Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"You’re lying!"

And then it was all a faint blur. Everything seemed to have blended together into one dark, blue-grey blend with flickering orange splotches like I was running down a burning street in the nighttime. I never looked back. I didn't want to look back. I rather not look back. Stirring in me was a thousand different feelings I have felt and never felt. It was like a hundred butterflies had magically appeared in my stomach and, having nowhere to go, decided to flutter all over and make me nauseous. And even though they had no exit, they still continue flying as if one will just pop up right before them. Fire was burning in my throat, weight was pulling my body down, and tears were soaking my eyes. All the icy wind did was chill my bones as if it got its kicks from making people’s lives miserable.

I could hear it already. Everyone in Luna Nova was laughing and pointing at me, telling me I was wrong all along. That faceless, tall, dark crowd cackling and grinning and sneering and shaking their heads and―and them just saying that I’m a failure and will always be. A failure. A stupid failure. I could already see Diana in that faceless crowd, turning her nose up at me in disgust as Hannah and Barbara laughed along with the others. I could see Amanda, Jasminka and Constanze shaking their heads in disappointment―utter, utter disappointment. I could see Professor Finneran, Professor Badcock, Professor Lukic, Professor Nelson, Professor Pisces, and even Headmaster Holbrooke all staring down at me from above like towering, gnarled trees―their disappointed, irritated, pointed glares, knowing that I was just damaging the school’s reputation. I even could see Sucy and Lotte fading into that dark, faceless crowd, fading away into their ranks and just―just―just frowning at me, glaring at me like I had embarrassed them as well―like I’ve made them just as foolish as I was in front of everyone else.

I can hear them―I can already hear that jeering, mocking laughter. Even though I found myself leaping onto some park bench I already saw them all sneering, cackling and glaring down on me―glaring down on this pathetic, pitiful, idealistic loser―and now dark tall faceless figures surrounded me and started telling me what a pathetic failure of a witch I am and how I shouldve never gone to Luna Nova and how I was just as terrible if not even worse than Shiny Chariot and no one not even my friends stepped forward to shut all those idiots up but who cares Im a failure anyway they were right they were right all along I shouldve just given up on my dream a long time ago besides I always get people into trouble I always mess things up I always make peoples days worse and Im nothing but a sad girl whos posing as a witch and cant even fly a damn broom so just stop laughing please Im begging you please stop I just want to be alone I dont want to see anyone from Luna Nova especially Chariot I cant believe it I cant believe that Shiny Chariot stole my magic powers how could she do such a horrible thing to all of her fans like that a believing heart is your magic yeah right how can anyone believe they can become a witch if you stole their magic in the first place Im never ever gonna be a witch theres no way in hell now Ive been setup to lose right from the start and you know what I dont want to see Chariot anymore I hate Shiny Chariot I hate her she stole my magic from me Ill never forgive her I hate you Shiny Chariot I dont wanna see your damn face ever again I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you–!

"Akko!"

Oh no, Diana's here. Was she here to tell me how much of a disgrace to magic I am again?

Her shadow fell over me. A glance and I saw a weird thing from her: she looked worried. Diana never worried about me. She never cared for me in the first place, so why was she worried?

Oh, maybe she's worried she won't be able to get mad at me again for being such ditzy idiot. Maybe that's why.

"Akko, you can't stay out here in the cold like this! You'll freeze! Come on," she grabbed my shoulders, "let's go somewhere warm so we can talk."

Growling quietly, I slapped her hands away. "Go away. I just want to be alone."

"Do you seriously want to stay out in the freezing cold like this?"

"Honestly now, I don’t think I’ll mind if I end up turning into an ice statue…"

I heard her gasp. "D-Don't talk like that! Now come on, let's go somewhere warm now."

"Just please," my cold hand snatched her hot wrist and threw it away, "Leave me alone."

"Akko," Her voice became low and even more concerned. I don't think I've ever seen Diana this worried before, which was funny. When was the last time Diana ever worried about me again?

