and safe with us, because he has no other place to do that, Savi! Just here! So, excuse me for doing whatever I can to show him how much I love him and fucking forgive me for making sure the house smells like the words I want him to understand at three months old. Forgive me for giving a goddamn shit, okay? Forgive me.”
Savannah let out a small breath, “Derek. I know this is hard for you--”
Morgan scoffed, “You don’t have a fucking clue.”
Savannah added, “And, I know that for some strange reason, you’re terrified that you’re going to mess things up with him because you don’t know how to be a father because of… you know--”
Morgan cut back, “Oh, bull, Savi. Just because I had mine for ten years, and you had yours for thirty does not in any way mean that you can comment about this.”
Savannah started, “Look. I’m just saying that I know this is a sore subject for you, but honestly, Derek. You don’t. Otherwise you wouldn’t be trying so hard.”
Morgan stared at her with confusion, “Why. Would. I. Not. Be. Trying. Hard. This is my baby, and I want to give him the world. What am I doing wrong? Honestly. Tell me. What am I fucking up? He is happy. And, he’s fed and dry and warm and clean and laughs at least four times an hour, I make sure of that. And he loves me, I can feel it . What else would you have me do?”
Savannah said easily, “Man up.”
There was a long pause. Reid couldn’t hear much of anything. Several long moments later, Savannah sighed, “I’m going to be late for work. One more time and I get a write up. I’m not getting fired because you can’t get your crap together, Derek.”
Reid stood at the door frozen for a moment, hearing the sound of Hank being transferred from hand to hand as he cried. When he heard keys, he hurried back to his car, yanked open the door and planted himself in the front seat closing the door as quickly as he could. Stashing his teddy bear in the seat beside him, Reid pulled his phone out of his pocket. As the Morgan’s front door opened, he started clicking and tapping on it randomly to make it look like he’s texting.
Not one minute later, he heard a knock on his car window. Reid put down his phone slowly. He doesn’t want to talk to her. He doesn’t even want to look at her to be honest. That was a nasty fight, and he just caught the tail end of it. It’s awkward to know what’s going on in their marriage like that. Reid can’t help but feel as though he’d seen them naked and it changed the way he felt about her completely. It even changed how he saw Morgan as well. He knew Morgan was having a hard time raising his son, but he had no idea. No idea. What he was going through.
And, yet, here she was. Tapping on his car window. Reid glanced over at her with the most sincere smile he could muster as he rolled the window down to speak to her, “Hey, Savannah! How are you?”
She answered pleasantly, “Just fine. You know, hanging in there. You’re blocking me out. Do you mind moving your car?”
Reid chuckled faintly at his faux pas, noticing that his car was indeed parked right behind hers, “Oh! Yeah. Of course. Sorry about that. Just finishing up a text. Hotch is really on me about that last case. He won’t stop asking me follow up questions, and--”
Savannah cut him off with a sweet smile, “Spencer, I’m going to be late. I don’t have time for… you know. I’m sorry.”
Reid nodded his head quickly, and put his car in reverse, “No, no. I’m sorry. I’ll just…” Reid glanced backward with his long arm around the empty passenger's seat as he backed the car out of the driveway to let her car out. She jogged over to her car and waited for him to reach the street before she pulled out of the driveway and waved out of the window at him, “See you later, Spencer. Thanks so much for watching the boys!”
“Any…” her car zoomed off down the street as he finished weakly, “...time.”
Reid parked again, taking a moment to collect himself before grabbing his satchel and bear close to him and making his way to the door. He knocked gently, and Morgan opened the door, bouncing a still quite fussy Hank in his arm. Morgan grinned, “Hey! Spence, hey! You’re early.”
“I’m five minutes late actually.” Reid replied, smiling back up at Morgan and trying to read his eyes.
Morgan let out a deep sigh, not even holding up the facade, “You heard everything, didn’t you?”
Reid lied, waving his hands around dramatically, “Psh, huh? Heard? What is ‘heard’? I didn’t even… I’ve never heard anything. I’m deaf.”
