Archive of Our Own

Jungkook is pretty much the strongest in the group, all the other members are practically scared of being thrown across the room by him. But strength doesn't always apply to the physical aspect.  

BTS was currently going over vocal lessons and in particular, Jungkook was writing down notes and corrections for his upcoming special stage. Jungkook was the lead role of this performance covering Rainism for an opening ceremony. It hasn't been announced to the public yet but Jungkook is through the roof right now. The moment he was told about his role, he jumped on his hyungs who were just as excited. 

"Working hard Jungkookie?" 

Jungkook looked up from his stool and Namjoon was right next to him smiling at him. His dimples were prominent. 

"Yeah hyung! I want this to be perfect!" He smiled widely  

Namjoon placed a hand on Jungkook's shoulder without removing his own smile. He was proud to see Jungkook work for this performance. It made him think, ah, I did a good job raising this one. But he quickly shook the thought out of his head since he was sounding like a 50-year-old. 

"Ah, Jungkook, that reminds me. The choreographer was wondering if you wanted us to join you for this performance. Of course, it's totally okay of you don't. The stage is all yours anyways."  

"It's cool Jungkook-ah! We don't want to learn new choreography!" Jin yelled from his stool which was at the end. 

"Speak for yourself! I think this dance will make me look so sexy" Taehyung got up and started doing silly "sexy" poses which made Jin laugh hard.  

The singer furrowed his eyebrows with a confused look. "You guys weren't supposed to be in it?" 

"Well yeah, it's called SOLO stage for a reason" Yoongi came from behind with tired eyes, placing his chin on Jungkook's head. 

"Of course, I want you guys to be with me. I'd probably panic without you guys." 

"What are you talking about, you perform Begin just fine" Yoongi countered with a chuckle. 

"I don't know, this is different. Plus seeing Namjoon-hyung dance to this will be the highlight of my day" he gives an evil laugh. 

"You little brat!" Namjoon swats Jungkook with a folded paper. 

~♡~ 

"Oh! Jungkookie!" Jimin cheers while Jungkook goes over the dance with Hoseok and Taehyung. Jimin was recording from his phone so he can post on twitter later on.  

Jungkook and the others pretty much picked up the dance fairly quickly. It wasn't anything too hard compared to the other dances they did. The only thing that Jungkook stumbled on was the cane part. 

"Ah, this part..." Jungkook sighed while picking up the cane. "I swear if I drop this one more time I'm gonna break this in half..." 

"Whoa now, that's Joon's job" Hoseok patted Jungkook's back. 

"Why don't you let me live?!" Namjoon complained. 

Hoseok purposely ignored Namjoon's response, laughing making the leader whine even more. 

"How about we just skip the rest of the choreography and just focus on that part specifically. Just for today?"  

Jungkook looks up with a smile "Yeah okay". He was glad he listened to Hoseok because in a matter of time, he finally got that part down. The dance was complete and the members had a blast practicing it.  

Getting back to their dorms, everyone spread out to do their own things respectively. Jin went to take a shower while Suga and Hoseok decided to go to the kitchen and cook something up for the others. Taehyung went to the couch laying on Namjoon's lap to play video games. Jungkook was sitting on the other side of the couch watching Taehyung's game being played when Jimin came up to him and sat closely next to him. He had a worried look on his face and Jungkook was starting took get concerned.  

"Jimin-hyung what's wrong?" 

"Jungkook-ah, I'm sorry I posted the video on twitter..." he looks down at the floor with a guilty expression. 

Jungkook looked at him very confused. So confused that he had a hard time forming words. It was almost laughable to how ridiculous his Hyung sounded but he didn't want to laugh since Jimin looked so upset. 

"Why are you apologizing about that. You always post stuff on twitter" he tried smiling at him but abruptly got a phone shoved on his face. He looked and noticed there were a lot of likes and retweets. "Hyung now you're just confusing me... This looks great!" 

Jimin looked up at him and for some reason, Jungkook instantly knew what to do and scrolled down to the comments. 

Why is Jungkook the center again?  

The others look like his back up dancers! Totally not fair! 

I'm so tired of Jungkook taking all the spotlight. Give the others a chance! 

He's so annoying... Thinking he can just take over when he's the youngest.. 

Jungkook clearly had hurt in his eyes. Surely, he not trying to take over anything, he just wanted to take the opportunity with the other members... 

"Jungkook-ah, are you okay?" Jimin looked like he was going to cry with the guilt not wavering at all. "I could delete it if you want..." 

Jungkook sighed and smiled at Jimin. "No Hyung it's okay. It doesn't bother me, really." What a lie. "It happens a lot, I'm used to it! Besides, look at all the other comments, they're so encouraging!" Jungkook scooted over closer showing Jimin excited ARMY comments. Jimin weakly smiled and gave Jungkook a tight side hug. He was hurt to hear Jungkook say "I'm used to it". It's sad to see their maknae get so much hate for nothing. Of course, they received their fair share but Jungkook always get hits hard for something so unreasonable. He remembers Jungkook alone in the bathroom a few years ago. He was staring blankly at his phone accidently getting caught by Jin. I'm fine Hyung, really. It happens. Jungkook gets hate for being the main vocal, being the center of the dance, or just having the most lines out of the others in songs. Jungkook never admits it but the others know how much he hurts over the hate he gets. He even cut off his communication on twitter just to avoid any more hate. They never really confronted him about it because this seems like it fuels his fire to work harder than ever. It breaks their heart but there are just some things you can't change. 

