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Sana
(Angels - The Xx)
Yousef is the only six letter word that can make her stomach flutter. The same six letter word made her anxious and eager at the same time. She didn’t know it was entirely possible to love someone like she loved Yousef.
After Yousef came back from Turkey they constantly gone out together and had stolen moments when Yousef came over to her house to hang with Elias ( Yousef leaving the guys to go to the bathroom for 20 minutes at a time wasn’t very subtle). She knew Yousef had the same feelings for her thanks to Noora sharing her Facebook messages with her. She couldn’t help but shake the feeling that Yousef wasn’t on the same page as her. It had been 3 months since he came back from Turkey and they both haven’t been very clear on where their friendship was going. It made her anxious to think that she could have been taking all of their messages and meetings out of context ( but I mean how can “I think we’re soulmates” possibly be taken out of context) . She hoped Yousef would ask her out soon because she was starting to doubt her relationship with him and she just need the affirmation that he felt exactly the same.
Chapter 1
Monday
It’s Friday and Sana sees Yousef as he’s standing outside of Nissen with 2 coffees in hand. She quickly straightens her hijab and tries to subtly fix her black shirt and white windbreaker. She notices From the corner of her eye a slight smirk from Isak. Isak knows better then to pry into Sana’s business, he knows she’ll tell him when she’s ready. As she and Isak make their way out the doors of Nissen she can feel the eagerness and butterflies fill up in her stomach. Yousef still seems unaware of Sana approaching him so she sees it as an opportunity to admire him for just a quick second. She didn’t realize she was smiling until She felt Isaks elbow in her rib. She quickly snapped out of her trance and felt her cheeks heat up.
“Ow Isak why did you do that” she proclaimed
With a smug smile Isak responded “Because I was telling you in detail about how we’re going to split up this assignment but I turn to see you and you’re making love eyes to your man”
“Ok first of all we are splitting up the assignment like I told you not how you want it Isabelle. And second he is not my man!”
“Sure Sansol what ever you say” he said with air quotes.
Sana pretended to act annoyed but failed, so they both laughed. Isak gave Sana a small smile but the smile was hiding something, Sana felt as if Isak was holding something back from her.
“ Spit it out Isabelle”
“ I’m just happy to see you smile over Yousef. It’s nice to see you drop your ‘ im an emotionless girl with no feelings ‘ façade.” Isak says with a shy tone, and his eyes facing the floor to avoid Sanas eyes.
“ Aww Isabelle it seems like Even has got to you, too many sappy movies are making you soft” she said while reaching to frizz his hair.
“Oh shut up don’t make me tell Yousef how you were drooling over him a second ago” Isak quickly spits back
Sana shoved Isak, and they kept walking. As they got closer to Yousef their conversation slowly started to wrap up.
Isak left Sana with a short hug and a reminder to sent him the notes he missed, and gave Yousef a handshake that seemed way to complicated.
Yousef was standing there with a huge dopey grin and held out the coffee he got for Sana.
“Hey I got you your favorite, Black with 5 sugars no cream”
“ Awww you remembered?”
“Don’t Awww me Sana Bakkoush you know I get shy we’ve been over this!” Yousef said pretending to be serious.
She gave him a hug and they both seemed to melt into the hug unknowingly. When they separated she couldn’t help but shiver at the loss of warmth.
“Are you cold? Here’s my jacket” Yousef said as he rapidly took off his jacket not waiting for Sanas reply.
“No I’m ok really. I didn’t really expect it to be this cold but I’m ok I promise.” She said half heartedly
“ Your quivering lip tells me otherwise Sana. Just take my jacket I have 2 sweaters on I’m not gonna need it. Let me.”
She took his jacket and basked in the smell of it. It smelled of cologne mixed with lavender. Or was it cologne and laundry detergent? She didn’t know but what she did know was that she could never grow old if this scent. His scent.
