Chapter Text
Distance Means Nothing
Chapter One: Walks in Little Whinging
There are rare, admittedly fleeting moments where I would very much like to be a Muggle. To dismiss all the mist in the air as just some odd weather we're having, to think that what had happened in West Country was nothing but a hurricane, to think that the murders of Amelia Bones and Emmaline Vance were just unfortunate events that might never be properly explained, that the reason the Brockdale Bridge snapped like that was simply because it wore out, and that after a week of odd behaviour, Herbert Chorley, one of the Junior Ministers, really was just going to spend more time with his family.
But I'm not a Muggle. All the mist in the air is actually due to the Dementors that are now roaming freely around the country and even breeding, so that there are more of them than ever; what happened in West Country was not a hurricane, but the work of Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters and a fair bit of giant involvement; Amelia Bones and Emmaline Vance were murdered by Lord Voldemort, clearly deemed important enough to have it done by Voldemort himself; the Brockdale Bridge was destroyed by Voldemort, since Cornelius Fudge, former Minister for Magic refused to step aside for him and take over the Ministry; and Herbert Chorley is better far away from his family, considering the fact that he's been placed under a fairly poorly performed Imperius Curse.
I'm a wizard, and I know that the Wizarding World is at war. And I know that Voldemort will not rest until he drags the Muggle world right down with his enemies.
Tearing my eyes away from the window, away from the now misty street of Privet Drive, I walk over to my desk, flipping through a copy of the Daily Prophet for what must be the tenth time already. I read through the same articles as usual: the one discussing whether Harry Potter is or is not the 'Chosen One', as they've taken to calling it, the one discussing how Rufus Scrimgeour has taken Cornelius Fudge's place as Minister for Magic, and the one that lists ways in which you can protect your home and your family from Dark forces. I can't find it in myself to focus on the other ones too much. Somehow, I can't focus on a Celestina Warbeck interview when I have to deal with articles saying that my best friend is destined to defeat the most powerful Dark wizard in the world.
I go back to the article about Harry again, and upon finishing it, I look through the open window at the one across from mine. Harry's window. As usual, the curtains are drawn. After the death of Sirius Black, Harry's godfather, Harry was disconnected enough, and now that we're back at Privet Drive, he has locked himself in his room, and I've rarely talked to him all summer, in spite of the fact that we're best friends and we can easily have a conversation from our separate bedrooms.
I don't blame him for grieving, I understand him being so upset, but I can't pretend it isn't lonely. I can't think of a single summer since we met at the age of five that we didn't spend a great deal of time communicating with each other in one way or another. Of course, I've been keeping in touch with my other best friends, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, George Weasley, Ginny Weasley, my godfather, Remus Lupin (though not very often, as he's busy with the Order of the Phoenix), and my boyfriend, Fred Weasley, through letters, and now that my cousin, Candy, and I have made up, it's not as bad as it could have been, but Candy and I really can't talk that often, despite living in the same house, because we've agreed that it's best if her parents and my aunt and uncle, Gabriel and Daisy, don't find out about our friendship. Regardless of this, the fact that I rarely talk to my best friend of eleven years is rather upsetting.
Forgetting the feeling of loneliness, I'm also getting increasingly worried about Harry. Of course, it's perfectly normal to grieve, perfectly normal to want to be by yourself, but it's another thing entirely to lock yourself in your room and almost never come out. The problem is that I can hardly tell him this, because he's spending most of his time in his room, and on those occasions that we do talk, of I ever bring up Sirius and how he's coping with his death, he shuts me out completely, and to say that it's frustrating would be an understatement.
Suddenly, there's a knock at the door, snapping me out of my thoughts. I turn around to look at the door, waiting for a few seconds. When whoever is knocking simply doesn't barge in, I realise that I can't be Uncle Gabriel or Aunt Daisy, since they've taken to knocking, then just barging in anyways without really caring whether I was in a state to have visitors.
I walk over to the door and open it, only to find Candy standing in front of me.
"Hello," I say, moving aside to let her in and giving a very brave attempt at a smile, since I'm not exactly in the best of moods.
Candy, however, doesn't enter. I raise an eyebrow very slightly at this, but I don't say anything.
"You all right?" she asks me.
