Work Text:
《New Message in Golden Boys chat》
9:00pm
tae-hung: ugggg this fxin midterm paper save me
gukkie: wasn't that posted a month ago
tae-hung: unow noone does thr essay in advance thats dumb
gukkie: you're dumb.
gukkie: also, change your username. it's misleading. i’ve seen you in the locker rooms.
tae-hung: that doesn't warrant a response. if i didn't have this essy id prove it
Gukkie changed his username.
wishes_hewereme: are you threatening to expose yourself right now
wishes_hewereme changed his username.
tae-hung changed his username.
thisessayisharderthanmydick: you wiSh
JG: ew. please go study.
10:43pm
thisessayisharderthanmydick: fujk is been like 5 hours I got nothing
JG: stop texting me then
thisessayisharderthanmydick: can you write this for me
JG: no.
JG changed his username.
thisessayisharderthanmydick: :( :O ㅠㅠ
PartyPoOper: stop stalling.
2:18am
thisessayisharderthanmydick: 2 pages and I don't have any more to say
thisessayisharderthanmydick: it needs to be 8
thisessayisharderthanmydick: fkcuk
thisessayisharderthanmydick: *fujk
thisessayisharderthanmydick: *duck
thisessayisharderthanmydick: God ducking dammit
thisessayisharderthanmydick: *FCUK
3:27am
thisessayisharderthanmydick changed his username.
toohung2dieyoung: 3.5
toohung2dieyoung: pgs
toohung2dieyoung: .
4:56am
toohung2dieyoung: 6 pages bitchAaaa
toohung2dieyoung: *bite
toohung2dieyoung: *bitch
toohung2dieyoung changed his username.
Fuxme changed his username.
5:15am
saveme: margins in extra, .1in
saveme: ha like your dick
saveme: 2.1 spacing
saveme: dat double space after period bringing back the gentleman's formatting
saveme changed his username.
5:16am
MotherFuckinGentleman: 7 pages fuck
7:25am
PartyPoOper: did you finish
PartyPoOper changed his username.
JG: your class is at 8
7:26am
MotherFuckinGentleman: FUUUUUCK
MotherFuckinGentleman: I feel sleek
MotherFuckinGentleman: fell asleep
MotherFuckinGentleman: drooled on this goddamn paper
MotherFuckinGentleman: shit shit shit
7:35am
MotherFuckinGentleman: ok made title bigger
MotherFuckinGentleman: added some random spaces
MotherFuckinGentleman: header bigger
MotherFuckinGentleman: 7,5 pages that'll have to do
MotherFuckinGentleman: [shrekdonkeythatlldo.gif]
7:46am
MotherFuckinGentleman changed his username.
JG: [shrekislovescreenshot.jpeg]
jeongguktoldmeso: duck you
jeongguktoldmeso: fujk toy
jeongguktoldmeso: you
JG: *fuck
jeongguktoldmeso: -______-
9:45am
jeongguktoldmeso changed his username.
upallnight: well im not the only one
JG: who is terrible at school and life?
upallnight: I hate you
upallnight: whatever I just need a c and then im done with these gen eds
upallnight changed his username.
JG: setting the bar high
JG: thank God you're not becoming a lit professor
JG: or teacher of any kind
JG: oh wait
CsGetDegrees: ha fucking ha
CsGetDegrees: we can't all be smug fucjs like you making 80k out of school
JG changed his username.
smugfucker: I'm still in school
CsGetDegrees: finance majors I swear to Christ
smugfucker: don't, he might hear you
CsGetDegrees: ignoring you
9:49am
CsGetDegrees: wanna get breakfast
smugfucker: ok
smugfucker: you're buying.
CsGetDegrees: :*
CsGetDegrees: ok fine bt were going to mr toast
CsGetDegrees: to TOAST my achievements
CsGetDegrees changed his username.
smugfucker: we don't even know if you passed
AinmyDNA: how DARE you
AinmyDNA: and you call urself A gentleman
smugfucker: when have I ever said that?
smugfucker: I don't think that's my nickname on campus ;)
smugfucker changed his username.
AinmyDNA: omg stfu
AinmyDNA: ppl think ur so cool but you're such an attention whore
JeonGentleman changed his username.
pancakewhore: an attention whore who's getting free breakfast
pancakewhore: [deepthroatpancake.gif] [cashflying.jpg]
AinmyDNA changed his username.
BuyinghisBFFbreakfast: I hate u
BuyinghisBFFbreakfast: see you in 15
《New Text from Namjoon》
NJ
I'm not asking you for advice.
Because we all know that you are super awkward around girls.
