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Izumi wasn't obvious about it like Abe was. In fact, as far as anyone could tell, Izumi was as straight as Abe was ridiculously gay for Mihashi. Izumi was excellent at appearing Totally Normal. Abe was very, very Not.
For the first year, the feeling wasn't there at all. Izumi figured his protective urges over Mihashi were sympathy from little brother to "little brother," the way in which Izumi secretly percieved him on account of the way Abe and Tajima treated Mihashi. Considered these urges to be Totally Normal Feelings.
He wanted to smack Abe every time he hissed at Mihashi to not get his fingers hit. Brought Mihashi ice packs when Tajima kicked the soccer ball into Mihashi's face in athletics. Wanted to scream "Just let the boy eat!" when Abe tried to decide what Mihashi should and shouldn't be eating out of the bento from his mother. Was this close to wringing Tajima's neck when he dared Mihashi to take his skateboard (that he had stolen from his older brother) down the Very Steep Hill two blocks from the school.
Would have, if Abe hadn't stepped in wring his neck first.
But when the second year began, he realized it was a little more than that. He actually wanted Mihashi's attention. Wanted Mihashi to focus on him as much as he focused on Mihashi. And almost threw up after the first time he jerked off to the thought of Mihashi trembling and squirming underneath him.
Yeah, he had resigned, this had nothing to do with the "little brother" excuse anymore.
So he was gay. Okay. He could handle that.
But much less bearable was watching Mihashi give all his attention, his adorable, obedient, platonic attention, to Abe. To Abe, who was clearly not having platonic thoughts, based on the way his eyes lingered on Mihashi when he changed, stared a bit when Mihashi's rear-end was on his eye level, spent too much time with his hands on Mihashi's back when they stretched. (Not that Izumi was going to fault him for that, anyway, considering he wasn't a shining example of pure thoughts himself.)
Everyone on the team knew it- knew Abe was gay for Mihashi.
Everyone except Mihashi.
Izumi was kind of a dick. He was a dick, and he was not as obvious as Abe was. He thought Abe was an idiot. Didn't deserve Mihashi, not when he was stupid enough to be that obvious and not have the balls to ever do anything about it. Not when all he did was make Mihashi cower and obey. And sometimes win games, he admitted.
It was June, and Izumi couldn't do anything without thinking of Mihashi now. Thinking of kissing him, squeezing his tight little ass. Izumi wanted to stretch with Mihashi after practice, go home together and have dinner. Play video games a little before bed, then fall asleep next to one another, talking about what an idiot Mizutani was.
Because Izumi was kind of a dick, he figured, if Abe was never going to make a move, he would.
They had won their fifth game of the Summer Tournament. After practice that night, Izumi found Mihashi timidly explaining something to Abe. The latter had that not-going-to-react-well look on his face, and saw his chance. Just as Abe opened his mouth to yell, Izumi jumped in between them, asked non-chalantly to borrow Mihashi, and yanked him halfway to the club room before Abe could form a word of protest.
"I...zumi...kun...you...?"
"Don't call me -kun, Mihashi," He huffed.
"Y...yeah..." Mihashi said. "W...where are we...um...?"
Izumi stopped, looked briefly at Mihashi and then around at the surroundings. They were not at the club room, actually, they were somewhere behind it. Alone.
"Oh, well, I guess this is okay. Just... I want to ask you...something..." Izumi began. Then he caught Mihashi's nervous, bright eyes, and his chest tightened up.
Turns out, he hadn't actually thought through how this was going to work. Just that he was going to get Mihashi away from Abe, and ask him out.
Hmm.
In fact, the only time he'd played the situation out, they'd been making out by the end.
So he went with that.
Mihashi's whole body froze against Izumi's kiss. Izumi didn't find that particularly surprising- Mihashi was a big wound-up bundle of nerves, after all, and did not expect to be kissed by a teammate, probably. But when Mihashi didn't unfreeze, even after about thirty-five seconds of kissing and an experimental dart of a tongue over the pitcher's lower lip, Izumi's heart almost stopped.
