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It's one of these nights where Jinyoung is sitting alone in the kitchen and staring at the apartment door. Where the only thing you could hear is the ticking of the clock on the wall and the cars passing by outside from the window. It's one of these nights where Jinyoung is anxious waiting. Waiting until Mark comes home. Mark, who always brings another scratch, another bruise, another injury with him. Mark, who then always falls into Jinyoungs arms without uttering a word and as always they wouldn't say anything to each other. Those nights happen a lot more than usual lately, not that Jinyoung would ever get used to it. Whenever he remembers those nights he can't help but shuddering at the thoughts of what the reason could be.
It is cold. It doesn't matter that the heater is on at full blast, the many layers of clothes and blankets, it all doesn't matter. Jinyoung shivers, regardless of how warm it is, he's always cold without any exceptions. He's sick without exceptions. Not only is he sick with worry, his body is also sick. His whole immune system is unstable. The medicaments are too expensive and he's too weak already to get himself a new job. Mark has to carry all these vices alone but no matter how hard he tries, it's never enough.
Jinyoung feels at fault because of this, he feels impotent and isn't able to do anything, he can't even help himself. It caters for sleepless nights. And then they began. These nights where Mark comes home late, Jinyoung now unable to close his eyes for even a second, too many worries about the older are swimming in his head, are stopping all decent thoughts. Worries, worries, worries, nothing as worries. Every time when Mark comes back, a new injury adorning his body, but also a bundle of money in his hand. Still not enough, but more than what he earns whit his regular job.
Jinyoung gave up questioning where the hell Mark has been. He gave up a lot of things not only because of his illness. Mostly for Mark. Jinyoung is weak and Mark is strong. Weaklings always rely on strong people and drag them slowly down until the strong ones aren't strong anymore and the weaklings already gave up. The strong people are the ones which going to end up all alone because they made the mistake to rely on a weakling.
But in this moment it only counts that Mark came back again probably with wounds but still in one piece. Jinyoung always has the first-aid kit laying beside him on the kitchen table, Mark always refuses to get patched up. It saddens Jinyoung, it saddens him to see Mark in this state. Not long ago they were fine, he was fine, Mark was fine, everything was fine. But now it's quiet around them the situation is too depressive for any happy moments. By now it doesn't take them any words to understand each other, words got unnecessary for them only actions and touches count for them. At least they're here for each other, at least they aren't alone.
This night isn't different. The door opens quietly and Jinyoung looks right in the eyes of Mark. His chest tightens and he has the urge to cry, as always when he sees his lover like this. But even thought Jinyoung is the weak of them both he tries to gather all his strength just to be strong for Mark. He knows that Mark never could endure seeing him cry, he only would feel guilty and that's the least thing Jinyoung wants.
It doesn't take long until he feels arms circling around his waist, a head that buries itself in the crane of his neck and deep breaths follow the action. As always they don't say anything, concentrate themselves on the slow and steady heartbeats of the other, calming each other. In such a moment Jinyoung forgets the everlasting coldness instead he feels how his body heats up and Marks calming scent is enveloping him. Just Mark presence alone is calming for him, secures and warms him.
Just Mark is enough for him. He doesn't need more.
He feels a pang in his chest as Marks grip tightens, almost hurts him. It's as if he's scared that Jinyoung would just disappear, as if he's saying "You're still here, I'm glad". Regardless of how much he tries to hold on to the strength he has left he still loses this fight. It may only be a few tears but Mark notices them immediately.
As always he breaks away from him a little, cups his face gently with both of his hands and brishes off the tears looks into his eyes for a few moments till their lips meet carefully. As if Jinyoung were something fragile, as if he would fall to dust if he isn't be careful enough to him. It's enough to give Jinyoung the illusion that everything's going to turn out fine. The consequences follow later, much later.
They build themselves a bubble, as if it would protect them from all the evil of the reality, as if it would never burst. They don't use their words they let their feelings take the lead. Slow movements, their bodies intertwined, only feeling each other. Some things aren't in need of words.
That warm tingle which expands in their bodies. The heat gets warmer and warmer even Jinyoung begins to sweat. Mark lifts him slowly up and carries him to their room, lays him gently down on the mattress of their bed. Their breath is heavy and they both stare for moment that feels like eternity in each other's eyes, the air around them seems to crackle of the tension between them. This is their moment; it belongs to them all alone. Nothing in the world could take this away from them.
When their lips meet again they let themselves fall into this bliss, a bliss without any problems. Their focus is only directed to one another, to the touches which let their skin tingle, their breaths faltering to gasps and to moans as their kisses wander lower and lower.
Their moment.
Just a few minutes more, a little more time until they let their bubble burst again. Just a little bit to enjoy the aftermath, just staying like that for a little more. Jinyoung lays secured in mark arms, heart's still beating rapidly, breath still heavy and the hair damp of the sweat.
Jinyoungs eyelids slowly fall shut while his head is placed on Marks naked firm chest, quietly listen to the now steady heartbeat. He feels so at peace, all worries and fears blown off in the very back of his head. The headlight of a passing by car cast its light through the curtains leaves them in complete darkness and silence of the night shortly after.
Mark softly caresses Jinyoungs hair before leaving a lasting kiss on the crown. After a moment Jinyoung looks up to him and studies his expression in calm silence. Mark lifts his hand and lays it on Jinyoungs cheek, the younger swallows the lump which begins to form in his throat as he sees how tears begin to gather in Marks eyes. It's not the fact that he's crying, no, it's that gentle smile adorning his lips.
"Jinyoung"
How long has it been since anyone of them both said anything? Long enough for Mark to not raise his voice. His voice is a little stricken, hoarse and faltering. Long enough for Jinyoung to halt when he hears his own name clumsily tumbling out of Marks mouth after a long time.
"Jinyoung"
he repeatedly sais, over and over again till a tear falls down his cheek. Jinyoung brushes it quickly away and observes his lover with worried eyes. Deeply in his heart there is a spark, something Jinyoung hasn't felt for a long time.
Hope.
"I've got enough, we have enough. We finally can afford the treatment."
Jinyoungs eyes widen as he grasps what Mark is saying, he also begins to cry.
Maybe he can be strong again, so that Mark can rely on him, so that he can also carry some of the weights which are holding the older down.
Maybe they can be happy again. Like in the good old times.