Jimin looks up at Namjoon and Taehyung who had the same worried/upset expressions on their face. Jungkook is too strong. Kookie, please let us be your Hyungs for once. Cry to use if you have to... You don't have to do it alone... Is something Jimin wants to say but knows that would upset Jungkook. 

"Don't worry about it Hyung. The show is going to be great!" Jungkook got up to head to the shower after he saw Jin leave from the bathroom. He wasn't lying though, he truly believed that the show would go great and was too excited to focus on antis bickering about him. He won't let that ruin his day with his hyungs. 

~♡~ 

It was the day of the opening ceremony and the members were getting swarmed with stylists and cameras recording their behind the stage videos. Jimin and Jin were fooling around with the camera while Taehyung, J-hope, and Jungkook went over their parts since they appear first.  

"Ah, I'm so nervous" Jungkook was swinging his cane around. 

"You're gonna be great Kookie. Just make sure to do that famous sexy look you do" Taehyung grinned which made Jungkook embarrassed rather than nervous.  

They were called to head out to the stage and get ready for their performance. Yoongi had to miss out because he injured his ear but he assured the others that it was nothing to worry about.  

All went well in the performance. Jungkook even did the cane part perfectly which was what he dreaded. He could hear the screams of ARMY which made him relax and made everyone's energy 10x stronger. Backstage, everyone was huffing, drenched with sweat but happy.  

"Oh J-hooope! Looking good!" Taehyung cheered while they watched the recording of them on stage. 

"Yeah, wow Hobi-hyung you look awesome!" Jungkook grinned slapping Hoseok in the shoulder. Hoseok was bright red, trying to hide his face and smile. He always gets flustered when the other members fawn over him but it makes him so happy. This just made the others laugh and Hoseok yelling at them to stop. Which wasn't going to happen since his face was turning into a stronger shade of red.  

Jungkook was so happy to see the crowd and hearing the cheers. For some reason, something inside him told him that he was going to hear people booing at him but that wasn't the case. I need to stop over reacting... With that, BTS ended their day on a high note. 

~♡~  

"Hobi I swear to god if you wake me up again, I will end your life." Yoongi growled from his bed while Hoseok ran out of Jin and Yoongi's shared room laughing. It was almost a week after the performance. The members had a day off today which was rare coming from their hectic schedules recently. They had time to rest up their bodies and also catch up on some chores they've been neglecting to do. 

"Is this how you do it?" Taehyung opened a bottle of detergent and poured it in the wash machine. 

"WH- No! You have to measure it!" Jimin scolded while snatching the bottle away from him. "Oh my god Tae do you want the whole room to be filled with bubbles?" 

"...What would happen if I said yes..."  

Jimin did an exasperated sigh while Jungkook laughed with Taehyung. "It's okay, I'll do the laundry. That way Tae won't destroy our dorm." And so, he did. He insisted that the other two should go rest since they have the day off. He sat there comfortably watching the clothes spin round and round. The subtle sound of the vibration from the washing machine relaxed him.  

Eventually, he decided to look through his phone.  

"What th-..." He searched through his pockets and looked around. "Where the heck is my phone..." He got up and looked around some more with no luck. What he did find in the other hand was Taehyung's phone sitting on another chair next to him. Jungkook made a mischievous grin and picked up his phone. "Tae wouldn't mind if I used his phone now would he." He hummed and unlocked his phone. His password really wasn't that hard. 

Jungkook immediately noticed that the twitter app had a lot of notifications. He wouldn't have known since he deleted the app from his phone. Jungkook was a bit reluctant to open the app but his curiosity spiked when he realized that there should be some pictures of them from their last performance. His thoughts proved him right. 

"Oh cool! Everyone looks so handsome!" He started kicking his legs with joy looking through the photos. He was really impressed with some of the fan photos. How are they not photographers? He laughed really hard when he came across Jimin's photo. He looks very serious and Jungkook couldn't help laughing because of it.  

He opened up a post that had only him on focus and blushed. He didn't realize that his finger accidently swiped up and so he saw some of the comments. He loved their fanbase because ARMY was always able to make him laugh with their memes and such. What was different this time was the lack of that and more hashtags. At first, he didn't understand until he kept rolling through to see the similar hashtags pop up. 

Jungkook need to get out of BTS. They would be so much better without him! 

OT6! Jungkook needs to rot! 

I feel so bad for the others they work so hard for nothing... 

The comments go on and on...  

JungkookLeaveBTS!    

Why do you want me to leave what did I do? 

Jungkook is so overrated   

I don't think so...The hyungs are far more better than me. I have a lot to learn from them... 

He's not even that special...   

You're right, I'm not... 