Finally, a serene, calming silence. Even though the winter night wrapped her cold, searing arms all around me I just stared at the snowy ground. My emotions were all still stirring inside me, deep in the pits of my stomach, like it was a hot, boiling pot of stew with poisonous and nasty ingredients thrown in along with the half-decent ones. Diana's shadow still loomed over my feet. Can she not stand so close? Didn't she had better things to do than hang around with a failure like me?

Her hand gripped my shoulder, but I decided it was too much trouble swatting it away. "Akko, whether you feel like it or not, I'm going to get you somewhere warm."

If Diana really wanted to help me, maybe I should just humor her a bit. Just to show her how pathetic I am.

After pulling me up to my feet, she held me by the wrist and dragged me away from the park. She glanced back and her eyes widened when she saw me walking compliantly behind her, but she turned back to the front. We just continued walking through the freezing street in that cold, dreary night.

Heh, am I becoming that depressed American poet or what?

Before I knew it, I realized I was sitting in that Last Wednesday Society shop I had visited once, back when I was with Lotte―my friends―my―some acquaintances of mine. The shopkeep just stood there behind the counter, reading his stupid magazine. For every glance at me I knew he was grinning behind those pages, already aware of what had happened between me and Chariot―Professor―Professor Ursula―She Who Shall Not Be Named. I bet he thought I was a failure and shouldn't have attended Luna Nova too. And he was absolutely right–

"How are you feeling?"

My eyes slowly looked up at Diana's―aggravatingly―kind and concerned eyes. Oh my God, what was she trying to pull here?

She only got silence from me.

Diana's―annoying―smirk turned into―irritating―concern. "Y-You should drink some of that hot chocolate, I'm sure it'll help you ease your mind."

I'll admit, the hot chocolate does look tasty. Grabbing the handle and bottom with both of my hands―not caring if the heat was burning my freezing palms―I took a long sip. My lower lip, tongue and throat screamed as the rest of my mouth heated up from the steam. I ended up gasping and coughing, especially when some of it got into my lungs, but I didn’t care; I think it was deserved.

When I set my mug down, gasping for the air to cool my burning mouth and throat out of instinct, I saw Diana staring at me. "A-Are you alright? That hot chocolate was still hot! You could've at least blew on it..."

My tongue felt terribly sore, but I said nothing.

"I'll admit, I didn't think I would find you sitting out there in the cold like that."

She still got silence. I looked at my knees.

"...I've spoken with Professor Ursula about what happened–"

"So you know she's Chariot?" My teeth gritted at that last word.

My ears pricked at Diana's tiny gasp, then her deep breath. "Yes. I know Professor Ursula is Shiny Chariot. And she told me about how this Dream Fuel Spirit spell absorbed the magic of the people who had attended her shows."

"Then you know how she stole my magic right then and there." My voice was shaky yet it was low and deep, like I was about to scream at her right then and there.

If this keeps up, I might actually do it.

A pause. "Yes, I'm fully aware of that detail." Another pause, but it was longer. When I glanced up I saw Diana looking down at herself with that stupid frown of hers―like she was trying to look like she cared about me. "You may not believe it, but I too was shocked when I heard her say that."

"Really now?"

Diana winced, but she remained firm. "Akko, let me explain what I mean by that."

Her hand reached into her coat, and when it pulled it out my eyes became wide: it was the Shiny Chariot Premium card. The card that I've been trying to find for so long―and Diana had it with her all along.

Wow, I don't know if she's trying to be sympathetic or totally unironic.

"As I understand it, you were quite the collector when it came to these cards. To be honest, even though I collected all the other ones, I was really only interested in this card because it had Shiny Chariot on it."

On one hand, I couldn't believe Diana had it on her. On the other hand, I don't even know if she realizes she's just making herself look stupid.

"What are you trying to get at, Diana?"

"I'm not trying to belittle you as I have done in the past, Akko. I just want you to understand."

"Understand what?"

"Akko, I was actually an admirer of Shiny Chariot."