They walked towards her house updating each other on their recent endeavors, but since they talked to each other everyday there really wasn’t anything new to talk about. But there never was a quiet moment with the both of them. She stuffed her hands in the pockets of his jacket just as soon as she was done with her coffee and found a trash can to dump her cup. When she had her hands in his jacket she didn’t notice a piece of paper in the pocket.
As they arrived to her doorstep she took her hands out the jacket and the piece of paper fell out. She picked it up and saw it was a phone number. A phone number? She did she read the paper correctly? She only glanced at the paper for a quick second and the paper had numbers and a message “Can’t wait to see you again- Laila gato <3”. She felt a heavy Weight on her chest. As if someone punched her. She handed the paper to Yousef in a split second .
“Sorry I didn’t mean to drop the paper here’s your jacket”
“Erm yeah thanks. It’s not what it seems it is. It’s Elias’s number. Well it’s for Elias’s— see she gave me this number for Elias. It’s not mine well it, it is mine Technically but you know? It’s not mi—I don’t want it.” He stammered
“Completely cool, I get it I have to go finish an assignment” she choked out trying to seem unaffected.
“Sana wait— can we talk or hang out for a bit or soon I have something I want to ask you, it’s important”
“I don’t know when I’ll be free, later Yousef” she said dryly. She’s never been dry with Yousef, not since before summer.
She practically ran into her apartment ignoring Elias and Even in the living room. Elias called her name but she ignored him.
She was right. Yousef didn’t feel the same about her. He was seeing other girl. She didn’t want to jump into conclusions but seeing the way he reacted to her finding a phone number in his pocket told her a lot. She couldn’t be mad because they weren’t exclusive.
100 thoughts were running through her mind. If Yousef didn’t want the number why did he still have it in his pocket? Why did Laila from Pepsi max know Yousef or Elias? And if the number was actually for Elias why did Laila give it to Yousef?
She sat on the edge of her bed with a wet face. She didn’t even realize she had been crying. She started wiping her face of with her sleeve. No makeup came off because she hardly wears anything besides lipstick anymore. She remembered when she used dark makeup as a way to cope with her feelings. When she felt alone. Kind of how she’s feeling right now.
She felt her hands shaking with rage. She knew better now that it was better to talk things out instead of acting irrationally so she decided to text Her girls.
Sana: Something happened with Yousef can we hang out please.
Vilde: What happened with Yossi??
Do we hate him?
Eva: Be at my place in 20 I’ll kick Jonas out
Chris: Vilde do you need a ride to Eva’s?
Noora: I’ll be there in 10 with snacks
Eskild says that he’s here if you need guru advice? Whatever that means
Vilde: Yes Chris please <3
Eva: Sleepover girls? ok Jonas left and he left his nachos for us :p
Chris: Yes! Tell Jonas not to forget his underwear this time haha
Noora: Yes ladies!
Vilde: Yes Yes Yes I’ll bring some magazines and some movies!
Eva: ok that was one time he had to leave it because my mom came home early and he only had time to put on pants, BUT ANYWAYS SANA HURRY UP AND COME OVER!
Sana: I’ll be there in 15 ok
Sana managed to push herself out of bed. She felt so drained. Slowly she started gathering the stuff she was taking to Eva’s. She was grabbing her clothes and then she walked over to her dresser to grab some makeup. Sana saw the flowers Yousef have to her on their first time hanging out together. She saw them and felt a knot in her throat again. She pushed passed them promising herself that she would throw them away tomorrow when she came back from Eva’s.
As she was walking past the living room on her way out she saw All the guys there on the couch minus two of them. She saw Isak and his boys minus jonas assuming he was on the way, and she saw Elias and the rest of the boys minus Yousef. They all collectively said hello and have her hugs and high fives. She wanted to disappear before they saw her puffy eyes and put 2 together and realized Yousef didn’t come because of Sana.
“ Where are you going sis? We just ordered pizzas and we’re gonna have a movie night with all the boys” Elias said too enthusiastically
“ Yea were gonna watch the Red curtain trilogy cause Even loves to peer pressure everyone to watch his pretentious movies” said Magnus while Mutta and Mahdi we’re muffling their giggles.