Jungkook kept looking through the comments. He wanted to stop but for some reason he couldn't. At one point he decided that maybe it was only that post that had a lot of hate and so he went to a group photo of them. He was crushed to find people posting photos of him being crossed out or cropped out entirely. The same hashtags popped up to a point where he couldn't really see the ARMY's comments. Just hate. 

It hurts 

He shouldn't be affected by it. His hyungs go through so much. they struggle through the hate. He saw Namjoon break down one time from the threats he got, Yoongi was torn in the inside when he had controversy flying around, Jin was bullied online for his dance skills, Jimin was always self-conscious of his body image because of the bad comments he received before, J-hope and Taehyung were no different. Although they had had so much backlash, they fought through and they don't even care about it anymore. They're so strong and Jungkook loved that about them. He wanted to be strong too. He doesn't want to bother them with small stuff like this. 

It hurts 

He has to work harder. He should be used to this. This is nothing new. He always gets hate. He usually numbs himself from these types of situation so he decided to do nothing different. Ignoring his problems usually helped. He knows he can't ask his hyungs, he's not weak.  

It hurts so bad 

He blankly looks at the phone. Motionless. Not motivated to do anything. He just stares and stares until he a tug on his shoulder. 

"-ook, Jungkook!"  

Jungkook quickly looks up turning off Taehyung's phone with slight panic. It was Yoongi looking at him with squinted eyes, as if he was going to raise a question, but he didn't.  

"The laundry is done..."  

"Ah, you're right!" He laughed nervously while getting up to open the wash machine. He was extremely nervous. Not only did he feel like he was going to throw up from the number of things running through his head, He felt a pair of eyes staring at the back of his head. He tried to carry on, picking up the soggy clothes and putting it in the dryer but he was trembling so much that he was afraid Yoongi would see. Why was he still there anyways?  

"Jungkook"  

Jungkook froze. His eyes were opened so wide that they could practically pop out of his sockets.  

"Taehyung was looking for his phone, do you have it?" 

Jungkook quickly turned around and picked up Taehyung's phone. "Oh, sorry hyung, I had it with me. I guess he forgot it here while he attempted to do laundry aha" Jungkook handed the phone over while laughing weakly. At this point he was fighting back tears.  

"Yeah... Thanks." Yoongi ruffled Jungkook's hair and walked away.  

Jungkook felt like he held his breath in for decades because he just did the biggest sigh of his life. He hoped to god that Yoongi didn't see the way he trembled, or how pale his face got, or how glassy his eyes were. He hoped that he still thought that he was strong. To that, the continued doing the laundry with his heart in shambles. 

Yoongi was pretty observant. He sees when something is wrong with his members fairly quickly and he acts pretty quick as well, but for this case he was at a loss. He was confused because he never saw their maknae so empty before. He looked like an empty shell, as if he wasn't in this world anymore. it almost terrified Yoongi. Jungkook not responding to his calls wasn't helping either. So instead he made up an excuse of "The laundry is done.." instead of the real reason why he came to him. Wow yoongi, you're so smart. He kept thinking that and was beating himself for it. He was walking down the hall with Taehyung's phone in his hand and he quickly halted. Wait... 

Yoongi unlocked Taehyung's phone and what he saw was a bunch of comments about Jungkook on twitter, and none of them were good. He huffed while looking back from where he came. He really was considering going back to the youngest but decided that he should get someone else to help him. He wasn't the best with words of comfort. Yoongi stepped in the living room to give Taehyung's phone back who was throwing pillows on the ground and looking in between the cracks of the couch. 

"Yoongi-hyuuuuuung! My savior!" He leaps into Yoongi's arms while the older grunted. "Where was it?" 

"That laundry room. Jungkook had it" 

Jimin added in, "Oh! That makes a lot of sense" Jimin was helping Taehyung find his phone and was currently placing the pillow's back on the couch.  

"By the way, I think something's bothering Jungkook. He looked...really off when I saw him" 

"What?" Jimin and Taehyung almost said this both simultaneously. 

Yoongi unlocked Taehyung's phone, making Taehyung take a mental note to change his password, and showed them both the comments on twitter.  

"I think he was looking through the comments" 

Jimin gasped and took the phone out of Yoongi's hand. 

"Whoa..." That was all that could come out of Taehyung. He's seen anti's come at them a lot but not to this extent. He looked as Jimin frantically looked through picture to picture, seeing all different types of disgusting words and trending hashtags.  

"This is terrible...Why do they keep coming back for him?" Jimin didn't want to look anymore and gave Taehyung his phone back. 

"He wasn't supposed to see this... Now I know why he uninstalled twitter from his phone" Taehyung was mad at himself for letting his phone with Jungkook. 

"I'm gonna go talk to him" Jimin looked up at Yoongi with a determined face. 

"You know, I thought he handled these kinds of stuff pretty well. He always says he's fine with it" Taehyung scratched the back of his head. 

Jimin and Yoongi both gave a face that basically said "Really?" Written all over. 

Taehyung sighs, "Right... Because he wouldn’t tell us in the first place..." 

