Work Text:
If there was one thing in the galaxy Commander Jayce Shepard absolutely hated with a passion, it was hospitals.
Liar!
Okay, she amended silently to the brother who was only left to her in spirit, brussel sprouts, too.
The smirk that toyed at her lips did little to reassure her just then, however. As hospitals went, Huerta Memorial was one of the larger, better equipped and better staffed ones on the Citadel. Having Dr. Michel in charge of it all was just bonus. But that still didn’t help Jayce get past the door.
For the tenth time in as many minutes, Jayce turned sharply to her left and walked down the hall, retreating to the back of the intensive care wing. The issue at hand wasn’t hospital security, but the Commander herself.
Benjamin, I can’t do this! she pleaded silently, doing her best to ignore the panic attack slowly creeping up her spine and taking firm hold of her lungs, her pulse, her head.
C’mon, Jayce, you know you can. You did it before.
Jayce winced. Which before, though? This isn’t mom and dad, Ben … this is Kaidan. He’s … important. He ….
Gasping softly, her head shot up and she glanced around the area. She swore she could literally hear the soft, deep, rumbling chuckle that had been so exclusive to her older brother. Hey, kiddo, I know exactly what he is to you. I’m in your head, remember?
The breath she drew in was unsteady, shuddering as badly as her shoulders trembled as she exhaled. Benjamin ….
Hey, he messaged you, right? Asked you to come visit? He must be doing better. Even the doctor said so. Right?
Jayce pulled her lip between her teeth as she moved to stare out the window at the view of the Presidium beyond. She did, Jayce allowed.
Then, what’s the problem?
Jayce swallowed tightly, eyes closing, forehead meeting the cool pane of the window as she leaned forward. It’s too much like mom and dad ….
Jayce had been twelve years old when her parents had been killed in that accident driving back from town. A very impressionable twelve. Benjamin had been nineteen and suddenly not only sole owner/operator of the family farm, but also the caretaker of an almost teenage girl. One who began withdrawing from the world around her even more than her introvert personality had her doing before the loss of their parents.
Baby girl ….
Jayce swallowed back a sob, eyes tightening to hold the tears at bay. How long had it been since she’d heard him call her that? Her father had before, and in an effort to connect with her, to find some way to help ease the transition for her after their parents’ deaths, Benjamin had continued the tradition. Jayce had not minded one bit.
She could almost see the look on his face as he suddenly sighed in exasperation. Quit being so damned nostalgic.
That caused Jayce to blink, her eyes opening. Nostalgic?
Dramatic, then, if you prefer. Look, the man messaged you - he’s okay, right? He’s awake, he’s breathing, he’s ALIVE. Sure, he’s probably still banged up, but it’s no different than you’d see when I was on the boxing team in school, right?
Jayce shuddered. Lord, how she’d hated seeing him all black and blue after a fight.
Another exasperated sigh. Fine, fine, bad comparison, he admitted. Just get your scrawny butt in there and see for yourself, though. I bet you anything you want he’s fine.
Jayce frowned; habit had her glancing over her shoulder. My butt is not scrawny!
The hazy mental image snorted and chortled, Made you look, didn’t I?
Turning, Jayce crept over to the corner, peeking slowly around until she could see the door to the room. For a long moment, she stood there, partially leaning against the wall for support.
Courage, JayceFace. You can do this. I know you can.
Jayce smiled, but the sound she made as she swallowed back a sob at the hated old nickname caused more than one curious glance to be tossed in her direction. I hate when you call me that!
I know you do. Now, go on.
After sixteen years of on and off such mental conversations with her brother such as this, Jayce knew well enough to sense when he was departing to let her get on with things in her own way. Now was such a time. Taking a deep breath, squaring her shoulders and tilting her head just a bit more confidently, Jayce retraced her steps to the doorway she had been avoiding. She was Commander Jayce Shepard. Savior of the Citadel. Destroyer of the Collector Base. The Reapers’ worst nightmare. She could do this. No sweat.
She was just lifting her hand to trigger the door when it slid open before her and she had to step quickly to the side as Udina passed by or risk being bowled over. Startled, she drew back as her eyes quickly found the politician’s.