Morgan rolled his eyes, letting Reid in as he replied, “I saw your skinny little shadow lurking by the window and you haven’t looked me in the eye since you got in here. You can fool my wife, but you can’t fool me, kid.”
Reid held the big stuffed bear out in front of him and hid his face with it, “I’m sorry you guys are fighting. Here’s a teddy.”
Morgan started to chuckle, snatching the oversized toy out of his hands, “You’re cute. Close the door behind you, would ya? Letting the air out.”
Reid reached behind him and closed the door, locking it behind him and shifting his hands in front of him again to brace on the strap of his satchel. Morgan had moved to the other side of the living room, heading to the lights to no doubt dim them. Hank was screaming bloody murder. Morgan bounced him up and down, patting his back and holding him close as he made quiet little shushing sounds. He said softly to the baby, “Hey, there, angel. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. We were too loud. Your poor little ears… it’s okay. It’s all okay. We love you. Mommy and Daddy love you. We just had a little disagreement, but we love you so much. You’re our special little boy. Our good boy.” Morgan pressed a kiss to Hank’s head as he dimmed the lights slowly, “I know we shouldn’t be mean to each other like that. I’m sorry, baby. I want you to know that it’s all okay. Uncle Spencer is here. Yeah? Uncle Spencer! You love him. He’s your best friend. He can’t wait to see you.”
Hank let out a loud, screeching wail against Morgan’s chest, and Morgan glanced up at Reid with remorse on his face, “I’m sorry, man. He’s all upset cuz he heard me and Savi going at it.”
Reid replied, “Oh, no! No. That’s fine. I know it’s not your fault.”
Morgan sighed, “Actually, it is. It’s all my fault. I just--”
Reid butted in, “No, Derek! You were defending yourself. Quite well, I might add. She was just being a little harsh about your parenting style and you’re the one doing most of the parenting in my opinion, so…”
Morgan added as he bounced the crying baby that was trying it's best to distract Derek, Hank's tiny fists going every which way as he screamed and wailed, “I feel like she has a right to weigh in about this though. Hank is my son, but he’s hers too. Maybe I’m not… doing my part to show him how to be a man.”
Reid rolled his eyes, “There’s no real way to be a man, Derek. Please don’t get him entangled in that toxic masculinity bullshit.”
Morgan hissed out suddenly, “Yeah, well you were skipping gym and throwing it back for the baseball captain, so of course you would say that!”
Those words hit Reid like a slap, and he reared back, staring at Morgan with hurt and confusion.
Morgan slowly let out a breath, seeming to regret those words the moment he said them, “Kid. I… you know I didn’t mean that.”
Reid ran his hand through his hair, “No, no. Let’s be honest. Hank needs to learn to be a real man. Right? Savannah said it. And, now you? You believe that too. Sure, he’s almost four months old, but let’s start early with the emotional repression, and the body image issues, and the fruitless wish to get out of a lifelong ego competition that you were entered in - without your permission - at birth. Right?" Reid glanced at the baby and lowered his voice to a lower, more comforting tone and smirking gracefully when he realized that it just made his words come out way more patronizing than he initially expected, "Am I making sense? You know, because I’m not athletic and like to suck dick, so I’m not the one to ask about this.”
Morgan looked away from him, “Reid.”
Reid nodded, walking past Morgan and his sobbing baby into the hallway, “I’m going to go put my clothes away. Like a girl. So that I have something to wear to work tomorrow.”
Morgan reached out and grabbed Reid by the arm, stopping him in his tracks. Reid looked up at him and Morgan gave him a deep look, “Kid, I’m sorry. I’m just… trying to figure out who won that argument.”
Reid placed his hand over Morgan’s, “You did. Past tense.”
---
Morgan had set Reid up in the guest bedroom at the end of the hall, and it was a pretty nice room. Ocean blue walls, unbelievably soft white carpeting, wooden dressers and nightstands, caramel trimming, and a large floor to ceiling window that let out into the backyard. There was a home computer and printer in the room, so this was probably Morgan’s office or something. The bed was a dated corduroy pull out couch, but it was covered in hulking, soft looking blue sheets. And the pillows were stuffed with cushion. They felt like fucking clouds. God, Reid’s tired. He knew he was a little sleepy, but one look at this bed reminded Reid just how badly he needed the rest. It was barely 3:30 in the afternoon, but Reid just wants to be unconscious.