“That’s not peer pressure you idiot” said mikael and Isak at the exact same time. They both started laughing and gave each other a small hug because bullying Magnus was their favorite pastime.
“Ermmm no thanks I’m gonna sleep over at Eva’s.” She said while walking away, avoiding eye contact with everyone.
They all gave their collective goodbyes and waved Sana off. As she had one foot out the door she felt a hand on her shoulder. It was Even.
“Hey Sana if you ever need anything you know me and Isak are here right?” He said in the most sincere tone. Evens eyes told her everything. He knew what was going on. She remembered why Even was always her favorite.
“Yea I know thanks Even, it means a lot. Same for you you ok? If you ever need someone to set Isak straight let me know” she said with a fake smile
With that they hugged and she walked off to the tram.
She spent the rest of the night at Eva’s ranting her heart out and eating Vanilla Bean ice cream, and eating Halal pizza vilde and Chris picked up. She admired her friends so much. She truly loved them.
Chapter 2
Wednesday
(Black lipstick- By Chicano Batman)
It’s been 2 days since Sana last spoke to Yousef. He sent her a string of text messages on Monday but she hasn’t opened or replied to any of them.
Sana is outside sitting on the benches with The girls, Jonas and Isak. Noora and Eva are having a heated argument about UGG boots( they have this argument every time Chris wears her UGGS to school).
“They’re made out of sheep skin AND they look super cheesy” argued Noora proudly with her arms crossed
“ But they’re warm and they look cute right chris” Eva exclaimed while Chris shook her head profusely
“Ja babe Noora has a point, the company contributes immensely to capitalism and leaves a huge carbon footprint” jonas said with a sheepish grin.
“Yonas, I invited you with us today so you can sit here and look cute, not to side with Noora” she said with a smug smirk
With that jonas and Eva started kissing and smiling into each others mouth. Sana wasn’t in the mood to see couples being cute, she wanted to swim in her feelings for a couple of days before she snapped herself out of it.
She grabbed her bag and said she was going to her class cause she needed to catch up on some work. They all said goodbye but Noora decided to go with her because she supposedly had work to catch up on too. Sana knew Noora Just didn’t want to leave her alone.
They were talking about their classes and how Eskild was trying to set up tinder dates for her against her will. As they were turning the corner towards her locker she saw a string of balloons and a flower by her locker. As she got closer she saw that it was her locker.
She looked at Noora. And Noora gave her a little push.
It was red balloons and a rose shoved into the edge of her locker. She picked up the flower and looked around for a context of who might have left it. She knew it was Yousef.
She opened her locker and saw a note. It read
Sana when you’re in a room my eyes can’t help but to wander to meet yours.
I hope I have the courage to talk to you soon
Xoxoxo
Her hands felt clammy and she felt like the room had gotten 100x smaller.
She had totally forgot that Noora was standing next to her. Her whole face was burning hot. Sana bit the inside of her lip to keep herself from smiling. She looked at Noora to see her reaction and Noora looked just as pleased as Sana if not more.
“Wow Yossi really is a charmer!”Said Noora with crazy eyes barley able to contain herself.
“Ugh, this boy is killing me Noora” said sana. Yousef had pushed Sana to the edge and brought her back in less than a week. She hated that he had the ability to have such an impact on her emotions.
“You should text him back Sana”
“Yes I will, but when when schools over and I get home but right now we have to go because I have to finish this assignment before Isak kills me” Sana said with a semi serious tone.
Wednesday 18:35
(One and only- CUCO)
Sana walked into her house with her balloons dragging behind her and her flower and books in hand. She was taking her shoes off when she heard bursts of laughter coming from her living room. She fixed her hijab and reapplied some chapstick. She slowly walked by hoping to not see Yousef. Yes she wanted to talk to him, but his beautiful face would just make her mind go blank and she wouldn’t be able to tell him the things she’s been rehearsing in her head. Why was he so pretty she thought. Ok stop, she told herself. She walked into the room and the boys all greeted her. She scanned the room and looked for her pair of dark brown eyes but they weren’t there.