"Erm," I reply, thrown by the question, "yeah? Yeah, I'm fine."
"Are you even convincing yourself with that one, Hazel?" she says, crossing her arms and meaning against the door frame, looking at me with raised eyebrows.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask defensively, crossing my arms and glaring at her.
"It's supposed to mean that you don't look or sound right at all," she says bluntly, not seeming to notice or care much about my glaring.
I continue to glare at her, until the look melts off my face and my shoulder sags, letting out a sigh.
"See, now you really don't look it," she says.
"All right, I may not look it or sound it, but I am," I say, a stab of impatience in my words, "so drop it."
"Uh-huh," she says disbelievingly, "I'm sure." I'm just about to say something to that, when she says, "Let's go on a walk."
I blink.
"I beg your pardon?" I say blankly.
"I said, let's go on a walk," she repeats.
"Now?" I ask.
"When else?" she replies. "It's only six o'clock - or is that too wild and dangerous for you?"
This is nothing but a bit of light teasing. It is no way a challenge, but in my bad mood, I take it as one.
"All right, fine, then," I say irritably, and walk over to my trunk to grab a jumper, because, even though it's August, it's still considerably chilly outside, courtesy of the Dementors.
Once I find one, I throw it on and follow Candy down the hall, down the stairs, and out of the house. We walk in silence until we reach Magnolia Crescent, and I spend my time looking around at the misty air and thinking miserably of the Dementors.
"So are you going to tell me what's up or not?" she says.
"Not," I reply.
"You are so predictable," she says, rolling her eyes.
"Excuse me," I say angrily, "how am I predictable?"
"It's so obvious that you'd go with that whole moody Nobody-Understands-Me thing," she replies, "like, really, give me a break."
"That's not what I'm doing!" I protest. "I just don't want to talk about it, is that such a crime?"
"Why don't you want to talk about it?" she asks.
"Because - there's so much to tell, I wouldn't even know where to start - "
"How about the beginning?" Candy suggests.
"Oh, hilarious," I say sarcastically, rolling my eyes.
"I was being serious," she says, and I look round at her to see that she's right.
"It's not just that," I insist. "It's - it's complicated, all right? Like, really complicated."
"Try me," she says challengingly.
I glare at her, before looking away and letting out a tiny noise of frustration.
"All right, I'll try you," I say. "Picture this: you've got the wizard world, and it's all peaceful and happy and nice, until this - this wizard, this very Dark wizard, the most powerful Dark wizard in the world, who everyone thought had disappeared for good, comes back. You'd think that the government would put their immediate efforts into stopping him, wouldn't you? They don't. They do absolutely nothing, and you want to know why? They're scared. They're absolutely bloody terrified of this wizard that they don't even want to believe that this wizard is back and is going to disrupt the peace that they worked so hard to rebuild. So this horrible, powerful Dark wizard gets a good hear to bide his time and prepare himself for when he finally becomes public with his return. And in the meanwhile, the government gets the media to ridicule the two people that know the truth on the matter and want to spread it, so that they becomes jokes to the world - oh, and did I mention that one of those people is your best friend?
" Now picture that all throughout this year, there are breakouts from the wizard prison, breakouts from the wizard's loyal followers, and there are all these deaths and arrests that are mysteriously happening, but it's not truly mysterious, because you know it's because of this wizard, but they're not likely to out it in the paper, are they, since they're being paid to shut up about the wizard.
"And then one day, it finally happens. This wizard becomes public. He appears right in the government building for all to see - and they do see, and after that, they take action. But they're late. Terribly, horribly late. He's had plenty of time, and now he's got support from all over the place: giants, Dementors - "
"What are Dementors?" asks Candy.
"Dementors," I say slowly, shaking my head and looking down at the ground. "You - you don't want to know."
"Try me," she repeats, now quite angry, and I suddenly see myself in her; the annoyance of people dismissing you and acting like you can't handle the truth, and it's much harder to not tell her things now.