Yoongi nodded. Right when Jimin was going to head out, Jungkook walks in the living room making his way through and sat near the front door entrance to put on his shoes. "I'm going out Hyungs! I'll be back before dark" 

"Wait, Jungkook-ah. We wanted to talk to you for a sec" Jimin saw Jungkook's shoulders tense up and he knows that it was visible enough for the rest to see that as well. 

"I- Sorry hyung, I don't want to waste any more time since the sun is kind of setting already" Jungkook quickly stood up and turned around to smile at the 3. "The clothes are in the dryer, make sure you fold them!" He opened the door and quickly shut the door. 

"Wait Jung- ugh..." Yoongi facepalmed with frustration. 

"Don't worry, we'll talk to him when he comes back. He can't avoid us forever" 

~♡~  

Jungkook wanted to step out for some fresh air. Maybe stop by the gym while he's at it. The sun was close to setting which made the sky have a fine golden color that marked the upcoming hours of night. The weight on his chest lessened but didn’t completely go away. He felt all the emotions bubbling up from inside him wanting come out. All his problems that he's been holding back from the others. It was a good thing that he left the dorms because he didn't know how much he could hold back being in front of the members. He wanted to cry but stopped himself. Crying about this seemed too stupid to him. He didn't know where he was going, but he didn't care. He felt nothing. Just fake nothingness. 

Without even realizing it, he stood at the door of the gym. He didn't realize that he was unconsciously walking there himself and so he just went with it. 

"I have to stay in shape anyways... I can disappoint the fans.." As he told that to himself while walking to the machines some of the comments popped up in his head.  

He's gotten fatter... 

Jungkook felt something tight on his chest again. Like a heavy weight pressing down on him. He quickly went to a treadmill and ran. He ran faster every time another comment flies through his head. He doesn't want to let anyone down anymore. He's dragging the team down. Maybe he should leave because of how much of a nuisance he is to the others. Man, he felt sorry for the others to have put up with him. He kept running to a point where he lost sense of time.  

He eventually stopped when he felt like his muscles were going to give out. Having a hard time catching his breath, he looked up at a nearby clock hanging on the wall. 

11:20 

He didn't even realize how long he's been running but god did he need it. His whole body was aching and he felt like he could barely walk. He took out his phone and saw multiple text messages from the hyungs. 

--- 

6:00 ChimChim: Kookie? Where are you? It's already dark, please come back! 

6:25 ChimChim: You're going to miss out on your favorite food~ Tae is gonna eat it all if you don't come back now! 

8:00 ChimChim: Okay Jungkook, you're starting to worry us... 

--- 

8:47 Tae: We're gonna start hunting you down if you don't come home soon brat! 

--- 

9:05 EatJin: Jungkookie it's getting really dark outside, come back soon alright? 

--- 

10:00 Leader-hyung: Jeon Jungkook you better have a good explanation for this, it's already 10. It's not safe out. 

Jungkook winced. He felt a sharp pain in his chest and started to get a headache. Crap... I forgot to tell them where I was going... I can't do anything right, now can I? Jungkook quickly headed out of the gym trying to ignore his headache and walked home in a fast pace. When he got up to the stairs his breathing started to quicken. He knew that one he opened those doors; the others would give him disappointed looks and probably lecture him.  

He hesitantly headed up the stairs and unlocked the door to the dorms. To his surprise, it was dark when he opened it. When he took off his shoes and walked through the living room he sank down on the couch closing his eyes. He should take a shower but for now he just wants to rest his eyes for a little bit. 

"Jungkook?" 

Jungkook quickly looks up and see's Hoseok coming out from his and Jimin's shared room. 

"Jungkookie, are you back?" it was hard to see given the fact that the only light that was in the room was from the moon. 

Jungkook turned on the lampshade next to the couch and sees his hyung half-awake looking very dazed at the moment. 

"Hobi-hyung you should go back to bed, it's already past 12..." 

"Where were you. You were out for so long" Hoseok maneuvered around the low table and sat next to Jungkook on the couch. 

"Ew... And you smell like sweat too..." Despite the fact that he said that, he rested his head on Jungkook's shoulder and for some reason Jungkook felt slightly less tense. 

There was a short pause. "Sorry hyung..I was at the gym.."  

"For that long?! Jeez Jungkook what kind of muscle pig are you?" There was a surprised tone to his voice but still covered with drowsiness. 

Jungkook laughs and lays his head on top of the older one's head. Even though he felt like the biggest burden to the others, the one thing he needs right now is some sort of comfort. His headache wasn't getting any better and his muscles were screaming at him to not move at all. He closed his eyes trying to control his breathing again. 

"Hey Jungkook. Are you okay? Yoongi-hyung told me what happened earlier..." 

Jungkook didn't have the energy to react but the emotions were all coming back to him. As much as he wanted to avoid it. He told him how weak I was... 

"W-what did Yoongi-hyung tell you?" Jungkook tried to suppress anything else coming out besides a stutter. 

Hoseok lifted his head up and looked at Jungkook who had a weak smile on his face. He then lifted his hand up to put it on top of the younger's head. 

"The comments online. You've seen them, haven't you?" 