A scoff burst out of my lips. "That's funny. Last I checked you hated Chariot like all the other professors and students."

"I only did because I had to.” Diana frowned. “You see, when I was young, I was just as enamored with Shiny Chariot like you were, perhaps even more so. In those days, Shiny Chariot was already starting to draw controversy from the magic world, but I was always enchanted by her magic―and how she wanted to spread happiness and joy to the world–"

"–And we both know how well that turned out."

"Akko, just please, listen to me. At least hear what I have to stay before passing on your judgement."

I growled in my throat, but I didn't say anything.

Diana took another deep breath before gazing at me. “As I was saying, I was always enchanted by Shiny Chariot's magic, and how she wanted nothing more than to spread happiness and joy to the world. Most in the magic world thought she was just making fun of magic―that she was making it out as nothing more than a bunch of cheap parlor tricks―but I thought that Chariot was just trying to make people smile. That alone made me admire her more than anything else. When she was performing, I always dreamed of going to her magic shows. To have the chance to see Shiny Chariot and her magic, up front and live, that would've been a dream come true.

"Of course, doing so in public would've drawn ridicule to the Cavendish family, but my mother arranged a secret trip overseas to Japan―where Chariot was performing at the time."

My eyes widened, and I couldn't help but look up and stare at her. "W-What...?"

"Yes," Diana nodded, "I was at that performance you were in. And it was amazing. Her battle with the dragon, the way she transformed into various animals, and the spirits that rose from our hearts and flew out into the horizon," her smile didn't seem completely full, now that I think about it, "i-it exceeded beyond my expectations."

My surprise became a frown again. "And then you lost your magic too, huh?"

Diana gravely gazed at me. "I suppose Andrew told you about it before this? But yes, yes I did. I didn't know it was because of Dream Fuel Spirit at the time, but after I went back home, I suddenly couldn't perform any magic at all; not even the most basic of spells."

"And you said you found out about the Dream Fuel Spirit spell from Chariot, right? Then you know why I don't want to see her again."

"Yeah, I understand the feeling; that's what I meant earlier." Diana's grave face became a frown, and I thought it was starting to look more appropriate now. Then it became determined, and my eyes widened. "But you can't let this get to you, Akko. You can still regain yours magic; I was able to do it!"

I only chuckled bitterly. "That's 'cause you are the best student in all of Luna Nova. Of course you would be able do it."

She shook her head and still gave me that―infuriating―determined look. "No. My family had nothing to do with me regaining magic. Actually, my family had all but given up on me. Most people did. After all, how could a Cavendish reach her full potential if she couldn't even perform a basic metamorphosis spell?"

"Funny how what's coming from your mouth is basically me in a nutshell."

"Akko. What happened to the both of us is unfortunate―and believe me, I still have questions as to why Shiny Chariot even used the Dream Fuel Spirit spell in the first place―but is moping around going to change the fact that you can't do magic?"

My eyebrows began furrowing, my lips began pursing, my teeth began clenching, and my throat began burning.

"Then how did you get your magic back?"

"I didn't give up. I wanted to prove myself that I can become the head of the Cavendish family, yes, that is very much true, but to say that was my only reason would be a gross misunderstanding. I love magic; Shiny Chariot's performance had showed me that. And it was that burning passion for magic that got me through failure after failure after failure. I wanted to become like Chariot no matter what―and I wasn't going to give up until I became as great of a witch as her."

Her determined face became a frown again. "I may sympathize with the fact that Shiny chariot was responsible for stealing our magic," but then it became hard again, "But I won't be as forgiving of your plight when it comes to your magic. If I, Diana Cavendish, originally destined to never perform magic ever again, can do it―then even you, Atsuko Kagari, can do it. I am living proof that one affected by Dream Fuel Spirit can indeed regain one’s magic again!"

There was silence yet again as Diana waited for me, but it was thick and heavy. I was shivering. And it wasn't because I was cold. My hands were clenched, my teeth were gritted, my brows were furrowed, my eyes were closed―

―and then I shot up and slammed my fists on the table and glared straight into Diana’s bewildered eyes.

