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An irrational fear: a Taejin Christmas story
“So you have claustrophobia?” Jimin kept refreshing the social media on his phone trying to distract himself of the whole situation around them.
Taehyung sighed and stared at his friend next to him. “No, Jimin. That’s when you’re scared of closed spaces… I have… clausophobia, which means…”
“You’re scared of Santa Claus.” The brown haired boy completed the idea.
“No. Again, I’m not scared of Santa Claus… I just feel uncomfortable when someone dresses up as him for Christmas. That’s it.” Taehyung shrugged.
“It sounds like you’re scared.” Jimin crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.
“It’s not that weird, okay! I like the drawings and the animated movies, the Santa’s merchandising… but I simply dislike the idea of an old creep wearing a costume. Many people are scared of clowns or dwarfs… I don’t like people dressing up as Santa Claus.”
“Then, again, why are we here?”
Jimin asked the right questions. They were at the mall, in the middle of a line within half a hundred children waiting for their opportunity to meet Santa and tell him what they wanted for Christmas. For Taehyung, it was a bit more complex than a bike or an Xbox game.
“Because since Hoseok can’t shut his mouth and he shouted «you’re scared of Santa Claus!» in the middle of the campus I have to prove otherwise and I need evidence.”
“Tae you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We are already in the mall, let’s go shopping and then back home to watch Keeping up with the Kardashians Christmas special with ginger cookies and peppermint mocha, what you say?”
The plan was tempting and Taehyung had never resisted to a KUWTK Christmas special. It was a must during the holiday season but his conviction was stronger.
“I say I can’t live under the tag of being the guy that’s scared of Santa Claus… which I’m not.”
“Right, but after your picture, you’re paying the coffee. For real, couldn’t you think about a better solution than this?” He got closer and whispered. “I think one of the kids behind us just peed himself.”
“Deal. It will be fast, the row is moving already.”
They kept chatting until there were less than three children in front of them. Then the panic of an early memory came across Taehyung’s mind.
Back when he was six and his uncle had dressed up as Santa Claus to surprise little Taehyungie, siblings, and cousins. There was just a problem, the costume was one size less than the one he was supposed to wear, after a while, he started suffocating and got a bit dizzy.
Not to say Taehyung was at the time the smallest and the one that ended up situating behind the man in the suit. At some point, he couldn’t resist anymore and after being trapped in the cheap fabric for more than two hours, the man collapsed on his back and unfortunately, on Taehyung.
Taehyung gulped. It hadn’t been one of his favorite Christmas and it ruined Santa Claus forever for him and for his cousins after they discovered their uncle under the itchy red fabric. Nevertheless, Taehyung was by far the most traumatized –for obvious reasons-.
When the time came, he didn’t even notice the guy behind the suit wasn’t the same that when they started waiting in line. The poor forty-something guy who was in the first shift –and was pretty much done after almost a hundred of children sitting on his lap- it was time for a break –and probably to smoke outside but don’t tell the children.-
In replacement, there was a younger Santa, one with light brown hair and lovely eyes, a handsome Christmas worker disguised under a fake white beard and a rented red suit. However, Taehyung was about to have a panic attack and he was in no condition to notice the change, on the other hand, his second in command, Jimin, was way too busy with a never-ending compilation video of pets wearing socks.
By the time it was his turn, Taehyung was sweating and very, very pale. He even jumped when Jimin patted his shoulder to encourage him.
“Take your picture so we can get out of Santa Claus Village.” Suddenly Jimin fixed his eyes on the boy. “Tae, are you okay?”
“Y-yes. I’m-”
“Next.” The elf in charge announced, making the brunette squealed.
Taehyung adjusted a few loose locks under his fuchsia beanie trying to gain some confidence.
The Christmas village was full of lights hanging from the ceiling, trees with fake snow all over the place and even a ginger house of the size of a duplex, the candy looked so real it could be tasted. “Santa” was sitting on a chair located in big platform decorated like a throne of gifts, George R. R. Martin would be jealous because not even the iron throne looked so gigantic. Or well, maybe it was just Taehyung’s imagination that had been playing havoc with the dimensions.
Taehyung mechanically walked towards the podium where the big chair and all the empty gifts were placed. His hands were shaking and he was covered in cold sweat but he still had the determination to get that condemned picture he had already paid for. Of course, every step he took his confidence lowered a bit more.
By the time he sat on the guy’s right leg, he was stiffed like an iceberg.
“Well, look who we have here.” The guy dressed up as Santa shook his head. “Aren’t you a little old to believe in Santa Claus?”
“That’s not in the script.” The elf that had guided Taehyung, reproached. “And don’t forget to use the voice.”
He cleared his throat. “Right. Where were we? Oh, what’s your name little buddy?” The boy faked a deep voice but it was clear it was part of the act.
“Taehyung.” He replied in a barely audible tone.
“Excuse me, could you repeat it? I couldn’t understand a single syllable.”
Taehyung took a deep breath but it was like breathing smoke. “Tae-” His throat closed completely.
The lights were numb and the music and voices sounded distant.
“Hey, are you feeling well?” Was the last thing he heard before losing consciousness.