Jungkook's smile didn't falter. He looked directly at Hoseok. To Hoseok, his smile looked like the most painful thing in the world. It began to scare him when he saw Jungkook's eyes. They were distant. It was like Jungkook wasn't even focused on him despite looking directly at him. He looked so... Empty... 

"It's okay Hobi-hyung. I'm used to it." Jungkook leaned into Hoseok's chest and took a ragged breath in only to give a large sigh out.  

Hoseok wrapped his arms around the maknae pulling him closer to a come comfortable position. His lips formed a pout as the words from Jungkook replayed over his ears. 

"Jungkookie, you know your hyungs love you right?" 

Jungkook nods while his face was buried in the dancer's chest 

"And you know could always come and talk to us, right?" 

Another nod. 

He was hoping for another reaction besides a nod, like perhaps crying and telling him what was wrong. All he wanted was for Jungkook to open up, but for now he was satisfied to see him safe under his arms. They stayed in that position for a long while. Jungkook's uneven breathing evened out and was asleep. At one moment, Jimin came out to the living room with a short gasp and quickly ran back down the hall. Hoseok wanted to smack his own head but he didn't want to wake Jungkook up. Jimin was probably going to get the others. He didn't want anyone to come bursting in when he had already managed to get the little one to sleep.  

Namjoon walked in quickly but then quickly quieted down when he saw Hoseok puckering his lips, shushing them. 

"Is he okay?" Namjoon whispered while heading closer. Jimin followed up behind him. He only woke up Namjoon given the fact that him of all people should know what's going on with his members.   

"I..well..He's safe?" Hoseok wasn't sure how to answer that. 

"Where was he?" Jimin sat down from the other side of the maknae. 

Hoseok started caressing Jungkook's cheek. "the gym" 

"Oh, he's gonna get an earful from me that for sure... He knows he shouldn't stay out for that long. God knows what could've happened to him.." Namjoom crossed his arms scoffing. 

"Joonie...I think that's the last thing he needs right now"  

Namjoon and Jimin looked curiously at Hoseok who was petting through Jungkook's hair. " He scared me earlier..." 

"What? How?" 

Hoseok paused letting the sight rewash his memory. "His eyes were so... sad? It was just so blank when I was asking him what was wrong. It was like I was talking to no one, and yet he was still smiling.." He felt tears pricked the corner of his eyes. " It felt like I was talking to someone else. Jungkook wasn't like himself." 

Jimin quickly scooted closer to comfort the dancer. "I tried talking to him earlier but he ran off before I could..."  

Namjoon was getting frustrated, it seemed like he was the only one that didn't know what was going on. "Can someone please tell me what this is about?" His voice was a lot louder than he intended and he quickly slapped his mouth shut when Jungkook stirred.  Jungkook grunted and lifted his head up with a slightly annoyed and confused look. 

"What's going on..." Jungkook said weakly while looking around to see 3 of his hyungs with mixed expressions. Whenever he wakes up he gets super disoriented so it took him some time to fully focus on the situation. 

"You fell asleep on me silly" Hoseok joked trying to hide his tears with a laugh. "You're all sweaty, go take a shower so you can sleep some more. Yeah?" 

Jungkook nodded. He looked like a child his eyebrows scrunched up and eyes barley open. He lifted himself up to his feet and noticed that the room was tilting sideways.  

"Jungkook!" Namjoon thankfully caught him by the shoulder and set him upright. "Are you okay?" 

"Oh, yeah I'm fine Hyung sorry, I just lost my footing aha." He lowered his head and headed out the living room. He managed to say a "Goodnight!" Over his shoulder. 

The 3 looked at each other as their concerned face worsened 

Something isn't right with their maknae 

~♡~ 

If Jungkook thought his headache yesterday felt terrible, he was mistaken. He woke up feeling like his head could split in half and his throat was dry. He used the palm of his hands to rub is eyes. 

"Great... A cold..." 

His door suddenly slammed open. 

"Jungkook-ah! Get up, we're gonna be late for the radio show!" Taehyung was pulling up his pants and zipping up his shirt, almost ready to go while blurted all that out. 

Jungkook grunted. He completely forgot about the radio show that their manager set up for them last minute. It was a pretty popular one so missing it wasn't really an option. 

"Taehyung-ah... Could you get me some water? I think I have a cold..." Jungkook croaked. He had to hold down his throat to say all that just to provide some sort of comfort. 

"Aw Kookie..." Taehyung rushed to the maknae's bed and placed his warm hands on the younger's forehead. It was a comforting feeling for Jungkook and he could just fall asleep from it.  "Looks like you are hotter than usual. I'll get some cold medicine for you in the kitchen" Taehyung got up and started heading out toward the door. 

"Thanks, hyung" Jungkook began to have a coughing fit in the insides of his shoulder. His whole body was shuttering which made him do a small whimper of distress. He feels like pure crap. 

Taehyung stops his tracks and turns around with creased eyebrows. "Jungkookie..Maybe you should sit this one out, you look terrible" 

"No, it's okay. It's just a small fever" Jungkook got up from his bed slowly and did a weak flex making the other laugh. "See, fine and dandy" 

"Okay okay Golden maknae. I'll put the medicine on top of the kitchen table. We'll wait for you so don't take too long!" He heads out. 