Slowly, he separated their lips and leaned back, taking in Mihashi's expression.
Terror.
Suddenly Mihashi exhaled all at once, doubled over a bit and coughed, as if he'd been holding his breath throughout the entire kiss.
Which he had been.
"Mihashi, you have to breathe through your nose when you do that!" Izumi offered, hand against his forhead.
"S...sorry..." Mihashi coughed.
"Don't be...well...I mean, if we just practice a bit, you'll..."
"Izumi..." Mihashi interruped, voice very, very sad, all of a sudden.
This time Izumi froze.
"I'm...sorry...but I don't...want to..." he paused, trying to look Izumi in the face, but failing. "Not..." Mihashi swallowed hard, looking at the ground, "Not with...a boy..."
Izumi felt his heart wrench inside his chest.
He hadn't accounted for rejection.
Why...hadn't he?
"You... Mihashi...I...I like..."
Mihashi shook his head, tears in his eyes.
"I'm s...sorry."
They both jumped when they heard Abe's voice shouting Mihashi's name in the distance. Of course Abe wouldn't be far away, why would he let Mihashi out of his sight for more than five minutes? Izumi tried hard not to tremble.
"Y...you only like girls, Mihashi?" Izumi bit out.
Mihashi nodded. Repeated that he was sorry.
Izumi knew it wasn't something he should be apologizing for, being normal. Having normal attractions. But he didn't say so. Abe's voice drew closer.
Izumi turned around, away from Mihashi.
"Go..." Izumi hiccuped.
"I-" Mihashi began.
"Go, Mihashi," he repeated. "Please." Izumi sniffled, couldn't hide the shaking any more.
"Mihashi, what are you doing?" Abe said as he turned the corner.
"N..noth-" Mihashi began, then reconsidered his words. "I... just...talking to Izumi..." he said.
Izumi could feel Abe's eyes on him, shivered. Knew the look he was getting without turning around.
"Go and change out of your sweaty clothes before you catch cold." Izumi heard Abe smack Mihashi's back gently, prompting him to move ahead.
"Izumi?"
"I'll be over in...a minute," Izumi replied, quietly and with a feigned laugh. Batted his hand at them while still turned away.
He heard Mihashi start walking away, but didn't feel Abe's gaze leave him. He turned to catch Abe shaking his head a little, as if disappointed.
When Abe, too, stepped away, Izumi crumpled.
This whole time, he was mocking Abe, convinced he was stupid for not pursuing Mihashi. But Izumi was the stupid one.
What Izumi didn't understand was that Abe was simply close enough to Mihashi to already know his feelings wouldn't be accepted.
Izumi cried. He cried hard. Wasn't back in a minute. Wasn't back in ten. Took him eighteen minutes to stop sobbing.
He felt embarrassed. Ashamed. Naked. What would he do tomorrow? How would he face Mihashi? Abe? Himself?
How would he carry himself while carrying the fresh wound of rejection?
He cried for a few more minutes, then picked himself up and went to the clubroom to change, face still red, but assured that no one would be there to see it, not this late after practice.
But as he approached the door, he saw someone standing by it, waiting. Didn't look up when he got close, but could tell it was Mizutani.
They met eyes briefly before Izumi went in. Mizutani didn't follow him inside. Just waited, leaning against the wall under a flickering lightbulb.
When Izumi came back out, Mizutani was still waiting, earbuds in his ears, but obviously not playing any music.
"What are you doing?" Izumi asked, voice a little hoarse as he spun the numbers on the lock on the door.
"Waiting for you," he said.
"What for?" Izumi sighed back, turning to walk away.
Mizutani followed.
"Sucks to be alone after something sad happens to you," he said, turning his mp3 player on, volume high enough to appear disinterested enough for them to walk in silence, but low enough to hear Izumi if he actually wanted to talk.
Which he didn't, and Mizutani knew that anyway.
Because someone payed as much attention to Izumi as Izumi did to Mihashi.
And he wasn't obvious either.