A general commotion was created briefly after that and several children started crying when they saw a person falling from the platform.
Taehyung opened his eyes and blinked a few times before being able to realize where he was.
Santa Claus… the mall’s Santa Claus, identified now as Kim Seokjin, had carried Taehyung all the way to the nursing. Apparently, the mall did have a nursing where people were taking in cases… well, not cases like Taehyung’s but people generally injured by any circumstance inside the place. Jimin tried to explain everything in detail to the nurse while running behind them.
It was a normal reaction to any kind of phobia, according to the nurse.
“Where… where am I?” It was the first thing he asked after coming back.
“Jeez, Taehyung, you scared me to death. I didn’t know your clausophobia was that severe.”
“Jimin… Jimin what happened?” He begged while grabbing his friend’s shirt.
“What happened? Oh well… long story short, you fainted after three seconds on Santa’s lap then we ran all the way here and you woke up just now. Uh, it wasn’t that long.” Jimin rubbed his chin.
Taehyung hid under the sheets of his gurney.
“I’m never gonna leave this bed.”
“Not even Adam Levine meant it when he sang that song. Now, get out there, there’s someone who wants to talk with you.”
Taehyung couldn’t even object because when he opened his mouth to say something, a boy half dressed as Santa Claus entered the room. He was in the costume but the beard and the hat were gone. Now the younger could see the person behind the suit and it was a lot less frightening than a half hour ago.
“You’re alive! That’s good.”
Jimin lifted an eyebrow before sneaking out the room leaving both of them alone.
Taehyung blushed furiously; he almost could camouflage with the red suit the other boy was wearing. Seokjin sat on the edge of the bed, he still looked concerned.
“This is so embarrassing… I’m-”
“Don’t worry, your friend explained it all.”
“Did he?” The younger felt the imperious need of hiding again. Especially now he could see him face to face and see how handsome he was.
“Ya, don’t do that again. Don’t you know it’s dangerous to skip meals?”
“I was six! Wait, what?”
“You didn’t have breakfast. That’s the most important meal of the day.”
“I… yeah, I didn’t. I was uh…. in a hurry.” He had to buy the most expensive gift for Jimin that year.
Seokjin sighed. “But seriously, waiting in line for an hour just to win a bet? Isn’t it too much?”
“It is…” The biggest gift he asked for.
“I feel bad though. And you still look a bit pale, can invite you something to eat?” He shook his head in realization. “I’m sorry, I’m Seokjin.”
“Taehyung.” He replied with a smile on his face.
He was suddenly feeling much better.
“And that was the only job you got?”
Santa Seokijn had invited Taehyung a cup of hot chocolate with a lot of whipped cream, marshmallows and a ridiculously amount of red and green sprinkles. As if it wasn’t enough, he also had ordered a slice of the most monstrous chocolate glazed cake with cherries on top.
“Yeah, pretty much everything else was taken so I got relegated to mall’s Santa… the second. Cool, huh? And listen, the best part is that during my first day of job a full-grown child fainted during the first half hour.” He raised both of his eyebrows at the same time adopting a funny expression.
“Sorry about that.” Taehyung displayed a perfect squared smile.
“Why are you sorry? They gave me my pay and excluded me the rest of the day. I should be thanking you instead. Well, that’s the cake for.”
“Oh… In that case, considered it settled.”
“And also because you’ve been an awful good boy this year. Ho, ho, ho.”
Taehyung felt a shiver down his spine.
Damn it Kylie Minogue for bringing it back in 1997.
Damn it Ariana Grande for bringing it back in 2013.
Damn it Gwen Stefani for bringing it back in 2017.
And damn the mall’s cafeteria for playing Santa Baby on the speakers right at that moment.
Why a song with the words «Santa cutie» and «Santa honey» together had to be played while he was in the café next to the ultimate Santa Babe?
The younger felt the blush slowly raising and covering his face.
“Please don’t do that again.”
“Ah, I got it. My Santa impersonation is that bad?”
“No… it’s not that… just… don’t. Please.”
Seokjin nodded. “Then, I’ll try something different. What do you call Santa Claus when he doesn’t move?”
“Eh… What? I don’t…”
“Santa pause.”
Taehyung bit his tongue. He didn’t want to laugh but the elder was already cackling while hitting the table. The boy in front of him remained expressionless.
“No? Huh, though. Tell me, what do elves learn in school?”
The younger sneered. “I’m not answering.”
“The elf-abet.” There he went again, bursting uncontrollably into laugher while Taehyung pressed his lips into a thin line.
“Oh, C'mon!”
“You always tell bad jokes to your dates?”
“Only to the ones I make faint before introducing myself.” Seokjin winked and Taehyung shook his head. “Okay, last one. Why is it always cold at Christmas?”
“I don’t know, why?”
“Because it’s Decemberrrrrrrr!”
That was probably the worst joke Taehyung had ever heard but there was a spark on the elder’s eyes every time he came out with a new occurrence, some sort of youthful charm that it was undeniably contagious. His ears turned redder with every new attempt. Even if Taehyung tried hard, after hearing the sonorous laughter of Seokjin he couldn’t help but admit his defeat after the third joke.