Jungkook flinched at those words. Golden maknae. it reminded him of the things that happened yesterday. Suddenly a rush of different things came through his thoughts that were not helping his headache in any way possible. He wants to just lay down in his bed and rest. 

Jungkook is so selfish! 

He gripped the edge of his bed in frustration. He can't let himself miss this show, it would make BTS look bad if not all the members were there. He dressed himself up and walked out. Going to the kitchen was pretty awkward because once he walked passed the living room, the room got silent. He quickly shuffled his way through the kitchen table to take the pills Taehyung left him.  

Jin walked in the kitchen giving Jungkook a hug from behind 

"Jungkook-ah, I heard you weren't feeling well?"  

"Just a small cold but it's alright, I'll just rest in the van." He made a tight smile at his hyung after gulping down some pills and walked out to the front door. Once again, he felt uncomfortable since he felt eyes directed towards him but he pretended as if it wasn't happening. 

Hoseok looked up at Namjoon, worried if he was going to scold the maknae for what happened yesterday. Namjoon looked down at the dancer sitting on the couch and smiled which showed his dimples. "Don't worry Hope, I'm not going to lecture him... Not yet that is. We're going to have a group meeting as soon as we come back. Enough is enough isn't it?" 

Hoseok made his signature sunny smile and hopped up from out of his seat. "Alright team! Let's start heading out!" He pointed to the door with full force and motivation.  

Yoongi was already at the door with the rest. " You're a little behind on that one Hobi" He chuckled. 

"Ahg! Wait up!" 

~♡~ 

Jungkook was grateful towards the others because they were much quieter than usual in the van just to make sure that he could rest up some more. They kept their conversations to a minimum and occasionally Jimin would turn his head round to glance at Jungkook and Jungkook would respond with a weary smile. Usually, whenever Jungkook smiled at Jimin he would smile back but this time Jimin looked at him with pain and pity. As if he was feeling sorry for him, worried? It can't be. It was as if he was tired of him. Like he was done with him. He knew this would happen eventually. His hyungs were tired of him, annoyed with him and yet they're just acting normal like it was every other day. Jungkook's head wouldn't let him think otherwise. It was the only thing that made sense to him. He was just a nuisance after all. 

Jungkook is so annoying! 

Jungkook shut his eyes hard trying not to express anything out of the ordinary to the others. He wanted to cry. He wanted to cry so hard and disappear. He has no right to be here. Instead, he swallows down all his emotions down the void he has created in his mind and remained quiet. When they reached their destination, Jungkook felt like his headache was gone and his emotions were kept to a calm again. Although he still has a cold, it was better than what he felt in the morning.  

The members all sat down on their seats around the table. Jungkook was between Jin and Yoongi. His plan for this talk show was to stay fairly quiet just to spare his throat. When the host began the interview, things went their usual way. The others were answering questions and laughing along the silly moments. It went well for a good 20 minutes until the host turned to Jungkook. 

"Jungkook-ssi, you've been very quiet so far!" 

Jungkook lowered his head with a nervous laugh. " Sorry, I have a bit of a cold today"  

The host smile while flipping through his post cards, "It's alright, I'll start asking questions for you to answer is that alright?"  

Jungkook nodded.  

"Now this is from your latest performance. The MBC special stage with you Jungkook as the center of the attention! It was great truly! But the social media has been blowing up ever since. What's your take on the back lash your group has received?" 

Jungkook swallowed a large lump down his throat. He was paralyzed. He didn't know what to say or even how to say it. He wanted to play it off cool but all that came out was a small cough. 

Namjoon quickly butted in, "The messages from the antis were pretty strong after our performance but that wouldn't stop us for the world." He smiled kindly to the host "Jungkook worked really hard for this performance so he deserved all the spotlight" 

Jungkook was surprised to hear their leader say that about him. He looked up with a confused but hopeful stare at him. 

"Ah yes, but the fans were also complaining about how Jungkook takes up the center too much. Him receiving too many lines in songs seems to be an issue too" 

Jungkook weakly replied that was only audible to the two members beside him. "I didn't mean to-" 

Jimin spoke up quickly 

"It's not his fault that he had too many lines. He's our main vocalist for a reason" Jimin smiles are Jungkook who was slightly trembling. 

"Ah I see I see." The host clears his throat and looks at Jungkook again. "But as much as we love these answers the audience would love to hear Jungkook-ssi's voice! Come now, what do you think?" 

Jungkook finally composed himself and looked up with a smile. His eyes were devoid of any happiness though. The others took notice and were hurt from it. 

"I'm used to it. I receive a lot of hate from social media but it's okay. It happens a lot." 

"Ah, so is that why you don't post anything that often?" 

"Yes. Since I can't do anything about it, I just avoid it, you know?" He laughs along with the host.  

Jungkook is so snobby... 

