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It was hard to get some free time even before, but now, now it's almost impossible. As they get more fame and recognitation day by day, they shedules are packed with performances, filmings, photo shootings and of course, recordings.
That's why, when the opportunity for a free weekend was presented, they all were not only suprised, but happy and thankful. It's nice to recharge, meet family or friends, other then the Bts' members or staff. Hoseok, Jungkook and Jimin are already far away in their hometowns, spending quality time with their families. Yoongi decided to stay behind and work on some songs for his solo projects in Big Hit studio. Taehyung is going to an interview/casting in regard to film a web drama, and he really wants to participate, even if the role isn't main. Namjoon closed himself in his own studio after saying goodbye to the traveling trio at too early hour.
And in that way Seokjin is alone.
He didn't complain though. Not immediately at least. After sending off maknae line and Hoseok, waving goodbye to Yoongi, and not noticing how quickly Namjoon vanished, Seokjin slept for some more, then ate breakfast, watched tv and checked Twitter. Soon, he got bored – too used to spend almost every moment with another being. The silence starts to be unbearable. He called his mom for updates, but since in fact she visited him just last week, there really wasn't that much to talk about. It crossed his mind that maybe he made a mistake by staying. Maybe he should also visit his family, his brothers, cousins...Maybe he should set up a meetings with friends and hang out... But deep down he knew, why he stayed. As Namjoon said to them a few days ago, when they all talked about their free weekend plans, he wasn't going anywhere and wants to focus on work. Altough many voices protested at that, because 'yeah you're our leader but also a friend and hyung or dongsaeng you should have some rest too!", Namjoon was unbelievably stubborn at this matter. And recently, he became distant. Not with everyone, though. He spends so much time with Yoongi, Hoseok, and now also Jungkook, as they compose music for their new mini album. Taehyung migrates beetwen wrtiting music or lyric, always seeking leader's advice. And Jimin always has a special power over Namjoon – Seokjin suspects it's probably beacuse of how small and cute the one of the youngest was, and to tell the truth, Seokjin's couldn't blame him. He also have a soft side for small and cute things. In this case, an actual person. But it started to disturbing him. Maybe they weren't „the best of the best friends ever”, but Seokjin always was sure they were near that category. They both acknowledges their differences, but respect each other and took the other perspecitve on things seriously. And the trust, damn, if you would asked Seokjin, who is the one he trust the most, he will say Namjoon, without thinking. Because it was true. And apart from the more serious stuff and actual emotional attachment, that built over the years of struggle with everything, but always been there for one another, they both always have good fun, just by being with each other. The two often went out to cafes, sneak out to the movies late at night, when cinemas were almost empty, with only popular idol-couples dating in secret, and them. But also, they didn't have to go outside to have fun – even playing board or video games made them laugh freely.
And now... now Seokjin miss it greatly.
It's not that they don't love each other anymore or something. Of course they do. But if you were spending every day of your life with someone, and then that someone begin to became more distance with each passing day, then it hurts. And Seokjin doesn't know, if this is his fault, or maybe Namjoon got bored of him? Maybe he really has more important things to do, than to talk and hang out with his hyung? Or maybe he just like better other members.
Even just the idea that this might be the true, made Seokjin uncomfortable, as he felt the tiny prickling pain in his chest.
So he had a plan, that maybe since RM decided to stay at the dorm, and he also stays at the dorm, they could spend some time. Who knows, maybe Seokjin is just paranoid about the whole thing.
The lunch hour was approaching, so he went to RM's studio. He knocked (he always knocked in case...Namjoon wasn't actually working on music), but after a few seconds, no one reply him. Then he pushed the door to open them a little, and his eyes saw the leader of Bts totally absorbed in music, as he bob his head with headphones on to the rhytm and beats he works on. Seokjin didn't want to scared the hell out of him but he wants the attention, so he tapped him at shoulder. Namjoon turn to his left when his hyung stays and push down the headphones down.
- Hey hyung.
- Hey. Em, the time to eat is coming and I don't think I saw you going out to eat anything for breakfast, so-
- Oh yeah, you made something? Thank you, but I'll eat later okay? I'm completely in my zone, just leave it for dinner – Namjoon responded. The music from the headphones was loud enough to be heard, and the leader actually kinda bounce on his chair desk to it.
- You in your zone, that's, well, that's good, but I didn't make anything-
- Then you can order anything you want, I'm okay with everything – Namjoon cut him still bouncing. Seokjin slowly, but surely, started to feel iritated, but managed to say another thing, praying that this time Namjoon will just sat saliently and listen him to the end:
- I thought that maybe we will go out to eat something? When was the last time only the two of us go out? What do you think?
