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i.
She wasn’t entirely sure how it happened, but when the realization hits her it does so all at once with Chaeyoung leaning over her shoulder inquiring about the assignment they had just received.
“Tzuyu, wanna be my partner?”
(And the girl was so close, chin practically resting on her shoulder with her breath coming as a rush of warm air against her ear.)
“W-what?”
“For the project,” Chaeyoung pulled away slightly before giving her a teasing grin, “were you even listening?”
“Ah, I guess I just got a little- distracted.”
“Are you okay? You seem to be, I don’t know, a little spaced out lately.”
“I’m fine,” She tried to sound reassuring, “let’s be partners, I'll look over the paper tonight and then we can plan more tomorrow.”
“Okay...if you say so. Tomorrow then?”
“Yeah, tomorrow.”
-
When she gets home, she doesn’t do anything except toss her bag in the corner of her room before throwing herself onto her bed to stare at the ceiling.
She would be the first to admit, feelings weren’t really her thing because they were confusing and weird and just messy.
But there were instances in which she would indulge herself, and Chaeyoung happened to be one such instance.
Now they were friends, but for the first six month of the school year they never talked- Tzuyu wasn’t even sure the latter knew she existed until the day they were forcibly paired together by their teacher.
(Which was fine by her because Chaeyoung was friendly and nice and if she were being completely honest, she’d spent a lot of the time just admiring the girl from afar.)
And that was their dynamic- with Chaeyoung just existing and her, allowing her imagination to run wild with fantasies that she knew would never come to fruition.
But now they had exchanged phone numbers and they talked occasionally; Chaeyoung had gone so far to even make a nickname for her which, while she usually hated those kind of things, she really didn’t mind when the girl would warmly call to her from across the room using a shortened version of her name.
Rationally, she knew they were friends, and only friends.
That what she was experiencing was a crush- an intense, but most likely, brief, infatuation with her classmate who was smart and good at physics and who had the cutest laugh-
(And yeah, she was pretty far gone.)
ii.
It was a stupid mistake of hers, to let such a thing slip, but more than that, it was a mistake to even allow Chaeyoung to drag her to that stupid party.
“You like someone?” Chaeyoung’s eyes widened in shock. “Oh my god, who is it!”
They’re walking to the bus stop and she’s actively avoiding any eye contact as she tugs her coat closer to body.
“Come on, please? I promise I won’t tell anyone, you can trust me.” Chaeyoung moved closer to reach for her hand, twining their fingers together and playfully swinging their hands back and forth between them.
It was an innocent gesture really, but still it made her itch with a feeling she couldn’t describe so she quickly tugged her hand back to shove it in her own pocket, cheeks reddening at an alarming rate until she noticed the somewhat hurt expression on Chaeyoung's face.
"Ah, s-sorry. It's just- I don't like to be touched."
Chaeyoung simply tilted her head slightly before nodding. "Oh, sorry. I should have asked I guess."
She was never one for skin ship, and she knew that Chaeyoung wasn't really the type for excessive touching either (at least, not the point of being like Nayeon or Sana).
But still, the shorter girl looked pretty remorseful and she wanted to kick herself in that moment because she should have been the one to apologize, right?
iii.
She lasts exactly two months before she begins to crack under the weight of her own secret.
It was getting to the point where she could barely be in the same room as Chaeyoung without her palms getting sweaty and becoming hyper aware of every little thing the girl did- and she knew if she didn't get her emotions under control Chaeyoung would eventually start getting suspicious, or worse, start questioning her about said behavior.
(And that's exactly what happens after she doesn't talk the latter for a whole week and she declines an offer to go out on the weekend.
"Are you avoiding me?" Chaeyoung all but demands, hands on her hips while her eyes were filled with curiosity. "Did I do something to upset you?"
They're crowded into a single bathroom stall because Chaeyoung had followed her in and refused to let her leave without an answer.
(It's only slightly awkward as she presses closer to the wall to avoiding being squished against the toilet and it's suddenly really hot in the confined space.
Why were they here again?)
"No, no. You didn't do anything and I- I'm not avoiding you I've just been busy is all. Sorry."
"Liar. We have the same schedule and I know for a fact that homework has been unusually light this week."
This was one of the things she was afraid- having to confess to the girl and then ultimately getting rejected and then having ruined a perfectly good friendship because she couldn't keep her emotions in check.
And perhaps she was jumping the gun but there was no possible scenario in her head that ended well.
"Tzuyu, seriously, what is it." Chaeyoung's demeanor softened. "I'm worried."
"I'm sorry, it's just, I've had a lot on my mind lately."
"Like what? What's bothering you so much?"
feels dry, and for a moment she considers lying because that had always worked before- but with the way Chaeyoung was staring so intently at her face, she knew it would be impossible to hide anything from her.
"I- it's the person I like. I just, I'm not sure what to do."
Chaeyoung seems taken aback slightly. "Oh? That's right, you still haven't told me who they are."
"That's just it."
She's tapping her foot against the tile compulsively and curses herself for being so meek- for being so easily influenced by Chaeyoung.
"I'm not sure I understand."
"I- the person I like. I don't know if I should tell them or not."
"Ah," Chaeyoung nodded in understanding, "well that's silly of you. Who wouldn't like you?"
Chaeyoung poses it like she's asking an actual question and Tzuyu sighs because this was just making it harder for her.
"I, we're friends. And I don't want to lose them as a friend over something like this."
"Oh." Chaeyoung looks away then, biting her lower lip in thought. "Well, what if- what if you don't have to."
It's her turn to blink now, confused by the sudden shift.
"I mean," Chaeyoung inched closer until the rubber of their sneakers touched, "what if that person didn't want to lose you as a friend either. What if that person wanted you as a friend and more?"
"H-how do you know that? How can you be so sure?" Her heart was beating so hard she was sure the other could hear it echoing inside the room.
"Because, I just know." Chaeyoung swollows and lets out a low chuckle. "I- this might be forward of me, but I want it to be me. The person you like, is it me?"
iv.
She thinks they look odd together.
(She loves every minute of it though.)
Nothing drastic really changes in how they interact, it's almost as if they were still friends rather than girlfriends.
And while that doesn't seem to bother Chaeyoung, it bothers her because she feels like she's holding them back.
"You don't have to push yourself, really, I don't mind."
"No, I don't know what's wrong with me." She pouts. "I want to hold your hand, I really do."
"I know, but, if you aren't comfortable I'm not going to push you."
Chaeyoung is smiling at her widely and it only serves to make her feel worse because as weird as it sounded, her girlfriend was being a little too nice about this.
"You shouldn't have to wait for something like this. It's stupid."
(She's not sure why it was so hard for her- why it felt so sacred and intimate.)
"I don't mind waiting. You know that."
Tzuyu did know, and that's what she loved so much about the other.
"Here, just, do it. Don't let go, even if I squirm." She nods confidently as she stretches her hand out.
"Okay, if you're sure." Chaeyoung gently takes her hand and lets them fall between them loosely like the first time. Her hands starts to tingle, but she pushes past that to focus on the loving look Chaeyoung is giving her.
"I promise, I won't let go."