“What’s up with those balloons? And why are you getting home so late, Mom said you were supposed to be here at 17:00.” Said Elias with a rather annoying tone.
“I’m late because I was busy.” Said Sana with a challenging tone of voice.
“Sooo Yousef not being here has nothing to do as to why you were late? Then where’s Yousef?” Elias said but now his face looked confused and a little worried. The other boys looked between themselves with a glare only they amongst themselves can recognize as if they were speaking to each other only through their eyes.
“Nope don’t know where he is. I don’t keep tabs on him because he’s not my boyfriend or anything ” she said but she put on a straight, dry look on her face.
“Okaayy?” Elias now was looking at her like she’s grown an extra head and before she could give her brother a sarcastic reply she was interrupted.
“Who gave you that flower and those balloons? OOHH SHIT ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY?!!? Oh my god we forgot Sanas birthday” Mikael Said, he then caused the boys to go into utter chaos and they started yelling amongst themselves.
“Neiiiiiii shut up, shut up it’s not my birthday, someone left these on my locker today with a note.”
“So you did see Yousef?” Adam said with a shit eating grin on his face.
“Did I or did I not just tell you I didn’t see Yousef today? I didn’t see him today but I’ll let you know if I hear anything”
She practically sprinted to her room so the boys couldn’t hound her with anymore questions. She grew her stuff on her bed and walked over to her cup of old bluebells. She stuck her flower in with the rest of them.
Sana threw everything off her chair and grabbed her phone. She sat down and started to go through her contacts until she came upon Yousefs.
She clicked the call button and waited. It rang with no answer. She thought maybe the telephone wires were frozen? That’s a possibility right?
She called again and this time he picked up.
“Hey” they both said it practically unanimously.
“Can I explain myself and the not to you? Please.” Yousef sounded a bit precautious.
“ If you think that’s necessary go ahead” she wanted to hear it but What if it wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear?
“Laila gave me her number to give to Elias because they’ve been pinning over each other at the coffee shop for months and Elias hasn’t made the first move so she decided to give him her number .”
“But why couldn’t she just given it to Elias” she quickly asked
“I don’t know they’re weird, but I’m serious,
Can we go back to how we were, hanging out and…”
There was a small pause, as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t. He started fumbling on the other side of the phone before he spoke again.
“Can we hang out soon? I haven’t seen you in like 3 days and that’s a really long time— well not that long bu— you know what I mean I just haven’t seen you and I miss you?”
It came out more of a question but by the time he finished his sentence Sanas dimples were in full force and she had a deep smile on her face.
“Sure Yousef hows Friday? I get off at 15:00.” Sana Said barley able to contain herself.
“That sounds good I’ll meet you by our big Birch tree, I mean —it belongs to everyone— but you get what I’m tryna say right?“ he said with a cough trying get his shaky voice under control.
“Yes Yousef I know what you mean, Goodnight And thank you for today it really surprised me”
“Ughhhhh surprised? Okayy … goodnight Sana I’ll see you Friday, I can’t wait” Yousef sounded confused as if he didn’t know what she was talking about.
“Me too goodnight Yousef”
Sana was so glad that she and Yousef cleared the air, she was ecstatic to see him Friday. She pulled it her phone and texted her group chat with the girls to fill them in with what happened with Yousef.
Sana: I talked to Yousef, and were good again.
Noora: what did he say?
Chris: is everything good now?
Sana: He explained the whole number situation and he said he wants things to go back how they were
Eva: I told you things will always work out in your favor Sana!
Vilde: ok since you’re back with Yossi can you finally go on double dates with me and magnus❤️
Eva: Yeah right after she goes with me and Jonas
Chris: wow guys really think she’ll go with you guys before she goes out with me and Mutta ha!