Reid tossed his duffle bag of clothes and supplies out and filled up the drawers with a couple clean pairs of Oxfords, slacks, underwear, socks, and PJ’s. He should be set for the next few visits. Kicking the duffle under the pull out bed, Reid decided to change into something more comfortable. Might as well. He’s going to be chasing around the munchkin in a little bit and he’d rather do that in an elastic waistband. Reid’s starting to understand Morgan’s lax dress style. He pulled apart the buttons on his shirt. He let the fabric slide from his arms and reached toward his belt to tug it out of his pants as the door opened quickly. Reid’s heart rate spiked in surprise as he snapped his head toward it with wide eyes.
Morgan stood in the doorway with a sheepish look on his face, Hank-less with a baby monitor in his hand, “I, uh… sorry. I walked in on you there.”
As he moved to turn around, Reid sighed, “It’s fine. I’m just changing into a tee shirt or something. I’m kind of sick of chasing Hank around in business casual.”
Morgan asked simply, “So, are you pissed at me?”
Reid rifled around in his drawer for a shirt, “No.”
Morgan raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure? Because you owe me a punch for what I said back there. Shit, I’d deck myself.”
Reid smirked, glancing over at Morgan as he quickly chose a red tee shirt with Tim the Beaver on it, “Forget it. I know you’re all discombobulated from the fight and the baby and the visitor. You needed a minute between Savannah leaving and Hank crying and me coming in the door. I understand.”
Morgan started, hands raised, “I know, but what I said wasn’t cool, and I want you to know that I don’t look down at you for not being into sports, or… you know.”
Reid slipped the tee shirt over his head, “‘Throwing it back for the baseball captain’?”
Morgan replied, “Yeah. That. I-I mean. You do what you want, and who you want, and that’s totally okay. You know that. I don’t care.”
Reid started to smile as he stuffed his thin arms into the tee shirt, “I know. Neither do I. He was a good time. Could have stood to be rougher though.”
Morgan let out a surprised cough, “You like it rough?”
Reid started to search for a comfy pair of flannel pants, answering casually as he felt pride at turning the tables on Morgan and making him blush for once, “I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”
Morgan smirked, glancing up and down Reid’s face, clearly trying to read it, “Alright. Okay.”
Reid grabbed a pair of purple pajama pants, unbuckling his belt and smirking knowingly, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
Morgan shrugged, “Nothing.”
Reid pulled his belt from his pants, “Okay.”
Morgan stared over at him, nodding slowly, “Well, I… came to apologize. And I did that. And you forgave me? I think?”
Reid unzipped his pants and unbuttoned them, “I did.”
“Cool.” Morgan nodded again as his eyes traveled down Reid’s body, settling on his unbuttoned pants with a dazed loss of concentration coloring his eyes and a heave to his chest as his breath came in just a tad bit deeper, “Cool, cool. Cool, cool, cool, cool.”
Reid glanced back to where Morgan stood at the open door, asking simply as he ducked his head down a bit to catch Morgan’s eye from where it was wandering, “Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“No. Shit, no. It’s--I--I’m chill. Just, uh--” Morgan blinked quickly, accidentally backing himself into the door as Hank’s cries started to echo through the baby monitor in his hand, “Oh! Duty calls.”
“And, so it does.” Reid scratched absently at the back of his neck, feeling the heat from Morgan’s glance as he locked eyes with him. His skin prickled as a blush formed under his tee shirt. They shared another long look, and Reid wished he knew what was going on in Morgan’s mind. He wished he could crack it open like a book and read its contents. But, that man loves to keep things to himself. He’s a multi chambered lock with a safe attached to a bomb with a hair trigger. Maybe Reid doesn’t want to know
Bullshit. Of course he does.
A sudden loud wail came from the monitor in Morgan’s hand, tearing their eyes apart as Morgan straightened up quickly. His large back hit the door frame again and he ran a shy hand over his bald head before holding up the baby monitor, “I gotta… ah… baby.”