“Shepard.”
“Udina.”
She was still staring after the man, suddenly and completely befuddled by his appearance as well as the less than enthusiastic greeting, when she heard a familiar voice call out, “Hey, Shepard. Glad you could make it. Come on in.”
Jayce plastered a smile on her face as she turned and stepped towards him, preparing herself for the worst. Their eyes met and held and .... “Kaidan.”
Her voice must have wobbled or something, because before she knew it, he was leaning slightly towards her, grasping her hand and squeezing it tightly in a reassuring manner. “Hey.” Another squeeze. “You okay?”
Jayce nodded, but felt that tightening of her chest returning as she took in the details of the damage done. Bruises, still healing cuts … The memories of how it had all gone down returned with a speed that nearly made her head spin, but the after effects of it all made him look so … fragile.
Cursing softly, Jayce turned her head to the side, eyes closing tightly. “Sorry,” she muttered. His hand tugged on hers, just enough to bring her another step closer to the bedside. “Kaidan, don’t, please … I’m embarrassed enough as it is ….”
“Jayce.” Her eyes reluctantly met his as he began speaking. “I’m okay, I promise.” Jayce’s eyebrow quirked upwards; a little trick she’d learned from him back during their SR1 days. He chuckled before clarifying, “Well, almost. Doc says I’ll be fine though after a little more rest.”
“Uh huh.” Swallowing tightly, Jayce squeezed his hand before pulling hers free and reaching down to one of the many pockets on her BDUs. “Um … here.” She lifted the bottle of whiskey she’d grabbed on the way in, handing it over to him. “I brought you a little something.” She attempted a smile as she handed it over and noticed that, while he did take it, setting it aside on the table beside his bed, his eyes remained on hers the entire time.
“Thanks. Maybe next time you visit I’ll be up to cracking it open,” he suggested. “We can share a drink together … or something.”
Jayce’s smile was a bit more solid this time. “Or something,” she agreed, recalling the outcome of the last time they’d shared a drink together. That had been after Virmire.
Reaching behind her, she pulled over a chair and sat. “So, how’re you doing?” she asked. “Really, I mean?”
They sat talking for the next half hour or so with Kaidan using most of that time to catch her up on things from his perspective. During that time, however, Jayce observed several instances where he began informing her of things that she already knew - for instance, his promotion to Major - and she tried to push away a tiny but niggling fear that the injuries he’d received had perhaps scrambled his memories just a little more than the doctors had told her. Surely they would have checked for that … right?
“Spectre, huh?” she mused when he explained Udina’s presence upon her arrival. “Well, all I can say is it’s about damned time.” She nodded firmly when she saw the surprise in his eyes. “You don’t think so?”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying,” he told her. “It’s just … well, I’ve got quite the reputation to live up to.”
Jayce rolled her eyes when he winked at her. “Yeah. I’m sure Udina will be happy to hear you say that,” she retorted dryly.
Silence fell around them comfortably for a few minutes, and it was then, as she thought over their discussion so far, that she realized they’d not discussed the one thing she’d been adamant about asking him during this visit. “So … about Mars ….”
Their eyes met and this time, Jayce could see there was a bit more ... intensity behind his gaze. Was it safe to presume he knew what she was asking?
“Yeah.” His voice sounded normal, but his words left her wondering. “About that … Look, Shepard, I’m sorry. About my doubts. About … everything, I guess. I don’t think I was wrong about Cerberus, but … I was wrong about you.”
Jayce blinked. He’d taken her hand in his again as he spoke, gently wrapping his around hers, and as he spoke, she felt his thumb start rubbing against the back of her hand. However, when combined with the hard stare he was giving her at the same time, she couldn’t help but think that he was up to something. The question was … what? It almost seemed as if he was trying to quietly indicate that his words weren’t true. Which led her to wonder, if that was the case, then … why? Was he lying on purpose? It didn’t seem likely. The man was Mr. Integrity himself. Jayce’s eyes narrowed just a bit, a crease forming between them. Then he moved, shaking his head back and forth once, the motion almost imperceptible and leaving her to blink again in confusion. What the hell is going on? You said you’d tell me the truth once we got away from Mars!