Namjoon, still smiling (and still dancing on that chair), nodded his head a few times
- Alright if you want, but now? Now I'm in my zone, hyung, and I tell you, this song gonna be amazing, so give me another hm, two hours? And we can go.
Seokjin really didn't want to agreed upon that, but seriously, who could say "no" to that man? In the end he said he will see him in two hours. Then he went to take a shower and to search for a nice outfit with the help of Odengie and Emoukie.
But two hours have gone, and there was no sight of Namjoon. Seokjin was sitting in the living room, arms folded, and foot tapping the floor in irritation. He waited five more minutes, but he doesn't even hear Namjoon around the house. Yes, their home now is big and all, but they were practically alone, since Taehyung came back he went to his room to play games on computer, and he was sure, he would hear something. But does he even went out of his studio?
Seokjin, completely done with his behaviour, again made a beeline to RM's studio. He didn't bother to knock. And what sight he got? The same as earlier. Namjoon bouncing on his chair desk with his headphones on.
He came closer to the younger, and again tapped on his shoulder. Namjoon, again, looked at him with smile and then put his headphone around neck, just as before. Seokjin stared at him, with smile too innocent to be actually real. But Namjoon smiled at him without saying anything, as if he waits for the older to say something. Seokjin eyebrow rose, still with this fake smile. Finally, Namjoon tilting slightly his head to left, asked:
- Why aren't you saying anything?
- Me? - asked Seokjin incredulously. - Why me? Aren't we are still here because of you?
- What are y - started Namjoon, but soon the truth falls on him. Right. Lunch. - Shit, hyung, sorry, I forget, but! Give me an hour and I will finish-
- No, no and no. I already waited for you a couple of hours, I won't be waiting another one – reasoned Seokjin. He really had had enough.
- Okay, so maybe 30 minutes? - pleaded Namjoon, trying to make his hyung to give him some time.
- You know, if you don't want to-
- But I want! - said the younger one. - Just, just 20 minutes? I will save this file, take a short shower, and we can go! Please, pleaaaase – Namjoon whine a little, which actually always cracked Seokjin up. How a tough, responsible leader of such a famous and succesfull group, could sometimes act like a spoiled 5 years old?
Seokjin sighed heavily but ultimately gave up. Namjoon is still a friend.
- Okay, but any minute longer and-
- YES, yes, I know!
After that Seokjin went out of the studio to check up on Taehyung. The boy was playing his game on computer, totally focused in the virtual reality. What it is with the two Kims ingoring the oldest Kim today. But after catching the attention from the younger one, he asked him to check up on his sugar gliders and feed them, if Namjoon shows up and they go out. Taehyung probably even without Jin's request, would check on them. Maybe even play with them a little.
The 20 minutes passed in a blink of an eye, and soon Seokjin heard footsteps coming to the living room he occupied again.
We can go – Namjoon was ready. So the older one arise from the sofa, and they both went to the car of the vocalist.
- Where do you want go? - asked Seokjin, buckling his seatbelt.
- Hmm, I dont know, you choose? - the rapper said, already buckled, and waiting for the start of the short journey. His phone was in his right hand, but Seokjin tried not to think about it too much.
- Well, I think I can go for noodles.
- Then to noddles place we go.
Seokjin drove for not more than two minutes, and in his peripheral vision he saw Namjoon checking something on phone. The older doesn't even have more strenght to be irritated. He just drove them in silence.
In the small but cozy restaurant weren't many occupants, so they easily found a free table deep inside the room. Soon they sat with their orders, talking mindlessy about anything, but Seokjin still felt, as if he was the one to actually pay attention, whereas Namjoon simply answered, but never throw any topic to discuss. Seokjin must cough two times to get the attention from his friend, when the leader got too focused on his phone for nth time this day. When the older excused himself to the bathroom ,he heard specific music, which means someone was calling Namjoon. And he still talked with that someone when Seokjin came back to the table. Namjoon talked in english, smiling sheepishly at the older, who waited for him to finish the meal, so they could go back to the dorm. When the conversation through phone ended, they paid (well Namjoon paid. Seokjin was too angry at him to not let him spend the money). As they went to the car, Namjoon bablled excitedely about his another collaboration with some western artist with a name (or a nickname?) Seokjin knew, but not entirely was a fan. But still, he couldn't help but feel proud and happy for his leader. Namjoon deserves everything good.
They sat in their seats in the car. Namjoon again return to the phone probably informing their managers, or even their boss, about the agreement on collab from both sides. Seokjin tried to not be annoyed by that, he knows how it is when one of them got a good news and want to share them the fastest they can. It's just that again he was neglected. He prefer for Namjoon to at least wait till they got home. Maybe he would even goes to their company to inform everyone. But is it too much for Seokjin to wish he will spend a few more minutes just with him? But no.