“Alright.” Reid answered lightly, chuckling, “Don’t hurt yourself.”
“I-I won’t. You… don’t…” Morgan glared at him before leaving the room. Reid stared at the spot Morgan had stood in for a solid few minutes, watching the empty air as if Morgan were about to suddenly re-materialize and explain what the hell just happened between them. But, as per the laws of biology, the laws of physics, and the laws of Morgan… it looked like that wasn’t going to happen. So, he changed in silence, slipping the pants up his legs and tossing his old clothes into the hamper beside his bed.
In Reid’s mind, Morgan was still glancing at him shyly, eyes trailing down the length of his body as if he were undressing him piece by piece from the door. He could almost feel Morgan’s hands on him in that moment. Unless Reid was losing his mind, Morgan had looked at him like he was already naked in his arms, like he knew what the delicate skin on his neck felt like under his lips, like he knew what his voice would sound like in his ear as he reached climax in his sheets. The look was raw and dirty and revealing, and Reid did not imagine it.
But, does that change anything?
What if Morgan is into him romantically or sexually? It’s not like Morgan would do anything about it. Maybe they’d grow closer -- more emotionally intimate. But, if they did, all Reid would do is fall deeper in love with him. And, if Morgan has feelings, that might hurt them. Or worse, ruin their friendship. They don’t have to act on it, and to be honest, it would be a complete and utter clusterfuck if they did.
Savannah and Morgan would, without a doubt, divorce. And, it would be ugly. Reid already knows that. If she has the capability to say what she said to him this afternoon, then she’ll be more than bloodthirsty when there’s a lawyer involved. And, shit, if her husband cheated on her with his long time friend and part time nanny, she would be completely and totally within her rights to act that way. Then, in the aftermath of that, she’d probably get the house and the baby and half of Morgan’s pension, leaving the man broke and homeless without his son.
Speaking of the baby, what about Hank? He’d start his life with a broken family, two households, and a suitcase every other weekend. His father loves him so much, and while Savannah would probably do an excellent job raising their son, it wouldn’t be fair to Hank to not receive the love of his father on a daily basis. Morgan would rarely see his child, and if Savannah fights for full custody, she would win. Morgan doesn’t have a job, and if he slept around on her and violated her trust, the court would happily vote in her favor.
Knowing what he knows about divorce and the legal system, Morgan’s contact with his son would be limited, which would break Morgan and Hank’s heart. So, was looking into this even worth it? Would racing into Morgan’s bed tonight do any good? Yes, he wants to kiss him, hold him, love him, and provide for him until they both collapse from old age. But Hank.
What about Hank?
---------
By the time Reid padded into the living room in his socks, the baby was napping in the dim lighted living room with Careless Whisper in the background. Morgan was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He seemed to be deep in thought. Wracked with ambivalence. Fuck. This is all Reid’s fault, isn’t it? Morgan’s head popped up as Reid stepped on a creaky place in the carpet. He glanced up at him with bloodshot eyes, letting out a plastic smile, “Hey! Hey, kid. What’s good?”
Reid stayed quiet, making his way into the room on soft feet.
Morgan prattled from the couch, “I was thinking maybe we could make some homemade rattles. We could put Hank in his car seat when he wakes up and head over to the craft store. He’d love the trip out of the house. He hasn’t had many of those.”
Reid continued on his way over to Morgan, saying nothing. Just a few steps away from him now.
“I was thinking we make one out of silicon or something so that it’s easy to wash, and he can use it for his teething and--” Morgan sniffed and his voice remained level as a tear started to trail down his cheek, “--and he could use it to block a bit of sound, you know? Because me and Savi can’t seem to stop fighting, and Hank’s had enough of hearing us go at it. So, the rattle would be sensory and distracting and good for his brain development. I was reading one of the books you left over here last night and they said something about…” Reid finally landed between his legs, standing over him and pulling Morgan’s head into his chest as the older man started to weep. Reid pet his head gently, smoothing his hand over the bald head at his chest. Morgan clung to him like a life raft, burying his sobs in Reid’s old red tee shirt. His breathing picked up quickly. He started to gasp out sharp, inconsistent puffs of air, and his hands pushed Reid away hard for a moment. With the room Reid gave him, Morgan clutched at his chest. His eyes were wide and wet as he struggled to breathe.