But clearly this was not the time or the place to discuss it. Pushing all thoughts and questions aside for the moment, Jayce murmured, “Thanks.” It became quite clear he wasn’t going to talk about it right now for some reason. As she’d opened her mouth to reply, she could almost feel the tension filling his hands that still surrounded hers. That had eased, however, with her simple reply. Clearly, he did not wish to discuss the issue right now. And if that was the case, there was no reason for her to stay. Right? “I … should probably go,” she added a moment later, rising from her chair.
“Heading back out?” he asked.
Jayce nodded, her hand now lingering just a moment longer in his. Despite her confusion about his actions a moment ago, she was hesitant to leave. Kaidan almost seemed unwilling to break the contact, too. “Yeah. This war won’t fight itself, you know.”
His chuckle sounded genuine enough at least. “Yeah.”
Jayce paused at the door, turning one last time to look over at him. “Kaidan, I -” Her voice broke off though as she saw him tense up. Something strange was going on here. Something very strange that he obviously didn’t feel comfortable talking about while here. Or maybe it was just with her? Perhaps he’d changed his mind. Swallowing past a dry throat, she concluded, “I’m glad you’re okay. We need you at one hundred percent for this fight.”
He relaxed again, but drew up his eyebrow in that same questioning manner she had used earlier. Frowning, she waited for clarification. “We?” he asked. “Or … you?”
Jayce felt the heat rush to her cheeks, eyes dropping but not before she saw the smile at his lips. It had almost looked … affectionate. Running her tongue lightly over her lips first, she turned towards the door again, waited for it to open, before she glanced back over and replied, “You’ll have to figure that out on your own …,” then stepped outside.
Hiding her confusion as best she could, Jayce made one last quick stop to visit with Dr. Michel for a few moments, though she didn’t say anything about Kaidan’s odd behavior. By the time she left the hospital, Jayce was wondering if she’d imagined it. Dr. Michel was just as optimistic as she’d been all along about Kaidan’s chances for a complete recovery.
It was as she arrived at the Normandy and entered through the airlock that another piece of the puzzle fell into her lap, so to speak. She had just checked in with Joker and was entering the elevator to head up to her cabin when she felt the vibration at her wrist. Glancing down, she noticed a familiar chat line was open.
Big_Ben: I’m sorry. I promise … soon.
Leaning against the wall, Jayce’s head dropped back and she sighed. Why, Kaidan? Why are you doing this? Hand moving quickly, she typed back a brief and somewhat terse reply. She was just about to hit the send button when she was interrupted.
“Commander Shepard?”
Straightening, Jayce replied, “Yes, EDI?”
“The elevator has been at a standstill for the past ten point eight seconds. Do you wish to disembark?”
Jayce chuckled as she moved through the doors and out onto the landing leading to her cabin. “Thanks, EDI. What would I do without you?”
“Apparently, remain inside stopped elevators.”
Jayce froze, hand rising from her omni-tool where she’d just sent her reply to Kaidan to trigger the door to her cabin.
“That … was a joke.”
There had been just the slightest hint of hesitation in EDI’s tone as she spoke, and Jayce felt her lips twitch just a bit. Needing a confidence boost, are we? Well, you’re as much a part of the crew as anyone … “You’ve been hanging around Joker too long,” she returned. “He’s beginning to rub off on you. Anyway, do me a favor?”
“Of course,” was the immediate response.
“Inform me the minute everyone’s back aboard ship. Until then, no interruptions, ‘kay?” Jayce pulled out the seat to her desk and reached for the latest model kit she’d purchased aboard the Citadel just hours before. “I need some time to think.” And her best thinking occurred when she was thoroughly absorbed in a project.
“As you wish, Commander.”
Don’t forget to eat dinner tonight, Benjamin reminded her as she opened the box and began sorting things out before her. Or, rather, don't make me come MAKE you stop and eat dinner tonight!
Jayce smirked softly, but otherwise ignored his voice this time. She had other concerns to sort out first ….