But they are all into you for whatever reason. But theoretically
JG
wow thanks hyung
NJ
If I were trying to impress someone
JG
you are Like the most awkward turtle I know
this can't end well
but go on
NJ
Wow with that vote of confidence
Why are we friends again
JG
because you want to learn my ways
NJ
...
You don't have ways
You literally just stand around and hide behind me
And glare
But maybe you do something I'm not seeing
(While you're cowering back there)
JG
i resent that
i’m fucking great
NJ
You did get that one junior girl to go home with you
It didn't make any sense
We are still puzzling it
JG
i remember her face
but I don't remember her name
NJ
Omg
You are actually the worst
JG
didn't you come here asking for advice
are you ever going to ask
NJ
Nevermind
I'll just die alone
JG
aww hyung don't say that
your cats will be there
NJ
[Middle finger emoji]
《New Text from Taehyung》
TH
can u come pick me up
JG
so needy
sure
where are you
TH
police station
JG
what the fuck
are you ok?
what happened
TH
fight
JG
who were they
tell me their names
TH
just some assohles from my old school
don't wanna talk abt it
can u just pick m up pls
JG
in the car now
just
stay there
omw
《New Text from Namjoon》
NJ
Jimin said he saw Tae being escorted off campus???
And said he won't answer his texts
JG
yeah
some fucks from his hometown were talking shit about his family
NJ
Oh shit
JG
yeah
NJ
Especially now…
Shit
Motherfuckers
JG
yeah
he hasn't told me their names
but I'll find out from yoongi
NJ
Don't do anything dumb
Jin can only do so much
Let us know if we can help with Tae
JG
yeah
ttyl
《Message Sent to Min Yoongi》
JG
hyung i need a favor
YG
What s up
JG
what are the names of those punks from your old school
YG
Not sure I should give you that information
JG
tae cleaned the entire apartment
then studied for 2 hours
And now is currently a burrito in my bed
not speaking to anyone
YG
Well shit
Let me do some sleuthing
Let's fuck em up
JG
my man
thanks
《New Message from Min Yoongi》
YG
[File attached]
Don't do anything I wouldn't do
YG
I think I'll have some fun with their online accounts
《New Message from Taehyung》
TH
hyung where ru
woke up and ur not here
JG
be back soon
want me to pick up some of that jjajangmyeon
?
TH
ok
thnx
come backk soon
《New Message in Cool Hyungs Chat》
12:18AM
Gukkman97: yo if anyone's awake i could use some help
Jimintyfresh: Is this a “don't say yes unless you want to be complicit”
Gukkman97: …
Gukkman97: yes
YourHope: well count me in
YourHope: who are we burying
Jimintyfresh: omg
Jimintyfresh: did you do something to those boys
Gukkman97: maybe
Gukkman97: they're just a lot heavier than I thought they would be
Jimintyfresh: probably because they're giant assholes
YourHope: ew
YourHope: lol
Jmintyfresh: shut up
YourHope: i didn't say anything
Jmintyfresh: i can see you laughing
YourHope: ow he just threw his shoe at me
Gukkman97: focus please, are you going to help me or not
Jmintyfresh: yeah we're in
YourHope: where u at boi
Gukkman97: in the courtyard behind the studio
1:05AM
YourHope: wow let's not mess with that kid
YourHope: i cannot unsee, I cannot unknow
YourHope: are we going to jail
Jmintyfresh: your so dramatic
Jmintyfresh: tae is lucky to have a roommate like that
YourHope: “roommate”
Seen by Gukkman97.
YourHope: oops was this not a private chat lol
YourHope: ow! stop throwing shit at me
Jmintyfresh: well stop gossiping and come practice
YourHope: haven't we done enough physical labor for one day
YourHope: and don't worry im sure your roommate would do the same
YourHope: ...“roommate”
YourHope: rescue damsel Jimin
YourHope: rescue you with his [eggplant emoji]
YourHope: i mean have you seen him in sweatpants? *fans self*
YourHope: owww ok geeeeeeez getting up getting up
YourHope: (worth it)
《Message Sent to Taehyung》
JG
project went later than expected
takeout place is closed
ill treat you tomorrow
But I got some snacks from 711
TH
coffee?
JG
Yep got those dry mix sugar bombs you like so much
TH
:)
《New Message from Min Yoongi》
YG
Might have leaked their credit card numbers
Might have also sent Facebook messages to their moms
From their own accounts
Detailing their current grades
And recent purchases
Oops my bad
YG
Lmk if he's up for ramen later
JG
earning that genius title
will do
《New Message from Taehyung》
TH
where ru
JG
Getting your lunch
Drink your coffee crazy
TH
Ok :)
《New Message from Taehyung》
TH
Wtf
What did you do
JG
?