His headache was coming back to him as the others continue on with their next segment. The interview was a total of 2 hours and Jungkook felt like he's been there for days. He felt his body dragging him down and all he wanted to do is rest. 

"Okay! Time for out last segment! Jungkook do you think you could sing a song just to close us out?"  

Jungkook snaps himself out of his painful trance. He was trying to calm his body so he doesn't end up collapsing anywhere. "O-oh uhm," he looks at his hyungs and then back at the host. "I'm sorry, I don't think my voice is the best right now..." He pointed at his throat to give the host a reminder. 

"Aw, how disappointing..." 

Taehyung quickly raised his hand winking at the maknae. "I'll do it for him!" And so, he did and the interview was finished. 

Disappointing... 

~♡~ 

Jungkook didn't know how much longer he could take of this. He could only hold in everything for so long. He tried not thinking about anything and draw his mind to a complete blank but something always happens that brings his problems back up. He felt so trapped in his mind and is was taking a toll on his body. Walking back to the van was hard enough, luckily Jin offered him a piggy back ride for no reason in particular. Sleeping in the car ride home was somewhat comforting but he still felt the 6 pairs of eyes occasionally looking at him and it just made his mind race even more. What if they're disappointed in me from the radio show... what if they think I'm weak... what if... 

He feels a hand shaking his shoulder and touching his face. It was probably his mind playing tricks on him again... Jungkook didn't move, he just tried to block everything. He just wanted his mind to rest. 

Suddenly the touches were harsher. Something was shaking his shoulder harder and he could've sworn he felt someone lightly slap his face. But that can't be real could it. Noting can be real. Everything is just fake. He was fake. 

~♡~ 

The van arrived back to their dorms and the others hop out of the car one after the other. 

"Jeez that interview was rough. They just wouldn't drop that topic about Jungkookie." Taehyung huffed 

Hoseok followed up from behind, "I know right? I'm just glad that it's over."  

While the others were stretching their limbs from outside the car, Jin looked over to Jungkook, who was leaning over the glass window, and tapped his shoulder. 

"Hey Jungkook-ah, we're here."  

He gets no response from the maknae which makes him sigh. He knew that waking up Jungkook could be a mission. He just hoped that he didn’t have to resort to twisting his nipples again.  

"Jungkookie~ Wakie wakie for Jin" He started poking his cheek. What was weird was that he felt something wet on his hands.  

He frowned and looked up at the younger. He couldn’t see all of his face because his hoodie and black mask was covering most of it. "Hey...Jungkook.." Jin turned lightly grabbed Jungkook by the shoulder and turned him over.  

What he saw was something he wasn't prepared for. Jungkook was staring blankly in no direction in particular with a steady flow of tears rolling down his cheek. His body was close to being limp and his expression was blank. He looked lifeless. 

Jin yelled out his name multiple times and even tried slapping his face as lightly as he can. Nothing happened. Thankfully he was breathing fine but other than that he was irresponsive. Shaking his body wasn't doing anything either. Jin's eyes changed to panic as one of the members went near the car. 

"Jin-hyung, what's wrong? I heard yelling" Hoseok leaned inside the van and saw Jin shaking Jungkook's body. His body was lolling back and forth and that made the dancer very concerned. 

"What's wrong with him?" 

"I don’t know!" The eldest cried out.  

Hoseok waved his hand over Jungkook's face but Jungkook made no reaction. He sucked in his breath and looked at Jin. "We need to get him inside, quick" 

With that, Jin lifted up the maknae and cradled him in his arms. He was heavy but it was manageable. Hoseok had to explain to the driver that they got things under control so that he can leave but something in him made him doubt that it was true. 

Jin was running up the stairs and eventually caught up with the others. Namjoon was just about to unlock the door until he heard an "Oh my god!" He turned around quickly and saw Jin panting with Jungkook in his arms. Before he could even question what was going on, Jin gave him a serious look. 

"Open the door" He said that as if there was not a second to waste, because there wasn't. 

Namjoon fumbled with the keys while the other were hovering around Jungkook worrying and shaking him hoping for a response. Namjoon finally got the door unlocked and Jin wasted no time to kick it open with his foot and rush into the living room. He placed Jungkook on the couch sitting him upright and crouched down to his knees.  

"Jeon Jungkook. I need you to respond to me, can you do that?" Jin's voice was shaky but still stern. He was worried out of his mind. 

Jimin ran over to sit next to Jungkook and Taehyung stood a small distance in shock. Yoongi and Namjoon went over to help Jin figure out what was going on. 

"Why isn't he moving, is he passed out? Is he..." Taehyung choked on his words 

"No of course not. He's breathing fine..." Yoongi glanced over at Jungkook who still has a steady flow of tears. His face was scrunched up as if he was trying to hold something back. 

Jimin tried rubbing on the maknae's arm to get his attention but was terrified when he still got no response. "Kookie please! You're scaring us!" 

"Do we need an ambulance?" Namjoon had his phone ready. 

"At this point I really don't know. May-" 

"wait" 

Yoongi cut off Jin mid-sentence and made his way towards the maknae. He crouched down so that he was eye level with him even though his eyes weren't focused.  