"You may have regained your magic because you loved it―but me? I hate magic! I hate it! I’ll never become a great witch! In fact, I don’t want to be a witch anymore! I don’t want have to do anything with magic or being a witch! I hate her, Diana!” I hiccupped as I felt the tears trickling down. “I hate Shiny Chariot! She stole my magic from me! She lied to me! She lied to me about how a believing heart is my magic! And yet, look at me! Look at me! I can’t even fly a damn broom for God’s sake! That lying, magic-stealing―” my breath wheezed, “I’ll never forgive her, Diana! I’ll never forgive that liar!”

Diana stared at me with wide eyes. "A-Akko…?"

"Save it Diana! Just save it!" My throat was burning as I choked out tears. "I was stupid! I was naive! That liar stole my magic right in front of me and I was too much of a daydreaming dumbass to even realize it! You were right Diana! You and everyone were right all along! Shiny Chariot is the worst! She made me think an ordinary girl like me could become a great witch when in reality I just made a fool out of myself and everyone around me! Everyone in Luna Nova was right to call me out for how much I was a complete bother to them all!

Diana still looked at me with that wide-eyed, almost horrified stare. It only made me bare my teeth and glared right into her very soul.

"You wanted me to leave Luna Nova, right? Right?! Well I'm leaving! There, now you don't have to deal with this daydreaming idiot anymore! You won't have to deal with a selfish jerk who only thinks about herself and ruins other people’s days! You won't have to deal with this stupid, childish kid who's just being a burden on you!"

A deep, heavy silence. My burning throat became searing. My anger twisted into a frown, and out of all the times I've cried―I never cried harder in my entire life.

"That's right, you heard me!" I slammed my fists onto the table and I swiped my mug off of it and harsh shrieking came from the floor. "You will never have to deal with this sore, wannabe loser anymore ever again!"

Before she could even say anything I bolted out of my chair and ran for the door. But before I went outside I turned to her and stared right into her eyes again; I couldn't stop the crying and the hiccuping and the sniffling.

"Goodbye, Diana."

And then it was a blur as the winter night embraced me again. I think I shoved through Lotte and Sucy as well as the others; I think I also heard Diana screaming for me. But I was pretty sure I was far, far away from them all by then.

I just ran. I ran―and ran―and ran―and ran until I couldn't keep running and collapsed onto my knees.

And―sobbing. Nothing but painful―miserable sobbing. When I had thought I couldn’t cry as hard as I did back there―I sobbed even harder. I sobbed―and sobbed―and sobbed―and sobbed until I couldn’t sob anymore. When I cried out all of my tears I whimpered hoarsely instead. On that white, freezing sidewalk I curled up into a ball―whimpering and breathing. The winter wind’s arms embraced me again, and her embrace was probably the only thing comforting me; if you could even call it that.

There was nothing but whimpers and breathing in the dark and empty snowy road that cold, dreary, winter night.

Chapter Text

"You're lying!"

And everything blended together into a dark-blue blur flecked with orange splotches like a burning street at night. I never looked back; I didn't want to look back; I rather not look back.

A thousand conflicting feelings I have and never have felt stirred in me. It was like a hundred butterflies were fluttering in my stomach with nowhere to go. My throat burned, my legs grew heavy, and my eyes were wet; the cruel winter wind was chilly and yet wasn't, like being aware of feeling cold and feeling cold just stopped connecting altogether.

I could hear it already―the laughs of all the people in Luna Nova, sneering and pointing at me, telling me I was wrong all along, telling me I was a failure, a stupid failure. I already saw Diana turning her nose up at me while Hannah and Barbara snickered and cackled; Amanda, Jasminka, Constanze, they just shook their heads in utter, utter disappointment and looked away; Professor Finneran, Professor Badcock, Professor Lukic, Professor Nelson, Professor Pisces, even Headmaster Holbrooke―they all glared down at me like gnarled, towering trees with rows and rows of marks on their trunks, reminders of every little mistake I made, every little embarrassing thing I did, every stupid and childish thing I said, everything that alone sunk Luna Nova's reputation and ruined everyone's standing.