Something else is again more important.
And Seokjin gets it, he really does. But it feels nice to know you are needed. And Namjoon hadn't show that to him in a really long time.
When he parked the car, he heard that Namjoon unbuckled himself, but waits for Seokjin to came out, so Seokjin did, and then lock the car. But he didn't go to their home, instead going to Namjoon and stopping right in front of him.
- I want to tell you one thing – Seokjin started. - I know you are busy. I know that your phone keep calling, I know you have a lot things to do, I know all that. But you know what I don't know? Why we became like this. Did I do something? Am I bored you with my personality? Are you found me no longer worthy enough to spend time or what, because I'm fed up Namjoon. You forgot we were supposed to go out earlier, and we didn't plan that weeks ago but at the same day. Then you keep ignoring me in favor of your phone. Even if I said it to you, and try to talk, you kept doing that. I'm happy for you, but I guess you have better things, or better friends to hang out - he finished his rant and turn around not sparing even a glance to younger, almost running to the house, and then to his room.
He went to the bed and hug a pillow, feeling stupid, but on the other hand, also justifying his actions in his mind. He was always so understanding, he did has some outbursts, but he soon transformed them into funny gag or a joke. But he felt that he needs to show Namjoon, that this was serious, and he really was hurted by the younger. So he locked up and stays in his room, sending short message to Yoongi, asking when he will came back, so he will unlock the door to their room.
Meanwhile Namjoon for a minute was stunned after the older's outburst. He know that, if he feels the inspiration, he totally shuts himself from the outer world. He shouldn't forget about their lunch, but he did apologize and really felt guilty. But he also knows, that Seokjin didn't mean just today. The distance, Namjoon feels it too. It was part of his fault, but it was kinda also Seokjin, since the older also never seek him earlier, choosing to hang out with the youngers members. And it wasn't like Namjoon blames him, it's just that when no one wants to be the first one to initiate something, things gets complicated. He thought that it was in fact Seokjin, who finds his leader not funny enough to spend time with. And as the distance grew, it was too awkward for Namjoon to suddenly shows up in the two oldest members room, and ask Seokjin to go out, to spend some time together. But he was also buried with work and didn't notice how much big of a deal it was for the older. And for himself too. He missed him, but it just came now how much he missed him. And all he had done was to made the older pissed of. But in their life, sometimes work comes first before anything else.
Namjoon finally dragged his feet to the dorm, choosing to sit in the living room deep in thoughts. He planned to apologize, since he knows how sometimes stubborn and prideful Seokjin is. And the nagging feeling in his mind tells him he has to go, say sorry, and try to talk with his hyung, so maybe he will open up to him again. That's the biggest problem of Seokjin, Namjoon thought. He really doesn't like seriousness, which means, he isn't the one who opens up about his true feelings often. From time to time he did speak about his feelings, either to one of the member or the whole group, but he never was the one, who regularly like to talk about what is bothering him. Years ago, Namjoon suspected that maybe he prefer to confine in his friends that aren't members of Bts. Or aren't in idols world. But the first time they had a serious talk, without any jokes from Seokjin side, he admits, that he never talk like that with anyone. And everytime after that, Seokjin always says that to him. „I never had a friend like you. I do trust them and treat like my family, but I never talked with them about things, like I do with you. Thank you. It feels nice to be able to talk like that.” Always words like that was finishing their conversations.
Suddenly, Taehyung showed up in the room, dressed in oversized t-shirt and sweatpants, holding an empty bowl.
- Oh, you two came back already? - the younger of the two asked, still holding his big bowl, his snack bowl Namjoon seems to recognize.
- Yeah, and I think I messed up a little. But how about you? How the casting?
- Alright, but I still don't know, if the filming won't collide with our tour. We will see. Oh, and I also talked with Jungkook, well, we played a game actually.
- Wasn't he supposed to spend time with his family? - Namjoon asked with rised eyebrow.
- Yes, but you know how it is. I mean, we also need a break from each other, then missed each other, but then we have enough of each other. But I'm sure when he came back, he will whine that he miss them. Eh, it's always like that. I miss my dad, I'm gonna call him. - Taehyung finished, leaving the bowl on the wooden table and going back to his room. The words Taehyung said stuck in his mind. How true they were. When you get to spend time with anyone you see almost everyday, you get a little bored of them. But then, when you don't see each other or spend as much time as before, you get to miss them dearly. He again was reminded of how much he missed Seokjin.
He was still sitting in the couch, depp in thoughts, when around half an hour later Yoongi came back to the house. He looked exhausted but satisfied and content at the same time. He nodded to Namjoon, then sits on one of the armchair in the room.