"Dementors," I begin, "are awful, horrible - you can't even - you can't even imagine how awful they are until you're face to face with one. They're these tall creatures that glide more than they walk, and they're all grey and kind of look like a corpse that's decaying, and it takes these horrible breaths. They've got these scabbed, slimy-looking hands, and they're faces - oh, God - they - they haven't got eyes, it's just empty sockets, and there's just this big gaping hole instead of a mouth. They're creatures that drain all the hope and the happiness out of you, and they keep on doing that until you're nothing but a hollow, empty shell. They suck your soul out from your mouth - they call it the Dementors Kiss. They make it dark and cold and they just drown out everything, you can't hear anything but the sound of their horrible, rattling breaths, you can't feel anything but the cold and the hopelessness and the despair, you can't see anything but this white mist swirling around you, and you can't think of anything except all of your worst memories, all of your worst fears. There were some here just last year. You didn't see them, but you felt them. Remember when you told me about how there was a moment when everything felt all dark and cold, and you felt like you'd never be happy again? That's the Dementors."
"I - I see," Candy says in a high-pitched voice, now looking quite pale. "Well... well, that's certainly good to know. Go on with your story."
"Well, point is, this wizard's got a lot more support now, and he's stronger. And this wizard is terrifying. He's killed and tortured plenty of wizards and Muggles - erm, non-magical people - alike, including my parents, and he's got a huge amount of wizards following and supporting him. People don't even like to say his name, that's how scary he is. And he's back and rising back to his former power. And, make no mistake, he's making himself known: killing wizards and witches, so-called hurricanes in West Country, the destruction of the Brockdale Bridge, having his supported out one of the Junior Ministers under a curse that puts him under their control - "
"Those were him?" Candy demands, her eyes wide.
"You bet it was," I confirm, nodding. "Not to mention, all this mist in the air?" I gesture around to prove my point. "Yeah, that's the Dementors. They're roaming about, and even worse, they're breeding. So now you're terrified. You're terrified for yourself, for the people you care about, all of it. Add that to a best friend who's grieving the loss of their godfather by locking themselves in their room all the time and rarely talking to you, and the fact that the best friend is rumoured to be the one destined to stop this terrifying wizard - of course, you're not exactly inclined to believe the stuff newspapers write after reading enough of the rubbish they come out with for two hears, but still, you can't help but be worried - and you've got the exact reason why I'm apparently so predictably moody with the whole Nobody-Understands-Me thing going on."
Candy is silent for a very long time. As we continue to walk through Little Whinging, I watch her very pale face carefully until she speaks once more.
"You know, most people just have like... school troubles," she finally says.
I manage to laugh at that.
"Oh, make no mistake, I've got that too," I say, grinning. "But not at this very moment, since it's summer, and even if I did, I didn't want to bring the morale down with all of it."
"Yes, because it was very high before," Candy says sarcastically.
"Exactly!" I say with a grin.
"So, that's what you've got to deal with over in that school of yours?" she asks, shoving her hands in her pockets and looking around the street. "You know, I'm kind of starting to winder what makes you love your world so much, if that's what you're facing."
"Oh, no, don't get the wrong idea," I say earnestly. "Don't - don't think that it's all war and death and the scary stuff, there are good things, too. I mean, obviously the good outweighs the bad, otherwise I wouldn't love it, would I? It wouldn't be worth getting upset about and fighting for like I am, if it didn't. Besides, it seems like you can't have the good without the bad. Of course, that doesn't mean I'm not going to put everything I have into stopping the bad, though," I add matter-of-factly.
"You're brave, then," she comments.
"Thanks, but I mean, it's really not - we've all got something we'd fight for," I say, shrugging, "and if you haven't... well, honestly, that's a bit sad, then..."
"Yes, but not everyone actually goes out and fights whatever it is they need to," she points out.
"You would, though," I state, looking at her closely.
It's not a question. I know that she would. I'm not even entirely sure how I know, but something about her bold personality and her determination to get what she wants and needs shows me she would.
"Yes, I think I would, too," she concedes. "But I'm not everyone."
"True," I say. "But you're not no one, either."
She gives me a weird look for a moment, before letting out a laugh, looking away and shaking her head.
"I'll take that as a compliment,"
"Good," I say with a nod, "because you should."
At that moment, a voice behind us calls, "Hey, Candy!"