Even Sucy and Lotte were turning away, frowning―glaring―resentful of how much I embarrassed them, made them as embarrassing as I was.

It didn't take long for me to find some park bench, but they were all hounding me: the jeering, the mocking, the sneering, the cackling, the glaring―the crying―it just wouldn't stop. Pathetic, pitiful, naive, gullible―the perfect blend to make an idealistic, starry-eyed loser.

Cold, so cold; frost on my clothes and my throat burned, shadows dancing around me; everyone telling me what a pathetic failure I am, that I shouldn't have gone to Luna Nova, that I'm just as bad―if not worse―than Shiny Chariot; friends distancing themselves from me in order to save face; my stomach tightening and my chest heaving and my face grimacing because I'm a failure and they were right, they were right all along; should've given up a long time ago, always caused trouble, always messed things up, always ruined everyone's day, always disappointed people; nothing but a sad girl posing as a witch who couldn't even fly a damn broom, not even worth teaching or befriending; legs curling up, arms hugging my knees, soaked eyes burying into my arms, chest throbbing; the laughing and sobbing won't stop, won't leave me alone; can't ever look anyone at Luna Nova in the eye ever again―especially Chariot.

Arms strangling my knees, stomach churning and chest now burning; can't believe what she's done; stole my magic, stole my life; horrible, utter betrayal of her fans and what she preached; a believing heart can't be my magic if Chariot had already stolen it; why become a witch, why did I want this; doomed from the start, set up to fail, all that hard work for nothing; it was all for nothing, no chance in hell to be a great witch; can never be a witch; can never see Chariot the same way again; won't ever see her damn face again; can never forgive her, never; hate her; stole my hopes and dreams; hate you; I hate you; teeth gritting, eyes wide and face contorted, throat hoarse from crying; I hate you Shiny Chariot; I hate you; I hate you, can't cry enough, I hate you, I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you–

"Akko!"

I jumped and blinked, but my surprise became shame―Diana ran up to me, catching her breath. Oh no. Was she here to tell me how much of a disgrace to magic I am again? Weirdly, she looked worried; Diana never worried about me, or ever cared for me at all, really, so why did she look worried?

Oh, maybe she's just worried about losing her chance to put me down again for being such a ditzy idiot. Maybe that's why. Can't really blame her, I kinda had it coming after all.

Diana took one more breath as she looked at me. "Akko, you can't stay out here in the cold like this! What if you catch a cold? Come on," she said, grabbing my wrist with a gentleness I didn't expect, "let's get you warmed up."

I slapped her hand; she recoiled, staring at me. "Go away," I growled. "Just leave me alone."

"A-Akko," Diana murmured, that weird look still on her face. Have I ever worried her this much before? No, that's not possible. Yet, she touched and rubbed my shoulder. "It's cold. I―I don't want to see you freeze like this."

"Don't care. Just leave me be."

Diana frowned and looked away.

Why was she so worried? It's not like Diana ever cared for me before; wasn't she the one who told me I was a disgrace to magic? Didn't she had better things to do than hang around with a failure like me?

And yet, weirdly, she just squeezed my shoulder in a gentle way too. "I-I can't, Akko. I can't leave you like this. I'm sorry, but I'm need to get you somewhere warm."

Diana was being annoying, but I couldn't care enough to slap her hand again when she pulled me up to my feet. Honestly, if she really wanted to me help, I should probably just humor her for a little bit―show her how pathetic I really am.

Her hand was warm―comforting almost―around mine. She led me out of the park, looking back at me every now and then, to who knows where. We just walked down the street in that cold, dreary night.