Reid started speaking calming quiet words of support and understanding to him, kneeling in front of him as Morgan scrambled for breath. Reid looked up at him with kind eyes, one hand hovering above Morgan’s sweatpant covered knee, careful not to touch him, “It’s okay. You’re okay. You can do it. You’ve got it. It’s alright. Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. You’re fine. Focus on your chest. Deep breath in. Deep breath out. Yes. There it is. Good job. You’re doing good. There you go. Keep it up.”
It was about ten minutes until Morgan’s breath evened out. His face was wet and flushed and he couldn’t stop blinking. Reid kept his thumb above Morgan’s knee, nodding making repetitive motions with his head so that Morgan could focus on it. They didn’t say anything for another minute or so, and when one of them broke the silence, it was Morgan. He uttered quietly, not meeting Reid’s eyes, “Th-thank you.”
Reid smiled weakly, “Don’t worry about it.”
Morgan sniffed out, “Fuck, I’m sorry.” as he wiped at his wet cheeks with his tee shirt, pulling it over his head and burying his face in it as he cleaned himself up.
Reid shook his head, “Don’t be sorry. I get it.”
Morgan sighed, “I know you do.”
Reid asked gently, “Was this the first one in a while?” even though he knew it wasn’t.
“Yeah…” Morgan lied at first and his breathing stuttered with it as he confessed, “No. I, uh… I get them about twice a week.”
Reid kept up with the rubbing, “Do you know what’s triggering them?”
Morgan groaned, leaning his head back and wiping his face again with his shirt before tossing it onto the couch beside him, “God, man, I don’t know. I’m stressed, okay? And, Savannah isn’t helping as much lately because you’re here, so she doesn’t think she has to do as much with Hank -- which is driving me up the fucking wall. And, I can’t bring up that I need help. Oh, God forbid. Because she’s helping. She is. She’s paying the bills and she goes food shopping and keeps her milk in the fridge for Hank, and I get it, you know. She’s tired, and it’s a lot to have a child. Her whole body is different, and her tits are giving her pain and after a long day of work, I’d want to go straight to bed too. So, it’s not like I can say that she’s not doing enough, because she’s doing so much, but it’s like… shit. I’m rambling.”
“I ramble at you all the time. I’m overdue for it back.” Reid smirked, looking up at him with a small sincere smile as he rubbed Morgan’s knee, “Not to keep talking about it, because I know you hate these.”
Morgan started to chuckle, leaning forward and ruffling his long curls, “Well, they’re not fun.”
Reid nudged Morgan with his thumb, “Understatement. So, how do you usually deal with them?”
Morgan shrugged, “When I’m alone, I just take the baby monitor into the bathroom and ride it out.”
Reid asked gently, “And, when you’re not alone?”
Morgan clenched his jaw, “I make myself alone. Take out the trash or sneak into the laundry room to fold clothes so that I have an alibi while I get my shit together.”
Reid let out a disappointed sigh, “Derek.”
Morgan groaned, “I know. I know.”
Reid tapped Morgan’s sweatpant covered knee, “You have to take better care of yourself. If you’re getting these on a consistent basis, you need to talk to Maryanne.”
Morgan hissed, “Ugh fucking Maryanne.”
Reid pushed himself up using Morgan’s knees as an anchor, flopping down on the couch beside him, “I know. She’s not your favorite. But, she’s a professional, and you are still under our insurance. I can take a day off work, watch Hank. And, you can go, have a little chat with her, maybe pick up a prescription if she advises it.”
Morgan shivered with trepidation, narrowing his eyes at Reid, “I hate those pills, Spence. You know I do. They give me weird dreams.”
Reid replied easily, “Well, you’re a father now, so you have to grow up a little bit. If Maryanne recommends them, she’s not fucking around. If you have two attacks a week -- considering you’re not holding back the real numbers -- then, you don’t have a hold on your anxiety.”