“Ah, you laughed!” He celebrated while clapping.
People around them were staring but Taehyung didn’t care anymore.
“You win, you win. But please, no more jokes.”
Seokjin beamed, pleased.
“Can I tell you something? But you have to promise you won’t laugh. It’s already too embarrassing.”
“I just embarrassed myself like three seconds ago but if you think you can beat that, go ahead.”
Taehyung grinned.
“I’m serious. This is…” he sighed. “The reason why I came to take a picture with Santa Claus it’s not because I lost I bet as Jimin told you.” He held the warm cup of hot chocolate between his hands, incapable of looking at the elder. “It’s because I’m scared of Santa Claus… people dressing like Santa Claus.” He mumbled as he shrank on the chair.
“You’re…scared of Santa Claus?”
The younger nodded. Although there was not a single trace of judgment on Seokjin’s voice.
“Well, it’s not that weird. I would be scared too, especially after you get into the costume. Believe me, it’s not that nice either.”
“You don’t… you don’t think it’s weird?”
“No, I mean. People are scared of things like… heights and…clowns?”
“Exactly!”
“Don’t worry, Taehyung. I don’t think it’s weird… just a little.”
Thank God.
“Just a question… did I scared you?” Now Seokjin looked more hurt than astonished.
“No! It was the whole thing… put together.” He hurried to deny it. “But it doesn’t have anything to do with you. I promise.”
Right at that moment, Taehyung’s phone rang. It was Jimin –the boy was buying a few presents for his relatives when one of his classmates tagged him in something he thought it was urgent to his best-friend to see-.
“Jimin?”
“Tae, you have to watch this right now! It’s going viral!”
He heard the beeping sound of a notification.
“«Local Santa Claus saves a boy from fainting. Who’s the mysterious stranger already baptized Hot Santa?»” He read aloud once the other boy hung up.
“What?” Seokjin got closer to take a look at his phone.
Taehyung felt his cheeks getting warm as the video loaded.
It was a video of him falling off Seokjin’s lap and how the elder hurried to carry him on his arms and taking him to the nursing. Now Taehyung was about to cover his face completely with his fuchsia beanie and exile of the planet as soon as he could.
Seokjin, next to him, however, was more than amused with the clip.
Message from Jimin: You saw it? It’s already TT and it’s one of the most searched on Naver. #HotSanta.
Message to Jimin: I saw it and I want to die. Seokjin is still with me!
Message from Jimin: Good for you, internet sensation!
“This is a mess. Now everyone’s going to know I’m scared of Santa Claus.” Taehyung shrank a little more on the chair.
“Who even filmed this? I swear it was a toddler, it’s all blurry and you can barely recognize a face. Remember the two kids before you? All of them asked for I-phones! Not even toys… and don’t make me start on spinners because we’ll stay here all night.”
“You’re very sweet but the harm is done and now it’s getting more attention as we speak. But you should be happy. I mean, you are a hero here.”
“Nah, they only care about my appearance. Although can you blame them?”
The comment didn’t make Taehyung laugh; he kept biting his thumbnail and ignoring the boy’s attempts.
“Hey, why don’t you tell Santa what you want for Christmas?”
Taehyung lifted his gaze, an idea crossed his mind.
“Okay, move to the left and you adjust your beard. I think I have it.” Jimin said while trying to focus the camera. “Taehyung, don’t faint and say eggnog in three, two… one.”
Seokjin did as the boy asked and fixed the white beard on the back of his reddened ears. He had worn the full suit once again, including the red pants and shirt, the hat with the white pom-pom on the end and the white wig and beard along with the glasses without glass. From wherever you looked at him, it was Santa Claus in person.
Taehyung was expecting to feel the repulsion he had always felt towards the costume but he didn’t. He expected to run out of air at some point, or shivered or even fainting once again but every time he looked at Seokjin he remembered his laughter or the warm and sweet taste of the hot chocolate they had shared.
And all suddenly, it wasn’t frightening anymore.
“Eggnog!” Both of them smiled brightly.
“I can take a picture with my phone as well and post it all over the internet. It will be like shock reveal: Hot Santa is real.” Jimin said after finishing taking the picture.
“And more handsome without the beard.” Seokjin added already getting rid of the itchy postiche.
The younger shook his head. “No. It’s fine. I like it more like this.”
It was like a shared secret of the untold story of how he overcame his phobia.
“Then, can I post a picture with him?”
“No way. You’re not getting internet famous at my expense.”
“Ah, C'mon!” Jimin complained.
Jimin shook the photograph on his hand waiting for the colors of the image to become clear after a few minutes. Once it was done, he extended it back to his friend. He kept sending telepathic vibes towards Taehyung, hinting he should keep hashtag Hot Santa.
Taehyung displayed a shining smile after looking at the picture. Their smiles had been perfectly captured in a single frame.
There it was. The proof he wasn’t scared of Santa Claus… not anymore. Not when Santa Claus looks like that. Taehyung had solid evidence –a few polaroids he could rub on Hoseok’s face the next time he saw the boy-.
Most importantly, he had left that absurd fear behind.