It was all a blur, but the mug of hot chocolate in my hand brought me back. Diana and I were sat face-to-face in the Last Wednesday Society Shop I visited once with Lotte―my friends―my―some acquaintances of mine. The shopkeep was reading his magazine behind the counter, but he might as well be sneering in safety, like he knew what happened between Chariot―Professor―Professor Ursula―She Who Shall Not Be Named―and I and had known how much of a failure I was all along. He probably actually wasn't, but if he really was then he was absolutely right–

Diana's hand touched mine, her eyes―aggravatingly―kind and concerned. "How are you feeling?"

I sat in silence. God, what was she trying to pull here?

Diana's―stupid―concern now came up again. "You like sweets, right? A little hot chocolate should warm you up."

For once, I had to agree with her―the hot chocolate did smell delicious. Grabbing the mug―my palms burned, but I didn't care―I chugged it all down―only for the chocolate to burn my mouth and throat. I chocked and coughed, Diana shooting up to rub my back as she held my hand―like some weirdo―until my windpipe started clearing up.

It burned and hurt, but whatever―I don't care any more.

"You okay, Akko?" Diana murmured, now back to rubbing my shoulder. "Sorry, I ordered it really hot for you…"

I didn't speak. Don't be sorry.

Diana fetched me cool water and had me drink it. Setting the glass aside, she took her seat again and we fell back into that awkward silence. Not once did I even looked her way; I ended up looking at my knees.

"I-I'll admit," Diana said, finally breaking the silence. "I didn't think I would find you sitting out there in the cold like that."

"What did you expect, then?" I huffed.

Diana frowned. "I don't know, but certainly not like this…"

The awkward silence settled again.

"…I've spoken with Professor Ursula about what happened."

My teeth gritted. "So you know she's Chariot?"

I swore I heard Diana gasped before taking a deep breath. "Yes. I'm fully aware of the professor's real identity. She told me about how this Dream Fuel Spirit spell absorbed the magic of the people who had attended her shows."

"Then you know how she stole my magic right then and there," I growled, my voice trembling with hate. At this rate, I might actually scream at Diana right then and there.

Diana frowned again and nodded. "Regrettably, yes." She looked down, that stupid frown of hers totally fake―trying to look like she really did care about me. "You might find this hard to believe, but I too was shocked when I found out."

"Really now?"

Diana winced but she covered it up, always calm with her emotions like that. "Let me explain."

Reaching into her pocket, Diana pulled out a Shiny Chariot Premium card. I stared at her and the card, eyes wide. The card I've been trying to find for so long, and she had it with her all along!

But my excitement died the moment it flared. Was Diana trying to be sympathetic or totally unironic? Still, on one hand, I couldn't believe she had it with her all this time; on the other hand, I don't even know if she knows she just making herself look stupid with that stupid collector's card.

"As I understand it," she said, "you were quite the collector when it came to these cards. To be honest, I shared your enthusiasm as well. Only, I was only ever really interested in this Premium card since it had Shiny Chariot on it."

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, and what's your point?"

"I'm not belittling or going to belittle you, Akko," Diana said, shaking her head, a sadness now in her eyes. "Not anymore. A-Arguably, I never should have done it in the first place, and would I like to formally apologize for everything. But that needs to be saved for another time, right now I just want you to understand something."

"What?" I spat.

Diana shifted in her seat. "…I-I was actually an admirer of Shiny Chariot."

I scoffed. "Funny you say that. Last I checked, you hated Chariot like everyone else."

"Only because I had to. It wouldn't do me or my family name any favors if people found out I loved Shiny Chariot. But I was just as enamored with her like you back then, perhaps moreso, and I was always enchanted by her magic and how she wanted to spread happiness and joy to the world–"

"–And we both know how well that turned out."

Diana winced, then frowned. "I―I understand the irony of that statement now, but please hear me out."

I looked away and let my eyes wander, but I didn't say anything.

"As I was saying," Diana said, daring to touch my hand once more, "Her brand of magic is certainly enchanting, but what I found most mesmerizing about her was her desire to bring happiness and joy to the world. Of course, there was a lot of people who thought she was making fun of magic, disrespecting the craft and its history with what was tantamount to cheap parlor tricks, but that explanation never really sat right with me. I saw how much she brought joy to people, how much she inspired them to take up magic. That alone made me admire her more than anything else, really.