Morgan shook his head tiredly, “Yeah, so I get all zen buddha and then wake up screaming in the middle of the night next to my wife who knows the bare minimum of what I used to do for a living? Awesome. Sounds like a peach.”
“She’s your wife . Who else are you going to wake up screaming next to? You’re an ex FBI agent for Christ’s sake. She signed up for you as you are when she put that ring on--” Reid nudged Morgan’s knee as he pulled his up to the couch, “--sorry, I got ya there--” Reid apologized and continued, “Just, think about it, Derek. You deserve to have your head on right. And Hank deserves a healthy father. Go work on it, okay. Talk to your wife when she comes back. And, schedule an appointment with Maryanne. And, you know what, get up. Get up.”
Morgan asked in confusion as Reid pushed his shoulders, standing warily, “What? Why?”
Reid answered, “Because you’re going to go to bed and take a nap. And I’m going to make you some tea before I wake up Hank and keep him busy.”
Morgan started to chuckle, “I’m not taking a fucking--”
Reid sent Morgan a stern glare, and watched as Morgan quickly felt the power of it, nodding his head quickly with agreement, “Okay. Okay, yeah. Fine. I’ll nap.”
“You’re going to take care of yourself. You’re gonna get some rest. You’re going to take a shower when you get up and put on some clean clothes.” Reid said, standing and ushering Morgan out of the living room and into the hallway, one hand at Morgan’s lower back as he guided him, “Don’t worry about the baby. Don’t worry about dinner. Don’t worry about the house. Just go to bed.” When they reached Morgan’s room, Reid opened the door and pushed him in a little.
Morgan glanced at the unmade bed warily, looking back at Reid, “But, there’s still so much to do.”
Reid folded his arms, “Like what?”
Morgan sighed, “I have to organize the mail and clean the playpen and take the new diapers upstairs from the garage and wash some of Hank’s onesies and tidy the bathroom and feed Hank dinner and give him a bath.”
Reid smiled genuinely, patting Morgan’s cheek, “Well, I have a Type-A personality and loved that list. It’ll all be done before 9pm.”
Morgan complained, “But, I can’t ask you to do all of that.”
“You’re not.” Reid said simply, pushing Morgan further into the room until the back of Morgan’s knees hit the edge of the bed. Reid pushed him one more time into the bed.
Morgan sat there, looking sheepishly at his hands, “You don’t have to help me with this. I signed up to be a father and a husband. I should be able to handle--”
Reid cut him off, “Derek, you’re not Superman. You’re a human being. And, you need a break. Take one.”
Finally, Morgan looked up at Reid and caught his eyes, teeming with shame and disappointment in himself.
Reid gripped Morgan’s shoulder, saying sternly, “You’re my friend. And I love you. And I want to do this.”
Morgan chuckled emotionlessly, punching Reid’s chest with a gentle, boyish shrug, “Thanks.”
“Sleep. That’ll be thanks enough.” Reid said with a smirk as he made his way out of the bedroom. He grabbed the doorknob and started to close the door behind him. Just as it was about to shut, Reid heard Morgan’s voice say quietly, “Spencer?”
Reid cracked the door open and answered, “Yeah?”
Morgan responded, “You know when I said you’d make a great dad?”
Reid nodded, giving Morgan an eyeroll, “I remember.”
Morgan smiled weakly from where he sat on his bed, “You’d make a great husband too.”
Reid winked, “Well, unless you’re up for tri-weekly late night trips to the library, ugly socks on the floor, and mediocre sex, I’d reconsider.”
Morgan let out his first genuine laugh of the night. It was hearty and loud and full of surprise. His eyes squinted shut and his smile was as big and bright as the sun. As Morgan shook his head, he replied, “Mediocre?”
Reid shrugged, raising his index finger to make a point, “‘ That’s it, are you serious ?’ is a direct quote from my last partner, so I’d say ‘mediocre’ is pretty generous.”
Morgan laughed heavily, gasping out, “Aww, no. I’m so sorry.”
“Alright, you know what.” Reid closed the door as he chuckled, “You don’t sound sorry, so…”
He could hear Morgan laughing harder from the other side of the door, most likely slapping the bedside drawer as he tried to compose himself.