We turn to find a tall boy around our age with dark skin, hair, and eyes hurrying towards Candy. I recognise the boy, but it takes me a while to find the name. Danny Miller. I remember he was among the only people who did not join in on bullying Harry and I when we were kids. Of course, he didn't do anything to stop it, but at the time, I didn't really mind, because at least it was one less person pushing me over during school.
I shake off memories of the days I spent in Muggle schools, and watch as Danny Miller greets Candy with a very long and open kiss. I raise an eyebrow at this, taking a step away and looking around uncomfortably. Whenever my eyes fall on the kissing couple, all I can do is think that I'm never like this with Fred.
When they finally pull away, they seem to remember that I exist, because Danny clears his throat awkwardly and moves away, though he throws an arm around Candy, and Candy smiles awkwardly.
"Erm, yeah, Hazel, this is my boyfriend, Danny Miller," Candy says, gesturing to Danny. "Danny, this is Hazel Knight, my cousin. You two have met, obviously, but, well, it's been a while, so..."
"Hi, Danny," I greet, smiling and nodding slightly, trying not to laugh.
"Hey, Hazel," he says, smiling and waving slightly. "It's - er - it's been a while. You've, uh, you've changed," he gestures around at me vaguely. When Candy and I raise eyebrows at this, he quickly says, "Oh, not like that. I'm only saying - well, you don't look like you're eleven anymore, that's all."
Candy grins, and I laugh.
"I suppose, yeah. You've changed, too," I comment. "I mean, you don't look eleven, either, and last time I saw you, you weren't snogging my cousin, so, you know... very different."
They both laugh at that, though they're blushing, something that makes me grin.
"Well, things - people, feelings - change, you know what I mean?" Candy says vaguely, smiling fondly up at Danny before looking back at me.
"Yeah, I reckon I do," I say, unable to stop myself from thinking about Fred.
"Hey, where have you been all these years?" Danny asks me. "I mean, there are rumours that you've gone to all sorts of reform schools, but you've never really seemed the type to be that bad..."
I exchange looks with Candy, before looking back at Danny with a small smile.
"Well, the rumours are true," I say with a shrug. "What can I say? I'm a rebel."
The slightly sarcastic tone in my voice makes him laugh.
"I see," he says, nodding. "Well, we all..." but he doesn't finish his sentence, trailing off awkwardly. It's clear he was going to say that they miss me, but stopped himself, due to the fact that it's very unlikely that anyone missed me back at Muggle school.
"I'm pretty sure nobody misses me, unless they miss pushing me around, but thanks for the thought," I say lightly.
"If it helps, they're all terrified of you now, considering you're now the rebellious, aggressive girl that goes to different reform schools all the time because she keeps getting kicked out," Danny informs me.
"I won't pretend like it's not satisfying," I say, smiling, and they laugh.
"Well, I just came over to tell you that my mum's roped me into babysitting my sister tomorrow, so I can't go on our date," he says, turning to Candy, "but we'll go Saturday and I'll make it extra special."
"Oh, fine," she says, looking slightly disappointed. "But it better be."
"Don't worry, it will," he insists, kisses her once more on the lips, waves at me and says it was nice to catch up, before hurrying away.
When he's gone, I turn to Candy with raised eyebrows.
"So, Danny Miller, huh?" I ask, nudging her.
"Very funny," she says, looking away, but she's smiling.
"When did that happen, if you don't mind me asking?"
"A couple months ago," Candy replies. "I just saw him, and it had been a while, and I don't know what happened, but everything just felt different, and he felt the same way, and he asked me out that night, and then... well, you know..."
"I see," I say with a nod, as we continue on with our walk. "Well, he has my approval, considering he's the only person besides Harry who didn't bully me when we were kids, and that's about all I've got to go by with the people here."
"Thank you for your blessing," she says, rolling her eyes.
"Well, don't just stand there and roll your eyes," I urge her. "Tell me about him!"
"Erm, well, he's excellent at snogging as you just saw," she begins, and I laugh. "And he's studying to become a lawyer - "
"Ooh, lawyer, huh? Good choice," I say, nudging her and winking.
She blushes as she continues.
"And he's really nice and funny and he's really good at listening and he's got excellent taste in music and he just - he makes me really happy, you know?" she says, smiling widely. "I just love being with him and I'm so glad I'm dating him."