TH
Those butt wipes came into lecture lookin shifty and fkd up
couldnt make eye contact
idk what you did but somehow I know it's ur fault
JG
maybe
TH
Jeon jeongguk
What is your problem
JG
they are
TH
I don't need your help
But tthx
I guess
JG
you're my friend
i'm always going to take care of you
TH
That's my job as hyung
JG
but i'm bigger
TH
Ew
Also, not true
;)
JG
-_____-
[Rihannaeyeroll.gif]
《New Message in No Kids Allowed Chat》
Hobi: so are there like... any other secret romances I need to know about
Hobi: don't want to walk in on anyone
Hobi: again *gags*
BabyJ: What are you even talking about
FeeFiFoNam: That was ONE TIME
FeeFiFoNam: And it wsnt t eben what you thought
FeeFiFoNam: He needed help with his zipper!!!!
Hobi: doesn't explain why your face was down there
FeeFiFoNam: I forgot my glasses
FeeFiFoNam: You know i have astigmatism
BabyJ: oh is that what were calling it
FeeFiFoNam: Shut up like you can talk
YoonGenius: I remember someone rage crying to me about their sad boner so everyone here is equally pathetic
JintheElder: can you all shut up now, some of us have jobs that require a full nights sleep
BabyJ: [NedandIhavejobs.gif]
JintheElder: lol
Hobi: ya hyung when are you cooking us poor starved college kids dinner again
JintheElder: when you treat me with the respect I deserve
JintheElder: lol jk I know that's as likely as Jimin making a move
Hobi: oh shiiiiiiit *Mic drop*
JintheElder: maybe I'll make some japchae
FeeFiFoNam: Yesssssss nom nom
JintheElder: what do you call a fake noodle?
BabyJ: please don't
JintheElder: an imPASTA
Hobi: no
FeeFiFoNam: .....
YoonGenius: well as fun as this is (it's not) I'm going to sleep
BabyJ: I'm out
JintheElder: well i'm laughing
JintheElder: impasta
JintheElder: heh
《New Message in Bulletproof Boys》
Namjoon: post exam movie night celebration at my house
Jin: I'll be cooking
Jin: in case anyone needs convincing
Taebaby: were innnnn
JHope: who's we
Taebaby: me and kookie
JHope: oh you're in something all right
Jimin: don't be gross, he's too young
Taebaby: ?
Kookie: ignore the haters
JHope changed his username.
HoeSucker: wow real mature
HoeSucker changed his username.
Kookie: they're just jealous of our youth
Suga: jealous of how you can't drive a rental car? If that makes you sleep better at night
JHope: I know how you put ppl to sleep. I CANNOT UNSEE
Jimin: what?
JHope: like we don't all know about suga [eggplant emoji]
Kookie: you're right I'm too young for this shit.
Kookie: gross old men
Taebaby: ill protect you my child
Taebaby: close your eyes
JHope: wow
JHope: oblivious
JHope: all of you
Namjoon: ok but no one has answered besides tae
Jin: and you all better hurry before joonie breaks anymore of the nice china i bought
Namjoon: I was just trying to make the place settings look nice!
Namjoon: ㅠㅠ
Jin: well ill forgive you if you stop texting and come help me clean up
Suga: two old maids over here
Jimin: ha
Kookie: i literally just saw you and yoongi shopping for knit scarves, i don't think you can talk
Taebaby: you went shopping without me??
Kookie: we can go when you clean up the kitchen
Taebaby: okkkk
Suga: also I'm down for tonight
Jimin: same. I finish practice in a few
Taebaby: ill drag kookie with me
JHope: I'll be there
JHope: even though ill be 7th wheel
JHope: I need new friends
Namjoon: see you all soon!
JHope: some will be coming earlier than others [creeper.jpg]
JHope: ㅋㅋ
JHope: I'll see myself out
《New Message in Dance Babes》
2:03am
taeee: thx for not calling me out for crying on u during the movie
taeee: Nj has like terrible taste for real
GukkMoves: Yeah he thinks he's a Sundance judge just bc he chooses existential-film-noir-but-actually-just-torture-porn-b-rated movies. black and white doesn't automatically mean good
taeee: rite?? >.<
taeee: and thx for.. everything else
taeee: annoying but
taeee: i do appreciate it
taeee: love you boo
GukkMoves: [HanSoloIKnow.gif]
taeee: -___-
GukkMoves: i got your back
GukkMoves: now and always
2:33am
Seen by YourDanceHope.
YourDanceHope: oh my god
YourDanceHope: get a(nother chat) room
YourDanceHope: jesus take the wheel
YourDanceHope: i'm done
YourDanceHope: hobi out