----
Juggling a baby and all of those tasks seems easy in theory, but oh, Lord, is it a whole other animal when you’re doing it yourself. Reid finished sorting the mail and bringing the diapers up from the garage by the time he had to wake Hank. If he let the baby sleep any longer, he wouldn’t go down when it was time to sleep. So, Reid had to keep Hank’s mind stimulated, but also had to do laundry, tidy the bathroom, and start dinner, and -- fuck! Morgan’s tea.
With the baby strapped to his chest in his little carrier, Reid headed to the kitchen and put a teapot on to boil before heading across the hall to get Hank’s dirty clothes and load the washing machine. Turns out, Hank is terrified of the washing machine. Which means that Reid has to put Hank in his playpen and go back downstairs to do it alone with the baby monitor. The second Reid put him down, Hank started crying. Reid picked him back up and spoke softly to him for a second, bouncing him in a way that made the baby comfortable. Hank rested his head on Reid’s chest and started to make his little cooing baby noises, which were beyond adorable. Reid kissed his forehead and set Hank down in the playpen. Before he could lock it, Hank started crying again. Reid apologized to the baby, who couldn’t yet understand him, and decided to keep holding Hank so that he doesn’t get upset and wake his father. Reid can do laundry after he goes to sleep. Except, shit. Hank doesn’t have any clean pajamas. Great. Reid decided to clean one of Hank’s pajamas by hand in the bathroom that wasn’t clean yet. Shit.
Reid sighed. One more thing to do that he hasn’t done yet. It’s okay. It’s fine. It’s fine. Reid can do that later. After the baby goes to sleep as well, of course, because Hank’s tiny lungs shouldn’t be anywhere near bleach. Well, Morgan did just say ‘tidy’, not clean. But, if Reid’s going to help, he’s going to help . That bathroom will be spotless. Hank giggled as Reid strolled down the stairs to the laundry room, bouncing with every step. Reid smiled. Baby Hank had such a cute little laugh. Eww, Hank’s hands were wet. He must be putting them in his mouth again. Gross. Wait. Oh, no. Hank’s teething, so he’s probably biting them. No, no, no, no. Reid put the onesie in the dryer before it made that noise that Hank hates, rushing up the steps to get his teething ring as Hank started to make that tune up whine he makes before he cries.
As soon as he cleared the basement, Hank’s whines stopped. He was just fussy now. And, that’s cool. Fussy, Reid can handle. As he walked back into the kitchen, the teapot went off. Loud. At a really high pitch. Hank. Freaked. Out . Reid snatched the teapot off of the heat, turning it off as Hank started bawling out his tears, pounding his fists around and wailing. Reid tried to comfort him, taking him out of the carrier and walking around the kitchen, holding him in his arms and patting his back, “Oh, no, kiddo! It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s just the teapot--”
Hank cut Reid off with a loud shriek.
Morgan came bursting into the kitchen, with wide, bleary eyes and his hands open for the baby as he hurried into the kitchen. He grabbed Hank from Reid and pulled him into his arms and holding him close, asking Reid worriedly, “Is he okay? What’s wrong?”
Reid balled his hands up into fists at his side, almost stamping his feet in disappointment. Morgan was awake, Hank was screaming, almost none of the chores were done. Yeah. Great dad, great husband. Reid replied sternly, “The teapot went off, and--”
Morgan sighed as he shook his head slowly, “Teapot? Reid.”
Reid nodded, “Of course. I know now that I’m thinking about it. It just didn’t say in any of the books that I couldn’t use one, so I just figured it would be fine, and then when it went off, it was just so loud and sudden, and Hank started freaking out, and then you woke up and--”
Morgan started to smirk, “Not so easy, is it?”
Reid let out a wary breath, “It’s barely been an hour, and I already suck.”
Morgan stated easily as he calmed the baby, “Hey, you don’t suck. You made it an hour before Hank started screaming. He’s usually a two person job. Trust me. It’s a good start. The average time between Hank’s freak outs used to be ten minutes, so you get like a gold medal.”