Noora: Isak Said And I quote exactly “ I will cut whoever goes on a double date with Sana and Yousef before me and Even do”
Sana: Isak and Even take the cake, AND WERE NOT TOGETHER….. YET
Goodnight ladies
Thursday
(Rare hearts- By The Growlers)
Sana woke up was feeling like she was on top, she wore a dark green hijab with a new coat she had recently bought she wore a dark wine color as her lipstick. She left her house a bit earlier because she and Isak had planned to meet to get ahead of a chemistry assignment. She was in a great mood so she decided to pick up some coffees.
Sana saw Isak waiting for her with a grumpy look on his face. And saw a tall Even standing behind him. They both looked like they had just woken up and had put on beenies to cover up their bedheads.
“Halla boys” Said Sana handing the boys a coffee with a grin big enough to light up the whole schoolyard.
“Why are you so happy” Isak Said with his grumpy look still in tow.
“What he meant to say was “good morning Sana you look very happy and very beautiful this morning thank you for the coffee, you are a wonderful friend and I am lucky that someone besides Jonas and my boyfriend likes me enough to put up with my attitude”.
“Ahhh that’s exactly what I meant to say ur such a mind reader Even” Isak rolled his eyes so hard they almost stayed at the back of his head
“ Thank you Even, and Isak I guess. So Isak are you ready?”
“Yess” Isak Said good bye to Even and promised he would drop by his job after school.
Sana and Isak started walking to their class but had to stop by their lockers to pick up a assignment Sana had left.
As she was approaching her locker and she found a heart shaped note taped to the outside of her locker.
Once she saw it her face lit up and she picked up her pace a little while grabbing Isak so he would hurry up with her.
“Another one? How the fuck does Yousef have the energy to come every morning before you to do all this shit”
“Isak if you don’t shut up” she gave him a death glare she could keep on her face for more then 5 seconds before crumbling into a smile.
She took the note off the locker and read it, Isak also read the note from over her shoulder not so discreetly. The note read
Halla Sana, I have been pinning over you since I first seen you. I hope to become more then a friend soon. Can you meet me at the benches by the big Birch tree @15:00?
P.s please don’t think it’s creepy that I know what time your last class ends
Xoxo
“Yousef is literally the biggest dweeb I’ve ever meet in my life, and magnus is one of my best friends so that says volumes.” Said Isak smugly as if he was proud magnus wasn’t the biggest dweeb after all
Sana didn’t reply to Isak, she was so confused. She didn’t know why Yousef had written this letter when they had talked last night about meeting each other.
“Hey you ok?” Isak Said he must have noticed her facial expressions.
“Yup I’m ok but we have to go finish this, You already spent half our morning saying goodbye to Even.”
“Shut up you’re just mad that my man doesn’t have to work in the mornings so I don’t have to walk to school by myself ”
She smiled and gave him a shove towards their class. Sana had a feeling that the person leaving her all these things wasn’t Yousef. She thought that everything was way too good for her to start making things up. She shook off those thoughts and tried to not think about it for the rest of the day.
Chapter 3
Yousef
(Ivy- By Frank Ocean)
Yousef was so anxious the whole day, he was finally going to ask Sana to be his girlfriend. He had talked to her parents about it to make sure they didn’t disagree and her parents were happy about it and gave them their blessings. He was waiting outside of Nissen with 2 coffees in hand waiting for Sana. He had worked morning shift and afternoon shift that day so he was tired and his feet hurt because he was running around with the kids the whole day. He decided to sit down on a bench next to the tree.
He sat down and was on his phone when he seen out of he corner of his eye his friend Nadim. Nadim was holding some flowers but hadn’t noticed it was Yousef sitting on the other side of the bench.
“Nadim? Hey man I haven’t seen you in a long time!”
“Yousef hey, along time not since the last years EID party” they gave each other a hug and a very complicated handshake.