"I'm really happy for you, Candy," I say, smiling at her. "You deserve someone like that."
"Thanks, so do you," she says. "Speaking of which... have you got someone, then?"
"Erm," I begin.
"It's all right I'd you haven't! I don't mean to embarrass you or anything," she adds quickly.
"No, no, I have got someone. It's just..." I trail off awkwardly.
As much as I fancy Fred, I simply don't want to go off on a rant about him and seem annoying, especially since I get the distinct impression that if I start I'll keep going without much of a filter.
"I don't kiss and tell, thank you very much," I say jokingly, quickening my pace so that I'm ahead of her.
"Oh, you'reso full of shit, Hazel," Candy says, laughing and hurrying to catch up with me.
"Don't know what you're talking about," I say in a dignified manner, looking away from her.
"All right, fine," she says, and my eyes flicker over to her for a moment and see that she has her hands raised in a sort of surrender.
I smile slightly but look away, head raised, until I start to think that, really, we all ought to be able to have a moment where you can indulge in gushing about your boyfriend.
"His name is Fred Weasley," I burst out, turning to look at her.
"Go on, tell me more," she says excitedly.
"Where to begin, with him," I say thoughtfully, grinning.
"Where'd you meet him?" she asks.
"I met him at school. You know, my school," I reply. "He was the first new person I met there, actually - and, no, we didn't start snogging when I was eleven, thank you very much," I add pointedly, noticing the look on her face. "What happened was that I ran right into the side of the train - long story - and he saw it happen and laughed at me, which really sums up a great part of our relationship, and helped me up and walked me over to an empty compartment and everything, it was very nice of him. Except I didn't really know how I felt about him or his brother - he's got a twin, by the way - until a couple months later, but that's not the point. So, yeah, that's how I met him. You know, I just remembered, your dad's met him. Two years ago. I don't reckon he liked him much, but that might be because, you know, he's a wizard and associated with me. Not the kind of things your dad likes."
"Oh, yeah," Candy says with a nod. "He complained about it for weeks afterwards."
"Why does that not surprise me?" I say.
"When did you start dating, then?"
"Last year," I reply, smiling vaguely at the memory.
"A year? That's pretty serious," she comments.
I just shrug at this.
"I guess so, yeah," I say, but can't help but be pleased. "I mean, it's going to be harder now, since he's left school and I've still - "
"Wait, what?" she demands. "He's left school? Has he graduated? He's older than you? By how much?"
"Relax, it's just two years," I say with a shrug. "And, well, he didn't necessarily graduate."
"You're dating an eighteen year-old?" she demands, and when I nod, she says, "Do you even know how jealous the girls here would be if they knew?"
I laugh at that.
"And what the hell do you mean he didn't necessarily graduate? I won't have you dating a no-good dropout, Hazel Knight," Candy states.
"Like you could do anything about it if I was," I say, rolling my eyes. "And what I mean is that he kind of - all right, so he and his brother have got this joke shop thing, and they've been planning it for over two years, probably longer, and then last year they were all ready to go with it, but they still had another year of school. So they go for another year, except there was this woman there, and she... well, let's just day that to call her a bitch would be sugarcoating it. And eventually she becomes headmaster at the school, and at one point they decide they're not going to put up with it anymore, and, really, like I said, they're ready to go with their joke shop. So, near the end of the school year, they wreak havoc all over the school, and then finally, they just make this big public escape, and they literally fly out of the school on broomsticks, and now they're running their joke shop and it's actually doing really well. That's what I mean."
"Ah, so he's a businessman, then?"
"Yes, I suppose so," I say with a slight snort.
"What's so funny?" Candy says.
"Well, I mean... I've known him since he was thirteen, it's just weird referring ti him as a businessman," I reply, shrugging.
"Anyways, go on, what's he like?" she urges.
"He's funny," I begin, "and he's sweet, and kind and smart and outgoing and daring and bold and charming and sarcastic - "
"No winder you like him, then," Candy mutters.
"Shut up," I say, nudging her. "And he's really brave - and, oh god, he'd laugh himself stupid if he could hear me right now - and I'm rambling, so I'll stop."
"I see," she says with a knowing smile. "All right, I've got to know... what does he look like?"