"Back when she was performing, I always dreamed of going to her magic shows." Diana lips turned into a―stupid and fake―smile. "To have a chance to see Shiny Chariot and her magic, live and up front, that would've been a dream come true. But of course, my family would've been ridiculed the world over if they found out one of their own attended a Shiny Chariot show. Still, it didn't stop my mother from arranging a secret trip to Chariot's Japan showing at the time…"

I stared at her, eyes wide. "Wait, w-what…?"

Diana nodded. "Yes, her Japanese showing, I was in it as well. And it was amazing. That battle with the dragon, the way she transformed so seamlessly into various animals, the spirits that rose from our hearts and flew into the horizons," Diana chuckled, her smiler even fuller up until the last part. "It, well, it exceeded beyond my wildest expectations."

"And then you lost your magic too, huh?"

"I suppose Andrew had told you about it before?" Diana said, her smile disappearing into a grave look. "But correct, I did. I had no idea it was because of Dream Fuel Spirit at the time, but after we went back home, I suddenly couldn't perform any magic at all. Not even the most basic of spells. Everyone was shocked, too."

I killed my surprise and replaced it with a frown. "You found out about Dream Fuel Spirit from Chariot, right? Then you know why I don't want to see her again."

"I understand the feeling, Akko. Maybe even as much as you do." Diana's look became a frown to the point of sadness, and honestly that looked way more appropriate than her silly attempts to be kind; then she furrowed her brows and gazed at me. "But you can't let this get to you, Akko. You can still regain your magic! It's possible! I was able to do it!"

A bitter chuckle's all Diana got. "That's 'cause you're the best student in all of Luna Nova. Of course you could do it. Unlike me."

Diana shook her head, her―infuriating―look still determined. "Akko, I also understand irony of what I just said considering what I did, what I said to you back then, a-and I'm," she―surprisingly―choked, "I'm ashamed of it. Really. Not only that, my own family had actually given up on me. Everyone I knew, everyone they knew, they had written me off as a lost cause. I mean, how could a Cavendish reach her full potential if she couldn't even perform a basic metamorphosis spell?"

"Then you're even a bigger hypocrite than I thought," I snarled, not even sparing her a glance. "I almost can't believe that you went through the same thing I did, and yet looked down at me like everyone else."

Diana grimaced, and for a moment I thought I saw tears rolling down her cheeks, but maybe I was imagining it. Why would she even cry? She still looked at me with pursed lips. "I know, I'm sorry for what I said to you, and I wish I could take it all back, Akko. I really do. What happened to the both of us is unfortunate, and believe me, I still want to know why Shiny Chariot used such a horrible thing in the first place."

And then she picked up and cradled my hand, trying to smile, and it was then I realized I wasn't imagining those tears. "Listen to me, Akko. I-I know you're in a really dark place, but will that change the fact you can't do magic?"

My body froze. My teeth clenched, my throat burned, my chest tightened, my everything tensed with a force that could tear trees apart. "…Then, how did you get your magic back?"

"This'll sound so trite, but I didn't give up," Diana chuckled, still cradling my hand. "Yes, I did out of a desire to prove myself that I can still become the head of my family, that much is true. But to say that was my sole drive would really miss why I kept going. I love magic. Shiny Chariot, for all her faults, had shown me what it can truly do in the right hands. That burning passion for magic that she inspired, it got me through failure after failure after failure. It also got me through ridicule and shame, and while there were times where I really did believe everything everyone said about me, I couldn't reconcile that with my desire to become like Shiny Chariot no matter what. I wanted, no, needed to become as great of a witch as her.