“I haven’t seen you at the mosque in awhile I hope you’ve been doing good.” Nadim said it without any malice. Yousef felt a little shiver down his back. He remembered the time he strayed away from Allah and he was grateful He had found his way back to his religion.
“Yeah I go to a different mosque now it’s a little further from my house but I like it. How’s t going with you man I see you have some flowers, some girl is about to get really lucky” he was hoping to change he topic just a bit.
“Awe man let me tell you, I’ve been after this girl since I saw her in my chemistry class this year. She’s so pretty and her dimples are maybe the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And she’s Muslim so that’s perfect about her, and I know my mom will probably love her more than I do. She’s perfect.”
Yousef couldn’t help but to think the same about Sana. She had perfect dimples and a beautiful smile, she’s also Muslim and his mom actually loves her more then she loves her own son (Yousef secretly loved how his mom and Sana would gang up on him and bond over making Yousef blush).
“That sounds good Nadim, I actually have a girl I’m talking to right now were soulmates. I’m actually waiting to pick her up right now”
“What’s her name? Maybe I have her in one of my classes.” Nadim said bouncing on his heels, he seemed nervous still.
“Her name is Sana Bakkoush shes Elias’s little sister”
“Wait you’re here for Sana?!?!” Nadim’s Face looked distraught.
“Ermmmmm yeah I’m here for Sana who are you here for?” Yousef furrowed his eyebrows really confused as to why Nadim had gotten really tense so suddenly.
“I’m here for Sana too” Nadim said but now he was standing with a more broad look, puffing out his chest a little.
“Yeah well that’s not gonna happen” Yousef said with a tint of jealousy in his voice.”
“Yousef” Sana Said while she stood there next to him, he hadn’t realized she had been there, he was so caught up with Nadim saying he was sprung on Sana
Yousef heard Sanas voice coming from his left side. He turned around and he was in a trance. Sana was wearing a light pink hijab and a white turtleneck with wine colored lipstick. He was so gone for this girl. She was everything he could ever need. He shook his head to snap out of his thoughts.
“Wow” he said looking at her. Sana looked back at him and her eyes were sparkling. She looked at him and it felt like they were the only two people there. How was it possibly that after so many months she still managed to make him feel like that.
Sana
“Sana” they both turned to look at nadim standing there with flowers.
“Nadim hey, what’s up” Sana knew that he was the person who was leaving her all those notes and flowers. Yousef had his hand around her shoulder. He would always have his hand around her shoulder but this felt different. This felt more protective and dominant. She was so used to him being soft and shy but she loved this too.
“Sana I wanted to give you these, I also wanted to see if we could become more then friends, but I see that’s not possible.” Nadim looked defeated
“Oh Nadim you’re a really good guy but I don’t think we could be more then friends, I’m sorry”
“Yeah she can’t because she has a boyfriend, I’m her boyfriend” Yousef Said But he Said it unconsciously. He mentally cursed himself but he had already said it and couldn’t take it back anymore.
“Ermm yes I have a boyfriend, I’ll see you later nadim” she winked at Yousef and he felt his knees get weak.
They both hurried off before nadim had the chance to say anything else but goodbye. He was holding her right hand with his hand still around her shoulder. He stopped walking and stood in front of her.
“Sana I don’t want to pressure you into this. You don’t have to be my girlfriend, but I do want to tell you that I talked to your parents about you and I becoming serious and they gave me their blessings, I also made sure Elias was ok with it too. Im serious about it, more serious then I’ve ever been with anything in my life”
She Jumped and hugged him. They were standing there for what seemed like hours but neither of them budged.
When they finally broke apart she spoke.
“You’re lucky you have better hair then nadim or else I would have took him up on his offer”
“Wooowww ok Sana” he put his hand over his heart pretending to be hurt.
“Now where are you going to take your girlfriend on this beautiful Friday evening” Sana said it while walking backwards with her arms reaching for his.
“I’ll take you wherever you want, I’ll go wherever you go”
It seemed like such a simple response but he meant it in every single way