"Jungkookie...Hey kid." Yoongi put his hand on top of Jungkook's head rubbing it gently. "You know you don’t have to do this anymore. You don't have to hide anything from us. We know you're hurting." 

Jungkook flinched a little at his words. Yoongi knew he was getting to him. "Your hyungs are here to support you, we wouldn't think of you any different if you cried to us. You know, that right?"  

The other members finally realized where he was going with this as all their eyes widened simultaneously.  

Jin started rubbing Jungkook's knee. "Stop keeping your problems to yourself, it's okay to talk about it. We want to help you Kookie." 

Jungkook's eyes strongly shut and brought both of his hands to cover his face. He didn't want anyone to see him cry hard. He wanted to be alone and yet, he wanted his hyungs more than ever. 

Yoongi pried Jungkook's hands away from his face to only reveal a distressed boy trying his very hardest to not cry even more. His teeth were clenched while hiccupping. 

"It's okay to cry" 

With just those words, Jungkook leaned forward and grabbed Yoongi by the waist. It caught the older by surprise as he gasped quickly but then he steadied himself so that he was hugging Jungkook's head. 

Jungkook was bawling. He couldn't hold anything back anymore, it was so tiring. His whole body was shuttering as he clenched Yoongi tighter around the waist. He was so hurt and he had to keep it to himself for so long. Since the beginning, he was telling his hyungs, "I'm used to it." But he's not used to it. He never was.  

"I'm not...u-used to it..." He hiccupped through each word. He was still shuttering and felt someone tug him. Jimin pulled him to his own chest and Jungkook clenched the singer's shirt so tightly. He kept repeating. 

"I'm not used to it...I'm not used to it at all..." He was still crying hard despite feeling different hands rubbing him for comfort. When he could finally get some sort of composure he sat himself up rubbing his eyes to scan the room. There he saw his hyungs all in tears. Some holding themselves off better than the rest but still crying.  

"H-hyung's I'm s-sorry..." He kept wiping his eyes with his soaked sleeve. "I'm just so tired... I'm so tired of it all... I don’t know what I did or how I should fix it... Why can't I do anything right. I keep dragging the team down and the fans hate me... I tried! I tried and worked harder but nothing works! I'm just a screw up..."  

Taehyung tackles Jungkook into a tight embrace sniffling through his own tears. "Jungkookie don't you ever call yourself a screw up! You don't have to prove yourself to anybody in the world you hear me!" Taehyung pushed back and squished Jungkook's cheeks so that he was looking at him. "The only person that you have to prove to is yourself" 

"The fact that you think that you're dragging the team down is ridiculous. If anything, you keep us going Jungkook. You need to remember that." Namjoon chimed in. 

Jungkook didn't think he could cry harder than he in he was doing right now but another wave of tears came out and he let out a frustrated cry. Words cannot describe how much he needed to hear those words. 

"Those c-comments... They always keep coming back to haunt me... I just... How do I even please them.." 

Hoseok then rushed over to join cradling the maknae. "You don't. That's the thing" 
He embraced Jungkook from the side while Jimin was rubbing circles on his back and Taehyung was gently rocking Jungkook back and forth from the front. 

"You shouldn't worry about pleasing anyone Jungkook. You're doing a great job. The people who post that crap aren't real fans so don't even bother with them" Yoongi crossed his arms scoffing, trying to hide his own tears.

"Jungkook you need to talk to us more. If you're upset and bottle up yourself like that, this is going to happen again. We can help you get through this. Did you think I went through the threats I received alone? Heck, I cried to Jin like a big baby" 

Jungkook smiled softly as he looked at Jin nodding in agreement. "Thank you..." 

Jimin leaned over to make eye contact with Jungkook. 

"You really scared us there, you weren't responding to any of us! We were about to call an ambulance" 

Jungkook looked down with guilt. "I'm sorry..I just... The way I cope with myself is just by numbing myself from everything. I mean, it works but only for so long.." 

Taehyung let's go and lifts Jungkook's chin up. "Don't do that anymore, please? It's really scary. Come to us anytime you start feeling bad. I'm always free for chat" Taehyung made a big smile that made Jungkook smile as well.  

Jungkook felt like a weight has been lifted off his chest and that he could breathe properly now. He wiped the remaining tears from his eyes. 

"Sorry for making you guys cry..."  

"Psh, I wasn't crying..." Yoongi turned away and the others laughed. 

For once he felt like he could join in without have to fake anything. He actually felt real happiness again. It was familiar but felt so new. His laugh was hoarse from his cold but he still managed to voice it out, making the hyungs smile at him. 

"I really do love you guys" Jungkook made a big bunny smile.  

"Ahhh! Jungkookie's smile is so cute! I'm gonna cry again!" Taehyung was doing a loud fake cry while tackling the youngest down again. Jimin and Hoseok joined in with Jin yelling at them to not hurt themselves. Namjoon was patting on Yoongi's shoulder comforting him while Yoongi stilled denied that he was crying. Jungkook knew at that moment,that everything was going to be alright.  

It  hurts.. .  But   at   least  I have my  hyungs  for it to hurt less.. .