Reid held his hands out to the quieting baby, “Whatever.”
Morgan held Hank closer, “I had a nice nap. An hour is kind of excessive, don’t you think? Any longer would be like… hibernation.”
Reid glared at him, turning to the stove to grab the teapot, “Hand over the baby.”
Morgan watched as Reid went through the third cupboard on the upper right to get two mugs out for the tea, “No way, dude. You’ve got weird energy.”
Reid grumbled, placing lemon tea bags into the bottom of both mugs and pouring the hot water in, letting them steep, “I do not have ‘weird energy’. I’m just jumbled.”
“Yeah, and Hank can tell. He can always tell.” Morgan gave Reid a playful look, “I’ve trained my boy to smell fear.”
Reid passed over a snort of annoyance as he turned and folded his arms, “I’m not afraid, so…”
Morgan smirked, “Well, I was in the bathroom washing my hands when you were, no doubt, taking Hank to the laundry room -- which he hates, by the way -- and I couldn’t help but notice the bathroom isn’t looking right yet.”
Reid raised Morgan’s point with his eyebrow, “Why were you washing your hands?”
Morgan replied, “Because I was jerking it. Duh.”
Reid sighed, “I really thought I’d have to make you tell me that, and you’d be super embarrassed and back down and support me taking the baby back, but then I realized that… I’m talking to you.”
Morgan winked, “Oh, yeah. Since you insisted on leaving me alone, I decided to take my time. Really went in on myself. I’m surprised you didn’t hear anything.”
Reid rolled his eyes for a solid few seconds and pulled the baby out of Morgan’s hands, “You’re gross.”
Morgan started to grin haughtily, “You’re welcome for whatever mental picture I just gave you. I mean, I know I’m spank bank material for anyone with eyes.”
Reid turned to the fridge, “If I could roll my eyes that hard twice in a row without giving myself a headache, I promise I would.”
“Well, Spence?” Morgan yawned as he held Hank closer.
Reid asked as he grabbed a couple of tomatoes and spinach out of the fruits and veggies compartment at the bottom of the fridge, “Yeah?”
Morgan let out a sleepy grin, “Your butt looks nice in pj pants.”
“Aww, there’s the well-rested Derek I know.” Reid found some mozzarella, Parmesan, and chicken, “Sounds like you had a good nap.”
Morgan added as he soothed Hank, “Hell yeah, I did. I napped so good I didn’t even dream. Honestly, I blacked out for most of it. It was great.”
Reid smirked as he set some food on the counter and closed the refrigerator, heading to the teapot to pour them a few heaping mug fulls of lemon tea. They sat and chatted for a bit as Morgan calmed Hank’s cries down to a gentle tussle, sipping their tea and winding down. Morgan and Reid both decided that they would clean after Hank goes to bed. Reid will be on Hank duty while he cooks and Morgan does the laundry. Then, they’ll meet in the middle to feed Hank and give him his bath. Afterward, Morgan will put him to bed and Reid will start on the bathroom. Morgan will join him, and they should be done everything in time for Saturday Night Live.
Needless to say, it was better to have help. With the right time management and full understanding of the way Hank operates, Reid could have managed on his own that night. But, he didn’t want to. It was fun to have Morgan around, and even though Reid could see through his pleasant, upbeat act, that didn’t make it any less special.
Morgan was going through some shit as a father, and whether he would admit it or not, he needed help. He also needed Reid. Morgan’s more stressed than ever, but Reid can see the impact that he has on Morgan. They way his eyes lit up when dinner was finished, the way he grinned when he walked upstairs with the onesie that Reid hand washed earlier, the way he looked at Reid when he held Hank’s bottle and fed him in his arms, the way he laughed when Hank splashed Reid in the face during his bath, the glances Morgan gave him around the bathroom sink as Reid scrubbed the tub. They were a good team. Sure, they weren’t co-parents, but they were family still. Reid loved Hank and Morgan, and Morgan loved Hank and Reid, and Hank loved the both of them to pieces. While it wasn’t perfect - Morgan with his stress management and Reid with his ignorance to infant care - it was a damn good fit.