I laugh at the eagerness in her voice and say, "You've seen him. Remember in June, when you and your parents were picking me up, and there were those two boys who were talking to them first? He's the one with the - he's got darker eyes and - erm - he's got a freckle at the corner of his mouth that George - that's the name of his brother - doesn't have."
"Oh, him!" Candy says. "Yeah, I know the one. He's really hot - well, obviously they both are, since they're twins - well done, Hazel. Though, it's odd, I never thought you were the ginger type. I can see you liking freckles, though. And tall people, now thinking about it."
"How can you tell something like that?" I demand. "Oh, never mind, I suppose you're just weird."
"Am not," she protests. "Have you never noticed it before? You look at someone and kind of... predict what type of person they'd be into?"
I look at her blankly for a long time, before bluntly saying, "No."
"Well, you're the weird one, then," she says matter-of-factly. There's a moment of silence, before she says, almost contemplatively, "You know, he has got nice eyes, though."
"Don't," I say, inhaling sharply and my chest constructing slightly, because the only time I allow myself to think in depth about Fred is when I'm by myself and I can miss him and want him openly. "Please don't."
"Why? Not jealous, are you?" she asks cheekily, nudging me. "Don't worry, I won't steal him."
I smile, letting out a small laugh.
"No, it's not that, it's just - you're making me miss him more," I say, heaving a deep, dreamy sort of sigh.
"Dear God, Hazel," Candy says, looking at me with an exasperated sort of grin. "You're really into this guy, aren't you?"
"Pathetically so, yes," I reply.
"Well, he'd better be treating you real well, considering you love him as much as you do," Candy states, "because if he isn't, I don't care if he's a wizard or not, I'll - "
I stop dead in my tracks.
"Hang on," I say, and Candy stops as well, looking around at me with raised eyebrows, "who said anything about love?"
Don't get me wrong. I do love Fred. That's something I've been aware of for a very long time, long before I started to like him, back when the idea of dating Fred was laughable to me. The thing is that the love I felt for him then was platonic love, so now that I'm dating him it's all a bit confusing, because I don't know if the love I feel for him is romantic or if it's just platonic with a bit of romantic feelings in it. So, do I love Fred Weasley? Absolutely. Am I in love with him? That's another matter entirely.
"No one, but it just seemed obvious," Candy replies. "I mean, you've been dating for a year and the way you talk about him and the look on your face and everything... do you not love him?"
"I do, I do, it's just..." I begin, but trail off, trying to find the right words, "the thing is that he was my friend long before he was my boyfriend, and back before I liked him I knew I loved him, but you can feel that kind of love for anyone and everyone. And now that I'm dating him... it's not like I stopped loving him, because I still do, really, but... well, is it the same kind of love that I felt before with just more romantic feelings in it, or am I in love with him?"
"Ah," Candy says, nodding, "I see."
"I wish I could," I huff.
Candy grins at that, walking over to me so that we're level once more.
"Well, not that my opinion means much, because it's your feelings and your boyfriend and all, but I reckon you love him," she says. "Like I said, considering how long you've been dating and everything, not to mention the way you get just by talking about him - it must be sickening to see you two together - I mean, it's the exact definition of a sappy romance film. All you need is some cliché love songs and a beach to go to while the sun is setting and you'll be good to go with your happily ever after."
"You always say sappy romance movies are stupid and fake," I say, raising an eyebrow at her.
"They are," she says with a nod, "until you find someone who makes them seem less stupid and fake. And it seems to me that you have."
"And have you?" I ask, jerking my head down the road where Danny Miller has long since disappeared.
"I don't kiss and tell, Knight," she says with a wink, grinning in a way that tells me the answer yes.
"Of course," I say, laughing. "Should have known."
"Yes, you should've," Candy agrees, and we start walking up the road again.
We continue on our walk until it gets dark and we both agree that Uncle Gabriel will have a fit if we stay out for much longer.
"I'll go in first," I say, because Uncle Gabriel has taken a leaf out of Vernon Dursley's book, and, like how Harry will be locked out if he comes home after Dudley, I'm locked out of the house and forced to sleep in the shed if I come back before Candy. I know from experience that he isn't bluffing.
Candy nods, and I knock on the door while Candy makes sure she's out of sight from the door and any windows.