"That said, Shiny Chariot stole our magic," Diana said, her gaze hardening. "I know how devastating it must feel, to have your own idol betray you like that." Her hands then cupped mine with a firm gentleness. "You can't give up, not now Akko. Not after everything you've been through! If I, Diana Cavendish, originally destined to never perform magic ever again, shamed and ostracized for believing she could change her fate, was able to regain her magic, then even you, Atsuko Kagari, can do it! I am living proof that one affected by Dream Fuel Spirit can, indeed, regain their magic again! There's still hope for you!"

Silence fell again, and it was thick and heavy. Diana put my hand down and reclined on her seat, waiting for my answer with equal parts hope and fear. I shivered and trembled, clenched my hands, gritted teeth, squeezed my eyes, furrowed my brows and…

…And shot up, slamming my fists, and glared right into Diana's bewildered eyes.

"You may have regained your magic because you loved it, but me? I hate magic! I hate it! I'll never become a great witch. In fact, I don't even want to become one anymore! I don't want to have to do anything with magic or being a witch! I hate Shiny Chariot! I hate her! How could she steal our magic like that and lie?! She lied to me, Diana! She lied about how a believing heart is my magic! I can't believe I bought her lie all this time, and, and, and look at me! Look at me! I can't even fly a damn broom! That lying, magic-stealing," I hiccupped, her horrified face blurring as tears rolled down my cheeks. "I'll never forgive her, Diana! I'll never forgive that liar!"

Diana cupped her mouth, unable to look at me, her chest heaving. "A-Akko, please, it's going to be okay–"

"Save it Diana, just save it! You were right! I was so stupid, so naive for believing in her! That liar stole my magic right in front of me and I was too much of a daydreaming dumbass to even realize it!"

"Akko, don't say that, you're not–"

"No, you were right!" I yelled, my throat burning. "You and everyone else were right all along! Shiny Chariot is the worse! She made me think an ordinary girl like me could become a great witch when in reality I just made a fool out of myself and everyone around me! Everyone in Luna Nova was right to call me out for much I was a complete bother to them all!

Diana shut her eyes and her voice was trembling. "Akko, I-I was wrong, I shouldn't have, please, j-just don't–"

"Don't be a hypocrite! You wanted me to leave Luna Nova, right? Right?!" I bared my teeth and stared into her very soul. "Well, you got your wish! I'm leaving! Happy now? You won't have to deal with this daydreaming idiot anymore! You won't have to deal with a selfish jerk who only thinks about herself and embarrasses herself and everyone else around her! You won't have to deal with this stupid, childish kid who's just a burden on you and everyone else for some stupid dream of hers!"

The silence fell again, deep and heavy. Diana didn't even look at me, just tense and whimpering like she―hypocritical as she is―actually regretted everything. My throat seared. My anger twisted itself into a grimace, and out of all the times I cried in my life, I have never cried harder.

I clenched my fists and threw the mug off of the table, a shatter piercing the silence. "There. That's what everyone wants, right?" I murmured, voice hoarse and low amidst the sobbing. "You don't have to worry about this sore, wannabe loser every again…"

"A-Akko," Diana cried, her hand snaking onto mine.

I slapped it away and bolted out of there.

But then I froze right between the door way. I couldn't look back at her, and it was so hard to stop the crying and hiccuping and sniffling and it was so cold and yet it didn't…

"Goodbye, Diana."

Everything blurred again as the winter night embraced me. I think I bumped into Lotte and Sucy, but it was better if they don't see me again―they probably just wanted to say how much they hated me now. I could hear Diana screaming for my name, some kind desperation in her voice that I never heard before, but it shouldn't matter, right? She really regretted everything?

I find that hard to believe.

When I had ran, and ran, and ran, until I was sure I was far, far away from everything―and I was by my lonesome, surrounded by drifting snowflakes―my screaming legs gave out and I fell onto my knees. And sobbing. Painful, miserable, pitiful sobbing. Cried even harder than back there. Tears dried up, snot pooled on biting snow, hoarse throat and whimpers. Curled up, sidewalk freezing and caked with snow, embraced by snow and chill.

Empty night, hope lost, dream shattered, resent, resent, just resent and burned out hate and a hurt far deeper than any wound imaginable…