- What happened, that my dear roommate felt the need to lock the door and ask me when I'll be coming, so he would be opening them? He doesn't have anyone there, right?
No, no he doesn't – Namjoon feels weirdly at the idea that Seokjin might have bring someone to the house with him. - Nope, we just... have a little fight - then an idea struck him, as Yoongi again only nodded at his answer and pull out his phone from the pocket, probably to inform the oldest he is home.
- Hyung, would you mind sleeping in my room today? Or any other room, but not in yours?
Yoongi didn't say anything but glance up scrutinizing him.
- And what are you planning?
- Well, I need to talk to Seokjin hyung. I'm sure he wouldn't come out, but if you tell him you are here, he will unlock the door...
- Okay, okay. Just made up if you fight, I don't like when members fight. I will write "I'm on my way to the room".
- Thank you, hyung! Also, how's the song?
Yoongi mumbled something, as he was typing the message to the oldest. He stood up and go in the direction of kitchen, Namjoon trailing behind him. It took him some time to finish, Namjoon noted. The older must really be exhausted after so many hours spent in the company's studio. When he was done, he put his phone back in the pocket. They arrived at the kitchen and Yoongi started:
- Song's good, song's good, but I need to drink and to sleep, so – he cut off searching for some cup. Then his phone dinged, and after reading the message, he told Namjoon:
- Unlocked. And also: „after came in lock again”.
- Okay, thanks again. See you tommorow – Namjoon said and went to the Seokjin's and Yoongi's room.
He went in without knocking (obviously), and then turn the key in the lock. It was already dark, but not very late, and yet Seokjin was lying in his bed under the duvet, his back facing Namjoon. He also couldnt clearly see, but it seems the older play his nintendo 3ds, if the light blue glow wasn't coming from his phone. Namjoon came through the room, and altough the thought he maybe should change his clothes, he let it pass and lie at the bed, scaring the hell out of Seokjin. The older dropped his game console and clutch his heart, his stare throwing daggers at Namjoon directions.
- What are you doing here, you could have killed me! - he screamed, picking up his console to put it at the bedside table, then trying to shove Namjoon out of his bed. In a response, Namjoon avoids Seokjin's hands, instead hugs him tightly. Seokjin struggled and wriggled to push Namjoon out and to break from him, but when it was obvious his efforts were in void, he turns in the arms of the leader, which resulted in Namjoon again facing the older's broad shoulders and back. Namjoon hugs him even tighter, laying his head on his shoulder. He was sure Seokjin has a evident pout on his face, probably still angry at him and his behaviour, but at least he calmed down, so Namjoon said:
- I'm really sorry, hyung. Not only for today, but well, for the last few weeks? Months, actually. I didn't do anything to reach you - a few moments went without any other words.
- Well, I didn't reached to you too... – Seokjin confessed. - I'm sorry for that too.
- It's okay. I think it's just started to be a little awkward... But I don't want you to think I don't want to hang out with you, because that is not true at all. There is just... so much work. So much going on. And sometimes, it gets hard to have a moment for myself even...
- I know. But I love you, Namjoon. There is something missing, something is not right, when we are not talking much or anything...
- And I love you too. I'm sorry. You have the right to come to my studio and smacks me on the head, when I'm sitting and working there too long.
Seokjin chuckled at this. He will use this permission if he has to.
- But when you're in your zone, then the best songs and lyrics comes out. ARMYs will be mad if because of me some awesome song wouldn't be made. And I don't want them to be mad, It's very likely I love them more, than I love you.
That's super cruel, you know – Namjoon laugh, and Seokjin felt his breath on his neck. It was comfortable to be lying like that. Seokjin remembered briefly, how Namjoon was always against any kind of skinships, but he also gets more touchy-feely with other members and Seokjin over the years. Yet the older couldn't recall,, when was the last time they both cuddle like that. If ever they did.
- So... are we fine? - Namjoon whispered.
- I can't be mad at you for long. Although I'm kinda angry, because you in my bed with clean sheets, but you didn't changed.
- Sorry. Should I strip?
Seokjin pulled out the small pillow under his head and blindly tried to punch Namjoon in the face.
- Okay, okay, message received, I wouldn't strip.
- Aren't you coming back to your room now?
- Nope. I will stay here all the night. And a little of the morning, since we don't need to wake up ridiculously early - said Namjoon, stil holding him tight.
- Suit yourself – answered Seokjin, snuggling to his pillow (and Namjoon's chest, but he wouldn't admit it). He closed his eyes, but after a few minutes passed, he whispered.
- I never have a friend like you, Namjoon. I just want you to know I really appreciate you. I don't want to lose you.
For a couple of breaths the silence was his only answer. Then:
- Same here hyung.